Dig DeepXYZ: Judge Not, Lest You Be Tamra Judge

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Think of us as your favorite neighbors as we chat about life and relationships, all.

While we revisit the iconic show Desperate Housewives together.

I'm Terry Hatcher, I'm Andrea Bowen, and I' me Merson Taney. I was going to say I just got to meet my first real housewife ever, but I that's not true because I do know Lisa Renna and she's been to my house for my Christmas party, so she and I've met Kyle Richards also, So is that all the housewives that I met just Lisa and Kyle. I'm not sure that I've met any other ones.

But that makes sense because they live.

Hills, right. But anyway, so we just met Tamra Judge, and I was so sad that I didn't have the nerve to ask her about her middle name. So her full name is Tamra Sue Judge, which I was going to refer to her as because my name is Terry Lynn Hatcher, and whenever I got in trouble, it was always Terry Lynn Hatcher. Come into this room right now, Terry Lynn, Terry Lynn Hatcher. And I wondered if she ever got Tamra Suit Judge come into this room.

Where I bet she did. But I will say that's on me because before we started our interview, I was like, maybe don't maybe don't call her Tamra Suit because I don't think we really never hear her referred to. And as a big Bravo fan over here, I am very well acquainted with Tamar Judge and so I was like, I think, let's just call her Tamra Judge.

Right, So I chickened out and I didn't call her Sue, But I'm sorry that I didn't do that, But I was really grateful for the interview. And I've got to say the thing that stuck out to me so strongly was how much she sort of led with and also I guess kind of owned the label of this sort of toxic villain, and I don't know that hit me very hard, like I sort of feel like I have dealt with my own version over the years of for one thing or another that somebody has said feeling like the label of like I was is not nice or not great or difficult. And I know how hard that has been for me to not absorb that narrative. But my experience because I have never met Tamra. My experience with her in this room for an hour and a

half was that she could not have been nicer, she could not have been more game, she could not have been I thought very vulnerable about what she feels like, are her weaknesses and stuff that she's working on, And you know, nobody's perfect, and so it did make me think, like about myself. I try to assume that somebody is who they present themselves to be to me and not listen to the noise right.

In the context of who you meet on the day.

Yeah, Yeah, that's how I feel about movies. I like to make my own assessment of a movie after I see it, and not just go off of what someone tells me about it.

Well, do you not read the reviews before you go to movies?

No, because I don't want to go in with like a tainted idea of what my own experience might be. Because I think these things are really subjective, and I do think, I mean, I'm excited to dive into this more because I do think the idea of how we get labeled villains. I feel like I am sure everybody at some point in their life. I definitely at some point in my life to someone have been a villain. And I think of myself as a really nice person who likes to try to make everybody happy, and it's really uncomfortable for me to sit with the term villain. And I think I it was actually kind of admired, And I'm curious Andrew to hear your tape because I know.

You're feels it has the most you've actually.

Watched the show.

But I really admired how Tamra just owned Yeah, these people have called me the villain. They say that I'm a villain, and I think I want to embrace this more in my life, that I am not going to be in control of the narrative that every single person has about me, and that that is okay to relinquish that control and to go the people who know me know me, and the people who want to say something about me will have something to say about me regardless, because there's no way you can go through life making every person happy.

Oh if it's so hard, though, it is because I want hard, of course. Yeah, And I find that, you know, most of us walk around really sort of being people pleasers and sitting in the uncomfortability of knowing that maybe someone thinks not such nice things about you, and feeling like, well, that's they're entitled to their thoughts and I don't have to think that about me, and I'm not going to care that they think that about me, or I don't know that I can change that. It's so hard.

It is really hard. I mean, at the end of the day, for me, the final tool that I've had to live with is just like, I know who I am when I look in the mirror, I know what my intentions are, I know what my core is. I know what I've done for people many many, many many many people, and and I can and I can live with that.

My sister, My sister said something to me once that I think is pretty great, and I often remind myself of it, which is that when we're irritated by a trait in another person, oftentimes it's because it's something that we actually are irritated within ourselves, and so to not immediately jump to criticizing someone else or judging them or finding them annoying or labeling them something. She'll often say to herself, Wow, that annoying thing they do. I find that really annoying about me.

Oh, my god, your sister's so evolved.

I know, I know, I know, and I think that all the time, Like, oh, if I'm super irritated by something someone's doing, I am. I try to then put that on myself as a way of because it probably is. It usually is true. It's fascinating when you start experimenting with that.

But back to back to, back to the Tamera thing. Why you watched the show so because it was not presented to us here in this room.

She did say she related to Edie, and I feel like Edie, at least in Desperate Housewives, has labeled the villain, sure, but she wants the girls to like her.

