S11E27:: WHAT ARE YOU READY TO RELEASE?

0:00 Welcome back to Stroke Surviving the Odds. I'm Karina, the hosting creator behind where the mission of our show here is to help you reclaim your life, reclaim your identity, and move forward past the events of the stroke. As for me, I suffered A brainstem dissection at the age of 25. That was 28 years ago.

0:23 As you can see, I'm here living my best life and you guys are a very big part of it. Here I share all my tricks, hacks, how I got to survive this world as a stroke survivor myself. Guys, 28 years ago there was nothing, no social media, no podcast. I had to figure life for myself. Well, guess what, I'm here now.

0:46 You guys don't have to guess anymore and you don't have to feel alone. So we're going to do this together. Grab yourself a pen and paper because the paint is a ink is better than the best memory. Come and join me here as we are recording today's episode. Today I want to talk about something that sounds very simple, but it's not and it's letting go.

1:12 Guys, you notice that here in Canada, we're moving into fall weather's the weather's changing. We're wearing thicker sweaters. There's pumpkin spice lattes that is coming at Starbucks in a few weeks from now. The air feels different and soon the trees are going to be bare. I was walking my dog this morning and a few thoughts came unto mind. Excuse me Now, a tree doesn't fight to keep every leaf right? It doesn't say, wait a minute, what about that one? I can't let it go.

1:55 That one has to stay with me all life. Nope. In fact, every single leaf falls. I'm gonna become very analytic here and very deep. But really, guys, think about it. Every leaf falls and that tree is letting it go. Why? Because the leaf belongs to the next season. And this whole thing got me thinking.

2:29 Maybe there are things in our lives that belong to other seasons too, and we're holding on to. What are you still holding on to after stroke? We hold on to a lot. A lot of memories, sentiments, fears. It's it's you. Wow. We hold on to so much of who we used to be, what our bodies used to do, how we used to speak, how we used to work, the relationships we used to have, the independence, the confidence.

3:09 And now everything is just weird. Now I understand this now because I had my stroke at 25 years old. Back then, I didn't know that much. I knew what was happening. I knew that I had to survive because my daughter was 16 months old and she needed me, That my life wasn't supposed to go in that particular direction. But it did.

3:42 There's so many things I could have spent the rest of my life saying, but I used to. I quickly learned that it didn't serve me, so I had no choice to learn to let it go. Letting go doesn't mean that you're forgetting. It doesn't mean that you're pretending that something didn't matter at all. And it certainly doesn't matter.

4:08 It doesn't mean that you have to be happy about what happened to you. No way man, Come on. A crazy person would be happy having a stroke. How can you possibly be? But guys, realistically letting go means that you are deciding that something from your past doesn't get the control of a part of your future.

4:37 When we hold on to things, that's exactly what we're doing. We're letting control our present. We're letting our present dictate our future. And I don't know about you, but I always think the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So if you've been thinking constantly and ruminating of your past and what used to be, I'm sorry my friend, but you are bringing exactly that into your future.

5:13 Letting go is a form of grief. Grief is not only when we lose another person that is physically alive in front of us. You are in the process maybe of grieving your old self. But we don't talk enough about the grief that happens when we lose pieces of ourselves after stroke. You might look and you might think differently and you might wonder, where the hell did I go? What happened to me?

5:48 I used to, I used to, I used to. And now I can't and I'm in fucking pain. Well, we're going to do something about that because I'm exhausted. I'm tired of feeling this way. Don't worry, guys, I've got you. Now we're going to go back and we're going to think about that tree again. When the leaves fall, the tree looks completely different, right?

6:15 When we look at a beautiful tree in the summer, full of leaves, it looks lush, full. But in the winter, it looks bare, depleted. Empty, yes. But in reality, that tree is not dead. That tree, something is happening inside of it. Something is preparing for change. That's exciting guys. And eventually another season shows up and spring is here. Recovery can be exactly like that. You are rebuilding from the inside out every season. If seasons change 4 * a year, guess what baby, you are too. The seasons don't go and say Oh my God I'm so fucking exhausted. I don't want to change.

