S11E2 : YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTIONS. ( E. 2/7 reclaim serie)

Hello and welcome to you my beautiful survivors. I'm Karina, the hosting creator behind this podcast where the mission of the show is to reclaim your life and reclaim your identity and move forward after stroke. Because I guarantee you there is plenty of beautiful life to live. As for me, I suffered a brain sent dissection that led me to coma Interlochen syndrome.

I was 25 at the time. Let me tell you, that was 28 years ago. Yep, I'm that kind of a survivor. I vowed I was going to do something for my community of stroke survivors. I didn't know what, I didn't know how, but I just knew that I had to do it. There was number Internet, no Facebook, no social media, no podcasting.

I was left to my own me, my family and my social worker. That's it. Well, guess what, I'm here now and I am going to be helping you to survive this world as a stroke survivor yourself. Grab yourself a drink, pen and paper because the faint is a ink is better than the best memory. Come and join me here as we are recording today's episode.

So we are going to be continuing our seven part reclaim theory where I'm breaking down the different pieces of emotional healing and recovery in order to rebuild your identity. Yep, I forgot to tell you I'm a stroke recovery coach myself. Yep, after all these years of experience and I told you I wanted to do something for my community.

So right now I am really, really breaking down my strategy, my own personalized reclaim method, what I use with my client, what I'm still using, what I'm excited about. Every time I use it, I do it myself. Each letter of the reclaim, if you take the acronym RECLAIM, each letter has a significance. Example, R is for reality, which is what we talked about yesterday.

I'll get back to it after. E is for emotions, what we're going to be talking today. C is for confidence. L is for letting go. A is for alignment. I is for identity. M is for movement. What I'm going to ask is for you guys to listen to the seven episodes. I'm going to be doing this every day for seven consecutive days. I want you guys to have all the information when I'm done. I would like you to write down the letters that pertain to you, the letters you identify yourself with. Maybe they were a little bit challenging over the years. Maybe they still.

You're having a hard time letting go. You're having a hard time accepting you're having a hard time fingernail. Who are you? A lot of people come up to me. That's probably the most common question I get Karina. How do I get back to who I was, who I am? I don't know who I am. I I don't know this person anymore.

I don't relate to her. I have no purpose. Well, we break it down together, but for today we are starting at the beginning. 2nd letter, E for emotion. This is where I'm going to invite you to grab your pen and paper and give me two seconds and I will be right back. All right, let's get the show on the road.

So a quick recap of what we did yesterday. The R was for reality, and we learned that expectations and reality after strokes are very, very different. Do you agree? Well, today we're going to move on to the second letter, which is the E for emotions. And this is where you're going to start taking notes if it's OK with you. I've also encountered people that don't like to take notes, but they will write on their computer or there are going to text some even verbally say what's going on and they record themselves.

So that's OK too as long as you take notes. So the first thing that's noticeable after stroke is any sort of physical change. And the majority of people will have, I'm talking about survivors will have some sort of physical and audible changes. My question is, what happens to those who don't have any physical disabilities?

Everything is creatively, it's feelings, it's emotion, it's psychological. So stick around. We're going to talk about that, but I'm just throwing it out there right now. OK, So I did have to bullet point today because I find emotions are a very, very big part of rehabilitation of emotional recovery.

As for me, I was already back then training to become to be in this fitness competition. I have lost all my baby weight. So the physical aspect of things, even though I was very much affected, I was so driven to go back at the gym and work out. So my physical came back quickly. What really took a long time, guys, for me is the emotional and psychological toll that it took on me. And I had a very big, heavy baggage from my childhood. So I had that to deal with at the same time. But again, that's another subject that's for another episode.

But I just want you to know that I did go through all those changes that I talk about. It's because I know what you guys are going through. OK, so we're going to go on and I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Of course, they're rhetorical. You can't talk to me right now, but I would love if you communicate with me in my description. I'm going to leave you all the ways you can talk to me or if you're comfortable, of course, here on Spotify, leave me any comments.

