My wife packed a bag and vanished… after I confessed to cheating! | Reddit Stories | EP3132

0:00 Hey, this is Carly.

0:01 And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My wife packed a bag and vanished after I confessed to cheating. As she should. I, 29 male, feel like this is pretty much Reddit self-destruction.

0:24 Welcome.

0:26 And you're right. My wife, 25, female, and I have been a couple for five years, married for two, have an eight-month-old son, and I consider them both my whole world. I just couldn't imagine life without them. The pregnancy was difficult for both of us, but mostly for my wife, for obvious reasons.

0:47 Yeah, she's the most of the heavy lifting.

0:49 She was bedridden for the majority of the pregnancy, so I had to do most of the house chores, shopping, etc.

0:55 Oh my gosh. How big was this baby?

0:58 It just depends how it is.

1:01 50 pounds?

1:01 It's not really how big it is. It's where it's positioned.

1:04 No, it has to be. Well, no. 50 pounds at the hip?

1:08 It's not.

1:09 No, it's where it's positioned. I'm a doctor. I know this. If it's 50 pounds in your left boob, you're bedriddened. That's how it works.

1:20 That's just normal though. And I never felt like my wife tried to take advantage of the situation. I know she would have much preferred to have the strength to do it herself. She had a lot of mood swings and the hormones were just going crazy. That is my worst nightmare if I ever get pregnant because I already have like weird hormones that I feel like I would just go absolutely insane and I would like hate everything.

1:41 I guess I'm going to tell you.

1:42 Yeah.

1:44 Still here. Yeah. It's like you're pregnant right now.

1:47 It's like Still here. No, no. Imagine 10 times worse.

1:52 I can't. This is the worst.

1:55 It really isn't. This is like... It isn't!

1:58 It isn't!

1:59 It isn't! She was never mad, though. Just sad and worried that she'd be a bad mother. Or that there would be something wrong with the baby. By the end of her pregnancy, we ended up going to the hospital like 15 times just to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Because she was convinced something was wrong.

2:18 She has anxiety. Yeah, she's scared.

2:21 My sister-in-law did that, like, twice. Because she was like, she's not, you know, like, when it gets, like, bigger, you can feel it moving, whatever.

2:29 Once it gets to 100 pounds.

2:30 No.

2:31 She's like, oh, my God, it's not moving. I haven't felt her all day. Oh, my God, oh, my God. And she, like, would freak out.

2:35 She's sleeping.

2:36 Yeah, and they were like, she just isn't kicking. She's good. By the way, this comes from Cheating on My Wife. And if you want to submit your old stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

2:48 I'm Riley.

2:48 And we're here to talk about some stuff. Give some advice.

2:52 Let us know if you know where this story is going. Yeah.

2:56 By the title and the username. We don't have all of the answers. We will only tell you what we would do. But let us know what you would do down in the comments.

3:04 It was the username for me. I completely forget the title every time I read it.

3:08 Really?

3:08 It's better to. You let the story reveal itself as it comes.

3:12 Yeah, I know. Some people get mad. They're like, didn't you read that title? And I'm like, yes.

3:17 But that's not as fun. Imagine, I don't know, knowing the end of a game, knowing who wins at the end of the game and still watching it.

3:27 Yeah, that's true. As OP says, it was impossible to be rational with her or tell her not to worry. She just said, I just feel something is wrong. I can't help it. It's so hard. When you're pregnant and this is your first child, you have no idea what's going on. So I would be worried, too. I'd be like, what's going on?

3:45 I feel for my mom during that time. But I was a good baby. I'd stay up late, sleep in, too. Still do.

3:51 Wow.

3:52 Yeah.

3:52 Still do.

3:53 Still do.

3:53 That's great. Our son was born without any complications and perfectly healthy as well.

3:59 Let's go.

4:00 During the pregnancy, we were barely ever intimate aside from snuggling and kissing. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of spicy sleep while pregnant and again worried that it would have hurt the baby somehow.

4:10 How are you supposed to fertilize it then?

4:13 It's already fertilized. What do you mean?

4:15 You got to get all the sides. You have to keep fertilizing it as it grows.

4:18 That's not how that works.

4:19 Really?

4:20 We had oral spicy sleep on occasions, but they were rare and far between. Yeah, because she's pregnant and worried about her child. So probably not as horny. Yeah, probably not at the forefront of your mind. Her life has changed. She now is bedridden.

4:33 That's tough, though.

4:34 For nine months or however long that was.

4:38 Still tough, though. Nine months without.

4:40 Yeah. Nine months without alcohol. Nine months without, like, you know, probably doing any sports.

4:47 Hard.

4:49 You know, like, can't get up to get yourself anything. Our situation didn't improve after our son was born either because she was always too exhausted or in too much pain down there.

4:59 Yeah, you got to let her breathe for a little bit, bro.

5:01 Makes sense. It depends. Did she have, like, was it a natural birth? Was it, you know, C-section, whatever? Like, you got her.

5:07 Did I have to get the go-devil and split her open?

5:10 I'm telling you, you bleed profusely after birth. You're there for a good, like, week, two weeks.

5:17 I tell jokes profusely.

5:19 And he does.

5:20 And he tries.

5:23 About our living situation... I'm a university student, so my wife is the one who works and provides for our family. From Monday to Thursday, I'm at school while she is home with our son, and Friday through Sunday, she works double shifts each day while I take care of our son. Wow, and you're complaining you don't get any.

5:42 I know you're a student. You better be making bank. Whatever you're in, you better be making bank.

5:47 She's the breadwinner, and she, dang.

5:50 Dang, sucks.

5:52 I told my wife a few days ago I was going over to my classmates, let's call her Jenny, 19 female, house.

5:58 Oh, gosh.

6:00 Because we had both failed our exam back in May and wanted to prepare for the re-exam, our university offered about two weeks before the semester starts. I kissed my wife and sung goodbye and told her I'd call her when I'm on my way home. I'm being completely honest when I say that I had no other intentions in mind when I drove to Jenny's house that day. Now...

6:21 Let me just tell you about Jenny a bit.

6:23 Dude, I'm sorry. As a man, I do not hang out with women alone unless I'm in a public space. Or if they're like a sister or family member to me. Like, I think I could hang out with you at my apartment watching a movie, chill. But if it was your sister, Sydney, I would feel uncomfortable. Oh, really?

6:41 I would. I feel like she'd probably feel uncomfortable too.

6:44 Yeah. Yeah, you know, you don't do that.

6:46 Yeah.

6:47 I just, that's a role of mine.

6:49 I think it's a good role because then you don't have to, you know, like you'll never have to make your partner feel uncomfortable in that way.

6:58 Yeah.

6:59 If the opportunity would arise or whatever. But I understand, like, I would study in a group of people or I would study one- Well, yeah, but also if I had to do partner work with, like, a guy, you know?

7:10 Like, you know, a library? Or, you know what? In this case, we're staying in the living room. Yeah.

