Christy Carlson Romano on Reliving Trauma and Learning to Saying No

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Christy Carlson Romano has grown up a lot since her Kim Possible days, not without some major missteps and lessons along the way. Let's jump back into our conversation. Your book just covers so many difficult periods of your life from like we talked about addiction and you talk about toxic relationships and financial loss. I'm wondering what was the hardest part for you while you were writing it?

Yeah, reliving these downs, you know, reliving these moments when I pushed them down so long. And, you know, I might have remembered them as I saw them through a lens of safety. But ultimately, when you have to put them on paper and write out the names and write out the dates and write out the specifics of where you were when you were assaulted. Like those are the moments in your life when you really have to reflect and say, well, where am I at with this now that this happened so long ago? And like it or not, you're, you have to meet yourself and you have to hold the mirror to yourself. And I don't think I was, it took me two years to write this. So I don't think I was prepared and, um, uh, in terms

of what I was going to find. And I wrestled with that over writing this, because again, I did want it to be so, so honest and vulnerable. And so there's a lot of unbecoming things in this book. This isn't a book that, that holds back and makes you think like that things were that I was the victim or the hero. It it's, you know, there's a lot of accountability that's being taken. And I think that's a credit to, you know, sobriety and just my, my honest devotion to wanting to give the best books to my daughters that they could possibly read and be like, that was mom. I can tell that that's my mom. That's not someone pretending to be somebody else.

Very valuable. I know so many adults just watching you. What has it been like reconnecting with that audience at such a different stage in your life because you kind of stepped away from the business but then returned and now you're working as an actress again. You have this book out. How has it felt returning to your same audience but in a completely different way?

Well, you know how it is. It's like we have this skill set that we've learned from a very early age. So returning to it, felt really normal. Um, as crazy as that sounds, it was like, well, this is what I know how to do. I know how to be on set and I know how to hit my marks and I know how to, you know, act, but, uh, the rest of it, like interacting with folks has been lovely, like over the years going into comic cons and, and doing appearances and, or seeing people on the street who have watched my YouTube channel over the years, a lot of people are impacted in a way that you don't realize.

And so at first, I think we can compare ourselves to maybe the other people that came up with us. And it's like, oh, well, this is where that person is today. And you have to really look at yourself and say, this is where I'm at. And where I'm at matters too. And that's what is most important is kind of just putting the blinders on and looking only at yourself in the mirror. Yeah.

It's hard work though.

It does.

It takes a certain amount of devotion to really wanting to become the best version of yourself, the best mom you can be, the best wife you can be.

Every day.

And just, you know, learning to love yourself in a completely different way, I think.

Yeah, absolutely. You're right. And I think, you know, even even as a mom, like you, you tend to need to renegotiate your your role in society as well. So it doesn't just stop because we've learned certain lessons. I think it just there's always new lessons to recommit yourself to try to try to, like you said, choose yourself.

It's not easy to do.

Nope, nope. Your kids are Are your kids Disney kids? I just assume they are because what kid isn't a Disney kid these days?

Yeah.

But what is that like for you? Because you went from being on the show that the kids are watching to now having these two daughters watching it and you're watching it with them from, you know, the kitchen or whatever you're doing.

Yeah. My kids love the parks.

They love it.

They love the culture of Disney. And my avatar for my Disney Plus profile is Kim Possible. Of course, it's really cute that I get to that I actually get to do that. And I know that my daughter has told repeatedly different teachers like my mommy's can possible. And I it makes me very proud, because I am proud of the work that I've done. There's, there's no negativity towards that. And I love that the girls kind of are engaging with it, but I've never pushed it on to them to like, watch my shows or, you know, expect them to, to, to have a desire for that. Um, and yeah, I mean, they're, they're watching, they're watching some of the, the new Disney crop and it's cute because it's, it's wild to see just how far that channel has come.

I mean, when, when I, yeah. And I'm sure you can relate when you guys came out, it was unprecedented, like you said, and then here we are today and it's, it's just, it's just wild to see how far it's become.

I mean, you were playing such a strong female role model kind of character with Kim Possible. I mean, I don't know if they were showing other programming like that before Kim Possible, but I definitely remember the impact it had on my girls and just that sensation of, look how strong she is, that girl. And I can do that if Kim Possible can do that.

Yeah, she's probably, if you were to ask me what my favorite role has been to play, it would be Kim Possible because of that exact thing of, how many little girls it inspired to think that they can do anything and be anything and not a trite way and like a truly, you know, focused and not a dreamy way.

So I love that character, I really do.

So would you ever take your daughters out on the audition trail?

Oh, no.

