Cops vs Toddler Soccer Player? Tech Bro Fortune Cookies 10.28.26

0:05 Isn't that cool? The lake right there. Yeah, it is beautiful.

0:09 I can't hear you over that view. Actually, it's incredible.

0:15 You want to see another room? Yes. Yeah, of course. All right, hold on. Let me just, is it as nice as this one? Whoa. And was that, how do you like that?

0:25 Not as good, but pretty good.

0:26 Fuck. All right. Who does your cushions? Uh, Jared Kushner.

0:36 That's raw talent. That's raw talent. I just passed it right back to you, bro.

0:43 Jared Kushner. Who do you think does my Kushner?

0:46 But I think we know who was the main advisor on that project. And it was obviously J.D. Vance.

0:51 Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wet stains on it.

0:53 You can't make a good cushion without talking to him. He's got the most.

0:57 You can see the navel, the outline of his belly button from the sweat stain on the back of the cushion. I don't know how that got there.

1:03 Yeah, you thought it was those studs keeping the pillows together, but it's actually separate marks from his wet belly button.

1:10 Why are there cup holders in the side of the couch?

1:12 They're not cup holders.

1:15 Why are the cup holders so weird and thin and long.

1:18 They're for like shot glasses i think.

1:22 Why are they so shallow.

1:31 Hello the internet and welcome to season 462 episode 3 of the daily zeitgeist a production of iheart radio this is a podcast where you can dive into america's shut the fuck up bro i'm trying to do it like an adult for once You always mess it up, bro. Jack's gone, and I get to show him I can do it. You're not resilient. Did you say Brazilian? You're not resilient. Oh, resilient. You're not a Brazilian.

1:51 You're also not Brazilian.

1:54 You're not at all Brazilian.

1:55 It's always been a problem.

1:57 I know you think because you're Blasian, you could probably walk into Rio, and they're probably not asking many questions, but you're not Brazilian. I used to think that all the time. Anyway, let's take a deep dive into American shirt contest through the day's news.

2:08 Also.

2:09 If you're new around here, welcome. Please give us a subscribe. Please subscribe to the show. Give us a rating, will you? And also, on Mondays, we do non-news versions of the show called The Iconograph, where we deep dive into all kinds of zeitgeisty characters through the lens of a different icon. This has all been spooky season. So all the ones we've dropped in October have had, you know, Halloween themes to them. And we're getting right back in it for November with a great one. It's going to be a Japanese lady named Yoko.

2:40 Oh, no.

2:41 Sorry. I had to tease that. I had to tease that because it was a banger episode. Just so you know. I didn't know shit about Yoko Ono. And now I'm mad at John Lennon. Anyway, that's the iconographs.

2:52 I say mad at John Lennon, regardless of his talent.

2:56 Learned a lot.

2:56 Because I am a good person.

2:58 Learned a lot in that one. As someone who's not a Beatles listener at all. So anyway. Check that out. Those come out Mondays. Anyway, today, it's Wednesday, October 28th, 2026. It's National Chocolate Day, okay? It's National Immigrants Day. Shout out all the fucking immigrants who make this fucking place the fucking place it is. Also, Lung Health Day, National First Responders Day. Oh, that makes sense. They're showing a 9-11 rubble. Anyway, so all of that. And it's also International Animation Day. So anyone who likes anime, it's your day, too.

3:31 I really liked you glazing over the 9-11 rubble to really pause luxuriously in animation.

3:38 I saw that and I was like, oh, it's also animation day. I mean, obviously, lung health and first responders too, but animation. Without which, I would have no sense of whimsy. Anyway, I'm Miles Gray, a.k.a. Of all the yogurt picks, I want one for kids because it's yum double yum up in my gullet. Shout out Snarkula for that one. The Yoplait debate is raging on the Discord. I seize you in the Discord actually having a level-headed discussion about Yoplait yogurt.

4:10 Is it for kids? Is it for adults? It's not for kids, okay? That's go-gurt. Just based on just the fucking raw data of marketing, okay? That is for kids. I get that maybe you think it looks childish to eat a yolk plate. That's fine, bro. But I'm young at heart. And you can't stop me. Thank you. That has been my TED Talk. I'm thrilled to be joined today by my guest co-host.

4:32 What is this vibe today? I'm having trouble figuring out.

4:35 I got a lot going on, man.

4:36 It's a little combative from you. You know why? I've been fighting for.

4:39 My fucking life.

4:39 I think once you get a giant staircase like that, that just takes you straight to heaven, Blake.

4:44 Straight to heaven. You just get like. It looks like yogurt. It's a yogurt heaven.

4:48 Now you're too big for your britches. You're going to come over here. You're going to be all hard on your friends and guests because they can't live up to that.

4:56 I can't live up to my Zoom background with this weird, wacky staircase made of dried yogurt. The reason is because, Blake, I've been fighting for my fucking life out here. Okay? I know you have. I'm trying to tell people your place isn't for kids, man. It's not.

5:10 Okay?

5:11 Okay. And shout out everybody who's on the right side of history, including the two of you. Anyway.

5:16 I did sign that petition, but you have to stop sending it.

5:19 Okay, I will.

5:19 I can't keep signing it with different names.

5:22 I look and I don't see your name. I'm just making sure. Okay. That's why I'm doing it. Anyway, I'm thrilled to be joined by my guest co-host. Another fellow Philadelphian. You know, we had a lot of fun last week when I was going all in on Delco. But we've got the real homie here. Look, he's got fantastic stand-up specials.

5:43 Maybe you know Daddy Longlegs. Maybe you know him as a father of twin children who he had to fight the fucking insurance companies for. Maybe you know him from his viral Titanic bathroom post. I'm trying to think of all the things I've just seen you pop up on Reddit for. My body of work. And I go, damn, there's Blake's body of work. Damn, there's Blake's... Damn, I didn't know there was a Titanic bathroom at that bar.

6:02 This man is seconds from death. Damn, I didn't know he fought United Healthcare. Anyway, please welcome to the microphone my brother, Blake Wexler! Hey!

6:11 This is Blake Wexler, a.k.a. the United Health Scare, a.k.a. Blake Semper Tyrannosaurus Rexler.

6:18 It's great to be here. Thankfully. How about that took... Tyrannosaurus Rexler.

6:22 That made my morning when I thought of that.

6:24 That's fucking sick.

6:24 That made my October.

6:26 Good. And what were you doing? Were you holding your... newborn child and just thinking... One-armed push-ups. Yeah, yeah.

6:32 With three fingers, mostly.

6:35 Fuck. Yeah, two-finger push-ups. Well, Blake, I'm thrilled.

6:39 The other arm was holding a baby.

6:40 Yeah, right, exactly. My favorite baby.

6:43 And the other one was holding a baby.

6:46 A baby. The other one was carrying me. Blake, I'm thrilled for you to be here as I'm thrilled to welcome my co-host, who's the guest today, OK, so sometimes comes on and she'll guest co-host. Sometimes you come on as the guest. And I got Blake as a guest co-host. So many skills. We co-host the very famous, world famous podcast for 20 Day Fiance together. You know her from her writing work, her stand up work. And if you're around Portland, you should check her out because she's doing stand up all over the town. She's got a weekly show. OK, Yelp Wanted, I believe. Is that still going on?

7:24 It's not a weekly show, but that's nice. Let's put that into the universe.

7:28 Let's put that into the universe. That's what we like to do here. I would like to welcome my sister from a different Mr. Sophia Alexandra.

7:38 Hello, hello. I'm so happy to be here as always.

7:42 Thank you.

7:43 I do miss Jack, but Blake, what a gain.

7:46 What a gain for the team. This is good for me. I'm telling you, I'm buzzing because obviously, Sophia, we take it all the time. Blake and I, all we do is fucking lose our minds on here. I think we're going to talk about news. I don't know. And if you're one of those people who go, oh, man, the fucking show they do is fucking going tangents. Shit. I don't know what the fuck you think is about to happen.

