
Bad TV | A Reality TV Recap Program
Farting in Coffins | The Traitors S5 E5
Dienstag, 13. Oktober 2026 · 32 min
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Dylan and Pat are back to break down apples, clues, dumb clues, Lisa kissed me she did it, farting in coffins and more from The Traitors.
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Target at round table let's get rid of sherry and then we'll always be able to come back to jay at some point how do you.
Feel about this strategy dill if you're tamika and um if you're tamika and and joe yeah should we call.
Him meatball or like like what let's call.
Him how about eggplant parmesan okay okay let's call him eggplant all right eggplant head Follow.
Me down into the valley of night Where all the flowery winds.
Rush Hi, hello, and welcome to the Patreon Nope, it's not It's not It's for free Mm-hmm It's tradersnormie slash newblood. I'm here, Dylan with Pat.
How are you?
I'm good, babe. A little jet lagged. My daughter's not bad on planes. She doesn't scream and cry too much. She's very active. She will not sleep. She just needs to do shit. So you're just locked. Little kid.
Little kid.
You're just locked doing stuff with her for six hours. And my wife is sworn off flying with the child.
Well, you know what's interesting? My wife and I just had this discussion. We're going to do our first spring break where we're dividing and conquering. I think I'm going to take my daughter to South Carolina to hang out with my mom, just me and my daughter, and the wife will stay back with the quininator.
I love that.
Yeah.
I think that's so fun.
I think I'm okay with that.
Oh, yeah, you should be. I mean, she's at an age where you can. Give her an iPad and she'll be good for a while. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Watch a movie. Watch another movie. Daddy's having drinks right now.
Yeah.
Daddy needs his medicine. Why is it red, Daddy? Well, medicine's supposed to be red. And then it sometimes has carbonation in it.
Right, right, right. I got so fried at one point. We'll get into the show. Trying to put this child to sleep. I have to do it in... a shit-soaked bathroom to not bother the other people that have paid $ 50, 000 to be here, for the privilege of being here, that I said, I need two vodkas. And I just dumped them over ice and drank straight vodka on ice like a full-blown alcoholic. And I got to say, no regrets.
Well, you're here now. You're home. There's no more traveling. Now it's just sitting down with old Patty and recapping.
Recapping the best of Peacock's programming. Yeah. And we really do mean that. Now, we're here to break down episode five of Trader's New Blood. How are you doing with normies versus quasi-celebrity?
Okay. The celebrities are fun. Well, the shows, they're kind of two different shows.
They really are.
You already acquainted with the celebrities. And let's just use the word celebrity first. Loosely.
Very loosely.
We had a few people on the last version of Celebrity Traders. I could not tell you who at least five of those people were. One of them was some dancer from Dancing with the Stars. Another was a musician that I'd never heard of who actually made it down to the final three.
Oh, you're talking about Eric Kim.
I think that was his name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.
But anyway, so most of the time we're acquainted with the celebrities. So it's kind of fun to just kind of see the housewives versus the gamers, kind of that kind of stuff. With this version of the normies or the new bloods, it's kind of fun getting to know these people and see how good they are at the game because they're very studied. A lot of the celebrities, just their agents tell them, Hey, go on here. I think this will be a new good rebrand for you.
Like Sandoval.
And they're like, Oh, I don't want to do another kid's party. I've already done like 50 kids parties this month. And they're like, no, no, no. This is actually a job. They go, okay, let's do this.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like, Oh, so I, so I don't have to go judge a wrestling contest in Santa Clarita. No, Tom, this is better. But they don't understand the game. I'm pretty sure Tom Sandoval had no idea what he was doing.
Tom's like, because I got to tell you, I am sick of funnel cakes and I'm sick of sunflower seeds. It feels like that's the only thing I've been eating lately because I've been judging so many contests at fairgrounds. They go, no, Tom, this is a television show.
So I like the new blood. I'm loving this season. If I'm going to give my shoulder taps, I did not like the week off. It throws me off.
Yeah.
Because I like to strategize. I like to understand what's going through each player's mind. And you lose a week here, man. I'm like, who are these people?
