Sex with an Ex and Back-Handed Compliments (S1 Ep20 "Fear No More")

Welcome to Desperately Devoted.

Think of us as your favorite neighbors as we chat about life and relationships.

All while we revisit the iconic show Desperate Housewives together.

I'm Terry Hatcher, I'm Andrea Bowen.

And I'm Emerson.

Tenny. This is a big episode, you guys, This is really big.

We are here, it's Desperately Devoted, and we are doing episode twenty, Fear.

No More twenty. Where is the time gone?

I know we're almost to the end, Emerson. I mean, it's your first year watching Desperate Housewives.

And what a year it's been.

What do you think though, we're almost to the end. What are you thinking?

Well, thank god I have seven more season because I don't know how I would take it if it was gonna end in just three episodes. Yeah, this title Fear No More. This episode aired on May first, two thousand and five. Uh huh, And the title is another Stephen Sondheim musical song from the Frogs, and the lyrics are actually from the William Shakespeare's play Uh Symbol.

And our mutual Joint Friend who we've talked about on the pod before. Kevin McHale just did the Frogs in London and I didn't, unfortunately get to.

Go see it, but I bet it was fantastic.

Oh wow, that's amazing.

Well, I was gonna say before we derailed into all the songhimness of it, which is so obscure, don't you think sometimes like Monheim is everywhere. No, I love Sondheim and Sondheim is everywhere. But I don't know, does everybody know the Frogs?

Well, this is what this is?

The thing is like I feel like I'm I am such a self proclaimed Sondheim head.

Okay, but what's Frogs about? And what it's like?

Why would it be titled Fear No More? Is somebody like?

It's a song? It's a song title from Frogs And that's all I know. Oh okay, Yeah.

A lot does happen in this episode, starting with Susan's house gets blown up.

Oh my god, we started with that.

Well it's actually, I mean it's blown up. That's a big thing. Like, it's I mean, it's insane.

We don't we don't really know who blows it up. We don't know if it's an accident, could be an accident, could be sabotage.

Highly coincidental given that Susan has gotten some more information about Paul Young, yes, snooping around.

And maybe the fact that there's that shot of Zach holding a zippo with his little flickering flame that could maybe tip us off that we might know who did this.

We might give that well, we might know who did it. But and Gabby also is revealed to be pregnant. But wait, so the very first thing that happens in this episode is the very big surprise, or at least it was a very big surprise to me, and it made me so happy that I had to freeze the television. So what happens is Susan is in bed and we're hearing some voiceover talking about her parenting, how.

She always wanted to be a mom.

Yeah, and the camera pans across her down to her nightstand and there's a picture of Susan holding a baby that's supposed to be Julie, but instead it's actually Emerson.

That is a real baby photo that we have in the house.

And I recognized it immediately watching that too. That is a photo of you and I and it is really just it's a beautiful black in wit photo from when I was a baby, baby, baby.

And I love it so much.

She has a little black hat on and she hated hats, so like getting the photo with the hat before she ripped it off was like a memorable experience. She's also so fat, she's so chubby, fat, like I was a fat, fat fat And you know why she was fat because my boobs were an all night diner.

That is the truth.

You could take my boobs, you could squeeze them, and the milk would like shoot across the room. Wow, And I did that. I have ever learned well because if you can't and shoot breast milk across the room, you'll see you'll do it because well, I've got these.

Whole shoes to fill, evidently.

With breast milk, all the glasses. Yeah. Anyways, it was very exciting for me because of course I have no memory, and I totally forgot. But this is a common thing. When you do a movie or a television show, they will often ask you for photos of your life, like when you were a baby, when you were a child, and then they'll sometimes photoshop them. Sometimes they won't photoshop them, but they need that for background context.

My favorite is when they ask you for relationship photos and then they photoshop whoever's playing your partner in right, Like, You're like, here's me and my husband at the Eiffel Tower, and they're like, Nope, not anymore.

Here's you and your co star at the Eiffel.

Tower, right.

But that is often how they get those sort of quote unquote family shots, So that made me very excited.

Another Emerson cameo for the books.

