My boyfriend EXPECTED me to pay for our entire trip... and never told me beforehand! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3136

0:00 Hey, this is Angie.

0:01 And this is Carly, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

0:11 My boyfriend expected me to pay for our entire trip and never told me beforehand.

0:16 I hope that trip is all expenses paid. I, 29.

0:20 Female, really want to share the story with you. All because I was generally so shocked and disgusted about what happened. And I really just need to let it all out. Before I tell you the story, you just got to let it all out. Give it to us.

0:33 Come on.

0:34 I have to add that my boyfriend, 31 male, has never officially asked me to be his girlfriend. Then he is not your boyfriend, 31 male. It's just a man. He's a 31-year-old male.

0:47 That's it. This is like platonic or strangers.

0:51 Yes. That's it. There is no in-between. I kind of thought this would be the weekend he'd do it. I'm not going to lie, there have been a few tiny red flags in our relationship before our holiday, but I really wanted to have a go at making it work. Not anymore. So about a month ago, Brad told me he wanted to take me away for a romantic weekend.

1:11 Our first. He ended up choosing an expensive apartment at the beach, so I offered to pay for half of the accommodation costs. But Brad refused to let me help pay and just said I should use my money as spending money so I could enjoy the weekend. Okay. Okay, Brad.

1:26 Okay.

1:27 All right.

1:27 All right.

1:28 All right, Trip King. I feel you.

1:29 Yeah.

1:30 From what we had talked about. I was under the assumption we would get groceries for the entire weekend and go 50-50. This is what we usually do. I'm on a really tight budget at the moment and only had $ 150 to spare. TBH, OP was expecting to pay for half of this. I don't think we should be going on romantic trips. If you have to pay for any of this.

1:54 What do you mean, though?

1:55 She's only got $ 150 to spare.

1:58 Yeah, my bad. My bad we have $ 50 in our bank accounts.

2:02 Yeah, sorry. I can't go on this trip with you.

2:05 Yeah, my bad. We can't spend an evening in Rome. Yeah, yeah.

2:10 I was guessing groceries would be about $ 75 each for the weekend, and then I could use the rest for spending money. By the way, this comes from Cassant. And if you want to spend your own stories, go to the RSL Showcase Storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia.

2:22 And I'm Mike.

2:23 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says. And make dinner together at the apartment, thinking it would be romantic. But he was a bit tired from the drive and wanted to grab some food right away. As I knew the area better, I pointed out the main fish and chip restaurant near the beach, the only one I knew of that had great reasonably priced food. And he said, how about we sit down and eat? I was thinking, oh, great. He wants to take me out for dinner. That's just a bit romantic. Just a bit romantic.

3:03 Just a tiny, just a little bit.

3:05 Just a dash of romance.

3:06 Just a little bit, a little bit.

3:08 Just a little bit. I really had no clue what was about to happen.

3:12 Oh, no.

3:13 The restaurant was one of those pay-before-you-eat places, so we go up to the counter to make our order. Brad chose a really expensive meal, and when the time comes to pay, Brad hung back, didn't make any move to reach for his wallet.

3:26 Whoa, what the? The first, the audacity.

3:29 Audacity. The audacity. That's crazy. Yeah, he invites you on a romantic weekend.

3:34 Yeah.

3:35 And then says, let's go out to eat.

3:36 Yeah, yeah.

3:37 And then doesn't even offer to split.

3:40 Lee just leaves it on the table. Yeah, can't be doing that.

3:44 I quickly realized he was expecting me to pay. All the while, the server was flicking anxious glances between the both of us.

3:52 Awkward.

3:52 She's like, I hate that.

3:55 I remember this cold wash of panic rushed down my spine as I handed my money over. The food and drinks came out to be about $ 70, which was about half of the money for the weekend, of her money for the weekend. Later, as we were eating, he got all smiley and jovial and said how nice it was he wouldn't have to pay for food and drinks the entire weekend because he paid for the accommodation.

4:18 Oh, my God, dude.

4:19 Huh? When did we make that agreement?

4:22 No.

4:22 Bro, it's literally, dude. The, the, the, the balls on this guy, the audacity.

4:28 No, I mean, this is not your boyfriend and he's making it very clear.

4:32 Oh my God. I totally forgot about it. Bro, you, yeah, dude, man, bro, man up. Just do it.

4:40 Just do it.

4:40 You know, hit up Nike, bro. Yeah.

4:43 I'm just going to say no now.

4:44 Yeah.

4:45 It's too late now.

4:45 Yeah.

4:46 To say I was shocked was an under-effing statement. We had never discussed this. Even though I passed away a little inside as we were eating, I just smiled and nodded and realized I was effed. I'd have to spend the entire weekend stuck at the beach with a guy I had no respect for and couldn't even look at.

5:02 I know I should have told him I wasn't prepared to pay for any more meals due to lack of funds, but I was worried he'd get cranky and I still had two days to get through with a guy. The next morning I said, how about we go to the store and get food for the rest of the weekend so we can enjoy the apartment by the beach without having to go out for food all the time. He finally agreed. But when we got to the store, he never offered to pay. And I ended up footing the entire grocery bill. He didn't even offer to pay half.

5:30 And then I ended up cooking all of our meals for the rest of the weekend. And he never offered to help out. Not once. All he wanted to do was sit in front of the TV and watch sports or check the score. That is diabolical to on a romantic weekend. Instead of like, even if he doesn't know how to cook or like doesn't want to help cook.

5:48 Yeah.

5:49 To not just like sit next door and be like, oh, let's chit chat.

5:53 Yeah.

5:53 Yeah.

5:55 Yeah, you mean that normal stuff that couples do?

5:59 Ew.

5:59 Gross, dude. Jesus.

6:04 It was a real eye-opener, and I'm so glad I got a chance to see what he was really like. It was almost as if he wanted me to woo him, not the other way around. I mean, he does. He's like, when is she going to ask me to be her boyfriend?

6:18 Yeah, yeah. Just waiting. Oh, my God.

6:19 Which you could, but don't.

6:21 Yeah, well, no. Yeah. But also, too, like, as a guy, too, like, it is, like, our responsibility to kind of just be like, dude, like, you got to throw the ball in their court.

6:34 Yeah, I feel like.

6:34 You know what I mean?

6:35 Yeah, I mean, I guess it does depend on the situation.

6:38 Well, yeah, yeah, of course.

6:40 I think it's, like, whoever.

6:42 If they're married, like, hey, dude, you want to.

6:43 Throw the ball in your court.

6:45 Listen, guys, don't let your girlfriend stop you from finding your wife. For real. Okay?

6:49 For real.

6:50 Just keep on going out there. That's the moral of the story.

6:53 Yeah. I think it's just like, whoever is kind of holding back in this situation.

6:57 Yeah.

6:58 They kind of have to be the one to say, Hey, I'll do it.

7:01 Oh yeah.

7:01 Yeah. Yeah.

7:02 I feel what you're saying. I feel what you're saying.

7:03 Whoever's being like, okay. Cause sometimes there's one person who's like, I'm all for this.

7:08 Yeah.

7:08 Yeah.

7:09 Yeah. Oh yeah. I think, but like, I think 90% of the time that's, that's why like I'm thinking where I was just like, yeah, like you're the guy who's holding back. He's just always holding back. Um, No, yeah. It was like, ask.

7:21 Sure.

7:21 Who cares?

7:22 On last morning at the beach, as we were dropping off the keys to the real estate, he said he wanted to get some takeaway coffees before we started the drive home. When we walked into the cafe, he hung back and I knew he wanted me to pay again.

7:36 Real Prince Charming, this guy.

7:37 I'm like, hey, I'm not getting you anything. Except I had forgotten my wallet and only had my phone on me. I turned to him and whispered, do you have your wallet on you? He said, oh, you're tricking me so you don't have to pay. Very smart. Is this Saw? You think she's trying to trap you? Insane. Insane.

7:59 Yeah, yeah.

8:00 I'm like, you know what?

8:01 Bye.

8:01 I was shocked into silence as he paid. I was close to bursting into tears at this point as we were waiting for our coffees. I said, look, I really didn't mean to forget my wallet. And he said, nah, don't believe you. You definitely tricked me. I hate this man. I just remember thinking, what the F? Did that just happen?

8:22 I was ready to snap at him, but we still had the trip home to get through. During the three-hour drive home, I slept the whole way so I didn't have to talk to him. Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable and what he did was really crappy. I haven't ended things with him yet, but I was thinking of doing it this afternoon. Would it be wrong of me to call him up or should I do it face to face? Some friends have suggested I meet up with him and say something like, sorry, but this relationship isn't working for me. So I need to break up with you. I really do wish you well. And I know that you'll find that special girl one day. Others have suggested I ghost him. But what I really want to do is send him a text message saying this.

8:59 You were a total D-bag over the weekend expecting me to pay for everything. And I never want to see you again. And if I haven't made it clear, this is me breaking up with you. I'll be blocking you on everything as I have a no contact policy with my exes. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Goodbye. Is he your ex, though?

9:15 Yeah.

9:17 Not to get hung up on that, but is he your ex?

9:20 Yeah, I don't. They were never official in the first place. You know what I mean?

9:25 He's just a man. You can release him. Don't ghost. I don't like ghosting.

9:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ghost is a little harsh.

9:31 Just be like, hey, it's not working out.

9:33 It's not working out. Sometimes ghosting is necessary, though.

9:36 I feel like if they're creepy or if it's a safety thing, I'm like, yeah. I don't need to tell you why. Or if I haven't met them yet.

9:45 Yeah.

9:45 If it's like I just was talking. Let's say if it was like an app. or something that I met them through and I was just talking to them, then I'm like, okay, well, we just stopped talking.

9:54 Yeah.

9:54 But I don't, I mean, obviously.

9:56 Yeah, but if you guys are like going out together, you know what I mean?

10:01 A short little, hey, not working.

10:04 Yeah, yeah.

10:04 But we got to edit. Yes, I know, red effing flags everywhere, but I just swerved around them and kept going. Relevant comments. Halahart says, it was the coffee thing that really made me think so. He made you cry. I hate that. Then basically called you a liar. It was so mean and immature of him. I'm sticking to my resolve and still saying, don't go. Don't go where? Sometimes silence can really get the point across. Plus, I would hate for him to have a reason to lash out at you over this. Silence is golden. I disagree with that.

10:38 Yeah? You disagree with that?

10:39 Just the ghosting. I'm just like, just a little, hey, this isn't working out.

10:44 Yeah.

10:44 That's it.

10:45 Yeah.

10:46 You don't even have to go into detail.

10:47 It's not working out.

10:48 Yeah.

10:49 Just leave it at that. Leave it at that. Leave it at that.

10:51 Opie says, thank you. The coffee thing was pretty hard to get through. You know when your chin starts trembling and it takes all of your willpower not to cry? That's pretty much what happened. When I recounted the story to my parents yesterday, I almost started crying again at that point. And my mom and dad both got misty-eyed and just hugged me for a while. They both knew how excited I'd been and how much I trusted him, and they were devastated for me, particularly my dad. He just kept shaking his head, saying, oh, I'm just so sorry that happened to you.

