S11E4: RADICAL ACCEPTANCE and recovery.(guest, Stacey Piedrarita)

0:00 Hello my beautiful survivors, how are you? This is Karina from Stroke Surviving the Odds. Today we have a recurring guest, but a surprise guest. She was not on the books today and she is going to be talking about radical acceptance and its meaning to her and what it should mean to many of us. So for those of you who don't know, my name is Karina and I'm the host of this podcast as well as the Facebook group of the same name, Stroke, Surviving the odds. I suffered a stroke 28 years ago myself. Brain stem dissection.

0:39 It led me to coma in the locked in syndrome. As you can see, I'm living my very best life and you guys are a very big part of it. So that being said, you guys can listen audio on Spotify, Apple Podcast and iTunes. You can watch me on YouTube. If you've seen this, you're on YouTube, please hit that bell. That means you're subscribing and it's free. It's cute.

1:07 This is live. This is live. Sorry about that. OK. And if it's free, it's for me. You can also make sure that you share the podcast to everybody. The movement of stroke survivors is there to pray and we are helping each other. Excuse me, excuse you guys excuses Stacy. It's it's one of those days, guys.

1:40 That is part of radical acceptance. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's not ugly, but it's not good. It's annoying. I would like to Stasty, if you are ready, Stasty. I know what I want to talk about, but before we both talk about important things, I would like to know who you are. Tell our audience who you are, what you've been through in a nutshell, so we can get into the meat and potatoes of today's conversation. Hello, I am Stacy.

2:16 I am a stroke survivor. I'm a year and a half out of an ischemic stroke. It was a very, believe it or not, it was a very small stroke that caused a lot of issues and a lot of problems. So I've just been focusing on healing and recovering from that. I am also a electrocution survivor which is what caused my for me being forced to medically retire.

2:43 Honestly I'm all of that and a bag of chips. I don't. Know, you know, I think that we're having we're laughing not only because the dogs are barking behind me. I have one inside, 1 outside. But I think we're laughing because a couple of minutes ago I was I was expressing to Stacy how sad I am that my other dog is Yorkie and is resource guarding and is causing me a lot of anguish. And I was literally tearing up a few minutes ago and now I just. OK, Oreo.

3:44 Oreo, My love. Stop, stop Oreo. Shut. Up. Oh my God, Oreo goes with the bag of chips. Oh, yeah, All right. Please stop. Please stop my life. Please stop. All right, so you know what? We are laughing and before we get into the radical acceptance, this laughter is getting me going with the laughing yoga classes that you.

4:16 Teach SO. I'd love to start with that so that way we're not going to feel so silly about laughing and it feels good. It is so medicinal. In my opinion, laughter is the best medicine. Yeah. So I started teaching laughter yoga about a month ago and it literally fell into my lap. I was teaching breath work. And when I interviewed with this organization, you know, to, to teach, I was all prepared to say breath work. And she asked me and I was looking at the itinerary. I was looking at what the other teachers teach. And there was a lot of meditation. There was a lot of somatic work.

5:00 There was a lot of, you know, breath work. And she asked me the question, what are you willing to offer? And out of the blue I just said laughter yoga. And I'm like, what the hell did I just say? The hell did I just say? Laughter yoga is nothing new for me. I never thought it was something that people actually taught. So I looked into it and it's kind of just like laughter breath work, but basically it's using your own breath with intentional laughing.

5:29 And I'm like, OK, humor is what got me through humor, self deprecating humor, you know, dark humor. For me, it was a trauma response. And that is what has been the catalyst for my recovery. I laugh about everything in the most inappropriate ways. For me, it's very therapeutic. So when I started, you know, researching more about it and I started doing it myself, I noticed an instant shift in how I was feeling.

5:56 Even when I was having a really hard day, I would laugh for 10 minutes and I would notice it ain't so bad, it's going to pass. So I started doing it religiously every day and now I have a community I now teach every Tuesday morning. I'm trying not to do it every day I could because it's so much fun.

6:16 And we're just three. Questions though it's three times, Stan see that we see each other here and we became friends along the way. Just so you guys get the FYI of what's going on, why we're so comfortable with each other now. Every time Stacy talks, there's always so many questions. First of all, I would love for you to tell us what is the difference between having a nerve because you said you do it often, and for you it's a defense mechanism and a trauma response that is healing. So for many, it's called a nervous laughter. Yes, so.