You know what, there were a lot Well, okay, so obviously, so much happens in this episode. We have Gabrielle plans this big farewell party for Carlos before he goes off to jail prison, and she also starts to realize that she is in fact pregnant. We have George Williams, the pharmacist, returns with much to Rex's displeasure, and breathes potential pleasure.

Lynette discovers that Tom's old girlfriend, who she actually broke up that relationship when she got together with Tom, is back at his firm.

And then we have.

Susan and Julie working together to kind of navigate Julie's breakup with Zach and the suspicions around Paul and the Young family, and this leads us back to the moment that you pointed out at the beginning the reflections of Susan as a mother, and Susan says she made a lot of mistakes as a parent, and all of this flashback montage, which is just hilarious, and I have to say, is so not the kind of parent that you were of dually, like flying.

Off of the little park play circle.

When Susan swinging her and her leaving the baby carrier in the house, and it's just it is so Susan asked, and it is not at all terry ask but it did make me wonder, as my mom, do you feel like you ever made parenting mistakes that this, albeit however far fetched montage like brought up for you watching.

I mean, I think.

Of myself as a as a pretty good mom, like and that doesn't agree. Yeah, oh thank you and that and that doesn't mean that I didn't make mistakes. I mean, you know, the advice that I always offer parents is to think about it as a marathon and not a sprint, because there's a lot of giveness, there's a lot of flexibility.

You can't possibly sustain this sort of level of like everything has to be perfect all the time. And I have to always be perfect, because you won't be, and you will constantly be falling short of that. Mostly, I think in the area of where you're just exhausted, I just think parents primarily mothers. But maybe that's not true.

Maybe I'm just looking at it through a mother's lens because I wasn't a dad. But you know, it's twenty four to seven when you think about not having even seconds of privacy, and then you're maybe also working, and you're also cleaning the house, and you're also trying to maintain a relationship with your partner, and like it's a lot.

And so when you live in that level of stress, like no Wonder's mom, No wonder moms lose their shit once in a while. But I do remember a story that was a great story. I don't know if it was bad parenting. Maybe it was bad parenting because I put you in a bad position.

But for your thirteenth birthday, Oh my god, I know what story you were going to tell.

I will say, at.

The time, is it bad parenting?

Well, at the time, you.

Were very concerned that you potentially were gonna get me and my three best friends killed.

Oh whoa, you thought this was going so much more extreme than I thought.

Killed by a wild animal.

So what this was was for her thirteenth birthday, we went to Vegas and I was she had never.

Tell you we went to Vegas because The Hangover had just come out, and it was well, I think it's our, but it's our. But my friends and I we saw it. We were like, we're cool, just teenagers. We're going to see this rated movie. And I wanted to have a hangover themed birthday party as hangover themed as you can at thirteen, which is like going to Excalibur at in Las Vegas and you know, drinking a lot of milkshakes.

And didn't you guys play like the arcade games that like circus Circus or was that ex caliber Maybe there is no circus circus.

Maybe that's when I was growing up.

There was a circus circus. I'd been there.

Okay, yeah, anyway, so we watched the movie. We stayed in a hotel room in Las Vegas. We went to like fancy crazy dinners, and the whole thing culminated with and by the way, every all the other girls moms were also there.

It was also a mom's trip. It was called the Mom.

Mom Daughter Trip. Thing.

So on the last day, as a surprise, I had gotten a similar Mercedes convertible that's like in the movie, and I was going to take the girls out to Perumph, which is about an hour and a half.

I know, that's a.

Real sat.

Good things, yeah.

Good things do not happen.

Let me tell you.

After this experience, we were driving back and we said for years after that what happens in Barump stays in Baram very true.

What did in fact?

What happen is so I had made this excursion for the girls to get to go out to meet the tiger from the movie.

And it was, you know.

Like a it was like a conservatory with you know, baby tigers that they got to feed with little bottles of milk, and then like the adult tigers were you know kept.

And these are the tigers Tiger King.

This is yeah, I would imagine before Tiger King, that's right. But these were tigers that were trained to like be in movies or whatever. And I think this particular tiger was in the hangover, That's.

What I was told. That told so this is a famous tiger.

