S9E7: Dog you always feel guilty of having had the stroke?

My beautiful survivors welcome. This is Karina, the creator and the host of this top 2 podcast, Stroke Surviving the Odds. The show is all about showing you how to move forward past the events of the stroke and realize that there is a beautiful life to live after stroke. I share all my tricks, hacks and how to how I got to survive this world as a stroke survivor.

A little bit about me, 27 years ago, I suffered a brains of this action that led me to coma Interlochen syndrome. Luckily, I am here with you guys. Grab yourself a drink, pen and paper because the faintus of ink is better than the best memory And let's do this before starting the show today, I would like to clean house and tell you guys to like follow on all platforms that you are listening to your podcast. There is also a subscription base that Ioffer here only $4.99 and you get over 41 of my best episodes. Those are the episodes of topics that helped me move on over the last 27 years.

Really, really not to miss guys. Those are designed for you guys wants to maybe learn by yourself, do your own thing, March at the beat of your own drum. And you're saying, you know what, Karina, I'm going to do this but by myself. Make sure you leave me your e-mail and your coordinates. That way I'm going to reach you and get in contact and maybe offer you a one-on-one session on something that is important to you.

How does that sound? I love today's topic because it has to do with not only stroke survivors, but everybody. I think we all feel like this at one point and it's going to be why are we feeling guilty? Why do we feel guilt? What's up with that? The positive and negative aspects of it and how to maybe remedy, how not to feel guilty before you do. Don't laugh.

You might be hearing some little scratchy and all that. It's my little dog Einstein, and he's my sidekick here, so you might hear him and he tends to be vocal when I don't pay attention to him, Mr. Einstein. So bear with me and him. If you want to see some pictures of Einstein, you're going to go to my Instagram at SSCO under score the podcast, and you're going to see who my little guy is.

But he's going to get used to me talking like this in the air. He's going to say, who is my Mama talking to? I want to remind you guys to grab a pen and paper and a drink of your choice. Of course, the pen and paper is if you want to take some notes, and I know you're going to want to take notes along the way. I know that when I listen to podcasts that say things that get to me, things that are going to help me become a better person, I know that I personally take notes. So I'm assuming it might be the same thing for other people. Another thing that I would recommend is that you sit back, relax because you downloaded today's episode. Make sure you download the episode. That way you might want to

listen to it again and then take some notes. It's more relaxing for you. So what do you say that we get the show on the road. So why do we feel guilty? It's an emotional response. That's totally natural. We need to feel guilt if we want a remedy, a situation or maybe a relationship, a fallout that you've had with someone.

But really to feel guilty is when we think that we caused harm to another person. Very often that stems from when you were a child. A lot of the way we behave as adults stem from when we were children. And maybe you were playing in the park with a little friend and for some reason you pushed that friend, that friend fell and you felt awful. Or maybe the case is vice versa.

And then the mom would come and say you make up with your friend. I know that I would do that with my daughter and her little cousins. So today as adults, when we feel guilt, there's many reasons. The positive of feeling guilt is really that it develops your interpersonal functions as in like I mentioned before, repairing different situations or different events.

When I say the term relationship, I don't necessarily mean as in spouses. It can be the relationship with friends, with coworkers and whatnot, people that are around us that we have a regular interaction with. To me, that's a relationship and in order to when we feel guilty about events, very often it'll be like, Oh my God, why did I do that? Why did I put myself in that trouble? Why did I put myself in that situation? So the positive of that is that you're going to make better choices in your decision making later on. So there is a positive side in guilt. The positive is that you're going to make better choices next time.

But the negative, which is the most common, the one we see the the the most often, we see the word guilt and the the feeling of guilt being an extreme negative feeling because it has a negative connotation. Guilt causes a lot of anxiety. Guilt causes a lot of over apologizing. Before you even talk to a person, they are saying they're sorry. You open the car door and right away they're like, I'm sorry, I'm late.