8:06 You might as well just skip this shit. No, we will get to news. But first, Sophia, I got to say, we're going to get to know you a little bit better. But what are we going to talk about today? I just want to touch on Maybe we'll talk. I really want to talk about this one clip I saw in Florida where a three year old had the cops called on him because he was too good at youth soccer.

8:27 And you'll never guess what race he is. And then we'll also talk about Elvis fans suddenly concerned about song stealing because of AI. Oh, no, not song stealing. Oh, no, not Elvis, please. And then we'll talk about fortune cookies because now fortune cookies are fully compromised in the United States.

8:47 The tech world has completely consumed the fortune cookie industry for their tech bro pop propaganda. We will show you how to stay woke and identify tech propaganda fortune cookies. But before that, so fire. What's something from your search history that's revealing about who you are?

9:07 Okay. Okay. So, two things. One is neutral, and one is sad, but important.

9:14 Okay.

9:15 The neutral one is the unexpected red theory. Do you guys know about this?

9:21 No.

9:22 I heard about this, but I don't read.

9:23 It's basically this design theory that by putting one, like, splash of red as an accent in your, like, room that doesn't have it in it will automatically bring the room together more and, like, You know, make the look better.

9:40 Oh, weird.

9:41 And then I went deep into researching it because I was like, that can't be right. I've seen a whole bunch of shit where one like red thing would not make it better. I'm like, what? And then I started went really deep and then researched like the psychology and whatever of color. And apparently, did you know, it takes more energy out of you to look at red? than at any other color.

10:02 So I don't stop at stop signs. Yeah. Or traffic lights.

10:05 Yeah. But isn't that fucking weird as hell?

10:08 So many times on his bike because of that. I don't know. It takes more. So wait, what takes the least amount of energy? That's interesting. Do we know?

10:16 I don't know. I didn't care about that part. I just was all in on the red part. I just know like a lot of colors are soothing or whatever, you know, lightly energizing, but red, I guess, since it takes so much out of us.

10:27 I know it focuses our attention. That's why stop signs are like that and emergency vehicles are like that. But then I'm like, What else?

10:34 Yeah, but it's not about perception. Like, yes, red and yellow are the easiest, most eye-catching colors, which is why the McDonald's sign is red and yellow, but.

10:42 Yep, Shell Gasoline.

10:43 No, this is just a weird thing of, like, I guess it just takes so much fucking out of you to look at red that it kind of is wild that, like, that's why you feel unsettled and whatever, you know? Like, red is, if you're in a red room, you're like... But then I was like, this design theory is not completely accurate.

10:59 No.

10:59 So, yeah, that's neutral. I'm sure this is not the right crowd.

11:03 Would you ever incorporate that like into your home? Like, do you take those things into account or are you just like, I do what I feel with like my own decor?

11:11 I have really good taste.

11:13 You're not a sucker. I love it.

11:16 But I like to read about it. And sometimes I'll try and be like, well, that's wrong. Because it's also about color saturation and hue and whatever. And that's like what the people, their actual designers say. They're like, red is like, it's like saying you like music. There's like a fucking billion different kinds of red and some red will not go with your shirt. It's just like how it is.

11:35 I don't know. Yeah, that's unexpected red theory. I thought it was something about how like somebody becomes a communist out of nowhere when you said unexpected red theory. I thought it was like a very... I don't know.

11:45 You wake up and you're just Mao Zedong for no reason.

11:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:48 You're like.

11:49 I think we need communal ownership of this space.

11:51 How did this happen? You just wake up and all of a sudden you're bald and you're like, am I Lennon?

11:56 How?

11:57 Which one am I?

11:57 This happens so fast.

11:58 Am I Vladimir? My collars are different. Or am I Vladimir or am I John? Which Lennon am I? I don't know.

12:05 Why did I wake up in tiny oval Trotsky glasses? How did this happen?

12:09 Damn, I kind of look like Nikita Khrushchev today. Unexpected red theory strikes again.

12:13 Okay.

12:15 This was coined by a TikToker, though?

12:17 I think that's the start, but the start of it becoming a thing that people refer to.

12:23 The start of all wrong things.

12:24 But the idea has existed for a long time.

12:25 It started with a TikToker.

12:27 I guess like, I mean, if red's your shit, then yeah, you fuck with it. I'm not really feeling red like that.

12:31 It's just about accent, color, whatever. Anyway, it was an excuse for me to go deep in color theory.

12:36 Go deep into color theory.

12:36 Anyway, the upsetting thing.

12:38 Now upset us.

12:38 The upsetting thing that's important. I don't know if y'all read Megan Keister's sub stack on the Reggie Watts garage sale.

12:46 No, I saw that she'd written about the garage sale. Yeah.

12:50 You should read it. If you're listening to this and you've been paying attention at all to what's been going on with the Reggie Watts thing. Her sub stack is called exclusive content. And she basically went to a garage sale at Reggie Watts's home, which was not listed as such. And she doesn't refer to him as that. So allegedly, but I think it's not allegedly, but.

13:09 Yeah, I mean, based on the objects that she.

13:11 Found, all of the shit on sale was everything. And by that, including like medication that Catherine, the woman who's like suicide, he's largely responsible for her car. shampoo bottles from when she was in psychiatric care with her like name written on it her old pay stubs and her books half used bottles of lube a fuck machine like complete disrespect of not even making sure that her stuff was separated out it was for everybody to look at and buy among his furniture and all that stuff her family was not contacted about this right yeah yeah And this is a man, you know, that for his defense hired the person that defended every single... Yeah, sex predator, basically.

13:57 Predator you can think of.

13:58 That's just been... Rich. That whole story unraveling has been fucking mind-blowing. Because I think... It's ghoulish.

14:06 Oh, yeah.

14:07 It's fucking dark. That Rolling Stone article fucking floored me. I was like, this is so fucking diabolical. Like, truly diabolical. In his absolute lack of care for this person, the manipulation, the control.

14:21 And his utter lack of remorse or respect past her passing.

14:26 Yeah.

14:27 He's just, anyway, if you at all were a G. Watts fan and you didn't hear about this, I would strongly.

14:34 Suggest you do. Yeah, and then move on.

14:37 Yeah, check that out first, but then read Megan's piece. She also links to the Rolling Stone article in her sub stack. But I just think it's important to know about shit like this and to divert your energy.

14:47 No, for sure. For sure. Because it's so horrifying. There's too many people who are just allowed to fucking skate on whatever when they're fucking bad people who do not deserve to fucking flourish on a personal, professional level off the backs of people paying money to see them. Blake, you were going to say something and we were going to laugh at it, I think. You were gearing up to make a joke.

15:05 I don't know if you're going to laugh at it until I stop talking. But it does sound like it's so psychotic. It sounds like someone who has suffered, like, severe brain trauma, like a football player of 20.

15:18 Years, like a linebacker. Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

15:20 You know, like, that kind of psychotic behavior. But it's a guy who presses knobs for a living.

15:25 You know what I mean?

15:26 Like, it's such a horrifying look. See, I think that, to your point, Sophia, is, like, so indicative of how awful the situation is, is sometimes seeing objects, you know, like, not just reading words, but being able to actually picture things. The thing like, you know, it's this is a different example, obviously, but like the Holocaust Museum, when you see the shoes, you know, it's like, oh, sure. Those are that's a symbol of the awful.

15:53 Yeah.

15:53 But yeah.

15:54 Yeah.

15:54 This is a real person that exists in the world that's been now reduced to these objects. Yes.

15:59 Yes.

15:59 And thank you for putting that so much. And then like just thrown just thrown sloppily into a cardboard box being like, yeah, for grabs. I don't know.

16:08 Yeah. The way her family must have suffered when they found out about this, I can't imagine. And I sent them all the love.

16:15 Yeah. Dark.

16:16 All the prayers. And, yeah.

16:17 Sophia, what's something you think is underrated? So. Big pivot coming.

16:27 Up uh revenge no yeah just was a natural lead-in from the last thing uh one thing that's underrated is establishing a native habitat in your yard with native plants and i've been going all out in portland doing that shit because like the temperatures are getting hotter and like.

16:45 Bugs need a place somewhere to go.

