Patreon Preview | Muscle Girl Bar | RHOC S20 E15

0:00 Ah, Muscle Girl Show.

0:01 This, I watched it for five minutes. I have no idea what this place is.

0:06 I'll tell you what this place is.

0:07 I don't think it's for women. I will tell you that. I am not sure that women are supposed to go to this place.

0:12 I agree.

0:13 Really?

0:13 Yeah, Pat, I agree.

0:15 Okay. Welcome to Bat TV. Ruby is in town, and you know what that means. Ruby's in town. Hey, Rubes.

0:36 Hi, Del.

0:36 How are you?

0:37 Good. What's up?

0:38 Nothing too much.

0:39 Okay. Pat's here, too.

0:41 Good to be here.

0:42 And little baby Kaylin's here with us. Hello. A little baby bird.

0:47 I want to let the audience know.

0:48 He's such a hardworking man. He's a great kid.

0:51 There have been so many comments, whether it be on Facebook or in our Patreon, about how much they love having Ruby in studio because they can feel the energy. They say we're on fire. I'll tell you what, you want Ruby to move here because she lives where they sell papaya dogs.

1:07 Yes.

1:08 You want her to move out here. You got to like support us more and then maybe she'll move out here and then be in studio.

1:14 All the time. Yeah, exactly.

1:15 We got to make like 20 grand.

1:16 More a month. $ 500, 000.

1:18 500?

1:19 Right. Okay. For now. And then we'll decide if it's more later.

1:23 Okay.

1:25 But yeah, Ruby lives on Long Island, the bad part of it. And am I wrong about that?

1:32 Nope.

1:32 East side.

1:33 And so if you want her to not live on the east side of Long Island anymore, Battery Park, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. But beyond just getting Ruby out to Los Angeles, we have great content there. Pat, tell them all about it.

1:49 Oh, my God. We're doing Love is Blind. And I love this season. I can't wait. It's like a day away until they give us another drop of three episodes. We're at the resort. And normally, we do the resort. And then I think we go back to hometowns. And then we meet the family, which is a little boring. But then we do the barbecue. And that's when we get all the people.

2:14 Sometimes meeting the family is fun.

2:16 Sometimes it's fun.

2:17 Oh, yeah. Remember that guy that had that mom that smoked a lot? And she was like, I don't know who their father is. Could be 15 different people. But I'll tell you what, I don't like you one bit. You remember that? She had the leather jacket or something.

2:31 Was she a long haul trucker?

2:34 No.

2:36 No.

2:37 I have two people I remember. One, I think it was the guy from last season whose mom was like, listen. my son has never had a job and he lies and that's okay. You should marry him.

2:48 Yeah.

2:48 Um, and then there, wasn't there a dad who meditated or was that a different, that was Alex.

2:53 The long haul truckers, mom, the, the, he would, the mom was the long haul trucker. She was like, yeah, you were going to do this, huh?

2:59 Got it. And I think it was the bachelor. I think it was Dean's dad. Was that the meditator?

3:03 Dean's dad. Yes, actually was the, uh, Ricky, excuse me, drove around in a van.

3:07 Um, Do you think we'll see Zach and Bliss at whatever live show? I do.

3:12 Yeah, I do think we'll see them.

3:14 Oh, Zach and I just love each other. And I can't believe.

3:17 We're still here. They'll hold up there.

3:18 We can't believe you're here either. Because you're two of the most uninspiring human beings on the planet.

3:23 Yeah.

3:24 Thank you.

3:25 No, that wasn't a compliment. We think you're losers.

3:28 They will bring their child.

3:30 I'm happy that he kept going because I was about to make fun of the child. The child.

3:35 There's nothing to make fun of. They just will bring it. And that's on them.

3:39 Here's the thing. Because they're such losers, their kid can only be awesome.

3:45 I'm not sure that that math matters.

3:47 That was a good pivot, though.

3:49 We also have Salt Lake City Patreon. Hypocrisy and bullshit.

3:52 Oh, yeah. It was supposed to sell us.

3:53 Hypocrisy and bullshit. Manipulation.

3:57 I'm bored. The glam kittens are, they've given us some of the best.

4:01 They're meowing.

4:01 They're meowing the loudest I've ever heard.

4:03 Big cat.

4:04 Oh, here's the news. Orange County, we got one more episode, I think. All right, so we got 16, episode 16, and then episode 17. Sometimes they do, they never do episode 18. So I know that we're going to wrap this up in the next two weeks. I don't think we're going to cover the reunion.

4:22 No, no, no, no, no, no. You know that we're not going to.

4:25 Cover the reunion. We're not because there's nothing to cover. We're going to pivot out of that.

4:30 Could you imagine that reunion?

4:34 No.

4:34 Could you imagine that reunion?

4:37 And I mean this. I think for the first time in probably 13 years, I won't even watch it.

4:43 I know.

4:48 Um, Hey, um, Vicki, um, Adriana from Cuntville, Nebraska wants to know why you chose to come back on this season.

4:57 Yeah.

4:57 You were such a bore.

4:59 And then she'll have a really good answer. And then, and then he'll go, Hey, uh, um, uh, Alberta from also Cuntville, Indiana, or whatever you said, wants to know, um, you talked about Carmela, her home, not feeling lived in. Go ahead and expand upon that. I regret it, and I think that Carmella's lovely. I wouldn't have my house staged like that, but it's her house, and I think she's a great mom. And you go, oh my God, how long is this?