11:20 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

11:22 Okay, I'm going to go cry again. I have to stop. Raw says, okay, I was leaning toward the benefit of miscommunication. After all, you agreed that he paid for accommodation, and it was not clearly worded that you'd pay for food and fun. However, if he believed that, he probably would have said, I thought you were paying for food and drinks and not, you're tricking me. I'd put that on par with usually the one accusing of cheating is cheating. Hence, the guilty projection. I think he was knowingly using you.

11:50 Opie says, that's really interesting. I never thought of that. I think he just wanted to weaken away.

11:55 Yeah, he's not. This is just like a master plan that this other person is telling this Opie.

12:03 Yeah. Oh, he's like, no, you don't understand.

12:06 Yeah. You just told me that like he's stepping outside.

12:09 Yeah.

12:09 No, he said he was, uh, he just needed to.

12:12 Like, he's plotting against you.

12:13 He's plotting against you. They're after you.

12:16 He may have been holding a grudge because he paid the entirety of the accommodation costs, even though I offered and thought I should just automatically offer to shout him all weekend. And if I didn't, I was the bad guy. I just can't believe he made not a single mention of this beforehand. I just assume we do what we usually do. Go 50-50 or have one person shout food, the other person pay for drinks, and then swap the next night. I'm just wondering how he ever thought that forcing your girl to pay for the entirety of dinner while on your first night out on holiday would ever be attractive. Nunu Brad says, I hope you don't take this wrong way because he really sounds crappy and you should definitely break up with him, but you let all

12:54 of that happen to yourself. At the first restaurant, why didn't you just say, yeah, that was like half of my money? That's kind of awkward though.

13:02 Just what? What about it is awkward? Just like the whole scenario where.

13:06 Well, this commenter is saying after OP was told to pay for them the first night, they're like, oh, well, you should have just told them you only.

13:14 Had $ 150 total to spend.

13:17 Yeah, but sometimes people get weird about money.

13:19 That's what I'm saying. I'm like, it would be a little bit awkward. You're like, actually, I only have $ 70 left. Well, okay.

13:25 I will say it's only awkward about money when you're broke.

13:28 Yeah, she's broke.

13:30 She doesn't have money.

13:31 Dude, you're going out. That's the only time where you're just like, you're counting the pennies, bro.

13:36 You're like, I actually do need that $ 4 back. Thanks.

13:41 Bro, but spending $ 20 is like, ugh, you know?

13:44 Oh, that's how much that was?

13:47 Okay.

13:48 OP says, I effing wish I'd done this. I wish so much I'd stood up to him and told him I had practically no money left. If I could go back, I'd do things differently and stand up for myself for once. I'd probably tell him what he did wasn't cool, that I wanted to break up with him, and that I wanted to go home now. Instead, I put myself through the weekend of heck. It just got worse and worse and worse. OP mentions past things that boyfriend has done.

14:13 I'm so, so lucky this happened. I reckon it would have taken me a fair deal longer to break it off with him without a flag as huge as this one landing in front of me. He was doing a few other things I didn't like, but I was letting him get away with it, canceling dates for 24-hour bugs, forgetting to get back to me about dates, never calling, no longer bothering to take me out for dinner, no daytime dates... He's not your boyfriend. Everything that you've told me about this man.

14:40 He is not your boyfriend.

14:41 I keep on forgetting that these guys are not together, bro.

14:44 Yeah.

14:45 And, like, that's not me saying, like, oh, you shouldn't expect that. That's just me saying, like, he's proven.

14:49 He's proven he's not.

14:52 There's nothing going on to, like, make him just be like, hey, you're my girlfriend.

14:58 There's no evidence here that proves to me that he likes you. So I'm glad that you finally realized, oh, I probably shouldn't go out with him.

15:06 Yeah, yeah. They lifted the blinders on him.

15:10 Update.

15:11 Oh.

15:12 One of my friends suggested what a few of you pointed out. He really didn't deserve anything but a good ghost, seeing as we weren't official or exclusive anyway. So how do you break up with someone when you were never in a relationship in the first place? I thought I'd wait until he messaged me to organize a catch-up. Then I'd call him and let him know that our non-relationship was over. I feel like he's going to ghost her.

15:35 Oh, my. This is what it's coming down to. I didn't even think. It makes so much more sense, though.

15:40 I feel like she's going to be like, I'm just going to wait until he texts me.

15:42 Yeah, yeah.

15:43 And then he never will.

15:45 You want to know what this is going to come to?

15:47 Yeah.

15:48 It's going to be like, she's going to be thinking about like, oh, maybe I'll just like... Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll ghost him. Maybe I'll give him another chance. And then he's just kind of just straight up just not ghost. He's just going to ghost him, bro.

16:00 Yeah.

16:00 Like, he's just not going to respond.

16:02 Dude, I really hope that that's not what it comes down to.

16:05 I feel like she was probably setting up all the dates. And he was just kind of going on them because.

16:11 Yeah, but guys, we're done. We're done, though. We are done.

16:15 Yeah.

16:16 Yeah, this guy especially.

16:17 Biggest moron in town, baby.

16:19 Ovi continues, but he hasn't contacted me to organize anything, and it's been two to three days since we got back from the beach. My friend said it was a mutual ghost ship, which made me laugh at least.

16:32 Oh, they both ghosted each other.

16:33 Yeah, they both ghosted.

16:35 Look at that.

16:35 All right, then.

16:36 Look at that. We were thinking it was going to be her or him. It was both of them. It was both of them.

16:41 Great.

16:42 I'm going to block him on everything and let's leave.

16:44 Sure, yeah.

16:46 That's so funny.

16:47 Seeing as our lives were separate, I only have to block his number and Facebook. That's it. Don't have anything of his at my place and there's nothing of mine at his. We only ever had one photo together on Facebook and I've already deleted that. This is probably the easiest erase I've ever done.

17:02 Yeah, it's easy when you've never been in a relationship to begin with.

17:06 Yeah, it's easy when you weren't dating him.

17:08 Yeah.

17:09 Or, like, officially. Breakups are so.

17:12 Easy, dude.

17:12 Yeah, it's so easy when you're not officially with this man.

17:16 Dude.

17:17 But that's the end of that story. Good luck, OP.

17:21 Good luck. My girlfriend hid her pregnancy for a month, then told me in the worst way possible.

17:30 Oh, no.

17:30 She did the skywriting thing.

17:32 Man, I, 33 male, am humiliated but also emotional right now. I've been dating this girl, 24 female, for seven months, but we had three short breakups during that time.

17:44 Oh, seven months and three breakups? That is not good.

17:49 Yeah, talk about keeping the relationship spicy, I guess.

17:53 Yep.

17:54 Never know what's going to happen. So we are currently still together, but took a week off of seeing each other just because I got really busy at work. We communicate maybe once a day. And today my receptionist said I received a fax, which is weird.

18:09 A fax?

18:10 What year is this? It's 2002.

18:13 I don't know.

18:15 I never use the fax machine to send things. I have never received a fax before.

18:20 This is like if someone shows up with a telegram and they're like, I've got a telegram for you.

18:23 This is a pigeon flies into the window. Oh, we got a message order for dear John. Stop. Stop.

18:32 I'm pregnant.

18:33 Stop. It is not something I would use at work. We have company email. So I look at the fax cover sheet. It is to me, as expected, my girlfriend's name is written. It is clearly her handwriting. The memo was, I hope we can discuss this. Cannot call now. This is really reading as stop right now.

18:56 Literally, yeah. I hope we can discuss this.

18:58 Stop.

18:59 Cannot call now.

19:00 Stop.

19:01 Bye.

19:02 Let's talk tomorrow.

19:03 Stop.

19:05 I turned the page and saw a really low quality picture of what appeared to be made from a picture of a pregnancy test.

19:12 Oh.

19:13 Getting faxed machine a pregnancy test is crazy work.

19:16 Oh my goodness.

19:17 It was positive.

19:18 Oh.

19:20 Below it she wrote, four weeks ago.

19:23 Oh.

19:25 Next is a printout of some sort of a medical facility. I don't know. Maybe an OBGYN. It is official. She is pregnant and is apparently known for four weeks. By the way, this comes from you slash uncomfortable indeed. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. My name is Mike.

19:45 I'm Sophia.

19:46 And today we're going to read this story, but we don't have all the answers. and we're going to give advice, but we don't always know all the answers. It's true. So if you guys know anything or have some piece of advice, leave it down in the comments below.

19:59 Do it.

19:59 As OP says, I have tried to call her about 20 times since then, but I do not get an answer. However, I do not think this is someone I want to marry. I also am really hurt with the way she told me. She told me such huge news via fax of all methods.

20:17 Yeah.

20:17 Heck, even a text message would have been better than that.

20:20 Well, she clearly didn't want to talk to you.

20:23 Yeah, yeah. Sending a fax isn't like, hey, this is like the.

20:30 This is a conversation I want to have.

20:32 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:33 Oh, man.

20:33 It's like, this is the news, and do with that what you will. I'm not talking to you.

20:39 This is that's it for you. You know, she had to have known that my receptionist, who was one of the most gossipy people on earth, would see it. Not an hour later, I had five or six coworkers congratulate me on the news.

20:53 Oh, no, this is terrible. This is like, hey, thank you.

20:58 My work mom lectured me for about 10 minutes on how I need to be a good father and how I need to marry this girl. There are employees there who I do not talk to much, but I can tell that they know. I don't think that it is the pregnancy thing that they care about, but the facts part of things. Amen.

21:16 And me too.

21:17 Yeah.

21:17 I just am not sure what to do.

21:20 Reddit.

21:21 Do I have a right to be upset about this and the way that she handled it? What do I even say to her? I understand if it was hard for her to tell me, but a fax that she knew would be seen.

21:32 Yeah, for real.

21:33 How do I explain this to my family? And can I truly be a good father?

21:38 Fax them. I don't know.

21:40 Send a fax back.

21:41 Yeah.

21:42 Yeah. Just return the fax. Just be like, oh my God. Yeah. You fax her if you're excited or you're just like, you're not, you're scared.

21:51 Yeah, exactly. That's what fax machines are for.

21:53 Yeah. Should do that.

21:54 This is tough.

21:56 Yeah. What are we thinking, Sophia?

21:58 I don't know. I feel like I can't tell you if you'll be a good father. You kind of have to figure that one on your own.

22:04 Yeah.

22:04 But you don't have to marry her.

22:05 That is true. You don't have to.

22:07 You could just kind of co-parent.

22:09 But can I tell you this?

22:10 Yeah.

22:11 Like, I don't know if this is like, this is maybe just like my background. This does seem very like immigrant, like just like scenario to where it's just like, it's the, well, not the fax machine. Like definitely not that. But just, like, it's the getting pregnant, you know, getting pregnant. It's on accident, which I assume it's an accident. She doesn't know. Like, nobody knows what to do in this scenario.

22:37 Yeah.

22:38 You got the Cheeseman gossip workers over there, you know. But, like, I don't know. I feel like you just decide what you want to do.

22:49 Yeah. You somehow get in contact with her. You say, hey, what are we doing? VFX.

22:53 Yeah, VFX.

22:54 You say, hey, what are we doing?

22:55 Whatever.

22:56 And then you go back to your family and say, hey, I might be having a kid. And I need your help.

