S11E21: HOW TO BE CONFIDENT ( C. 3/7 Reclaim serie)

0:00 Hello my beautiful survivors, welcome to Stroke Surviving Beyond the podcast. I'm Kubena, the host and creator. The mission of the show is very simple, help you reclaim your life and reclaim your identity in order to be able to move on after the events of the stroke. As for me, I suffered a brain stem dissection at the age of 25. It led me to coma in the locked in syndrome. Today, 28 years later, I'm living my very best life and you guys are a very big part of it.

0:34 In this podcast, you're going to find tricks, hacks, how I got to become the person I am today and how I got to survive this world of stroke survivor. So I know it can be done and it shall be done. 28 years ago, there was nothing, no podcast, no social media. I had to figure things out for myself. You guys don't.

0:59 I'm here paving the way for you guys. All you have to do is sit back, grab a pen and paper and take some notes because the faintness of ink is better than the best family guys. I'm super excited. Today is day three of our seven day series on the reclaim method. So today we are going to talk about confidence. All right, before we commend, I don't want to bore you with all the normal clean house that I do because I know you know that you need to like, follow and subscribe and share with Sugar Bear, share the podcast with the world. So today I'm jumping right into it. Are you ready?

1:41 Quick recap, you know, I'm a stroke recovery coach and today I am on day three of seven explaining to you my method of reclaim. Reclaim. If you do the acronym, each letter has a significance. R is for reality, E emotion, C is for confidence, L is for letting go. A is for alignment, I is for identity, M is for movement. I'm going over the recap very quickly guys, so feel free to pause the podcast.

2:19 Take notes and like I said, do the acronym meaning you write the word reclaim on the vertical and each letter has a significance. Recap The R for reality. Well, we learned that there's a gap between the way reality is and our expectation of life after stroke. That is in episode 2 episodes ago. Then we talked about the E yesterday for the emotions.

2:50 Emotions simply come from unspoken emotions that come from inside you. You're not going to want to miss that episode. And today, today, I'm going to start with something very easy for you to understand. Confidence comes with practice. The more you do, the more you get good at it. The more you get good, the more you're confident. Got that.

3:17 This is where I'm going to ask you to take your pen and paper you are going to put down which one did these phrases? Just 123? OK, just #1 two or three. The phrase that I say that sounds that sounds the most like something you say. All right, and we're going to walk through that after. So these are commonly phrases that are of rather commonly things that are being said by stroke survivors. And then I've said two at the beginning. So phrase one is I don't feel confident enough to do that. Phrase 2 is I don't feel confident enough to go out. What are people going to say?

4:06 Phrase 3 is I don't feel confident enough to approach people because I have aphasia or I don't look the way I used to, so I don't feel confident and I'm going to give you a bonus phrase. Phrase #4 says I don't feel confident enough to try that again. Karina, I really messed up the first time. I didn't do good at all, so I don't want to try it again.

4:41 Guys, what did I just say to you before? Practice is what is going to make you become confident. In order to become confident, you have to allow yourself and you have to give yourself the chance to practice. So basically what you're doing right now is you're saying no, I'm not good, I'm not doing it. So you're not giving yourself that chance to grow from your maybe mistakes phrase number four said you've done it before, you're not doing it again because you fucked up, but it's by fucking up that we become good guys. I want you to understand that stroke survival or not, that is the way confidence happens.

5:35 Now, I'm always telling my people. I'm always telling my clients or when I go live on Facebook or something, repetition. Inconsistencies are keys to success. Repetition means you do it over and over and over until you get the desired result. Consistency means you're doing it every day. Not every other day, not once a week, not when you think about it. Consistency happens naturally all the time. So I want to tell you guys something. I want you to know how freaking brave I think you are. Remember, I've been where you are. I've been there.

6:27 It takes a hell of a lot of bravery and strength to dare yourself to accomplish something. So I am so, so proud of you. Now on another note, I often mention that when we have a stroke, we regress. Well Karina, I'm a grown ass adult. What do you mean I regress? Yep, for something in our brain. Something happens when we have a stroke that we return to some childhood. It could be infancy for some and it could be childhood for others.

7:11 I'm talking about young children. OK, So that's why we need a bit. That's why we need to learn or relearn how to do things. That brings me to my next point, and I want you to realize that you remember when you were a kid, and I know you don't remember the crawling and The Walking, but I know you remember first grade and you didn't know the alphabet and you didn't know your numbers that well.