6:58 How do you see the nervous laughter and breathing with intention? I love that laughing with intention. So it's, it's completely different. For example, when I was on my deathbed, the many times that I'd been on my deathbed, I was talking about dying. I was laughing. And I'm like, you know, if today is my last day on earth, I'm going to go out with a bang and a smile like, and my daughter was so angry at me. This was five years ago.

7:27 And she was like, can you ever be serious? And I'm like, it was, you know, one of the hardest days of my life, but I incorporated that humor and then I realized all along that humor is what got me through everything. Yes, I also, I'm the first person if someone falls on right in front of me, I'm going to laugh my ass off as a nervous laughter. But for me, laughter is a coping mechanism, self deprecating humor.

7:52 Every therapist has told me you can't do that. That's not good for me. It was very therapeutic. You know, who are they to tell me it's not something that works when I've been doing this all my life and it works for me, so I'm not going to stop. And then when I started intentionally doing the breath work, which I've been now teaching for, I've been teaching now breath work since February.

8:16 But doing the breath work and the laughter intentionally has has catapulted my healing into completely different levels. Like I'm now the things that used to bother me even 3 weeks ago, little things that would just trigger me or challenge me. I'm able to laugh things off now so much easier. And I still have days where things are very heavy because life is very heavy. I'm not trying to say everyone just laugh about everything. But when life is heavy, it gives me that release. It gives me that time where I can pause and say it's going to pass.

8:51 It's not that bad. And just doing that and putting that into my mind has helped with my healing. Leaps and bounds. Leaps and bounds. Wow, I love how you say that. And I mean I'm hooked on the laughing with intention. That in itself is saying a lot. And and yeah, for some, you're right. For some, it's going to be a nervous laughter.

9:18 But for you it was. But at the same time, it was therapeutic. And I love that you said, who are they to tell me what works and what what what doesn't? This is what I reach between brackets in the podcast is that you are your best advocate. You know what you need, you know you know the road and the things that needs to be done in order for you to heal. There is no right or wrong way.

9:51 There's no way. That's what I say. Exactly. So thank you for that clarification. Now when we talk about radical acceptance, I see a lot of growth in what you just talked about and the laughing and and being self deprecating, deprecating and I have a hard time saying that, but also accepting there was a like for you and your mind.

10:25 You were going to be leaving this earth at that time and you were laughing about it. That takes a lot of acceptance to say, OK, I'm probably going to be going. What is radical acceptance? So radical and how what? I'm sorry. How can sorry, how can we link the 2 so radical acceptance? Radical acceptance for me is accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly.

11:01 It's realizing the things I cannot change. I have to learn to accept. I have to. I had to learn how to live with my new normal. I had to learn how to live with certain symptoms, and I had to learn how to not let it dictate my entire day. It no longer dictated my personality. It no longer dictated my answers.

11:20 It no longer dictated conversations. I was stuck in my own pity party for a very long time. And you saw me. You saw me in the moments that I was still stuck in that just all I was doing was healing. I just have to heal. I just have to get better. And it wasn't until, you know, I did a very intensive therapy for four months last year. It's called DVT therapy.

11:42 And basically they introduced the concept of radical acceptance to me. And once I realized, wait a minute, I can have a really bad day, have a lot of pain, but still be OK. When I learned the theory behind that and how to implement that every day I was like, it gave me my power back. I radically accepted where I was at. I radically accepted there are things I can no longer do. And you know what?

12:08 I don't give a shit anymore because it gave me my power back. It gave me my power back. So honestly, it's accepting the things you it's, it's like the serenity prayer, you know, you accept the things you can't change. It's that's basically what it is. And it's very hard. I don't want anyone to think any of this is easy for me.

12:30 It took, it takes daily work, daily work every day, but I have to constantly remind myself in this moment, you're OK, you got this. You're going to be OK. And the radical acceptance was the catalyst for me really accepting my disabilities and being OK with it. How would you feel about doing the Serenity Prayer together right now? I would, I would love that.

12:58 I would love. That, yeah. So you do it in English, I'll do it in French, and we'll do it simultaneously, OK. I'll. Try to do it in English. God, Grant me the serenity to accept God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. And now I'm going back to the one that I don't know if you've seen the one that says the, you know the one. Hold on.

13:29 It's the Serenity Prayer that says please let me forgive. Me the odd post. Along the way. So it's like, please don't allow me to accept the things I cannot change. Hold on the. Curious to change the things that I can. The courage to change the things that. You want to Oh my God, let's do that. OK, I'll do it. I can only do it in French Monti. Then when I sit and it did except the courage to change the things that I can and the suggest the wise to be wise. I'm having a brain fart.