16:46 If you have a little time, you want to fuck around in your yard or patio, just get a couple native plants. Get them going. Get some little... I found that I have mining bees. Have you ever even heard of mining bees?

16:57 No. They go to work?

16:59 They live on the ground and they're just like solitary ladies. And they look like they live in a nest, but they actually have a lot of tiny ones. And they don't buzz. They just quietly work in the earth and don't bother anybody. It's wild.

17:12 I just found out about them. Oh, that's actually beautiful. What is a native plant to aura?

17:18 They wear those tiny lights on their little heads.

17:20 It's so cute. Hard hats. Yeah, yeah. They come on in dirty coveralls every day, hacking up a little.

17:26 Bit of black.

17:26 They have awful coughs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the coughing these bees do. Every time I see one of my mighty bees, they cough into their handkerchief and then they pull it away. There's a little bit of blood on it. I'm worried about it.

17:39 It's basically a hive of butch lesbians that are dying slowly of a cold disease.

17:46 Wait, what are native plants to Oregon? We're from the desert down here in California, so I'm like, what's a kind of flower?

17:55 A lot of ferns. Any kind of fern. Checkermallow.

18:01 What'd you say that? Checkermallow. Checkermallow. Okay. Checker Mallow. Yaro.

18:10 Common Yaro. I always like it when plants are called common because I feel like they're being insulted.

18:16 Oh, these are beautiful. This Checker Mallow is beautiful. It's like flowers.

18:22 It's the common Checker Mallow.

18:26 It's a six. Cytosea Candida.

18:30 Look, Look, maybe in the Midwest, it's like a 10. But here in Portland, it's like a full 6. It's nothing.

18:38 Yeah, welcome to the city. Welcome to the big city.

18:41 Yellow monkey flower.

18:43 And? What's that?

18:44 Really pretty.

18:45 Is it pretty? Yellow monkey flower.

18:47 It's pretty.

18:47 Well, I'm glad to hear. I mean, honestly, like it is.

18:49 All kinds of lupines. Get in there, man.

18:51 I mean, it's definitely like a thing that's in L.A. more and more. People are like, oh, yeah, like, don't waste your fucking, like, water bottle. putting having a green square in your front yard when it should not be there grow some shit that barely needs fucking water and also it helps the fucking bugs and shit that are going to eat help fucking take control other pest populations or mosquitoes whatever yeah bro pick up the native.

19:15 Get a couple of gila monsters drop them off in the yard yeah you know like i think succulents are also great plants like they are aesthetically pleasing just put some yeah they're sculptures easy.

19:26 Native grasses and shit. Yeah, they're used to it. You know, they're used to the weather.

19:30 Talking about that every day. No, no, none of that. No, this is a family show. Sorry, Professor. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For the listeners, Miles is pretending to do drugs. No. Doob it up. Like some kind of a doobie brother. Oh, boy. Smoke ground. Smoke ground. What? don't know the phrases. He's a fucking cop. This guy's fucking puffing soil, huh?

19:56 You guys ever seen anybody suck that much greenery, huh?

20:01 What? Dang, he got that thing all down his throat, huh? What? Smoke.

20:10 Oh, yeah. He deeped it. He deeped it hard.

20:14 Damn, you're deep.

20:16 You're not a cop the way you're supposed to be.

20:19 Yeah. Are you okay? Is this in a manual?

20:22 Yeah. Y'all ever stuff a bush in a tube and just love it? Love it with your mouth?

20:29 You guys?

20:31 That's my favorite.

20:32 Am I right? Pass the bush tube. Pass the bush tube, my man.

20:36 Am I right?

20:37 Pass the bush tube. Sophia, what is something you think is overrated? Sorry.

20:48 She starts screaming at the top of your lungs.

20:51 Washing your car.

20:52 Ooh, that's a good one.

20:54 Do you wash your car? You're not a car washer, right?

20:57 No, I never.

20:58 Yeah, we're the same. We're not car washers. We let the rain do that.

21:01 I think I've washed my car maybe twice since I've had it.

21:05 When I was single, I used to watch my Honda. I would panic watch my Honda Prelude before a date because I was driving a Mad Max car. The shit was so dusty.

21:17 I'm so glad I'm a girl. No one's going to give a fuck about my car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:22 This was like immediate. Because I remember somebody like not thinking I was me when I picked them up because the car was so dirty. They're like, I don't know. No, I was like, it's me. And they're like, oh, shit.

21:34 You wipe the window so they can see your face from the inside the windshield.

21:40 I thought you had a long beard. You're like, no, man.

21:43 I barely grow facial hair.

21:45 Mud dripping off the window.

21:47 That's just a bunch of, this is a grime. What I got by car wash last, it was in North Jersey. And the guy in the place was eating a slice of pizza, like amongst the like brushes and the stuff flying everywhere. Just an open faced pizza. And it was beautiful. It was like, it couldn't wait.

22:06 Wait, what? That seems redundant. Open faced pizza. Yeah, that's right. Oh, what am I a wordsmith?

22:13 Am I some sort of wordsmith to you?

22:14 It's like saying... He's like, I said calzone sandwich.

22:17 Wordsmith?

22:18 Or are you a wordsmith?

22:21 An open-faced calzone. What else would you call him?

22:24 What would you say? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know. Wait, so he was in like the zone where the car goes through just eating that shit? Or like off to the side? Yes, yes.

22:33 Where I get you get hungry, but like I... A go-gurt actually would be a perfect thing. But he wasn't a child, so he couldn't do it.

22:41 Actually, he was. I go to a child labor base. Oh, what are you saying here, bro? You want me to eat a fucking kid's yogurt, bro?

22:47 Children's only car wash sounds so sus on so many levels, Blake.

22:54 I don't ask the age of the kids working there. I just want my car washed.

22:58 Yeah.

22:59 Just fucking wash the thing. I don't card the workers. Yeah. That's for the labor department.

23:04 I want you to start carding the workers at the car wash.

23:08 Come here. Put the brush down.

23:09 Come here. Hey, hey, before you touch this car, can I see some ID?

23:13 Stop faking that limp, dude. What are you, 16?

23:15 I've been fooled before. I don't want any preteens touching my car.

23:20 I'm 58. I'm not a preteen. Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, dickhead. What are you guys sucking bush tube back there? Bush tube? No.

23:30 You're full of greenery to your eyelids.

23:32 Yeah.

23:33 To go suck some leaves back there and then call me. All right. Let's take a break. When we come back, some news. And we're back. Florida is a goddamn mess, like every state in the country. But, God, I'm always hearing the worst shit about Florida. I just want to play this soundbite from a news story about a three-year-old boy that is so good at youth soccer at the three-year-old level that other parents called the cops on him?

24:16 I don't know what this is. I aside from just white fragility at the highest order because this child is black.

24:25 You said he's three and he's good at something. I'm against him.

24:30 He's a freak. Let me just play this one. This is just just hearing newscasters talk about this out loud is fucking terrifying and so stupid. But this is what happened recently in Florida.

24:41 A wild story out of Florida.

24:42 Some people complained a three-year-old was too good for his youth soccer league.

24:47 Nevada Pierre was apparently escorted off the field during a game after the league.

24:53 Ooh, cut it. Boom. He's so cute. Cut back. Ooh, hit him with a step over.

24:58 Over her son's abilities.

25:00 See?

25:00 So advanced that he plays with the five-year-olds. She says other parents are upset, claiming Pierre hogs the ball. The mom says none.

25:08 Of the kids.

25:09 pass at that age and they're all just running around and i'm telling you that's true with little league that's true with soccer it's usually like just a i think it's flock of kids.

25:19 Running yeah so this child You know, if he was white, he'd have a scholarship for the rest of his life to any soccer-related or non-soccer-related thing.

25:32 Arsenal, sign this kid up, bro. He's three, and he's smoking these fucking... They were playing highlights while they were talking over there. This kid is fucking really good. Like, it's pretty... It's insane how good this kid is. He's incredible. My child is three. He is not doing this shit. He's more of an artist, to be fair to him.

25:48 But this kid is so... Already has such coordination at his age. Like, This is like some shit I remember when we were like 10 years old and people would accuse a kid of being like 14 or something. These parents are merely saying, I don't know what exactly... There's.