5:29 24 minutes.

5:30 How are they going to get two more episodes out of this? So we're not going to do that. We're going to pivot over to the golden life.

5:38 Very excited for that. Oh, I am so happy, dear. You have made such a good choice.

5:45 Hi, Lou. I've got you under my thumb.

5:52 Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having us. Now, what is on display tonight is one of the reasons why we'll not be watching the reunion. Because we see, if I could give my tits, Tamara has an interesting... It's a little bit like when... venom right the person whoever is inside of venom i'm not a big comic book guy but i believe it's eddie brock or something he's like he's like screaming out like wants the thing off him and he's peeking outside what happens tonight is kind of like a reverse of that so the evil tamra starts to come out tonight but she's she's gone through a therapist inspired rebrand of herself.

6:38 For the 10th time.

6:39 We see the two personalities fighting tonight in the face of the Vicky. And what's her, is her estranged child's name? Stephanie? Sydney. Sydney. Um, that is what a lot of the reunion will be. That kind of Jekyll and hiding from her, which always amounts to no one being able to follow what the fuck anybody's talking about. Other than that, I thought it was a good show. Uh, Emily got bit by Kavi Berra.

7:05 That is, uh, Chef's kiss, 90 minus 88 tits.

7:13 Go ahead, Ruby.

7:14 Thank you, Pat. Really good number. Before we begin, I want to apologize to the country of Japan in general.

7:23 Yeah, oh my God.

7:24 I'm so sorry that you had to have them.

7:26 Yeah.

7:27 And I loved your Venom comparison because- I do not like watching her try to emote. It's, it's very, very uncomfortable.

7:40 Yeah.

7:40 It's, it makes me scared for her. It reminds me of how we all felt about Jen Shaw's face, that it was going to pop. It was so tight and full.

7:49 Yeah. It's like there's modulating and oscillating going on. And it's like, Oh wow. I can see it moving under there.

7:56 And it's not doing the emote. Like you're trying to cry. Question mark.

8:00 Question mark.

8:01 It's not, nothing is happening. Um, This was an ironic display, almost, of what is going on. But I agree with you. We will not be watching the reunion because four minutes of this was worth it. And 38 was... It was interesting to think about the fact that this is on air and they get paid to make this. 41 mediocre breasts.

8:29 And I'm just so happy that you apologized to Japan because like.

8:33 bomb being dropped on a head was less annoying. Oof. I don't know what I was thinking.

8:44 I mean, I think that we can leave it in because it was so not even remotely close that I, perhaps the context clues would clue people into what you were trying to do. But if they miss that, then maybe they'll just think that you were doing an impression of an Oompa Loompa or something.

9:10 And if you were one of those, good for you.

9:12 Keep moving with us. But I was going to say, like, I don't think that this is as bad as Hiroshima. I'm not going to go there.

9:23 Right.

9:23 Because of the loss of life. But it's not close, right?

9:27 Right. Can I give my... Yeah, go ahead. Tits?

9:33 Yeah.

9:34 Okay.

9:35 Boobs.

9:37 I can't handle Tamrat anymore.

9:40 Should we switch it to breastises?

9:43 Well, I mean.

9:44 We only have a couple episodes left.

9:46 Sure.

9:46 Okay. How many breastises would you do?

9:48 How's this show do on downloads?

9:49 Fantastic.

9:51 Why change now?

9:52 Okay.

9:55 What Tamrat did at the tail end of this episode, which was just ramp up the emotions. And then I am not going to say I felt bad for Vicki, but this had, and I believe had already been settled years earlier between her and Vicki. And then to work herself up into a tizzy and then just launch it at Vicki and And then Vicky leave the room, come back in, and then they hug it out. And I think it's only because Vicky diffused it because Tamrat really wanted to just launch into her. Tamrat, you have gone after everyone's family, everyone's kids, everyone's marriage, everyone's business. You went after Jen when her boyfriend Ryan's The FBI thing, you completely mocked it. You went after, remember Bass Lake?

10:53 Do you remember Naked Wasted when a guy was dying of cancer and you put your, it was Shakespearean, you had your... fucking delinquent son who was probably 17 at the time. Get a woman who was fucking intoxicated in a closet to try and have sex with her. Tamrat, do you have any memory when you're saying to us in the camera that you have never done this to anybody in your entire life? How can you possibly say that?

11:19 I think she believes it. Are you wearing.

11:22 The single longest socks of all time right now?

11:24 Can I tell you, Dylan?

11:25 Why are they so long?

11:27 Dylan, they are longer than you think. I'm not joking. You should cut this, Kaylin. These have been in my room. I do not know why I purchased them a year ago. I had to wear them today. The heel is here.

11:37 The heel is at your Achilles tendon.

11:40 The sock goes to my knee.

11:42 The longest socks I've ever seen. All right. So how many tits do you give it?

11:47 Well, I believe Ruby was making a point.

11:48 I'm sorry. I was just going to say, I think she genuinely believes that she has never done any wrongdoing. I think she looks at this stuff and she says, I was just pointing out that Ryan was breaking the law and she doesn't see the venom and darkness.

12:01 In her soul.

12:02 Correct.

12:03 Oh God, I hate her.

12:04 This reminds me that every time she apologizes to somebody, every time that you think there's some resolution in a friendship, and this is why... These people need to go, and we need to start fresh. Because they do not have real friendships. You've done horrible things to one another.