Who the fuck are these people?
Who are these people? Yeah.
We got a Christy and a Sherry who, they just morphed into the same person for me.
They kind of are. They kind of are.
Yeah.
This week, some of the set pieces, referring to the wake slash funeral part that ended the episode, the dramatization of that went on a little too long for my television viewing.
There are Imagine Dragons reimaginings of, like, folk songs that are turned up to 11 with pyrotechnics, and I'm totally fine with two, three of those an episode. It felt like this entire episode was that. Yeah. You guys got to calm it down with the pomp and circumstance here. We get it. We really just want the closed circuit stuff, which is the best part about this television show.
I want a round table and a murder.
Right.
Each episode at the very least.
That's it.
There is no such thing as a bad traders episode. The best part of this one was the fumbling of- Oh my God. I- I thought Jay, his name's Jay, right?
Wait, are we talking about the apple? The apple. Joe.
Joe, sorry, Joe, forgive me.
Jay is the one that's like- Tamika. I need to tell you guys something. I'm going to get into him. I'm an expert in body language.
I'm going to get into him. Yeah. But Joe and Tamika, forgive me if I ever said he might be a good player. He is an absolute imbecile.
Right.
The moves that him and Tamika made with that apple- by the.
Way, you're dead, you're dead in the water. And you were so bad that a guy who sucks his own farts in a coffin figured you.
Out, figured you out. And now they're going to take you down like dominoes. And if they don't, they're horrible too.
Oh yeah. No, I think all of the traders are pretty horrible. I think the Katie's time is it's, it's coming. But tonight seeing Joe and Tamika walk around with fruit, obviously you've got to try. But if I was Joe, and we'll get into it, when you throw that apple to that girl and she doesn't grab it and you pick it up and start eating it. Bail on the challenge.
Do not.
Do not.
Do not continue throwing fruit at people, walking around with fruit. You're a chicken parm guy. Don't walk around with fruit.
Because one of the options was you didn't have to kill someone, correct?
Yes.
Okay.
Bail. Abort.
Abort.
Bail.
Because when. These in the flesh killings are going to get harder and harder and harder as these seasons go along. Because people are going to be. on the fucking lookout for stuff like this.
Especially when you get called out after that, by the way, there was a killing in plain sight tonight. Like, duh, they're all going to be analyzing. They're already like very self-aware. They've all been watching the game. They know there's a killing in plain sight.
They're lab rats.
I will say this. That was one of the hardest killing in plain sight.
I've ever seen. All right.
But how about.
It was Lisa. She kissed me on the cheek. He was. That was pretty tough, too.
That was a tough one, too.
You have to put a brooch on somebody.
All right. I'm going to say this was probably one of the worst episodes, and there's never a bad one. It's still a great episode, but it was probably my least favorite of traitors, and I've probably seen 48 episodes of traitors in my viewing.
Can I guess how many shoulder taps you're going to give it? Yes. Zero.
No.
It's still great. I'm going to give 50 shoulder taps.
50?
Yeah, that's a D.
I give it seven. The wolves are howling and we've got another surprising revelation from the Tom Sandoval of this season. Now last week, it feels like years ago, we were left with a cliffhanger.
Can I say something about Jay? Yeah. Are you referring to him as the Tom Sandoval? He's created one of the more original characters on reality TV in a long time.
Okay.
Cause he's chock full of contradictions. All right. I don't know if you knew this, but he has a wife and kids, or so he has said. But he has. He's fruitier than a bag of Skittles. I hope no one takes offense to that. He's more flaming than Hot Cheetos.
Like a flaming Hot Cheetos, which I have to say, they're just too hot.
Oh, yeah. I can't even eat them.
Are you kidding me? I'm seeing people eat entire bags of these things. They're ubiquitous. People are like, this is my go-to snack. How possibly is it? It's so hot.
My wife loves them. But he also is a doctor, but he comes off like a crazy person. And who would allow this guy around you?
Or your children? In the newest Resident Evil, there is a certain breed of zombie where bodies just start to kind of congeal together and they roll as just some giant ball of hands and legs and stuff. That's Jet. Doctor, not a gay man. He's picking up all of these traits, lying. He is just a fucking, a ball of nonsense, this guy.
