An Unlikely Affair: Dream Guys and Deal Breakers

0:01 Hi, Amber.

0:02 Hi, Lola.

0:03 Welcome to an unlikely affair. Good morning, everybody.

0:11 Welcome to another episode of an unlikely affair.

0:13 Good morning, Lola. Good morning.

0:16 So I'm really excited to talk about today's episode.

0:20 And compare notes because you know me, I love a good note. This was like a really good exercise. Did you know I've never done this in my whole life? I've been waiting for you to do this. Do you do this often?

0:31 No, I've done it once in like later sobriety after the first year with my sponsor. But I actually haven't looked at it, which is funny because the timing couldn't have been more perfect in my life.

0:46 And do you find that when you do this exercise, the list gets broader as you start to date? Like things go into your Non-negotiables, what you want as you go on. Yeah.

0:59 And I think that's what's so beautiful about dating is you learn what you actually really care about versus what you're like willing to like say, you know what, I'm going to let this one go.

1:08 The list gets very specific.

1:09 Yes.

1:10 Do you think that that hinders you from finding someone though? Do you think you could actually find someone who has all of the qualities on your list? I don't think that's the point.

1:22 I think that the point is just having a general idea of qualities, values, negotiables, non-negotiables, and even your dream guy. I think that that's a really good exercise to just, it's like reaching for the stars and see where you land kind of situation.

1:41 There is something that I realized last night. Tell me. I have been giving men that I've come in contact with names where it's like where I have met them. There's like mall man, delivery man, lifesaver. I don't give, I don't call them by their actual names. And for a moment I was like, yeah, that's like normal. Last night I was having a conversation with one of mine and Easton's friends and he's like, I do the same thing.

2:14 And I started thinking about it. I'm like, I think that's a way to protect myself. Like it's a way to still stay disconnected. Like you don't even have a name. So you can't get close to me. I'm very guilty of that. You do that too? Oh yeah. Oh yes. My list is a lot longer than yours too. It's bad.

2:36 But that makes sense. It's also kind of funny, too, in a way.

2:41 It does make me laugh. You know, when it doesn't work out, it's like, yeah, Cincinnati was a good run. Cincinnati was a good run. We've got Cincinnati. We've got Cunter. We've got Mallman. They all had a good run. Yeah. All of them. But goodbye. But goodbye. Not good enough. But then it doesn't work out and you're like, this is why I gave you a nickname. That wasn't very kind.

3:05 You know, I truly think maybe, call me crazy. Yeah. You crack me up.

3:13 I believe that when the right person comes into your life, you will want to call him by his name.

3:22 I agree. Yes. I do. I agree.

3:29 Okay, so let's get into it because I am dying to hear your list. So the first thing is five non-negotiables.

3:37 Yeah, I have the list. So it's one through six. The first is five non-negotiables, five negotiables, five dream guy qualities, three immediate deal breakers, one thing you used to think was a non-negotiable that you've changed your mind on, and one thing you don't care about when you were younger that is now non-negotiable. It's really, really funny, though, because some of these I was like, I can't just come up with five. There's more than five. A hundred percent.

4:02 So did you stick to the task at hand or did you?

4:05 Well, so I went back to my original handwritten list that I have. And then I kind of like reworked it because my list we this would literally literally be a two part episode if we went through my list.

4:15 I'm looking at your list and I definitely did not. OK, this is very, very basic. Wow. You can tell I have not dated much. Yeah, I mean, my list is, I mean, if you compare the two side to side. I love this. Your list is so good. I'm adding to my list. Let's start. Yes, okay. Because mine is lame. I'm so lame. No, yours is not lame.

4:35 Okay, so the first thing that I have on my non-negotiable, things that a partner needs to have, needs to have, or qualities you refuse to compromise on. This is probably one of the most important ones. Number one for me is integrity. You say what you're going to do. I've noticed in my life that I didn't realize how important, at 38 years old, having integrity. If you're telling me that you're going to show up, you're actually going to do it.

5:07 That is so sexy to me. Yeah. Yes. That's a turn-on. That is a huge turn-on.

5:13 Number two is accountability. It's not always the world's fault. There's nothing sexier than a man... A real man with cojones saying, you know what, babe?