12:23 What are we going to do next season when they don't recast?

12:25 We're not going to cover it. Because you can't just keep seeing this thing over and over again. These people aren't friends. There's no coming back.

12:34 Kelly Dodd will get me back. Agreed.

12:37 They need to bring back either Kelly Dodd or have George W. Bush host the reunion. There's nothing short of that that will make this show revive itself.

12:47 But don't you agree? They've been so awful to one another. How do you come back from saying this person's a horrible mother?

12:53 Pat, can you please do W. Bush hosting the reunion?

12:58 Let me see here. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me four times, shame on you.

13:06 Okay.

13:08 A 62 tit.

13:09 Okay. After the temple, because we had that scene at the temple where Vicky was like, don't say that! And then said that the person that wrote the fortune should be fired. But after that, we get to the Muscle Girl bar.

13:27 Ah, Muscle Girl show.

13:28 This is a very, very confusing place. We saw, you know... It's a little bit like if you're watching No Reservations or like a Bourdain show, like he walks into a place, you're a little bit confused about what he's doing there. But as you see the segment unfold, you go, okay, that's what that place was. It's Cologne, Germany. It's weird. This, I watched it for five minutes. I have no idea what this place is.

13:52 I'll tell you what this place is.

13:53 I don't think it's for women. I will tell you that. I am not sure that women are supposed to go to this place.

13:58 I agree.

13:59 I agree.

13:59 Really?

14:00 Yeah, Pat, I agree.

14:02 Okay, so this was, there was a guy getting his fucking head.

14:05 Smashed in by two bazookas. Yeah.

14:08 Okay, and I think he was getting his face slapped too. He was. With hands. So you're possibly right, but this place is everything. You can eat here, party here, work out here, get your face punched by knee shooters. That's boobs. So, but What this place really represents in Japan is a place where anything goes. And this is why I love Japan.

14:36 It's a place where I know the world has a lot of problems right now, but Japan just kind of says, fuck it. We're just going to have fun.

14:44 I mean, the.

14:45 Go-karts wearing, I don't know, pajama squirrel outfits.

14:48 Yeah, it's essentially like a furry.

14:51 They're just like what America was like 20 years ago. Like, hey, let's have a pizza with hot dogs in the crust.

14:58 Right.

14:58 We've forgotten that.

15:00 Yeah. And I think that, you know, I was disagreeing with you pretty much the entire time you were speaking because Japan kind of famously has a very, very repressed hedonistic aspect of their culture.

15:14 By hedonistic, you mean they're polite in a subway as we'll get there, but that's why their porn is fucking bonkers.

15:21 It's eight tentacle monsters, right? And so stuff like that. But But that's no different to what America was in its heyday, right? We were sexually repressed monsters, but we were more polite and we were having fun with crusts. Now it's just, it's tired. I've had the Alfredo on the dominoes before. I actually find it to be quite disgusting.

15:43 Yeah.

15:44 It is disgusting.

15:45 Okay. So we get to, we hunt for trash cans and then we split up. One way food, one way copy bearer. Now, they hit the subways and they do not speak. I want Ruby, who resides in New York City, to talk about the difference between this subway and the subways that you crisscrossed the city in.

16:08 This is like saying, should we drive across the country or should we fly?

16:14 There is no.

16:16 Actual realistic comparison, what I would want to do is ask an 88-year-old Japanese woman who has only ridden Japanese subways, I would love to take her to Soho, throw her on the subway, and say, stay for two stops. And then if you don't have a heart attack from just what you see, I want you to then compare them.

16:37 Okay.

16:39 I don't have words.

16:40 How many fights have you seen break out?

16:43 I would say... In the last two years.

16:46 I mean actual fights.

16:47 I'm genuinely, genuinely counting in the last two years, like serious fights that have made me use the little thing in the middle that you're not supposed to walk through to change cars. Six.

16:57 That's a lot.

16:59 Patrick, I can't defend myself. That's way too fucking many fights. And I'm not going to places where people should be fighting on the train.

17:06 Right.

17:07 Because it's like, I'm going to an interactive theater show. Why are these people fighting? Why?

17:12 Why? I want go-karts with all of us wearing squirrel costumes. Exactly.

17:17 Well, before we get there, we have to sit down with Shannon, Vicki, and Heather and Meatball and the rest of the cast at this capybara cafe.

17:26 Yeah, with giant gerbils. I guess that's the, what do you call them again?

17:30 Capybaras.

17:30 Did you guys know they were that big?

17:32 They're massive.

17:33 I did not know that until today.

17:35 Babies can ride them.

17:36 Can we talk about moogie and pecan?

17:39 Yeah. Yeah.

17:40 Yeah, yeah.

17:41 Their names should have been Sperm Urn and Dick Pillows.

17:46 Oh. No, they shouldn't have been that. Yeah. No.

17:50 Yeah, yeah.

17:51 Those are insane names.

17:54 Well, Dick Pillows stinks up the place.

17:59 You're doing one of your weird short-circuiting things that you do sometimes. I mean, we all do. But what were the names of the copy bearer?

18:08 Sperm Urns. Because they have big balls. There's sperm urns, like two urns, you know?

18:15 Oh, got it.

18:15 And then dick pillows, like they have these huge sacks you can rest your head on.

18:20 Oh, got it. Okay. You're talking about the testicles of the copy bearer.