And everyone despises him.
Because he's fucking annoying. Yeah. If we're using that analogy of a zombie blob.
Yeah, or a tumbleweed.
He's fucking annoying. And as we've learned, the faithfuls will banish you, not believing that you're a traitor, but all knowing that you're bothering them.
Right.
And you're such a distraction that they just need to eliminate you.
Yeah. I can't remember who, I can't remember his name, the black guy who's just like playing it really pared back.
Oh, it might be, is it the iron worker?
Yes.
Okay.
The iron worker. It is, he just looks at me, he's like, we can't do this. You cannot.
I think his name might be Clay.
Clay. So basically, So he says, the cliffhanger last week was, you know, I'm about to reveal something very important, okay? And he says that he is a body language expert slash expert of none, and he does his best to plant evidence on multitudes of people here, okay? So first up is Katie, who he is correct about. His evidence is that she shrugged her shoulders after the initial selection of traitor, a moment wherein she was not yet a traitor.
So a blind squirrel can find a nut. He then moves on to Miss Christy.
Katie pivoted him off that to Christy, which was actually a pretty good move on her part.
And his evidence that it might be Christy Is that she cannot look him in the eye. And Christie says, you know, with all due respect, the reason I cannot look at you ever is because your nonsensical ramblings about the gameplay of this show is a little bit like picking pepper out of gnat crap.
By the way.
An unbelievable saying that I had not ever heard before.
I have a different thought on that. If that can be a phrase, anything can.
Be a phrase. Anything can. Yeah, anything can. Yeah. But the imagery of that saying... is, yeah, just the most meaningless, futile thing would be actually listening to you talk about this game. Now, Katie marvelously leans into the annoyance of Jay, which I thought was a great move. As a trader, she just goes, oh, my God, can we just fucking.
And just like that, you got the heat off, yeah.
The cliffhanger from last week was given two minutes before the entire cast went, Okay. Would you just shut the fuck up? And then we move on now.
Now the Astro, I'm going to call her cause she's an Astrophysicist. I'm going to call her Astro Abby cause there's two Abby's here. So Astro Abby.
Oh, what about Astro girl?
Not bad.
Okay. Okay.
Astro girl. Uh, she has that dumb clue to present to the group.
Yeah.
How Sherry did. Uh, she's, uh, she knows there's three traders. This is a dumb clue. Cause, uh, Sherry said, look, I don't, I don't think there's another girl because there's only three of them. There's only three traders. And she's like, Sherry, how did you know that? So she starts pointing the finger at Sherry.
Natural girl is very smart.
She is, but she's.
This is a dumb clue.
It's a dumb clue because people misspeak all the time. I think if I'm there playing the game, I just, I'm gonna, I'll bring these things up. I might ask the person, why did you say that? But I'm going to say it to their face.
Right.
Right.
That's all you can do. You can learn more that way, and it keeps a much lower profile. Now, Christie is beset upon by this accusation and has to present a defense. And amidst the defense, she assigns homework to the round table, which is never a good thing to do. You're on the hot seat. Do not patronize or... don't make the round table feel like they're in your classroom. Okay. That's a surefire way to get fucking eviscerated. But she, she does have a really good point here where.
Well, she puts the heat on Jay, right?
Well, she, she mentions that Jay's really annoying, but she mounts this incredible defense outside of the homework assignment thing. And Astro girl who is just, only operating on dumb clues, says, you know, it's so funny because I've never heard you speak like this. So now I'm just confused about which person you are.
Who are you? You're talking a lot at the round table.
She goes, I'm so sorry that I'm talking a lot at this round table. You guys are saying I'm a fucking traitor. Am I allowed to speak? Okay. But this dumb clue is enough to close the casket on Sherry. I'm thinking that it's going to be Jay the entire time.
Me too.
And then the votes get knotted up, and then she just completely blows by him. She is cast out of the castle.
Now, the crazy part, though, is someone had predicted, I bet Jay, who had made it a case that Katie is a traitor, still writes down Sherry.