5:29 Sorry. Like, that came out wrong.

5:32 Or like, baby, I'm so sorry. And then he like just grabs me and apologizes. I'm like, okay, all is forgiven.

5:38 All is well in the world. Yeah. Right? Generosity.

5:41 You naturally have to be giving, caring, a generous person. That is non-negotiable for me. I cannot wait to read my list.

5:48 You're going to die. These are so good, Amber. Empathetic.

5:55 I want you to naturally tap in. And this is where it gets very like, are you a boy or are you a man? Naturally tapping into the emotions of other people. Because I think that if you have that ability to be able to walk in and read a room or read if I'm having an off day or your employee is having an off day, that just shows me that you have a heart.

6:15 Yeah, you're a feeler. You feel the energy. Someone doesn't need to come up to you and say, I've had a bad day and this is why. You just can feel it. the presence of somebody and like the kind of date that they're having.

6:27 And you also can feel that they're feeling what you're feeling. So like I've been in dating relationships where I'm like, this guy has no fucking clue how I'm feeling right now. I just want my feelings validated.

6:42 Right.

6:43 Like he doesn't have to be like, Oh my God, I know that feeling. I I've been there before. Cause I'm a man and you're a woman. And like, maybe we walk different paths, but you definitely have to, You just have to be empathetic.

6:58 Oh, these are so great. Spiritual, something bigger than yourself, a purpose bigger than yourself. Oh yeah, you can't think that we're just like dead in the ground and that's what's done is done. Like you have to really wholeheartedly believe in a higher power. Let me tell you something, Amber. I think just based off of the relationships, the small amount relationships, situationships that I've been a part of, If we are not in alignment with our higher power and you believe in something different than I believe in, totally fine.

7:33 But I don't know that we're going to work out. You have to have the same type of spiritual belief that I have. And I just think when you go through like really, really, really difficult times and you have to rely on something greater than yourself, I need to know that we can come together and we're relying on the same thing. Yeah. It's that's a big, is that bad?

8:00 What do you mean? That's not bad. That's amazing.

8:03 That's how relationships and marriages get through really hard times when it's like, this marriage is clearly, you know, not in a great place or this relationship. We're both making mistakes. We got to get back on track. And like, you obviously can't rely on yourself. the program that I work, you can't rely on yourself. And that's just having faith that like something greater, the universe will bring you back together through unexpected moments and times in order to continue to have a successful relationship.

8:31 Yeah.

8:33 Um, two more discipline. I love a man who's disciplined. It's so sexy. It is so sexy. He's disciplined with his mind, his body. And I lastly put his eyes because integrity. That kind of just goes back to integrity.

8:49 What do you mean by that? His eyes. Like, he's just disciplined. He knows who his woman is in a room. Got it.

8:56 Like, I don't want you clocking every hot chick that walks through the door.

9:01 Like, you could look, but don't stare. They need to be non-existent to you. Right. But if a hot man walks in, like, I got to be able to look. Just kidding. I actually am really, really... When I'm walked into someone... You could put the hottest man, head to toe my type, and I don't think a thing about it. Yeah.

9:21 Because I'm like an emotional being. We've talked about this where like when I build a foundation and a structure with someone, I'm pretty, that's what I lean on.

9:31 Yeah.

9:32 Not like, oh, but someone hotter than you walked in. No, no. That is the last thing on my mind. No, the grass isn't greener. We know that. We're too old for that shit. Way too old. The last one is consistency. I just, I want to know what I'm going to get. I don't want surprises. I love consistency. I've always said the three things that are actually the hardest thing for a man to provide, which when you say them, it's pretty easy. Consistency, transparency, and time. I want, like, give me your time. yeah which i don't feel is that hard is that a lot to ask no it's not no it's not okay so those are my god after reading those i feel very like you're gonna die at mine okay let's hear it i always feel dumb reading

10:16 them now no don't My five non-negotiables. Marriage. It's a no. Oh. That's a non-negotiable. We will not get married. You need to at least want a dog. That's a big one. No, but that's actually more important than marriage in my opinion. You don't need to sit here and put your dog in a walker and do that whole bit. No. That's so unattractive. And let them eat out of your mouth.