So today as it is, can you talk? Can you speak? Can you walk? Can you move your arms? Do you feel a little bit stronger every day, or do you find things are remaining the same and it's kind of stagnant, There's no action? Well, this is where things are going to get real because we are talking emotions.

One thing people around you don't often ask you because they're relying on what they see and if they don't see any physical changes, they think everything is OK, so you can't hold it against them. Sometimes ignomance is bliss. People rely on what they see and they don't push a little further. And I personally find that this is where there's a big lack of education and empathy of other people because I've gone through this myself.

And I noticed that if they don't see something going on with you physically, they think everything is OK. And not many people. And I, to be honest with you, I have not heard it myself. Back then, 28 years ago, when I was recovering and rehabilitating and going through all my emotional healing that I was doing, nobody asked me, how are you feeling about everything that's happened to you?

I wish somebody had asked me that. I'm going to be asking you this right now and I want you to be completely real and write down. If you can only write words, do so, but let it out, my friend. How are you feeling about everything that happened to you? I'll tell you this, your body went through a lot to say the least.

Your brain went kaboom and now you're left picking up those pieces. But the good news is, my friend, that you are not alone. One, I'm here with you, and two, the community is here with you. All right? Some of the comments that I get often all the time, actually is not in any particular order. I'm just putting it out there as I'm flowing and feeling, and I know it happens.

Karina, is it normal that I cry so much? Well, duh, yes. When we have a stroke, we regress. That means we go back to a little bit of our childhood. Again, it depends where where the stroke happened but I'm sorry I don't care if she's 60 or if you're 40. Yes we are grown ass adults but the mind regressed, the body regressed.

That's why we need bibs when we eat at the beginning. Guys I know I threw some plates of food to my mother-in-law and I had spaghetti on the walls. Oh my gosh. OK, another question or rather a statement. I am so fucking angry, Karina. I'm always so angry. I I'm angry at everything and it's disrupting my my life at home with my family because I'm so angry and pissed off all the time. It becomes so frustrating for me and for my caregiver. Is it normal?

Yes. Short answer is yes. Another one. I'm afraid I'm going to get another stroke. I'm afraid of everything, Karina. I don't want to leave my house. Sometimes I don't want to leave my house because I'm so embarrassed. I don't want people to see me this way. I don't want people to see that I need help and I need help. So I pretend that I don't need help. Where's the logic in these guys?

If you need help, you get the help. If you need help with if, when I need help with the grocery store, let me tell you, I'm not shy to ask someone to go on the shelf. That's too high for me. All right? And that's an example. Other people are saying I'm so sad I'm borderline depressed or I feel depressed. I am so sad.

I don't even want to play with my kids. What kind of parent am I? What kind of mother am I? Those are. That is a completely normal feeling. My daughter was 16 months when I had my stroke when I was 25. She was 16 months and I could not kick the ball. I could not do anything with her. That's why when I got to rehab, one of the first things that I asked is that they show me how I can drag myself on the floor from, let's say the couch to the floor safely. And I could play with her on the floor. But I was always sad.

Sometimes we fake it till we make it because we don't want our kids to see this. But as she grew, I allowed myself to be a little bit sad. It's important for our kids guys to see what's going on, but also you are leading by example because those times you're vulnerable and sad and then you slowly get better because you either get the help you need or you're on medication or by the grace of God you are slowly getting better. You are leading by example and showing them that it's possible. No matter what the fuck happens in life, you can always get better.

And I have a client of mine that actually feels guilty. Feels guilty that he can't bring the bags from the grocery in because he would love to help his wife and unfortunately he can't. Or as much as he wants to. He can't do as much as he wants and he feels guilty about that. Guilt is a silent killer guy. I'm I know guilt is a silent killer that robs you from being happy.

But often we inflict our own guilt. Guilt is is our it's a you problem. It's a me problem, it's a US problem. It's not their problem. But when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the pain of change, I'm going to do a little bit of coaching with you guys, OK? But before I continue, I want you to know today's episode is a little bit longer than yesterday because anybody who knows me knows I'm all about feelings and emotions.

