A Wet Appetite

Scrubbing in with Becca Tilly and Tanya Radd, an iHeartRadio and two-time People's Choice Award-winning podcast.

Hello, everybody.

We are scrubbing in.

Why'd you take my line?

I just wanted to say it with you. Just wanted to throw you off. Whoa, she did not like that.

I like routine. Sometimes I gotta throw you off.

Because sometimes life is unpredictable.

Well, let me tell you, while we're there, some people are saying that they missed my old little jingle.

And I just want to say, me too.

I wasn't against that.

I don't need the attitude with that because I was never against your rub-a-dub-dub.

No, no, no.

I'm not saying that you were. But many people were. And I got some messages of people saying they missed it. And so it just makes me feel good.

You should bring it back.

No, I'm a people person. I'm a person of the people. And if our scrubbers don't want it, I'm fine with this. They don't get it.

Well, thank you for sharing.

Happy Thursday, October 15th, everybody. We will not be sharing our thoughts on Dancing with the Stars this week. In fact, we track this on Monday. Well, we actually prefer. We prefer to wait until Mondays.

Yeah.

We're so stunned by what happened.

Oh, what a show.

We need three more days to digest before we divulge our thoughts.

So we will share that on Monday.

We signed an NDA. Yeah. We can't talk about anything till Monday. Correct. But we do have Dear Banya's today.

Yeah, and we had like a cute time.

What I can say is we had an amazing time.

What I can say is the same.

And the ballroom was electric. Electric. And I cannot believe who we got to meet.

Same. But we'll save that for Monday. Because today is about.

Oh, we're going to play the Don't Say the Same Thing Again game.

Yep, we are.

And that's genuine excitement, even though we just talked about it.

And we're going to play Tower of Music.

Yeah, I'm very excited about Tower of Music.

It's going to be great.

But please don't give her an easy one like it starts with S.

No. Okay.

Easton and I worked this out. We feel good about it. Okay, great.

All right. My bangs haven't grown at all. Thank you for asking.

I mean, I wouldn't think that they would grow that fast.

Are you taking your niacin?

Yeah, I'm taking everything.

Oh, you should get rosemary oil. Is it rosemary oil?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. My hair will grow. Shall we just get into the Dear Bonnias since we have so much to go? You kind of look more like your mom. Oh my God, yeah. Which I love. I love that I look like my mom. But I want them to grow. It's more like the maintenance is just... And I don't even mind styling my hair. I like doing my hair.

Whenever I consider bangs, I'm like, I can't even... get myself to, like, do my own hair once a week.

It's still your own hair, the bangs. Right. As it is, you mean.

But, like, the bangs, you have to do.

Like, my own hair, when I have my hair like this, I can get away with not doing it. Whereas, like, if I had bangs, I'd have to do them.

Which I was excited about. But I can't figure out how to do them the way I want them to look. It's enough of bang talk. It's enough bang talk.

We're done bang maxing, okay? Okay?

Enough bang-maxing, and we're moving on to Banya-maxing.

Dear Banya and Meeston, I got engaged this summer. We're hoping to have most of the planning done by Thanksgiving. Our issue is the guest list. Since it'll be a couple more months before the dates go out, we've told a few people what the date is. We've texted some friends in other states. However, twice now, I've had people basically invite themselves. They'll say, how's the planning going? Do you have a date? Do you have a venue? And when I say yes, they whip out their phone and say, I'll put it in my calendar now. We've never even hung out with these people one-on-one. I've heard it said that if you wouldn't spend $ 100 on a person on a night out to dinner, they should not be at your wedding. Now, I'm scared to make friends, grow closer

to someone, or even meet friends of friends over this next year in the fear that people will feel entitled to an invitation. How do you navigate this? Do I just invite this person and her husband?

No.

Do I ignore it? Do I not make any new friends in the next year to avoid this situation? Sincerely, a people-pleasing scrubber who doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Does it happen with this?

Yes.

And it happens so much more than you realize. And it is awkward. But like, I would always just kind of like skirt around it. Like I would.

