Women DON'T Know Their PLACE! With Sarah Fontenot Shorter

0:00 What's up, guys? It's your girl, Sarah Shorter, host of the It's Giving podcast, a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.

0:08 What is a woman's role supposed to be?

0:11 A woman is supposed to be nurtured. A woman is supposed to be kind. A woman is supposed to be loving. A woman's job is to turn a house into a home. It's to turn a seed into a baby. You can only trust people as much as you trust yourself. So if you don't trust anyone, you don't trust yourself. You don't even know because you're beautiful and you're feminine. And right now there's a bunch of men that want to have fun with you, but do they value you? There's a big difference between intention and attention. And too many women are mistaking the attention for someone that has intention and they don't. They will smash you. They will date you.

0:42 They will take you out. They will feed you. They will, hell, they might take you on some trips and everything. But will they wife you? Probably not.

0:48 Do you think that's the problem with women and being feminine? They want to feel like they know everything.

0:53 Yes, that's absolutely the problem with these women. What's up, guys, and welcome to another episode of It's Giving. I am your host, Sarah Shorter, and if you have not yet, please hit that button below and get subscribed. Hit that bell so you get a notification with each new piece of content. And because we are fully committed relationship people, not situationships, I would ask that not only do you subscribe, but maybe push hype so other people get a chance to hear these nuggets today. Because every week we are bringing you the real, the raw, the raggedy, And the rants.

1:34 And I have no idea what's in store for today, so we got to give it up for the team, okay? We've got Shot by Anissa on the mic.

1:41 What's up?

1:41 Hey, girl.

1:42 Hey. How you feel? I'm good, girl. I'm good.

1:45 Okay, good.

1:46 And we got our male perspective, itsshow.tv.

1:49 What's up?

1:50 What's going on, queen? How you living?

1:52 God is good. I'm still here.

1:55 That's great. Amen.

1:56 And we've got creative director, producer of the year.

1:59 Who is Kenny B?

2:01 What's up?

2:01 Who?

2:02 Givers. I love what y'all doing.

2:04 I just keep on giving and giving and giving and giving.

2:06 And Sarah's loving it.

2:08 So make sure to like, comment, subscribe, share, and give this to somebody who needs it.

2:11 Let's go.

2:12 Bars. All right, Anissa, what we got? Sarah.

2:16 Yes.

2:17 We always talk about how women don't know their roles. We always talk about that.

2:22 We do.

2:22 We've gone viral several times about that. Yes.

2:24 But it's also the men who don't know their roles either. And I would love for us to talk about that. Why do you look so confused, Sarah?

2:32 Because I feel like everyone is clear on the role of a man and no one is clear on the role of a woman.

2:36 What are you saying to me?

2:38 What role does a woman have? We know that a man is meant to protect, provide. He's meant to make sure that we're safe. He's there to make sure that we're grounded. He's there to offer perspective. He's there to lead us.

2:51 What does a woman do? To nurture.

2:54 What women do you know that are nurturing?

2:56 I know plenty of women who are nurturing. I do. I'm just saying.

3:04 So you're telling me, okay, so you're telling me Okay, so let me ask you then, what is a woman's role supposed to be?

3:14 Well, number one, a woman is supposed to be nurturing.

3:16 Thank you.

3:16 A woman is supposed to be kind. A woman is supposed to be loving. A woman's job is to turn a house into a home. It's to turn a seed into a baby. We are an incubator. We take what we are given and we make it better. We truly are multipliers, right? But this is the thing. Most women don't want to do that. When was the last time, how about a podcast of women talking about, check on your man? When's the last time you even hear, we as women are so like, oh my God. And he just, he's just not there for me. And he doesn't know how to be there for me emotionally. You don't even know how to be there for you emotionally.

3:53 They can't even be there for their houseplant.

3:55 We asked you, we asked, how are you doing today?

3:58 Yeah.

3:58 How are you?

3:58 Yeah.

3:59 But do you mean it?

4:00 Yes.

4:00 When's the last time you did a heart check with your partner? People don't heart check with their partners.

4:07 People don't. They don't.

4:08 People don't know how to stay in their lane.

4:11 They don't have a clue. They don't have a clue.

4:13 They don't have an idea.

