Patreon Preview | Barlow Rising | RHSLC S7 E7

0:00 To validate all of their feelings and their opinions. And that's why Lisa Barlow says, I love this woman. Okay. This woman does not know what she hath wrought on the world. Because Oppenheimer, when he saw the test succeed, he was like, what have we done? But this woman doesn't really understand that she has brought forth Armageddon, at least to Salt Lake City.

0:27 And I dig a city called Salt Lake. It's got the grooviest kids, that's why we never get tired of Salt Lake. And the way the kids.

0:40 Talk so cool isn't out of sight thing. And the number one.

0:52 Hi, hello, and welcome to the Patreon-exclusive recap of.

1:01 Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

1:03 Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. You know, it's a really good point you made last week.

1:09 What was that?

1:12 Why did the Beach Boys sing about it? Why did they sing about it?

1:15 You know, it's funny.

1:15 I thought about it after that. They must have had a... They refer to a DJ... in that song, if you listen to the lyrics.

1:23 Never listened to them.

1:24 And I believe they were probably getting a lot of spins there.

1:27 And that was a little, I'm not joking.

1:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:34 I'm not joking.

1:34 Yeah, no, I know.

1:35 They were probably.

1:36 Selling a lot of records in Salt Lake City, a lot of people that desired to live near the water.

1:42 Gentlemen, you got to make a song for your hit market.

1:45 That's right.

1:46 All right, so we're here to talk about Salt Lake City. This was an episode of the television program. We had the Jupiter Rising party trip was on display. We have more Mary Cosby stuff. Mary Cosby just being one of the most unhinged, dumb, evil people on the entire slate of Bravo programming. And poor Britney, I fear, is going to be handed her walking papers at the end of this season.

2:16 Ha, ha, ha.

2:18 I thought it was a good episode.

2:19 There's a sliding scale. If this was OC, I would give it 100 tits. Because it's Salt Lake, I'm going to give it 71 snowballs.

2:27 Well, I loved it. This was everything.

2:31 I mean, just the ending of this, Mary Cosby completely misconstruing.

2:39 Yeah, just being so dumb that she can't hear English.

2:42 Dumb or wanting to hear? Making it up like.

2:47 in her mind manifesting that Brittany said that about Robert Jr. Still, by the way, exploiting his death to her benefit.

2:55 Mary Cosby should be, and I know that we fucked up the wards and stuff like that. Reagan closed them all. Mary Cosby should be in a fucking room away from Gen Pop, okay? She is a cancerous, crazy mover on the world and she should be taken out of gen pop. I give it 71 tits.

3:22 Uh, I love the episode. Um, we'll get into it. I'm going to give it 80, uh, wives.

3:28 All right. How do we kick things off?

3:29 Oh, well, uh, Heather will introduce trip to the ladies at her Jupiter party. She's excited for trip to meet the group. Um, she believes the relationship will, um, in her words, uh.

3:41 Uh, stick, uh, I love how she says we've been dating for six months. No, you've been intermingled for a very, very long time.

3:52 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

3:53 And he's sober now, but he's still slicking his hair back. That's not good.

3:56 No, and she says there's been a background check done on him, so she's pretty sure she's okay. And I would like to remind her, unless Lisa decides to announce his balls are wrinkly and jacks off to dudes at spas, there's no background check that will save him.

4:12 Because Lisa's word is more powerful than anything.

4:14 Lisa's word is incredibly powerful. She did, in fact, accuse... All Lisa does is comment on what she sees as plain truth. Todd is a fat, slobby worm fuck with gross gout balls. And what's her name? What's his name? Angie's husband.

4:38 Oh, Sean.

4:39 Sean.

4:39 He jacks punks off for, I don't know, for five bucks.

4:43 Yeah, he jacks punks off. Okay. And this is just Lisa calling balls and strikes.

4:50 Okay.

4:51 So Heather's Jupiter party. Heather has had two Jupiter years.

4:56 Ah.

4:59 One saw her growing, thriving, writing, and selling. The other saw her in debt, impoverished, and downtrodden. I was confused about the concept of the Jupiter. I thought they were good.

