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Lala hears listeners most outrageous revenge stories. The result? Rotten eggs, contaminated soap, and toothbrushes being put where no toothbrush should ever go!
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Hello gorgeous it's lala kent welcome to untraditionally lala hello my gorgeous sorry are you on one it's really good i.
Played fucking a hell of a game yesterday i.
Know you're talking about it again i know i don't have much going on That's completely false.
I know. I just like to, you know, slip it in. You know what? You should give yourself a pat on the back.
I was very proud of you waking up at whatever time on a Sunday to miss football and go and play. So I posted on social media and was like, you know what I want to know? What's the pettiest thing that someone's done? Like something that's lighthearted, stupid, petty. In fact, you know who's the king of petty, I feel, is probably Zach Wickham.
He's so petty and he loves to be petty. See, I'm thinking. And it's very endearing. No, I like, give me a petty bitch. Come on now. I don't think I've ever done anything petty after.
Because if I feel like you did something to me and I have to be petty back, that means you could affect me in a way that you affected me and nobody affects me.
So fuck you. I don't need to be petty back. You're not a petty person. I think I used to be petty. I can think of two things.
One, people would label it as petty, which is my love for clicking the unfollow button. But for me, it's not petty. It's like, I don't really mess with you, so I can unfollow. But then there's people that are like, yeah, but you're following people who you barely even know. And it's like, Yeah, when I barely know someone, it.
Means I don't know enough about you to fuck with you or not. So as far as I'm concerned, we're cool.
And when I get to know them, I'll unfollow them.
When I get to know them, and if I don't like them, then they get the unfollow, obviously. Right. And then the other one was putting the toothbrush in my asshole during an argument.
With an ex. Yeah, there was a line, and I think you crossed it. I know, but can I tell you?
It's crazy watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake right now where- Somebody else. Why everyone's appalled that she did the toothbrush in the toilet, cleaned the toilet bowl, and then he brushed his teeth with it.
And she stands on business. But I'm like- Did he know? I'm like, when did that happen?
Because when- My book came out in 2020 and I wrote about this.
Me doing that.
Do you think people are still in your fucking swing? Did you match my petty- Or did you create the petty and I just happened to like follow suit without knowing?
I will say there are some times and we've both done it. I feel like we've been petty. And then after I see it or you have, I've never really done it.
But like, I'll see something. Where you're like, I did it first. That I had previously done and I was like, I did that first. But maybe I didn't.
But maybe I didn't. I don't know. I'm not staking claim on the toothbrush being in an area that.
It shouldn't be. Can I be honest to you though?
What?
I bet you put that into people's minds. I don't know. I've been angry. Very angry. Never have I looked at a toothbrush and gone, it's going in my sphincter. I was wasted. You don't say. I don't think I would ever do that. Not wasted.
Um, so I asked my friends, what have you done? And this person said, I was mad at my husband. So I signed our TV out of all streaming services and changed login info.
Oh, I kind of like you. That's so good.
Wait, that's the petty that I need because I have been that person that gets logged out. And I, and then every time you type it in, it comes up with that red, like error sign. Like your password is incorrect and it, You know what fries me? I get so fucking angry. I would love to know his response. And I love that it was every streaming service.
No.
That's a lot of button clicking. That's good for you. That's good for divorce. That's good for you. That's good for divorce.
When my ex cheated, I filled his mailbox with rotten eggs and bologna.
You should have filled his car up with that.
Guys, to all the women listening, if a guy fucks you over, take an egg and you crack it where their windshield wipers are.
That is so funny, though. I love when people make something stink. I know. Oh, gosh.
Did you see that episode of Vanderpump Rules where they, I forget who it was, like who didn't know, but it was Jax and the Toms, and they make a steak dinner, and then as the person's eating it, they have a picture of where the steak was, and it was in between one of the Toms' ass cheeks.
Hopefully it burned off, right?
And then there was another one where they, something with butts and Tom Schwartz got pink eye.
Oh, old school Vanderpump rules. Iconic. If I got pink eye.
Oh, here's another toothbrush story. Swirled a girl's toothbrush in a toilet at the sorority house. She talks shit, so I matched her vibe.
She talks shit, now she gets to brush shit. Is the toothbrush the key to all petty? I'm, I, guys, I'm not kidding you. I'm putting a lock on my fucking toothbrush. You should. You should. Finger press.
Hello, have you seen the episode of Seinfeld where he accidentally hits the toothbrush into the toilet and he puts it back and then she comes out and she's brushing her teeth and he can't kiss her after that? Yeah. When it was his fault, you know, and it was an accident. Like all of us, me, Kwai, this girl, we all intentionally grabbed.