10:42 But you need to love dogs. There's no such thing as an outside pet. Not happening. No. Unless it's a horse. Unless it's a horse. Or a cow.

10:54 But that's really sexy if you want the horse inside and we have a big ranch in Montana.

10:58 Very sexy, by the way. Another one is a co-parent. Whoever comes into my life can't think that like, oh, these are your kids. I used to feel that way where it was like anyone who comes into my life, like I don't need you a part of any of this. These are my kids. I need you to come in. And even though, yes, they are my kids, if I need you to pick one of them up from school, like, you have to melt into this lifestyle and my family dynamic. Yeah, I tell people when I'm dating, I'm like, listen, I'm a package deal. Mm-hmm. How do you feel about them disciplining, though? No. Mm-mm.

11:36 You can't. You cannot discipline another person's kids. What if it was, like, your man's? Well, your kids are older. What if they were... So, for example, like, when... I was with our ex and your children were young. When things would happen at the house, I would step in and be like, we cannot act this way. This is not okay. Let's talk through our feelings. How do you feel about that? Should I have not engaged? If you were with a guy, would you- No, because I know that there was no discipline happening.

12:10 So by you stepping in and disciplining them, I was okay. I, on the other hand, I've been in a relationship where- the discipline made me feel very uncomfortable. And I was like, wait a second. Now I have an issue with you, not my kid. Like, back the fuck up.

12:28 This is my kid. I'm the mom. Like, you defer to me.

12:32 If you have a problem with the way my kid's acting, you take me in the other room and we talk about it.

12:36 Totally. You don't discipline my kids.

12:39 Uh-uh.

12:39 That is, mama bear will come out and I will fuck you up. I'll fuck you up too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. It's reminding me of something that happened on a private plane one time. Oh. I got a Barbie thrown at me. By one of my kids? Yes. He must love sports. That's a non-negotiable. Yep. You need to want Seinfeld or Friends before bed. Another non-negotiable is messy. You cannot be a messy human, or I don't want any parts. Must be able to pull his wallet out because I am not playing sugar mama. Yep. A non-negotiable is my job.

13:32 He's got to be, like, cool with the way things move in the household. I love— these are great, by the way. Thank you. No, I really— they' re just very specific. I could say you have to love the Lakers. You have to— you know, like, these are great.

13:45 Mine are very— I could get deeper in mine, but mine are very aerial. Yours are very specific, which is beautiful.

13:52 Yeah, but they have nothing to do with who he is as a person. No, of course. Are you kidding me? I just find that if you want a dog or if you watch Seinfeld or Friends Before Bed, you're probably a pretty cool person. Those are really cute non-negotiables. My family unit is a non-negotiable. The way we operate, you have to be able to fuck with it. And by the way, it would be great if you have the same kind of yeah relationship with because like move them all in move them all in no where's your mom where's your brother we got room.

14:24 I have a question is that the last one is that number five that's number nine oh number nine okay if you were to rank because i feel like some of those are not ranked properly.

14:34 There well this isn't a ranking system.

14:36 Okay well if you were to choose on the spot i'm gonna put you on the spot right now if i were to put you on the spot what would you say is your number your top two.

14:47 Ooh, my top two. I think Seinfeld and Friends, Before Bed. That tells me a lot about a person. Okay. If you like those kind of shows, it tells me that our... What's it called? Our sense of humor is on the same wavelength.

15:05 Yeah.

15:07 And I would say the other one is probably... I think my job in my family unit would be the next. Okay, that's what I was hoping you were going to say. Yeah. Because that's really important for you. That's also not a ranking system. I just picked two in no particular order. Okay. Where's your vote? What are your five? I only have four non-negotiables in my five non-negotiables list. This is like handwritten. No, my first one that I did is handwritten. Yeah.

15:40 Okay.

15:40 Okay. Anyways.

15:41 So, I mean, I think I pretty much, like, my original list is emotional availability, communities clearly.

15:46 If you think I'm not going back in here and adding some of yours. No secrets. Look, I put shares calendar. You don't need to share your calendar with me. I was like, you know what? I don't know why. I must have been really upset. You don't need to share your calendar with me.

