S11E26: SEASONS CAN BLOOM AGAIN : SO WILL YOU.

0:00 Hello my beautiful survivors. This is Karina, the hosting creator behind Stroke Surviving the Odds, the podcast where the mission of the shop is to help you become your life, become your identity and move forward after stroke. I'm a 28 year survivor for instant deception at the age of 25 and I am also a stroke recovery coach.

0:27 Today I want to talk about something that we see happening around us every year. What do you think it is when, you guessed it, the seasons change? Here in Canada, we can really see it at this time of year. The warm days are getting shorter, the air changes and becomes crisper, the leaves begin changing colors, and yes, there's pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.

0:55 Not that I particularly like it, but it is there. I noticed that the trees that once were completely green are becoming bare. Yet we don't look at those trees and think they're finished, do we? We don't think they're dead. They're kept put. They're useless. No, we know that something. It's something that they're going through.

1:22 Well, if she if seasons can change, so can you. And I think it's an important lesson. When we look outside around us, that lesson reminds us that there was life after stroke. Over 11 seasons. I've been drilling inside your mind that a life after stroke can be beautiful if you decided to choose, and that's what I'm trying to show to you today. Just another way you can think of it as letting go and moving on.

2:02 I know that I'm going to be roughing some feathers and some people are going to be upset. Remember that. I've been through the emotions you're going through. I'm 28 years down the road, guys. I've been in your shoes. So if I tell you this confidence today that there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel, it's because I know it. One thing I know, one thing I know for sure is that after stroke, we put tremendous pressure on getting better, walking better, talking better, thinking better and clearer, feeling better, become more independent, get back to work, become the person we were before. I know we all do that and very often we don't. We start accepting the people on the outside are putting that pressure on us.

2:58 That's where I'm going to remind you nobody makes us do anything or steal anything. We are responsible for the way we think and the way we act and we can't put it on other people. All right, that's my little rant for right now that I really want you guys to succeed. So let's get back to today's call show, shall we? If life isn't supposed to look the same every season, it's not supposed to be perfect.

3:31 Each leaf, each flowers petals, nothing is perfect. Yet if it is right when we look around that it's like damn it's beautiful. Well, nature doesn't work without perfectionism, so why should we? Why should you? A tree doesn't bloom 12 months out of the year guys, the season of growth, season change and season of letting go. And if you're listening to this today, it's because you are in the season of letting go.

4:08 I would like for you to think about this right now. You are doing all the exercises, you're going through all your therapies, you're working on your speech, you're trying to improve your balance, your confidence relationship. That's a shit load of things to be doing right now. And guess what you are doing now?

4:30 You're also trying to understand the person that you're becoming, and it's kind of scary and it leads you to wonder sometimes, am I? Am I going ahead? Am I not further ahead? I thought I was, but damn it, it's slow. And it's funny because you're noticing you are so exhausted and you're wondering why.

4:58 But I just told you, you are comparing yourself to who you were. And when you compare yourself, you're using energy from your mind, from your brain, from your memories and your nervous system. And all that becomes extremely exhausting. And while I'm telling you guys this, I have a picture in mind.

5:22 You know, here in Canada, we have a thing in the month of January. It's, it's OK. It's a super cold month and we're used to it. But comes February, we are fed up. I don't know but other Canadians, but I know that I am ready to shed some clothing and see a little bit of light and put my feet on the ground without snow.

5:49 So that period of the month of February, we're like, oh damn it, this is fucking long. The winter is super long. This might be the period you're in right now that you're like, this should be going a lot faster and this is taking forever. But I want you to know and I want you to pay attention that spring is coming after winter, yes. So your rehabilitation, all the hard work, all the lengthily times that you are thinking it's taking too long, it will be fruitful and beautiful pretty soon. But it's part of the process, guys, unfortunately. Don't get mad at me.

6:40 I know I used to get so upset when people would tell me, Karina, take your time. It takes time. It's going to get better. And I'm like, shut the up, you know? But they were right. I'm sorry, but they were right. I think that sometimes I stroke survivors, we have a very narrow definition of what progress means, and we want progress to be something almost instantaneous and we don't want it to be another step or another accomplishment. We just want it to be.