If somebody said something like that to me, I'd be like, oh my gosh, I know we can't wait. And then I will pivot or like talk to somebody else. Like I would just try and get out of the conversation as quickly as possible. I did not feel obligated to invite those people. I felt nothing of the sort. And I think like that's where you have to come from a place of, of like, you're going to invite who you want to invite. It is your wedding. Do not feel pressured or guilty or anything into inviting anybody that you don't want to be there, especially new friends.

Yeah. Yeah.

I agree. I'm nervous about the guest list thing because I also think like just in general, I think we want a smaller wedding. And so it's going to be it's going to be a tight list. But I'm nervous about being around like I have people that are in a family who like haven't met. My thing is like if you haven't met Haley or asked about her in the last year. You're not coming to the wedding, respectfully.

We have that rule, too.

I think Southern, like, culture, it's very, like, you invite everybody, you know? It's like you just invite the whole family. And it's like, I want it to be very intentional about who's at our wedding. And so I think it's, you know, this person... I don't think you need to invite them if they weren't originally on the list just because they put it in their calendar. That was very presumptuous of them to assume that because you told them the date that they should put it in their calendar.

This is more a PSA to just like the general human public.

Don't do that.

Like, it's so weird to me that people do that. But like, it happens more often than you think.

Like, people just assume.

And also, I think before you make decisions of like where you're having your wedding, I think people just assume that we were having it in L.A.

And so it was just like, oh, yeah, like.

Of course, like.

Really?

No. Yeah. We'll be there.

Go to Mexico. See ya.

We have to go really far. Yeah.

I may have talked about this on the podcast before, but someone that we used to work with got married recently and I am on her close friends on Instagram and I did not get invited to the wedding, which is fine. Again, you know, you can invite whoever you want.

Who is it?

I'll tell you later.

Okay.

And she was posting about the wedding on close friends. And it was like, she said, um, by the way, if you haven't RSVP yet and like, you're getting down to it. Okay. And I was like, kind of wild to post this on close friends when not everyone, something like this, when not everyone is invited, IE me, that's what I, that's what I said. Maybe that was rude of me. And she said, LOL, what if this was your invite? And I said, is it? And then she didn't respond.

Yeah.

I thought I was going to get taken off close friends at that point. I'm still on, baby.

Whoa.

But that's wild, right? Or was I out of line?

I mean, you were a little out of line. Respectfully.

Taken.

I think there's people on my close friends list that might not get invited. My close friends list is for... I haven't even updated. I don't even know who's on my close friends list right now.

It's time to update the close friends list, Rob.

I don't ever post on close friends. I only posted on it when Hayley and I weren't public. You're like, I post on it all the time and I'm not on there.

No, Robby's not on my close friends.

Allison wasn't on mine for a long time.

He's like, why am I not on your close friends?

I'm like, I literally haven't touched my close friends since we broke up.

Like, when we broke up. Like, that's why I got a close friends when we broke up. And then.

We got back together and haven't posted on it in like however many years.

Yeah.

So I'm like, why would I add you now?

Yeah. Respectfully. I might bring it back, my close friends posting.

Why?

Probably won't. I don't even post publicly that much. Yeah, who wants that? I barely post as is. I can't be separating them.

I'm like, if you follow me, you're my close friend.

Well do an ad on close friends no what do you like a sponsored post on.

If y'all are my close friend go engage with.

My ad please click this link that's actually brilliant.

Some people do that and i always do i always go every time i see it i'm like you you got it um basically yeah um People pleaser scrubber, I would not invite anyone who you don't feel needs to be at your wedding. And for the general public, if someone's getting married, just wait for the invite. And if you don't get invited, then.

Either take it personally or just know that they had a limit and you didn't make it.

I'm actually excited for you to do the guest list because it does bring up, like, a lot of, like, yeah.

That's, like, my biggest hurdle that I think I'm going to have to get over.

And, like, there were couples that we were, like.

teetering on um and we're like well like i'd be like oh we're not like so close to them but like i'd love to be closer with them you know and robbie's like we're not inviting people because we'd love to be closer this is not the weekend to get no correct he's like no yeah No, I'm a little.

That's one of the bigger things about wedding planning. You know what? This is kind of off subject, but I've been on my TikTok. I always see like WLW weddings or, you know, queer weddings. And it'll be like either elopements and they're just beautiful photos or they're weddings. But it's a very small crowd, you know? And obviously... What do you call that? Attendance? Audience?