26:04 Something different about this kid also, by the way, compared to the rest of this. I do want to bring up maybe tying into why the parents... His teammates seem to be mostly white. So again, they said he's ball hogging. That's a reason to call the police?

26:19 It's to be like, I'm sorry, this child is ball hogging, and it's a threat to our safety. This is kind of bullshit. It's so infuriating because it's affecting just a fucking three-year-old playing soccer, a thing he loves. Sorry your kids are fucking ass, okay? And they can't dribble worth a fuck like this kid. But holy shit, man, this is youth soccer at that level. Like they were saying, I used to coach youth soccer. We call that bumblebee soccer.

26:47 Where everybody just chases the fucking ball like a big fucking swarm of bees. No fucking, there's no such thing as defending. It's like a Ouija board, but with a ball in the middle of the fucking field. This kid is actually just being like, give me the ball. Fuck it, I'm going to score because this other kid is laying on his back looking at the sky.

27:05 But to grow up black in America and to, from three, become not aware of the fact that you're extremely gifted... But the fact that you're a problem is insane. To put that on a three-year-old, that's his first awareness before that, I'm sure, for him. It's just what a fun time I'm fucking having.

27:28 Yeah.

27:29 You know, how much perception do you have at three of things other than what you love to do and what you don't like to do? You're a little kid to make him aware past that of what the fuck all of these adults are on about. He doesn't deserve to have his childhood stripped that early from him.

27:44 That's actually what those parents did to him is far worse than what this kid is doing to the other three-year-olds by just merely being better. I don't, I don't have fucking nightmares. I remember playing youth sports and there were kids that were fucking so good.

28:00 I'd be like, holy shit, man. Nikki's so fucking good. And that's what you do when you're at that age. You don't go, I'm fucking nobody. And I don't know who I'm going to be after this.

28:11 This kid, unfortunately, his interaction is police showed up when you were playing a game. That's so and be like, you can't play.

28:17 Also, really character building to not be good at something and to still do it. That's the whole point of team sports. If you don't understand that, your kids shouldn't be on that field. When I did ballet as a kid, which I did from like the tiniest stage, like three, five, whatever, I was never in the even top 75% ever. I was always so bad. And I kept going because I really liked doing ballet. And it was good to realize as a child, hey, you're not going to be good at everything.

28:51 Yeah, but you do it because you like it.

28:52 I'm good at writing, and I'm going to go to school, and I'm going to be good at that. Then I'm going to go to ballet class, which I like just as much as writing, but I happen not to be good at that. And I serve a different role there than I do at school. It's completely good and natural for children to learn, oh, wow, how cool, that boy is good at the thing I'm not good at. What am I good at? It's not a negative. What the fuck are we doing to these kids? Especially the little black kid.

29:19 The level that sports are put on a pedestal or like in this country or in, you know, probably globally as well. And this is coming from someone who all my clothes have a Philadelphia sports logo on it. Like it's all I have is sports. But the level that it's put, like it's untouchable. And you see it here where it's this is a game.

29:38 This is not a sport. This is a game.

29:40 Children are playing. Like this is the same as if they were playing Legos. This is the same if they were playing like this doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't matter at all. And then you see it like they use it as a way to attack trans people as well. But it's like, but what about our sports? Like, hey, listen, you can do whatever the fuck you're doing over there, but not in our sports. You know, it doesn't it truly does not fucking matter if if it's if it's causing people to feel less than or in a child's situation.

30:06 Like you were saying it perfectly. It's like that's going to fuck that child's understanding of how the world works. Where in reality, this the way the world works is that this kid is fucking sick at something. Hey, maybe you can just be good at something. This is also the greatest child I've ever seen in my life. And hey, you only have to play the kid once a fucking season.

30:25 You know, what are you playing the kid every single game? It's like that is a schedule loss on your schedule. You're going to lose to that kid. And then you play a bunch of other shitty white kids.

30:35 For the rest of the year. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous. It's like, so the body cam footage was just released too. Oh, good. There's fucking body cam footage.

30:46 Investigator rape, you fucking losers.

30:48 Because they're being like, it's not because he was too good. It's because his parents were causing a scene. These black people were causing a scene. It doesn't bode well regardless, because at the end of the day, the way he was playing was upsetting other parents. And they're like, because also this happens in youth soccer. Like if you're beating the shit out of a team, you're usually like, all right, bro, like we don't need to score. We don't need to put fucking 15 on them. So I've like, I remember when I used to coach like you 11 or you 10 kids soccer, we would, cause that was a good coach. Okay.

31:16 We were beating the shit out of teams. I would have to bring my striker and be like, sorry, nicole you're playing goalie because i can't have you anywhere near the ball because you're about to fucking just run up the score and that's just sort of like the decorum around it but clearly once it got to a point where the game was fully lost i think it just became stressed and they're saying like they're they're like he's pushing other players and it's like that's still not a reason to call the police that's let the referees have been given three year old what are you on yeah it's uh the kid's mother said she's On the body cam video, she's saying they're literally kicking him out of this place because he's good at soccer. And they're saying, like, no,

31:52 it's because he was pushing somebody. At the end of the day, I have a feeling that this happens a lot in America. When a person of color makes a white person feel insignificant or threatened on some level, the response in this country is to call the police somehow as the mediator because that's just an inbuilt response of, like, state violence to handle this feeling of violence. insufficiency that I suddenly have in the presence of this person who is not white. What am I supposed to do? The mom also said, she posted that her son, quote, could not understand why he was being taken away from the game.

32:24 And what should have been a happy childhood moment became heartbreaking, distressing for him and deeply painful. Just like, I have no idea what the, this is like the stupidest shit.

32:33 But anyway, you can't explain that to him. Nor should you have to. Fuck that for life.

32:39 It also shows how like a lot of white people just don't know how to speak to people of color as well, where it's like, if it was a really good white kid, wouldn't you like, I think these parents just, I don't know them fucking personally, but you would just be like, Hey, what's going on? Like fucking take your kid.

32:54 Like it's the opposite where they don't want to be confrontational. And this is the best version of it. They don't want to be confrontational. Therefore, they're hiring the least qualified people demographic in the world to deal with this.

33:06 A cop.

33:08 Someone with a gun to talk about a three-year-old. Yes.

33:11 Three-year-old playing fucking soccer. Get fucked. Well, speaking of... Why would you even walk up there?

33:19 Also, is there no coach?

33:21 Bring the people away from the kids.

33:23 Wouldn't the fucking first thing would be the coach? Yeah.

33:26 I think, yeah, I think once the cops get there, the kid is also the coach. I have to say that, too. The kid is a player and a coach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

33:33 He's that good.

33:37 And he's the ref. So they really had to call the cops.

33:41 He's the Bill Russell of youth soccer. Yeah, he's the guy. This kid is unbelievable. Well, speaking of taking things from black people, Elvis Presley. Let's talk about him. So, you know, a lot of people know, if you don't know, a lot of Elvis's career was built on stealing from black artists and getting songwriting credits for songs he never fucking wrote. And, you know, it's interesting because the rights holders of Elvis Presley's catalog, like the people who, like, for a financial stake, bought the rights to the Elvis songs, now they're suddenly pissed off about any kind of musical thievery going down.

34:17 And this is because Anthropic, has allegedly been using Elvis' songs to, quote, train their models without permission, according to a new $ 41 million lawsuit filed by Authentic Brands Group, who own the likeness and the catalog of Elvis Presley. The Claude model has, quote, created infringing output of copyrighted material of virtually every song from every catalog available on the internet. The lawsuit claims that they asked Claude to create specific songs for a, quote, Modern audience. And after doing so, Claude even admitted that, quote, these renders keep landing very close to the originals. Same structure, same hooks reused with light rewording and full sets of verses, choruses and bridges. So this is just a very funny moment.