23:02 Ooh, I kind of messed up here. Yeah.

23:06 And then you wear protection from now on.

23:08 Yeah.

23:09 Wrap it up.

23:09 Yep.

23:10 So we got an edit. I am literally nauseated. And my supervisor, who also knew from the gossip, tells me that this is not a medical emergency and will dock my pay if I leave. Of course he did. I am a wreck. We got another edit. Edit two. I need some time to decompress, I think. But right now, I just see no way I can stay with her considering this. Maybe after we talk and she explains herself, but she is still not answering my calls. She's probably just scared.

23:39 Yeah, she's probably dealing with it herself. She's like, I don't know how to do this.

23:43 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I texted one of her friends who says she is still at work. and she told me she would give her a message to call me. I did not tell her any details. Also, to the idiots who are PMing me, telling me to just dump her, and it's like, yeah, okay, thank you. As one person put it, Just let her be a single mom. Jesus Christ, stop.

24:04 That is not helpful. Maybe that is how you would handle things. I won't. Updates. She did not respond to any of my texts on the day in question or the next day. I was waiting. How quick is this update? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

24:19 Good point.

24:20 Yeah, I don't know. This could be like two hours from now.

24:23 She hasn't responded. I haven't heard anything.

24:26 I was waiting for her at her apartment when she got home. She told me she didn't want to talk, but I gently insisted. She invited me in and I did my best to hide how livid I was. I realized that some of you doubted she was pregnant in the first place. While that accusation seemed odd to me at the first time, I figured I would approach her about it first. As I figured, and I never really doubted in spite of the skepticism here, she is indeed pregnant.

24:53 I mean, she sent a picture of the pregnancy test.

24:56 Yeah, also true.

24:57 Yeah.

24:57 We had a pregnancy. And we also had the OBGYN report. Yeah.

25:02 We had a lot of proof.

25:03 I don't think we're faking any medical documents over here.

25:05 I don't think there was any doubt about that.

25:08 Yeah, but what do doctors know anyway?

25:11 Doctors are liars.

25:13 They are nothing but. That's what Reddit says.

25:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:16 They are nothing but. big fat liars from Redditor. I hate doctors. She was a bit annoyed, but she said she understood and went with it. She said she would like for us to co-parent. However, she said that if I wanted nothing to do with the child, she would be devastated, but would not put up a fight and would not even seek child support. I assured her that only a complete irresponsible man, piece of trash would accept such an offer. And I'm not into that.

25:47 Okay, good, Opie.

25:48 All right, go off, King. Hell yeah. I definitely want to try my best to co-parent. She has promised to remain in the area, and I am invited to all of her appointments. All right, there you go. I asked her if she was sleeping with anybody else during the time period in question. She said no, and she said something to the effect of, trust me, it is your kid.

26:10 Without further prompting, she told me we could do a paternity test any time. including during the pregnancy and that she would pay for it and asked me to pay for half when I could say if I turn out to be the father. But I'll be I'll be honest with you. This sounds like this sounds like. she's a bad chick bro she knows how to handle herself get her money I.

26:31 Feel like I mean the relationship seems to not be good but like it seems like she's handling.

26:35 This pretty well she's handling it pretty good she's.

26:37 Like you don't have to I'll be sad but you know also too you want to know what I like about her though that she's standing on business you know what I mean Take it.

26:46 As a job. She's like, bro, I will pay. You're sounding stupid right now, but I will pay just to like, it's your kid. You know?

26:55 Yeah.

26:55 This is your kid. That is the result I expect, but I will do it just to be sure. Concerning the fax thing. Okay, cool. She was dumbfounded that I had a problem with this. Okay.

27:06 So funny.

27:07 She's like, what?

27:09 You don't fax all the time?

27:10 Wait, I thought we still faxed today.

27:12 I thought everybody faxed.

27:13 I thought everybody faxed. She said that it was the easiest way to get the paperwork. Some people mention text too. Text works.

27:22 A picture. A picture, yes. Also does the job.

27:27 Some people mentioned her printing an ultrasound from somewhere online.

27:31 It wasn't an ultrasound.

27:32 It was the OBGYN report. Yeah. It did not include an ultrasound. She has not had one yet.

27:39 It's been a month.

27:40 So that was speculation. She sent a few pages from the OBGYN. I asked her why she didn't tell me by phone, text, email, just wait until I was done. She said, and I quote, I wanted to make sure Nancy knew. Nancy is my... Who's Nancy?

27:57 Well, I think we're about to find out.

27:58 We're about to find out, right? Nancy is my ex-girlfriend who is good friends with the receptionist.

28:03 Damn. She's messy.

28:06 Yo.

28:07 She's like, fax is just really... It's just a really good way to send things. And also, I wanted your ex to know.

28:14 Yeah. But also, dude, I like that kind of petty, though.

28:17 Yeah.

28:18 I low-key like that kind of petty.

28:20 I'm just asserting my dominance.

28:21 Right? So... Nancy is continuously trying to get back together with me. Oh, that's what it is. I knew she was doubling down for some reason, bro. I knew she was doubling down. She's good.

28:34 She's good.

28:37 Oh, my God.

28:37 She's on top of everything.

28:38 Dude. Tell me about it.

28:41 She's playing chess, man.

28:42 Yeah.

28:43 So this is a way to try to tell her to back off. I would have gladly told Nancy myself, though. I'm about 95 percent no contact with her. Not a hundred, though. She told me that the gossip around the office was juvenile and that I should just ignore it. Somewhere in the conversation, she leaned in to kiss me and to try to initiate spicy stuff. I declined and backed away.

29:09 All right, dude.

29:10 Not the time, girl. We're talking about our new kid.

29:15 So this caused her to start crying and then told me that she also did not think we should be romantically involved anymore. She is all over the place, dude. I agreed with her. Eventually, I left pretty upset about the whole thing. and still trying to figure out how to best handle the future. About an hour later, she sent me a text telling me that she loved me and saying that when she told me she wanted to end things that she thought I would ask her to stay.

29:41 She didn't do it to test me. She just wanted to feel important to me. I chalked it up to pregnancy hormones, but who knows? I cannot trust her again. Just the fact that she doesn't see the big deal of sending a fax. OK, I don't think that's the big deal, bro.

29:56 Yeah. Yeah. Just going back one more time.

29:59 One more time about the fax machine, though. You know, it's like, brother. OK, get over it. So not the big deal of sending a fax machine and knowing she did it intentionally to get to Nancy is ridiculous. I didn't think it was to make it public like it had, but I expected it was more than just being the best way to send information. I don't think we can wrap this up. We talked about it. I think we talked about it. I think like he's not really being considerate of just like, yeah, you know what I mean?

30:29 Yeah, I agree. I think pregnancy hormones can be a lot. And also she just found out.

30:36 Yeah.

30:37 And it was not planned.

30:39 Yeah.

30:40 I do think there may be not the right for each other romantically given everything that's happening.

30:46 Well, I would say probably give them about like two more breakups and then they should be good.

30:49 And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it two more tries and then we'll know for sure.

30:55 Yeah.

30:56 But I think at least try and have some sort of amicable relationship so that you can like co-parent.

31:02 Yeah.

31:03 That's it.

31:04 All right, man. Got to meet in the middle sometimes.

31:06 Yeah.

31:06 She do well there is an update we are going no contact for a bit but I did send her flowers confusing well there you go I cannot say that I love her and I cannot say that I will be able to look past this. I do, however, have to be, this guy is, oh man. This is such a, it's such like an on and off. Yeah.

31:29 I don't know the flowers and the, I don't know.

31:31 Yeah.

31:32 You know?

31:32 Yeah. The flowers is kind of like.

31:34 I think he just needs a minute. I think she's all over the place a little bit and he's also all.

31:38 Over the place.

31:38 Yeah. Yeah. Also true. Also true. They're both all over the place.

31:42 Yeah.

31:42 Maybe they are perfect for each other.

31:44 Yeah, maybe actually taking it back.

31:46 Yeah.

31:47 Let's get back together.

31:47 Let's get back. And that's number six, folks.

31:50 Yes.

31:51 I do, however, have to be a good parent. I also learned that there are some awesome people on this subreddit, but also some very cynical ones. Still, I appreciated both sides. So now, what do I do? He later updated with an edit. Someone asked about work. Everything has calmed down for the most part, thankfully. It is business as usual.

32:13 It was a running joke for a bit, but I came in on Monday and most people didn't say anything about it.

32:18 Okay, cool. They've got something else to focus on.

32:20 Yeah.

32:21 Eventually, there's going to be new workplace drama.

32:23 There always is.

32:24 Yeah.

32:25 Always is. So the receptionist, administrative assistant, is always annoying in general, but she seems to be especially judgmental now. I guess now that I realize the Nancy angle, it makes sense. I didn't even think about it. My boss even voluntarily told me that if I needed to take some days off for appointments that he understood, which was pretty cool of him. I had never really seen that side.

32:48 And that is that story.

32:50 That is a big switch up from him being like, you can't take any time off.

32:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:55 It's just a medical emergency.

32:56 You're not allowed to leave.

32:58 Dude, that is so true. I forgot about that.

33:01 Yeah. All right, then.

33:02 All right, boss.

33:03 All right.

33:03 Sure.

33:04 All right.

33:05 Get some paid time off, I guess.

33:06 Well.

33:07 Good luck, OP.

33:08 Yeah, best of luck.

33:09 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axolotl host here.

33:17 We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

33:22 My girlfriend stopped supporting my career and I blamed her parents for it.

33:27 Good, go after the elders.

33:29 Gee Ann and I have been together since she was in middle school and I was in high school. She is the best friend of my little sister and I have known her since elementary school pretty much.

33:39 Wow, I actually hate that a lot. Anyway, I have always been in love with music.

33:45 Thank God.

33:46 Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought that was going to get even worse.

33:49 For a second.

33:50 When I turned 18, I got booked to DJ at a.

33:54 Skating rink in town. Gianne supported me like crazy. For the next few years, she came to listen to my sets no matter where I was currently booked. Her parents, on the other hand, haven't been quite so supportive. They think that I'm wasting my life and that I am not and never have been good enough for her. At one point, they forced her to go out on dates with other guys. They've been trying to separate us forever.

34:18 I kind of love that technique of like the, oh, yeah, for sure. If I make her go on dates with other guys, she won't even feel like more inclined to date that guy we don't like.

34:28 Telling your kids they can't do something never makes them want to do that thing twice as hard.

34:33 Exactly!

34:35 It's against the rules! That's why kids never break rules! Things changed after Jeanne graduated and started university. I've been getting more and more gigs and playing at bigger clubs. People have started to recognize me. I feel that my time is finally coming. Jeanne is not happy for me anymore, though.

34:56 She doesn't even come to listen to my sets. She always complains about money, and she complains that being a musician won't be enough to take care of our future children. She says that I can't take care of her this way. Last night, Jian finally said it. She said that it was time for me to grow up and get a real job.

35:14 Oh, God.

35:15 It's every DJ's worst nightmare.

35:18 She wants me to go and work at her father's Korean barbecue restaurant.

35:22 I don't know, bro. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me.

35:24 Yeah, like I don't know how much money Korean barbecue restaurants are making, but I feel like.