14:18 I am having a complete. Now you ask me to say the. Lord's Prayer thing, OK, you do the Lord's Prayer because these are things that we've learned to do a lot since our stroke. So you do it in English. I don't know within English. Oh my God I'm having a complete brain fart. We are not religious people, by the way, guys, OK?

14:44 But we are believers. We have faith and this is what we feel like. Again, there's no right or wrong, OK? You can be an atheist and watch this and still enjoy the content of it. The message behind the prayers. That's just us, OK? But for those of you it's going to make uncomfortable. And I think Stacy right now is a big brain fart, so I'm not going to push it. OK.

15:15 I am going to say though that I have taught since my beginning in stroke surviving the odds. I did join. The reason why I came up with the 3A's in my stroke recovery and as a stroke recovery coach is that at one point in my life I went not to a A but in Al Anon because everybody in my life or mostly were some sort of an addict.

15:45 And when I went, I was asked to be a speaker. And of course I love to be a speaker. I love to talk. I love to be in front of the crowds. What problem right now, a whole entire week went by me saying what am I going to talk to them about? Like I, I had like a brain fart because I had so many things. And then as I'm driving, I would do my best thinking as I was driving.

16:19 And it came up and I said, let me go home, sit down. I need to have things written down in front of me. Yeah. And then it will become. Clear, right? And I went home and I sat and I wrote down big parts of my story, and I ended up having seven lives thus far. And I was 44 at the time. And then I'm thinking, OK, what is the common denominator for all these things? And only three things came about. 1 was acknowledged. The first, A, is acknowledged.

17:03 Don't be in denial of what happens, OK? Second was acceptance or radical acceptance. But to be in the spirit of the A's. We're going to stay with acceptance. Acceptance does not mean you like it means it is what it is for the time being, but you have the power to change it. And the third A is my favorite is action.

17:32 What the fuck are you going to do about it, right? What are you going to do about it? We all have the choice to stay and bitch and complain or do something right. So radical accepting, radical acceptance for me. Tell me if it's like that for you. Is a, like you say, a catalyst to action? Yes, yeah.

17:59 To me, it's a do over. It's almost like you see things from a different perspective. But again, it takes a lot of work. Like none of this is easy, you know, I had to transition from working full time to doing nothing and being disabled. So it was a huge, it took 3 1/2 years. But for me, the radical acceptance, like you said, I'm not OK with all, you know, I'm not. I don't want to say I'm not OK with it. I had to be OK with it because it was destroying. Me you were not.

18:32 Yeah, I had to learn to be OK with it. But the more comfortable I was with radically accepting my conditions, the more empowering I would feel. And it just turned into this. I'm, I'm, I took my power back. I took my power back. And just by doing that, Nietzsche was the first one. A more fatigue, which is the good, the bad, the ugly, the lover of fate, a more fatigue, Friedrich Nietzsche. And this was like in the 1800s, he started the concept of radical acceptance.

19:04 But now DBT took over. And it's just basically, like you said about the wise mind. Where's the wise mind coming from? For me, I'm too emotional. I have no rational ability at all after my stroke. And in the middle is your wise mind accumulation of all of it. And if our behaviors are stemming from our wise mind, we're going to learn how to radically accept things.

19:27 We're going to take the good, we're going to take the bad, and we're going to learn how to live a new life incorporating, integrating all of these. New all of. These new things, it's amazing. I love it. I I'll never forget. Yeah, I love it. My well, my therapist. It's so much. I love it too. And I love the way you described it. The why is mine because you use a lot of obviously English that I know it in French, but now you're showing it to me in English.

19:56 So I like that. Actually, you did something very big, I will say, in the last month, month and a half. And I want to know how it changed your life. You cut off social media for a little while. Yeah, I don't know if I'll ever go back. I have to be honest with you. I've never been so happy. I and I that's nothing new for me.

20:21 I every now and then, you know, every now and then I just get tired of the bullshit. I just get tired of just, you know, my friend calls it fake book, which is true. And I just, I can't have any distractions right now with my healing. So I'm being intentionally selfish. I'm giving myself a year to just focus on Stacy, me, myself and I and being off social media, it was just a distraction. And don't get me wrong, you know, I still care about friends.

