The Mysterious Case of ‘Whose Condom is That’ (S1 Ep15 "Impossible")

Welcome to desperately devoted.

Think of us as your favorite neighbors as we chat about life and relationships, all.

While we revisit the iconic show Desperate Housewives together.

I'm Terry Hatcher, I'm Andrea Bowen.

And I'm Emerson Tenny. Okay, Well, hi everyone.

Hi, I'm so glad that we're here to talk about episode fifteen, Impossible. This aired February twentieth, two thousand and five.

And was directed by Larry Shaw.

And there are some big themes in this episode.

Well, I'm looking at you because I was wondering you. You always seem to tell us if this is related to a Sondheim song, and I just kept thinking of impossible, possible, So.

You No, that is not a Stephen Sondheim song at all. That is from the amazing Cinderella with Brandy played Cinderella.

And arguably the best Cinderella.

Yeah, what version of the Cinderella is? Tell me?

This is it on ABC Live? That?

No, it was.

It was a movie and it came out with Brandy and Whitney Houston. Yeah, And I'm trying to think of is it Rogers and Hammerstein, Like Who's which?

Who does which is the music for that, I think it is. I think it's like.

It's been a different take on it, but yeah.

It's Rogers and Hammerstine's impossible, But it is not impossible the one that you're singing, because.

I have the same thoughts love that songs. Yeah, okay, anyways, yes, so it's not impossible that we are going to talk about it. So fifteen because we are here and we are ready to go there as at episode. So there's some amazing themes in this episode that I can't wait to get into. One of them being like, does sex change things in your relationship? What role does sex play in having a relationship? I think that's a big one.

Do people lie? Do people tell themselves lies? Do people go to bed at night with lies in their head hoping that when they wake up in the morning they won't be there?

We have Celebrating your partner's successes can be difficult to do or is that how you have a supportive partnership? What is the line of feeling competitive but also wanting your partner to be the biggest, brightest version of themselves?

And do you consider yourself lucky? And what role does luck play? Because I always say what do I always say about luck Emerson, Luck is just preparedness, oh meets opportunity, opportunity the landing.

I was thinking.

I was thinking of fortune favors the prepared mind, which is a version of saying that. But that's the expression I always think of when I hear that. Right, Yeah, luck is preparedness meets opportunity. There's no real such thing maybe as luck. And then you know big wet, hot, wild high school parties.

Yeah, I have thoughts on that, on that pool party storyline, so you know, yeah, get there.

A lot, I mean a lot happens.

There's Mike is having some rumors swirl around him. He gets taken down to police station and to be questioned for Martha Hoover's murder.

Because coming into this episode he shot himself in the stomach. And THENI has piqued Susan's sort of like curiosity.

And then Lynette's kids find the jewelry that Paul had planted in his garage. We have Justin John's friend kind of blackmailing Gabby into hiring her as her new hiring him as her new gardener.

We get lots of euphemisms about Bush in those scenes.

Yeah, and then she says that he wants her to sleep with him, and he's going to tell Carlos that she was having an affair with John if she doesn't, although we find out he's only trying to sleep with someone as hot as Gabby because he is struggling to decide if he really identifies as being gay or not.

And there's an even bigger reveal about who is gay. It's Breeze own Son.

We always says, I'm not gay, being caught naked in the pool with.

Justin spoken like a poor closeted person. I have so much I want to say about this.

Where should we start? I mean, I was feeling like, right at the beginning of the episode, you have Brie again, who is one of my favorite characters in.

All her tad wife glory. I feel like in this opening no secret.

In this opening sequence, bree is revealed to be, you know, leaning farther into her conservative label, right down to the close up photograph of Reagan Ronald Reagan hiding on the wall, which I thought was, you know, pretty timely because Canada has just released an ad with Reagan talking about tariffs that made Trump not want to talk to Canada. Anymore.

So Reagan's still still relevant.

But I got up not amazing home decor in my personal opinion, Yeah.

But it was.

It's a big framed photo of him, very very yeah, very large.