15:58 You know what I do love? I love when you plan a date and you invite me. I get, like, an invite, calendar invite for it.

16:06 That feels... A little too transactional for me.

16:10 No, but it's cute if it's, like, sexy time. Or, like, if it's labeled, like, it doesn't feel businesslike and it's cute.

16:17 I think if it were a one-off. If it were a one-off and you guys were, like, in a flirtatious mood or something. Yes. And then all of a sudden you got a calendar invite that it was, like, sexy time. To, like, my favorite time. Or my favorite concert. Starts at, you know, 5.30 p.m. You know? And you're like, oh, what could that mean? Oh, my God. The pressure. I couldn't take it. Okay.

16:36 What's the next... question the five negotiables what what are you able to like chill out on wait things that you prefer oh I have one thing okay what is it young kids oh okay so if someone has young kids you are you can move on that yeah I mean I think I'm in a really weird position because my kids are almost 13 and London will be 17 February 1st so it's like.

17:07 I'm six years away, if I'm doing the math correctly, from being an empty nester. So it's like, do I bring on someone's kids, someone who has younger kids? They would have to be a really special person for me to like, because I'm not just going to half-ass being a bonus mom, right?

17:26 Yeah, you're all in.

17:28 So that's like one thing that I'm like, okay, for the right person, I could totally.

17:34 I think I could. Okay. I love that. Yeah. I just have one. What's yours? I do want to state my previous list. The reason why the most important are at the bottom is I'm not going to forget those. When I started doing the list, I felt like I would forget ones that were part of my like non-negotiables. Yeah.

17:50 You were just going, you're so like anything that I thought of in the moment, it was like, I'm not going to forget my family unit and the way it operates. And I'm not going to forget my job because that's a big one.

17:59 Yeah.

18:01 My five negotiables, I have four. The first one is moving in together fully. For the right person, I could definitely consider that and move things around. Two, if you're really into Halloween, I could get on board.

18:16 Fine.

18:17 I feel the same way. Yeah. Three is someone who is older than my cap. So right now my cap is 42. And yes, as I said, cat, someone that's older than my cat, my cat. Okay. Your cap is 42. My cap is 42. That is obviously not a, like, as I get older, that goes up, right? Just like my youngest is like 27, 26. I'll go 26. Cause the 26 year old, I was hanging out with or dating for a moment was like very on his shit.

18:49 So 26. As I get older though, that's also going to. Yeah, I think 26 is a little young, but I'll let you have that one for now. Okay. I think 26 is a little young. You're going to think I'm so weird for this one. I already know you're weird. Okay.

19:02 It's just going to validate how I know how weird you are.

19:05 Negotiables. Even with my sweet angel donor baby. Kids, I go back and forth on that one. Hmm. I don't want to marry you, but I'm like, but I'll have a baby. If you put me in a dream world and you were like, this person is your forever. Like I promise you, like someone who had a crystal ball, like this guy's your forever guy. It would be like, all right, then I can for sure like procreate with this person. But even though it's a negotiable, it is something that I think would scare me. And I think the amount of time it would take, I don't want to lock myself out of that. Listen, when you're in love, you're like, I'll have a full basketball team for you. Yeah.

19:49 I really. think so. I think with the right guy, we're going to be planning some baby showers. That is so cute. Which I'm very excited about. All right. I'm definitely not having anymore. Dream guy qualities. Funny, lighthearted, finds my spirals endearing. doesn't shut me out, but doesn't add fuel to the fire, knows when to just say I'm right because I always reflect and come back around. He has to be able to read it and be like, you know what, this is where I back down because I always go in my room, I think about it, and I will always take responsibility for my part and apologize. Yeah, but you need space to do it first. Yes. To come to that conclusion. When I'm in a heightened state, I can't see anything except for I'm right in this moment.

20:38 I feel like I'm learning so much about you just for our relationship too, by the way.

20:42 Yeah. Keep going. Ask my mom in Easton. Yeah. It happened last night. Oh, did it? Yeah. And I came back around and I was like, you know what? I said, Easton, I would like to take this moment to And ask you to open your heart and make space for me to make an amends. You said that?