35:31 I've spent a pretty penny on Korean barbecue.

35:33 You've single-handedly kept them afloat.

35:36 I just might.

35:37 But I still feel like DJ, if he's getting bigger gigs, he's got to be making something.

35:42 Yeah, he's on the right trajectory. By the way.

35:48 This comes from user ElectronicDanceMagic. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

35:55 I'm Dakota.

35:55 And I'm Adrian.

35:56 And I'm Savannah.

35:57 And it's our job to oomph oomph our way through this story and give some good advice goofily. But we don't have all of your DJ answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says... Her saying this just tells me that her parents finally got to her. They finally turned her against me.

36:15 Okay, Anakin Skywalker.

36:17 I was gonna say. It's over. She has the high ground.

36:23 She knows that this has been my dream forever. I support the fact that she wants to go to college and get into crippling debt and try to become a vet.

36:32 Do you support that? Because it sounds like you're a little bitter about it.

36:35 So if I support that, she should support me too, right? And by the way, my genre is EDM. I do play other types of music if I get booked for a wedding or a quinceanera or something. How do I convince her that my dream is valid and that even though I'm barely scraping by, With hard work, I can build a life for us both with my music.

36:54 And there is an update. I have bad news for you, pal. The way that you prove it is by being like, I'm sorry you feel that way, Gian. I wish you the best.

37:01 And then you become that guy and you live the rest of your life.

37:05 That's how you do it.

37:06 Yeah.

37:07 He was a skater boy and she said, See you later, boy.

37:10 Bro, she's saying see you later, boy, right now.

37:12 Right now. You're in the see you later, boy phase.

37:15 And I don't know if you've heard the rest of that song, but by the end of it, you're a superstar, dude.

37:19 She's seeing you on TV.

37:21 Yeah.

37:22 Yeah.

37:22 So think about that. But, you know, it's never good to have hate in your heart. So don't do it with hate, but use it as fuel, dude. Like, honestly, people, the artists need that. Artists need that fuel.

37:32 Sometimes there's that thing where you're like, I'm going to show them, you know, and you can use it.

37:37 That's what make great artists, the struggles that they go through, not when they're all happy and loving and me, me, me, me.

37:42 It's more like my life sucks. I'm going to write something about it.

37:45 Yeah.

37:46 This guy's going to make the greatest set.

37:48 List of all time. Just straight bangers.

37:52 Update.

37:52 So after work last Saturday night, I was talking to some of the club security about my problem. This guy, Jose, said that I should come and work with him at his job. He's a painter, and he said that his company is in need of helpers. The schedule works with my DJ schedule, too. It's Monday to Friday, 6 a.m.

38:09 to 2.30, and Saturday, 5 a.m. to 11 a.m. The work was not too hard. It's mostly just standing around, holding onto a hose, mixing paint, and cleaning brushes. Sometimes I would hold onto a ladder or something. The job comes with health, dental, and vision, with a 40% copay and a 401k. 4% all in.

38:28 Yo, are you still hiring? Cause like hook a brother up.

38:32 It's like, you got to hold a hose and fill a bucket and mix paint.

38:36 401k for a painting job. It's crazy.

38:38 Hey dude.

38:39 I mean, talk about, yeah, the blue collars are up. Not sure what that means, but it's 401k.

38:46 It means you have $ 401, 000. No, but okay.

38:50 I used to think that until like way too recently.

38:54 Like not even a year ago.

38:55 30 seconds before this stream started.

38:59 I just never, I was like, it made sense.

39:02 I mean, that sounds like a good amount of money you want to have before you retire.

39:05 It's a really specific number to pick if you're not going to actually give me 401k. I'm like, maybe they got it.

39:11 Once they get to 401, it stops. Yeah.

39:14 Yeah, why would they lie?

39:15 It's just the name of the form. It's just the name of the form.

39:18 Well, that's false advertisement.

39:22 Okay.

39:23 So I took a picture of myself in my new uniform, orange rubber work boots, white coveralls, orange rubber gloves. and a respirator. I sent the picture to GN saying, check out my new uniform. I didn't expect her to respond at 6 a.m., but she did.

39:37 She didn't believe me at first.

39:38 And when she finally did.

39:40 She told me that I needed to come to her house directly after work because there was something important that we needed to talk about. So, after work, I went to see Jeanne. Her family went out for breakfast to give us time to talk. She congratulated me on the job. She said that she knew I could do it and that she loved me. She also apologized for her attitude the past couple of months. She said she needed to tell me something. She has wanted to tell me for a while, but she was too afraid.

40:08 Working as a DJ... It's amazing, she said.

40:10 She said that she knows I'm very talented and that given enough time, I could be huge. The problem is there isn't enough time anymore.

40:18 Oh, no.

40:19 Then she told me she's pregnant.

40:22 Oh, boy.

40:23 At this point, she starts crying. She is sobbing so hard that I can hardly understand her. She says to me that she's so sorry that she must have missed a day taking birth control and that she didn't realize it until it.

40:35 Was too late.

40:36 I asked her if she was sure and she said yes. She has been to a doctor, and it was not a false positive. I tried to hug her and tell her it's going to be okay. I tell her there are options.

40:48 She cries even harder. Yeah, I don't know if I would have led with that, brother.

40:50 Yeah, that feels like a second or third conversation, not right off the top.

40:55 I think maybe you just go, you know, I support whatever your decision is.

41:00 This, you know, I'm not like, well, you know.

41:05 Statistics say. You know, if you.

41:07 Really think my DJ career could take off, there is something. There are options.

41:12 Anyway, she pretty much screams no in my ear. She's going to keep the baby. She just stayed in my arms, sobbing for a little while. I was the first person she told.

41:22 Oh.

41:23 Oh.

41:23 So her parents didn't even know.

41:25 Parents don't know yet.

41:27 I was thinking that, too. I was like, they probably knew. That's why they left, to give them some space. But I guess not.

41:32 That's gonna, the parents who don't think you're good enough for their daughter?

41:36 Oh boy. They're not gonna love that.

41:38 She had been dealing with this all on her own for months. I thought she just put on a little weight and I didn't want to mention it.

41:47 Good for you, I guess. I guess that's right. That's the right way to go about that.

41:51 I had been blaming her for changing on me and for trying to change me into something I'm not. And after all this, I felt like a massive dummy. After Gian calmed down, she explained a little more. She said she was going to leave school. She would work in her dad's restaurant until she had the baby in order to save money. Then we could get a place together since my place is too small for two people and a baby. She wanted me to come with her when she broke the news to her family and she would come with me when I told mine. She said she's proud of me that I got a day job with benefits and she apologized to me again for ruining everything.

42:26 I tried to tell her that it isn't her fault and that everything would be fine. I can tell, though, that she really is blaming herself. Last night, we had dinner with all of the parents together. We told them everything about the baby, about my job, about her deciding to quit school. My parents took things okay. They have always loved Gianne. They wanted us to have children together one day. They expressed disappointment that we made a mistake like this right now, and they know it will be hard, but they think that we can handle it.

42:55 I mean, any closing thought? I mean, I'm optimistic.

42:57 Yeah, I think, you know, life comes at you fast sometimes, but it seems like they're moving forward.

43:06 Yeah, I think that you're in a good spot.

43:09 And, you know, I mean, you want to make sure you're taking care of Jeanne, and especially once the baby's here, you got to make sure you're.

43:15 Taking care of the baby.

43:16 But until then, if you really are talented and good at this DJ thing, the potential upside for that is pretty good.

43:25 If you've got the chaps, you know? Sure.

43:28 Yeah.

43:29 Take care of the baby during the day. Rock the club at night.

43:31 Right.

43:32 That's a good setup.

43:33 I mean, if the money's right, the money's right.

43:35 I've heard some of the numbers, you know, sought after DJs get, and it is great money.

43:43 401k money. Yeah, exactly.

43:46 But like actually 401k.

43:47 Yes.

43:47 $ 401, 000.

43:47 Yeah.

43:53 Okay, let's see how Jian's parents take the news. Jian's parents were not so understanding. They berated her for being so irresponsible. Her father said that she is disgraceful. And I could tell that she wanted to cry, but she held it in and only apologized more for our mistake. Her father said that they would not support her anymore.

44:14 He gave her until the baby is born to move out. As of right then, though, she wouldn't receive one single dime that she didn't work for herself. It seemed like her mother was going to say something different, but he shushed her with a sideways glance. Things are going to be harder than ever for me. I will be working harder than I ever have in my life, but at least I have a reason. I still refuse to give up music, though. I didn't tell her that I saved up $ 5, 000 in the last few years for an engagement ring.

44:40 Maybe I should use what I have and get her a ring. I really doubt she will say no now.

44:45 Oh, okay.

44:46 I trapped her. That's one way to think about that.

44:50 Let's maybe instead of buying a ring for $ 5, 000, we put that away for the baby, right?

44:57 Yeah, or for rent on that new place you're going to need.

44:59 Yeah, literally anything except the engagement ring. We can take care of that later.

45:04 Yeah, you can still propose, but like, you know.

45:07 I got this for like 70 bucks.

45:10 Go.

45:11 Go. Get that.

45:12 It's pretty. I like it.

45:12 It's the thought that counts.

45:14 Yes.

45:15 And I would appreciate it.

45:16 If I was her, I would appreciate it if you were thinking about saving that money for our baby.

45:21 Um, yeah.

45:22 So good luck on your burgeoning music career and your burgeoning fatherhood and also low key, like getting the job for the painting company. Dude, every single guy you work with is going to support you so heavy for being like a father at your age. They are going to have your back all the time.

45:41 I guarantee it.

45:41 And that's what you need because it takes a village.

45:43 Truly.

45:44 Yeah.

45:44 As I say, and you have a village full of painters.

45:47 They can paint you a better life.

45:49 Yes. Yes, there's some poetry in there somewhere.

45:53 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

45:56 My girlfriend sent private photos to multiple people. So I ended it right there. This was private.

46:03 My girlfriend, 20 female, and I, 21 male, have been dating for just over a year now.

46:09 She wanted to get her nips pierced for a while now, and a few weeks ago, she went through with it.

46:14 She talked about this pretty openly with a lot of her friends, which seemed kind of strange to me, but it's not really my business what she talks about, so I didn't really care. A couple days ago, I happened to be looking over her shoulder as she was texting one of her friends, and I saw that she was texting a topless photo of herself.

46:30 Okay, I will say, from my friends who have experienced this... Not that they sent this to me, but like from my friends who have experienced, like I have, I think I know multiple people who have done this and they all say, yeah, no, I want it. I was sending like pictures of them so that everyone could like, I was showing people. Yeah. Cause you were like, why, why, why would you get them if you didn't want to show them? So unless she's sending these to like male friends, but sorry, what were you saying? No, I like to send all of my body parts to my sisters.

46:59 My sister literally, actually, it's funny that we say this because my sister said she just got new nip things, whatever.

47:06 You're really putting your sister on blast. She's fine. She would show up.

47:11 She would.

47:14 But she just sent us. She's like, I took a really good picture for my boyfriend.

47:19 Which kind of makes.

47:20 And you guys have to see it because it's probably the best photo I've taken.