Friends and guests.

Yeah.

It's a very small guest list. And I always think... I mean, I know there's... obviously with like financial reasoning and whatnot, it gets very expensive. So you limit like how many people come. But I was thinking it's it's so often like queer couples and I'm always thinking like, oh, it's. It's probably because it's so limited who you feel safe having at your wedding that you're choosing to spend your life with someone and who you want to be there.

It's so specific of who's been supportive, who's shown up for you, who checks in on you. And it made me like, oh, it's so sad. But beautiful that you get to choose so specifically who's there based on that. But it was just something I noticed.

What number are you guys looking at?

I don't know. I mean, just Hailey's list alone, it feels huge.

Really?

Yeah.

She'll be like, and I wrote, I'm like, we cannot invite people that you wrote songs with 20 years, like 15 years ago.

No.

I'm like, love them. Grateful for them. But we got to be, we got to tighten it up.

Yeah.

But I don't know. I would think like, I loved them. Dean and Kaylin's was like a really good amount.

I felt like 60.

Yeah.

But that feels small.

I know.

How many did y'all have?

We did a hundred.

Y'all had a hundred?

We had like a little over a hundred.

That was a good size too. It was spaced well.

Yeah.

Your space was good.

It didn't feel like too many people, right? But it also didn't feel small. Did it feel small?

No, no.

I was just thinking about how it didn't feel small, but it felt like, it felt like all my friends were there.

Yeah. Yeah.

It was cool.

Yeah. Like it felt intimate still.

Yeah.

Like I felt like I, as a guest, knew everybody there.

Yeah.

And I think everyone else felt the same way.

Yeah. Okay. We have a relationship question.

Yeah.

And who better to give advice on relationships than us?

Facts.

So we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. We're back.

This is from Jasmine. Hi, Becca and Tanya. My boyfriend and I just had our one-year anniversary. I'm 33, he's 34. And during our trip together, the topic of his weed use came up in a real way. He smokes. I don't. And it's not that I'm judging him for it. It's more that I'm trying to figure out where my own line is and how to hold it without turning into someone keeping score. We actually worked out a kind of compromise together, which felt like real progress. But since then, he went back to his hometown... And it didn't fully stick to what we'd agreed on. It wasn't a blow up, but it left me quite worried. Becca, I know you smoke yourself. Rebuttal?

I don't smoke.

You chew the gummy gills.

I take edibles.

But nonetheless, you get high.

Right. Is it something you and your partner share or navigate differently? Tanya, since you don't, I'd love your perspective. How do you approach it when it's not your thing, but it's part of someone else's life? How do you two handle it when your circles or habits pull you in different directions? I'm wondering if this is something that could quietly become a long-term deal-breaker. This past year with him has been amazing, though. I've never met someone like him.

He's never once wanted to avoid this topic, and he never gets defensive.

That's huge.

Yeah, I used to be so anti-weed, and I literally was so... I mean, I was anti-everything. I was very judgmental. And I think until I did it myself, I realized, like, I mean... I don't know how much he's smoking, but I don't really need weed. I'm not like dependent on weed. I just take it as like extracurricular. It would be like someone having a glass of wine at night. If you do that, I would say if, but not every night.

So anyways, I don't know if I'm like in the same situation as this, but Haley and I both do it equally. So there's not like a you need to, you know, limit your amount. We both do it occasionally to decompress and, and we really just get like giggly and eat snacks. That's really the extent of it.

I do think though that if you do have a different like need or want for it, I do think that will ultimately cause some sort of friction because like, I'm not a weed, like I don't, I'm not like drug early and I don't really like weed. I think I've like maybe tried like a piece of an edible once in my life.

Like it's not my thing.