This is a famous tiger.

When we first got there, we got to meet all the baby tigers, which obviously weren't in the movie, and it was so cute and we you know, you can pet them because they're little, and they have little dogs run around with them and socialize with them to help socialize the tigers so then they can.

Be trained with.

That was a thing that they had little dogs running around with the baby tigers, and it was somehow we were told like this was part of the training and part of the I don't know, what do you call it, like social socializing. So anyways, I thought it was a little odd, but so we get then we see it, go walk through the whole thing and see the different animals, and then at the end, the guy's like, well, let's get a shot of like all the girls in the car, like standing out convertible, and we'll get the tiger like close to the car and.

We'll have it jump up on the hood of the car for the photo.

And I don't know, see, this is the bad parenting part. This is the part where uh, there was I guess too much trust on my part that this situation was okay because somebody in authority was telling me that it was.

I mean, how could you have known?

I think I could have known, because you're sitting here still.

So I get in the.

Car, Me and my friends we get in the car. We go post for the photo. The guy tells the tiger.

He's wrangling the tiger, and the little dog that I guess has grown up with this big tiger is kind of running around and the guy's like trying to wrangle the tiger into like the right position, and all of the sudden, the tiger gets the dog in his mouth.

Lunges after the dog, and I am sorry, like trigger warning, stop listening now if this is going to offend you, like.

Rips this dog.

No, no, that's well it is, goes in on the dog.

So much so that the guy sticks his hand in the tiger's mouth and is trying to like get the tiger's mouth open and the dog out.

All all trying to tell us that the dog is fine. And my best friend Sammy is hysterically sobbing next to me.

Like the dog is dead. The dog is dead.

And the guy is like has his hands on the tiger's mouth and he's like, no, no, it's fine.

The dog's totally lived.

So then they usher us back to the little like cabin, you know, little trailer sort of thing, and we're there and her friend Sammy is crying and and people keep coming by and being like, the dog's fine, the dog's fine.

The dog was not fine.

The dog's fine, the dog's fine.

And then the guy comes in and his hand is all bandaged and it seems like he's missing one finger.

He's missing a finger.

And then he proceeds to tell us that the dog is fine and his finger is fine, and which we know. So anyways, so we get in the car and we leave, so the whole way home in the convertible, like I'm trying to to stop, you know, Sammy, I'm trying to hold it together because this is what good parents do.

Good parents do.

Not express their own level of stress and puke it out on their children. They like maintain their inner stress and so that they don't have more stress go on the children. So I'm like holding it all together and I'm trying to like be a calming, you know, reflection of what just happened. Anyway, we get home, we pull up to the hotel.

My mom had sent all the other moms to the SPA that day because she just drove us without the moms.

Yes, yes, so they'd been in the small day. So they meet us like curbside or whatever. They get out, like I don't even remember. A couple of the moms take the kids, and the kids kind of like go off and like are fine. And then I literally just am like saw like you like shaking, sobbing, like you like have you have no idea what I was like containing But we now, fifteen years later more, we we always consider this, like, you know, that was the day that Terry almost killed all the children.

Yeah, and pretty much every Christmas we do still all buy each other some tiger themed present just as a joke to put in each other's like Christmas presents.

Me and my best friends. I'm still best friends.

With all of them, and they're still alive and they're all still lost.

Thank god.

Wow.

I have to say that was a really wild ride you just took me on.

Okay, I was not prepared.

To do with parenting. I mean, is your reflection on it that I was a bad parent?

Oh my gosh, No, My reflection on it is not that your bad parent.

My reflection on it is that we shouldn't domesticate animals. That is the takeaway from me, and we probably shouldn't let dogs, you know, befriend and socialize young tigers.

Is all about. But I think, I think.

That the sentiment of we're going to make mistakes as parents is totally true and very relatable. And I think you can't really prepare for what mistakes you're going to make, just that you're going to make them. And you know, I think that we continue to explore the different themes of motherhood motherhood that pop up on the show. And obviously in this episode we have a new potential woman coming and joining the club with Gabby storyline where we've said, okay, she finds out she's.

Pregnant, there was a rolling up in that, really, Car.