4:14 I definitely agree.

4:15 And this is the thing. Of course you do.

4:18 The problem is folks want to act like they act like they do.

4:22 But they don't. So like, what do you mean?

4:24 Like, how can somebody asking you, how are you doing?

4:27 How is that insincere at any means?

4:30 Most times when you ask someone, how are you doing? What do you say?

4:33 Fine. I'm good.

4:35 I'm cool.

4:37 You don't go into what's actually happening. That's a shallow question. If this is someone that you actually care about and value, how do you get to the depths of it? How do you find out how that person's actually doing baby and I just want to say, I know that it is hard out there and I am so proud of what you're going through, but is there anything you're going through that I may not be aware of? Is there anything you're battling that I may not even know about?

5:02 Do you feel like you have something going on that you would really like to get off your chest and you don't really have an outlet?

5:08 Like, don't ask me.

5:09 No shallow questions. You need to start asking men real questions and create real safe space.

5:16 And this is the real part, okay?

5:18 Once you ask the question, don't get offended by their answer. Because if you ask that man, is there anything that you're carrying that I don't know about? And he says, yeah, you know, I feel like you nag a lot. It's not the time to say, oh my God, will I emasculate, emasculate, emasculate, disrespect, disrespect, disrespect.

5:35 That's not the time. It's the time to say, oh, what makes you feel that way? Or I'm so sorry, that's not my intention. Can you share, like, can you give me an example of how I do that?

5:45 So I have a, question for you, like a caveat question, but it's still related. How do women not allow their face to speak before they actually do?

5:55 Because are you listening to respond or are you listening to understand? Is that where the facial responses come from? I think the problem with a lot of women is they don't listen. We've said this before. Women don't listen. Women talk. And when they don't talk with their mouths, they talk.

6:11 With their faces. Why?

6:12 Because even when they act like they're listening, they're listening to say what they have to say next.

6:18 So even if they don't say it, it's going to say it on your face.

6:21 But if you're really listening to understand then there shouldn't be a side eye. There shouldn't be a RBF, the resting biatch face. That shouldn't even be in existence because you're trying to understand your person. So the expression should be, oh, I'm perplexed. Not, I know he didn't just say that.

6:39 The whole energy and essence of it is different.

6:41 But this goes back to how we as women don't know our role. We don't listen to anything. We know all the answers. We talk over. When we aren't talking over, we're listening just so we can say our piece.

6:54 I understand what you're saying, but this is like a real problem that I have in my own, like in my life.

6:58 Okay.

6:59 My face speaks before that. Then you're listening to respond.

7:03 Okay.

7:04 I literally almost just did it. I'm sorry. Okay. You literally almost got defensive. That is the point.

7:11 Listening to respond.

7:12 So how does a woman unlearn defensiveness? Go to therapy. Go to Jesus. Go to a pastor.

7:19 Go to God.

7:21 And then also the thing about it is you're defensive because you're in the posture of I have to prove something. When you're in a relationship, it should never be me versus you. That's not what it should be. It should be us versus the problem. But if you are trying to prove why you're right instead of eliminate the problem, then of course you're going to be defensive. But if you are in a space of this is us versus everything else, then I can't, I'm not, I don't have to defend myself to you because I'm not in a space where I have to attack. I'm not in a space where I'm about to be attacked. And that's the problem.

7:57 We don't want to acknowledge our own vulnerabilities and be inside of them. We want to be strong. And I got it.

8:05 And don't worry. It's too much of a risk, Sarah. Right? You got it, King. Bro, you tripping. That's what that is. You tripping. You tripping.

8:12 That's a fact.

8:13 I'm just saying.

8:14 Of course you would say that. Of course you would say that, y'all.

8:17 All right, y'all.

8:17 I'm complete. Ah, dog. You mentioned women with podcasts. Just a second ago.

8:27 Uh-huh.

8:29 So I want to talk about how do you feel about single women with podcasts? Mind you, you've only been married for a year. You was just a single woman. You were three years in this podcast.

8:39 Yeah.

8:39 So, yeah.

8:40 Yeah.

8:41 The problem is I think a lot of single women, a lot of, not all, but I think a lot of single women with podcasts will be single.

8:48 Girl.