7:17 Like, I've had to go over people's houses to, like, work on projects.

7:20 Yeah.

7:20 Nothing ever happened. She is an extremely attractive woman with a very bubbly and flirty personality. The kind of woman who'd drive any man insane, really. She has always been very flirtatious with everyone, though guys and girls, not just me.

7:37 I do think she'd drive any man insane. Not the same way you think, though.

7:40 Yeah, it seems like.

7:42 Seems like an annoying little sister.

7:44 No, I feel like she is very, um... If you already know that she's flirty.

7:48 And hot.

7:50 You kind of put yourself in this situation.

7:52 You're asking for trouble.

7:54 So I never figured that she had a thing for me.

7:57 And then the next thing I know, I was hogtied.

8:00 A married man with a kid. I don't want to go into too much detail of what happened at her house, because honestly, it just feels awkward and wrong to even think about. Well, you did it, so it must not have been that awkward.

8:12 We're already writing this, so let's just do it.

8:16 But it went from what I perceived as innocent flirting to kissing, stroking each other, and yes, we slept together. Stroking? What the heck was I thinking? Nothing. I was a dumb F that didn't think about it at all. In my mind, I was just too focused on how good it felt to share such a passionate moment. But when it was all over, I regretted it immediately and began to panic. Yep, you just gotta use the right head in this scenario.

8:46 Or use your hand before you go. That scumbag stuff. If you're that tempted and you gotta get something done.

8:53 That's true. If that's what's going to make you not cheat. Yeah. Rub it out real quick and then go inside and be like, oh, actually, I'm too tired.

9:02 Me. I have to go.

9:04 Me.

9:04 I have to go learn for my family. And I don't know. Jennifer Lawrence is my study buddy. And I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world. But I haven't had spicy encounters with her for 10 months. I'm a rub one out before I go see Jenny.

9:18 Is that temptation?

9:19 I'm a have to.

9:21 See, I feel like for girls it's different. I just like, to me, personally, I always think everything is always innocent. I go in with an innocent mind. And then if I feel uncomfortable or whatever, I'll be like, yeah, I got to go.

9:32 Smart. Smart. And that is the step-by-step on how to handle it. Thanks.

9:37 Jenny didn't seem all too troubled by what we had done as she was ready to resume her study session. She said, all right. Let's get to it. Now that we've got that out of the way, what is the answer to number three? What? I just couldn't do that though. So I left her house as quickly as possible. I was afraid to drive. home that day and face my wife.

10:01 Now you're gonna fail the exam again bro how stupid are you.

10:05 So not only did you just ruin your marriage but you also are gonna fail again.

10:09 You're not doing anything right.

10:11 A thousand scenarios played in my mind each worse than the other and i was in doubt about whether to tell her or keep it a secret It was a constant battle between my conscious and my selfish needs. Ended up just driving around town for an hour before finally mustering up the courage to go home. When I arrived home, I was greeted by the sight of my wife sitting on the couch just playing games while our son was napping on her chest.

10:34 You effed up, brother.

10:36 To come home to that after what you just did.

10:39 Do you ever watch Stranger Things? Remember that scene when Nancy's mom's gonna go see Billy?

10:44 Yes.

10:44 Yeah, yeah.

10:45 Yeah, and then she's like, what am I doing? And yeah.

10:50 Maybe that's what you needed to see before you went.

10:52 I mean, yeah, yes. She stopped herself though. An absolutely beautiful sight and I lost it. It must have showed because my wife asked what was amiss and I confessed. I told her everything about what had happened along with stupid BS excuses and about a thousand sorries. My wife just stared at me in silence. Not a single word came out of her mouth. Blank expression. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I wish she would have just screamed at me in the moment, but instead she got up, put her son in the baby seat, and went to the bedroom to pack a bag faster than humanly possible. Truthfully, that's what I would do.

11:30 Yeah.

11:30 I'm never one to, like, yell at someone. I'm always, I am always someone to take the high road and let them, I let them figure it out. I'm like, oh, you did that?

11:39 Okay, well, have fun. I'm gonna let you sit with that.

11:44 I will not overemphasize all this stuff. You already know you did wrong.

11:47 Yeah.

11:47 Live with it. I didn't do anything. So I'm going to go. You can have the dirty conscious and probably dirty pee pee. Yeah.

11:54 I forgive you too, by the way. We're just never going to speak again.

11:58 Yeah.

11:58 Hit them with that. Oh, dude, they're not going to know. They're going to need years of therapy for that one. Oh, show yourself. You're the bigger man. That's how you do it. Get the forgiving out of the way.

12:08 I kept asking her, where are you going? But she just ignored me and eventually left the house, got into the car and drove away. A few minutes later, I received a text message from her that said going to my parents' house. I've tried texting and calling her numerous times, but she won't answer. I effed up big time and I don't know what to do. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but I just can't lose them.

12:31 How can I convince her something like this will never happen again? How can I make her understand I never meant to hurt her or ruin what we had?

12:38 Oh, boy. He's about to get eaten alive.

12:41 Yeah, I'm sure Reddit has already told you all of these things. But I'm just going to reiterate.

12:49 What percentage does he have to bring it back?

12:52 To, like, get her back?

12:54 Yeah.

12:55 Say, like, 5%.

12:56 5%? I was thinking he has better odds of winning a lottery.

12:59 Mm-hmm.

13:00 I mean, I don't know what she's thinking.

13:02 No, those are two good odds.

13:04 It's just the fact that, like, you already have a family. That's the thing that would make me second guess this. If I had nothing to lose, if I didn't have, like, if I wasn't tied down with, like, bills or, you know, things in my name that we shared or kids or anything like that, never speak to me again. I will be fine. I'll go. You do whatever you want. Yeah.

13:24 Leave me out of it. Yeah.

13:25 It's easy to break up.

13:26 But because there are now kids involved.

13:28 Married.

13:29 They have like.

13:31 Oh, I see.

13:31 Stuff in their name.

13:32 So that's why there's a better percentage of them getting back together. Yes.

13:36 That's what I would think.

13:36 Because. And we don't know the financial situation of this either.

13:39 Exactly.

13:40 Yeah. I don't know.

13:40 Dang. You thought it way ahead of me.

13:42 Well, I was just thinking.

13:44 I was thinking he has better odds of getting crushed by a vending machine than getting back together with her.

13:48 And that happens pretty often.

13:49 It does. That kills more people than sharks.

13:52 Which is crazy, because what?

13:54 Well, there's more vending machines out there than sharks.

13:57 Are there?

13:58 Yeah. People become encountered with vending machines way more often than they do with sharks.

14:04 I guess, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

14:06 If I ran into a shark 50 times a year, different odds. If everyone ran into a shark 50 times a year, very different odds.

14:13 Yeah. But I would think there's a little chance of them... Getting back together, but I don't know how she feels. She said nothing. So.

14:22 Okay, I see your point. Good point. Here's my thing, though. Who's the one bringing the money in? Who's the one.

