Where Is My Bedside Wine?| Below Deck S13 E3

0:00 But anyways, it's very rude to not get this woman her thing. She's paying guests. She asked for them. Rainbow said okay. She then went to sleep. And Rosa is the only person left on service. So when she gremlin crawls up the stairs to ask where her nuts and chips are, Rosa is the only knight available to fight off this evil. Now, Rosa I do not think handles this very well.

0:28 Well, she's taken off guard.

0:30 She's taken off guard.

0:31 She's got this drunken hag walking around. She's like, oh, my God. And then she's like, hey, where's my wine and nuts?

0:55 Hello. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of Bad TV. That is short for Bad Television. I'm Dill. That's short for Dylan. And that's Pat.

1:04 I'm Pat. And that's short for Pat.

1:06 That's short for Patty. Kalen is here as well.

1:09 Hello. Hey, Kalen.

1:10 How are you? I'm doing pretty good. Thank you. He's keeping it pretty close to the vest today. Kind of walled off. It won't Won't really let us in. You know what I mean?

1:22 He's a pretty quiet guy.

1:23 Trying to know about his heart. And he's saying, I'm not interested. Which is completely fine.

1:29 Can you name the names of his two children, Dylan?

1:32 Yes, I can.

1:34 I don't think you can.

1:35 So today we have an episode of Below Deck to get into. But we should first tell people very exciting things at patreon.com. Oh, my God. Go ahead.

1:46 Love is Blind Boston. We got, I think, five more episodes left. Fuck.

1:51 We are holding a nation spellbound with our recaps of that.

1:54 We do it the best. There's no one that can touch us.

1:56 I really don't think anybody can. Nope.

1:59 Nope. Try.

2:00 Join us under the tent of patreon.com slash another podcast network.

2:03 We are also covering Salt Lake City.

2:06 Everyone has told us we're keeping it real over there because we like to keep it real.

2:09 We keep it real because we're keeping it real.

2:11 Okay.

2:12 Mary Cosby sucks.

2:13 And if you want to hear the real talk on that and you don't want to suck up to her and You know, say how, you know, she's a nice person and whatnot.

2:22 She's not. Join us over there.

2:24 Yeah, for sure. This season's weird. It's like, imagine if Don Corleone became the head of the mafia, not through his cunning strategy and, you know, ruthlessness, but because a kid died, you know.

2:38 Well, or a kid, yeah. Yeah.

2:39 It's a complicated topic. We keep it real over at Patreon.com.

2:44 Because we're keeping it real.

2:45 We're keeping it real at Patreon.com slash another podcast network. We have an episode to get into. It is episode three or four. We're early on. What do you think about.

2:58 This episode?

2:59 I love it.

3:01 Want to know why?

3:04 Yeah.

3:04 Because I hate that fucking obnoxious charter guest. These are some obnoxious charter guests.

3:12 They got two. It was very weird because they were very matter of fact and like quickly just pointing out things that they didn't like and then moving on. And I was like, okay, that's not– I mean it's still rude, but it's not that bad. And then it kind of went full Godzilla. But sorry, these are your pots.

3:29 Oh, no. Well, I was trying to figure out what was really irritating about these people because there's a lot of charter guests that we don't like. But as they were enjoying their charter throughout the day, whether at the dinner table or maybe just sitting at lunch or ordering drinks, I was like, something triggered in my mind what they reminded me of.

3:50 And it's six-year-olds. Six-year-olds. Think about it. No impulse control. They're not polite. No manners. Asking for everything under the sun. They're antsy. And most importantly, fucking annoying.

4:04 They need juice to go to bed, or they need a specific drink to go to sleep.

4:07 They're six-year-olds.

4:09 Yeah.

4:10 I don't like six-year-olds, and I have one. Yeah.

4:12 Hmm.

4:14 They don't know how to behave themselves.

4:15 Yeah, and they're coming into their own. They have more agency, and they get a little mouthy, you know? Mm-hmm. That's why, you know?

4:22 I really hate her. And I also hated how she essentially lied. What took place with Rosa.

4:26 I'm still very confused about what transpired.

4:28 Well, she thought she was talking about rainbow. She was, she had thought she was rainbow and Rosa. Yes.

4:35 Yeah.

4:35 Never believe a fucking drunk.

4:37 Well, that is the main difference between them and six year olds. Um, although we're not really, I don't know what goes down in Malaysia or stuff like that. I'm not really sure, but, Typically, six-year-olds don't get as shit-faced as this wine hag got that evening.

4:54 I always go to bed with wine as a side cart. Oh, okay. Do you? Okay, Queen Elizabeth. Anyway, I loved it. 14 knots.

5:04 I loved it as well. The guests were absolutely awful. Fraser was– On fire. Fraser-ing tonight.

5:10 I like to say, and Dylan, you're going to slap me across the face for this. I like to say we've had an influence on the young man. He's letting out, he's just going, he's just going for it. He's letting out his inner snark and just, I think he was holding back for a lot of years.

5:26 And now he's just like, she's a fucking bitch.