8:49 And I say that because I think they unknowingly are saying things that they don't understand as a repellent to a man. I think that as long as women are out here championing, saying things like, I make great money. saying all the things that are a turnoff to a man. I could do this all by myself. I buy myself.

9:10 I could take myself here. I could fly myself there. I fly my girlfriends out and we go on trips together. There's nothing attractive about that. The problem is how men have barbershop talk, barbershop talk, and that's going on podcasts. Well, the thing about it is men are the ones that choose for marriage. So now we're bringing our couch conversations into the forefront of But we don't have the choice for marriage.

9:33 So you feel like couch conversations should remain private?

9:36 I feel like, number one, we're brainwashed as women. And women don't even know that they're brainwashed. And so now they're regurgitating the brainwashed BS. People are saying things like, all men are worthless. Or they're saying things like, black men don't know they're hard to love. Or they're saying, like, we literally just saw a video not too long ago about a woman saying black men are hard to love.

9:59 I don't.

10:00 I i pity that woman and i hate that she said that on the internet because number one it's not true maybe the black men that you've been with in your experience haven't been the greatest but all black men are hard to love is complete it's not true i have a black man and he is not hard to love So I feel like as long as people are going on these podcasts, these women, especially single women are going on these podcasts and saying things and don't let it be one of the women that are talking about if he loses it all, baby run. Don't let it be the women that are talking about if he doesn't make a million, what am I looking at him for?

10:36 You are, you are signed, sealed and delivering yourself to singleness.

10:41 Get you a cat lady.

10:43 And people don't even know it.

10:44 That's the problem.

10:45 You don't even know because you're beautiful and you're feminine. And right now there's a bunch of men that want to have fun with you, but do they value you? There's a big difference between intention and attention. And too many women are mistaking the attention for someone that has intention and they don't. They will smash you. They will date you. They will take you out. They will feed you.

11:04 They will, yeah, hell, they might take you on some trips and everything. But will they wife you? Probably not. Because you're not speaking wife language. You're speaking single language. You're speaking, I could do it all by myself language. You're speaking, I don't need no man language. And no man, no masculine man anyway, wants to be with a woman that doesn't need anything. Because then what's the point of him?

11:31 So can you give a demonstration on how to be a woman that needs something from a man but refuses to ask him for it?

11:40 I don't understand the question.

11:41 Like you said that a woman who asks for nothing gets everything.

11:45 Yeah.

11:46 Right?

11:47 So if a man is here to solve problems and to help in the areas of a woman's needs, but yet they don't want a woman to directly ask them for help, how should a woman move and flow if she desires help but doesn't want to, like, like present herself as like a woman that just like is helpless or something like that.

12:12 You know what I'm saying?

12:13 It's great when you're helpless.

12:15 Wait, what? It's great.

12:16 What do you mean?

12:17 It is great when you're helpless.

12:19 So you're basically telling women that it's okay to be the damsel puppy, puppy dog.

12:22 Absolutely. It's okay. Please help me. I just got.

12:26 No, you don't say, please help me.

12:28 This is not safe. Please tell me not what your words.

12:30 When you have feminine energy, your energy says, please help me. Please solve my problems. I am great at receiving all things. Your energy says it. It's not a behavior. It's not a certain act that you do. It's a part of who you are. If your energy is screaming, I got it. I don't need your help. I'm strong.

12:50 I don't need you.

12:52 No man wants to help you.

12:54 Yeah, literally.

12:54 Even something as simple as like, let's say you're helping somebody down from something like a step or a ledge and you stick your hand out, you'll get the first two, three women. They'll stick their hand out. You can tell they're damsels. They need help. And then you have that other woman that comes in. She's grabbing on the rail.

13:08 She's got it all under. All right, sweetheart, jump.

13:10 Right. Go crazy.

13:12 When I tell you I have seen men while I'm with my husband, I have seen men allow their girls to go wherever they're going and wait to say, do you need help?

13:24 For no other reason, it's.

13:25 Not that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. It's not that, while Brock was grabbing my shoes, it's not that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. It's not that I'm the most sweet girl in the world. It's not that I need so much help.

13:35 I'm just helpless.

13:36 It's that my energy says, save me. My energy says, I am feminine. I don't know the answers.