14:28 That's her.

14:29 I don't know. Probably taking care of the housework.

14:32 That's her.

14:32 Who is also taking care of the baby?

14:34 That's her.

14:35 Who's the one studying?

14:36 Him.

14:37 And failing his exams? Him. I'm sorry. If you are going to school and you fail an exam... And someone is like making sure everything is good. I don't care how hard that exam is. That is your responsibility to do good.

14:50 Yeah. For example, Opie's wife, her responsibility right now is to go to work, take care of the child, take care of the house. That's her responsibility.

14:59 Yeah.

15:00 Over the weekend. And his responsibility, Opie, is to go to school, get a degree, get a job in that career. And he can't even do that.

15:09 I can't, bro. I can't.

15:11 Pathetic is what I say.

15:12 Failing the exam told me everything I need to know about this guy.

15:15 Yeah. And then him going over and just doing that because out of like temptation.

15:20 And then not studying afterwards.

15:22 Yeah.

15:23 What? Yeah. You didn't even go over there and do what you're supposed to do. That's what pisses me off the most. I would be less pissed off if he was studied afterwards. But he just went over and did that and left.

15:34 I would have been way more pissed off if he stayed and actually studied. I mean, either way.

15:38 You went over there, did that, and then also worked to provide for our family? Okay. We went over, did that, and then left? You don't even care. You didn't even think about our family.

15:47 He wasn't at all thinking about it at any time.

15:49 That's his job, is getting through school. He didn't even do that right.

15:50 Yep.

15:51 So.

15:52 Now she's on my side.

15:53 Update. After reading all of your comments, it became even more apparent that I was making even more excuses, trying to pin the blame on anyone but me, justifying my actions. I guess I just didn't want to think of myself as the kind of man who would do something so horrible to his family. Between all the wallowing in self-pity, I decided to be productive. Man up to the fact that I effed up and try to do at least something right. I called my old boss to ask if there was anything available. I used to work as a barista.

16:22 I was in luck because they needed someone experienced for the morning shifts during weekends. Next up, a place to stay. At this point, I didn't know what my wife wanted and what to expect. A divorce? A break? But I sort of prepared for the worst and assumed that my wife was going to divorce me. And since the house is in her name, then I should be the one moving out. My parents or relatives weren't an option, though none of them live even remotely near. So by a long shot, I ended up asking my high school friend on Facebook if I could crash at his place for a few days. Briefly explaining my situation to him, he told me what a little idiot I am. And how I screwed up majorly. No arguments there, but yes, I

17:03 can move in with him and his roommate.

17:05 Dude, I don't know if I could do that with a friend.

17:09 Really?

17:09 If one of my friends said I cheated on my girl, can I crash at your place?

17:13 They're still your friend.

17:14 I don't know, man.

17:16 I mean, you could look at them in a different light, but they're still your friend.

17:19 This might be the last nice thing I do for you.

17:21 Say, what about, okay, so say family. Say Tate cheated on his wife.

17:27 Yeah, he'd stay. Any.

17:28 Yeah, you'd let him stay?

17:29 I'd give him hell, though.

17:30 Oh, yeah.

17:31 Give him hell.

17:32 All right.

17:33 What? Daniel.

17:34 Say Daniel went.

17:35 Daniel would never.

17:36 I know. Daniel would never.

17:37 Daniel would never. Out of the question. Out of the question. Next. You know how much energy it takes for Daniel just to kiss a girl? Aw.

17:45 Months. Daniel. He's so sweet.

17:49 Months, bro.

17:49 He's just a little baby.

17:51 I'm like, dude, that girl was hitting on you. He was like, I don't know, man. She was really nice.

17:54 I just can't. Aw.

17:55 I don't know that well.

17:57 Morals.

17:58 He does. Little Southern Baptist moral boy.

18:00 I know, which is, you don't get those often.

18:03 You don't. Me and him are like the same, but he's just more for girls.

18:07 He's more for girls. He's more fun for girls.

18:10 He's like, I know musicals. I'm into this stuff.

18:12 Oh, that's true. Yeah, the musicals. I was like, okay, let's talk.

18:16 Yeah, me. Smart.

18:19 Smart.

18:21 Farming. Sawmill.

18:23 Green bean. Kettle.

18:25 Green bean.

18:25 Chicken. Chicken.

18:27 I don't know why I was in such a rush to move out before even knowing how things would end. I tried to think from my wife's perspective and figured that I didn't want to prevent her from going back home just because of my presence. Or maybe I was just trying to protect myself again. I sent my wife a message informing her about my job and me moving out.

18:45 I also added that I wouldn't try to contact her further unless she wanted me to. And if there was anything I could do for her, she needed to just ask. She replied, all right. So for a couple of weeks, my life just went on automatic. Sleep, eat, school, work, rinse and repeat.

19:00 That's what you're supposed to do. That's what you do in school.

19:03 Apparently he went in there and slipped in, cheated on my wife.

19:08 Not what you do at school.

19:09 While trying not to think too much about my future, I started to accept the possibility that I had lost my wife forever. But my son? No, that was the most terrifying idea ever. That I would lose custody of him, never see my son again. F. Oh, but you didn't think about this when you went over to Jenny's house, though.

19:31 It's weird how that never came up. And also the fact that he's like, yeah, I could lose my wife, but my son! That's kind of insane.

19:39 Clarity. Pre-nut delusion.

19:43 Oh, yeah.

19:44 Does things to a man.

19:45 Post-nut clarity. Yeah, I'm sure.

19:47 It's really what it is.

19:48 Thinking of him... his smile, laughter, the peaceful look on his face when he is sound asleep just made me teary and angry at myself. Truthfully, the best thing in life is when a baby falls asleep on you. Oh, my God.

20:03 Yeah.

20:04 I watched this one kid and I was like, you know what? I'm going to actually hold him and... put him to sleep. You know, usually I just like get them to where they're tired. Then I put them in their crib, whatever. And then they get themselves comfortable, go to sleep. I chose to like hold this baby and it took a little while. I was rocking him, whatever, pat him. He fell asleep on me. I was like, oh my God, this is the best feeling in the entire world. I was like, oh, I can't. I just fell in love. I felt absolutely in love with this kid.

20:34 Not that I wasn't before, but I was like, oh, I want him.

20:37 Yeah.

20:38 God, I remember calling my mom after that and was like, that was the best feeling ever.

20:42 Will you do anything to become a mother?

20:44 Would I do anything? No.

20:47 You literally asked me that as being a dad. Would you do anything to become a dad?

20:51 Well, because you find it higher value.

20:53 I do.

20:55 I feel like being a father is one of the greatest things you can do in life.

20:57 Yeah.

20:58 Being a lover is up there. And then being a child of God. But that one's first. That one's first.

21:03 My ex wanted more than anything to be a dad, but it was for the wrong reasons. To prove he was better than his.

21:07 He wanted to have a kid. He didn't want to be a dad.

