Mary Cosby Is Ashamed of You | RHSLC S7 E6

0:00 And Bronwyn sits down.

0:02 Who's dressed like Elmo.

0:05 Yeah, it's couture, it's beautiful, and she's better than everybody. Now, we talk about selling the house, and I love Britney. How much do you sell it for?

0:14 Down in Utah, the guys and I dig a city called Salt Lake. It's got the grooviest kids, that's why we never get tired of Salt Lake.

0:33 And the number one radio.

0:35 Station makes the town really.

0:40 Sway Salt Lake City.

0:44 Is a Patreon exclusive Recap!

0:49 Can you believe the Beach Boys actually wrote a song about Salt Lake City?

0:55 Why would somebody do that?

0:56 There's no water there.

0:58 That's not one drop of it.

1:01 Hmm.

1:01 You know? But there's a drop of it here because we're stopping to talk about The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. It's a Patreon-exclusive recap of said show. I'm Dylan. That's Pat.

1:16 Great to be here.

1:17 Hey, what's up, dude?

1:19 Oh, not much. Another great episode, in my opinion.

1:23 Fantastic episodes.

1:24 It'd be a lot of wives for old Patty.

1:26 Yeah. Well, I feel like you probably have a tremendous amount to say. This was a big Mary Cosby episode.

1:33 Very triumphant. It was a triumphant return. This is Auntie Mary Cosby.

1:37 Your mortal enemy. Yeah.

1:41 I think she's a danger to the public. And I'm just going to start off with a theory. For those, well, we're behind a paywall at this point, but we're giving away the first 10 minutes or so for free. Let it rip, I say. Okay. I think, I have a theory here. Here's my theory. Mary Cosby believes that she has escaped criticism of that documentary.

2:06 Yeah.

2:09 And she will then.

2:10 That's Andy's fault. That's everyone's fault. The way they are exalting this woman is not good for anybody.

2:20 Which is on full display because now she's at the head of a table telling other women how they should behave, which is absolutely laughable. But what Mary doesn't know is there's no statute of limitations on on reality shows for coming back around and attacking you for past deeds done. So what now is what I consider a grace period for Mary Cosby, because no one wants to attack you given the tragedies of the last past year. But if you're dumb enough to come back for another season, Mary Cosby, Lisa Barlow, Meredith Marks, and all the other agitators on this show will have their knives out for you. And they are in need of a storyline. And Robert Jr., as far as they're concerned, will be far in the past. Oh, yeah.

3:14 And the documentary will come up. And all your crimes will come up. And they'll be ready for you. So please, please, please sign up for another season, Mary Cosby. That's my theory.

3:28 What are the rating systems? Wives? Mm-hmm. I'm going to give this episode 85 Wives. I think that the more and more we understand and know about Bronwyn's post-nuptial, post-divorce, the ladies are talking about it. There's some stuff that's not adding up.

3:59 Oh, I have a theory about that, too.

4:01 I'm going to give it 85 pots. It was a lot of fun. Meredith, Mary, Wet Knee. The cast is amazing.

4:07 85 wives. Yeah.

4:10 I think Todd's in on it with Bronwyn. He was totally cool with the fake boyfriend, Brandon, because it takes the heat off him, which is why he's not making any noise about her gallivanting all over the goddamn planet with this young boyfriend.

4:24 On his dime.

4:25 Well, yeah, their dime, but yes, his dime. I mean, she makes her own money at Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

4:30 I thought they were talking about his credit card. She was using his credit card.

4:33 His credit card, yeah.

4:34 Mm-hmm.

4:35 But there's been a lot of chatter out there that he was upset that he didn't get more camera time because that was promised to him.

4:43 Oh, yeah. He's a dynamo on camera.

4:46 Oh, my God. You can't take your eyes off him.

4:50 I mean, he's like Guy Fieri on Finding the Next Food Network star.

4:56 Oh, yeah.

4:56 He should sign up for that.

4:57 You know, when you saw Guy on that show, I mean, what was that, 15, 20 years ago?

5:02 Oh, yeah. It was 20 years ago.

5:04 Yeah.

5:04 I mean, you knew. Right then and there. This guy's a star.