35:01 I feel like AI has become like this really interesting double edged sword where on one hand they're like, we're going to fucking make all this fucking money. And then on the other hand, it's also made it easier for people to like vibe code full applications and things like that. Well, like, I don't know if you saw this, like the whole Adobe suite, someone just like vibe coded for free. So it's like, why are you paying for Photoshop, dude? I just, I just built this with AI just off the, just off the straight, just not even with any real professional help, straight vibes. And also producer Catherine was sharing a story too with me about how like hackers are getting close to like cracking PlayStation games and just sort of this

35:37 whole argument about like, ownership and digital ownership and physical ownership that a lot of these tools are now sort of becoming weapons against like greedy capitalists who are just like what the fuck oh you gotta pay me a monthly fee for photoshop and now someone's fucking offering that shit for free and now you're fucking gonna what about my elvis money although i don't think i think they'll be okay because nobody's listening to ai elvis bullshit but i.

36:00 Would love to add an adorable brick to this yes which is that my mom who is 75 and, you know, a Ukrainian immigrant started working in computers when them shits were giant and like green letters and just had, you know, the snake name on them. Like she's an OG. She's now retired. And in addition to the stuff she's doing, she started using AI with her programming knowledge and her skills in software testing. To build a thing that would allow her to compare health care plans.

36:36 Oh, my God.

36:37 And it's going to be something that, like, she can share with other people. Like, my mom's a fucking G. She spends hours on this every day.

36:46 Here's my email. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:48 How do I.

36:49 How do I get in the beta for that?

36:50 As soon as it's done, I will absolutely let you know. We talked on the phone about it the other day.

36:56 That's so impressive. And that's just born out of her being like, she's like, okay, well, I know how to use, like, I'm literate in this kind of thing. So how do I make something that's a little.

37:04 Bit out of line? I mean, she uses words I don't know anything about. She's just like, black box testing.

37:08 And regression and whatever.

37:10 I'm like, I don't know anything, but it sounds like you do, and that's amazing.

37:13 Hey, mom, that's really sweet. That's cool.

37:16 The capitalism is starting to eat itself. I mean, I'm right now like, let them fight.

37:23 Right, right, right, right.

37:24 Who is going to be the loser here? The authentic products corp against fucking ruin your life AI.

37:31 Please kill each other. You both lose. I don't know. What's the fucking point? Are you going to give any of that money to the people who actually wrote the songs that Elvis stole or no? Oh, no.

37:42 Hopefully while they're fighting each other for this bullshit and exchanging their like, fucking illicitly earned and illegally earned funds. Hopefully people like my mom and all these other people will be using the technology to just take the money out from under them. And then, I don't know.

37:59 That's the hope. I mean, look, at the end of the day, it's a people, people with good intentions can also use these tools for something that is worthwhile. But yeah, that's actually very heartwarming to hear that your mom was like, I, Was that just born out of her being like, I need, I need to help. I need help comparing healthcare plans and fuck it. Let me just create a software to help do that. That's awesome.

38:24 Imagine being that smart. Just solve a problem for yourself.

38:28 I can't.

38:28 Yeah, I mean, she's a retired person. After I survived breast cancer, she's like volunteering at Cedars, but she doesn't like it because they only let her do office stuff and she finds like filing and she finds it boring. Then she tried to go and hold babies at the NICU. They're all full up on baby holders. She's like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to do with my time?

38:46 What the fuck? You already got baby holders?

38:48 Do you need to find good?

38:49 You got these baby holders?

38:50 Look at their hands. They're calloused. Wait, you can volunteer to. You could volunteer to hold a baby? Yeah. That's tight. Yeah.

39:00 We hired our own when our kids were in the NICU. I didn't want to hold them because they were.

39:04 Yeah, yeah.

39:04 Gross.

39:04 It freaked me out a little. They were a little gross.

39:06 So we would have someone hold them with hands that I paid to have made. So they seemed like my hands. The kids thought they.

39:13 Were my hands. They were essentially my hands. Gross, dude. But it was the holder. They should call that shit the ick. They privatized baby holding. They call that shit the ick you, bro.

39:24 Ick you?

39:28 No thanks. First time I saw.

39:31 My newborn, I just have to be honest, like, wow, he gave me the ick.

39:39 Yuck. Yeah, I mean, babies, newborn babies are, they look different. I mean, Amy Miller and I, we would always send each other photos of our friends who posted newborns because we're always like, damn, dude. Newborns, they're batting like 9 for 10 for not looking. They look brand new. And they look like they just literally emerged from the body.

40:00 They're just raw dough at that point.

40:02 They're raw dough.

40:03 They're all misshapen and shit for a minute. Their heads are not right.

40:07 Oh, the head is wild, bro. When you got that fucking alien.

40:10 Their eyes are always fucked up.

40:12 That got acne.

40:13 You're like, how you already got acne? You just been here for three seconds.

40:18 Oh, my God. Wash your face.

40:19 They have that huge tooth that they come out with.

40:21 Yeah.

40:22 Yeah. Like, wash your face, baby. You've been here for three seconds.

40:26 Oh, my God. Get it together.

40:27 There's your skincare routine.

40:28 What are you using? We're guests in this place. All right. Act like it.

40:31 Are they no Biore strips in the room?

40:33 Oh, my gosh.

40:35 You look nasty.

40:37 Yeah. You have blackheads like on your back and you're breaking out. I don't know. Like get it together. Like this is like really get dressed.

40:46 Jesus.

40:49 Oh my God. What's weird.

40:51 It doesn't even have rompers. They could have overnighted. Okay.

40:56 This is just quick fashion show. Quick fashion show. This wasn't a surprise.

41:01 You knew you were going to be here. Yeah.

41:04 I'm sorry. Like I'm wearing clothes. And what about you? What's your excuse? Oh, That's weird. Hello.

41:11 Hello.

41:12 Hello.

41:12 I'm talking to you. Hello. You're not even looking so disrespectful.

41:16 Jesus. Why can't you focus on me when I speak to you?

41:21 I'm sorry. This baby's a fucking dickhead and I'm not, I'm not having this anymore. Get him out. Yeah. This is all.

41:25 Grabbing my finger. Are you serious? I don't know you like that.

41:29 You're fucking. Oh my God. Get it. Get it.

41:32 Get it.

41:32 Get it.

41:32 Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Hey, sleep time's done.

41:37 Yeah.

41:38 People get so mad when you snap at them now.

41:40 Yeah.

41:41 Now, everyone hates being snapped at.

41:44 Bro, I remember being a kid at a restaurant and I snapped at a waiter and my dad fucking horse collared me out of there. And he was like, perfect. Don't you ever snap at somebody who's working. Don't ever do that shit. And I was like, what? And he was like, do you know how disrespectful that is? You use your voice to speak to a person. You don't even snap at animals. You snap at people who are out of it. I remember. I remember so vividly that lesson because I thought I was doing something. Being like, excuse me. And my dad was like.

42:12 Garçon. He's like, that means boy in French. Never say that in a person.

42:18 Excuse me.

42:18 Un fil.

42:20 Right. Isn't that a girl? Je suis la jeune fille. I remember that from Muzzy. That was in the Muzzy commercials in the late 80s. Yeah. I just remember that. I was never snap. Okay, Blake. Don't ever. I had to become my dad on you suddenly. Don't ever snap. Yeah.

42:36 I hate being snapped. And I hate being tapped.

42:39 Never tapping.

42:40 I don't know.

42:41 What we did in my family. So I don't know.

42:42 Tapping's.

42:43 Really bad.

42:44 No, when I was this turned out to be the first panic attack I think I ever had was when my grandmother snapped at a waiter in a restaurant. I got even at like eight years old or nine years old. I didn't I couldn't articulate why that was bad, but I knew like instinctually in my soul how horrible that was.

43:01 And I like didn't know what to do. I'm having an eight year old heart attack because my grandmother is a sensitive, sweet little being like, no, was she from Philly? No, she was... Where was she from?

43:17 No, Florida.

43:18 No, she's from Brooklyn.

43:19 Brooklyn, then Florida.

43:21 I was going to guess, actually, because that is a certain contingent of Jewish grandparents will snap. Not mine. Will snap at a restaurant. So it's picturing either old New York Jews or in Florida. No.

43:39 It was an old... Her mom.