The toothbrush and knew what to do with it. I'm into it. Why are your toothbrush so close to the toilet? Well, some people have small bathrooms, you know? You don't say.
Yeah.
Me.
I still don't keep my fucking toothbrush where it could pop in the toilet. That thing will go underneath.
Okay, but Seinfeld didn't mean to do it. And also, New York bathrooms, they're a real bitch.
Yeah.
My husband pissed me off, so I took his credit card and bought myself a bag I wanted.
You know what? You deserved two. That's the level of petty we're looking for.
Cut my sister's fingernails off when she was asleep so she couldn't claw me anymore.
Okay, that's fine. I'm just picturing like a good night's done.
Oh, like you gave her a manicure.
That sounds nice. Not like pride them with like tweezers. Yeah, I was like, this is not petty. This is torture. And you may need to look into this. No, I think she probably had nails. A little Greyjoy. A little Theon. A little Theon. A little Theon Snowish. I called him Theon Bolton. Isn't it Greyjoy?
Greyjoy?
Oh, Theon Greyjoy. Oh, Ramsey Snow. Yeah, Ramsey's the one who is doing the nail pulling.
I called him Ramsey Bolton on one of, or yeah, on one of them. And I'm like, I know better than to call him that.
Yeah, it's Troy Bolton. High school musical. Get it together.
X cheated on me, so I put tuna juice in all his vents. That's a sister who knows petty and she knows exact.
I mean, how do you get rid of it?
You move the juice. I have to imagine that's like cat pee in carpet.
It's not going anywhere. That is seeping and staying demolish the whole house. Yeah.
I would just start making tuna every day to make myself feel okay. That it smelled like tuna. It's probably where I'd go with it. It smells like tuna in here. I'm always cooking it.
You wouldn't just move. You couldn't get rid of that house. You could not get rid of that house.
Oh, she kind of made a mess.
I still use my ex-boyfriend's gas points every month.
He has no idea it's me.
Fuck.
You can use points for gas. Yeah, you have to sign up. I should do that. I know. I'm a Costco member. That is petty. Who gets gas at Costco? I don't have three hours to wait for gas. No, but guess what? But I would do that.
When you think about all the money that you're spending on gas, I mean, it costs me over $ 150 a week just to fill up my freaking tank.
You think that's a lot.
Just to let you know, mine, my little sedan is 18 and I think it's 18 and a half or 19 gallons. I'm around 130, 140 in that car. We're not far off.
But is that once a week? Yeah.
Wow.
Once or twice.
Yeah.
You know what? Keep using his gas points. Yeah, right. Fuck it up, babe. Fuck him.
I wonder what he did to make her do that. This is, this is the petty I love you guys. I wish that this could be documented on camera. I threw every single right shoe out of my ex's closet so he only had left shoes.
Don't cross me. Well, now he's only crossing.
He's like, what the fuck is going on?
He's wearing two different pairs of the same shoe.
You can't. They're all left.
They're all left feet.
I am wearing a pair of two lefties to go buy a pair of normal shoes.
I'm not walking out in one shoe going... My girl stole them. I'm going to just going to look stupid. So good. You do this while the guy's at work. Oh, at least he has one pair. Hopefully. Oh yeah. He's fine. He had to have worn something wherever he was.
Right.
Here's the thing. I have around like 50 shoes.
Yeah. And if every right foot was gone, I'd be pretty pissed off about, but like if he only had like a pair of like four or five, he's like, I'll just go by now.
Who'd you hit? You know, like I'm a sneaker head.
If he was a sneaker head, you not only threw his like right shoes away, you threw out like a pretty penny.
I have boxes.
I'll post a picture of my shoes because I keep the boxes like they're trophies.
And she got rid of left shoes.
Created a fake email to let a man know that his wife was cheating with my boyfriend.
You were just doing God's work.
I feel.
Yeah, I feel like sometimes you just kind of get the message there. You know, that's one that I go back and forth on. Like.
Background checks, I used to run them on every single human I came in contact with. And by the way, you guys, it was like $ 2, 000 a pop for a worldwide background check. So if a guy's like, yeah, I'm separated and I'm going through a divorce, that's obviously not going to come back on a background check. So do you reach out to his soon-to-be ex-wife to say, hey, I just want to know, are you guys trying to work it out because … We've been talking.
That or you get it in writing.
You have to get him in writing saying that they're split up. Not conversational.
But what's the point of the writing?
That if he is still married and the wife comes, you can go, well, you got a liar.
Yeah. Because if it's your.
Word versus his, for whatever reason, and I don't understand, women take the guy's side still.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah, I have.
It's very frustrating.
I wish that the women would be together more so than because.
The guy is the problem.