It's it's again. Sometimes these are learned behaviours from when you were younger. And a negative and a big negative that's feeling guilty is self blame. You blame yourself for everything. You blame yourself for things that are not your fault. You feel responsible because maybe in your past you wanted to keep the peace around in the household or the peace amongst all your friends that had different views and you try to be the the best person and it can't be like that all the time. And then you blame yourself because you feel you didn't do enough.

It's not the case. It is not the case. A healthy a healthy response of guilt. Aha, well it can be a very good motivator. You're probably saying. Karina, what the heck are you talking about again? You say these things sometimes that don't make sense. I assure you, it does make sense. You know what?

Well, not only is it motivating to feel guilty for some people, but it also is good for their self improvement. Take a person that is working out, work out a lot. I'm talking about a lot. There's stroke survivors in my group, stroke survivors I have met some are stroke survivors that can't, they're not as mobile as they would like to be and, and maybe as they can be. But then there's the other stroke survivors that are very even impaired.

Even having an affected side doesn't stop them from really, really working out a lot. So this person that works out a lot just had a weekend of binging on desserts, ice cream sundaes, popsicles, cakes, cookies. They just came back from parties and that's all the junk that they over the weekend comes Sunday night.

They feel sluggish, they feel bloated, they hate how they're feeling. Well, maybe they're going to use that guilt of what they did and they say the hell with it, it's not worth feeling like this. I'm going back at the gym tomorrow. So for them, it's empowering. On the other hand, there's such a thing called toxic guilt.

And I think that toxic guilt is very common amongst stroke survivors, amongst us stroke survivors. And the difference with this one, it's very clear and you'll be able to pinpoint it. Someone that has a very negative mindset, somebody that thinks negative before saying, before saying example, it's raining today in Montreal.

OK and OK, people are like, oh, it's raining. I can't do my activities. Well, what I say to the lady in the elevator is, yeah, I know it kind of sucks, but my grass is happy about it. If you find something positive, but there's a lot of people that are not in a positive mindset, it's it's habitual for them to. I think it's in our default in our human nature default to always see a negative beforehand. There are other stroke survivors that have a victim mindset. I say happily, things happen for you, by you, not to you. Someone that thinks sees themselves as a victim, as a stroke victim, they'll have a harder time moving past this. A lot of things come into play as stroke survivors, Not only the negative mindset, but

perhaps depression, and I mean a big, big, big percentage, a big chunk of stroke survivors have some sort boy, some form, sorry, some form of depression, of mental health issues. For those people, it's easier to say they're a victim. There's a person in my life that is not a stroke survivor that sees herself as a victim. Everything happens to her.

Well, it turns out that it's not the case. And it turns out that people that are in a victim mindset end up taking a lot of your energy. And as we know, stroke survivors, we don't have energy to spare. We need that energy to give to ourselves to to better ourselves to do what we have to do. No matter where you are in your recupation. Hang on.

I'm looking for my words this morning. Yes, recupation. Is that, Is that a word? I don't know. Recovery. Let's call it recovery. OK. And having toxic guilt leads a lot to self blame. I talked about it before in general, but right now I want to talk about it as a stroke survivor. A lot of survivors blame themselves for having had the stroke. Did you know that?

I hope you it's not you. I should have taken better care of myself. But you know what that goes into a healthy because the fact that you didn't take care of yourself and you in your mind, that's why you had the stroke should be a motivator in itself, should be empowering in itself for you to take better care of yourself. Just like some people are in relationships and they blame themselves, some people blame themselves for not taking chances.

Oh, I didn't do this, I didn't. I didn't succeed in life. It's my fault, nobody else's fault that it's great to take accountability for ourselves. We need to take accountability for our own actions. But self blame is like a double sided blade. So you have there's a thin line with that thing. You have to be in your right mindset to deal with yourself blame.

Self blame can bring you to become accountable. Self blame can cause you to better take care of yourself and motivate you. But self blame can cause anxiety and more depression. So maybe talk to a specialist. Now is my favorite part of the show, you know, and big on action. You know that without action, there is no reaction. There is nothing that will be moving. We need to have a flow.