43:41 Was a Russian Jew.

43:44 There we go.

43:45 Yeah. Yeah. So you nailed it. I think I know.

43:49 I think I can picture this.

43:51 Florida by way of Brooklyn snapping at servers. Let me just pull up my roll. What could this be?

43:57 Who could it possibly be? That gif of the blonde woman with the equations. I'm like.

44:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a straight line to the conclusion. It's one plus one equals two. Snapping. No, I ask because also, too, Jack always talks about his Philly grandma and how, like, in fear of her she was. And I was like, man, built different. Built different. My grandmother was just the queen, my black grandmother, queen of passive aggressive, under her breath, mumbling about shit like that. So sweet.

44:33 Like, what kind of shit?

44:33 Oh, thank you so much. She doesn't know what she's doing. Oh, my God. Yes. Just like she would be smiling. She'd be like, this must be her first day. Just doing that all the time. I'm like, Grandma, what the fuck is wrong with you?

44:47 That's my mom, but without lowering her voice.

44:49 Yeah.

44:51 This must be your first day. Oh, Jesus Christ. You don't know what you're doing, do you? Fuck.

44:57 My mom's like, I don't like that coat on her. What do you think? That long white coat? I'm like, she's standing in front of us. My mom's like, we're speaking in Russian. I'm like, she was also speaking in Russian.

45:08 We're at a Russian restaurant.

45:11 Yeah. I'm like, why would you?

45:14 Hey, a bit of Slavic subtlety for you right there. You know what I mean? Just a little bit.

45:19 I'm like, she was FaceTiming in Russian, obviously in line because that is my people. How do you miss that? Yeah, she's rude.

45:28 She's rude.

45:29 I just had this memory come back of my Philly Delco grandmother where I was like so young and I hit her with a, I don't love you anymore.

45:36 And she goes, I don't love you either.

45:37 Just a quick, I don't love you either.

45:41 Shut me out of here.

45:44 Oh, wow. I don't love you either.

45:46 Wow, Blake, you don't love me. Guess what? I don't love you either.

45:49 Oh, wow.

45:49 I'm so sorry. This piece of shit kid doesn't love me. I'm really going to keep you up at night. This kid brings nothing to the table.

45:57 Say that again. Wow, Blake. Why don't you say that again?

46:00 Hey, you hear this?

46:01 You hear this? What do you say again? No one gives a shit, dickhead. Yeah.

46:07 She's like, oh, pass me the tissues, Blakey. She like fake cries. She's like, nah, because I'm.

46:12 Not a little bitch. I don't love you either. Dabs her eyes. She goes, look at that.

46:17 Throws the entire carton at your face.

46:18 Dry as shit.

46:21 No tears. We call that baby shampoo. Because there's no tears, you fucking weakling. All right. Let's take another break. That hurts all over again. We're taking a break. Let's take a break when we come back. The Fortune Cookie Takeover from Silicon Valley. And we are back. Fortune Cookies. The rare dessert that claims to possess extrasensory powers.

46:59 They're always just giving advice now. They've not been fortunes in a very long time. It's always like, make a friend. Help the environment. I'm like, I get a lot of that from real life.

47:10 I don't really give a shit.

47:12 Well, shit went viral this week from friend of the show, Jared Holt, who monitors right-wing extremism and the like. Also has a great podcast. Check out Jared Holt's work. He posted on blue sky that his fortune cookie contained a fucking Polly market ad. His caption said, Oh, for fuck's sake. And it's a fortune cookie. And inside it says, yes, we paid for a fortune cookie at Polly market. You might want to have it. You might want to scan this QR code. This is just, we're surrounded by gambling ads. Uh, like last week, someone else was publicly complaining about getting a fortune cookie that was advertising a nasal mist. Just, It's like they open it up and it says clean fun.

47:56 The option you may have missed. M.I.S.T. Clever. Clever. Scan the QR code for your for your fucking nasal mist, which is actually the new fashionable way people are stealthily doing cocaine. So if you're ever at a bar and you see people just fucking hitting fucking Afrin, they might be blowing up. Just so you know. I don't even know why I'm telling people. Interesting.

48:15 Is that right? Yeah.

48:16 People are doing fucking cocaine solution nasal spray. Because it's low-key. I guess I'm back in time.

48:23 People just are doing regular cocaine where I'm at.

48:26 Yeah, I think people are just trying to... They're just doing stealth cocaine. So it has to be... You have to give a terrible nasal drip and also throw drip from all the nasal cocaine. Anyway, just the thing... I've seen become more prevalent in the big cities.

48:39 So now you have to become a chemist? I don't want to.

48:42 Go to the bathroom. I don't want to go all the way to the bathroom. I want to do it here.

48:45 Give me the fucking Afrin, dude.

48:47 I got to get right.

48:48 Put it in an Afrin bottle. I feel like now I have homework if I have to do Coke. I don't even like Coke, but I'm just saying.

48:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

48:54 It's a lot of work.

48:55 Don't do it. Don't do it. But anyway, so the company that's behind these ads, they're called Open Fortune. And they have placed a fuck ton of ads in fortune cookies for like Hulu to fucking Mr. Beast dumb reality show to dude wipes. Do you know about dude wipes, Sophia?

49:14 Of course.

49:15 Yeah, because men can't wipe their ass unless it's like a specialty made product. It can't certainly just be any ass wipe out there. Is it for dudes?

49:23 I mean, look, I grew up with the ballpoint pens that they made specifically for ladies because we couldn't have ones that weren't pink and accustomed to our precious lady hands. So as much as we need lady pants... Your.

49:38 Uterus would fall out if you used it. You for sure need dude wipes.

49:42 Absolutely.

49:43 Do you remember when fucking Adam Carolla released Mangria? Because Sangria was not masculine enough.

49:51 And it sold.

49:52 Anyway, it's that same fucking approach to life where it's like, oh, I can wipe my ass with feminine tissue.

49:59 Wait, Mangria was a fucking... Oh my God.

50:04 Guys, is it gay to have a clean ass? I think so.

50:07 Cock wine. I need wine. That's what I need.

50:11 I'm sick of this feminine Zinfandel shit.

50:16 I need cock wine. I need cock wine. God damn it. Oh, yes. Welcome to Musso and Frank's. Can I maybe start you guys off with a drink, a glass of wine or something?

50:27 Our house cock wine? Yeah.

50:29 Yeah.

50:30 Let me get a house cock.

50:32 Let me get two glasses of house cock red.

50:36 Do you have a 2049 house cock? It has to be in the future.

50:40 2049?

50:40 I ain't drinking old cock.

50:44 Actually, don't drink anything over 13 years old, if you know what I mean. Yes, yes. Bringing that young cock wine, you know what I'm saying?

50:53 Oh, my God. Fucking man. Fucking cock wine. So, anyway.

51:02 Can someone please make a label for cock wine and then feed it? Thank you.

51:09 Yeah, you got to drink coffee. I'm not out here drinking rosé, fool. I'm drinking dick wine.

51:14 No, no, no.

51:14 Come on, man. The ad for the dude wipe said billions of wipes sold, but B-U-T-T. It all started with one. No one gives a shit. I think it was on Shark Tank with a bunch of fragile men who, for the first time, touched their buttholes and then felt something they never had. It was like, I need to know.

51:33 There's got to be a fucking specially made product for this dude. the fuck was that? What the fuck was that, man? I felt something I never felt before. I can't fucking deal with it. I can't clean an asshole.

51:43 Yeah.

51:44 You'll ruin your plumbing. Oh, man. Usually, I was waiting and I would use one of those paint scrapers like I'm trying to fucking clean the hull of a boat. But now I got dude wipes, bro.

51:54 I just thought that's the cost of doing business is you got skid marks everywhere.

51:59 Is that not what it is to be a man?

52:02 Yeah.

52:03 Every time I would walk around naked, it sounded like I had a pocket full of shells. It was just stuff crinkling and crackling back there.

52:11 God made men to lose shit. You know, it's when you just walk and you let this shit just loosely fall out of you.

52:17 Exactly.