21:10 Yes. Well, he wanted to prove that he was better than his dad. And I just don't think that's a great thing to go into.

21:16 I'm glad my dad broke that for me, because his dad was not good to him. And my dad was pretty good. I mean, like, not for her, but... Yeah. I had a good childhood.

21:24 Yeah. Then it happened. My wife called me, which under normal circumstances would have been surprising already, because she hates talking on the phone, social anxiety. At that moment, it just felt like there were a million things I wanted to say to her. But instead, I shut up and listened. Smart.

21:41 Wow. Now we're listening to your wife.

21:44 She told me in short how upset she was, how hurt she felt, betrayed, humiliated, and requested that we meet up in person to discuss matters. First, she wanted to meet up in a coffee shop, but changed her mind and told me to drive over to her parents' house. She had apparently been staying there the whole time, never returning home. while her parents would take our son for a walk. There certainly were mixed feelings when I saw my wife for the first time in weeks, months even by now. I didn't dare to think about what might come, so I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible.

22:16 She got all teary and hugged me tightly as I approached her. Definitely not the reaction I had expected, but I embraced her back while I felt the tears building up. And we just stood there in the driveway for not even gonna guess how long it was. It just felt like forever. Eventually, we got inside and had a talk.

22:34 A lengthy, heartfelt talk. My wife told me what she had been up to, what had been going through her mind, and all the emotions, our future. It was clear that her feelings were conflicted, unable to decide whether she wanted to give me, us, a second chance. I had been pretty quiet during our discussion and mostly just listened, but this is when I chimed in and told her that she shouldn't feel obligated to give me a second chance just because of our son.

22:59 Hmm. Where was this maturity before the nut? Where was this? You were a completely different person.

23:06 Bro. Sometimes that's what it takes.

23:08 Hitting rock bottom. I don't understand why people wait to hit rock bottom to actually change their lives.

23:13 Because they don't see it as a priority.

23:15 Or a problem.

23:17 Yeah.

23:17 They don't see it as a priority problem. They're like, I have other things to worry about. It's whatever. Back burner, back burner, back burner until everything blows up. Then you are at the bottom of bottoms and you are just like, All right. What do I do? Do I stay here or do I swim up?

23:33 For real.

23:34 This may sound a bit weird and contradicting coming from me, but I just really felt that if my wife was going to give me a new chance, it should be because there is something salvageable, not because of possible guilt. Oh, wow.

23:48 Who wrote this for you? This is not the same guy from earlier.

23:52 Chat team, put in chat GPT. What sounds really good after I cheat? So.

23:58 Do you know anyone that's cheated and gotten back together and it's worked out okay? I do.

24:03 Really?

24:04 I do. I have two family members. I have one set where the partner caught them cheating. They divorced. And then I caught, I know one set where they found out that they were cheating like a few years later, stayed together. But the amount of come to Jesus moments that they had throughout that, crazy. But they're stronger than ever.

24:24 One of the best relationships and loving relationships that I've ever seen. But again, it was like with, they went through a lot of marriage counseling and talked and walked with God a lot of the time to do that. And now they worship together. And it's like one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

24:38 Yeah.

24:39 And sometimes that's what it takes. People never, you know, you only, what is it? What is it saying?

24:44 You only fart once.

24:46 It's like, you don't know how much something means to you until you lose it.

24:49 Ooh. Yeah. Oh, my 3DS.

24:51 My 3DS.

24:52 Oh.

24:57 My Game Boy Advance.

24:59 Just kidding.

24:59 I found it.

25:00 Good for you. Must be nice.

25:02 I have like three of them.

25:04 Can I borrow one?

25:05 Yeah. It's not a good situation to be in. And also, I just feel... I don't know. I've never seen someone cheat and then they end up back together and stronger than ever. That has never been... Because that's like one in a million chance, I feel. A lot of these stories, people or people just become complicit. They're like, well, whatever.

25:24 And then they continue to cheat, whatever.

25:27 I feel like it helps to have an accountable community around you whenever you get back together. They had that.

25:31 Yeah.

25:32 People calling them out on their BS.

25:34 Both of them. That, going to like group stuff and figuring out.

25:38 I feel like that's what you need in life is an accountable community.

25:42 Oh, you definitely need support. You need support, but you also need people to call you out. Because if people only support you, you'll never learn from your mistakes because you don't think they're mistakes.

25:51 I called my buddy out last night. Really?

25:54 For not hanging out with you?

25:54 We were playing basketball.

25:55 Oh.

25:55 And he did something stupid. Like, we lost the game because of what he did. I was like, bro, what were you thinking? And then he called me and apologized. I was like, we're all good, but what were you thinking?

26:05 Dang.

26:06 Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. But I see your point, too. One in a million chances.

26:10 Yeah.

26:11 If I was in this situation... You out?

26:14 Yeah.

26:14 I couldn't because it's just, for me... That trust will never come back. I don't like that. I would always think it would always be in the back of my head, whatever, blah, blah. I would just rather be alone. I don't even know if I could trust after that. That's the thing. Once you've been hurt so many times, it's so hard to find the good in people.

26:31 Good point. I'm just thinking the wife has so much responsibility dependent on her partner that she needs that in order to live. We didn't really see it that much, but I know there's some sort of support she lost by not having him around.

26:45 Well, she obviously still loves him. It's not like the love just goes away. She obviously still loves him because they just embrace. The first thing they do is just embrace for whoever knows how long, and then they go into it.

26:56 Good point, good point.

26:57 I mean, I've done that plenty of times with my ex. Just be like, you know, we had a fight, whatever, I'm gone, and then boom. She completely agreed and said that while she hasn't forgiven me, she wants to try again.

27:08 I knew it.

27:10 It was pretty interesting how she worded it. because she said something along the line of, I am giving up this old relationship. I want us to build a new relationship, even if it is on a shaky foundation.

27:21 That's their relationship.

27:23 Okay, why would you want to start off on a shaky foundation? I mean, I would have to see him do the work.

27:29 I mean, millions of people cross that Brooklyn Bridge every day, and that's not on a stable foundation.

27:36 There were far more things we discussed regarding what had happened in our future. But bottom line is that we are not separating. And the thing is, Opie, you got a good woman. Don't F up again.

27:49 Don't ever talk to Jenny again.

27:52 We are moving back home together soon, but that doesn't mean that things are going to be all fine and dandy. It's just a slow process we have begun to start something new. I am nervous, but hopeful. Yeah, I would be too. I don't know how this is going to turn out. All I know is if as long as you keep doing what you're doing, working on yourself, working on each other and doing what you need to do, doing your responsibilities as a husband. Focus on that.

28:21 Tough one. That's y'all's. That's y'all's circus.

28:25 But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up.

28:28 Let's go.

28:29 Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Jersey girl here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

28:37 My in-laws tried to keep my kids after I said we were moving. Um, those aren't mine, by the way. I, 34 female, met my husband while I was doing an exchange semester in Australia when I was 20. We later got married and I moved to Australia permanently. We have two kids, six female and four female, and I'm four months pregnant. Whoa, three little babies in the new street. Cute.