There's a law, I'm sure you've heard about the laws of attraction. There's also such a thing as a law of rhythm, of flow, of going back and forth, give and take. You give $20, you find $5 in your purse, you give some of your knowledge and experience to someone for whatever they need, and in return someone else gives you their knowledge and experience. There's a lot of rhythm like that, and feeling guilty and being negative about feeling guilty kind of disrupts that good flow.

And I only want you to have good flow and good energy around you. Now comes my favorite part of the show. It's taking action. It's how you can remedy feeling guilty or prevent more guilt. So maybe this is where you're going to want to take your pen and paper. Write these down. I did a little bit of research on this and this is not from me, Karina.

This is from a little bit of research that I found and it validated that what I'm doing because these answers are very close to what I'm saying. So it validates that what I'm doing when I'm sharing my knowledge, experience with you guys and giving you tips and pointers how to move forward, well, it validates that it's good.

So the number one thing that you can do to prevent feeling guilt is, is acknowledge and and accept. Acknowledge and accept doesn't mean you like it. It simply means that it is what it is. The number two thing is reframe your thoughts. I do a lot of videos about this and I talk about this a lot in my podcast Reframing Your Thoughts.

That means to watch also how you speak because what you think about, you talk about. So it's important to be vigilant on yourself and catch yourself in the act if needs be. So reframing your thoughts might just be in the way that you talk and then your mindset is going to become more positive #3 I'm a big advocate of seeking help. That is #3 things are beyond our control. The stroke, the event of having a stroke is beyond your control. Your control.

Unfortunately, you didn't wake up one day and said I have nothing to do, I'm going to have a stroke. That's not the case. What is in your control, however, is how you deal with it afterwards. How? Are you a victim or are you a striver #4 journal? Oh, I keep talking about journaling. If you can't write, if you're not comfortable writing with a pen, go right ahead.

Type on the computer. If you want your own journal to be on your computer, you can create your own Word document if you want it to be on your phone. Or if you cannot type in, but you can talk, you can leave yourself voicemails and do audible journaling. That's a very, very empowering thing. Why?

Because it keeps track of your progress, it can also keep track of your hiccups. Not your physical, not those hiccups. Your hiccups has in things you could have done better if you write them down in your journal. That's awesome. You know why? Because that's holding yourself accountable. If your life goes well, it's on you.

And if it goes bad, it's on you. That's a great mentality to have. So congratulations if that, if that's how you think #5 examine the cause and effect. What does that mean? Well, ask yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth the time of day? Is it worth spending your energy on that? Is it worth disrupting your dynamic at home because someone on the outside really, really. Stung you is it worth it And number six is boundaries. Boundaries is a very, very big part of recuperating as a stroke survivors, people that are not stroke survivors, they're doing their best the best to take care of you the best they can. Nobody went to school to find out how to be a a caregiver for a stroke survivor.

And every stroke is different. Your stroke is different than mine. They may carry the same name, ischemic stroke, hemorrhagic stroke, brain stem dissection. They might carry the same name. But I always say different strokes for different folks. So your boundary is very personal to you. What you can take from other people and what you cannot take from other people is up to you.

That being said, guys, this covers today's episode. It was a little bit longer because I wanted to make sure that you guys got all the information. What good is information without transformation? I'm going to leave in my description all of the ways that you can get in touch with me. And I hope you join my Facebook group because it is growing. It's getting a lot of traction.

I'm doing a lot of lives, but also I'll be doing a whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I will be doing a lot. And I I plan on doing a live event here. I'm in Montreal, in Montreal, QC, Canada. I'm willing to go around. So you know what I would love to know if you could make it to my live event. If you live close enough, that would be awesome.

Make sure you like, follow and subscribe on any and all of the podcast platforms and I love you immensely. I'll talk to you soon.

S9E7: Dog you always feel guilty of having had the stroke?

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