And I don't, Robbie wasn't necessarily anti, but I think because he was dating, like he dates me, like he doesn't really, we just don't, it's not like a thing that we do together. And so we drink together. Let's say like that was, that's like our thing. We would drink kind of like the same, you know, we went out, we would drink a martini. Ever since I've been trying to conceive, I've cut back on my drinking significantly. And so has he. And so it's like we kind of do stuff in tandem. And I think that that works in a relationship. But I think like and not that I'm sitting here telling him that you can't drink like he will. It's not like he I barely drink and he'll maybe have like a drink a month or, you know,

it's like it's very rare, but he still drinks. All I'm saying is I think that there would be some sort of tension for me personally if he was like taking an edible every night or smoking every night. Like I do think it would make me feel a certain type of way.

I agree. I think if I wasn't doing anything and my partner was, whatever the vice is, they were doing it so often and it altered their personality. I didn't feel like we were actually spending time together because we were on two very different wavelengths. I think that naturally forms kind of like a.

Friction.

Right.

But I also think... I don't know if like Jasmine, I don't know if you're totally sober or if you just don't smoke weed. But I also think that makes a difference because it would be like if he was like, hey, I'm going to smoke and you're like, OK, I'm gonna have a glass of wine. But I think if you're sober and not doing anything and your partner's doing stuff, I think that's hard.

And I mean, not to get too ahead of yourself, Jasmine, but like when you're trying to conceive, the weed smoking's got to go.

We know nothing about Jasmine, but good to know.

Slows down your swimmers significantly.

Mark, Easton, how do y'all feel about it? Because neither of y'all drink or smoke that I know of, unfortunately. For the bond.

Yeah, Easton's like, I rip a bong every night before I go to bed.

I do. And I got some Quaaludes left over from the 80s that I like to hit every now and then. But no, I've never drank. I've never smoked. I've never done.

Any of that stuff.

I'm very pure.

But.

I, uh, Alison will drink a glass of wine. God, these days it feels like every six months it's like so infrequent. Um, and that's not because of me. Like I, I've never said like, I don't want you to do that. You know, that, that, that doesn't bother me at all. Um, if she was someone who liked to party that way, I probably wouldn't have started dating her because that's not what I like to do. Right. Um, and, uh, it's just funny cause like, I think before we started dating, she would she would drink at like a party or something or a dinner. And especially since we've been married, like she never, ever gets anything. Like if we go to a really nice Mexican restaurant, she got a margarita, but like, that's it. And I just think it's just

because we're on the same kind of rhythm.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, it's just about, it's just about being in sync with the other person.

I agree.

I think that's, that's the, I think that I don't abstain from drinking because I'm anti-alcohol. If I was, that would be a different situation. But I just don't do it because it's not my thing. Anybody else who wants to do it, my wife, anybody, any of our friends, go for it. Have fun. It's just not my thing.

So I don't care if anybody does it around me. It doesn't bother me. I don't feel like it creates any tension, any friction, any barrier. I don't feel that. I've never felt that.

Maybe, Jasmine, maybe you need to ask yourself what it is about it. Is it because it alters his personality? Do you not like the smell of it?

Because smoking weed is very different.

Than taking an edible.

Yeah.

Or is it that you just feel like he's dependent on it to either be in a good mood or, you know, sleep, whatever.

Yeah, let's get to the root of the why. Why is it bothering you?

I think if it's bothering you because you feel like he's having fun and he's more relaxed than you without you, or if you're just like, you were taught that it was wrong. So therefore you've carried that on. Cause I dealt with that for a long time with alcohol and, and weed. But I think it's more so figuring out what, what is it that bothers you about it? Is it like you wanting to have control over what he's doing?

You know, I think it's not kind of navigating why it, why it bothers you.

Excellent advice. Really glad we got there.

I respect y'all's purity.

Thank you.

Not yours. You drink. I'm talking about there.

I barely drink anymore.

I pointed my body in many other ways. So, uh, you know, it's all balanced.

When I, for instance, I'll, I'll have a drink. Like if we go to a restaurant or something and they have what the cocktails look good, I'll have a drink, but I always get a soda.

Oh yeah.

Like I, I will have three drinks. I'll have water, a soda and a cocktail.

Wow.

Because when my food comes, like before, if we're having appetizers and stuff, I like to sip on the alcohol, like the cocktail. But then I like when my actual meal comes, I want soda.

And when does the water happen?

Just like it.

Throughout.

Okay. Sipped on, yeah. Sure.

And is it always a Dr.

Pepper?