29:07 My husband passed away three months ago.

29:09 Oh, my God.

29:12 Sometimes with these stories, you never know what the next sentence is going to hold for you.

29:17 Not us being like, oh, baby. And there goes my husband.

29:21 It was and still is horrible. With my husband not being here anymore, I want to move back to my home country. I think it'll be good for my kids because the education system over there is heaps better. But the main reason... is that I need my family, my four-year-old doesn't really have an opinion on it. My six-year-old is excited because my parents have horses. Here in Australia, my husband's parents look after our kids Monday to Friday as my husband and I both had full-time jobs. So obviously, they're close. Mother-in-law and father-in-law are very attached to the kids and I'm Love being grandparents. By the way, this comes from Allie3477. And if you want to spread your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Riley.

30:09 And I'm Savannah.

30:10 Savannah and I are going to read this goofily. If you have anything you'd like to add, please add it down below because we don't know it all. Opie says, Didn't.

30:16 It was ugly.

30:25 They asked me how dare I take away their grandchildren after they lost their only son.

30:34 Oh, no.

30:35 Oh, my God.

30:38 This is hard. Dang. Oh, no. I didn't know that was the direction it was going.

30:45 Me neither. They said my husband would be disappointed and he'd want his children to grow up in Australia. I had to leave because I couldn't handle the situation. I feel guilty because my husband did want to stay in Australia, but mainly because that's where we settled. I don't think he'd be disappointed. I think he'd understand. But I feel so guilty, but also angry. I feel like it was cruel of mother-in-law and father-in-law to say what they wanted.

31:14 I plan to come back to Australia regularly because I don't want to deprive my children of their heritage and it has become my home over the years. Basically, is it wrong to move back home? We have some additional details from Opie. Where is home? Opie says, when I said home in the post, I mean Switzerland, but I have two homes, I guess. Opie, I'm going back to Switzerland.

31:36 My in-laws are good with the kids, but they are not my biggest fan, especially my mother-in-law. They definitely can't be my support system. Oh, so they're just watching the kids, but they're not asking how you are. Yeah. They're making Pavlov for the kids, but not for you.

31:56 Oh, this is really hard. Oh, God, Opie. Why? I mean, because it's like you look like the bad guy. The bad guy, I put in quotes, to your in-laws because you're taking away the kids after they lost their son. But also, you lost your husband. You lost the father of your kids. And you're pregnant again currently. So I think you have a say in where you want to go in terms of, I don't really want to live here anymore because I was here with my husband and now I'm reminded of all this stuff. I want to be closer to my family, which is completely normal.

32:40 Your choice, man. Can in-laws move or visit? I don't think they can move. They only speak English. Immigration policy won't allow it. and they pretty much live off Central Link. But they are welcome to visit, and we'll visit too. Regarding the arrangement with in-laws for childcare, it was actually 32 hours a week.

33:00 Those are their kids. Hate to say it, but those are their kids.

33:04 You're getting, what, 40, 48 hours out of the week?

33:10 I mean, when I had to babysit, or when I would go over my brother's house when he first had his kid, I mean, I was over there all the time, all the time, and then I moved here. I was like, oh.

33:20 Yeah.

33:21 It's just like, oh, I miss them.

33:24 OP, they didn't watch them for free, though.

33:27 Oh.

33:27 OP says, we didn't pay as much as we would normally do for childcare. We paid $ 300 a week. But how am I not the a-hole because we paid, but it would be wrong if we hadn't paid? I don't understand how that would give them a claim to my children. Opie says, have the kids been to Switzerland? Opie says, altogether, the oldest probably spent one and a half years in Switzerland.

33:50 They have met pretty much all of their relatives and speak Swiss German, German and French. I have discussed the move with my therapist as well as my children's therapist. Why not stay in Australia? Opie says, what's right for me is right for my children in this case. They need a strong mother. I will soon have a newborn too.

34:10 My in-laws can't help me with the baby. Father-in-law is 74 and not the fittest anymore. Do you suggest I stay there for another five years and then uproot my children's life in the middle of their school career? And who's going to help me when I come home from the hospital, torn apart and still bleeding? Besides, I've taken a job where I'm making 800 CHF a month. That's $ 12, 000 AUD. Here I make 1,000 AUD a week.

34:40 Oh, wow.

34:41 So you even have a job.

34:43 That's 3X-ing your money.

34:44 Yeah, this might be the, I mean, not might, this is the right move.

34:48 Yeah, that's hardly enough for three kids. Opie says, I'm a high school teacher for two subjects, one of which is a bit rare. High school teachers in Switzerland earn a lot, especially if they work at gymnasiums. And if they have a year of experience. Guess who's moving to Switzerland?

35:06 I don't think they mean gymnasium in the same way we mean gymnasium.

35:09 Gymnasium?

35:11 I'm not sure.

35:11 Acrobatics?

35:12 There's no way that a PE teacher is, like, getting bucco bucks.

35:18 Never know. What do you make the next LeBron James? Or next Victor Wimbignano?

35:22 In high school? Or, like, in middle school, you know?

35:25 Olympians.

35:26 Yeah, but you don't get paid for teaching Olympians.

35:29 Opie says, unfortunately not. My family cannot visit as Australia has banned visitors due to the current situation.

35:36 Oh, so this is also during the vid, I'm guessing.

35:39 The pandemic. How do you move during the pandemic? Opie says, yes, I can. Switzerland is open, but we won't be moving right now. We're moving in August. Opie says, it won't be too late in my pregnancy. Generally flying up to 36 weeks pregnant is okay. Opie says, will you visit Australia? Opie says, yes. Yeah, I was planning on going back during the summer holidays for five weeks. This would obviously be winter in Australia, but it will still be good.

36:04 Update 19 days later.

36:06 Yeah, it's not like these kids are never going to come back, but they have to understand that you're not doing this to hurt them. This isn't your intention. It's. The best for your family and for you. You're, you know, you've lost someone who was the other parental figure. Like you can't do all this on your own and they are not going to help as much as you would think. Yep.

36:27 If this happened to me, truly, and Angie passed away, I'm getting out of LA. I'm going to North Carolina.

36:32 Why?

36:32 Well, her parents are older. They're like, it's the same thing. Same exact thing. Yeah. Any support system?

36:39 Like not that you hate the in-laws or anything. That is not what anyone's saying here. But it's just realistically and logistically, how is this going to work? You know, for me, for the kids, for them.

36:51 Dude, she's got a great thing. The grief that the grandparents are going through, cannot imagine.

36:56 Oh, yeah.

36:57 Could never imagine burying my own son.

37:00 Yeah.

37:01 Horrible thing. Horrible thing.

37:02 Oh, yeah.

37:03 Terrible.

37:04 And also.

37:04 And they got a right to be selfish.