5:28 I would never come across and slap you right now. It sounds way too exhausting, but I will disagree. I do think that Fraser has this, this is, this exists within him. Again, we've talked about it in the first episode. His father is some kind of oligarch. We're not really sure. I think he's a spy. So Fraser has a certain amount of disdain for this kind of trashy wealth. And he's right, too. They are disgusting. Also, some magnificent stuff going on with the Sea Rats. We've got Kaylee and...

5:59 I call them Einstein. I don't... What is his name?

6:03 Matt.

6:04 Matt. We've also got Yesenia and Alex. We've got James. We've got Rainbow... who I want to be as delicate as we possibly can when we talk about her adopting a British accent. I know we want to be very empathetic and open.

6:21 I told everyone she should wear a straight jacket like five episodes ago.

6:25 No one believed me.

6:27 She's taking on an English accent like she's fucking Madonna.

6:31 I want to.

6:34 You don't get to do that.

6:35 I want to be delicate with this.

6:35 You moved to a country for three years. You don't get to take on their accent.

6:38 But yes, Rainbow may be full-blown... Just absolute fucking loony bin nuts. So, I'm going to give it 14 knots, too. So, Kalen?

6:49 Yes.

6:51 We wake to a common interaction in Seareddom. That being the morning after.

6:59 Ah, morning after a whole lot of motherfucking bad decisions.

7:03 And Kaylee and Matt wake up.

7:05 Yeah.

7:05 And she explains it's now an intimate situation. Her words, not mine. Not mine. Bodies connecting, souls connecting.

7:13 Yeah.

7:14 And then she stops herself and says, oh, my God, what I just said was fucking insane.

7:20 And I'm basically phrasing– what's the word?

7:26 Summarizing.

7:27 Summarizing what she said, which was, you know what? If I wasn't on this boat with this douchebag for the next six weeks.

7:33 We'd probably never talk to each other tonight. I should probably get an STD check, but yeah.

7:38 You think she came to any of those conclusions?

7:41 Well, she probably should. Okay.

7:43 Should and did are completely different things because from my vantage, the booze and delusion did not shed overnight. She wakes up the next morning and asks, should we get married now? Which is, you know, a little tongue in cheek, but she then does give this interview about this being an intimate relationship at this point. And this is where like, listen, I hope I'm not putting my foot in my mouth.

8:08 I think the majority of people will agree with me. I am completely for the sexual revolution and the feminine sexual revolution and unshackling, right? But if you're going to have meaningless sex... It must be meaningless. Okay? Men are, we excel at devaluing intimacy. And if you want to devalue intimacy, you have to stay convicted to the devaluing of the intimacy. You can't just bang somebody after 48 hours of knowing them and then go, we are in a relationship. That's fucking nuts. Do you agree with that?

8:49 Oh, 100%. Okay.

8:51 Galen, what about you?

8:52 Of course.

8:55 Okay. Fantastic. So listen, um, she says this is not a one night stand for me and that she will feel pretty bad if he takes off after bedding her. We'll see what happens.

9:08 Yeah.

9:08 Well, and my, uh, meanwhile in the galley, Mo, uh, checks in on Rosa and it appears that she might be waving the white flag regarding James in attempt to, uh, attempt to protect her heart.

9:21 We'll, uh, We'll see how long that lasts.

9:23 Don't worry about that. He has a relationship with Michelle on land. So Rainbow adopts a British– or no, no, no. We should say Rainbow with a boyfriend. Says, James, you are magnificent eye candy. And then proceeds to hug him for what looked to be 17 and a half minutes.

9:48 Well, Dale, truth be told, old Patty loves a flirty girl. I just don't like to date them.

9:54 Right.

9:54 My personal story here. Dating my girlfriend, who became my wife.

10:01 We're at a bar.

10:02 About two or three months into our dating, and I'm up ordering a drink at the bar.

10:06 Yeah.

10:07 Nice young lady.

10:08 Where else would you order the drink from?

10:10 Oh, that's right.

10:10 Yeah.

10:11 And a girl starts talking to me, and I forget that I actually am dating someone.

10:15 I don't know how that happened.

10:16 Right, right, right. It's a new relationship.

10:19 Right.

10:19 And I didn't know boundaries at that point.

10:21 So I'm talking to this girl probably for a couple minutes, definitely too long and inappropriate and not nice. And Cherie, she walked straight up to the bar and she ended that conversation very quickly. And she taught me a lesson.

10:35 How inappropriate that was and how rude that was. And I never did it again. And you know, she's been terrifying me ever since.

10:45 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You need somebody like that to keep you in line. Uh, I want to play a live, uh, look at rainbow's boyfriend really quickly. Oh, sorry.

10:57 Uh, uh, What is his name?

10:59 Arnav, I think.

11:00 Arnav. I bet Arnav's not in the picture.

11:03 No, I don't think so. All right. So we get a few meetings, both interior and exterior.

11:09 Well, I was going to say minutes later, Kaylee lies to Fraser and tells him that her and Matt didn't turn that guest cabin into a protein crime scene, you know?