47:24 So I feel like it's not that crazy that OP is out here... sending picture or no sorry OP's girlfriend is sending pictures to friends so I like that's not that crazy.

47:33 I I think it is crazy just invite him over yeah.

47:36 Sure show him but like if you but like if it's a male friend different but if it's like your girlfriends i there is there is different it's like a different.

47:45 Vibe yeah if it's guy friends and i'm like yeah like i don't think guy friends do this but like girlfriends are very we're very open i at least yeah i am with my friends.

47:54 Okay i'm very open i change all the time in front of everyone like i've had friends who've been like hey look at this picture and i'm like okay thanks i do not care yeah um I confronted her about this, and she told me that she was showing him her new piercings. And there we have it. Is this a straight male friend? Because now, you know, I really was trying.

48:15 I was sticking my neck out for her, and they just chopped it.

48:19 I got pretty angry and asked her how many times she'd done this, and she showed me her recent texts. From what I could tell, she sent photos to five guys and six girls. Oh!

48:30 They might as well have been there when she did it.

48:34 Uh, I basically flipped out and asked her why the heck she thought I would be okay with that.

48:39 Yeah.

48:39 And she said it was totally non, non-schmexual. And she didn't see why it was a big deal.

48:44 Well, because you are telling her it's a big deal.

48:47 True.

48:47 It might not be non-schmexual for her, but it is a big deal for you.

48:51 Yeah. Uh, we fought about it for a few minutes and she apologized, but didn't even seem to realize why I was so upset.

49:00 What should I do here? Am I right to be upset about this?

49:03 By the way, this comes from Relationship Throw 51, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the rslashokstorytime subreddit.

49:09 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

49:10 I'm Riley.

49:11 And we hate to talk.

49:12 About some stuff and, you know, comment on some things, but we don't have all your answers. We're only going to tell you what we would.

49:17 Do, but let us know what you'd do down in them comments.

49:20 It would be one thing if it was just her female friends, but the thought that five other guys had just seen my girlfriend's chest and have photos of her to add to their personal spanks seriously bothers me.

49:33 Super fair.

49:34 Super fair.

49:35 And she doesn't even see what's wrong with it.

49:36 She's bank.

49:37 That's what they call it. Yeah, that's crazy. Pretty famously.

49:41 What?

49:42 I know some of these guys and the thought that they've all seen my girlfriend in such an intimate way really pisses me off.

49:48 Really pees me off.

49:51 These weren't even just pics of her nips. They were full body pics of her wearing just sweatpants with her face in full view. She basically offered to show them without them even having to ask, which makes it even worse in my opinion. Yeah, I can see why this would be taking the wrong way.

50:11 Yeah, it's just the, yeah. I mean, again, I can see how she might have thought, well, I'm comfortable, but I just don't understand how she couldn't have even considered OP's feelings. Yeah. Or even still hasn't considered them.

50:24 I would Thanos snap myself away.

50:27 I really don't know what to do here. And there's an update six days later.

50:30 Yeah.

50:32 Oh, cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out.

50:35 Break up.

50:35 Yeah.

50:36 Break up or find all five of those guys, make them lose their memory, and.

50:41 Stay with her. Do the Men in Black mind wipe update six days later.

50:46 After taking a day to think about it, I decided to talk to her like a lot of people were suggesting. I brought up that I was really angry about what she did and it violated my personal boundaries. She asked what the problem was and I told her that I wasn't comfortable with her sending those kind of messages to other guys while we were dating.

51:04 She just said that I had nothing to worry about and it was totally non-schmectual. And then you go, for you, for you. But you cannot guarantee that all five of those men that you sent it to consider it non-schmexual. And I don't consider it that. They're like, yeah. Yes, this is totally non-schmexual. Maybe they could be great guys, but we don't know.

51:27 I feel like that would also cause, if, say, the five other guys were in relationships, that would cause a rift.

51:32 Yeah, yeah. Are any of these men in relationships?

51:35 Oh my gosh, did that happen? I'm calling my girlfriend immediately and telling her what happened.

51:39 Well, also, it's concerning. Honestly, I think it is really rude on this girl's end because OP said they didn't even ask. That's true. Yeah, she just sent a, I don't know where. Which is totally inappropriate if she didn't say, hey, can I send you a pic? Imagine them working their accounting job and all of a sudden be like, oh.

51:55 Oh.

51:56 Whoa.

51:57 Oh. Oh.

51:59 Did that hurt?

52:00 Wow.

52:00 That's a bunch of zeros.

52:01 Like the colors. Yeah.

52:03 I was getting pretty angry at that point, so I just told her that even if.

52:07 She really felt that way, it was still a serious problem for me. I think, honestly, it's just the communication. And she refuses to compromise, understand you. And she's making this.

52:19 She's... manipulating you in a way that is more like it's not that big of a deal when it is a big deal especially to you like you can't if someone finds something a big deal the worst thing you can say is calm it's not a big deal yeah calm down it's not a big deal calm down it's not a big deal like now i just want to beat you yeah and also elevate everything else to being the biggest deal just to prove you wrong.

52:42 Yeah right now that's how opie.

52:43 Feels he's going yeah She asked me why I was so obsessed with this, and I just kind of flipped out and told her to knock it off or we were done.

52:52 She asked me to calm down. I'm telling you.

52:54 I'm telling you.

52:55 And there it is. That's the first sign of the eruption. He already snapped.

52:59 Yeah.

53:00 And now you're like, calm down, girl. No, no, no, no, no.

53:04 Mm-mm.

53:04 She asked me to calm down and still didn't seem to understand why I was so upset. I was getting really annoyed that she kept expecting me to explain something this obvious. So I just broke up with her right there.

53:16 Whoa.

53:17 Yeah.

53:17 I saw her coming a mile away. Fair.

53:20 She seemed a little upset and asked if I was sure and said it was a pretty dumb thing to break up over.

53:25 Don't really think that's too dumb.

53:27 No. I just said I was sure and walked away. I think I made the right decision. I tried a couple times, but she really didn't seem to give any Fs. So walking away was the best choice I had. There are a million other girls out there who aren't crazy.

53:41 Yeah.

53:42 Yes.

53:43 That's true.

53:44 And for context, OP is 21. Girlfriend is 20.

53:47 Yeah.

53:48 You'll find someone else. Don't you worry, OP. You've only been with this girl for like a year.

53:52 Yeah, a year.

53:53 Yeah, yeah.

53:54 You'll find someone else.

53:56 Yeah.

53:56 Yeah.

53:57 I mean, it stinks, but, you know, that's kind of when you start to show true colors.

54:01 Yeah, when you tell someone that they hurt you and they just dig their heels in and they refuse to admit.

54:07 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

54:11 My boyfriend's 10-day trip is with his ex-fiance, and he never told me. Ooh, that's prick-worthy. I, 53 female, have been seeing a guy, 59 male, for the last three months, and we have been getting closer and closer, especially over the last few weeks. He told me he dates with the intention of marriage and has been single for a while.

54:33 While looking for the right person, I have been single for the last eight years by choice. When I met him, he ticked a lot of boxes and I decided to give it a go. He invited me to go on a trip with him in September and I agreed to go because I felt like this relationship was moving in a good direction. There has been a lot of talks of future plans for trips and the fun things we'll do this summer. Three weeks ago, he mentioned that he had an upcoming album. 10-day trip planned to Canada. He told me he had originally booked the trip himself, but that he had a friend who lived in Washington and she was going to come up and meet him. He was very casual about it and gave me the impression that maybe she was joining him for a couple of days.

55:11 By the way, this comes from SquirrelUnusual4280, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

55:19 I'm Riley.

55:20 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says, just last week, he shared with me that he was engaged about five years ago. He had told me a great deal what happened with all of his marriages, but gave me a very vague explanation of what went wrong with the engagement. He just said things didn't work out. He told me she had moved here from the West Coast when they got engaged. And when they broke it off, she moved back to Washington. I realized in that moment that the person coming to meet him on his trip was probably his ex-fiance.

55:52 And because you're so smart, you connected it.

55:54 You connected the freaking dots. He had several other opportunities to tell me it was her, but he didn't. When I asked him who was joining him and for how long, he said her name. I knew her name because he still had pictures of them together on Facebook, and he still did not say, When I asked him how he met this person, pretending I still didn't have any inkling of who he was traveling with, He just told me vaguely they had met through mutual hiking friends. Again, still did not say ex-fiance. No. You're about to have another ex, buddy.

56:32 Yeah, you got to rip the band-aid off. Why are you trying to dance around it? I already know.

56:36 Marriages and a failed engagement after those three marriages. There's a reason why this guy is not with anyone. He's not learning anything.

56:45 Yeah.

56:46 I understand he may have made plans with her before things progressed with me, but he could have explained that to me with full transparency. To me, he is lying by omission and it feels very deceitful. I sent him a text letting him know how I feel and I still haven't heard back from him. He's about to get on a plane and leave for 10 days. I'm most upset about the lack of transparency because that makes me feel like there's something he's hiding somewhere. Advice? And we have an update. What do you think Opie should do?

57:12 Call him out.

57:13 Call him out.

57:13 Call him out immediately.

57:14 I wouldn't even break up because I wouldn't like, I would want him to like try to be like, oh, I'll fix it. Like I wouldn't break up immediately because I would want to see like what he's going to do to try to like figure this out.

57:26 He is 59. Yeah.

57:28 By the way.

57:28 He's too old to be up to these shenanigans.

57:31 Yeah.

57:31 And he's been married three times. Had an ex-fiance.

57:34 I don't know.

57:34 I know he checks a lot of your boxes, but that's worrisome.

57:38 Well, clearly, yeah. He's clearly a charmer. He just hasn't. He's a charmer, but he's not a committer.

57:43 Yeah.

57:44 Charmer, not committer. But we have an update. I sent him a text calling him out and letting him know I was done. yeah he did respond with arrogance which further underscored why i am all set with this guy i'm editing to add how he responded he totally gaslit me he said we had had a clear conversation about it once which we did not he drip fed me information until i finally connected the dots the day before yesterday and he felt that was sufficient so he didn't feel the need to bring it up again then he told me that the stance i was taking on this was disturbing to him i'm sorry what now What's disturbing, Savannah?

58:19 That's crazy to say.

58:23 He said, it's disturbing that you are breaking up with me when I lied about going to go on a trip with my ex.

58:30 Yeah, he said, your take on this is disturbing. The fact that you want to break up because I lied? Disturbing. I thought you were just going to take that. I thought you were going to be okay with this. Yeah. There's a little bit left. He's blocked. I'm feeling fine, and I'm just looking at my own part in the story and taking mental notes. Yes, three marriages and a failed engagement are definitely red flags, but he didn't speak poorly about any of his exes, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, probably because I was hopeful there was something good here. I unfortunately just met a new version of the same guy I've dated a million times before. Luckily, this time I caught it before it went much further. I have dated casually over the Lovely. Sure.

59:00 I hope he said, I don't need a man. I'm disturbed by your four failed marriages.

59:26 Yeah, man. Truthfully. Yeah. That's just, that's really disturbing.

59:30 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

59:34 I told my boyfriend not to ask my father for my hand.

59:38 He did anyway.