I know, she pukes in an aston martin very very and I mean true Gabby styles.

She still wants to buy one, just not that one. Yeah, yeah, I would like a fresh one. Yeah, a non throat up.

But I did think it was a very, I don't know, a self effacing moment for her when she says, uh, you know, i'd be in she says quote, I'd be an awful mother. I'm selfish and I'm self centered and the only person who is more self centered than me is Carlos. I mean, he's so self centered. He doesn't even realize how self centered I am.

It's great dialogue.

Yeah, it's great dialogue and also maybe a hard thing to admit, although it didn't seem particularly tough for her. It's more like the idea of coming around to being a mother. But you do get that nice moment of Susan telling Gabrielle like, it's so worth it.

You know it's hard, but it's worth it. Kind of a thing.

I think.

Susan has the line where she says, you can never imagine having kids, and then once you have kids, you can never imagine not having them, you know, which I find incredibly true as I look across this room at my funeral daughter. I mean, it's definitely But like I always knew I wanted to be a mom, so that was not a question for me. It's been the favorite part of my life. It's been the thing that I've given the most dedication to. Well, because me is sorry, you know for any sacrifice I ever made that that benefited you.

Yeah, except for that tiger thing.

No, she's not sorry for that.

Yeah, Hey, we're grateful for it too. I loved it.

No, but I did want to say, because we're talking about motherhood and we're talking about moms and all these things that I know, we've talked about love languages and a little bit, and I don't really know how much it relates to our love languages forming around the type of love we received as children, but I would venture to say it's probably very impactful with what we then want as adults, right, And I think I've mentioned that words of affirmation is a thing for me. So something very sweet that my mom does is she she has always written me notes throughout my life. Like it started when I was really little and she packed my lunch and she'd write me a note on the napkin that she'd slip in my.

Lunchbox and things like that. But she still does it.

And recently she was here staying with me, and when she left, I found that she had hidden a bunch of notes around the house. I'm gonna cry, Like, I open up my closet and there's one And anyway, I just wanted to share this one that says, your mommy loves her little mommy.

Oh, is that hiding in your makeup case?

Yes, I tuck it in here, So it's with me. But I also just think it is like the series thing.

I I love your mom.

Did she ever make any parenting mistakes? Because she seems very perfect, of course, but she had six opportunities to do it, so there must have been some.

You know.

I would love to actually ask her what are the standout mistakes because she would cop to making mistakes, And she lost her mom when she was twenty six or twenty seven, so you know, she didn't maybe I mean the majority of our lives as children, like none of us got to meet her mom, and she didn't get to share that part of her life with her, and so she was really figuring a lot out on the fly and without a lot of guidance, And so I'm sure she did, but I'd have to I'd have to really, I mean, gosh, I'd have to really like go deep into my brain to pull them out because it is weird amazing.

Yeah, how she is, like I'm I mean, yeah, she totally is. You know, like, just thinking about all of my friends who I know all would would own that they have fault in you know, their own character traits, including myself, But I can't really think of what parenting mistakes they might have made. But when I look at Susan, and I've said this before, I think Susan makes a very big mistake over and over in how much she relies on Julie to sort of lift her up and be part of her support system in a way that I think is not appropriate for a parent to put on their child. Although I do see Julie, you know, stepping up to the plate and not being the worst for wear because of it, but I still don't think it's fair well.

And Susan really in this episode gets the win in the shape of a parenting win, because she gets rocks thrown in her face because Zach is trying to get Julie's attention and he's throwing pebbles at the window, and then you you know, Susan gets hit in the face, and ultimately the scene ends with Julie saying thank you, mom, because I've been trying to find a way to break up with him and he's not getting it, and so she's basically saying, like, good job, mom, you know, and Susan gets.

I can tell you that I would take rocks in the face for either of you.