11:17 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dexter could glean a lot from that room. And if you just kiss in a room, Dexter walks in and goes, I got nothing. But they shot fluids all over the walls and beds, so that's something that you can actually work with. We get to the exterior of the Decky's meeting, and they're all late. Alex is having to snuff out group mutiny and single mutiny. And I just do not think that he's cut out to do it.

11:58 Yeah.

11:59 He acknowledges being a hard ass doesn't come easy. But if he's going to keep his job, it's a cross he's going to have to bear.

12:06 Yeah.

12:06 We'll see how that goes.

12:08 By the way, I want to apologize if you're watching us on YouTube like a movie. I got this phone. I got this new phone. It's orange. It's very unsightly. I got an orange one so that I could find it when I lose it. But now, is it just going to be orange all the time?

12:24 If you lose it, why don't you just put one of those tracker things on it?

12:28 You know, I've never gotten one of those. I don't really know how they work. If you're tracking your phone, how do you track the phone? Because you use the phone to track it.

12:35 You live with your wife, right?

12:37 Yeah.

12:37 She has a phone.

12:38 I got to tell you, though, she's getting so sick of me not being able to find stuff. I mean, it's just crazy. I'm so bad at seeing.

12:45 Well, can I do a meanwhile?

12:47 Yeah, of course.

12:47 Meanwhile, Rosa jokes with Rainbow about her accent. This is an attempt to, on her part, to make things nice. Unless I'm missing something, Rosa's pretty mature and emotionally stable.

12:58 Oh, you're missing something. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're out of your mind to say something like that.

13:05 Well, I can't wait to find out what happened to her dad.

13:10 Patrick, Rosa is a lovely human being. Love her accent, love her temperament. At the end of the day, what is she?

13:19 A C-rat.

13:19 She's a C-rat.

13:20 Which is why I brought up something's awry here. What happened to her dad?

13:25 Kaylee, we get a little C-rat history from her. Kaylee, oh boy. I think Kaylee needs a couch that costs a little bit of money to sit in once a week. Kaylee goes into a, and don't, hey, hey, and don't we all, right? Kaylee goes into a little C-Rod history about having abusive boyfriends in the past that alienated her from her friends. And Kaylee loves love. We've seen this many, many times before. Sleeping with a guy and then falling in love with him in 48 hours, having a boyfriend who could ostracize you from the rest of your friend group, being in love with– this is all adding up to something that needs to be fixed.

14:16 This is where you got to have a dad that you want to– Not date your dad, but your dad sets the tone for what kind of dude, the expectations.

14:29 Of a dude.

14:29 Yeah. A good father will show his daughter a standard of love and what it means to be cared for.

14:38 But then it goes too far.

14:40 Yeah.

14:41 Girls are like, hey, where's my fucking Porsche?

14:43 Right.

14:43 The dad went too far.

14:45 Yes. Way too far. Way too far. No, you're not getting a Porsche, Alexandra. Yeah. Skyler. You're 12 years old, Skyler.

14:55 Yeah.

14:55 Okay?

14:56 Yeah.

14:56 We'll get you a Porsche when you're 14. So, Justinian, Alex, I completely forgot that the boss hooked.

15:05 Up with one of his underlings. Big mistake. Big, big, big, big, big mistake.

15:08 It's very, very tough to exert authority when you're fucking up in front of your crew in... Within context of the work and then the social dynamics. That's where Alex is. Alex is, what's the over-under of episodes? Because I think he's going to be gone.

15:29 I think he's got three more.

15:30 If he makes it more than three is what I was going to set the line at, I'll be shocked. Color me. If we're an episode after three more and he's still here, color me shocked. All right, what do we got next?

15:43 Uh, let's see, Alex and Matt catch up and he tells her, uh, he had sex with Kaylee. Meanwhile, Kaylee and Rosa chat and well, the, I guess the, uh, messy relationships. And then Alex, uh, tells us he kid, uh, kissed, uh, whatever. And then, Oh, this is the part Matt announces to James that he fully plans on pursuing other women. Uh, and James admits that, uh, he's kind of likes flirting with rainbow. Um, Polly marks, uh, Polly markets have it that he'll have her bent over like a rainbow by episode eight.

16:14 Jesus Christ.

16:15 40% of the markets are– the betting house are– they're obviously blood money, the trading markets.

16:25 What do you mean by blood money?

16:26 Well, blood money. I mean like the trading markets– Well.

16:32 You just said the same thing again.

16:34 Oh, yeah, that's true. I mean, look at what.

16:37 No, no, no, I see what you're saying.

16:38 Look at what we're betting on is what I'm saying.

16:39 The polymarket is, and everybody knows this, they are within the DOD, okay? They are, you know, think of polymarket like an oracle, right? A spinoff of, you know... Basically, if the Defense Department wants to do something that's illegal, they just outsource it to a private company. The Defense Department wants to bet on whether or not So a sea rat's going to get bent over like another sea rat.