13:43 I don't know. What do you think?

13:45 Do you think that's the problem with women and being feminine? They want to feel like they know everything.

13:50 Yes.

13:51 That's absolutely the problem with these women. You can't teach them anything and they think they know all the answers. What can I give to you if you have it all?

13:59 You're full.

14:00 There's no space for me.

14:02 None. None.

14:03 Now, I'm not saying be ditzy. I'm not saying, you know, minimize yourself. No, I'm not saying any of that. I'm saying energetically, when you move in your feminine, men naturally want to solve all your problems. They want to put your bags on the top of the airplane. They want to help you off of boats. They want to help you down from the stairs. They want to open the door.

14:26 If you aren't a woman, if there's a man coming out of the bank, right? So you're going to the bank. If there's a man coming out of the bank and you're walking into the bank and that man doesn't turn around and hold the door for you, take a look in the mirror. I bet you struggle with feminine energy.

14:42 A lot of these women don't even say thank you when a man opens the door.

14:45 I struggle with feminine energy. That is a prime example.

14:49 So scenario.

14:53 Okay.

14:54 Let's say I struggle with feminine energy.

14:55 Uh-huh.

14:57 Which is partially true. Okay. In real life, I'm a tomboy by nature. Okay.

15:02 What would be the top three things you would tell me as a friend to reverse that?

15:09 One, get our book. I'm sorry, what?

15:11 Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?

15:12 One, get our book, Intro to Femininity, because it's 10 steps into how to be more feminine. It's just the beginning.

15:18 It's an intro, right?

15:19 Okay.

15:20 Two, we've talked about this too, but I'll use something different from be interested instead of interesting. And I'll use something different from seek the need before it's expressed. I'll use as simple as do the best with your genetic potential. Because this is another thing too. Femininity looks good. Now, that does not mean you have to be a size zero.

15:38 That does not mean you have to be a size two. But it does mean you have to take care of your body. And you have to do well with your hygiene. There are too many people that are missing the opportunity to take care of themselves. And I'm talking nails done. It doesn't mean you have to. I haven't had acrylics on my nails, and I cannot tell you how long.

15:57 Not only that I haven't seen you with acrylics, but I've known you.

16:01 I'm a gel girl, right? Gel polish, right? And usually, this is actually like a color. Usually, I'm a little more clear than this. But I was trying something different because I went to a new place.

16:09 Not the point.

16:09 The point is, you don't have to have long, sparkly, bedazzled nails. In fact, I think that's more ratchet than feminine, but that's just me. Now, there are exceptions to the rule because I know some girls that I'm like, ooh, this is a part of their pizzazz.

16:22 You know what I mean? Others, nah. And then, what?

16:27 I'm just saying, it is what it is. There's exceptions to every rule, right? I'm not saying that you have to have a weave in your hair or braids or whatever. You can have natural hair, but take care of it, right? I just went to have my teeth cleaned at my dentist. My dentist said, well, it wasn't the dentist. It was the dental hygienist. She was like, you floss every day.

16:48 This is the easiest cleaning I've ever done. I was like, oh, thank you. She's like, no, for real. There's just no plaque in here.

16:54 There's no gingivitis. There's no tartar. I was like, oh, thanks.

16:58 Also, yeah, how about, you know, whatever. But they're in there just clawing, reaching for everything, flossing your teeth.

17:06 I love that. We should take care of ourselves. So do the best with your genetic potential.

17:11 And then another thing that I would say about being feminine is, I would say, learn how to take direction. Learn how to take direction. We as women right now in 2026, we got it. You got it, King. We got it. We don't know how to take direction from anyone. We think we know everything. We have to surrender the control.

17:40 We have to surrender the... Because it's just fear, right? Control comes from fear. I'm so scared.

17:46 It's not going to go this way. It's not going to go that way. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It's fear.

17:50 Mm-hmm.

17:52 I'm complete.

17:53 So. Okay. Okay.

17:59 We can move on.

17:59 Let me ask you this. Uh-huh. So.

18:04 We talk about women submitting and men taking leadership.

18:07 What does that look like?

18:09 And where is the line drawn as far as control and leadership? Because I think that's the gaslighting girls love to get behind. The second a man tries to lead, he's controlling.