But leads Brie to find a condom in the laundry and a wrapped like unused condom, and she immediately assumes that well, first she thinks it's her husband's it's her cheating husband, which I thought.

Was crazy that she immediately was like, this lime green condom must belong to my middle aged husband.

But she has tunnel vision. She has total tunnel vision. She didn't even entertain the thought that it could be her teenage son.

And the first her teenage daughter exactly, Oh the scandal, which actually turns out to be right.

And then she goes to Danielle. She confronts her, you know, is this your condom? And Danielle admits to her that it is, and she has it because she wants to have sex, but she doesn't want to get pregnant. And it's with John the gardener that she wants to have sex because she feels like he broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex with him. And this is my jumping off point for what sort of manipulative or manipulated or pressured feelings have any of us had? Could you relate to that at all? About what sex means?

I mean, I can jump right off with saying that I feel like in my adult life, even in my dating life, like you know, a few decades ago or whatever, but I feel like once you have sex with someone, the relationship changes, and often when you're just in that early dating stage, like if you sleep with somebody on the first date or the third date or the fifth date, you know, I feel like it changes, and not always for the better. And maybe there is some value in waiting, although I'll admit it, I never really wanted to because sex is fun, but it's super complicated. So what do you guys think about it?

It's funny, you know.

I was just talking to a friend of mine about this this past week, and he was saying to me how he has had experiences in his life where even when you say, this isn't going to change our friendship. And you know, very apropos of Taylor Swift's new album with the song Ruin the Friendship, this idea that sex will ruin a friendship and He was kind of saying that, actually, it really has been his experience that as much as two consenting adults can say, you know what, like, we don't want a relationship, but we're attracted to each other, We're just going to do this for fun. When you introduce sex, things do change. And he was saying in the case of the people that he's had this experience with which there wasn't very many. He said, though in

both cases they are not really friends anymore.

It's such an age old thing, right, the idea of can people who have attraction between them be friends and have the attraction not get in the way if they ever choose to give in to it, or even if they don't, like if attraction exists within a friendship, is is it possible to prioritize the friendship only or is it ever really only friendship? But honestly, I was just thinking about situations a la Danielle's predicament in this episode, and as you were talking, I I have not I did.

I did conflate it with an experience I had, which kind of picks up on two themes in this episode. Because it took place in a pool, it took place.

Hot take or cold take the worst place to have sex.

Have have well ear muffs to you. Maybe I don't know, But what if you tried to have sex and a pool. I mean, yeah, it's like really difficult. Yeah yeah, it's like doesn't it's.

Like a girl with both with both sexes.

It doesn't matter. Okay, the water is a problem, but the water specifically, certainly with certain anatomy, it's just defies the laws of what you're supposed to be doing in a pool. So just don't if you watch some porn or something where people were having sex in a pool, they weren't and it wasn't hot, and don't try it.

But just like just enjoy the pool and then go elsewhere for suck.

I have to agree that I have never had good or like uncomplicated or pleasurable sex and a jacuzzi or whatever. And I feel like I've tried. I mean not in a long time, right, but I feel like I've tried, and I've tried. And I think the reason do people do try is because this is what we're told. I mean, this is this is the problem with porn, especially with the younger generation. I think they see these things and they're like they're like brainwashed into some belief that this, this way of being is what's hot.

I would argue, not even porn, but like a notebook level of like romance movie. We see these really passionate scenes and they run into the ocean and there, and but like, that's just I just don't think that's reality.

No so hot, take bull sex not so hot, but also so in this moment, I was in my early twenties and I was kind of fooling around with someone, but it was really not It wasn't a serious thing. It was very sort of PG. Thirteen. I will say it was not like I didn't think I was ever indicating that it was going to go further than this.

Right on his end, though, I guess he thought and or hoped that it was. And so when he tried to progress things and I was like, oh, I'm not interested in doing anything more than this, he hopped out of the pool and he walked away and he goes, Okay, I guess I'll just fuck myself then, oh, which honestly is so funny to me, And it was funny to me in the moment that I laughed because I was like, that is a crazy reaction and like so gross and so now it's become a thing. I mean, my husband and I laugh about it. It's a thing that you know, we'll say in jest to each other because it was so ridiculous.