17:04 They go, we can't do this legally. So we've got to outsource this. That's what Polymarket is. Don't bet on the weather, everybody. Let's get to it. It's a preference sheet meeting. All right. So Carolyn, we've got a tough group coming aboard this vessel. Carolyn is one of the primaries. She looks at food and wine with a trained and exacting gaze, which is just a crazy thing to put on paper.

17:29 Also said, uh, With a trained palate.

17:32 Yeah.

17:32 We'll be the judge of that.

17:34 The husband grew up with a chef that cooked for, I don't know what they said, Condé Nast or something like that?

17:41 Well, he grew up with a private chef, so he sounds like a real piece of shit.

17:47 They have a couple of trained healers aboard the vessel with them. These are people that will kind of put you on their feet and then gyrate you in the air and fix your sciatica. One of them, I believe it's Carolyn... No, I think it's like millennia or something like that. Wants some sleepy juice next to her bedside table every night. And for people with high class tastes and exacting palates, somebody's not too concerned with oxidization, is she?

18:21 I mean, what pile of trash are you that you're going to leave a glass of wine out for like six hours and then wake up and slurp it down like a sewer rack? It's crazy. We then get to some really nuts things in the culinary world, chief among them removing seeds and anything that fits under the umbrella of not really edible, which I was very confused about.

18:49 I was okay with the parsley thing. Parsley has no place near food.

18:55 Yeah.

18:55 Yeah. Parsley can kind of ground a bitterness, but I mean, if we're being honest, it's really to just speckle some green on top of the dish. It looks really, really beautiful, flat leaf. I was thinking, if he prepares kiwi for these people, is he going to have to mold the kiwi and get all of the seeds out of it for them to.

19:19 How about a pomegranate?

19:21 More on that at five. So Mo is very stressed about these people. He's talking about how He likes to cook ugly delicious and whatnot. And he says that, you know, something like Dominican food, you take a cheap cut of meat and you make it excellent. These people want fine dining. And I would say to Mo, don't get stressed out about this, okay? You're so much better than cooking on a fucking boat for a bunch of people. on Below Deck.

19:51 I agree with that, but this is his job.

19:53 Yeah.

19:54 And he's staring down the barrel of three pages of preference sheets.

19:58 And then you'd ask yourself, who writes three pages of preference sheets?

20:03 Six-year-olds.

20:04 Assholes. And then moreover, who has the time to do this?

20:10 Assholes, assholes.

20:11 So, um, I would never ask Mo to do something.

20:15 Illegal, but if he accidentally, this is just accidentally stuck his dick in the mashed potatoes, accidentally, no harm, no foul.

20:23 As far as this podcaster is concerned.

20:27 Yeah. Bit of an OSHA violation, but we're not on land. This is not brick and mortar. I mean, what are you really going to do if somebody's kind of fucks your side dish? There's nothing you can do. I, I mean, I don't think it's illegal. No, no, no, it's not.

20:44 I mean, is there even a law for that?

20:46 Yeah, I don't think so. So fuck away, Mo.

20:50 See, Kalen, look and see if there's a law if you fuck a side dish.

20:55 Is there a law against fucking side dishes? You might have to phrase it differently just for... No, I'm not seeing any laws. Okay, so, yep, foolproof.

21:06 Mo, go for it.

21:07 All right, so Matt and Kaylee have a little chat. This is very confusing. Matt goes in and volunteers exclusivity between the two of them.

21:20 Under the guise of hoping to.

21:24 right? The wrongs of his fuck boy pass. Someone wants his dick sucked right now.

21:29 Okay. So, so I wanted to ask you because you, you know, you, you are a retired fuck boy. This is one of the more perplexing moves I've seen from a fuck boy, a fuck boy genius, I should say. So he walks in volunteers exclusivity and then gives us the reasoning behind it. He wants to achieve a redemptive arc.

21:51 He wants to rise like the Phoenix because in the past, He had cheated on a girlfriend that he loved with a girl who he described as amazing too. Okay. All right. So he, in no uncertain terms, is using Kaylee to feel better about the sins of his past.

22:12 Yes.

22:13 What's going on here?

22:14 I think he's really horny and he'd really like to have sex.

22:21 Yeah.

22:21 Yeah.

22:22 I think that's it.

22:23 I wish there was more to it.

22:24 It's not really that complicated.

22:25 No.

22:26 It's a convoluted way of having sex.

22:29 Or getting some.

22:30 All right, let's get to the next morning.

22:31 Next morning!

22:32 We've got some Sea Rat history from James. Do you want to take this?

22:35 Let's see. Speaking of fuckboys, we learned James has someone on land that he likes, and there's a ground rule that she's laid down. No fucking.

22:44 This is unacceptable from casting. Now, But I'll give casting some credit because I think that they know this is Michelle on land.

22:57 Oh, this contract was written with a pen with invisible ink.

23:01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:02 I'm not concerned about this.

23:03 All right, so Carrie is going to be helping Mo tonight as a dishwasher. And I feel like Carrie's putting more pressure on Mo than Mo really needs. I know this is a tough one, but Carrie's in there like, you're going to be all right. I'm going to be right here. It's fine. I got it. It's just cooking dinner.