And this is my jam today. So I love being in this particular mind. How can I say mindset and mindspace and you and I are together. I need that's what I got to say. OK, so let's go on right now. Take your pen and paper if you can. And what I'm going to make you do is you're not going to give me the answer because I am going to give you the answer.

I want you to think and I want you to feel what I'm talking about. You know, before I talked about being frustrated, embarrassed, angry, sad, all the, that nice Blair stuff. OK, now we're going to play a game of opposite very short. What is the the difference? Oh, yeah. What's the opposite of being embarrassed? Proud.

So every time you're embarrassed in front of people, every time you're embarrassed to leave your house and you're walking with a limb or with a cane or a wheelchair, or you sound funny when you talk, I want you to realize that in the mind of that person, they are fucking proud of you because you are rocking it and you are not letting any adversity bother you in any way.

And think about leading your children. That's another thing, I'm not going to get into it, but you figure out how you are leading your children. Are you always sad and mad or are you getting shit done? And are you forcing yourself to be happy in a good mood and lead by example for them? That when things get bad they always end up being good? What's the opposite of being angry? Joy, Happiness.

Don't you want more of that in your life? Don't you feel good just thinking about being happy? I don't know about you, but I just said the word happy and I'm like dancing inside of me. Someone that loses their identity, where you wonder who the hell are you? Well, yes, in a way you are grateful.

The opposite of that is being in gratitude mode, not being grateful that you're alive and my life is shit, but I'm alive. I don't want that. I want you to realize that there is beautiful life to live after stroke. Life is not over. And when you realize that, you're going to start being grateful for what you see, what you feel, what you eat, what you smell.

That is what I want. If you're fucking frustrated, I get it. I'm frustrated too sometimes. But guess what? I'm also excited to know how the hell am I going to make this. It's pretty cool, man. When you think about it. We have the possibility of choosing wisely what we do while we are leaving our children, our family, our husbands, because they're baby children.

We love our men, but that's how they are. OK, you might be having an amazing day, but because your spouse is in a crappy mood, you come home and you absorb everything your spouse goes through and fuck, you're not important anymore. What is that? No, you had a fantastic day. You stay in that particular moment in that energy of having an amazing good vibing day.

Trust me, your spouse won't have a choice to come back and be like, actually many spouses say if they can do it, if mindstroke survivor can have a great thing and feel good and always be optimistic, what the heck am I complaining about? If they can do it, I can do it too. You are leading by example, my dear, but I want you to realize that at the end of the day, it's up to you.

Do you want to be sort of like, for lack of better word, OK, Don't judge me here. Do you want to be like a mortal or poor her? Poor him? Or do you want to say no, no, poor me because I'm going to get this done. I'm going to get my shit under control. I am going to control my anger. I am going to do what I have to do.

I am going to go get a coach. I'm going to go see a therapist. I am going to start journaling. I'm going to stop drinking so much. I'm going to stop smoking marijuana so much. I'm going to start exercising. I am in control of who I am. OK, Wow, that was powerful. Even for me. I'm like, yeah, baby, I got this. But I want you to realize it's not every day you're going to feel like that.

And I don't want you to kick yourself in the butt. Those days that you are not feeling it. Allow yourself to be in a fucking bad mood. Allow yourself to be in a crappy mood and to feel bad about tomorrow is another day. There's a singing in Italian. The money to know Cajunata. No, I'm not Italian, but I love that thing because that means tomorrow is another day.

I am allowing myself today to feel how I feel and what I feel because I know tomorrow I get another chance. So guys, this is what I have for you today. Make sure you like, follow, subscribe on any platform. You're currently listening to your podcast. You know that I am a stroke survivor and a stroke recovery coach. I am enrolling new clients always. I have an Evergreen meaning it's always an ongoing coaching program that I have.

We adapted to you personally. So if you would like more information, simply comment info and I'm definitely, I know what it means. I'm definitely going to be in touch and we're going to figure this out together, OK? But you are not alone. You are enough. You are loved and you got this man. I believe in you. I love you.

Have a great day and we'll see you tomorrow.

S11E2 : YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTIONS. ( E. 2/7 reclaim serie)

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