59:39 Don't even look at his hand. I, 25 female, have been dating my boyfriend, 25 male, for almost two years now. We met in college, and things have been an absolute dream so far. He's kind and supportive, comes from a great background, and has always put me first. We've always known that we both want to get married someday, and we've discussed at length what that means to us. And our views align for the most part. The problem is, he wants to ask my father for my hand in marriage.

1:00:06 For context, my father was the worst for everyone. In our household, I vividly remember the way the tone of the entire home shifted when we saw his car pull up in the driveway. My parents never got divorced. They're separated now but are more interested in keeping up appearances than actually going through the process of divorce. That being said, I had a rather ugly childhood. I don't think my boyfriend understands this as he grew up in a very loving and.

1:00:32 Supportive two-parent household. His parents are still very much in love today.

1:00:36 By the way, this comes from Important Talk 8808, and if you want to spend your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

1:00:42 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

1:00:44 I'm Riley.

1:00:45 And we're here to give some good advice, but we don't have all your answers. We're only going to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments.

1:00:51 As Opie says, I feel like we have the same combo fairly often.

1:00:55 Me.

1:00:56 Oh, when are you going to ask?

1:00:57 Him.

1:00:58 When I speak with your father?

1:01:00 Me.

1:01:00 I don't even speak to.

1:01:01 My father, and he hasn't had a hand in raising me outside of financial obligations since late middle school. He literally moved out of our family home to get away from us. I don't feel comfortable with that.

1:01:11 Him.

1:01:11 Well, I've got to do it the right way. I'm still going to propose regardless, so it doesn't even matter what his answer is. Why does it matter if you ask him? Yeah, then don't ask him.

1:01:21 Me so why even do it then we go around and round in circles like that my final stance is this if after everything i've told you you still feel the need to ask him and do it the right way then you might as well just not propose see it's just listen when when she's talking just listen yeah just you know don't hear what she's saying don't yeah don't listen to respond just listen it's true Is this an unreasonable decision? I almost feel like he's not convinced that he's a bad person. I've already deemed my dad undeserving of participating in this convo. Why can't he accept that?

1:01:58 There's an update.

1:01:59 I don't know. I don't know. I don't think regardless of whether or not he thinks your dad is a good or bad person, it doesn't matter because you don't want that type of relationship with him.

1:02:10 It's just that this is like a strong stance. It is like a non-negotiable on OP's side. And he is just completely disregarding it. Like, well, it's important to me.

1:02:20 OK, well, that's not your problem. It's not your choice, actually.

1:02:24 Yeah, it's your choice to propose to me. But I'm telling you, I'm not even close with him. I don't want it to come back to me. I don't want anything to do with him. Why would you bring up that trauma for me? Yeah, would he even be going to the wedding?

1:02:34 Exactly. Yeah, probably not. And that would be a whole big thing, probably. Because now he knows that there is a wedding. You know? Yeah.

1:02:40 It's just like, I don't talk to him for a reason. He's out of our lives for a reason. Why are you forcing me to make amends with my dad? It makes you feel like high and mighty. Like, oh, I saved this family.

1:02:50 Like, screw you. All right. Piss me off. Piss me off. Piss me off. There's an update. So I ended up breaking up with him. Honestly, good.

1:03:00 I want to start off by saying thank you to anyone who replied to the last post. I'm someone who can be blinded by the good in people, but your comments put things into perspective for me. I did end up showing him the post and his initial reaction was that everyone commenting was a Single bitter witch.

1:03:15 Yeah.

1:03:16 Yeah. So he wasn't changing his stance at all, which is just so crappy to do.

1:03:21 Yeah.

1:03:22 I mean, like your partner asked you for one thing. No, one thing we say not to. One thing. Well, I have to.

1:03:28 Why?

1:03:29 For me, I just have to. For me, I want to. And I don't actually.

1:03:33 Yeah.

1:03:33 The thing where I'm proposing to you to have to be together with you and, you know, is really bad. literally just about our relationship together yeah I need to involve this guy that you hate.

1:03:44 Yeah I had never heard him speak about anyone that way. I guess the mask finally dropped. A couple of hours after that, he ended up saying, fine, I won't ask your dad, just your mom. This was definitely just an attempt to save things since he could tell I was being distant with him.

1:03:59 We dated for about another two months after that. I know, I know. I'd be the same way. I was trying to find ways to mend things because I'm a dummy. No, because you have a heart. Yeah. And you were about to marry this guy. Savannah, that was sweet. Well, I'm just saying you do.

1:04:16 Like you don't have to feel bad about yourself. You just want this guy to listen to you and he's not.

1:04:19 Yeah.

1:04:20 And then it's like, oh, now I have to be the bad guy for not wanting you to like, I don't know, ruin my life.

1:04:24 After the initial convo, I went through a fast track of realizations and saw that we were so misaligned in so many different ways. I'm not even sure how he had made it as far as we did. Eventually, it got to a point where I think he was just doing things to get me to break up with him since things clearly weren't working out. Some of those things include taking a trip and staying with a friend that regularly cheats on her boyfriend.

1:04:47 Oh my gosh.

1:04:48 Oh.

1:04:49 Saying, I didn't sign up for.

1:04:51 A therapy session every time I would try to talk through things.

1:04:54 I hate that. Oh my goodness.

1:04:57 Letting his phone battery drain every time he went out. Being overly cautious with his phone when we were previously pretty lax about opening each other's phones. Not in a snooping way, mainly for finding documents, responding to a text or email for one another, etc.

1:05:13 He's cheating.

1:05:14 Yeah.

1:05:15 So he obviously, like, it's... It's like the ego boost of just like, yeah, I'm going to do everything that you don't want me to do because I'm in charge here type of thing. And then when you stand up for yourself and they're like, oh, look at you being all high and mighty. Well, I'm going to show you by making you feel like crap and doing everything that you didn't want me to do.

1:05:37 So stupid when you're trying, like when this whole thing is about expressing love. It's all backwards.

1:05:43 Yeah.

1:05:43 Now it's like transactional and weirdly competitive. Like it's like, dude, I just didn't want you to ask my dad.

1:05:49 That's all. That's it. That was literally the only issue here. And then you had to spiral and make it 20 other issues. So yeah, I'm good here. See ya.

1:05:58 Bye.

1:05:58 Unfortunately, the list goes on, but I'd rather not relive all of that. Clearly he got what he wanted and deserved though.

1:06:05 He did the standard. Oh no, please. We can work this out.

1:06:08 Song and dance for a couple of weeks after I broke up with him. before finally giving up. I'm clearly not great at picking them, but I'm glad that I was able to get out of there before two years became ten years.

1:06:18 Oh, and that's it.

1:06:19 Wow.

1:06:20 Yeah.

1:06:20 Truthfully, you have to find, like, the blessing in disguise because you never know until you actually.

1:06:26 Take the leap of faith. And sometimes it doesn't work out. Other times it does.

1:06:29 Yeah.

1:06:30 And this time it didn't work out. And you only lost, what, two years?

1:06:33 You only lost two years of your life.

1:06:35 No, no, no, you know, harm no foul. Yeah. All good.

1:06:39 Yeah.

1:06:40 It's just it's unfortunate. But the thing is, you live and you learn and you were meant to go through that experience. And so now you come out stronger.

1:06:46 And yeah, now, you know, like, hey, these are things that I are important to me in the next relationship. Exactly. And you look for those signs and you don't repeat the pattern. You live and you learn.

1:06:55 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

1:06:59 My boyfriend and I bought a house together in his name. Then he cheated.

1:07:03 Oh, God.

1:07:04 This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. I, female 27 and male 29, have been together for eight years. Have been with my boyfriend. You just said that. For eight years. We're not married and we love each other very much. Well, usually when you say boyfriend, it implies that you're not married. Marriage is on the table in the future, including children. However, he has saved up a large deposit to buy a house and wants me to move in with him. He only wants to buy the house under his name only. He will be putting the deposit, $ 70, 000, towards the house and I will just move in and help with bills. The houses we are looking for are a little further away from our family and friends. I'm

1:07:43 not sure how I feel about this, as we have been together for eight years and feel it makes sense to buy together, regardless of him having the full deposit. If we love each other very much, he shouldn't be thinking of doing it on his own. By the way, this comes from SuspiciousOne1695. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

1:08:04 I'm Keon.

1:08:05 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says, help me solve the situation as I need to know if I'm doing the right thing moving in with him under the house he buys under his name, even though he's claiming that it would be our house.

1:08:21 And we've been together for eight years.

1:08:23 We know.

1:08:23 That's the fourth time now. Do we have any guesses how many times she's going to say that?

1:08:27 Eight years.

1:08:28 Eight times?

1:08:29 Eight times. One for each year. Opie, my immediate advice, don't do that. What's your immediate advice, Savannah? I'm going to have to go with don't do that as well. Don't do that. Keon?

1:08:40 Eight years.

1:08:40 Comments.

1:08:42 Butt flea.

1:08:42 No, say it.

1:08:43 Say it.

1:08:44 I can't. You can say ass flea.

1:08:46 Ass flea.

1:08:47 Ass flea.

1:08:48 Ass flea. You shouldn't buy a house with someone you aren't married to. So he's doing the right thing by securing the mortgage alone. But why aren't you engaged after eight years together? What's your timeline for that? Once you're married. is he planning to add you to the deed opie says we're both in uni up until three to four years ago and both our careers are starting to take off he wants to get married after he has secured a place for us to live but with the way it's expensive to buy a house alone I have suggested we go in it together as one to expand our chances.

1:09:19 But he's very adamant. He buys the house on his own since he's been saving up for this long. And it's been his dream to own his own house. I'm not sure how to think of it. And we do have an update two freaking years later. Oh, wow.

1:09:34 Two freaking years later. So that's now 10 years.

1:09:36 Yeah.

1:09:37 Wow.

1:09:38 Or still eight years.

1:09:38 What is 10 years?

1:09:40 What is 10 years for $ 300, 000?

1:09:42 Yeah, this is concerning. This is real concerning. I don't like it. Two years later. Hello, guys. It's been two years since my last Reddit post regarding my situation with my partner. I just thought I would fast forward two years. Since the post, we've bought a house together with both our names on the mortgage.

1:09:58 Oh.

1:09:59 And I contributed partly to the deposit. We have since done renovations to the house, which cost us a lot of money, nearly 150K pounds. And the house was close to finishing with renovations. Also to add, he has managed to get me into debt to help fund for the renovation process. Oh, yikes. Only reason I agreed was because we were doing this for us and our future. During this time, I brought up the topic of marriage several times, but his excuse was that he was waiting to propose once we move into our new home. I brushed this off and gave him the benefit of the doubt. However, three months ago, I found out he was having an affair with his work colleague, and this has been going on for six months now. He's stupid. Six months. Like, genuinely,

1:10:47 it's awful that he cheated on a relationship of 10 years, but also just a really dumb to do that after you bought a house with someone.

1:10:56 Yeah.

1:10:57 What an idiot. What do you think's gonna happen, man? Dummy. Big, ugly dummy.

1:11:03 Yeah.

1:11:04 I was completely devastated considering all we had gone through together and we had reached 10 years together. The worst part of it all is he said he wanted to keep us both. Whoa. He said he wanted to keep us both because he loves both of us and wanted to move this girl into the house. I put a majority of thought into making it a home.