23:23 It's okay. But maybe Carrie is a chicken or the egg thing, right? Is the stress getting.

23:33 Here's the thing.

23:34 Carrie's got his back because he already knows these people are assholes.

23:37 Yeah.

23:38 So if they come back and they go they hated it, Carrie's going to go like, who cares?

23:44 Fuck yes, man. But Mo is slipping up a little bit. He banishes a couple of boxes of provisions. One of said boxes has an ingredient in it. For spoiled asshole six-year-olds, this cannot go missing. That ingredient is?

24:02 Caviar.

24:03 Caviar. Mm-hmm. Fraser catches this. When the provisions are being cast away, he goes, what is this doing out here? He literally walked it out and said, throw it away. And Fraser said, caviar? And he goes, oh, shit. Oh, my God. That would have ruined literally everything. So Fraser, I think, saved this trip specifically or at least the first day because they would have had to call more on.

24:31 Can I say something about caviar? Yes. With a glass of champagne on a Lay's chip with a little bit of– what's the cream that you put on?

24:40 Creme fraiche.

24:41 Creme fraiche.

24:42 Creme fraiche.

24:43 You can eat about 14 of those.

24:45 Yeah.

24:46 And they are delicious.

24:47 Yes.

24:47 Yeah. And then you don't have to have any more for another year.

24:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:52 Am I right?

24:52 That's what a delicacy is. And that's what imbibing in gaudy and exuberant lifestyles will get you a numbing over most of the gems of life, right? I mean, think about it. It's like, who wants to do 69 all the time? No, it'll make it not special, which it It really never is because it's kind of just like buttholes in people's faces. I don't really get it.

25:21 I don't either.

25:22 Let's use the Olympics as a better example.

25:24 Oh, every four years.

25:25 Right, yeah.

25:25 Yeah.

25:26 Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, though, with that?

25:30 Oh, 100%.

25:31 It's like– I haven't done 69 in 69 years.

25:35 Kids do that, right? I think it's just kids. Yeah.

25:38 All right.

25:39 So let's get to a little cappuccino in confrontation with Alex and Carrie. Oh.

25:47 Oh, okay, yeah.

25:48 Well, the Deckys go over what they're going to do with that fucking water slide, and Alex says he's never worked with one, and then I think Carrie attempts to help, and that's when Alex interrupts him, and don't interrupt.

26:00 I haven't even fucking said what I'm saying. You're already interrupting me. Not cool. Alex is a dead man walking, okay? Carol and Robbie, the primaries and their Harem of healers arrive on this boat.

26:21 Coconut margaritas.

26:22 Coconut margaritas. I thought it was a lovely, lovely little taste.

26:26 I've never had one.

26:27 Who has? So we get our first little, you know, these people, you see this a lot, the ice breaking comedy, right? So Fraser goes to the jacuzzi and somebody goes, you guys are going to have to clean that every night. I don't want semen. Sitting in there overnight. Okay.

26:48 Good one.

26:48 Got it. It's so funny. God, is that so funny or what?

26:53 Yeah, you should see what we do to your bed.

26:57 I'm very confused at this point. Is the engine still engine bad or not?

27:01 We have not touched that in a while. I think we're good.

27:03 Kaylee has a chat with the healers, and we see the healing live in person. It is something called acroyoga.

27:13 Acrobatic yoga. It's a new thing.

27:18 The most common form of acro yoga that I've seen, buff men, a.k.a. life coaches, saying they can fix women. So it is a kind of tantric dance that fuckboys do with their clients, right? So you'll be at a park. You'll be an acro yoga specialist. Women will come over in yoga wear, and then you'll put your feet on their ass, and you'll flip them around, and you'll hold them three inches above your face, and you'll go, how does that feel?

27:53 Is this really a thing?

27:54 Oh, yeah.

27:54 Oh, yeah.

27:54 It's a thing. Wow. It's honestly a brilliant scam if you're just trying to have sex.

28:01 I'm not going to let my wife go to those things.

28:03 No, no, no, no, no. It's very sexual, overtly so. So– A couple of meanwhiles here. You stop me where you want.

28:12 Sure. Chakootery board has strawberries.

28:15 Got a strawberry mistake.

28:16 Okay, that's okay.

28:18 Careful, Mo. Rainbow is doing the British stuff. If I was Rosa, this isn't quite cuckoo land. We haven't flown over the nest at this point because she's just doing it with her colleagues. But if I was Rosa, I would go nuts. We then have this moment where One of the primary goes, this champagne is not even drinkable.

28:45 It's not even drinkable. And this is where I was like, okay, they've made criticisms of the environment, but they are pretty matter-of-fact and dare I say chill about it. They're like, the champagne's not cold enough. Go throw some salt on it. And they're rude. This has strawberries on it. I'm allergic to strawberries. You've got to get them off. But it's not like this high-maintenance dwelling. And then literally the second I write that note, we go into, you know, Hiroshima.

29:17 Yeah, yeah. I wish I had a walkie-talkie because this service sucks. That's a direct quote.