21:01 Yeah.

21:02 And what did he say? He was like, he was, wow, I really appreciate that. Yeah. I was like, do you hear me? I'm very sorry. And he was like, yes, I hear you. And you're forgiven. And then we laughed about it. Oh my God. I love that. And it was all about like him moving into the basement. When we lived at our old house and like me, it was like a bunch, you know, kids that are like that person was favored.

21:25 Yeah.

21:26 Even things that I was always the favorite because of things that I got. And I have the opposite. I'm like, you were a baby bird in that fucking family. Yeah. I got a B and got my ass ripped to shreds. You'd forget to turn in homework for the past week. And mom was like, it's okay. I'm just going to write on your folder, take home and turn in. And if it's on the turn inside. needs to be turned in.

21:47 That would never happen. So just younger and older sibling shit. Um, he needs to be close with his family. That's a dream guy. Quality loves my family. Like it's his own, a guy who would call my friend to plan something cute for me. A man who was in sync with me sexually. Cause I gotta be honest. I'm done. I can't, the only way I'm going to get super fucking freaky with you is if I feel comfortable. A hundred percent.

22:16 I'm not into this. And I can be freaky, but I need to feel hella comfortable with you. I need to feel very comfortable. I'm over these men who are like, hey, you want to, like, I'm trying to say goodbye to you tonight. Lick my balls. I'm like, I don't, like, I'm not drop off. I don't want to lick your balls.

22:33 Isn't that the bus stop? Can we talk about this later? And hey, sometimes I am in the mood to like talk about this at drop off. But like, let me, let me like run game. You got to be in sync with me. When I have my nighttime routine and I come out of the bathroom greased up, he still thinks that I'm beautiful. Oh, yeah. Just use it. Like, bring that lube over here, baby. Let's take the lube from your face and put it down. I need a little bit more. Multipurpose. Exactly. Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, yeah.

23:06 Face cream that acts as lube.

23:08 Like a face oil that is good for your face but also can be interchangeable to sexual.

23:13 Wow. You're on to something here. I just thought of something. Most importantly, I want to feel so comfortable with someone. I can be gross. I can be dramatic. I can have my flaws and quirks, and they're still in love with me. Oh, I love that. I love that so much. I want to be driving home with you and me being like, babe, you got to go fast because it ain't sitting right. And him be like, okay. Like, I'm on it. You know? Like, that's how comfortable I want to be.

23:41 Yeah, yeah.

23:51 Okay. So this is my list for my dream guy.

23:53 And this is my initial list from like over a year ago. Um, wants me and no, in no particular order wants me deeply, not casually, um, keeps intimacy alive. I love that sexual desire, um, has a strong career takes initiative plan leads, embraces my girls fully full of adventure and laughter wants to build a life.

24:18 Um, Makes life bigger together. Proud to be with me. Holds my hand. Romantic trips. Surprises me. Coffee in bed. Romance. A little nerdy. You know me. I love a good nerd.

24:35 Has seats at the Lakers or Clippers, but preferably the Lakers, but also for the Clippers because it's in LA. Loves sports, especially basketball. Takes care of himself. I'm tall, loves to plan trips, loves to travel with me, and financially successful, and between the ages of 40 and 52.

24:53 I'm adding tall to my list, too.

24:55 Yes.

24:56 Six three minimum.

24:57 And by the way okay like with those if i hit like a.

25:01 Handful yeah i feel like that's good that's great because these are dream guy qualities like this isn't a part of like your non-negotiable and negotiable list those things are like these are hard and.

25:11 Fast rules right if i could check a few of these dream guy qualities i will be so happy um Yeah, like.

25:19 If he didn't have season tickets, he wouldn't be like, meh. Well, I don't know. But I'm not worried because I know that I will be. You're going to have season tickets. I'm going to have season tickets. Totally.

25:27 So.

25:30 Three immediate deal breakers. I mean, I'm at 10. I have 10 deal breakers. Only talks about themselves. I hate that. Snarfs. Do you know what snarfing is?

25:41 No.

25:41 Or they go. Oh, God.

25:43 Done.