Oh I love now that we're part of the Okay, I guess I'll just fuck myself saying, oh my gosh, that should go on a shirt.

That's amazing.

And also you look so gross and it is making me think of a time I wrote down in my notes for this episode you so gross again? Yeah, was justin The New Gardener when he corners Gabby up in her bedroom, like you know, he's been pushing the lawnmower. He's gotten Carlos to hire him. He's shirtless, he's sweating whatever, and he corners her up when Carlos is out in her bedroom and he says he goes to make a pastor.

He tries to kiss her and she pushes him off, and then he says, hey.

Be nice, just just be nice.

Come here, be nice, and I it made me so mad this, I mean, certainly, then where it goes when he says, I'm going to reveal your affair and it becomes this kind of sexual blackmail, which ultimately I end up having a little bit more empathy for because he's clearly in a particular quandary. But the expression of be nice, it reminds me a little bit of the pressure from boys in high school to have sex or not to have sex. This idea that a woman who doesn't want, or any person who doesn't want to be physically intimate sexually is not being nice to the person who does is so deeply problematic.

And I gotta say, I mean, I'm looking at both of you.

I feel like we've probably all experienced at least one version of someone, if not many versions of someone implying that you are somehow not a nice person because you have a boundary about your own body.

Yeah, I think I mean that idea of that be nice. I don't know that it to my generation where women just put up with so much Like I'm sure that any actress of my age who's made her way through television and film career has a thousand stories to tell you about the producers that have come up and secretly whispered in their ear Hey, I had a really hot sex dream about you last night, and you know you just this was just my generation was like, hah, hope, it was a good dream.

I'm gonna go.

Learn my lines now, you know, like, like we did not think that we could push back at all, which is why when I look at your generation and now yours, I see a lot of hope in the way that each of you have gotten more of a handle on being able to have agency over your own thoughts and your own bodies and your own you know, stance in the world, and your ability to speak your mind, and the way society has sort of supported that. Although you know, I do look, I do feel like we're headed a little backwards.

You know.

I feel like some of the narrative were getting out of you know, the government or whatever I or politicians. I feel like, you know, some of that stuff. It makes me feel very scared to feel like we're at risk of losing some of that. That be nice. Feels like that happened to me, Like you say those words and I like want to vomit, right, yeah, Like.

I feel like I know that, And I can't have an actual exact memory come up, but I feel like it's a pretty do you do you? Oh?

Of course, of course. And also it just makes me think of that, you know, the the sidewalk version of that, right, which is men telling women to smile.

I was just going to say that, Oh my god, I was so gonna say that.

Yes, it's that's that's the out in the daylight, put a nice face on it type of thing.

You should smile more, smile more.

Yeah, yeah, for what because yeah, we're here, we're here, We're existing for you in your enjoyment, right, I mean, that's the undercurrent of that implication.

Yeah, I mean, sorry for our male listeners, Like I don't mean to be you know, like punching down on that, but it is a female experience that certainly existed a lot in my generation. And I do think does I mean, I don't know that I've had anybody say this you should smile more recently, but I remember, I think when I was doing Saturday Night Live. When I was hosting Saturday Night Live, I feel like I was walking down the street. I kind of remember to meet David Spade, maybe like maybe I was meet I feel like like I feel like maybe it was to talk about the monologue or whatever, but some stranger on the street said to me, you should smile more, And I just I think I was like in my head of like thinking

about all the work I had to do and thinking about all the sketches and whatever, like you're just and this invasiveness of like you don't, well, what what what is me smiling or not smiling? Like what does it have to do with you? I know it is not context at all of what I am going through as a person in this moment, And it is crazy that I'm sure that I'm getting some of it. The piece is wrong, but it was New York. It was around Saturday Night Live, and that has to be thirty years ago.

Yeah, And I just want to say I want to jump in because you said I don't. I don't want to punch down to our male listeners. First of all, I don't think it's punching down to our male listeners, because if you are a male listener and you're saying be nice to someone, what the hell's wrong with you?