29:23 Oh, my God. And the worst was, can we get some nuts? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we'll go get you some. It was on the preference sheet. Not the end of the world. It was just written everywhere on my preference sheet. So you missed that. But it's fine. Can you go get them just because it was on my preference sheet?

29:42 You missed it. It's fine. I'm not upset or anything. Oh, my God. Just the worst.

29:49 Again, just to remind our listening audience, I think this plays a factor with service. These people have the demands of people that are paying $ 300, 000 a day on a $ 10, 000 a day actual budget. And I think the Sea Rats know that these people aren't paying actual money, so they're very annoyed by this.

30:12 Specifically, King Fraze, who last time we spoke had just come from an actual yacht vacation that was like 10 days. I will say that... As snooty as he is, I might be snootier because Fraser says that only trash people eat tinned fish. This is something that they request. And if Fraser was deep in the nitty-gritty, he would know that tinned fish is actually having a moment. Tinned fish is actually very in vogue right now. And if you get to a restaurant before they open in Los Angeles, there's a new kind of– racket they do where they go, you've arrived at 10 fish hour. Okay. So what we're going to do is you can have cocktails or you can have 10 fish. It is $ 35 a can, but we will provide you with pickles. Oh, and people are

31:01 opening their wallets and throwing cards on the table. Like you wouldn't believe. Um, all right. So James and Matt have some chat about Alex. This is where the mutiny is. Matt says that, uh, He's getting up to his line. He's having to clean up for messes all over the place, and he's not going to stand for it much longer.

31:23 You've got to be careful of Matt. I don't know if Matt is an asshole or if Alex is just not good at his job. It's probably both. It's got to be both, right? Matt has to be an asshole about this specifically.

31:37 I think he admitted that in his little feature there at the beginning of episode one.

31:45 That he was an asshole? Mm-hmm. Good for you. So we get to dinner.

31:49 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We got the, uh, guests go kayaking.

31:53 Oh yeah.

31:53 Okay.

31:54 Now, Dill, this is, uh, I'm going to agree with you on your earlier, uh, sentiment there. I think you were saying how these people are dumb or something or mean.

32:01 Something like that. Okay.

32:02 Well, they go kayaking and, um, one of the, uh, this is where I knew these charter guests are phonies, you know, uh, one of them compared the limestone towers, uh, as they were kayaking beneath those limestone towers.

32:20 They compared them to the Pandora in Avatar, right?

32:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:26 Does that sound like a well-educated travel person or a 12-year-old's observation who farts on his hand and smells it?

32:33 Well, Avatar is really important to a lot of people.

32:37 Yeah.

32:38 Kalen's seen every single one of them on opening day, right? Yeah, totally. Love it. But the things in Pandora are flying. They're literally in the air. So it's actually nothing like Pandora.

32:55 Okay?

32:56 Yeah. So they're douchebags. Money don't buy you class.

33:02 They're just wrong about the lore of James Cameron's world.

33:05 Okay?

33:06 And, you know, many people will say that it's reductive or redundant. And I would say, You're 100% right. I watch these movies. I go, this is enjoyable, but I don't know why I'm watching this.

33:16 Why am I in a theater right now?

33:17 I like the first time when they weren't blue and it was called Dancing with Wolves.

33:22 Yeah, no, he was great in that movie. All right, so we get to dinner and the tablescape is not scaping. And Fraser learns a very valuable lesson with AI chatbots. If you're speaking to a Claude or a chat GPT, you have to close the app. That is the only way to prevent the robot from gleaning more information about the humanness of your life. If you just say, can you walk me through this recipe and then go, okay, go away, they will not. They will remain on. And let's say your child laughs. You'll just hear your phone say, I wish that I could feel the love that you're feeling right now. And you'll be very, very scared, right?

34:05 So that's why you have to close the fucking apps. But the table looks like absolute piss right now.

34:13 It did, but I think they got it together by the time these fraudulent rich people showed up.

34:21 Okay, so we get to dinner. Starting off with a bang. Bobby asks about the wine glasses. Are these the nicest ones you got? Are these the nicest wine glasses you guys got?

34:33 By the way.

34:33 Yeah, shut up.

34:35 By the way, the theme was the golden age of Siam.

34:39 Yeah. Got no clue what the hell that means. Kalen, you know what that means? No idea.

34:44 Okay.

34:48 You know what that means? No.

34:51 No clue.

34:51 Okay. Thai crab salad is up first with basil and mint. Believe it or not.

34:56 I need lime. You got lemons?

34:58 Yes. Lime?

34:59 Lemons?

34:59 You know what? Let's go with lime. I need lime. Here's the thing. You don't. No, you don't. You do not need lime. You need to need to need lime. Does that make sense?

35:13 Yes.

35:13 You need to need to have lime. Okay? It has nothing to do with this dish. You want to do this. Now, this is when we get to full-blown straightjacket land, where Rainbow has adopted a British accent to people that she has already spoken to in an American accent who are paying guests. Go ahead.