I love that move because it solidifies her flippancy towards him.
Mm-hmm.
It makes her seem like she's not even bothered about it.
That was Nia that pointed that out, by the way. About Jay.
Oh, well, about Jay voting for Sherry, which we'll get to that too. Another dumb thing that these people seize on. But Katie voting for Sherry was smart because Jay's going to be gone at some point. She doesn't need him to go right now. He's a surefire target at Roundtable. Let's get rid of Sherry. And then we'll always be able to come back to Jay at some point.
How do you feel about this strategy? Dale, if you're Tamika and, um, if you're Tamika and, and Joe, should.
We call him meatball or like, like what? Let's call him meatball.
How about eggplant Parmesan? Okay.
Okay. Let's call him eggplant. All right.
Eggplant head. All right.
So, all right.
So if you're, if you're Joe, why not have a, a meeting with, up at the turret with your fellow traders going, all right, guys, this is a strategy to keep the heat of us being connected with votes. When they start going, they're all knowing who we voted for and they're keeping tallies. Katie, if I know you have no chance of going home, I'm going to vote for you and take a swing at you. Tamika, you just take a wild swing at someone else and just start confusing everybody with your votes.
I don't think that, One, it would have to be agreed upon. Otherwise, there would be serious tension.
That's what I'm saying. You agree upon it in the Torah.
Maybe. I think that you'd be foolish if you're a traitor to agree upon a volunteer accusation.
Well, Katie could do it right back to Joe. Tonight, we do it to each other. I'm just saying, when everybody's looking at every single thing. Would they believe that traders are actively strategizing?
That's something that we've not yet seen, uh, a.
A, they haven't, but that's why I like it.
And agreed upon hatched feud between two traders or something like that. It could be very confusing. I think one of them would end up dead and it would be a kind of like sizing up. Like, let's see if I can beat you on this thing, but, um, we'll see now, Victor. Um, he stays on Michael. Um, The lawyer.
Victor is a dumbass and bad at this game, but I think that he kind of like, he's going to trip into the later rounds of this game, I think. I think he's survived that first onslaught, and I think he's almost to that place where he's just going to be cemented as a faithful. I think the only danger he's in is getting murdered. I don't think he's going to go out at round table.
Well, I mean, clearly what he knows now about the Apple after these next two rounds.
He needs to shut the fuck up about that. Don't go all over the place saying that because you're going to get killed.
That's what I'm saying. It's going to be, he's either going to take out a traitor or he's going to get killed. So this is going to define him as either someone who can rally votes or is weak.
So- It's so rare to land upon a not dumb clue. And it's, it's always interesting to see what people do with it because it's a great burden. You have to play it right. If you're handed a gift like this.
Can I, can I do a, so this is where all the players, well, I'm sorry. Next up, we have the funeral wake, whatever several players are marked for death. That's what Alan comes in and tells us. All right. So the players all splinter off and strategize.
Really quickly though. Talk about one. Sherry looks like Vanna white. If, she was just like a normal person.
Oh, and never had anything? Yeah. Sherry, huh? Hmm.
In the comments. But you mentioned that Nia flips.
Do you mean Sherry or Christy, the Southern Belle?
Sherry.
The one who got kicked out.
Did Vanna White die?
No, she's alive.
She just retired.
She probably retired by now.
Okay.
She said she was going to stay on another year after Pat left.
Is Pat dead?
No, Pat left.
He retired. All right, great. Now, Nia gets really upset at Jay for voting for Sherry, a person that he did not accuse. He mounted two accusations towards two people and then did not vote for either one of them. Nia's very upset at this. This is another dumb clue or a dumb thing to get upset about. This is the way the game is played, okay? You go with the majority of the votes to ensure that you're, you know, it's like, guys.
You're all on the same page.
Let's not lose our minds here.
I know, but you made the case with such conviction. You should kind of stick with your guns.
He is a lunatic. At the end of this, he says, they're all playing my game.
Oh, that's, and by the way, no one was in the room. So that does make me think that he probably lied on his application. He is not a doctor.
No, he's a zombie blob.
He's a, He's an insane person that somehow got on this show.