25:43 I'm out. I'm out. Get the. Fuck away from me. I know. That's so gross. It's disgusting. I'm going to throw up the eggs I ate this morning. It's disgusting. That's called snurfing? I call it a snarf. It's disgusting. I hate it. Not clean. Deal breaker. Words and no action. Big talker, but like they can't back it up. Doesn't connect with my friends and family. These are all not in order, obviously. Wants to be out all the time and is a night owl. Not happening. Deal breaker. Oh, I love that one. I'm Adding that one. Drugs. I know that that seems like something that is very weird.

26:22 They can have drinks, right? But if you think when a guy comes into my life, I'm not going to be clocking. Of course, I'm not clocking what my friends drink, right? I don't really give a fuck. A guy who's coming in, I'm clocking. I'm clocking the drinks. And if you even do drugs recreationally, I'm out.

26:44 No.

26:45 Like I don't even want you to be smoking weed. You know, not happening. Yeah. Um, doesn't like football. That's an immediate deal breaker. Thinks reality TV is dumb. We got a real problem. Yeah. Lack of understanding. My kids will always come first. I don't want any pressure. I need them to, to be in this lifestyle with me. Yeah.

27:07 So if it's like Babe, I have this thing that we should go do on this night. And I go, well, Ocean has to be up for school at 630. It's like, and I don't even know why you're bringing this up because you should already fucking know that. Like I want it to, I need like a teammate.

27:23 Yes. Someone that's going to make your life easier, not more difficult where you're like feeling like, ugh. Like now I'm caught in between. Like keep making you happy and showing up for the duties.

27:34 That I have on a, you know. Yes. That's a big one. Like, I really need you to be in sync with me on that. Yeah. And the wording of everything, right? He needs to know how to talk to me. Like, if you have something really fun you want to go and do, you should be like, hey, babe, I know we have to be up super early because Ocean's got to be at school. But just so you know, we are invited to this thing, like, if you want to think about it. Yeah. Because then I feel like, oh, okay, I'm seen. He didn't forget what the mornings are like. Right, right, right.

28:05 It's important. You really, I am really funny about the way things are worded, which is so funny because I'm like, presentation doesn't mean shit. If I deliver something to you, if I deliver a bag of shit to you, why does it matter if it's in a paper bag or a nicely wrapped box? Yeah, it's still shit. It's still shit, right?

28:21 But then when it comes to me, I'm like, wrap it in a nice bag.

28:27 And then I'll think about opening it and considering what I'm going to do with it. Emotional avoidance. I think this has been a very on like an ongoing theme in my life. Someone who dismisses my feelings. And again, it goes back to like feeling safe to express my feelings. And by the way, I might not always be right or I might not have understood the situation, but I least need to express how I interpreted it and how I saw it. And I need you to be like, okay, I get it. I could see how that came. Like you may have felt like that, but it was actually like this, babe.

29:02 This is the.

29:02 Reality of how that situation took place. And then that just goes on to makes me like my needs aren't too much because I feel like in a way I'm a little bit of a needy person. I think just because of my life, like what I've been through, what I want, like I feel like I'm okay saying, yeah, like I.

29:24 Have a lot of needs. I don't think there's anything wrong with that because I like to think that I'm a pretty independent person. Like one could argue like, no, you're codependent on your family. And like, I'm not blind to that. But the overall. I'm an independent human. But when I find someone who I connect with, I can become very needy as well. very like i need the love i need the cute texts i mean and.

29:54 By the way it changes like i could say babe today i'm feeling really fucking needy i need you to just like hold me or like babe i'm really needy and i need to connect like can we please jump in bed and i need you to make really slow soft sex or it could be like babe i'm fucking i need you to.

30:13 Just give it to me right now I need you to pound me out. Please. But see, that goes back to just communicating with your partner. Today, I'm in this headspace. You have to feel safe, though, to be able to communicate to your partner. I know.

30:24 Because some people I've dated, and I'm like, I do not feel safe expressing my needs.

30:30 No, because then you feel like when you do that, you feel emotionally robbed when they don't see you or hear you.

30:37 Yeah, yeah.

30:38 Yeah. Like I just gave you a really large piece of myself. And for me, being vulnerable with a man is not something I just give away. No. So when I do, I hold on really fucking tight. It's funny.