37:06 I can see. Yeah, they do. But also... I feel like they would be very pissed either way. Like whether the husband was alive or not.

37:16 Fair.

37:17 And they wanted to move, you know, they'd still be pissed. So I really don't think it has anything to do with that. It's more so just the kids.

37:24 What do you guys think? Let us know down below. This is interesting. Would you stay or would you go? Update 19 days later.

37:31 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And we're going to get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. It's been nearly three weeks since my last post. A lot has happened since. First off, we're back home in Switzerland and the kids are okay. As planned, we moved in with my family. The kids are bonding with their grandparents and cousins and all the animals. They're set up for therapy as am I. The events leading up to this, I went back to my in-laws to explain my side of the story. I told them again that we would be coming back right now. I need to make sure that I can be a good mom to my kids. They were very understanding and asked if they could take the

38:12 kids the next day.

38:13 I agreed and dropped them off. However, pickup didn't go as planned. The kids weren't ready and father-in-law told me that they decided it would be best for everyone if they stayed with them for a while as I was clearly unstable. Uh-oh.

38:29 Crazy because they're just causing more problems. Now it's like, now I don't even think we will come and visit you anymore. All you had to do was be okay with it and now you're being weird. Well, the thing is, Now they probably have also told the kids, like, mommy wants you to leave. You really want to leave us?

38:44 You know, like manipulating kids. That's where I draw the freaking line. Do not get in my kid's head.

38:50 There was screaming, tears, threats, and lots of ugly things were said. I called my lawyer who told me to call the police. Luckily, it didn't come to that. And they gave me back the kids. Honestly, that was it for me. Trust gone. Yeah. I booked flights for us and arranged what I could in such a limited time space.

39:10 I told my in-laws they had seriously hurt my trust and that I would need time to think about what this means for the future. They were allowed to say goodbye to the kids in person. We arrive at home on Monday. The kids already video called my in-laws as I want to make it as easy as possible for them to transition. Smart mom dude I am so impressed by how you're moving girl.

39:33 Yeah truthfully wow you got resilience girl.

39:37 Oh dude like.

39:39 Crazy amount of resilience and while you're pregnant I mean super mom right here.

39:44 I'm very hurt and disappointed that it had to end this way but also hopeful for the future Right now, I'm enjoying getting pampered by mom, who's very excited to be part of this pregnancy. In the future, I'll try to rekindle the relationship with my in-laws.

39:58 That's it.

39:59 Yeah, I would say right now, just so the transition is good for your kids, you know, ego aside and problems aside, you do want to make sure that you don't just cut them off.

40:10 Yeah.

40:11 The kids. That's going to do more damage than good. Facts. But I would just say, you know, supervised visits. Maybe like 15 to 30 minutes, as long as they can... focus and whatnot, but like supervise phone calls and that's it. And if it gets to that point where they start being weird on the phone call, that's it. You get one chance.

40:30 There we go.

40:31 I am not throwing away my shot.

40:34 He did though. And he paid the price for it.

40:36 He did throw away his shot. Wow. He did throw away his shot. But that's the end of that story. We got another one coming right up. My separated wife is spending every day with another man. I'm losing it.

40:49 Sounds like your divorced wife.

40:51 My wife and I have been married for about a year and a half. She asked to separate on June 26th. We are still legally married and haven't filed for divorce yet.

41:01 Oh, brother.

41:03 Before our separation, my wife had pretty strong opinions about opposite spicy sleep friendships. I had several female friends from college, and she was uncomfortable with the idea of me spending time one-on-one with another woman. I respected that throughout our relationship and didn't do it because I knew how she felt.

41:20 There's a male co-worker of hers I'll call Sean.

41:23 Sean! It's a sheen.

41:26 It's Sean. Sean!

41:28 Where's the H come in? There's no H there.

41:30 I didn't say she. Sean.

41:31 No, you said Sean. There's no H.

41:33 Even before our separation, I sometimes felt uneasy about him because she mentioned him fairly frequently, although I don't have evidence that anything inappropriate happened between them while we were together. You know what I hate?

41:46 What?

41:46 Hot take. I feel like everyone who is always like, you can't be with the opposite gender, blah, blah. It's always projection because they want to do it. And so they're like, you can't do it. You can't do it. And they make you feel bad when it's like, that's not my attention.

41:59 Hmm.

42:00 I have a friend where in their relationship, they have one rule each. Her rule for him is that he can't have female best friends, but she can. You know what his rule for her is?

42:11 What?

42:11 She can't fart around him.

42:12 She can't fart around him? Okay, well, that's weird and sick and twisted.

42:17 Why?

42:18 You can't have female friends. Okay, well, you can't fart around me. Doesn't seem like a fair trade-off.

42:22 It's one of my good friends from high school.

42:23 That kind of pisses me off.

42:25 Yeah, and I'm her friend.

42:26 Oh, you're her friend?

42:27 Wow. And I was like, oh, oh. I haven't talked to her in a while. I catch up sometimes, but interesting. Cool.

42:34 Since separating, they've started spending a significant amount of one-on-one time together. According to her, they have the same days off, and he's somewhat socially awkward and doesn't have many friends, so they've been hanging out. By the way, this comes from J3234, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

42:54 I'm Riley.

42:55 And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we don't have all the answers. We're just going to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Hopi says, last week they took a day-long road trip together. And what do you think they did on there? What do you think happened on that trip?

43:11 They're driving Roadhead.

43:13 Exactly.

43:14 So next question. Are they going towards divorce or are they going towards staying together?

43:20 So that was not discussed. The only thing that OPS said is they are separated, but they haven't divorced yet.

43:28 Okay, so they're heading towards divorce.

43:29 I would think so with context clues, but I'm not sure.

43:32 This is what I have.

43:33 Oh.

43:34 Together, divorced, they're here. If you're heading to divorce and you're like a month or two away, dude, you're divorced. You're divorced.

43:41 What?

43:42 If it's going to end here within a couple of weeks, bro. It's not your wife anymore, dude. It's about to be your ex-wife.

43:49 They drove about three hours from where she was staying to a museum based around something she really likes, went to a movie afterwards, and then drove back. A few days later, she recorded a three-mile evening walk on Strava in his hometown. Not you stalking her on Strava.

44:07 Why?

44:07 So many people do that.

44:08 Dude, also, the amount of military bases that have been leaked because of Strava.

44:13 Really?

44:13 Yeah. People... Strava is a public thing. And a lot of people in the military document their runs. And it's like, oh, interesting. Someone just did a three mile run in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

44:27 Huh.

44:28 Wonder what that could be.

44:31 This week, they're spending another day together at a lake. Boy, you jealous. I've now asked her directly about him twice because I don't want to accuse her based on assumptions. She has consistently told me they're only friends.

44:42 Okay, great. And guess what? You can now have female friends because you're no longer together.

44:47 During our most recent conversation, I specifically asked whether they've kissed, touched romantically, or done anything physical. She said no. She said the most that's happened physically was a side hug. The part that has me thinking is that she also told me that she explicitly told him she doesn't want to start anything and doesn't want to jump into another relationship right now.