Okay.
So the players went off.
Wife and kids. Get out of here. Get out of here.
So when they all switch her off, Katie and Joe chat and Katie shares, she's crumbling under the weight of her position.
I wanted to ask you as, as the master of gameplay here.
I'll tell you what I do.
What was going through your head when you saw the emotions ramp up?
Okay. Now Joe is supportive. And old Patty would be supportive too. I'd be a crying shoulder. Here's what I would then do. I'd get through today and possibly another round table, not factoring in what took place with that fucking apple. Let's just say here and now this is what's going through my mind.
Oh my God, that apple.
Then without consulting Tamika, I would pick off Katie.
Oh yeah.
I would start going, you know, I know Jay's crazy, but hear me out. Slowly, again, not tipping off Tamika. Right. Because I might even start going, don't tell Tamika because I have a feeling about her too. This is where I'm going to start working on both of them. Right. But since she is so weak and so fragile at this point, it's like taking candy from a fucking baby.
I'm going to take out Katie.
I think it's just, it's like any herd pride pod. When there is weakness, when there is someone that is lame, there's a natural brutality that has to come.
She's no longer going to help the team. She's already shown you she's given up.
So this is not a game of emotions. Emotions cannot be anywhere near this process.
By the way, by taking her out, then you gain the trust of the faithfuls. They're like, this person's good. So then if you can pick off Tamika next, I got to say.
And not to get ahead of myself or get all over the place with like gameplay talk, but if you are a trader and you are to, um, Try to sabotage a trader through some back channeling, some trusted advisors, right? And do a blindside. If they come to you again, you have to be wrong. You can't go... Two for two?
You cannot go two for two.
I agree with that.
Can't do it.
Oh, I convinced Tamika like, oh my God, I didn't want to implicate you. I did not want you to know because if you knew, then I'd implicate you. Because I think.
In my mind's eye, I go into the filing cabinet and I feel like there is an example of a trader going two for two or something like that.
I think Bob, I'm sorry, not Bob.
Boston Rob, right?
I think he tried to go two for two. Yeah, he tried to go two for two.
And people, one, the traders are pissed off. And then two, people are like, how do you, it's just, it's ripe for a dumb clue. And it's actually a good clue. So, I love that take. You have to take her out. Abby and American Psycho have some heat on Nia. I don't even know who this guy is. He looks like Happy Gilmore's caddy, mixed with Patrick Bateman. But there is something floated. I think he's the first one that goes, what if Jay's right? Now, in this world, and I'm very happy that Sherry went home because Jay is good television or at the very least television. Jay needs to stay on the, on this show. And I, there's a world where he is Kurt Russell at the end of miracle, just being like thrusted up on shoulders over a correct elimination.
And he could buy himself some time.
Maybe. All right.
So, We've got a short list of people that are going to be killed tonight. Uh, the traders are tasked with killing from the short list in plain sight. This is what's going to happen. People are going to get buried and whoever the traders have selected will be killed in their coffin.
Okay. Can we get to the actual event? But my heart was racing here. Some of these are just kind of dumb, like pull a piece of paper out of a book in the library. Um, All right, so someone needs to catch the apple. So there is a bit of strategy here. Why would you think a girl, an attorney, would catch that apple? First strike there, Joe.
And Joe's playing with emotions, too, because EP does not want to go after Mark because he likes Mark too much. And he knows that Mark... Would be the one to catch the apple. He's a personal trainer. He's a bro. Throw him the apple. Mark will catch it.
So what law of Patty's how to win traders is he breaking? Which rule?
Loyalty. Loyalty. There is none.
There is none. You take him out. So here's the other thing.
That was so Tom Likas.
You take him out.
You take him out.
Here's the other thing.
You take him out. Thank you for calling.
You're sitting there with Mark. And I forget, forgive me, there was another player there, another faithful. It would have just been you and him. You should have had Katie come in that room and get the other girl out of there. You and Mark are talking. You get up and you throw the apple to him when it's just you and him alone.
The amount of audience they had while they were attempting to pull this off was fucking crazy to me.
Oh, when they finally did it?