18:22 Well, I don't think that when there's true submission, no one has control. Because I'm not submitted to you as my husband. I'm submitted to the mission, and so is my husband. He just has the final say towards that mission. And the truth is, when you're with a true leader, a leader also understands when it's time to follow. So if I'm better in one area and he's not that good, then him having the final say is saying, you take this for me. You take this on.

18:55 So speaking about submission, right? Are you saying that just because he's a man, he should be submitted to?

19:02 Is that what you're saying?

19:03 I'm saying whoever is the masculine party, which is most oftentimes the man, that's who is the leader of the household.

19:10 What if I'm surrounded by men on a regular basis? Do I submit to all of these men?

19:15 They're not your man.

19:17 But I'm just talking about like, I feel like- They are nowadays. I feel like submission is something that needs to be practiced. Like you can't turn on submission on and off like a light switch. It has to be in you. So it's like, how does a woman practice submission if she only quote unquote practices it.

19:32 In a relationship and she's not in a relationship long? You see what I'm saying?

19:35 Yes.

19:36 So this is the thing. Submission does not mean you get walked over. And I think that's the problem. Women hear the word submit and it's like, you can't tell me what to do. No, it's not about that. True submission when you're submitted to a mission, and this goes for work too, means you're sub, which means under the mission.

19:53 The mission, what are we completing? What is the task?

19:55 What is the goal?

19:56 So even at work, being submissive is a part, it's just a part of it. So And we as women get so much more when we are feminine women. It's easier. If I'm surrounded by men on a job, I know it's going to be easier for me. It just is what it is. It's human nature. It's going to be easier when we are in our feminine. Now, if you are in your masculine, now you are not on the same level as them because you can't be because you're a man. You're a woman and they're a man. And also- Now you're like the weaker piece. But if you're a different kind of piece, which is feminine, now it's like, oh, we have to help her get on our level as opposed to, oh, she can't carry her own weight. The problem is too many women are trying to play the

20:48 man's game. You're not a man.

20:51 You are a woman.

20:53 And I'm really talking about masculinity and femininity, right? If you are a feminine woman, you don't have to, it's not any harder to submit.

21:01 You're right.

21:02 It is in you. You should be able to take direction. You should be able to relinquish control. And this is the thing too, because I relinquish control, it's not on me if it goes bad.

21:11 So how can I submit to somebody that I don't trust? You can't.

21:14 You shouldn't be with them.

21:15 That's what I'm saying.

21:16 So it's like, how can, how is a woman expected to submit to, to the stronger counterparts around them.

21:22 If she doesn't essentially trust them?

21:23 Why would you choose a man you don't trust?

21:24 I'm not necessarily talking about within a relationship. I'm talking about throughout day-to-day life. Let's just say I'm a.

21:31 That's not submission. If I'm with people that I don't trust, I'm full-blown. I'm doing my job and I'm getting out of it.

21:39 That's it.

21:40 I'm going to do what I need to do.

21:41 You do what you need to do.

21:43 But as far as relationships go, why would I... For what reason would I ever... Choose a man that I do not trust.

21:50 Because he's fine, Sarah.

21:51 But also this too. You can only trust people as much as you trust yourself. So if you don't trust anyone, you don't trust yourself. There's no way.

22:02 I personally think you shouldn't trust anybody, but that's just me. I think that's trauma. How is that trauma? Okay, now we got to get into it because that's crazy. I think it's trauma. That's not trauma.

22:11 It is.

22:12 It is not. How about you ask me why I think that way? No, I don't want to ask. Why? I think it's trauma. It's not. No, I don't want to ask.

22:19 I think that people that don't trust anyone, I have questions. It's like women that don't have any female friends. That's weird to me. That's so strange to me. No one, you'll have not one single female that's stuck. You probably move shady. That's crazy to me.

22:37 I just believe it's foolish to put your trust in people, to put your safety into people.

22:41 Now you have a circle of people that you trust.

22:45 Like you're close, like you're a superhero goddess tribe that you say, like that makes sense. But just a random person that you met last week, I don't trust you.

22:53 I trust everybody until they give me a reason not to.

22:55 That doesn't, no. But I also watch people like a hawk.