18:22 That's what I'm talking about. They're balls.

18:24 When I see the copy bearer, I see so much more than their testicles. Their testicles are exposed and grotesque. They are.

18:32 Well, one man's grotesqueness is another man's, you know, you can lay your head on them.

18:38 Yeah, I think that I'm not sure if the nerve endings kind of operate like that across the animal kingdom, but I sure wouldn't want anybody to use my testicles as a pillow. Because the disgraced Louis C.K. had this in his new special, and he's just a pig.

18:56 Oink.

18:56 But he had that thing about how... The worst thing, he had a friend that said you always got to prepare for the worst. And he thought about preparing for the worst and how crazy that is. And he said the worst thing that could happen to me is somebody torturing my testicles. And there's no way to prepare for that.

19:15 But that when you see torture in the news and movies and television, it's always this very elaborate stuff where people are getting electrocuted and their fingernails are getting ripped out. All you have to do is that. All you have to do is put your thumb and your index finger on a guy's balls and just kind of lightly squeeze, and he will tell you everything. But it's a great bit.

19:38 So anyways, he is a disgusting pig, as these capybaras are. No, they're very, very cute, but they are kind of farting, and they're putting their testicles on things.

19:48 Yeah, well, meanwhile, the ladies were counting how many.

19:50 Are Moogie and Pecan.

19:51 Or Sperm, Earn, and Dick Pillows. All right, well, meanwhile, the ladies recount how Vicky isn't always earning her salary because she leaves every event early. And we know this, Ruby, because- The ladies get pissed off behind the scenes when you leave an event early, you leave the rest of them to have to do the heavy lifting.

20:15 Of course.

20:15 And they get pissed, like actors. They're like, hey, we're doing a fucking scene here, and you're going to leave early?

20:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:21 And you're going to take the same money?

20:22 No, it's not fair. And what I will say, just to kind of add on to that, Vicky needs to be removed from the show immediately. Vicky has had a D-minus season. I don't think it's quite an F, but I think... It's been really, really bad. And one of the scenes that we see when we're kind of going down memory lane of Vicky not being on the show is her driving away in a motorized scooter. Mm-hmm. You're not on the show. That's it.

21:11 We can't do this. Let me tell you something. Tamrat took two years off. She recharged her batteries. She came on. She's a different type of horrible. Vicky took a couple years off. She came on. She had already kind of reestablished her life. She's come on, and she doesn't know how to do reality TV anymore.

21:30 And I just want to be very clear.

21:31 I want to hear Ruby's thoughts on it.

21:32 No, I do agree. I feel like it's weird. She's trying to rebrand herself in a way that feels like a weird... conservative country club retiree. And I don't, Tamara came back and said, I, I'm going to be darker. I'm I, I got a shovel and I'm digging deeper into like the core of the deepest, darkest part.

21:52 She's it.

21:53 She's yeah.

21:54 And she's it.

21:55 She resides in the sewers and she's actually a giant space spider.

22:00 Right.

22:00 And that's why Eddie's like, we've, I'm, I'm going to big bear and we're getting divorced.

22:04 Right.

22:04 And Vicky is like, I will get married. I will pay for my husband to love me. He will divorce me, but we will play golf together once a year. And that's enough.

22:12 Here's the thing though. And I'm not saying that I wouldn't watch a show with a bunch of older women. I think you, whatever.

22:19 It's not about that.

22:20 Whatever version of that show you want to make, just make it entertaining. It'd be great. This show is a, it's a show of stamina. You have to have stamina and want to put up with the shit. and to be there and film and buy in. It's like somebody in an improv group not buying in. Vicky is not only too old for this, she's too tired of it.

22:43 She's just done it. She's dead horse.

22:46 She's so bad. Yeah. I don't think she's too old for it. I think she's done it. And I think she resents the process. And I think she created the process in her mind. And now is like, just like, you should respect me no matter what I do. There's a lot of feelings like, and if, if you notice, she's the person that we're seeing most yells at the crew. Like, how dare you bring me here?

23:14 I think that she has a lot of, um, she wants to be, she's the person that she wants to be invited. So she can say no. But the thing is, is you can't say no. So she has to show up and then she just does bad. And I like there you were dating a man who had cancer and was lying and you knew and you were getting into fight into screaming matches with people at parties of with bows on cakes. And now you are wearing a knee brace and leaving dinners early.

23:48 Every party.

23:49 Not to double down on this, and again, I'm sorry, but let's just treat it like a law firm. Once you hit 65, that's it. We got new people coming in.

23:59 Or you're an airplane pilot.

23:59 That's it.

24:00 Come in for the party where Tamara has her cocktail thing and then leave.

24:04 Right, exactly.

24:07 Japanese restaurant.

24:08 Well, Vicky claims that her and Shannon....

24:12 Well, they're close, but you know.

24:14 They don't really talk. And this is, this is meatball doing the housewives thing.

24:21 That's right. She jumps in to reinforce the sentiment, like using the example, like, Hey, uh, you know, uh, Jesus jugs and Jen, they're hugging and, you know, you're not upset about that, but being upset about Vicki when, uh, you know, she did the same thing.

24:35 She's there.

24:35 They're attempting to drive a wedge in between Shannon Bedore and Vicki.

24:40 Yeah. And the wedge is placed there by Vicki. who is not really close with Shannon, and Shannon thinks she's very close with Vicki. Tamara's also struggling with her relationship with Vicki, and we flash back to a podcast called My Friend's Soulmate Podcast.