7:11 I want to stay here. I want to stay in the summer mode. I want to stay in the in the spring mode. No, it goes through the process. So there's seasons for you guys where you need to release something. That's something. Is it guilt? Is it anger? Is it resentment? Comparison because you're constantly comparing yourself to someone else.

7:38 But more importantly, I want you to think, what are you offering yourself something to come in? Is it joy, happiness, fulfilment, independence, happiness, compassion? Is it a better relationship with yourself, never mind with others, with yourself? Are you showing yourself more love, more kindness? Are you respecting yourself better? Maybe time.

8:18 Maybe the time you're spending with people is going to be more of being present, being in the now. How exciting are these possibilities? But I guarantee you, as long as you don't let go, you're not allowing yourself to feel these beautiful emotions and change seasons, You know that I'm a stroke recovery coach and I have a program that I coach and it's called the Reclaim program.

8:59 Now, the L is for letting go. Now, it's very difficult to reclaim your identity like I mentioned in the intro, when both hands of yours are still holding on so tightly to who you used to be, and letting go is something that basically feels impossible by your own fault. But when you decide that it's time to move forward and to change seasons and and to bloom again, trust me baby, you are making the best decision of your life. So what I would like for you to do right now is take that pen and paper that I asked you to have at the beginning. Pause the podcast if you want, go and get it, OK? And take that paper and finish this sentence. I'm going to read to you.

9:54 I am ready to let go of and write what you are letting go of now. Don't overthink, don't analyze, just spill your guts. Can you do that? You write the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't think. Maybe it's something huge, maybe it's something tiny, maybe it's a curse word. Maybe it's yourself. Talk, calling yourself dumb dumb. What could you make room for instead? That's what I care about.

10:27 Because when you decide to example, release fear, maybe you're making room to have more curiosity. If you're releasing comparison, because you're always comparing yourself to others and to yourself, maybe you're making room for having more confidence. Would you like that? If you're releasing the old version of you, you're not.

10:54 You're not killing it. You are releasing it and you're making room to discover who you are becoming. Now I'm always saying we have a pre stroke being and we have a post stroke being. My job is to merge them together. But before, before we merge them together, guys, before you start doing that, you need to acknowledge that the old you is holding you back and the new you is full of possibilities. That's part of the journey guys.

11:30 That's part of the process. I keep talking about and, and, and sometimes I've been talking to a lot of stroke survivors this week, 'cause I'm, I'm doing a lot of market research and what not. And letting go is a very, very, very big part that is hard to do for 90% of us have stroke survivors. But for those who have started to let go, tell me how freeing it is, how they feel lighter physically, they don't feel like they're holding a grudge anymore. Does that make sense?

12:15 Because those are the words that they use to express themselves to me. I'm fighting a cold and allergies. So my voice is a Little Rock and roll. So thanks for I'm trying to over pronounce words. I hope that I'm being very audible. I think I am, but I thought it was important to mention that to you guys.

12:40 I think today's message is that you are not alone guys. You are not alone. We are a community here of stroke survivors. There's ways for you to reach me. I'm going to leave all that in the description. And there's so many communities of stroke survivors and mine. I have to say I'm biased, but I do make sure that my group sees possibilities.

13:06 And my group on Facebook is of the same name as the podcast Stroke Week, Stroke Surviving the Odds. And you know what? I make sure that the group sees possibilities and they are all proactive. They don't go there to vent. They go there to support each other because it's important to pay it forward along the way.

13:32 Even though I didn't have social media and podcasts, there was still some people along the way that helped me, AKA my social worker a lot. A lot my social worker. But I did have people around me and that made me feel a little bit better. They never didn't have stroke. Stroke 28 years ago. Stroke was not as talked about as it is today. And I did feel alone because people didn't even my social worker, she didn't have a stroke. She didn't get it.

14:13 She learned in in textbooks. I learned with experience. I get you. When I tell you I've got you, I mean, I've got you. So I'm going to leave you guys with one question. What leaf are you really ready to let fall? Think about it, write it down and give yourself permission to leave it in this particular season and move forward. Guys, thank you so much for joining me today on Stroke Surviving the Odds.

14:45 You know how much I love you. I care for you. Remember that I am a stroke recovery coach and a 28 year stroke survivor myself and you are not what happened. Your story is still being written. I love you. Bye.