52:18 Okay, that's it. No gay stuff.

52:20 Horse style, I call it. I just let it fall out. Yeah, bro. I'm a frigging shit stallion. All right? What the fuck? Anyway, the co-founder of this company explained that fortune cookies... Shit.

52:36 Stallion is the spirits that are on tap at the place that serves cock wine.

52:41 Cock wine? Yeah, yeah. What do you got? Well, all right. You know about cock wine? You got shit stallion on tap? No, we got, we only got, we got honey. We're leaving. Yeah. We got a Dick drip and Santorum light.

52:56 All right.

52:57 I take a Santorum light.

52:58 Yeah.

52:59 You guys know how to pour it, right? I have every bar I go to, they don't know how to pour a proper Santorum light. You guys know how to pour it, right? Okay, good. I like, I like having those jizz back shots on there. Hurry up. My dog's in the car.

53:14 And he's watching my baby.

53:16 He's watching my babies. Yeah, we're late for our shift. We go to youth soccer games and point out young kids who are minorities but too good and call the cops on them. That's kind of a niche job. But, you know, it's a gig through Turning Point that I got. So anyway, the co-founder of this club or this company, their whole logic is sort of like, This is actually a sick, unique marketing opportunity because, quote, your guardrails are down and you're actually forcing yourself to be open to suggestions while reading the content on the fortune cookie slip. No, you're not, you idiot. His light bulb moment came when, this is how he fucking even conceived this business. Got a fortune cookie. I'll just read this from otoday.com. According

53:59 to Matt Williams, the light bulb moment of every advertiser's dreams is mostly that, a dream. But about six years ago, his current business partner, Sean, was sitting at a Chinese restaurant when he felt it, an undeniable stroke of inspiration. Quote, he picked up his fortune cookie, turned the fortune around and was like, whoa, whoa, this is totally blank. He looks around the restaurant and sees people all opening and reacting to these things. It occurred to him there. There might be an advertising opportunity here.

54:29 Whoa.

54:31 So here he is cornering the fortune cookie market. I just want to tell you, this is what's fucking freaky, though, right? This isn't just like some just a couple of assholes courting tech money to make this kind of these kind of ads. Earlier this year, it was reported Open Fortune has quietly secured, quote, production and distribution control of over nearly 90% of the U.S. fortune cookie supply.

54:55 No.

54:57 Yes.

54:57 Can I tell you what, though? It's going to backfire real quick because it's not like we're cracking the cookies open because everyone needs the cookie.

55:04 I don't even eat.

55:05 It's like you're opening them. exactly you're opening it for the fortune but now that you know it's going to be something telling you to wipe your ass with like no homo wipes you're not going to open them you're just going to throw them straight out so good luck you fucking played.

55:20 Yourself i mean it is i think this is a problem though you're right because their whole thing is like they're at one point like when the whole ftx scandal came out they were still there was like thousands of ftx fortune cookies that were out there and people like what the fuck this like disgraced company and they're like ah shit all right well they're not timely uh they're not evergreen unfortunately every fucking fortune cookie is but now they put like these dumb fucking tech things on there there's one it says it's a doge eat doge world was one another said there's more to life than just money there's bitcoin another said what does the future hodl which is a degenerate investor phrase for holding, hold on

56:04 for dear life. Um, so yeah, that's, that's what they're giving people. I think what's also interesting too, is if people don't know fortune cookies also kind of have a sorted, uh, historically fucked up past, right? So they, the, from what most people begin to think was that when Japanese immigrants came here, um, they brought the fortune cookie because this was a thing that was like in Kyoto, they would have like that. There was called sujiura senbei, which is like basically fortune cookie. And once Japanese workers, immigrants came here, they started in their bakeries making sort of similar items.

56:36 But once old FDR decided to go hit them with, you know, order executive order 9066 to intern Japanese Americans, then basically that operation was taken over. and became more synonymous with Chinese restaurants and that other thing. So one of the, quote, most oft-repeated origin stories of the American fortune cookie cites the Japanese tea garden in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park as the first known U.S. restaurant to serve it. So this story's got it all. Tech oligarchs just trying to seed fucked-up messages, American xenophobia, and ass wipes.

57:11 It had everything.

57:13 So.

57:14 Just please, please think of, please think of the fortunes when you open them or whatever they're going to hold. I personally couldn't get into them because they don't come true because they're pieces of fucking paper. But I guess you still hold out for the whimsy.

57:29 I just liked when it'd be like, you're going to go on an exciting trip or like, you know, you're going to meet a new friend. That kind of shit.

57:36 Yeah.

57:37 I want to open that. That's fun.

57:38 I think I got burned by a fortune cookie when I was like 10. And I was off of it forever after that. Because what was the fortune? It was because I thought like I was like, oh, it's a fortune. Because, you know, like when you're a kid, like the adults are like, what's your fortune? Oh, wow. And then they're like, what?

57:56 And I was like, what are the numbers? Like, those are your lucky numbers. And I remember at like a like a school thing, like there was some kind of uh like a raffle yeah and i like i picked like a like the number based on like the fucking fortune cookie and i didn't win and i was like this is bullshit immediately like i had that was the moment that was your fucking chance i'd say the same story with christianity you had your fucking chance dude i fucking prayed for a super nintendo or fucking nintendo you fucking came up with nothing fool so what the fuck i don't know what this.

58:29 Is machines.

58:30 Claw machines, you can... Come on. There's a way to finesse that. There's a way to finesse that.

58:35 Well, you can, but I can't. I've tried repeatedly, and I've been burned too many times, and now I won't even look at it.

58:40 I can't even get the Yeezys out of this claw machine.

58:44 I can't do anything. I don't even care about the stuffed animals. I just want to win. You know what?

58:49 I'm cool.

58:50 I don't even care. Whatever.

58:51 No, there's like hustlers in Japan who like get kicked out of arcades because they're able to claw everything out of machines. I know. I've watched the video, Miles.

58:59 I've watched the videos and I've coveted it. And I can't do it. I'm sorry.

59:03 I can't fucking do it.

59:04 I'm out here pushing the corners and shit. Fucking nothing.

59:07 Wow.

59:08 You know what?

59:08 Let's not worry about it. about it.

59:10 Someone win me the fucking thing.

59:11 If you're Zay Gang, if you're K1 and you know maybe some tips for poor Sophia to maybe get the whatever labubu out of there, please, please, please hit her. Break her off with some knowledge.

59:22 Yeah, I'll give it away. I just want to win.

59:24 Yeah, I get it. Just to be fair. I've won, I won once and that was two weeks ago at Chuck E. Cheese when I was there with my kid. Yeah. You won? Yeah, it was, and it was like a tiny, it was like, but it was made for kids to win. We're like, there were so many, like there were like little handles that it was like nearly impossible to not fucking get one.

59:44 But I did. Where the fuck was that when I was a kid?

59:47 Look, we grew up hard. It was a hard life for us. Just hold it. Just hold, just grip.

59:52 It's a grippish, you know, it's not like a game of skill.

59:54 Like, oh, fuck.

59:55 Like, you know, like you're playing a game, like at a carnival and the ball is too big to fit.

59:59 All right. I understand.

1:00:01 Just grip it. Just fucking, it's like, just fucking do it.

1:00:04 You know, it's so annoying. Yeah. What are you doing with those thin little metal fingers of yours? Thanks, Blake. Come on.

1:00:11 It's so frustrating.

1:00:12 Yeah.

1:00:12 Get some forearm. Get a forearm.

1:00:14 I feel like it's always drunk, the little arm. It's always swinging around unpredictably. It's like, the things aren't really coming together in a grabby way. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah.

1:00:25 Fuck you.

1:00:25 I remember when claw machines had firm handshakes.

1:00:29 And they wanted to work.

1:00:30 These Gen Z claw machines with weak handshakes.

1:00:33 They don't even want to work no more. Fucking unbelievable. They don't want to work.

1:00:37 No one wants to grab anything.