Well, not everywhere has Dr.

Pepper. That's true.

So I vary. But yeah, it's the three drink rule for me. Three drink minimum in a different way. Okay, we're going to take a break and then it's game time, baby!

Game time, baby!

We're back.

It's game time. It's a new game. Do we start with the don't say the same word?

I think we end with that.

No, I want to do it first, please.

Does it get you in the spirit?

Yeah.

All right, fine.

So much for that idea.

All right.

I got 10 things here. The goal is to not say the same thing at the same time.

Ready?

Yes.

Tanya's grinning ear to ear. Becca's ready. Here we go.

Becca is ready.

Here we go. Movie genre. Three, two, one.

Comedy.

Types of weather. Three, two, one. Brand of shoe. Three, two, one.

Naked wolf.

What'd you say?

Naked wolf.

Whoa, that's so random.

See, that's the problem with this game is you could just say random things that don't fit together.

Look it up.

Yeah, that one's legit.

I'm not gonna.

It is, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Suit in a deck of cards. Three, two, one.

Diamond.

Oh.

Oh, what? I said queen.

I said queen.

What'd you say?

A suit. The suit.

That's not the character.

Oh.

So what do we do now? Do we replace that one? Yeah, replace.

You gotta throw it out because we can't do it again.

Right, okay.

Do we not, we all just lose? No. Oh.

With all due respect, Mark didn't set it up properly.

I think he did. Out of the four.

Suits in the deck, which suit should you pick?

It's not a paragraph.

Out of the four options. Okay. That's okay. Move on, Mark.

I don't know. Can we move on or do I have to find a new category? All right. I'll think of a new category.

Dog breeds.

We already did that one.

We did? I don't think we did that one, Mark.

Well, I can't do it now, because you'll think about it.

Yeah, Easton.

All right, here we go. Back at it, although this is already tainted.

That's not the attitude.

Utensil, three, two, one.

Spoon.

Spork.

Wow, she cracked the code.

Dairy product, three, two, one.

Cornish cheese.

Wow. Condiment, three, two, one.

Marshmallish.

Planet, three, two, one.

Jupiter.

Shape, three, two, one.

Circle. Diamond.

Direction, three, two, one.

East.

Why didn't we say northeast?

You were doing the niche ones. I was needing you to go. Shoot.

Southwest. Anything but the war. That's my strategy. Like don't do the basic ones.

All right. Here's how the tower of music works. They will each have a category that bands would fit into. Like artists that begin with letter S. Artists from Russia, whatever it is.

Oh my God, Russia.

Could be obscure. You never know.

Do not give us that one.

So they guess back and forth bands. Once they have four correct, they can guess the category. Whoever gets the category first wins.

All right.

They each have their category. And the way that you play it is, can I get? For whatever reason, you say, can I get this artist?

A celebrity name.

Yes.

Okay.

And one more clue.

Wait, I didn't get a celebrity.

No.

That's the category. You're going to guess the category. So one more thing. Make sure you don't just focus on one type of artist. You want as broad, old, new, middle, different genres. Make sure you go wide with it. Okay. It'll be more fun.

Okay.

Here we go. Why don't you go first, Becca? Because Tanya doesn't seem to know how this goes. Okay.

Can I get Miley Cyrus?

Yes.

You can get Miley Cyrus.

She can?

No.

She can?

I can see through that.

Oh, you saw it?

I didn't see it, but I'm just saying I can see whatever the writing is.

No, she can't.

Oh, you can't.

I can't have, okay. No. Okay. Yikes. This could be a disaster. Yeah, this could be.

I don't want to tell you what I think because I don't want to give it away, but, um, I'll save that for after. Okay.

Can I get Billy Joel?

No.

Can I get Dolly Parton? Yes.

Okay.

Oh my God. Maybe Mark answer me.

I guess.

Uh, I mean, if he's struggling, okay.

All right, fine. You can have Dolly Parton.

You can have Dolly Parton.

Okay. That doesn't make me feel confident, you guys.

Maybe put a question mark next to Dolly.

Can I have Snoop Dogg? No.

Can I have Willie Nelson? No.

Can I have Ella Langley?

No. Can I have Shania Twain?