30:49 The last few guys that I've dated, they've actually said like, you're not opening up. And it's like, cause I really, I'm not feeling safe enough. Like I fucking read the room and read people and like this environment, I'm just not just don't feel like it's not a safe space to feel vulnerable. Yeah.

31:09 And it takes a lot for me to do that. Um, okay. Plant medicine. I know this sounds so strange. It freaks me out. Plant medicine. When people do plant medicine. Like, what do you mean? Like mushrooms? Like mushrooms or they go to a doctor and now I'm like on a, a microdosing mushrooms. I mean, microdosing is an interesting thing.

31:32 You could be dating someone and they have like three great trips of ayahuasca or journeys doing ayahuasca.

31:36 And then that fourth or fifth trip fucks them up bad. It fucked my friend up.

31:42 Really?

31:43 She had a great experience two times. She went back for a third and she said it was like she had entered the devil's lair. Yeah, it scares me. I love a woo woo moment. So when you start telling me like, I'm going to go and I'm going to do an ayahuasca trip with, I'm like, I just, no, no, it's too, you're not my guy. No, too fragile. Let's just like talk about like our, our charts and alignment.

32:11 What does our Zodiac sign say for this month? That's as far as we're going. Once you're like, let's talk about our Zodiac signs while we take a little hit of, we drink the ayahuasca and then microdose. It's like, This just seems like a way that you want to get like really fucked up and then like slap the word spirituality onto it. Yeah. Not my type of spirituality. Which, by the way, if you're my homie, I love it.

32:34 Let's talk about it. My partner, there are very different rules. Yes, of course. An inconsistent effort. Like just be consistent. Consistent. It's the fucking easiest thing to do on the planet. Not for a lot of these guys. Do you consistently work every day? Yeah. So just like consistently date me then.

32:51 Maybe that's my problem. I got to find someone that consistently works. It's hard in LA. Yeah. Everyone's like, yeah, I'm just working. They're like on a stroll. I'm like, really? And then I'll be like hiking on the off occasion. And there's like a bunch of people doing Runyon. I'm like, where the fuck, don't you guys have fucking jobs? And then I'm looking at my own self being like, LA busy.

33:15 LA busy. Everyone's LA busy. They probably do what you do, bitch. Calm down. What do you think? You're above everyone else? So it's one thing you used to think was a non-negotiable? Yeah. Okay. Wanting someone who was sober and didn't drink. Wow. That's a great one.

33:29 Yeah.

33:30 I would say that mine goes back to kids. And then one thing that you used to think was a non-negotiable that you've changed your mind on?

33:37 Yeah, so I was like, I'm only going to date someone who's sober because how could I stand being around alcohol?

33:43 Now I'm like, okay. Okay, so mine is the kids. And then one thing you didn't care about when you were younger that is now a non-negotiable. Mine's pretty much everything. I think when you are younger, there's not a whole lot of life experience. And the road that you and I took leaving small towns or cities that we came from, moving to LA, we were exposed to a lot. that the average person is not exposed to. So now with my life experience, I move very differently than I did when I was dating and young and just didn't have, you know, I was naive to what I thought certain things only existed on the news and dateline until I was like actually living it. And I was like, Oh shit, I really need to be more careful about the way

34:30 that I move. That's really good. Mine's really not that deep. That's fine. You just have to make me laugh. Oh, that's so cute. That's really important. Just make me laugh.

34:40 Life is so, like, life is so heavy and dark sometimes. And, like, laughter is the greatest thing that just brings me back to just.

34:49 If you have all the things and you can make me laugh, I'm here for the long haul. Yeah. Yeah, where when you're younger, you're like, he's so sexy and thinking like that's the only thing that matters. Yeah. Like, look at his body. Look at his face. Doesn't he have baby-making eyes? It's like, bitch, what do you guys talk about? Talk about? Yeah, yeah. Riley's at that age.

35:12 She's like, oh, he's fine. I'm like, ugh, you have no idea. Fucking 12-year-old. You guys, thank you for listening to another episode of An Unlikely Affair. We love you, and we will catch you next week.

35:25 Bye.

35:26 Bye. Bye.