7:45 You knew them, but not enough for your sake. You wanted to know more, but you eventually learned it. Yes, I know for myself. I remember when I went. That was my only memory of 1st of kindergarten. The teacher at the beginning of the year had written all the names of the students on the paper, and we had to put it in front of our our desk or our little cazier or wherever our personal belongings were. And she came up with the paper with my name spelled in block letters.

8:23 I didn't know how to write my name. My mom didn't talk to me. Or maybe my brain just didn't want to get it at six years old. So when my teacher showed me that, I was like, I don't know if she knew it was me. I did not know that was me. That was kind of like being a stroke survivor where we know things, we know we know things, but they just don't come out. They just don't add up.

8:56 Now I want to reiterate and remind you, you need to give yourself the grace of practicing. You have to allow yourself to make those little mistakes along the way and those big mistakes along the way in order to perfect who you are. If you don't and you hide under your shell, well, what can I say?

9:20 Any means is bliss sometimes, but one thing I know is that you are not ignorant. I'm going to give you a couple more scenarios that maybe are going to help you understand how far you have already come because I know you have come far in the past. Were you someone that would walk into a room full of strangers and you would not think about it twice? You know, I used to be a model and do bathing suit competition. Yeah, that's who I was.

9:54 Seems like it's ages ago, but that's what I would do. And the biggest competition that I've done, there was 800 people in that room. That means there was 1600 eyes looking at me in my bikini. And I did not care. I did not have a worry. I was working the stage on my I'm by myself in my heels and that was good.

10:24 Let me tell you this, no more heels for me. I only wear flats often. I have to wear running shoes because you know why it took me a long time. I have to agree and I have to accept it took me a while to adapt to that one. Not wearing heels with a specific outfit. That's why I make it a point to make my face pretty, my outfit pretty, having the appropriate accessories. That way they don't look at my feet. Wait, this reminds me.

11:04 I need to tell you guys my book is available. Do you like how you look when you leave the house after this book? It's all about the way you look, nothing about all this mumbo jumbo. I love to talk about emotions and all that, but it's all about what you see and how confident you can become with the way you look. And I share all my favorite tips over the years. So please guys, my book is available for $12.99 on Amazon. I am going to.

11:41 I wasn't expecting on I'm promoting it, but I guess I am now. I'm going to leave you in the description how you guys can get it. OK. And whoever orders it, please write me a comment write order. That way I'm going to know to send you a special something. I have special gifts I've been dying to give to my listeners and I just was looking for the right time. This is it.

12:09 So you buy the book, but you also get a second thing from me that you, I know you're going to love. Now, can I get back to my show? I do talk a lot, eh? I know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for bearing with me. All right. So were you that type of person that would walk in the room and everything twice?

12:29 Let me ask you this. Were you born capable of driving, of cooking a meal, of working, of using gardening tools, maybe using public transportation? Were you born with that? Of course not. Of course not. You learned. And how did you learn? By practicing. When you don't know where you're going and you take the bus and metro and you look at your GPS or your map, after a couple of times, you know how to go there by heart.

13:02 But you have to learn the way to go, right? Same thing here. You need to practice in order to learn how to become good at what you're doing. I am going to end the show in a positive note that I want you to really, really listen. I don't want you to get influenced by other people. By the way, people say you should be better than that. You should be able to go back to work. You do you.

13:46 People are always going to say something. You can't let them rain on your parade. You get that. If you're having a fantastic day, you do feel confident, you are learning, you are trusting the process that I'm telling you. If I can do it, guys, after 28 years, you can do it too. Don't let anybody rain on your parade and ruin how great you might feel. Even with a baby step.

14:17 You get that. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me on any platform that I'm on. You're going to have my description of where you can find me and worst case scenario, you leave me a comment here on Spotify or Apple or wherever you're listening. Guys, today's show was all about you and all about empowering, how you can become practic, how you can become confident with practice. OK, And stop being so hard on yourself, man. The world is hard enough on you.

14:55 You don't need to be hard. This is what I have for you guys today. I thank you immensely. I want you to know that I am a stroke recovery coach specialized, I am a trauma survival coach and I am a life coach. But my specialty is with you guys. I learnt so much about myself after stroke and you guys are teaching me so much about myself. So I have to say thank you to you. So I'm going to leave the episode as in I'm going to leave you all my description.

15:32 I'm excited. My little mini book, my ebook is available on Amazon. I am going to be giving you the link and I am going to wish you a fabulous rest of the day. And we are going to reconvene tomorrow with letter L Thank you. See you in a bit. I love you. Bye.