20:49 I still care. I want to know what's going on. But it's a very easy texting them. You're doing OK. I don't have to go on Facebook to see how they're doing. And for me, every time I take a social media break, it's almost like I reinvent myself, like someone new comes out because I just feel like I'm honoring, you know, that inner wisdom inside of me.

21:10 And I'm letting, since I don't have the distractions, the best parts of me are coming out. The joy, the laughter, the happiness. I love it. I love it. I wish everyone would do it. If you can't do it for a week, do it for one day. It's too much. Our nervous systems were not meant to handle this much stimulation.

21:32 And there's so much bad news. There's war, there's tragedies, so many people are dying. I can't, I can't live like that right now. Like healing, as you know, is a full time job. Our healing is a full time job. And I cannot have any other distractions. And I gave myself permission to be selfish and it was the best gift I could ever give myself and I would do it again and again. And I don't know if I'll ever go back on social media. I do not miss it at all.

22:01 Wow, I love it. Well, you know what? That's a good message for people. This is, again, this is you. This is you. That is my guest. You can tell me how you feel. That's what we want to know. The benefit of it is that you have time to be completely present with other people and. Also understanding my emotions and why around certain people do I feel like my energy gets zapped.

22:30 I never understood that because again, I was born a healer. I was in healthcare for 34 years. I was a nurse for 27. I like helping. It's just in my blood. But unfortunately, I had to get really, really selfish and see, is there a give and take? Is there reciprocity? Am I giving everything and getting nothing in return? And I'm now looking back saying, now I understand why my gut would tell me you need to walk away from this person, but I would be like, oh, no, she's fine. She, you know, she's just having a rough day. I I'm learning so much more about myself by sitting in the silence and another mantra that I've just been, I'm fascinating by fascinated by.

23:14 There's an Italian saying El Dolce far niente, which means the sweetness of doing nothing. I probably screwed it up how to pronounce it. I apologize Niente nothing, the sweetness of doing nothing. And every day I wake up, I'm like, I'm not doing anything today. I'm going to have the best time ever.

23:35 And whatever comes, comes. I accept what it is. I let go what doesn't serve me and it's changed my life. Like I just feel I'm more grounded. I can be more present with my friends, I can pay attention, I can love up on my husband more. And I'm giving myself permission to really marinate in this. Enjoy every moment, the good, the bad, the ugly. Radically accept it for what it is. Love it.

24:03 You're talking to me something, OK? Whether that. You talk so fast, Stacey. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. I was born that way. I was born that way. I don't know what to tell you. No serious though I did learn something from you is maybe a month ago you commented that you learned you're learning rather to have more grades for yourself. That was when you started the journey of cutting off social media, and I love the way you present it for yourself to have more grace.

24:43 That means that you are giving yourself permission. You're giving yourself time, yes, and you are allowing the space to make mistakes. Absolutely. We all make mistakes and I think that just that is big and I'm trying to honestly in in different areas of my life that are not pertaining to my dog because my dog I'm sensitive with. But everything else I have to say that I am allowing myself more grace as in around the house not having everything perfect.

25:24 It's OK to have a blanket and pillows around the couch all all messy and it doesn't have to be picture perfect. It's OK if I have 1/2 drank cup of coffee on my table next to me. You see, we live exactly like you said. We live in a society where now there's so much stimulation and so much perfectionism that it's actually imperfect. When you look at it, it's imperfect. Yep, Yep.

25:56 So when we consciously thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, it was for me when you said that it was a big eye opener on that, you know, and it leads me to think that you know, stroke survivors are, we are naturally perfectionist stroke survivors. And now if the individual is a naturally perfectionist, it just amplifies, right. And one thing that humbled me and that brought me back to my level of consciousness now and acceptance, like you say, is starting to volunteering and go back to bases where I am functioning with two with, with four members, not two members, four members my way, right.

26:54 I walk with a lamp. I don't run. I do things the Carina way. But going to volunteer in the rehabilitation gave me back the percept, the perspective of where I was and how it's OK if I'm telling the person, it's OK if you make a mess while you're reading. Why am I so hard on myself because I dropped a piece of tomato sauce on my skirt. Yeah.

27:24 You know, so. So there's a lot of things in life that allows us to have another perception, another. And all this is radical acceptance. That's right. Yeah, it, it, it was life changing for me. The 1st it's crazy because the first time I was talking to my therapist about it and I looked at her and I'm like, wait a minute.