So I would be horrified if anyone I was dating, ever threw rocks in your face, and that would be the end of that very quickly, I think. Another speaking of dating and relationships and ended relationships, another big storyline in this episode that I saw coming up a lot is the idea of being friends with your exes or friends with people who you have or in relation to people that you have been with romantically. We see this, I mean, I know George is on the path of becoming a crazy stalker pharmacist, but we see this between George and Rex when Brie and Rex run into George and Brie wants to go to the Bonzei event with George without Rex. And then we also see this in a really big way in Lynette and Tom's storyline when

it becomes revealed that Tom's ex partner, who he was with when he met Lynette, is now working at his firm and he's actually kept this secret from Lynette for the last three months.

And then Lynette in a way that I.

Actually struggle with the level of her suspicion and some of the behavior she takes goes to great lengths, even consulting Edie to try to intimidate make this other woman back off, and it all just kind of brought up questions for me that I'm curious your thoughts on of what do you think about this, Like do you think it's possible to be friends with your ex'es? Do you feel like Lynette's suspicions are founded or unfounded?

Yeah, what are your thoughts?

I have never been friends with an ex and I actually always felt like it was not a good character trait that that I couldn't find a.

Way to move beyond.

Whatever drama was around somebody that I dated. But in the instances of where I mean, except your father, Like your father and I are friends, but we weren't friends, like right at the beginning, like it.

Right at the beginning, fifteen years now.

But I mean, I think we've earned the place of where we're we're friends, and I mean I would do anything for them, you know, that they needed, So then that's a nice place to be.

But that's probably I feel like there's one other guy that I dated.

Years ago, but and I dated him maybe for like four or five months that I really care.

About, and I know what you're talking about, and uh, but.

You know, we weren't friends for a long time either, Like I do think sometimes there's some pain involved in the breakup that needs the amount of time to heal and then you can be friends.

I think oftentimes the reason why an friendship with an ex doesn't necessarily continue or doesn't feel possible is usually in a lot of cases, it feels like your new partner might have an issue with that or not feel like they're comfortable with that. I've had high hopes in the past of being friends with people that I've had romantic relationships with, because of course, there's so many things that draw you to that person in the first place, respect and shared interests and all the things. I haven't successfully maintained a friendship with someone I've been with, and as I've gotten older, I don't know that it is necessarily a goal of mine to do that, or I feel like it's a failing of mind that I haven't

been able to do that because I think that there's so many other things that play into it. My theory, I have a little bit of a theory, which is that if you started off as friends before you were romantic, maybe you have a shot at being friends again. But I think if you have to make that shift from we were romantic and now we're going to have to try on this new identity of being friends. Only maybe it won't, maybe it's not possible, or maybe it's not healthy.

I don't know.

My ex who I'm really good friends with, and I hope that he hears this. He won't, I'm sure he won't, but I'll tell him. We started off romantic and we're not friends. Before I think that moment we met, there was a romantic spark that we pursued in that way dated for over two years, and then broke up and then didn't really talk for about a year, and then ran into each other. I mean we would, We would occasionally and very respectfully over that year after our breakup, text each other, you know, Oh, I saw you had this great accomplishment, like congratulations, And it was all a little formal, but clearly there was still care. And then almost a year to the day, we ran into each other in a coffee shop that I go to all

the time and have never seen him in, and he walked in with a mutual friend of ours who I had actually never met in person because he lives outside of the US, and we all saw each other and I got up and I immediately burst into tears, and he also burst into tears because we're both big SAPs. And we hugged each other and I was like, not the right time to catch up, but he said we were both like, we have to.

We have to.

Clearly the universe is saying that we have to like reconnect and being each other's lives. And we met up like a week or so later, and we must have talked for eight hours, and we talked through our whole relationship and our breakup and our year after breaking up, and it really set us on a new course that I think we will now look at each other when we hang out and be like, we're really fucking cool, Like, yeah, we're so cool. We have really worked to recreate a friendship that is not romantic because we actively choose because we really care about each other and we want to be in each other's lives.

But I also think that there's something coming to my mind that maybe is a defining difference, because I know this is not how you broke up with that person. But in this case of Tom and Lynette, so Tom was dating Annabel, yes, but then he met Lynette.

Right he left Anna then and they.