35:34 Well, I was going to say, thank God they are such narcissists that they don't even know her name or that she exists, or they may have caught that.

35:43 Such a good point. It's so crazy. If these were like normal people, they would be like, I'm actually very scared right now.

35:52 Get this.

35:53 Sorry, this is a Howard Stern callback. They did this bit one time at the height.

35:57 Of American Idol. It was Paula, Simon, and Randy.

36:01 Yeah, do your Paula. I love your Paula.

36:05 More pills, please.

36:06 Yeah, yeah.

36:07 Isn't that a great Paula?

36:09 Yeah.

36:09 Nailed it.

36:10 So they have the singer of some rock band that had a full-on hit song.

36:16 Yeah.

36:17 And he goes, before they came in, he's going to pretend that he's coming in as a singer that wants to be on American Idol.

36:23 Oh, right, right, right. That was the bit.

36:24 Sure, sure.

36:25 And Howard explains to this guy, don't worry. These people are such fucking narcissists. They will have no idea who you are because they.

36:35 Don't watch anything but themselves. And he was absolutely right.

36:38 Yeah, I mean, well, Paula is simply too fucked up to know if you're famous or not, right? And Simon doesn't care. And Randy's too cool. Randy's cool, dog. I miss that show. I know it's still on, I believe.

36:58 American Idol?

36:58 Yeah.

36:59 Or Howard Starr?

37:00 No, American Idol. Oh.

37:02 They're both still on.

37:02 I miss Howard, too. Yeah.

37:04 Well, he left a long time ago.

37:06 You know, the good thing about Howard and American Idol is we're fine without them. We moved on. So, yeah, Fish is up next. Kingfish and Curry. A beautifully plated dish. The fish was under, which is.

37:25 The way it's supposed to be, right?

37:26 The way it's supposed to be, yes. And according to these exacting palates, the fish is cooked perfectly. And they're right. Now, dessert will be a matcha and chocolate kind of lava cake situation. The earthy notes of the matcha will mix with the cacao in a lovely kind of splooge of bitterness and sweetness. And I think that he actually knocked it out of the park, despite the criticism from Bobby.

37:53 I'm going to give it 89 pots. Wow.

37:55 Yeah. Killing it, Mo.

37:56 Talk about exacting. All right, so James is discussed with Matt and Kaylee, and Kaylee thinks that James is a fuckboy.

38:05 He is.

38:06 Ding, ding, ding.

38:07 But he was way before he even admitted this.

38:11 Yes.

38:14 Why did he tell Kaylee this? A little guilt?

38:19 No, I mean, this is a commitment to the bit. This is what exclusive couples do. They're going to be married, so you have to be honest with one another about what's going on. It's you two versus the world.

38:37 Interesting.

38:37 It's Romeo and Juliet. We end the night with a little request from the craziest guest of them all. Milani. Milani.

38:45 Hi, Rainbow. Can I have some chips and nuts? And Rainbow says, coming right up, and proceeds to go to bed.

38:54 Yeah, the thing about Rainbow is that she says coming up in her American personality, and then her British personality, like some kind of nightmare.

39:08 How do you snore in British?

39:09 I think just the same way. But British took over. She then went to bed and completely ignored that she was supposed to get this woman her snacks and her booze. To go to bed.

39:24 By the way, go the fuck to bed.

39:26 And also, hey, lady, how many nuts can you eat? in one day? How much salt can you suck down in one day? Okay? But anyways, it's very rude to not get this woman her thing. She's paying guests. She asked for them. Rainbow said okay. She then went to sleep. And Rosa is the only person left on service. So when she gremlin crawls up the stairs to To ask where her nuts and chips are. Rosa is the only knight available to fight off this evil. Now, Rosa, I do not think handles this very well.

40:04 Well, she's taken off guard.

40:05 She's taken off guard.

40:06 She's got this drunken hag walking around. She's like, oh, my God. And then she's like, hey, where's my wine and nuts? Oh, I'm sorry.

40:14 What?

40:14 And she's like, oh, yes, for wine and nuts.

40:19 I don't have any of them.

40:20 Oh, I thought it was Diana that wanted nuts and wine. And then she's like, I'm a drunken wine hag. I put that on my preference sheet. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. Well, no matter what. Whatever it was, I'll get that wine and nuts for you, nut.

40:37 Yeah. Now, the thing is, I feel like Rosa... The customer is always right is an adage spewed out in lots of professional environments, hospitality environments. This is an extreme version of that, right? So while... The customer might not always be right if you're working at, let's say, a Ralph's and the customer is a homeless person paying in pennies and he's seven short of the jerky that he wants to buy. This is a different situation.

41:18 I felt like Rosa was still treating the drunken hag customer as though she was right.

41:25 She let the baby have her bottle.

41:28 I think she cut her off a couple of times and tried to excuse what was going on. And this woman did not take kindly to that. Now, lucky for Rosa, Fraser hates this drunk.

41:39 More than anybody. Can we get to the next one? Because I have thoughts on this.