But two, I think this.

I actually know straight men in this industry who I will not name out of respect, who have experienced women in positions of power coming on to them very recently.

Wow, right here, that it is not being a female that issue.

It's not exclusively a female issue, and I actually think it's an issue that gets talked about maybe less because women have dealt with it so much more and we're we talk.

To each other about it privately and a lot.

And my male friends who have had this experience it is it's really hard to know what to do to be like, I'm hired, I'm in this snart, Like what do I say?

Well, power dynamics is always a really interesting thing when it comes to how it makes us feel. Where it comes in in the office or in just in any sort of situation when someone's in a position of power and someone isn't, and then they feel like, what do I need to do to please this person because they have higher power over me. But that makes me think of the Lynette and Tom situation in this episode, and it's not a sexual thing, but the fact that Tom is up for this VP promotion and he wants it, and Lynette, you know, encourages him to go for it and and is championing him for this promotion and then learns that it comes with him being away more now he's going to be in charge of the West Coast office,

and her sort of unpacking the fact that Okay, now I don't know that I want this for you. I thought that was really interesting and I feel like I have I could feel relating to the idea of giving someone advice and then realizing that my my advice might have been conditional, and maybe I can't stand by my advice anymore because now that I know the full picture, it's out of my own self interest. I wouldn't have given that advice, which isn't a very good thing necessarily, But I thought that was an interesting moment for those characters.

I also think, like I'm wondering in You're since you're the married one of the of the three of us, Like I mean, I found what was real about this Lynette and Tom moment is is you really just I felt like got a very honest look at Okay. She has given up her very well go career that was going very well to raise kids, and you can tell that she was great at her job and she loved her job, and she misses her job, and she probably she has from the pilot, and I think she's going to feel that way the whole way through the run of the show. And Tom, you can see in his masculinity he wants to succeed. It's important to him to succeed at the job because it is feeding his ego and he needs that. And yet you can see that

they love each other and you can see that they both wanted this big family, but it is such a mess and so complicated, and it kind of feels like no one is going to get what they want. And I mean, I look at myself and I go listen, I'm not in a relationship. I don't have to negotiate. If I want to move somewhere, I can move there.

If I want to get a certain job, I can get it. Like there's and you know, I would have to probably go to therapy and think about like why did I do that? I mean, I'm sure I've played a role in why I've been single for so long. I'm not saying I'm unhappy about it, but it is interesting that I've put myself in a position where I'm not dealing with that. So when you look at marriage and you're both actors and you're going to be a mom, like, how do you guys navigate? Like what the dreams are and where the future's going? And have you had those conversations?

We have had those conversations, and we do continue to have them, especially in preparation of having a daughter and navigating how we prioritize ourselves our careers. You know, for example, he's been on a television show that's in Vancouver, and that's been present during my pregnancy and trying to figure out what time do we request to have him here so that he can be a part of this experience in accompany me to doctor's appointments, because he's just as much responsible for this baby as I am, even though she is growing in my body, and so it does come up a lot and talk about it, and you know, I think so much of it will be navigating in real time. I am lucky to be with someone who feels equal partnership in that regard. Doesn't expect me, I mean,

God doesn't expect me to bear more of that weight. However, I think naturally, you got to be really cognizant of avoiding those traps because I see it happen. I see it happen in a lot of and I will say typically heterosexual relationships where the woman becomes more of the caretaker and nurturer and therefore automatically slips into having more responsibility over the child just because they're like doing it, and those roles just are so embedded in us. And I do think from my generation it's gotten better, but it's not. It's not great. I don't think there's a ton of parody there yet gender wise. But I also think another thing that's really interesting with the Lenet and Tom things that she was clearly so shiny in her

work as an executive, Like she clearly was magnetic and successful and strong and just naturally good at it and earned it. Not just naturally that comes back to the luck thing, but probably worked really hard to get there, and he might just be okay at his job.

I want to jump in here because I agree. I feel like.