Were cheating on and Tom was cheating on Annabel while he dated Lynette, and after dating her for a while, decided, oh wait, this is a girl I could actually marry. So left Annabelle married Lynette. They've had all these children, they've been together all this time, and now the other girls in the picture going, well, you know, he met you by cheating on me. And that's what Lynette is like worried about that, like once a person has this behavior, you know, maybe he's going to have the behavior again.

And also it does seem like annabel has like ulterior motives, like she wouldn't be so sad if Tom left his family. I mean, at least that's kind of how it seems.

I think that Annabel when we first meet her, when Lynette first comes to kind of confront her in the office room by without Tom there, I thought that Annabel led with a really beautiful and I would say kind of genuine. We really should get like let's put bygones, be bygones, we really should get lunch.

Just the two of us.

And I think I struggle with Lynette's character in this episode because I felt like Lynette was not able to just go, you know what, my relationship is, my relationship and I trust it and I feel secure in it. And you guys had your shot at a relationship and it clearly didn't work out.

But again, if you look at that, then I think something that the character of Lynette continues to struggle with is security.

Yeah, you know, her value.

That she thinks of herself has been taken away because she doesn't work at the office and she's not a big high brown, you know, power player. She's a stay at home mom, and in her view, I think she still feels insecure about that as a position of value, so that it makes sense that she would come at it like this.

And if I were Tom, I mean and I have been in dynamics before with partners who have been insecure about friendships I have with ex'es, and it is something that.

Is really difficult for me.

It is difficult for me to feel like I don't have a partner that feels secure enough in our relationship to trust that the people who are still in my life my life are in my life because they're important to me. And also, I would never violate the contract that I have with the person I'm dating and how we relate to each other.

Can I say another thing that I just noticed from this episode, which is we I think we have talked before about Wisteria Lane as a.

Place without weather.

Oh yes, and they make a big deal out of this being springs.

Oh and they make they make our leading lady Whosteria Lane looks so good, I know.

And it's springtime and they say they offer the idea that it is time to stop and smell the roses, which I just have to say, I put that out on my Instagram all the time, like every chance, I when when I go for hikes, when I go for walks, she knows, like I'm constantly stopping to smell the flowers and to look at the bird and listen to the bird, and look at the sun and look at the sun. Said, I am all about those little moments in nature, and I really believe they can magically.

Help your life if you do slow down to do that.

But also like spring cleaning, and I'm a big one for throwing things out and like the great sense of control that it gives you to like clean out all your stuff and purge out all your stuff. But I so I love spring. I love spring cleaning.

I Spring your favorite season.

No, I think fall is my favorite season.

But but I do love the the you know, idea of the flowers and blooming and blossoming and beauty and fragrance and all of that that brings into your life. And I just thought it was really an interesting moment where I was like, oh, Okay, they're identifying spring and what spring can mean on with Steria Lane.

Yeah.

Yeah, I noticed it too, because we we have famously kind of acknowledged that they try not to highlight the weather or the seasons or any sort of time specifically dating ourselves in these episodes. But we also got a fun another fun, big group scene.

They're rare, but they they we have.

The big barbecue barbecue.

Which I do remember filming because I remember being excited that everyone was there. I mean, those scenes are long, and there's so much coverage to get there, so much happening. We're all called it's a long day. But they're fun because we get to interact with each.

Other and you know, and had a lot to do in that.

I did, and I do remember that because Julie is trying to figure out how to extricate herself from this relationship with Zach, which I guess became so much more intense to him than to her, but also in my own recollection, I didn't remember how much of a storyline this became, but I do remember talking about the way Julie dresses in this episode and styles herself with our hair and makeup team, and it being a choice to have her curl her hair a little and have her wear a little bit more makeup to kind of signify that she's getting a little older.

Did you find that the makeup and hair people were supportive of that creative conversation?

Yes, but I would say yes they all were.

I mean, I loved our hair and makeup team and they were all always very lovely to me. But I think I would have made different choices, Like I often felt a disconnect between how I felt pretty in life versus how that came across on screen.

What did you feel like the difference was, like, how would you style yourself at that age and compared to Julie no flip flop?

Yeah, maybe no flip flops.

I remember there being a conversation of me wanting to wear mascara and that being like, oh, that might be too mature, And I was kind of irritated by that at that age because I was like, I think I can pull off a little bit of mask one coat.