45:10 He's either waiting it out or J with a G.

45:13 On one hand, I actually see that as a positive because she's apparently establishing a boundary with him and has repeatedly told me nothing romantic or physical is happening. On the other hand, part of me wonders why the I don't want anything conversation needed to happen at all if this is a completely platonic friendship.

45:33 On the other other hand, why are y'all separated?

45:37 Yeah, what happened? I feel like that's a big indicator on why what's happening.

45:42 Why are we reading this story, dude?

45:44 Yeah, we're reading it with half the information. And he's just like, why is my wife going out with someone else when we're separated? Because you're separated. That's why.

45:52 And if they're friends, that should make you feel a little bit better. I don't know.

45:56 And you stalking her on Strava is crazy.

45:58 Dude.

45:59 You're the problem. She went on this, you know, this three hour trip and they went to go see a movie. They posted about it and then they drove back home. So then I called her and she said nothing happened.

46:10 Okay, bro. Get a hint. Get a freaking hint.

46:15 It makes me wonder whether he's expressed interest or whether there's at least some recognition between them that this could become something more. I don't know that, though, and I don't want to turn speculation into fact. The other thing I'm struggling with is what feels like a double standard. During our marriage, she wasn't comfortable with me spending one-on-one time with female friends, and I respected that even though some of those friendships existed before I met her. Now we're separated but still married, and she's taking day trips, going to movies, going on evening walks, and spending a day on the lake one-on-one with another guy, specifically one I had already felt uneasy about before the separation. Dude.

46:54 did you talk about what happens during a separation? Did you sit down and be like, okay, so this is a separation. We're leaning towards divorce.

47:02 You know what?

47:03 Like you can go see other people. Like was that a conversation or what?

47:06 Yeah, true. I would have Googled what is a separated relationship in a marriage look like when it's leaning towards divorce? I would have given you all the answers. Also put Reddit at the end of it. Put Reddit at the end of it and you'd have all your answers.

47:19 It's just the fact of like, Did you have a conversation with her or not? Because it seems like you literally are just jealous and projecting and being like, well, when we were married. Yeah. You're not though.

47:30 Yeah. If I went on a break with my girlfriend, I would explicitly say. Exactly. We're not going to see other people. We're going to see how we feel after a little bit.

47:39 Yeah.

47:40 And if you don't respect that, then that's my clue.

47:42 You're done. Yeah. You discuss the terms.

47:44 That's what they do for wars.

47:46 Yeah.

47:47 And peace treaties.

47:48 Yeah. And so everyone's on the same page. And this might just be her friend who she has no romantic feelings about and is helping her get over you.

47:57 Or it could be some dude she's effing and also trying to get over you. Either way, not your problem.

48:03 Yeah, either way, you should have had the conversation.

48:06 Should have worked harder for your marriage earlier.

48:08 I mean, it's true though. Like if you didn't want this to happen, you should have tried harder.

48:13 I don't know.

48:13 I don't know what happened in the separation.

48:15 You know what someone told me once? You never know how much you like something until you lost it.

48:20 Yeah.

48:20 And that person was you 20 minutes ago.

48:22 Yeah, I know. I was like, so what I said. I also want to include that she created a whole Spotify playlist for their like day, including six hours and 20 minutes of songs with some being related to spicy sleep, kissing and so on.

48:37 Dude, why did you calculate that?

48:39 You stalking her Spotify now. You got to open your eyes.

48:44 We are reading between the lines. We understand why she left you.

48:47 Were you, like, obsessive about her?

48:48 I think so. He's giving us the exact time of the specific songs that talked about spicy sleep. And you know how you figure that out? You listen to them or you read the transcript of them.

48:59 I brought that up to her. I told her that I know we're separated and I'm not going to tell her what she can and can't do. Okay, then there's your answer.

49:07 There we go.

49:07 Like, that's it. That's the conversation.

49:09 What are we doing there? Like, literally.

49:11 So, you're going to be mad... when you guys are separated, but you're like, I'm not gonna tell you we can and can't do okay cool then then what are what are you doing what's the conversation then she's free to live her life and i'll live mine but i also told her that it hurts because it seems like the goal posts around opposite spicy sleep friendships have shifted now that the situation applies to her ultimately i told her i'm going to let her actions.

49:34 Speak for themselves savannah we're dating no one day i promise i'm gonna marry you We break up. Do I keep my promise?

49:42 No.

49:43 Anything that was in that bracket of time no longer applies to you anymore.

49:48 Yeah. My ex wanted to marry me. And I was like, if you get down on one knee, I'll laugh at you.

49:52 Damn.

49:53 Because I was like, we're not ready. I don't trust you that much. And thank God I got out of it because I always knew.

50:02 This is a segment where Savannah talks about her ex. Yep.

50:06 To be fair to my wife, I want to emphasize this. I have no evidence she's cheating or lying to me, even though some things seem or feel inconsistent.

50:14 Don't call her that. Don't call her your wife.

50:17 I thought that, too, immediately. I was like.

50:20 Soon to be your ex, dude.

50:22 Yeah, it's your ex. You guys are separated. That's your ex. You may still legally be married, but that's your ex.

50:28 In the eyes of the law, you're together. But right now, brother.

50:31 She has answered my questions directly and consistently denied anything romantic or physical with him. I'm choosing to treat what she's told me as the truth unless I'm given an actual reason not to. The bigger problem is what the uncertainty has been doing to me. I've caught myself checking her location, social media, and activity trying to piece together what she's doing. Yet we know. We know, OP. You're driving yourself absolutely insane. I know you asking her and her giving you an answer is not enough. So like what?

51:03 Do you need to stop talking to her? You guys are separated. You need to have another conversation. It's like, what do you need? What do you need, OP?

51:10 I know what he needs.

51:11 What?

51:11 To let go.

51:13 Yeah. It creates anxiety and makes me imagine things I don't actually know happened. I've realized that's unhealthy and that I need to emotionally detach from monitoring her life regardless of what she's doing. I've deleted my social media, muted her on Strava, disabled photo memory notifications of us, significantly cut back on checking her location, And I'm trying to spend less time on my phone. Good. Stay that way.

51:39 You know what? Just go hide under a rock while you're at it, too. Look how much sand's at the ocean.

51:44 I'm focusing on work, fitness, reading, and rebuilding my own life. I'm not asking Reddit to tell me she's cheating. None of you can know that. And neither can I, based on the information I have.

51:56 I'll give you the answer for the question you're not asking. That's not your wife anymore, man. Move on.

52:02 What I'm looking for is perspective.

52:05 Okay.

52:06 Does this sound like a normal platonic friendship during a separation, or would the frequency and type of one-on-one outings concern you too, especially given her previous boundaries around opposite spicy sleep friendships? And what do you make of her telling him she doesn't want anything to develop?