They attempted numerous times to do.
It in group settings.
As bad as Joe was. Oh, Tamika. Just horrible. Anybody want any fruit? Tamika, asking people if they want fruit. You're dead.
Multiple times. Anybody want any fruit?
You're dead.
You sure?
Me?
I mean, that's when Victor ran out of the room and said, I don't want anything from you.
I mean, so.
Dumb.
I have to tell you, even from a production standpoint, like, They could pick off every trade. This could be an extremely short season.
That's what I was thinking too. I think like Katie's not good at this, but after tonight, she's going to be the only one left because they know without a doubt, Victor is not the only one that picked up on this. It was way too obvious.
If not, they have to be.
Are we explaining this correctly? The way to eliminate somebody is throw an apple. They catch it. They're gone.
They're gone. And it's one out of what could be five people. But the real tell here is Everyone knows as it's leading up to this wake that someone's going home and they all know that by this time we've been watching this enough that there has to be a reason someone's going home and they know that it's going to be between now and the death.
Right.
Something needs to take place.
So as we mentioned, um, he throws it to that girl who was never going to catch it. She does not catch it. And then he begins eating it. And this is when Tamika freaks out because you know, You've only got so many tennis balls in the container, right? You can't just start eating the apple and then we're going to go back and we're going to pull another piece of fruit out. Once that first apple is not caught, as we said, have your snack and never fucking touch another piece of fruit the entire time you're here. That's it.
Now here's an outcome. Can I say this though? We're analyzing this. As if an apple did get caught. Just because we saw him throw it, that could be fancy editing. Right. There is an outcome in which Joe threw one for the team for editing's sake, and they did give up.
I don't know. I mean, maybe. I think it's Mark. I think he threw it at Mark. And it's not something that's ever revealed, because after this, we cut to one of the many instances of the pomp and circumstance.
15 minutes of it, by the way. Yeah.
It's like if, like... I don't know, like Gargoyles had like a political convention. There's just so much fucking.
This was the first team. This is what I imagine if I'd never go see an Imagine Dragons concert.
Yeah.
But 15 minutes before they hit the stage, you'd have to watch a screen.
Right.
Of this happening.
Yeah. I love that.
And I'd be like, why did I get dragged here?
His favorite band. No. Yeah.
Caitlin, you don't like the Imagine Dragons.
My favorite band.
Oh, yeah.
Okay. That's some bad improv over there.
They fucking rock. Okay. Okay.
So do you think, yes, there was one funny moment.
They're this generation's Nickelback. They are. 100%.
So Victor marinates in his own funk. Um, and, and so, and he.
Knows, well, you're being euphemistic about that. He gets led into the coffin. He shits himself.
So he may hold the twist to knocking out two traders and we don't know. I'm shocked. They did not let us know. Uh, cause I guess who's left there. We have Mark.
We have Clyde.
Clyde, yeah.
That's Clyde's... Joe, I think, is in there still.
Yes, Joe. So we know it's not Joe, obviously. So it's really between Clyde and Mark. Right. There might be a girl in there, too. Yeah.
But.
So... I'm gonna lean towards he didn't throw it to anybody. Because the show is almost over if that happens.
I think he threw it to Mark. And if he was smart, he did it in private. Because... he cannot throw another piece of fruit at somebody in front of other people and I think there's a world where he throws it to Mark and Mark knows I'm fucked and then goes around and does it was Lisa she kissed me he might go to some people and go he just threw me a fucking fruit and if I die he's a fucking traitor 100%.
Well he wouldn't have that opportunity he's in a.
Casket no but before they go out there.
Oh, you think he might have told some people?
Maybe.
I think so.
Oh, you'd get the footage of before?
I think so, yeah.
Interesting.
Well, we'll see what happens next week. Pat and I both think that the traitors are fucked. They're going to have to do some recruiting here because I got to imagine that Michael's going to end up a traitor.
Michael the lawyer?
Yeah, I feel like he's going to get up there somehow.
I would like that. It would be interesting to see him in the Torah. Yeah.
But get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Until next time, I am Dylan. That is Pat. We are saying goodbye.
Goodbye.