5:07 I knew it. I knew it.

5:09 We got to send this guy to Arkansas. He has to go eat a foot-long hot dog covered in day-old chili with a bunch of toothless people in a bus.

5:19 Oh, don't forget. And pretend that it's amazing.

5:22 This is banging. Wow.

5:24 Thank you, brother. And don't forget the fist bump.

5:26 And you don't miss an episode.

5:27 Oh, I've seen them all. I've actually gone out of my way to go to a few places where they've taped.

5:34 They're never good. Nope.

5:37 Nope.

5:37 Because here's the thing.

5:38 I've ordered what he has had.

5:40 Right, right, right, right.

5:41 It's not good. Never. Let me tell you something. He pretended to enjoy a cheeseburger with cranberry sauce on it.

5:48 Right.

5:48 I ordered that at the place that he told me to go to. Yeah. It was disgusting.

5:53 Yeah.

5:53 Big ricks.

5:54 Yeah.

5:54 Here's the thing about the hunch. Guy Fieri famously does a hunch over a countertop or a table of something is cumbersome to eat. Um, the thing about food is you usually don't want it on your neck and forehead when you're eating it. So like, it's actually not that cool to me to have a three stack cheeseburger that I have to unhinge my jaw for, because that's not food.

6:18 That's like, come on, like it's supposed to be edible.

6:20 No consuming food is not supposed to be work.

6:25 Okay. So yeah, 85, 86 wives. Okay.

6:26 So We began at the office building because that's what I call Angie's house because it's soulless. It's a box with no character. Yes.

6:38 Now, um, Mary Cosby is coming over there to see her and Angie still kind of, I don't know, uh, maiden to the queen of this show. Energy pulls out a bottle of 2013 Dom and asks Mary if this vintage is okay for her. Now famously Mary, um, Loves a vintage of Dom Perignon that made it through a heat wave that claimed the lives of dozens of people.

7:09 So let's not mince our words here. Mary Cosby is a sociopath and an evil person. Okay. Now, don't come at me. I don't know, psychopath, sociopath. I don't know the difference. She's a demon.

7:25 Okay.

7:26 And she calls this vintage of Dom Perignon a snooze fest.

7:31 Yeah.

7:31 Well, it's worth pointing out, Dylan, that Angie has spared no expense for Aunt Mary because she's gone through that personal tragedy. She serves her Chardonnay through a teapot and serves her Dolmades on plates with price tags still on them.

7:53 Mary rips all of it.

7:55 Oh, of course. And I think Angie's losing her mind. She asked her glam squad to make her look like a demon bellhop, of course, I've commented on that. And now she's trying to impress Mary with coffee mugs with bunny rabbits on them.

8:08 Yeah, it's really crazy. And Mary is very impatient with Angie and is, as I mentioned, attacking every wrinkle of her hospitality. But eventually, Angie sits down and tells her everything that happened in San Francisco. And Mary hears the entire thing and says, this is extremely disappointing to her.

8:30 Because As she is the mayor of these women, when they last sat down, she thought that the directive that she had issued for everyone to make bad TV and get along was going to be a little bit more adhered to. So Mary is going to get them all together and find out why....

8:56 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm asking, that's Mary up on her high horse. She shouldn't be there.

9:01 No, no, no.

9:02 Mary, get down off that high horse. Please get down. You lost your son. That does not negate the fact that you're a despicable human being.

9:09 I'm so excited. When we hit that 10-minute mark, I'm going to really, really let it rip. So we get to Brittany's daughter's 21st birthday. Now, Olivia and her had some repairing to do, given that Brittany chose men each and every day of her life while she was growing up.

9:28 Well, she needed to date guys like Jared Osment.

9:31 Right. Now, most of the cast heads over to celebrate, and Bronwyn sits down.

9:37 Who's dressed like Elmo.

9:40 Yeah, it's couture, it's beautiful, and she's better than everybody. Now, we talk about selling the house, and I love Britney. How much do you sell it for?

9:49 The guys and I.

9:50 Dig a city called Salt Lake. It's got the grooviest kids. That's why we never get. tired of Salt Lake. Salt Lake City There's a park near the city All the kids dig the lagoon now