1:00:38 And I don't know if you know anything. They're wiping their ass with their regular wipes. What's wrong with these fucking claw machines? Disgusting. Blake, Sophia, thank you so much for joining me on the Daily Zeitgeist. Thank you. We'll start with Sophia. Sophia, where do the people find you and follow you? And what's the working media that you've been enjoying?

1:00:57 You can find me at the Sophia, S-O-F-I-Y-A on Instagram and obviously 420 Day Fiance with Miles. And if you're in Portland, I'm headlining Queer as Fuck at the Covert Cafe on November 14th.

1:01:13 Okay, pull up. Pull up. I want to hear from Sophia. The Zeitgang was there because every person who comes on this show is always like, Fucking listeners are always pulling up to my... I love it. Hey, we love you. You're the best. And they love you. What's the work of media that.

1:01:26 You're... Also, your girl's got an OnlyFans now, and I'm dropping the comedy stuff there. And, you know, I also talk about you, about your divorce with you if you want. I'll teach you how not to scare the hoes. You know, so just come through.

1:01:40 These are great things. Any pictures, like elbows, back of head?

1:01:46 I mean... There'll be photos.

1:01:50 Back of head. You part your hair and show them.

1:01:53 Exclusively back of head.

1:01:55 You show them a part of head.

1:01:57 Some tight elbow close-ups.

1:01:59 Some weenus close-ups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pounding a bottle of Mangria. Look. This stuff writes itself.

1:02:06 Wiping my mouth with dude wipes.

1:02:08 Five o'clock somewhere. That's what you mutter yourself as you walk in. That's a lot of shit. Yeah, but you say that as you've got a handle of Mangria and a pack of dude wipes and you're walking to the bathroom and you're like, it's five o'clock somewhere.

1:02:21 Yep.

1:02:21 Like, what the fuck?

1:02:22 I'm like, time to make content.

1:02:24 I shout to my cats. What is he doing? Dude, he fucking boofed the whole bottle of Mangria, dude.

1:02:30 Oh, my God.

1:02:30 How else? How else do you want me to do it? The mouth at the bottom. Did you say a working meeting you're liking or are you just saying your OnlyFans? Check out your OnlyFans.

1:02:38 I'm about to tell you.

1:02:39 Oh, yes.

1:02:41 As always, I come through with subreddits I love. And I've been really getting into obscure cat subreddits. And these are my three latest. This one's called powdered donut lips and it's photos of black kitties who look like they have powdered donut mouths because you know the fur is all like kind of like missing not missing but see-through you know so it just looks like the little powder donut lips also there's ek ek ek and that's kitties going while watching birds it's very adorable and then the third one is is called Teefies. And it's kitties where you can see their little teeth sticking out. So, Teefies.

1:03:23 Aw, shout out Teefies. Love a bit of Teef. Blake, what about you? Where do they find you, follow you, and what's the working media you're enjoying?

1:03:32 How about at Blake Wexler on social media and then some tour dates. November 21st, I'm going to be in Cape Charles, Virginia. The 27th Claude's Comedy Club in Philly. uh, January 15th, Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine. By the way, those tickets are on sale. I, uh, complained about that publicly, which I shouldn't have done last episode, but, the link is now up. So you can now buy tickets to that show, the squeaky wheel. And then, uh, January 16th, I'm going to be at the hideout in Boston. And, um, March 7th, I'll be in, uh, Lancaster, Pennsylvania at, um, Telus 360. So those are, those are my dates. And then a little bit of a work of media that I've been enjoying. So, um, Joe Mandy posted this a

1:04:15 few weeks ago where he recorded his algorithm. So as he would swipe, it's the videos that are proposed to him or presented to him. And it is the most disturbing series of videos.

1:04:30 It's like.

1:04:31 He always posts.

1:04:34 It's crazy. I always see the compilations that he posts of whatever's getting served. And yeah, like, let's just play a little bit. There's a guy with his butt on electrodes. There's a Charlie Kirk. There's a guy hanging from his underwear from the rafters. Someone holding a fake boot. Oh, yeah, that was the one. A guy's having a dental procedure and he's holding like a weird boot. A stress toy.

1:05:03 Weird stuff, Joe. Weird stuff. Everybody's algorithms. Mine's just all Delco shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. South Philly stuff. It knows me. It knows me. You can find me everywhere at Miles of Gray. Obviously talking about 90 Day Fiancé with Sophia Alexandra on 420 Day Fiancé. You goddamn right we are. Tune in this week. We will be live streaming. It's been a minute and we've got work to do on the new season. I'm also talking about footy soccer on Ain't It Footy with Jamel Johnson and Chris Martin. A work of media. Not yet. Uh, this is just, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Just wait one fucking second guy. Uh, this is from, uh, at, uh, passion pop with a zero princess. Uh, her caption is

1:05:53 girls support girls. Hope core. Keep the flame alive. Friendship goals. When will they induct me into their sisterhood? She speaks a little bit of an accent. So if you don't understand, I'll explain what she says later, but try and keep up. She's going to explain a really nice moment that she thought she saw among a group of young girls.

1:06:09 I just walked past this group of young girls in an alleyway and they were all like.

1:06:12 It looked like they were all consoling this girl.

1:06:15 She turned away from me. She looked like she was trying to hide her tears because she was crying.

1:06:18 When I walked past, they were all just shielding her from the wind as she smoked a bong. I thought you. They were all consoling her. Oh man, that was a whole ass team.

1:06:31 Full of bushes.

1:06:31 I know.

1:06:32 Yeah, that's what it was.

1:06:34 A lot of bushes.

1:06:36 They just said she's shielding you from the wind so she can hit a bomb. It's so funny.

1:06:40 That's so funny. So you shield the homies, okay?

1:06:45 You love to see the youths living right, you know?

1:06:49 And also, like, old school techniques. Like, yeah, sometimes you had to create a body curtain to light up a joint or a blunt or a cigarette or whatever. Yeah. Hitting a bong outdoors in public, I was never quite on that. The craziest thing I did in high school was there was this four-foot bong that we shared among a group of ten people called King Arthur. And the wildest shit I did was hit that in a family conversion van.

1:07:12 Classic bong name. Love it.

1:07:13 Oh, yeah, it's King Arthur, dude. It was always like some stupid, you know, like, Excalibur, dude. Fucking the sword is stoned. the fucking ring of power, dude.

1:07:23 We had a giant gravity bong that we named after that character from Fight Club. Remember Bitch Tits?

1:07:30 Yeah, yeah. Robert Paulson? Was that him, huh? His name was Robert Paulson.

1:07:36 We didn't call it Robert Paulson because it was college and you would just say that you thought that was really clever.

1:07:42 We called it Meatloaf, a.k.a. Meatloaf. You can find the Daily Zeitgeist in most places, but let me tell you specifically where. You can find us at Daily Zeitgeist on Blue Sky. Where else are you going to find us? The Daily Zeitgeist on Instagram. You can go to the description of the episode, wherever you're listening to right now.

1:08:00 There at the bottom, that's where you're going to find the Footnarts. Ain't it footy? No, fuck. Dude, fuck. Footnotes? Oh, shit.

1:08:08 Sorry.

1:08:08 Thanks, bro. Thank you. Go birds, dickhead. And that's where you're going to link off. That's where we link off to all the information we talked about, as well as a song I think you might enjoy. I'm going to continue going on my electronic music kick. I've got my turntable set up. I'm just trying to listen to more electronic music, and it gives me some energy at the time that I need energy. This track is called Moving On.

1:08:30 by the producer Oak. O-A-K-K. Got a great energy. If you like the song we wrote out on yesterday, you'll probably like this too. And if you didn't like that one yesterday, you might not like this one. But I promise, we'll do something tomorrow that is different. So check that song out. It's called Moving On by Oak. And look, the Daily Zeitgeist is a production of iHeartRadio. So for more podcasts from iHeartRadio, check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to stuff for free. That's going to do it for us today. We're back tomorrow to tell you what's trending because we love you and we're addicted to the microphone. Goodbye. Bye-bye.

1:09:04 The Daily Zeitgeist is executive produced by Catherine Long.

1:09:07 Co-produced by Victor Wright. Co-written by J.M. McNabb. Edited and engineered by Justin Conner.