5:16 Well, I took a different take. So her astrology has helped her, she points out. This year is Jupiter rising, which means expansion. So as you pointed out, the last time she was fucking poor.

5:30 She was getting divorced.

5:30 Was Jupiter rising last time, though?

5:33 No, I don't think so.

5:34 OK.

5:34 But now it's fucking awesome. And she has a fake boyfriend. She's surrounded by women that despise her.

5:41 Yep.

5:42 And she has Jupiter to thank for that.

5:43 Yep. Thank you, Jupiter. A powerful cosmic entity. Now, Bronwyn and Brandon are on their way. And I love Brandon. He was just like, I thought the song was fantastic.

5:55 Okay.

5:55 Now, this is, please, this is my subjugation of the case. Okay.

6:04 Okay.

6:04 So we've been trying to understand, is he a fake boyfriend that she hired? I don't think she hired him. I think she just said, he said, I want to be on camera. And she said, well, come be.

6:15 My fake boyfriend. I'm not going to pay you, but I'll fly you here.

6:19 Okay.

6:19 So he loves the song and he says that.

6:23 After that night where she weeped multiple times, seemed traumatized by the events.

6:29 Of that night.

6:30 Calm down.

6:31 As a boyfriend of six weeks or several weeks, wouldn't you have gone back to the hotel room and spoken all night to your boyfriend about what took place, why you were hurt by that, and that song, why are you discussing this in the car and you're surprised that he mentions that he likes it? It's almost as though you had no conversation about it.

6:55 Very interesting.

6:56 Grind on that.

6:58 Very, very interesting, Patty. Thank you. Seth is going to show up for a little bit. Despite the women trying to defame my family.

7:11 Do not talk to me or my husband unless you have an apology.

7:15 Yeah, pills are good. Mary Cosby is heading over with Angie, two of the best friends in the world. Fast forward to the end of the episode. Angie is disgusting.

7:28 Stinks.

7:29 She's just a disgusting woman.

7:31 No, no, no.

7:32 You are.

7:33 Also, Mary, you're not disgusted by her being two-sided. You're disgusted that she ate a gummy bear out of Britney's hair.

7:46 Let's be honest about all this.

7:48 And can I say, have you ever thought that Mary Cosby might smell bad?

7:54 She thinks.

7:54 She feels to me like she smells bad. Like there would be some kind of perfume, but underneath you could smell something necrotic and dead. She, I hate her so much. I hate her so fucking much.

8:11 It's so enjoyable to see her feel like she is free.

8:17 I don't know what the show would be without her though.

8:19 She has an air of like, she just escaped something.

8:24 And she's acting like that.

8:26 And what she did in this episode, using Robert and his death as a storyline.

8:34 This is.

8:34 Going to be kind of a convoluted analogy, but you know how Sid from Toy Story?

8:40 Mm-mm.

8:40 He tortures all the toys in his backyard. He's going through something, right? But there are the kids that are like, oh, God, that kid's tough. So... Imagine that kid scoring a goal in like an AYSO game and then using it to rain dominion down on other, on the other children. Like I, you guys are going to do that. And they agree because it's a big moment for the, for the child.

9:06 Like I said, it's a convoluted analogy, but it's, it's very bizarre and childlike the way that Mary is positioning herself as some Henry the eighth character.

9:19 Well, she's positioning herself as untouchable.

9:23 Really bizarre.

9:24 Very.

9:25 But it's true to herself, as we've seen.

9:29 Wetney loves Tripp. Wetney's a big fan of Tripp.

9:32 Well, and the reason why is because he makes Heather happy, and he's also sober, and she loves hearing that someone's having sex, because she certainly isn't.

9:46 Yeah, it's interesting.

9:47 When Wetney likes something or is drawn to something, look out. Because she was also drawn to a uh timu supply chain business wild rose jewelry and being kind of like the cool mom smoking a cigarette and being a little buzzed in the carpool lane down.

10:09 In utah the guys and i dig a city called salt lake it's got the groovy to Salt Lake. And the way the kids talk so.

10:24 Cool isn't out of sight thing. And the number one radio station makes the town really swing.

10:36 Salt Lake City. We'll be a little food.