You see Lynette's work prowess in the way she says, well, did you ask for the promotion? Like, oh, you were just sitting around on your hands hoping you were going to get the promotion. Tom's been passed over for a promotion. He's upset that it's been given to someone else, who then ends up having a heart attack later on a baseball field. I'm lucky for him, but Tom says, well, he knows how hard I work. He skirts her question and the answer to the question is he didn't ask for it. And Lynette strikes me very much, probably partially because she was a woman killing it in the workplace, and you really have to double advocate for yourself as a woman in more male dominated fields, but as someone who did not sit around waiting for opportunities to come

to them, but who said what she wanted and sounds like a lot of the time got it. And I think that to me, that conversation between them plants such a seed of resentment that then when he does end up getting the promotion, because the original guy gets sick and he gets picked and it's so funny that it's actually the boss's wife that kind of puts him in for it. I and I'm not trying to have a cynical view of Lynette, but I think it is much less about how long Tom's going to be away and that she's going to be more overwhelmed with the kids.

And I feel the seed of resent that here is her husband who is maybe just okay at his job that she was really great at, that she quit to be staying at home now getting more opportunities that she wanted that she would have had, that he didn't even have the balls to ask for until she told him to. And I think, and I don't think this is a good trait in a partnership. I think you can't be resentful of your partner's successes. I mean, you can be, but I really think you have to keep it to yourself or put it in your therapist's office and not bring that into your relationship if you want to have a healthy, successful relationship, Because I think if you want your partner to be happy and you want to be happy,

you both need to be the brightest, shiniest, fullest versions of yourself. But I empathize, I empathize with Lynette's what seems to be coming up for her.

It sort of feeds into like an overall take on the episode that Marryout Alice talks about at the end, which is where she says, like all of Suburbia is filled with lies, you know, with white lies, the lies we tell each other, I mean, ourselves about like are we happy? You know, are we satisfied? And we go to bed like feeling these secret untruth and just sort of hope that will dream them into a morning where they don't exist anymore. But they do, and I feel like a lot of people function like this.

Oh, I so agree, and I think, I mean, I want to circle back to it in a bit, the idea of white lies and they place that those exist for us in society. But to your bigger point of questions like are we happy or if we're thinking about the Justin character, that then ultimately becomes Justin and Andrew Breeson questioning their sexuality, and I mean, I think they seem pretty gay to me, but not wanting to like embrace that part of themselves. I think about this amazing thing that my therapist has said to me, that the burden of action rests on those with awareness. And I'll say it again because it's a thing I have to repeat.

The burden of action rests on those with awareness. So if I acknowledge to myself, I'm not happy. If I acknowledge myself, okay, I'm queer, I now have that awareness, and unfortunately the burden of doing something about that awareness now rests on me. So I think in the question of like am I happy or not, so many people maybe go to bed. I'm certainly guilty of this, sometimes go to bed with the lie of yeah, I'm happy because if I said I'm not happy about this situation.

Now I have to take action against it, and that is really really hard.

I put it in a little bit of different words. Instead of action, I think the word that comes in which I like this a lot, I mean, it's better, but I think I interpret that with the word responsibility. Like people don't like to take responsibilit for where they are. They like to be the victim. They like to blame others.

It's really difficult to look at, you know, your own unhappiness if we just use that sort of general word and to go like, how am I responsible for this? Well?

And then also if you do accept responsibility, because I think the only reason I'd want to push back on that phrasing is because I feel like respon it implies a level of like you've done things wrong, which is your class amo you love to think that you've done something wrong and put shame and guilt on yourself.

Thank you. But it's a lifelong skill.

But I think there is nothing wrong. I mean, okay, we can totally dive into the the Andrew and Justin storyline, like in the example of recognizing your queer, there's so nothing wrong with that. But now you've acknowledged it and you have to do something about it. You know, you either have to come out to your family, you have to come out to your friends. Maybe they're not all going to have realcy actions that you're going to like, You're going to have to take action against the fallout with that you're going to embrace. Ultimately, I would say, as a queer person, a more fulfilling and happy self because you're living in your full self and your full truth and identity.