52:25 Does this guy not have brain cells? I'm sorry. I'm being hard on Opie.

52:31 No, and you should be, because this guy is... You're driving yourself off a wall. You're doing this to yourself, by the way, OP.

52:38 If you're at the point of life where you got married and now going through a separation, you should have the amount of brain cells to put this puzzle together that you are separated.

52:48 I really, really want to know why you guys separated.

52:51 I do know a couple that separated and got back together, but they were clear on their terms because we're planning on getting back together. They talked about it.

52:58 I know a couple, too.

52:59 You're here, dude. You're here. You're so close to divorce.

53:03 And it doesn't seem like she has any intention of getting back with you.

53:07 She's just being nice. She sounds like a nice person and doesn't want to confront you on how she actually feels and how she's living her life.

53:14 Is that reassuring because she's establishing a boundary or does the fact that the conversation happened suggest there may be interest from his side? Most importantly, for anyone who's been through a separation, how did you stop monitoring what your spouse was doing and get comfortable with the fact that you simply aren't going to know everything anymore? Well, my guy, you just gotta... You gotta relax.

53:38 I think we understand why you guys are separated. Yeah. Can't control everything anymore?

53:42 Yeah, what?

53:44 What?

53:45 Brother. Yeah, I know... OP, it sounds like you're spiraling, and I do feel bad for you. I do wish you, you know, peace of mind and everything else. But this is not you are torturing yourself doing this.

53:58 Anyone in the comments, have you guys separated before? And did you or did you not get back together? And how did that work out for you? Or have you ever been on a break? Have you ever been on a break?

54:06 Oh, yeah, plenty of times.

54:07 Did you ever get back with him? Yes. I'm going to bring on my ex. We went on a break three times.

54:12 Yeah, I went on a break also three times with my ex. Fourth one was not a break. That was a break up. I went a whole week. I told him I need a week. At first he yelled at me and said I wasn't allowed.

54:22 Well.

54:23 And then a month later I said, I'm going to take a break. And he said, okay, whatever you need. Didn't talk for a week. Well, he still tried to reach out. And I said, please respect. I don't want to talk. Blah, blah, blah. And then when we actually did talk.

54:34 That's great. Thank you.

54:35 He was like.

54:36 Thank you.

54:36 Just tell me. Just tell me you're breaking up with me.

54:38 Thank you. Thank you for that. Welcome.

54:41 Update. Thank you all for your opinions, whether harsh or not. Sometimes rose-colored glasses can make a fool out of us. I already knew that it wasn't going to work out, but I still felt super connected with my wife, as 95% of our marriage and six years of relationship was smooth sailing. So it came to me as a surprise that she gave up on it, and us seemingly so abruptly. In the end, it's my fault for making the mistake of marrying someone whose commitment was not strong enough for marriage or any difficult times that happen in life.

55:11 You're just screaming that you're the problem the whole time. You've taken no accountability for having any sort of, I don't know, impact on having a separation?

55:21 Yeah. It's like, I would love to hear her side of the story.

55:25 I'm stimming.

55:27 Obviously, I feel like a fool and a bit pathetic that I cared as much as I did while the signs were all right there in front of me. Whether or not she's actually having romantic relations with this guy while we're still newly separated... really isn't the issue. The issue is that I let it stress me out for as long as I did. And for all of you that say you're not together, so it's not your business, I get it. But I can tell you've never been married to someone you love. So you don't get it.

55:56 You just completely contradicted yourself. I get it. But you guys must have never actually been in love, though.

56:03 I was. I'm going to take this on a stretch. I don't even think he loves her.

56:07 I think he just wants to control her, truthfully. Sounds like a more controlling relationship.

56:11 Yeah. Love, you know what my definition of love is. If you've ever heard me speak about it. And I'm not getting any hint of that. No. I think she's attractive. I want to be with her. I want her to love me in XYZ way.

56:25 And also the big one, I don't want her to be with anyone else. But the thing is, you guys are separated. You don't control that.

56:31 Yeah, love's not spending all day with someone. Love's understanding someone for who they are.

56:36 Yes, it's understanding. It's growth.

56:38 There's some trend going around of like, love's not buying someone flowers. Love's not this, love's not that. Love is X, Y, Z. It's pretty good. Pretty good viral reel if you can look it up. TikTok has a really good SEO if you want to use those keywords to find it.

56:52 Okay.

56:52 Whatever that means.

56:53 Yeah, I don't know. Giving up on that part of life is so very difficult.

56:58 Yes.

56:59 Yes, it is. She also checked in on me occasionally. With all of that being said, I let her know that I don't want to stay in contact at all unless it's about our divorce. Dude, you were the one reaching out, asking her, do you like this guy? So what are you doing with this guy tonight? So I saw that you went on this trip. Does this guy like you or something? Like, you're the one asking about it.

57:21 She's the one being very like, no.

57:23 No, he's a victim now, dude. Stop it. He's the victim now. What are you talking about? Are you telling us he's not the victim? You're crazy. He's the victim. Have you not read the story at all? He's been the victim the whole time.

57:33 No.

57:34 He's been the victim of her moving on.

57:37 No wonder you're separated. That's all I'll say. I let her know that it's a boundary that she set and she crossed, and I will not be foolish enough to show care any longer. Blocked her, her family and friends on all socials, removed her from Find My, etc. to cut all ties. OP, every single thing that you say, you say it, and then you contradict it. I don't want to stay in contact at all, unless it's about our divorce. Blocked on everything.

58:02 I don't know. He's also got a lot of pride behind his words, and a fool with pride doesn't really go too far. I'm not hearing any lick of wisdom here. Yeah.

58:11 It hurts so deep, but why should I care? She obviously doesn't. Gonna keep on keeping on. Been in the gym the last two months and feeling great. This is the last weight I'm excited to stop carrying.

58:23 You know, low key kind of cook with that last line. It kind of cook with that last line.

58:28 It's just truthfully.

58:29 The intention behind it, horrible. But if that sentence was used in a different way by someone else with a different intention behind it, fire bar.

58:37 This reminds me of the song Jaded by Miley Cyrus. She has a line in there that I relate with. And it says, you broke your own heart, but you'll never admit it. And I believe, OP, you broke your own heart. Broke your own heart, but you'll never say that. That's what the quote is.

58:53 Wow.

58:54 It broke your own heart, but you never say that. And it's true because it's like you spiraling and doing nothing about it, but like blaming everyone else around you. You're doing that, by the way. She's living her life. She's getting out of here. she's going and you're like stuck in this like what's happening with her what is she doing i need to go what she's doing what what am i doing what's happening with me oh it's her fault that i feel this way like op all i'm gonna say oh say it suck up your pride and go to therapy there.

59:25 We go Stay in the gym too. But guys, that's it. We're done with this episode. If you have anything you'd like to add, please add down below. If you love us, make sure to subscribe. We're almost at 200K. We're probably going to be at 200K by the time we release this.

59:38 We love you. And see you tomorrow.