I wanted to fight for one coat of mascara.

I've actually seen you when we've gotten our makeup together go put on more masks.

Yeah, and it's a complex.

Now I'm like, pile it on.

No, But you know, I think that that's just a thing. Like I I got a lot of feedback in the world when the show was on as a teenager, where people commented on my looks and felt very comfortable doing that to my face in publics, and it was often I think it was an attempt to make me feel good, but they would describe it as like, oh, you look so much better in real life than you do on TV.

They said that to me too, and they still do.

Yeah, but it's a thing. It's a thing, yeah, and it's.

It's and now for me, it's like, you look good for your age. The qualifiers are.

Hard, and they're hard when you're young because you're just like, well, I don't know what to do with that, and I was.

I always wanted to be gracious.

When people would come up to me in person, but when they say something like that, you're kind of like.

It's such a backhand to compliment I've heard you mom received from people all the time, Oh my god, you look so much better in person than you do on TV.

And I sort of like, well, g thanks, it's only.

My career is being on TV. But like I am glad I don't look.

As bad as I look on This might not if I'd.

Be too revealing to share, but you know whatever, here we are being vulnerable. I screenshotted a comment that was left on me. It was either left on our podcast page maybe our podcast Instagram.

Anyway, it was very blunt into the point.

It said nice nose job, Andrea, and I screenshotted it and I showed it to my husband just because I think it's funny, not because it really doesn't hurt my feelings. It doesn't matter to me, but I was trying to illustrate.

I guess to him like, yeah, this still is a thing.

Like and also.

Because you know what I just got what oh this is I just got on I think it was my Instagram. Yeah, I just got because I was on Jesse Tyler Ferguson's Dinners on Me right and in it, I was in the conversation I had with him I was talking about not getting facelift and doing bowtrux and all of that stuff, which I I mean, I haven't done bowtox or fillers in over fifteen years. I mean, and even before that, I never really doubt. I would dabble like for for like a minute, and then like for two years I wouldn't do it again. You know, I never really did it right. It wasn't really your thing. No, it wasn't really my thing. But then but then it became like never anyway. So this guy's like, well, it's great that

she finally stopped doing all that filler and botox because she looked really awful for a while there, but.

Now she looks a little better. You know.

It's like you damned if you.

Do them on Instagram.

There you go.

Yeah, So what else about this episode? It's important anything that we need to uh be I.

Mean, one thing, just one thing that I wanted to know.

And I feel like we're gonna definitely have fodder for an X y Z on this because a lot happens and we have more people falling in pools at large parties. You know, we opened the pilot with that. We're coming to the close of the season, then we have to get two more people in their.

Clothes in the pool.

But one thing, just jumping to Julian Zach's storyline and Zach and Paul's conversation with each other. When Paul tells Zach, you know, Julie's not going to be with you. You aren't that special. I felt so bad for Zach, who is obviously such a tortured, misunderstood character and has acted so well. But it also made me think a lot about a bigger macro idea which my mom and I have talked about over the years, which is, I think when you are a teenager, your world can feel so small and myopic, and these things like a breakup of a first relationship or moving can just feel so catastrophic and like your life is over. And I really think, you know, when we see teenagers to like take their own lives and have really tear rbal cycles of depression,

it can be really dangerous, the sort of tunnel vision we get in high school of thinking that there is nothing beyond these current four years of our existence. And I just I felt called to at least note that I think Zach's character is really poignantly portraying this conflict that happens a lot in teenage years, and that it's really important as parents, or as people who have teenagers in their life, or if you're a teenager yourself, to just remember that the world is so much larger than those four years of high school, as influential as though they can feel when you're in them.

If you guys want to hear more about a deeper dive on this conversation, then join us for Deep Dive XYZ episode and that'll be up in a few days. And thank you for joining us. And we only have three left you guys okin.

Sad all right?

Season two?

Yeah, that's true and more but we will. We'll see you next week and because we are desperately devoted to you.

Yeah,

Sex with an Ex and Back-Handed Compliments (S1 Ep20 "Fear No More")

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