1:11:22 Wait.

1:11:23 He wants to bring his affair partner into your home that you paid half of? So he should have asked for an open relationship.

1:11:33 Yeah. but knew that you would say no so just cheated on you and then thought when you found out he could just like explain it then and have her move in and everything would be fine and dandy and you.

1:11:43 Thought apparently so and he thought yeah everyone's gonna agree to.

1:11:46 This everyone's gonna love this right.

1:11:49 I love them so much they're gonna love they're gonna love.

1:11:51 Each other it's like when you introduce your friends to your other friends it's like he goes into the room he goes she's gonna love this room I do love this room. No, no.

1:12:00 Yes.

1:12:00 Yes. Yes.

1:12:01 You. He also said that if I hadn't found out, he would have continued the affair until we moved to the new house.

1:12:07 Oh, good.

1:12:08 So, no, babe, you don't understand. If you hadn't found out, I would have kept going.

1:12:12 What a good guy. What a good guy.

1:12:14 What a dummy. After I found out and heard this nonsense, I left.

1:12:18 Nice.

1:12:19 Broke off the relationship. Nice. And asked that we sell the house. I would like to express that I wish I listened to all your comments regarding leaving him and realizing that he was never going to commit. It's just crazy how someone you thought you knew can just switch easily. I am glad I managed to walk away from this without children or marriage and ultimately going through divorce. Yeah, at least you don't have that. You just have to figure out how to split this house. Yeah, truthfully. It's been a roller coaster, but I'm now happier than ever, although we're still going through the selling process. Might I also add, he is coming out of this house process with no money, as he's paying me every single penny

1:12:57 of debt he put me through.

1:12:58 Good.

1:12:59 Plus profit proceeds to me, and also paying off his mom the money he borrowed from her. Sounds like this guy was.

1:13:05 A real winner.

1:13:06 This guy's a real catch.

1:13:07 Yeah.

1:13:07 This guy sucks.

1:13:09 I was not coming out of this destroyed. And comments. Active C says, some people really do show you exactly who they are. and you just don't want to see it. Glad you got out before the mortgage and the kids made it a thousand times messier. The I wanted both of you bit is actually unhinged.

1:13:25 It is.

1:13:26 Like, so this is not a timeshare. I am your girlfriend. Opie says, yup. In his own words, what could I love two people at once? Well, you can if everyone's aware. If everyone's aware of the terms here. Yeah, but they weren't. It was the craziest thing I've heard in a while. He is now losing a lot of money from the whole process due to the debts he put me in when I thought we were doing this for us. We've got a little bit left to this story. Any final thoughts? Uh, I mean, glad he got out of there. Me too.

1:13:59 Ten years too late. But, you know, sometimes it takes some time. And I don't know if he was, like, cheating before. I mean, yeah, he was at least cheating for six months. He was definitely cheating for six months.

1:14:11 I mean, the commenters said the positives. At least, like, I mean, yes, this is a terrible thing. Ten years too long with this guy, but no kids, not married.

1:14:20 Let's just look at the positives.

1:14:21 Based on how he reacted, though, of just being like, yeah, I would have stayed with her if you didn't know. I feel like he probably cheated on her multiple times.

1:14:30 100%.

1:14:30 But we got another comment who says, when you say he is paying me, I think you need to be sure to get that in some kind of writing that'll hold up in court. Because it sure sounds at the moment like you have his words, but that ain't worth much until you have cash in hand. You might consider speaking to an attorney. And Opie says this is the next step in the process. It's only been three months since this happened, so only now has the logistics started rolling in and getting the house on the market. Clean cardiologist says, glad that you got your name on the house since you put so much into it. If his colleague knew that he was in a relationship, she's trash.

1:15:05 He is definitely trash. They deserve each other. Good on you for walking away. OP says she did know. She knew and she had the audacity to beg me not to break up with him because he's a highly respected man at work. And he loves me very much. And he wants to marry you and move in with you to the new house.

1:15:23 They're both to Lulu.

1:15:25 Yeah.

1:15:25 They're in to Lulu.

1:15:26 And he's going to.

1:15:27 Move in with you. And I'm also going to move in with you.

1:15:29 And I'll love you too.

1:15:31 And I'll love you. I'm good. We'll kind of be a love triangle. I just won't be part of it.

1:15:37 And you guys can have each other. You need me there for some weird odd thing.

1:15:41 How about you guys do your own thing? And I'll head out.

1:15:44 Ew.

1:15:45 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

1:15:48 Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're going to get.

1:15:54 Back to the stories, but here's a three-minute ad break from our sponsors. My fiance said she doesn't need me in front of our family.

1:16:02 Well, I don't need you either.

1:16:04 My girlfriend, 30 female, and I, 31 male, have been together for six years. I've been planning to propose soon, but I've been struggling with issues I've brought up since day one of our relationship that haven't changed.

1:16:16 That's what I'm going to have to say. This is on you now. Yeah.

1:16:19 The main issue.

1:16:21 I feel like I'm constantly chasing her for attention and affection, especially in social settings. When we're in groups with her family or friends, she won't come to me. I always have to go to her. She won't initiate conversation with me unless I speak first. And even then, she just gives short answers without asking me anything back. When I suggest things, she'll say no. But when someone else suggests the exact same thing.

1:16:42 She'll do it.

1:16:43 I think she doesn't like you.

1:16:45 Yeah.

1:16:45 Yeah.

1:16:46 Yeah!

1:16:48 What makes this harder is that she's bubbly and engaging with other people, but cold towards me. It's like she saves all her warmth for everyone else. I feel she always prioritizes her convenience instead of our relationship. For example, of what I mean, one... We usually meet closer to her place, two hours commute for me.

1:17:06 What?

1:17:07 Buddy, I don't think she likes you.

1:17:09 Yeah.

1:17:10 Even for my birthday celebration, we plan each other's birthday. She still wanted me to travel to her area rather than meeting somewhere more convenient for me.

1:17:21 Yeah, that's not okay. When it gets to, especially when you live far away from each other, you have to make an effort on both sides and there's just not a lot of effort on her side.

1:17:31 Bummer. Yeah.

1:17:32 By the way, this comes from PlayfulMagician831, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

1:17:38 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

1:17:40 I'm Keon.

1:17:41 And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we don't have all your answers. We're only going to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, at social gatherings with her family, she'll leave me alone without saying anything. Even though I don't know her family well and was expecting her to include me or at least stay with me, Or.

1:18:00 Just check in from time to time if I'm alright.

1:18:02 When our relationship was struggling and we were about to break up, I suggested couples therapy, which I offered to pay for. Her first concern was that the location was inconvenient for her.

1:18:12 Right.

1:18:13 You know you can do it online. You could do it online, yes. I've raised these issues repeatedly over six years. But nothing has changed.

1:18:20 Okay.

1:18:21 Like, that's when I say, okay, you're doing it to yourself then. You're not trying to get out of it. You're not trying to, you know, you're just... being complicit in what's.

1:18:29 Yeah if it's been happening for six years it really does feel like op is also in this comfortable space and it's like well i tried to confront it but it was scary so i didn't yeah yeah it's like at a certain point yes.

1:18:41 I just love her so much yeah.

1:18:43 After six years it might be a problem that you can't fix.

1:18:46 Yeah recently i sent her a message saying that after six years together, I don't want to feel like I'm still chasing her or courting her and that I'm not going to pursue her all the time anymore.

1:18:57 It's crazy that it took you six years to.

1:18:59 Figure that one out. It did take him a minute. Her response was just, she just sends the shaking face emoji where.

1:19:05 It's like, huh?

1:19:08 And then silence. It's been over a day and she hasn't messaged me. Historically, I've always been the one to reach out first and apologize even when I'm the one who's hurt.

1:19:18 Surprise, surprise! Surprise, surprise!

1:19:21 I decided not to respond to the Because I felt like that would just be chasing her again.

1:19:27 OP, don't go chasing waterfalls. But now, I'm second guessing myself. Was I too confrontational? Aw, OP did his first confrontation in six years and he's like, was that too much? I'm sorry, was that too much?

1:19:38 I think she's upset at me.

1:19:39 She's never been in a relationship before, so maybe she doesn't understand what she's doing?

1:19:44 Am I the animal? She can figure it out with someone else.

1:19:47 And they'll put her in her place.

1:19:48 Yeah, they'll be like, hey, you're in your second relationship now and you're not doing a very good job. Yeah.

1:19:54 Opie, how has no one shaken you?

1:19:57 I'm sure people have tried.

1:19:58 Do you hear yourself?

1:19:59 The thing is, like, you can shake someone as much as you want, but until they finally realize it, like, they're not going anywhere.

1:20:06 You can't bring a horse to water and force them to drink.

1:20:08 It's like, yeah. I mean, I was the same way.

1:20:10 I should have, like, left my ex probably, like, a year into it, but I stayed for three and a half years.

1:20:15 And it's like, I needed to know when I was done. An OP is not going to know until he knows.

1:20:21 Yeah.

1:20:22 Not when someone tells him.

1:20:23 Whatever.

1:20:24 Thank you guys for all of the advice.

1:20:26 I'm now starting to see how dumb I am for not considering to end this sooner. I will not message her and will give an update if she ever reaches out. Also, an info I wanted to add. I lost my father two years ago and I've been struggling with depression. I guess part of the reason I put up with this is that I really didn't want to lose another important person in my life.

1:20:44 That makes sense. Okay. So this is more like a grieving. Yeah. Again, it goes back to the familiar, comfortable. Like she's there for us. She knows. Yeah. No one else is going to understand. You know, we went through this together. Better the devil you know.

1:20:59 Ah.

1:21:00 This is mostly in social settings, but it's fine when it's only the two of us. We were happy the past years, though yes, she indeed has selfish tendencies sometimes, and I'm at my limit about this issue, I guess. Let me clarify the dynamics with her family. The main thing is that I'm still sort of the outsider, and she's much closer to them compared to me because I only see them a couple times a year. I actually sometimes feel much more comfortable conversing with her family- than her because they would ask me questions to extend the conversation.

1:21:32 I actually got super close with her two male cousins instantly because I found out we share some hobbies in gaming and anime. But even with this, is it not fair for me to expect her to come to me from time to time and not me chasing her around all day? Or is it too much overthinking and there's an update?

1:21:50 Of course it's fair. You can't just expect one person to put all the work in the relationship. Yeah. Especially with driving, because driving two hours to go visit your partner all the time and they never do it for you. It's just like, again, it goes back to the resentment. Yeah, I would immediately like that's a red flag for me.

1:22:09 Yeah.

1:22:09 In the past, like if I hadn't dated my ex and like, you know, didn't know any better, I would have done that.

1:22:15 I would have been like, no, I'm just like I'm just the more caring one.

1:22:18 But like now I'm like, okay, yeah, no, if you're not going to do that for me, I'm not doing it for you.

1:22:23 What?

1:22:24 Like this, this is not that it has to be transactional, but I mean, that's not fair for me to have to do it every single time.

1:22:30 And for you to just sit there and be like, When are you coming?

1:22:33 Yeah.

1:22:33 Come on, come over. We're waiting for you. Like, you're late.

1:22:36 Like, no.

1:22:38 Nuh-uh.