She comes with a lot of amazing powerful traits as well, right like Edie maybe and in certain seasons maybe has more of like the bad girl by the way, exactly, but she's a realtor. Yeah, right overlap, I would say, Tamra burst onto The Real Housewives of OC in season two of that cycle. Okay, so it'd been out and you know she is a spitfire. We saw some of it today, right, Like, she's very funny, and she's quick on her feet, and she has a sharp tongue admittedly, and she really does do the thing that they want a real housewife to do, which is show at all.

You know, she her one of her big, huge moments on the show, and she's known for it is this thing where she screams.

That's my opinion, and you know who has wanted to do that, And.

It's this it's iconic, this thing that she's like really associated with it, right, And there's t shirts and there's hats and there's things, and it's it's the Tamara judgement in one. Yeah, and and so I wonder how she'd feel about my impression of her right now. But I do think that she's had a lot of scandal on the show, or maybe scandal's the wrong word, but she has been very open on the show. So she's shown good side, she's shown the ugly sides. She goes low, you know, which is part of the name of.

The going that's an example of going low that you recall from watching it.

I would say, well, I mean early on in this series, there was a whole dinner party episodisode where and it came up again on this most recent season because there's an older cast, a cast member who had been on a few cycles before named Gretchen who came back and now she's on this season as well. There's a lot of history between the two of them and it's not great, okay, So of course it was like ripe for the storyline of this recent season.

The producers were thrilled.

Yeah, and in this in this scene, I guess we can call it right, they have dinner and over the course of the evening, Gretchen gets progressively intoxicated and it's known as as like the naked Wasted episode because Tamra says, let's get her. I think it's not a direct quote, but she says something about getting Gretchen naked wasted, and it hasn't aged well and it also is just there's been a lot of conversation about you know, if you're if you're trying to get someone drunk so that they embarrass themselves, you know, what does that mean? What kind of behavior is that it? And and so it's come up again on this recent season because now Gretchen's and she talks about it, and there's a lot of speculation

about how she felt about it, and you know, it was her opportunity to talk about that experience. And they've tried demend fences. I don't really think that is in their cards, but but it's interesting, right, So you hear something like that and you go, well, on its face, that sounds really like a bad thing that a bad person would do.

Right.

Oh, it's so funny because I hear you say that.

And maybe that's just because I'm thinking behind the scenes of like a scripted content, which, let's be so real. The Real Housewives is essentially a scripted show. Yeah, I mean, I know tammor is saying, okay, I can't memorize lines, and it's not that type of scripted show, but it is so heavily curated.

I once remember hearing Lisa Rinna talk on a podcast. I think it was The Skinny Confidential and she was telling them like she used the expression I did my job. I knew the assignment right and I did my job.

So I hear a moment like tammer is saying, let's get her naked wasted, and I think, Okay, who's the producer off camera going Okay, what's the most drunk you've ever been? Like, did you ever do something stupid? Like what's she gonna say? Naked wasted? Is such a like catchy, buzzy term. To me, it feels obviously like words that maybe aren't even necessarily in the mouth of the person saying them.

But that's probably because I'm very cynical of the business.

I think it's I think regardless of all of regardless of that, right, Like, there's a different level of vulnerability to a reality show than a scripted show, right because you even if it's curated or even if there are some things that are done because they know it's going to make good TV, you have to own it because it's you doing it.

You're not I would do a reality show if it were a reality show, like you know what I mean produced, right, that's the thing. And I think you know, you have this with like press articles. You know, you do a photo shoot and you do an interview, and then the magazine will curate the interview and you're like, that's not exactly what I said, and that's not exactly you know, Like totally, I would do a reality show if it were really going to see who I am, because sure, I'm not perfect, and I think there's things that you know, maybe I would go, oh, I could have done that better or whatever. But if you couldn't cut out of it, if you couldn't clip it to death and edit it to death to make me look like something you wanted

to make me look like. And that is what they do with those reality shows.

Yeah, and I will just say, for me, this is like a total dream, Like I can't believe that I just got to sit in the same room with camera.

And that's what we do in here. Amazing And I'm true.

I think she was so gracious And very few people get to actually put the face to the identity of that they've watched on screen, and so I thought it was really cool that she was so self effacing about being labeled to villain and all the different things. And I now get to have the experience of what my personal interaction with Tamar was and it was lovely.

Yeah, and may we all maybe we all go out into the world and get to have personal interactions with the people that we judge and maybe like have new appreciation for her they.

Act and I think try to try to try to lead with the grace of like, well, yeah, I might have heard that thing, but like, my interaction is my interaction, and I'm gonna trust that that's my experience with this.

Person, watch the movie before you read the review.

Yes, there you go, and come back next week. We're more desperately devoted because we are always desperately devoted to you.

Dig DeepXYZ: Judge Not, Lest You Be Tamra Judge

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