24:59 Okay, so no one listens to this fucking thing. Have you ever tried to have to deal with this?

25:04 Never.

25:05 It's called My Friend's Soulmate Podcast.

25:06 So she has a co-host who I have no idea who this fucking guy is. No one. It's been, it's existed for four years. You want to know how many reviews it has on iTunes? Oh, 350. She has been a celebrity on reality TV for what? 20 years. Well, we're doing the 20. No one listens to this podcast.

25:32 My friend's soulmate podcast.

25:35 It's a, it's a reference to when she screamed at Tamara, when Tamara, and she said, you're supposed to be my friend, my soulmate, my sister, my friend. And they're, Yeah.

25:45 Okay.

25:48 Do you not understand something about that?

25:50 But is it like whoop it up is so much more, so much more to her, but it's hilarious where my friends saw my podcast.

25:59 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

26:00 Here's what's funny about podcasts. It's like Tamrat, her podcast is like in the top 10 and then Vicky is Has a thousand people listening to her podcast.

26:11 Well, she's too busy. That's why she can't dedicate enough time. Now, while the ladies rip it up, Carmela is back in OC and she just cannot regulate. She's taking 10 units of insulin a night because she's so stressed out and she's stressed out about the trip. And to Carmela, I'd say, you're not on it.

26:25 No, it's okay.

26:26 It's fine because you're not on the trip that you're so stressed out about.

26:30 Your glucose can regulate because you are in your house with your big flowers. You are not in.

26:34 Japan, right? Can we all agree that this little filming segment was for her to try and convince us one last time why she didn't make the trip?

26:46 Oh, I thought you were going to say or that she lived in that house.

26:48 Well, weren't you going to say that she's a shady bitch?

26:55 I'm that's what I'm, that's where I'm going. Also, why was there a, can we address why the monster energy drink was not glued to her hand this time? Because it's generally is.

27:05 Because she was talking about Adderall. She probably didn't want to have it in the same- Yeah.

27:09 Don't want to double up on that kind of source. Now we get in the vans and we really smack the fuck out of each other. What was this about? Was this AI?

27:16 What was this about?

27:17 This was insane.

27:19 I think it was the- Okay, I actually watched this twice because I was so- I was confused. I think this was the editors trying to compare the two vans of like one van was ha ha ha slapping each other in the face. And those women are old enough and they've had enough work done that I would be like, do not touch my face. And I've not had any work done. And that's not something they should be doing.

27:40 And then the other van was just silently, you know, wow. Do you think that that's, those balls were big?

27:46 They were smacking each other in the face.

27:48 And laughing hysterically. I don't know if they were really drunk.

27:52 So it, it, it didn't come from an earlier bit about slapping.

27:56 I believe that it was after the muscle girls and the editors just were having fun.

28:02 All right, so let's meet the tea master. I want to be a tea master. That's a great title. Aw. Yeah. Gina is very worried about being racist. She's like, should we be here? Is this appropriate? And she was like, you guys paid, right? It's fine. Jen says when they're stirring up their matcha, this is an arm workout. I work out, and this is an arm workout. Jen is lovely.

28:33 There is, I honestly think that Heather Dubrow might be one of the, probably the best housewife on this show.

28:40 In what sense?

28:41 Just doing the work, being a fixture, being in the mix, not being too... delusional about stuff, being able to kind of root yourself to some kind of reasonable drama.

28:55 I think this comes up later.

28:56 That's how you know you have a horrible show.

28:59 Later in the episode, Heather Dubrow actually, remember people say things out loud. My wife always says this about conspiracies. People say things out loud, like whether it be in the press or like to the camera, they'll tell you exactly Michael Jackson.

29:15 It's bad. I'm bad.

29:16 I'm bad.

29:17 We've spoken about it. It's the revelation of the method.

29:19 I'm having sex with children.

29:21 Yeah.

29:22 Heather wrote actually tells the girls outside. I'm fucking fake. Yeah.

29:28 Well, there had been rumors about her early in the season, I think. So she was, she was kind of still grinding that. You think so? Okay.

29:35 Well, I, she is fake on TV and she's having a little laugh. I am telling you, I'm fake. I'm fake.

29:42 I'm bad.

29:44 I'm bad.

29:45 I'm bad. All right.

29:46 All right. Anyway, at the- Ruby, your thoughts?

29:49 He was very bad and I think she was quoting somebody, but also she is very fake.

29:56 Did you see that?

29:57 No.

29:58 Fireball in my hand.

29:59 All right. So the ladies are supposedly here to make tea, but it's clear they're really here to drive a wedge between Vicky and Chantabador. And it kind of works because Vicky has no issue with Jesus jugs. And on her podcast that no one listens to, apparently Vicky has a foggy memory over whether or not she told Chantabador that she was going to have Jesus jugs on.

30:20 Remember that?

30:22 Yes, I do. And Shannon says, no, you did not call me. And Vicky says, well, you know what? Here's the thing. I don't give a shit if I did or not. And if you had said no, I would have had her on anyways.

30:33 I love how the women are very, very confused. I think Vicky is the one that's mainly confused about this. But Tamara, maybe too. There's a general malaise about if you are friends with someone and they hate another person. Mm-hmm. You don't have those people on your podcast. That's the way friendships work. So Vicki is blown away by this.