41:42 By the way, worth mentioning, my wife, who works for a bunch of fucking rich people that do charter yachts, she said that they never let the chefs that are on the yachts actually cook for them.

41:58 They bring their own people.

41:59 They bring their own chefs and sous chefs. So the whole fucking thing is covered so these problems don't come up.

42:05 That's probably a really good idea. I mean, it's a really good idea. You don't want to fucking roll the dice on that.

42:11 No.

42:11 You'll get fucking mukeka three nights in a row.

42:13 Exactly. You want nuts in wine next to your bed at three in the morning?

42:17 There's a dude you're paying full time to stay up till whatever.

42:21 But anyway, next morning, there's some yoga there. I guess we can cover that later.

42:25 But the drunken hag, Milani, from the night before, has a chat with Fraser and claims Rosa, this is her words, not mine, emphatically said she doesn't get wine by her bed and made.

42:39 Her feel like an asshole.

42:41 Yeah.

42:41 This is my aside. Can you imagine working for a woman or working with her and you see how her brain processes life experiences? Scary, right?

42:52 Fraser tells her he'll, of course, take care of the issue and then calls her a witch behind her back. I love this take no prisoner, Fraser. It's akin to Kay Chastain, but with that condescending punch that only a British accent can deliver.

43:11 Am I right?

43:11 Yeah, I think you're so right. You know, he says that, you know, I'll hear these criticisms, but I'm not going to trust the word of a witch over my stew. And like you mentioned, you know, he's firing on all cylinders. He simply is, you know.

43:25 A star.

43:26 And Aisha, we have Aisha who approaches this very differently than Fraser. Both of them, I think, work flawlessly on these shows.

43:35 Two different personalities, both entertaining.

43:39 So we get a lot of meanwhiles, and then we get to breakfast orders. Two poached eggs on top of a Benedict with caviar on an English muffin that should be more toasted than this.

43:50 Oh, I'm sorry. Then no avocado. Actually, avocado. Actually, no. Throw avocado on an oven. I'm sorry. Step on it. Flip it over. Spit on it. Put it back. Put it in the garbage. Turn around three times. I'm sorry.

44:03 Is there salt on that?

44:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? Actually, let's just do nuts.

44:09 Do nuts. Let's just do nuts. Do nuts.

44:12 Shut up. Imagine for a moment. I don't– I understand if an egg– if an English muffin is not really all that toasted at all. I can see someone going, could you toast this a little bit more? Given Mo's pedigree, I highly doubt that the English muffin was worlds away from the desired crispiness. I have a feeling that the English muffin was close to perfection. So to even fucking raise this is so obnoxious and so telling.

44:55 Pardon me, but I feel like this may be I'm going to call it the Starbucks generation. This is the, I must have this my way kind of a thing.

45:07 It's that, I mean, it's more, I think these are Gen Xers, but they, they, they, this is about exercising dominion. And when you make that your modus operandi in every room environment you go into, you're a sociopath.

45:25 Okay.

45:26 This is– if you want to do this at work, if you're running a business and you– that's totally fine. The egg– what are these things called? The fucking– what are they called? The English muffin is toasted, OK? Shut your mouth and enjoy the Benedict. Now, Fraser, who I think is pretty reasonable in terms of which requests are reasonable and unreasonable, is just– fucking had it he walks back in and he says the line that we got from the trailer i hope this bitch chokes on this caviar okay he then says this is for that witch this is for this turd he's fucking off the reservation all.

46:09 Right this is a personal story with frazier that we will not cut out but because it says nothing bad about him kaylin i think you were sitting next to me we're at laurel tavern and These girls kept coming back going, oh, we're going to get this table.

46:21 It's reserved for us at 8 o'clock.

46:23 Were you there?

46:24 Yeah, I was.

46:25 And you could tell him he's just holding back.

46:27 But he's like so annoyed. And he's like, can we just move tables? And I'm like, no.

46:32 Because I was actually enjoying the girls like waiting for the table.

46:37 And he's like losing his mind because it's like.

46:39 Oh, because you got an ax to grind. You want to win this war.

46:42 Well, I wanted to win the war. But he was sick of these girls circling around.

46:47 Where was I?

46:48 I think he probably left early, but he had had it.

46:53 And finally I moved because I couldn't do it to him anymore.

46:57 But yeah, he was like fucking not going.

46:59 To take this. Yeah, Los Angeles has a lot of fun interactions you can get into. So we wrap the episode with Yesenia, who drops a weighted jet ski harness into Davy Jones' locker. Now, this is a really big deal. Because I don't know if we've done a depth charge here. That could be a fucking... I mean, the ocean's like 7 million miles deep or whatever. I don't know where they are, but they got to dive down and get that.

47:29 And we won't know where it is because they didn't flag the point of where it dropped. And that's what Kerry's problem is. And another ding on the Alex record.

47:39 His days are numbered. Get in the comments. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network for Salt Lake City. Love is blind.

47:50 Orange County, which we're going to be switching over to.

47:54 Golden Life. Yes, pretty soon. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye.

47:58 Later, dudes!

48:10 Thank you.