7:18 But unfortunately, it can't always be like that. You can tell. You can tell the grass grow, grass grow, but it will not go as fast as it has to. There's a process, there's a progress. It's the same thing. You can't be looking at a cake baking and saying cake bake faster, bake faster, bake faster cake. There is also a process and a progress to that baking cake. No, Do you understand that is growth? Growth has a progress and has a pause. I'm going to use my weather metaphor. We're in the dead of winter here in Canada and we're like, oh God, I'm fed up.

8:12 And I know spring is coming along. Like spring is right there. I know that it's going to be there. I don't know what kind of spring we're having. I don't know if it's going to be a rainy or if I'm going to be taking out my boots and my umbrella or if I'm going to have already short season on an earlier time, but I know it's coming.

8:35 That's the same thing, same thing you are going through. So with all this, what has fall and winter taught us? I think it's about letting go. Actually, I know it's about letting go. I'm going to use that example of trees and bushes. They don't desperately hold on to every leaf because they're afraid another one won't grow.

9:06 It just does. They release what doesn't serve them in order for new growth to come true. What are you holding on guys? What are you still holding on? Maybe there are old expectations. Maybe it's an old timeline that you gave yourself. Maybe it's somebody else's opinion of what life should look like for you after stroke. Is it guilt?

9:36 Is it anger? Maybe it's the idea that you're supposed to be exacting who you were before the stroke. Hmm. Really. Now, what would happen if you allowed yourself one of those things to fall like a deadly leaf? Not everything, just one. How liberated, how free, how light you would feel that you've been holding on to all of this for so long by fear of it leaving forever, that you're forgetting to be curious. Is something else going to come out of this? Fear makes us do very, very strange things, and fear stops us from choosing wisely, from opportunities, from leading by example.

10:35 It leaves us stuck. And I don't want you to be stuck when you're stuck. It's kind of like winter is right there. It's cold, quiet, it feels empty. Nothing is growing. But winter is in the Family Guy, it's part of the cycle. And when we are stroke survivors, unfortunately the emotions and the physical changes you are going through are part of a cycle. You might be thinking I'm a grown-ups adult, I might be, I must be, I should be able to do this. Have you ever been a stroke survivor before? How do you know what a stroke survivor is supposed to be like? You don't.

11:29 You just are. What I'm going to ask you is maybe a little bit of reflection. Just stay in silence, pause the podcast or listen to it and afterwards just stay. Stay where you're at for a few moments and and reflect and think and learn from your own emotions. What is your mind and your nervous system telling you? Are you being productive?

12:02 Are you feeling stuck? Are you willing to do things that are making you afraid, but you're doing it anyways because you're curious and you want to see what's going on? That sounds to me like spring. What happens in spring? I know that when I walk my dog, I love spring. I smell the grass. I see the different shades of green. I see those, you know, those little bushes along the sidewalks that people have to enclose their homes. I forget how they'll not see the bushes, but the ones that almost have those little red berries growing and they're budding, I just love it.

12:46 There's growth everywhere. My favorite. Oh my gosh, guys, if you ever want to offer me anything, offer me a flower, a Tulip, a plant, something that grows. I just stare at it. I could do that for minutes every day. Talk to it and stare at it and look at it. Progress. That's my favorite thing in the world.

13:10 Before you know it, suddenly you actually notice that you're doing shit by yourself, Things you were terrified of doing, conversations you were afraid of having, or words you were afraid of saying. You are doing it, man, Little by little, 1% every day. That's exciting, guys. I don't know about you, but that is exciting.

13:37 And I can honestly tell you this, at the beginning it was like, yeah, big, big deal. But it is. Leave me, trust me, and learn from me and my mistakes and my fears. You've got this. I so believe in you guys. This is what I have for you. Today. I would like for you to remember that you are allowed to rest and you are allowed to become someone you haven't met yet. If seasons can change and bloom again, I know that you will too. Thank you for listening to Stroke Surviving Beyond. I'm Karina, a stroke recovery culture and 28 years stroke survival myself and remember our mission is changing lives. One stroke survival at a time. 1 listener at a time. I love you.