And there can be a lot of upheaval.

Especially in certain types of families, which obviously Andrew, as we can tell from the condom conversation with Brie, isn't a very conservative family, and I'm not one hundred percent sure about Justin's family, and I think that that can be challenging. I mean, I'm thinking about even when I came out to Graham and Grandpa and how you know, it was obviously my family's super liberal and was not really a big deal to.

But I had some I probably had even more reservations, I think than you did, because I was as their reaction would be. Yeah, I was very protective of you, and.

My grandparents are very conservative, the liberal but they're very concerned.

Right, And we've talked about how they're not the most emotionally available open people in this right way, right.

And I know that they, you know, love their granddaughter, but you know, there's a lot of issues there, and I just my biggest thing is your mom was to protect you from having to deal with a dramatic situation that whatever. So I was for a long time, I was. I I mean, I don't think I said don't tell them.

I think I mean I think we did go back and forth a little bit. Yeah, I have to say, which was interesting because it was, like I said, it was no big deal to like come out to my friends and to my family, my like immediate parents, but but yeah, my grandparents, I said. For a few months, I said to my mom, hey, I really I want to tell them this. And I have to say, my whole first relationship with like my first like serious girlfriend, I did not tell my grandparents that. I completely, for like a year, kept that to myself. I mean, I don't see them all the time, so it wasn't like I was sitting on a gigantic secret. But they had met the last man I ever dated, which was years ago now, and they knew him, and then they knew

that we broke up, and then for a long time they would ask me like, so you dating any guys? Are you going out with any guys? And I'd be like, no, Grandma, I'm not going out with any guys. Yeah, and really skirted it. And then you know, my ex girlfriend of the time and I broke up and I was dating more women, and then I got into another serious relationship with a woman and I said to my mom, I was like, listen, this is really now something that I want them to meet her, Like I want her to come to holiday things. I'm gonna tell them. I mean, they're not gonna They're not going anywhere, and they I want them to know this because also I'm really in a point in my life where I just want to be known I want and that has like not even

just identity wise at all, like who I am, my failings, my successes. I only want relationships in my life with people who know me completely. There's this amazing Roca poem, my favorite Poe it, and he has this great line where he says, I want to unfold because anywhere I am folded, there I am a lie. And I have been thinking about that a lot recently. I just I want relationships where I feel entirely unfolded. And I think at the time, coming out to my grandparents that felt like a fold that I didn't want to be feeling like I was living in a lie. So I said to my mom, I have to unfold. I have to tell them about this part of my identity. And she was like, oh god, okay. And we go over to their house and we walk in and they have Fox

News playing on the banner like it's muted, but on the banner across the TV it says like traditional family value is corrected.

No liberal media, and that's like going across the banner.

And I was like, I can't write it. You can't know.

I'm like, well, there's no time like the presence. And so I sat down and I said, hey, you know, and I thought I phrased it pretty well if anyone is in this similar situation, I said, you know, I wanted to tell you, guys, I'm really excited to tell you I met someone actually and I really love them and I'm in a relationship with them.

And my grandma.

Immediately lit up because she's like, oh, thank god, you're not single like your mom. Like I'm so, I'm so glad there's my mom.

It's throwing me under the bush. Gosh, okay, it's another episode.

And I said, yeah, you know, And I said, it's honestly, it's silly that I'm even nervous to tell you this because I'm so happy that I'm in a loving relationship. But it's with a woman, and this is her name, and my grandma, I got to say, for all their shortcomings, really surprised me. She did not miss a beat. She goes, I am so happy that you were in a loving relationship.

It is so important to be in a relationship with someone who's in love with you. And then, of course she immediately pivots and looks at my grandpa was sitting next to her and goes, because if you're not in a relationship with someone you're in love with, you end up fifty years married to someone you're miserable with. And I go, okay, I feel like we've moved on from me being gay a bit too quickly.

From traditional family values to Emerson Square to.

The audience knows and clarity why I am so fucked off?

Guy?