22:57 This is the thing too, you won't get anything past me. It doesn't take me a lot to figure out who someone is or what they're doing.

23:03 For me personally.

23:04 And I think that every person has the opportunity to sharpen their discernment, to sharpen their observation. Because if you keep getting done dirty by the same dude with a different name, it's a you thing.

23:16 Definitely.

23:17 You should have noticed that. You should have been able to see.

23:20 Right.

23:20 There's no reason why you keep running into the same. At some point, when are you the common denominator? At some point, when is it that person in the mirror?

23:30 I'm complete.

23:31 Get him, Sarah.

23:34 Lord Jesus.

23:36 Speaking about submission, let's talk about surrendering. Do you think women are surrendering good men?

23:45 You said it one more time.

23:48 Do you think women are surrendering good men?

23:52 I think that women allow their emotions to throw their men away. I think that women's inability to listen, to understand, and the ego and entitlement that a lot of women come with a relationship where it's all about what can you do for me? How can you serve me? This is what I need. If you're not doing that, then you're no good. Oh my God. He just emotionally doesn't get it whatsoever. But how many times has that man said, oh babe, I'm tired? How many times has that man said, I would really like if we X, Y, Z? How many times has that man said, damn, I was really looking forward to X, Y, Z? How many times have you let that man down, but yet you want to sit here and pretend like it's all his fault? And

24:37 so I think that, pardon me, oftentimes a lot of women will surrender a good man because they can't regulate their own emotions. They can't actually stand to take the feedback of where they fall short. They can't actually allow themselves to be present and try to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. A lot of women are in a space where like you talk so crazy and disrespectful to that man because you thought he was a nice guy. Not knowing that he's not nice. He's a good man. And good men will deal with you for so long, but keep crossing their boundaries and it's a wrap.

25:13 You out of here.

25:14 And that's the thing. I think a lot of women keep trying to push a man, push a man, push a man, push a man, push a man.

25:20 Stop.

25:22 For what reason?

25:23 Like those women that say, I need you to put me in my place. I don't trust those women.

25:26 I ain't doing none of that.

25:28 I think they have a mental illness. I really do. Because if you need somebody to be able to firmly put a boundary in front of you for you to respect it, and then you're still going to like test it in a crazy way. Now, to be fair, there are a level of tests that happen naturally, okay? I want to make that perfectly clear. However, if your identity is around, I need a man to put me in my place, you won't get chosen. I don't know any woman that's like, I just need a man to put me in my place. Good luck, baby girl.

25:55 May the odds be ever in your favor.

25:56 That's so many women.

25:57 Even if they don't say it directly, I feel like so many women need that.

26:01 Yeah. Yeah.

26:02 No, they don't need it. They've chosen to want that because they want chaos. They don't want stability. They don't actually want a man that puts them in his place because those are the same women that say you're controlling when you tell that girl she needs to go put some more clothes on. Those are the same women that say you're controlling because you expect her to submit to the vision that y'all talked about together. I don't know any of those women that say those. A woman that says, I just need you to put me in my place, single.

26:29 And her friends are single and her mama's probably single because she probably learned through the grapevine.

26:34 I agree.

26:36 They're single.

26:36 40 with a cat or a dog somewhere.

26:39 Yeah.

26:40 Bitter.

26:41 Yeah.

26:42 Or with a roster like crazy where she has six different men that are providing six different resources or paying six different bills.

26:50 You had a roster before you were a wife.

26:51 I wasn't sleeping with my roster. That's the difference.

26:53 You was what?

26:54 Not sleeping with my roster. That is the difference.

26:57 Okay.

26:59 There's no okay about it.

27:01 I'm just saying. It is a difference.

27:03 Okay. I mean, I don't know how you got away with all that. I know we've talked about this before, but.

27:08 I'm not entertaining, helping, supporting anything that's talking to another guy, man.

27:13 It's just not happening.

27:14 I hear you.

27:16 I hear you.

27:16 We went on a long tangent about this. Sarah will never agree with that.

27:19 She don't care at all. She's going to put y'all through it.

27:22 She's not putting her through it. It's just like, date them all, sis. Date them all, sis. Because my thing is, you going to date them all, bro.