If they were like, mommy, I want to be on a show like you were, would you let them do it?

You know, this is a great question. And I have to at least say in the beginning of this is that I'm not anti, A, I'm not anti-industry, but B, I'm not anti-arts. Like, I think it's super important for the kids to be exposed to the arts and involved in the arts and I do find that when money comes into play that we're like, we were talking about commodification and consumable. I worry that there's, there's a lot in me that would be triggered to really want to do it right for them so that, but I mean, I know how to do it right. We save their money. We, you know, you get all the things you need to get, but, but even before then the rejection and the certain things that kind of, kind of dumbed down the spirit. And I, I,

I would hate to see that. I don't know if I could live through that again. Um, but I wouldn't want to make it about me. Yeah.

But it wouldn't even be about you because you're watching your girls face that rejection on, you know, weekly basis, if not longer, and not to mention the scrutiny of the world that would be thrust upon them.

Right, exactly, exactly. And I worry about that just as they get social media eventually. But for now, they are not showing signs. I take it day by day with this question. For now, they're not showing signs of wanting to do anything in the arts. They're still so young. And we're just focused on their milestones right now. I feel like these are milestones that I didn't really get to have. Oh, I love that. I'm reliving, I'm reparenting myself by parenting my children. And it's, it's really, it's a beautiful thing to have.

Oh my gosh. If you could say something to that younger version of you who was just starting out, who was on even Steven, what would you say to her?

I would say, um, don't be afraid to say no because I said yes to everything. Hmm. And I was like, very scared to have my own thoughts and my own boundaries. And, you know, don't be afraid to say no, you know, I mean, no is a is a complete sentence. And owning what you don't want really puts you on the path of what it is that you do want. And so I think that being more selective would have been really great. But I mean, of course, I'm grateful for the experiences that I did get. But I think in general, I could have said no a little bit more, not into the bigger opportunities, but just with little things, you know, with things that I think back on and say, okay, maybe I should have said no about, you know, wearing

that outfit that I was uncomfortable in or something, or, you know, said no to, my mom about an independent movie I did that I had to say something a little graphic at an early age. And, you know, I wish I had a little bit more of that backbone, but we look back and, and it's hard for a child to tell their parents or an industry. Yeah. No.

You don't want to disappoint them. You brought up such an interesting thing that I've always wondered about. So when you see a young child actor have to deliver really adult content, either lines or be in scenes around, you know, stuff they shouldn't be exposed to, how does that happen? How does that work? How does that affect that child?

I personally think it affects them deeply. And I would hope that they have some therapist that works with them after the fact or semi-regularly. I mean, my children have had talk therapy at times in their lives when we've needed to unpack things. And I think it's really meaningful to have a community of people that are focused on your mental health when you're literally channeling your dog dying so that you can summon the tears in a scene.

you know, when you're that young, how much do you have to pull from? So you either invent things or you're sourcing it from feelings of inadequacy and grief, you know? And so I think having to have protocols that I know I've had some peers of mine, Alison Stoner comes to mind that has been working towards creating protocols with the union and stuff like that so that they can really figure out how to fix that problem. Because I can't imagine that that goes away. It doesn't go away.

It compounds over time. And I think it is partly why I said, I feel like early fame can be like CTE is because over time, if these things aren't addressed, then that trauma kind of lives within you. And it's like that old saying of the body keeps the score. And I think that's, that was ended up happening.

Yes, absolutely. I can 100% understand that. And what I had to do as a young girl and all the trauma that I put my mind and my body and my emotions through, I absolutely carried that with me for many years. And I didn't think I did until it was all just too much to carry. And then unpacking it was even harder. So I think what you're talking about, about providing some opportunity for young actors to be able to really talk about stuff and how it's really affecting them in an open environment where they feel safe, you know, not with their mom, not with their agent, not with the director, with somebody who doesn't have some sort of investment in them.

1000%. I agree.

I agree with that all so much. Christy, you've survived. You're not a train wreck. So congratulations for making it this far. I wish, you know, I love it when people are like, you did it. And you know what, for just sharing your story and being so open about every part of what made you who you are today.

Thank you.

Once Upon a Train Wreck is Christy's new memoir. It's available now. There it is. So beautiful. I love that cover.

Thank you.

Before I let you go, Christy Carlson Romano, what was your last I choose me moment?

I will say I thought about this and I believe it was writing the book.

I love that. That's definitely a choice.

Yeah, I do.

Well, thank you for making that choice and sharing your story.

Thank you. Keep it up. Okay, I will.

See you out there.

Christy Carlson Romano on Reliving Trauma and Learning to Saying No

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