Wow, Well, thank you for sharing all of that. I love the idea of you know, you you saying that the however you phrased it, or your therapist phrases it. And I think it's a really interesting thing that you reframing it as responsibility and then you pushing back and I don't know, Yeah, I mean action I think inspires motion, you know, which is kind of nice. It's like it says there's something to do about this. And I but I also think the idea of responsibility gives you ownership as well. And I've always thought it's such an odd thing for those who are, you know, part of the LGBTQ a community that they have to come out it's something.

And the thing is is like that can be a beautiful thing. And I have so many friends in that community who it is eventually a thing. They get to share their identity with those who they want to know that part of them. But it is such an inherently strange thing that falls as a burden. I would say on that a member of that community that I now have to announce who I want to sleep with.

Wild the number of like straight men I have had honestly shortly after like asking me out and we'd be like, oh, no, thank you, Like I'm queer, I'm not interested. And they go like, oh, like when did you know you were gay? And I always go, you know, when did you know.

That you were straight?

Yeah?

Yeah, well like when when did you know? Because I think we don't we we don't ask. It is the assumed baseline heteron It's why it's called heteronormativity.

It's the assumed norm.

Yeah, that we don't ask kids to just say who you like?

And I hear, what's the thing we shouldn't be?

Because that can and that can change over time and you can, like, I mean, the label queer is amazing, and I kind of feel like I hope and I probably won't even see this in my lifetime, but I hope that queerness becomes the heteronormative standard because I think the idea of queerness being an embracing label to say I can be attracted to a lot of different people and it can depend on the circle.

I just also think that we you know, it will not be in my lifetime.

I was thinking about how another big truth facing moment in this episode for some of our cast, some of our characters is Gabrielle and Carlo's finally coming to having to be honest with each other and face the realities of we can't afford our lifestyle anymore, we can't probably afford our house anymore. Which, yeah, like, okay, I think that's been pretty apparent. I don't think Gabrielle's modeling gigs, laying on a mattress or covering that mortgage, right, But so the money's running out and they have to face this and they have this nice scene on the porch.

Hi Lar, I loved this scene too. I thought it was a an actually redeeming moment for Gabrielle.

But I was gonna say a little strange because I do feel like the Gabrielle we've been seeing, the one that was could not have been meaner to the housekeeper, the one that like is so unbelievably selfish that she would have this affair with an underage high school student. You know, like, these are not great character traits. And you know, maybe, as James was saying, and as we've said with some of the other guests that we've had, the evolution of some of these characters comes probably from the writers see what the talent is doing, and then the talent informs what the writer's right next. And I have to believe that there was some influence of what Eva as a human brings to Gabby that must have begun to turn this character around, because she was so awful,

and this is the first episode where we see some true sense of humanity.

Again and a moral compass pointed in remotely the right direction.

Yeah, however, maybe unearned or abrupt this turn for Gabby feels it did. I did like the scene as a scene a lot, and it brought up questions for me of what does home mean to you?

Like is home?

Is home a physical place? And if it's not a physical place, what is it? And also how do we reconcile life changing when we don't expect it to change.

I think that's a great question about is home a physical place? I would say no. For me, I have moved so much in my life. I mean, really, we have moved as a family, Like as a young kid, we moved a lot. I've been done many big cross country moves back and forth from the east to the west coast. I'm somebody who really enjoys leaving spaces and creating a new space somewhere else or even changing up my furniture in my house, I would constantly do you relate to that? I feel like you do. Yeah, I would rearrange the furniture for no reason. I would get this impulse to do it, and it would make me feel really satisfied and fulfilled and whatever. That's psychology deeper there.

But so no, I don't think of home as a physical location, though I do think of it a little bit differently now going into being a mom, because I'm so aware that this house that my husband and I just moved into this year, and again my approach to homes, it's not like, Okay, now we're living in this house and this is our forever home. I never think of a place as a forever place, but it does feel like maybe the most important place now because this is the place that my daughter forever will know as her first home. And so I feel differently about home right home right now. But no, in for the most part, No, I don't think of home as a physoce it.