Kind of on Friends when Paolo makes a pass at Phoebe during the massage and she goes to Rachel and they're like, I'm so sorry. And they're like, why are we apologizing?
Yeah, fuck him. He's a pig man.
My aunt was a total nightmare at Universal Studios. She drank and treated us so badly. I would keep pouring water on her shoes. So she had wet shoes the whole trip. There was a time at Universal Studios. I went with James and one other or two other people, James Logan and one other person. And I had my clip ins and we were obviously drinking.
And then.
Smoked a ton of weed in the car before we got out of the car to, we were in the parking garage. I get out of the car and I look at James and I was like, I don't feel good. And he thought I was joking. And I freaking went down so hard. My clip-ins saved my life. Wow.
Start wearing that Raven's helmet. I don't need that anymore. Jesus Christ. You're falling upward.
I could have used the helmet in my drinking and smoking weed days. Because sometimes it just goes to the head. Oh, could you imagine you in your Tupac?
Stop it. In that helmet. Stop it.
Oh, I'm picturing it now. Oh, with those earrings that didn't clip in the back. So instead, I just put like a little thing on them to keep them in.
So in every picture.
You can see.
Like an eraser? Holy shit.
Oh my God. Thank God for eight years. Praise Jesus.
I will really.
Peed in my roommate's soap every day for months.
It's a long story. Was it a dove bar? I feel like it would get to him. No, it was. No, I'm sure it was in the thing. Body wash.
Yuck.
I was thinking like a bar of soap. I was like, oh, self-cleaning. But like, you're just like, ooh, urine. Oh God, you need another shower after your shower.
I love that with all of this, we're like, they fucked up.
So this is what you get.
My favorite thing was her. I'm picturing her untwisting the bottle, squatting. He, the whole thing is just fucking great. Not only like, you got to think like, yeah, there's pee in your thing, but it's like, how did we get the pee in here?
So funny.
Yeah.
I wish I was a fly on the wall to see her just hunched over with this fucking thing.
It's like when you shave your gooch, you can't do it in a great form, you know? You're hunched over, you're like, if somebody were to see me right now, I would never get laid again.
Gollum, Gollum. Oh my god, I can't breathe.
My mom drove a Tahoe growing up, so I would underline hoe every day before school.
That's so rude. What did your mom do? My mom's a hoe. What did your mom do? I don't know. She probably thought it was funny going to school.
He wanted to just be friends. I got him to drop me off at a date with his cousin. You want to be just friends and now you're my Uber driver.
Yeah.
And then she said, we're married.
It's like, which one? The one you just wanted to be friends or the cousin? Damn, I wish I knew. That's a great story.
Cut the crotch out of all my ex's pants after catching him cheating.
Oh, that's excellent. He's just wearing some assless chaps. Some chaps. The crocs. His wieners hanging out.
Packed up the whole house and left him with a mattress and the frying pan he hated. Genius. She's happy.
Genius.
He hated the frying pan and now he just has a mattress. It doesn't take a lot for a man to be happy. That makes me sad for you guys. Yeah, it is sad.
Because everything in a girl's room down to like the smell of the linen spray, you create an atmosphere. And I have gone to some men's rooms and I'm like.
Yeah, we're just living in there. Like this is good enough?
Yeah. I'm like, why is there like just a blanket as like the top sheet?
Less laundry. The fitted sheet. Way less laundry. It's disgusting. It works for us. I slept with my ex's brother.
This was the only way I knew how to hurt him, and it worked.
Fuck your brother. You know what?
Because this happens a lot, and everyone always looks at the girl like, how could you? And it's like, look at your brother. Your brother is like really shitty. It goes back to, that ain't your sister. Stole his microwave plate and signed him up for various email newsletters. You guys, the amount of.
Work that you guys go to to hit petty is so good. That's why I think I'm not the effort. Women have stamina though.
You hurt us and it's like, well, the reason there's the saying fuck around and find out is because of women who will go to great lengths.
They will put in.
So much time and effort just to hit that level. A fucking petty.
Yeah.
I know how long it takes to sign out of every single streaming service.
It is a lot. Yeah. I would just be, if I went to do that and I was like, I'm going to sign them out. And I went to Netflix and signed them out. I'd be like, all right, he can watch the rest. I don't even care.
My petty is over because effort is too much. What was your favorite one? Mine was the peeing in the, in the.
Oh, the peeing in the fucking soap. How could it not? This girl just hunched over with vengeance. I get her. I'm going to get her. This'll get her. Like that's God. So funny to me.
You guys, thank you for listening to another bonus episode of untraditionally Lala. I appreciate y'all's petty. Keep up the good work. I will catch you guys next week.
Bye. Bye.