30:59 It does not compute. I know that Shannon's been sued by this woman and she hates her, but what does that have to do with me? Well, you're a friend. Right. Right.

31:08 Oh, I didn't know. I think I told her.

31:11 Vicki's like, Vicki's just... She's an awful person, correct?

31:16 She's a dark, bad person. Her and Tamra are different types of venom, but they are both snakes and they're venomous.

31:22 Tamra's worse.

31:23 Tamra's darker, I think. Vicky's sad.

31:26 This is when Tamra then takes the floor and asks Vicky about the Sydney comments.

31:31 Yeah, this is the new rebrand of Tamra. This is the one who feels and the one who can be hurt more. Tamara in the past does not indulge this kind of stuff.

31:47 Vicky has publicly apologized for those comments, which were awful, but....

31:57 Not wrong.

31:58 Not off track.

31:59 Right.

32:02 Repeatedly apologized. And I believe Tamara has accepted the apology. Do you remember way back four months earlier when they agreed to start filming with each other? And it was Vicky who brokered back in, what's that famous restaurant they all eat at in Orange County?

32:19 Javier's?

32:19 No, no, no. Why a Woman?

32:21 Yes.

32:22 She brokered the- Javier's? She brokered Shannon Bedore and Tamrat getting back together. Yeah. Now Tamrat's pissed at Vicky again?

32:34 Yes, because what this does is it gives Tamra an opportunity to go full days of our lives. And that's exactly what she does. Were it not for the other woman to lift her up like that flag at Iwo Jima.

32:51 Oh, it's exactly like that.

32:53 She would have hit the ground. and cried some more. It doesn't work on me. She's fucking evil. Go ahead.

33:00 I just want to note that she, again, the worst part of this episode was every time she tried to cry and it was like, oh, oh no, what are we doing now?

33:07 Oh, nope.

33:08 Still no tear. I don't know if it's too, the tear ducts are too tight. They're covered now with the skin. It's been pulled so far, but she can't do it. And it looks like she's in a little bit of pain.

33:19 Yeah.

33:20 Um, but she says to Vicki and it's important to know, and I hope that Sydney watched and hears that if she had to like make the choice, like, would she go back? Probably like it's absolutely not. Definitely.

33:34 Well, because she already did that and it didn't do anything.

33:36 Right.

33:36 So probably maybe I would pick my kid last next time.

33:40 Maybe. Right. Yeah.

33:42 I would have stayed with Simon.

33:44 Probably.

33:44 And been miserable.

33:46 Maybe.

33:46 Maybe.

33:47 Yeah, but it's one of two things going on with Tamra. There's a kink in the hose, as you said, because of the....

33:53 Tight, the tautness.

33:54 Right, the tautness. Or the demonic cauldron that is her soul just evaporates any and all moisture that could come out of the eyes. It just burns up so fast.

34:09 Okay, so... I think they break for lunch and then Shannon Bedore comforts Tamrat as everyone leaves. And then this is where everyone goes outside and they ponder like, hey, wouldn't it suck if your daughter hated you this much? And then Tamrat and Shannon Bedore embrace and Tamrat says, look, my biggest regret is hurting you, Shannon Bedore. And she apologizes.

34:39 And I was thinking, how many times have we seen Tamrat give an emotional apology like this? I think it's at least 10 times.

34:48 Just to Shannon, probably.

34:50 Probably. And I'm sorry, we're over this. You've done this too many times. And it's very performative.

35:00 At this point. You know what it is? It's a sugar cookie. I go, I go.

35:07 No, thank you.

35:08 I don't need that. What is that? That's just.

35:23 Oh, I do that sometimes. Now, if it's a cookie from a grocery store, I'm like, I don't need this.

35:30 It's going to make me feel bad.

35:32 Yes.

35:33 You could eat it, though.

35:35 Yeah, but I'm not drunk. So it's not going to like.

35:40 That's how I feel about this show.

35:41 It's not going to be awesome.

35:42 I feel about this show the way I feel about a Ralph's sugar cookie. Yep. Okay. Now let's get up the next morning. Yes. Ripped and ready for a new day in Japan. Now Vicky's just horrified by what transpired the night before. She isn't sure if she wants to have a friend like Tamara. And Heather goes, well, you've probably got some emails, right? why don't you could just go do some emails? And she goes, you know what?

36:06 That's a really good idea. I'm going to go do that. Now, Heather, Tamara, and Emily, they all head out to do Mario karting around Japan. Um, they're very, very spooked and they're driving very slow and that's like a whole gag. And it's like a bit that they do.

36:18 Okay.

36:20 Yep.

36:20 We're okay.

36:21 Great. So we head out to lunch and Vicki doesn't want to eat anything. Okay.

36:25 She's just, I can't eat.

36:27 I'm not going to eat. And this is not quite Vicki walking away from a scene. Um, But it's Vicky not wanting to play. I feel like every time she sits down, she's just like either over it, not interested in it, or just going to shut it down outright. If it gets too big, she'll walk away. Not fun.

36:49 Yeah, by the way, what kind of show would this be? You created this.

36:52 Right.

36:54 She is the type of person where if they were in an improv scene where everybody was in a conference corner, room that was really intense, Vicky would fake a call and take the call outside and pretend in the corner of the stage to be on the phone while everybody else behind her is still doing improv.

37:10 I got to get back to some emails. Yeah, that's what this is.

37:12 Okay.