27:51 Again, like I said before, I can have a bad day. And she's like, I'm like, what is this concept? And she's like, this is radical acceptance. I'm like, I love this. Oh my God, because it gave me permission. Oh, my God, I can be a hot mess. I have permission to be a hot mess, and I don't care anymore.

28:09 Like, it's it. Yeah. Radical acceptance was probably, you know, I've done EMDR, I've done CBT, I've done a bunch of modalities. But radical acceptance for me is just, you know, turned everything around for me. And it's, I don't know, like you said, yeah, I see it with a different perspective. And I'm a lot kinder. I'm a lot gentler to myself.

28:31 And I feel the radical acceptance part. And my girlfriend, I talked to you this morning, said it this way. She's like, you know, we always want to lead with love. I can't lead with fear. I can't lead with anger. I can't lead with frustration. For me, radical acceptance allows me to lead with love in every situation because I know I, I don't, I don't put that pressure on myself anymore. It is what it is.

28:57 And that's what it is. You know, I love having these conversations, even though it's an, you know, it's an interview to come on somebody else's podcast. But I'm no Barbara Walters. And when you come, when when my guests come here, I want to feel like we're having just a flow of a conversation. And along the lines of that conversation comes wisdom and comes empowerment and comes not advice. We don't give advice.

29:36 We are sharing what works for us. And I'm always telling the people, turn it into what works for you. Yeah. So Yep. So I'm very lucky to, to have met you and to, to meet so many amazing peoples. And I find that the time these are conversations that we have that are real amongst us. And when I have a guest talking about specific things, like I have a neurosurgeon coming up soon, I have a dietitian for stroke survivors.

30:18 I have a dietitian specialize in health issues such as cystic fibrosis, so these are things that I am more interviewing. But when it's US stroke survivors, we are just us. Yeah. I'm not any better than anybody else and you're not any better than me. We are not. We're on the same playing field. Yep. And I'm very lucky and very blessed to have all of you. Aw well, we're blessed to have you doing what you are doing and you're definitely an inspiration, my dear. So thank you.

30:59 So with that, do you have any final words or tell us where we can? I'm going to be posting that link if you want, of your laughing yoga. Is it open to the public? It is. Yep, I. Think it's worth people trying this? I said I'm going to do it. It's early in the morning. I've been very busy. But you know what? One of these days, man, I'm going to be the first one at the door.

31:30 I was so amazed when you give. Me make sure you give me the link so I can post the link. Is there any final words and Stacy that you would love to talk about or just you're so wise? I'm so I'm like a wise old owl, you know, I also want people to understand. And it's like, you know, I know we're joking and we're laughing a lot, but the laughter yoga has been scientifically proven to be exercised. Like your brain does not know the difference between laughter that's fake or intentional.

32:07 So 10 to 15 minutes every day, you will notice a huge difference in your mind, spirit, your body. I mean, it again, it, it's just, you know, the research backs it up. You can't deny the benefits with your immune system, your stress levels, your endorphins, everything that's helping. It's so beneficial.

32:29 And you know, people are, you know, everyone can laugh at anything. But The thing is, if we look at something, we're like, oh, that's funny, ha, ha, ha. But intentional for 10 to 15 minutes a day, the benefits will blow your mind. If you do it, it will blow your mind. And I know there are a lot of people. I did a class the other day and I could tell there were some people that were very uncomfortable. It's, it's kind of hard to like fake laughing. I, I fake it all the time.

32:54 So it's like it was easy for me. I'm like, oh, ha, ha, ha. But for people that are doing it for the first time, you have to give yourself permission to have fun. You have to give yourself permission to go back and be a child again. Go have fun and play. Be intentional. Go into this with an open mind and say for the next 20 minutes, I'm going to give my body a gift and I'm going to have fun with this.

33:17 And don't care about what you look like. Don't care about what anyone is looking at you on Zoom saying, Oh my God, you look so stupid. Yeah, you do. But you're having fun. Who cares? Love it, love it, love it. Let's all get there. Keep the diseases away. There we go. I'm sorry. A laughter a day keeps the diseases away. A laughter a day keeps the diseases away. Absolutely.

33:50 So when you laugh and you'll have an apple, you're done. Who needs more than that? I mean, I love you, Stacy. You are so good, guys. Remember that you are asked to subscribe when you're on YouTube, share when you are on Spotify, Apple iTunes, and otherwise share to the world that the stroke survivor community is supporting each other. And we have, we're adapting, man. We are adapting.

34:24 That is amazing. That being said, remember that I love you immensely. Bye.