I'm going to say yes.

You're serving as her counsel.

Can I get Goo Goo Dolls?

No. Can I get Faith Hill?

Yes.

Oh, my God. Can I get Madonna?

Yes. Can I get Ella Langley?

Nope.

Can I get Britney Spears?

No.

No?

I get one yes, and I'm like, no?

Can I get Carrie Underwood? No. No.

Can I get Black Eyed Peas?

No. Can I get Martina McBride?

Yes.

Yes, you can. Can I get Sarah McLachlan?

No.

So, I mean, you technically have four.

I do?

Becca, you could guess the theme if you wanted to. I think only three really are solid.

Or you can keep playing.

Yeah.

I'm going to get one more to fill. Dolly's got me shooken up a little bit. Can I get Tim McGraw?

Yeah.

Yeah, you can. Can I get Charlie XCX?

No. Can I get Kenny Chesney?

No.

Oh.

Ha ha. Can I get, okay, Madonna, Madonna. Can I get Rihanna?

Yes. Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I think you can get Kenny Chesney, by the way.

God.

But I think you're being led down a bad path.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Can I get Taylor Swift?

Nope.

Can I get Adela?

Yeah. Okay, I got a guess now. But you threw me off with... I know mine! I was going to guess pop country or 90s country.

Well, both would be wrong.

Oh. Mark? Okay, it's kind of wrong. One is more wrong than the other.

Yeah.

Which one would you like to pick?

90s? Country?

No, that is incorrect.

Okay.

It's incorrect.

Is my theme artist with one name?

You have to get one more before you can guess.

Why?

That's the rule. You have to get four.

She got four. She did.

I got Madonna, Rihanna, and Adele.

Oh, so I have one more guess.

Yeah, you got one more guess.

Okay, well, am I? Hold on, I gotta go again.

Go ahead. Prince?

Can I get Prince?

Yeah.

Am I top country?

Nope.

Am I artist with one word?

Yeah. One name?

Yes, you are.

Wait, what was mine? Just 90s artists.

90s artists.

Oh.

No country. The problem is, Shania Twain, Faith Hill, Martina McBride, Tim McGraw. They're all nineties artists.

Yeah.

So it kind of set you down the wrong path.

You should have said like Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Black.

I know. I couldn't. I was left on a country path. Good job, Tanya.

Thank you. I love this game. I thought I was screwed after Black Eyed Peas. I thought I had it.

What'd you think it was?

Um, Super Bowl?

Super Bowl.

I did consider that.

And then I thought maybe like Coachella performers, like Madonna came out this year.

That's a good game. I like that one.

It's all right. It's no Family Feud.

Okay.

Well, next week, I'll tell you what. Next week, we'll do a special October Halloween-themed Family Feud.

Wow.

Now that's going to get people coming back next Thursday. Let me tell you, that is gonna get the scrubbers back next Thursday with the wet appetite what's that.

We just lost him.

I'm gonna lick that poo and get my rod ta ta ta got me going crazy for that poo na na na they.

Came and they went I love it I love that you think that a wet appetite is actually wet.

Wet from saliva yeah.

I fear I'm confused now.

That H is going to sneak up on you.

It really is.

That H?

Go ahead. I don't want to mansplain you.

I don't either.

I know.

When you say wet your appetite, it's not W-E-T, it's W-H-E-T, and it's a completely different word than the state of being wet.

Oh, I had no idea.

It's wet.

You knew that?

No, I just stay quiet. Sometimes staying quiet is the way to appear intelligent. Guess what, though?

Not afraid to look dumb. Because a lot of people are out there.

It also means to sharpen a blade or a tool.

Sharpen or stimulate. Yeah, that's what it means.

Oh, I thought it.

Was because your mouth gets wet when you see something yummy.

When I see something yummy, I say I'm getting so wet.

Same.

Wow, I've been using it wrong my whole life. The more you know.

All we are here to do is learn and teach the others.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And with that being said, we're going to end on that note.

Yeah.

Not because you're embarrassed.

No, because we're wet for next week.

Okay.

Wet or what? Wet. All right. Have a wonderful weekend. We love you so much. Love you. Bye.

Bye.

A Wet Appetite

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