37:14 It's so crazy. Now Vicky and Meatball try to talk through the situation. And at some point, Jen just calls Vicky on like, you're speaking out of both sides of your mouth and you need to be honest. And Vicky accuses her of lying. This is when Jen starts to really, really raise her voice a little bit. And Vicki says, do not raise your voice at me.

37:38 I'm triggered. My mom used to yell at me.

37:41 Vicki is.

37:42 Whose mom didn't? What are we talking about here?

37:50 Not only did she say my mother used to yell at me, which again, whose mom didn't, but the exhibit A that they use to show how abusive her mother was, was I think them driving to Wendy's laughing at something.

38:04 There just wasn't yo.

38:05 No.

38:06 Right. So again, Vicky's just shutting shit down again. And Emily lets Tamara know that Vicky, she's got a sharp tongue. And not only did she say that to you in the tea master ceremony, she said that she stands by all of it and kind of doubled down. Emily is doing this like, I feel like this act or this kind of like baton passing needs to be occupied by... Now, it's not an exact recipe and the world's not perfect, but it would be nice if like one housewife a season did this. When we have one housewife doing it seven times, it just gets so tired. It's like Emily's doing this thing again where she's back channeling. It was Tamara last season. Every fucking episode, it felt like Tamara was...

39:00 Did you hear what she said the other day?

39:01 I don't know how all your taste is.

39:03 Shane sucks, and I hate him. I don't want to marry him. I don't want to marry him.

39:07 He's a loser.

39:07 He drinks big gulps. But anyway, my kids suck. This kid, he won't eat french fries.

39:12 But anyway, I'm sorry. Where am I at? Oh, Vicky, she told us.

39:16 Your daughter hates you because you have a sharp tongue. Anyway, that's what she told us.

39:23 That is. That's a King of the Hill character. That's like a neighbor in King of the Hill.

39:31 That's not Emily? And this causes Tamrat to fucking lose it. Yes. I'm going to get this bitch tomorrow.

39:38 Now, we get ready for a night out, and Shane's daughter evidently has joined Emily in ridiculing Shane. She took a, I felt so bad for Shane.

39:51 I didn't because you know why I, and I'm, this is going to be complimentary of Shane.

39:55 Yeah.

39:57 Stop trying with your wife, have an affair and say, listen, I may, I have money. You don't, you're small. I'm right. It's Danny DeVito to Matilda. It's time for Matilda and Danny DeVito in the parking lot. I'm sorry. I feel as though Shane is an abused husband. He's a small man drinking his big gulps. I don't think that he's trying to please her in bed anymore. I don't think that was for Emily. That's what I'll say. I don't either.

40:19 Good for you, Shane. Good for you.

40:22 Do you really think it was him prepping to get out there?

40:25 I do.

40:26 I think it's hilarious that she thought, look at this guy.

40:28 He's always trying to make me happy and please me in bed.

40:32 Emily, it wasn't for you.

40:33 Bobby, don't go down there. Don't go to his house. If it was for Emily, the fact that the daughter is taking a picture of it, they've raised their daughter to be some kind of demonic bully. And Emily is ridiculing her husband with the other women. It's just like, Emily, you are Gollum.

41:05 You're Gollum.

41:05 The ring is polluting you. You are just getting skinnier and skinnier and skinnier. Before you know it, she's going to just be biting living fish. You don't need to cook them. She's going to be eating them because they're low calorie. And people are going to go, you can cook it. And she says, she's going to say, I don't have a house anymore. We got a divorce. I'm living out here. I'm Gollum. All right. So... They head out to the sushi demonstration. The fact that Gina... I mean, we're here in Japan, and Gina's... A lot of the housewives are like, you want us to... We're supposed to do this in one bite?

41:54 By the way, I'm sorry. One last backup before we get here.

41:57 It's not a fat burger. It's a piece of sushi.

42:05 Go ahead. Sorry, I stepped on you. One thing is when, if you don't think for a second that Tamrat lending her glam squad to Shanna Bedard was trying to bribe her to be an ally.

42:17 It's a bribe. Yes.

42:18 That's it. I'm sorry.

42:19 Let's get back. No, no, no. It's important to say that's a full-blown bribe. So this sushi demonstration goes off without a, you know.

42:26 Then they move over to our table with fucking French fries and charcuterie.

42:30 Thank God. Heather was like, okay, everybody, good job. No one ate that. That was disgusting. We have pizza, charcuterie, and French fries over here. Come on, America, sit down.

42:38 Can you imagine that? Like you're in the land with the best sushi you could possibly get.

42:44 Can I imagine it? I've done it. I mean, I'm just saying for.

42:48 These women, can you imagine going there and, well, I mean, you weren't.

42:53 I've never been to Japan.

42:56 If you went, would you eat the fish?

42:57 I would.

42:58 Okay.

42:58 Absolutely.

42:59 Yeah, I know you would. Why did you say I've done it?

43:01 Oh, just because every different country I've ever been to, I fucking order a cheeseburger.

43:05 No, I know, but you would, I don't even think that you would show this amount of disrespect for this. Oh, no, absolutely not. No. I mean, this was like ugly American shit. So, Vicky and Tamara, everything's going well. Everybody's being fake. We're talking about the French fries, how much better they were than the world-class fish, and Tamara goes, you know what?

43:27 I fucking had enough. We're all pretending like this isn't a big deal. Tamara, this is your first gear. This is how you are normally every second of waking life.