1:22:38 Nuh-uh. There's an update. I couldn't help myself.

1:22:42 No, you didn't. No.

1:22:42 You didn't do it, did you?

1:22:47 No.

1:22:47 After everyone told you.

1:22:48 We told you.

1:22:50 After she ignored my vulnerable message for two days, I reached out again last night with messages explaining how hurt I was by her dismissiveness and asked if she wanted to meet up.

1:23:00 Ugh, OP, you could've... Ugh, you should've stayed strong, man.

1:23:03 It's okay, it's okay.

1:23:04 I also told her I think we have an anxious avoidant attachment dynamic and sent her videos and detailed explanations about it, hoping she'd finally understand where I'm coming from and maybe even give us a starting point on how we can fix the relationship.

1:23:17 Oh, me.

1:23:18 Come on.

1:23:18 You had it in the bag.

1:23:20 Oh, me. I understand.

1:23:23 I would like, I mean, I would talk, I would try to talk to my ex about these things and he would shut it down immediately.

1:23:28 But like, it's like, but this could help. Like, you don't want to do stuff that'll help. He's like, no.

1:23:33 She's probably, she's probably sent back another question mark.

1:23:36 It's like, that's not going to help.

1:23:37 Yeah.

1:23:37 She just sent a question mark.

1:23:37 She went, brother, she, she thumbs down the message.

1:23:40 Yeah.

1:23:41 She just sends cup pong.

1:23:43 Yeah, she sends, like, what's the- Battleships, Connect Four. She sends back battles.

1:23:47 Cool.

1:23:48 She sends Connect Four.

1:23:50 Yeah.

1:23:51 Oh, V, she didn't respond to you for two days.

1:23:53 Yeah, she's probably broken up with you in her mind.

1:23:56 She's been broken up with you. You're her little pet.

1:23:59 Well, actually, her response, she completely ignored everything I said and just told me, I'm going to the insert mall we usually meet at. Anyway, you can come if you want.

1:24:09 Yeah, and that's when I just texted.

1:24:10 And you went, okay.

1:24:12 Yeah, and I mentioned things. I went and we met up with her friends.

1:24:15 We met with her friends and she made me buy everything for her.

1:24:18 And I carried all their bags. Yeah, and I drove all the way out there and I told her this wasn't working and she said, hey, can you grab me some Wetzels? And I did.

1:24:27 And don't get yourself anything because you've been a bad boy. You talked bad to me.

1:24:31 Yeah.

1:24:32 So even after pouring my heart out about feeling dismissed and invisible, she dismissed me and made me feel invisible again.

1:24:39 It really hurts.

1:24:41 Final update. What?

1:24:44 No, no.

1:24:45 I'm just going right into it.

1:24:46 No discussion.

1:24:47 Get in here. You know what? At this point, Opie, you're the a-hole.

1:24:50 No.

1:24:50 Final update, we're engaged. Shut up. Shut up right now. Girl that never freaking tried to make any effort in your relationship, you proposed to her? This is on you. I mean, I've been saying it the whole time, but this is an issue. I know 99% of you told me to break up with her.

1:25:11 Yep.

1:25:12 Nailed it. Nailed it.

1:25:14 And you said, never tell me the odds.

1:25:16 I need it.

1:25:17 Never tell me the odds.

1:25:19 Never let them know.

1:25:20 I like those odds. Those are fighting numbers.

1:25:22 Those are fighting numbers. I'm going to propose to her and she's going to say yes.

1:25:26 I didn't get 100%. There was 1% that said stay with it.

1:25:28 She told me that we could have the wedding 10 minutes from her house.

1:25:32 No further.

1:25:33 Honestly, I don't blame you based on what I shared. Some of you will probably be disappointed reading this, but just hear me out.

1:25:39 No, I'm not hearing you out.

1:25:41 I kind of want to hear him out.

1:25:42 Finish it.

1:25:42 All right, hear him out.

1:25:43 It ends there.

1:25:44 During the meetup after the small update, we had the most honest conversation we've ever had in six years. She was open and acknowledged that she might have a dismissive avoidant attachment style.

1:25:56 Yeah, don't say. Stemming from past drama. It's too late.

1:26:00 Genuinely?

1:26:01 Yeah.

1:26:01 It took six years. Too late.

1:26:04 Yeah.

1:26:04 I was actually the one who brought it up and shared resources about it, and it just clicked for her. Something she'd never really considered before, but it made a lot of sense. We're committing to couples therapy together, and she's also open to individual therapy for herself.

1:26:18 Are you going to pay for all of that?

1:26:20 Yeah, of course you.

1:26:21 Yes. And yes, I proposed, and she said yes.

1:26:25 Because even through all this, I realized I can't imagine living my life with anyone else.

1:26:30 You moron.

1:26:31 Even in moments like these, I'd still choose her and that I really love her so much.

1:26:37 All right, if you say so. I'm going in with clear eyes though. No, you're not. Your eyes are clouded. I'll keep communicating my.

1:26:44 Needs and I'm hopeful that with the work we're both putting in, we can finally break the cycle we.

1:26:50 Were stuck in.

1:26:51 Oh my gosh.

1:26:52 Thanks for the advice. Either way, it genuinely helped me have that conversation. Am I the a-hole has no bot, but most comments judged not the a-hole and advised OP to break up with the girlfriend and told him that she didn't care about him.

1:27:07 Oh, there's a final, final update. Hold on. I hope it's... I hope it's... I decided that I'm not engaged anymore. So I broke off the engagement and... I decided that I'm not getting married to her anymore and that's it. Seven months later.

1:27:19 I stupidly ignored all of your advice and went on with the proposal being hopeful of the self-awareness my girlfriend showed during our heart-to-heart talk after.

1:27:28 Dummy. Dummy, dummy, dummy.

1:27:30 Wow.

1:27:31 I can't lead this horse. I am shocked to the core.

1:27:35 Remember when we had that 99% Of Reddit saying, break off with her.

1:27:39 And he went, no. I'm leading this horse to acid.

1:27:43 And I'm, guess what? I'm the one in the acid.

1:27:48 And I'm the acid.

1:27:49 I realize now that this was a mistake. It's really not a good idea to love someone's potential instead of.

1:27:56 Who they are currently. Shocker.

1:27:58 You don't say.

1:27:58 What?

1:28:01 Come on.

1:28:01 What happened after is that she never made any concrete steps about the therapy she promised and just went back into her avoidant tendencies.

1:28:09 Shocker! Even with all that.

1:28:14 I was still willing to push through with it, actually, that I admit was stupid on my part.

1:28:19 Oh, the last straw. Let's see what it finally was. Any guesses? Just that his partner didn't go somewhere. Girlfriend, you know, didn't show up to a date. I don't know. I guess. I feel like it's going to be the dumbest reason beyond measure.

1:28:33 She farted once and I went, ew.

1:28:35 He was like, that's it. I'm done.

1:28:37 I got the ick.

1:28:38 Yeah.

1:28:38 I'm out of here. It's going to be something.

1:28:40 Stupid.

1:28:40 The last straw for me happened just last Sunday when we were on a pre-wedding tradition in our country where the families of the couples would meet up and bond and where the couples would proclaim their love for one another. She said in this event that she doesn't need a man to be complete and I'm just a nice bonus for her. Also that she's the type of person not to feel butterflies in her stomach or excitement in the relationship, but she appreciates my consistency.

1:29:06 That's so funny. Guys, reminder, this is her first relationship. She just told you that she does not love you, but she just doesn't realize it.

1:29:15 She just appreciates it.

1:29:17 I'm not the type of person who feels any sort of attraction to their partner, you know? I don't feel any of that love that other people are talking about. Maybe because you're with the wrong person, girly.

1:29:27 No, it's literally like, like the whole point of that was to like, kind of give like your vows, like pre-vows is what in my, in my head is what I'm thinking.

1:29:35 She's like, the only person I could love is someone exactly like me.

1:29:39 And you know what?

1:29:40 There's no one exactly like me.

1:29:42 Only me.

1:29:43 I can only love me.

1:29:44 She literally was like, He's like, I love you. I'll go to the ends of the earth with you. You are my sun, my stars, my moon, whatever, blah, blah.

1:29:52 And she goes, I don't need you. I'm glad that you are still trying. And I don't have any sort of feelings for you. But I also don't feel anything towards you.

1:30:01 Yeah, crazy.

1:30:02 You sound like a simp.

1:30:03 And he was like, oh. In front of the whole family.

1:30:06 Yeah.

1:30:07 Jesus.

1:30:09 Jesus.

1:30:09 Woohoo! Worst part is, she never said she loves me in this event. Not even once. She doesn't. She does not love you. She doesn't. I don't think she ever did, truthfully.

1:30:19 No.

1:30:20 I understand that being independent is good, but it's not the right time and place for this. When it's supposedly the day we should show our love for one another in front of our families. I felt really unwanted during that moment, and I felt invalidated again for all my efforts and sacrifices. I talked with her earlier today about the hurts and she invalidated me again. That's when I decided to stand my ground and choose myself this time.

1:30:44 At the end, she handed me back the ring and we broke up. Stupid to not end this sooner, but I have found respect for myself after neglecting my needs for far too long.

1:30:53 Heck yeah, brother. In the end, I think I was indeed the a-hole to the both of us for dragging this for far too long. She also has a part in that. You can't just blame yourself. No, I mean, yeah, OP, you are a self a-hole.

1:31:08 Yeah.

1:31:08 But she strung you along.

1:31:10 Yeah.

1:31:10 She definitely didn't help the situation. However. She could have also broke it off. I will say, yes, like, she sucks and is the a-hole as well. However, it makes so much sense that this is her first relationship because she clearly has, like, no idea what she's supposed to feel. And I'm like, girl, stop.

1:31:26 And she obviously doesn't, she's not feeling the right things, but she doesn't know.

1:31:30 Yeah, she doesn't know. She's just like, oh, no, you're not supposed to. I'm just not the type of person. There are people out there who just don't feel anything for their partners, right? Yeah, like what?

1:31:37 That's what love is, right?

1:31:38 Yeah, love.

1:31:39 No, it really is because you go through life and there isn't a way to define love or how to love someone. And everyone's always like, well, you'll just know when you get there. It's a combination of a bunch of stuff.

1:31:51 But yeah, it is.

1:31:51 You really do just know it when you get there. Yeah, you do. But you have to go through a couple situations to be like, wait, is it this?

1:31:58 No.

1:31:58 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's this one. If I stuck with my first ever relationship, I probably would not be here.

1:32:05 Yeah.

1:32:06 Looking back at my first ever relationship, I was like, oh, I thought I loved him for a second there. I was like, oh, maybe I do. And I was like, no.

1:32:13 Yeah.

1:32:13 Looking back, I was like, no, I did not. Not a great time. So she'll figure that out. And OP, you're figuring it out now.

1:32:20 Yeah.

1:32:20 That you should not be in a relationship here. Shouldn't be this hard. Thank you for all the advice. I hope we both heal from this in the future.

1:32:28 Hmm.

1:32:28 That's the end.

1:32:29 Yeah.

1:32:30 I don't know, man. When 99% tells you do it, you should probably do it.

1:32:34 Do it.

1:32:35 And that's the end of this story.