Is a home is a place for me that holds memories. But I do have to say that got really challenged last year with the fires, and this was the first time that I had this feeling so viscerally because even though we were in not where the main fire zones were, we did get evacuated for twenty four hours because there were two fires on either side of where we were, and if the wind had gone the wrong way, it could have been bad. So we got the alert that you had to get out and evaluating that. Like in the moment, I had no electricity. I hadn't had electricity in three days at that point already, and so it was dark, it was six pm. I couldn't really see anything, and I'm by myself. I'm sort of running around like

what do I take? What's important? And then the only thing I took? Do you know what I took? So my daughter is the best card like on the planet, and I have every birthday card that she's ever written me, and they're up on the bookshelf in my bedroom. That is all that I took. I mean, on my passport, I took I and the cat, Yes, and the animals, of course, but those cards were the only thing that I took. And then I went and picked up Grandma and Grandpa were also evacuated, so I picked them up, and my mom my hoarding, mom, I need this grocery tag and I need this this, you know, bottle cap, bottle cap, I need redever. Yeah, So we went to stay at a friend's house and when we got out of the car, it was a long drive to get

to where we were staying. When we got out of the car, I got a message from my girlfriend that lives across the street from me, and she said, oh my god, they've just dropped water from the helicopter on our backyard. So she lives we live in the hills, and she lives down the street but across the street, and she lives more on the side that's going to go into the like national forest. So I get that the water got dropped on her house and not my house.

But still when that that was such a significant I was like, oh my god, they're dropping water on my neighborhood, Like that's this is actually real, like this could actually happen. And I kind of lived through the what would I do if it all burned down and it felt like like unsurvivable, and then there was this feeling of like, well then I would I would just have to move on to a different part of my life. And she knows how much I love cornwall, and I started thinking, well, I guess this would be my sign, and like I thought, well, this will be my sign to just pick up and start making new memories. So to wrap up like home, I think of my home having been single, having had my daughter, and all of our Christmases and our Easters

and our Halloweens and her growing up and moving. Everything happened in that house, and I very much even though I there's probably a big part of me that should sell the house and do something else because it's probably too bit all the things, but I can't let go of the memories. I can't let go of the home.

So even though I know it could also be my home in my Vinta Scooby do Van, I know I could make a home out of that. I could make a home out of nothing. I guess that's a good thing to know about yourself. If you can make a home out of very very little and still feel like imagine that you could find love and happiness in it, then you're gonna be good. Because whatever happens to you, success or failure, if you know that the love and the happiness comes from something else, you're gonna be You're.

Gonna feel that I really feel that my home is in my relationships, Like I don't just mean romantic related, in my friendships and my familial relationships. And I do feel like especially I don't know at this moment in my life, I feel like I'm in a lot of like growth and change and expansion and work potentially taking me away from California for a period of time. And I'm actually I am someone who likes my creature comforts, and I love my home and I've been in my home that I live in now for the last five years and I like to make it mine. But I'm in this phase right now where I just want less.

I've gotten rid of so much stuff. I've gotten rid of so many clothes, I've gotten rid of furniture. I just feel like less and less attached shetting.

Yeah, I'm shedding.

I've gotten less and less attached to physical things. I just bought a new pair of jeens, and I was like, got rid of all my other jeens. I was like, all I want are these one pair of pants, Because I want to be able to let life and the relationships and the joy and the opportunities in my life become my home and take me where I need to be to live out those moments and not feel like tethered to a physical place.

Right now, I do think that's very healthy and right now, home for us is this is one version of my home. Can you do this podcast with you and all of our listeners?

And well, I mean, Susan did find out that Mike is a R and a drug dealer, but we're just gonna have to pick that up the next episode.

Thanks for coming to our home here, yeah, and and and come home and visit us at home next next week.

And we, as always, we are desperately devoted to you,

The Mysterious Case of ‘Whose Condom is That’ (S1 Ep15 "Impossible")

Kapitelklicken springt direkt hin

Shownotes

Transkriptvom Podcast bereitgestellt · Zeitmarken springen hin