43:43 When she sat back in that chair, the way that she said that, are we just going to act? Are we just going to keep it was, it reminded me when Dylan and I were, were small and teenagers and we would get into fights and I would get really, really, really angry. And he would be like, really? Oh, I'm sorry.

44:00 And I was like, I, I, the things I felt to her when she did that, when she laid back in that chair and said that I was like, you are, your earpiece isn't in far enough right now. You desperate, dark, And the women don't even know what to do with it when she comes out like that.

44:17 Yeah, because they're so accustomed to being this fake all the time.

44:22 I also think Tamara wanted to make an early night out of it. Like we could eat dinner for two hours and then eventually get around to this. Or I could just sit back like I'm fucking the godfather and just go, we're getting to this right now. And then we can wrap the night up.

44:38 Well, it's so funny because the old, like last season's Tamara comes out. Tamara took a lot of heat last season.

44:45 Last two seasons.

44:46 Deservedly so. And always deflected. So Vicki goes, okay, we can talk about it again for the 50th time. It's never happened. Okay. It's never happened, but I, it has 50 times, but I will say again, or for the first time, I am so sorry about what I said, but you've said some stuff too. And then Tamara goes, name one thing that I've said that hurt you. And, Vicky pulls, I mean, she's got 50 to go to, but she pulls out the cancer thing that Tamara had a lot of fun with. And she says, that hurt me.

45:22 And Tamara says, I'm so sorry. Kidding. She says, Shannon said it too.

45:28 What?

45:31 What? is that she can never, she demands apologies and can never apologize.

45:37 So, um, I believe everyone leaves the room at this point. Well, they've initially act as mediators and they go, I think a good idea would be, let's leave them to, to work it out. And then what they didn't know was Vicki is going to leave the room as well.

45:50 Well, and Shannon has to go up to her, who's the best messenger of this, like the silver medalist of getting the fuck up from the table. But Shannon goes to Vicki and she goes, kick you off they're gonna kick you off the show and you have to get back to the table because you just haven't been filming you gotta get back there she goes fine I'm gonna go whoop it up is there anything on this shit they cry and they well what.

46:16 Was hilarious is Vicky fucking just yelling at production I can't believe you brought me here to Japan for this gives him gave him a tongue lashing and then she they hug it out with they hug it out and then Tamrat is like spellbound like is that it Can we.

46:33 Do a quick thing really quickly?

46:35 It's horrible television.

46:37 I want to do a quick game. Can we grade the Housewives season? We're at the end of the season. I want to ask you two how you think these people did. All right. Well, I'm going to give you a name, and you give me the grade.

46:48 I don't think we need to grade the cast. Oh, I'd love to.

46:52 Yeah, let's grade the cast.

46:53 Can I say this, though? One last one note. You brought in a cast member named Carmella. who is just a random person. This is the 20th.

47:02 If this was season 16, 7, 22, 23, this is supposed to be your celebration of the launching pad of this franchise, dare I say, the network.

47:15 And this is what you did.

47:16 It's a giant failure. This season would get an F. But Carmella. B.

47:24 She didn't go to Japan. C.

47:29 Meatball. C. D.

47:33 Didn't bring anything to the table. You got engaged. Snorefest.

47:41 Emily. F.

47:44 Get off my television.

47:45 Whatever the needs improvement grade is. I or something.

47:49 Vicky. D.

47:52 Only because you're so horrible. I'll give her the highest grade.

47:58 C +. Tamara.

48:01 C plus.

48:02 I'll give her a C.

48:04 Heather Dubrow. C.

48:08 I'll go B plus. She was the only logical, remotely non-person that didn't make me want to end myself the most.

48:15 And lastly.

48:16 But she never brings anything.

48:17 Shannon Bedore. D. C.

48:22 A fucking dog that's going to die. That's what she brought.

48:25 We contrast, and rest in peace, Archie, we contrast that to Salt Lake City, who in three episodes, I think that we.

48:31 Have- Potomac has been on the air for two episodes now, as of literally today. I would watch those two episodes every week in place of these and say, oh, I love this show so much.

48:45 Really? But why'd they bring Robin back though? My wife's very upset about that.

48:49 I think that Robin is going to be important because of all of the shade that she has thrown at Wendy. And Wendy will be probably, her husband and or her will be going to jail.

49:01 Wendy, you want to talk about turning into a fucking golem? Oh my God, is she awful. Again. We wish we covered it.

49:08 We have a husband who is on dating sites and apparently a marriage that two people that don't actually know each other.

49:16 Uh, we have, we have somebody who has been, who has a separate lawyer from her husband and they are, uh, she is saying on national television that they don't trust each other anymore.

49:27 Um, and they're getting, uh, going.

49:29 To court in two months for insurance, uh, possibly fraud.

49:31 Right.

49:31 Yeah. Yeah. And then also we have, uh, the, the divorce couple that are now back together better than ever. Teemu.

49:40 Stacey.

49:40 Yeah. Get in the comments. Should we have watched that? Well, it started two weeks ago, so we.

49:47 Couldn't have watched it. We're going to do.

49:48 We got one more episode, then we're going over to the golden hour.

49:51 That's right. The golden life.

49:54 The golden life. Got it. Get in the comments. I'm Dylan. Say goodbye. Pat, say goodbye.

49:58 Later, guys.

49:59 Bye-bye.