27:29 Right. But like you say, you call me a bro and her a sis. We not the same. I just feel like.

27:33 You're projecting what you would do on that woman because you know you sleeping with all them women that you talking to. So automatically, of course, the woman is doing that too.

27:41 Stop capping like you're out here talking.

27:43 It's all projection. It's all projection. You can do it, but she can't. That's crazy.

27:47 I get it because you're in the fun lane. I'm not. And when you're outside of the fun lane, it's not about smashing left and right. The fun lane is about smashing left and right. The marriage lane is about what is your character? What are you bringing to the table? What can we build together? Are you a person that can create peace? Are you a person that can create security and safety? Are you a person that we can have fun together? It's a different lane. So I understand when you're in the fun lane, how the marriage lane sounds a little crazy, but I've never been in the fun lane in my life. Not one single time. I cannot relate. I do not know. I've never had a man think I was going on the first night in

28:25 my life. Cannot relate. I can't even relate to the women that say, oh, well, he wanted sex after dinner. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even have that energy. So the same way that you're like, that's not happening is the same way I'm like, and from my lane looking at that would never happen to me.

28:44 It would never happen to me. So I get it.

28:47 But we're different.

28:47 You in a fun lane. I was in a marriage lane.

28:50 It's the same lane.

28:52 It's not the same. It's not the same.

28:53 You're just basically saying I was going at this speed limit and they're going at this speed limit.

28:58 Like it's the same lane. Like it's the same women. It's the same.

29:02 It's not.

29:02 If you think for one second that the women that you deal with.

29:05 You're going 50 on the date and she hit 110.

29:08 No.

29:09 That's what we're talking about. No.

29:10 But you're not going on all these dates. You're not entertaining all these men. You're not being vulnerable, open.

29:15 And all these things. No, show.

29:17 The difference is those women are having sex with you. That is the difference. That is a completely different lane. Completely different. You have just given someone the biggest, the biggest, most sacred thing that you have for what?

29:30 A dinner? Because we FaceTimed twice?

29:33 I thought it was because I was great. I don't think it was because of the dinner.

29:35 No, it's not just because you're great. These women are going. So those women.

29:40 And my type of woman are not the same type of woman at all. And also, I'll say this too, in the marriage lane, because there are good women.

29:49 So I put these good women that you're talking about and that you know in my pool of sharks, they're not getting eaten up.

29:55 No.

29:56 I doubt it. I doubt it. I don't. Let's test this.

30:02 I don't doubt.

30:03 And I already know because we've all been around the same people. We've all been to the... We've been everywhere.

30:09 Exactly my point.

30:09 Your friend circle is not too far removed from the women.

30:14 It's night and day, actually.

30:16 I don't know about all that.

30:17 I don't know why y'all are so shocked.

30:19 I'm sorry.

30:20 I don't know about that. You do have some great friends. We're not going to pretend all of your friends are.

30:24 I don't have that many friends.

30:25 Let's be clear.

30:27 I do not have that many friends. I have a very small group of friends.

30:30 I love your friends, and some of them are sluggers.

30:32 I want no beef.

30:34 I don't even know what a slugger is.

30:35 They fight.

30:36 Oh, yeah, that's a fact.

30:37 They do fight.

30:38 So, I hear you, but I just, some of them be outside. Everybody be outside. That's what I'm saying. Like, how you're outside is different, but everyone's outside, if you ask me.

30:46 I don't think everyone's outside. I do think that everyone has their own lane of what it is that they want, and I'm just going to say, ladies, date them all. Don't sleep with any of them. That's what I would say.

30:56 What's up, guys?

30:57 Sarah Fontenot here. I just had to pause this episode really quick to let you know, if you have not yet, click the link below for our ebook, okay? How to Become a More Feminine Woman. People ask me these things. These are actionable 10 quick steps, intro to femininity, with a video that goes over some things in even more detail.

31:15 So if that's for you, make sure to click that link below and get your ebook on how to increase your femininity. 10 really simple steps. Love you guys. Now, let's get back to it.

31:27 How does one date them all and not see what can you do? What do you mean?

31:31 Don't put yourself in situations to have sex with these men. That's really simple.

31:34 So, no spending the night. No, don't spend the night. Unless you have discipline.

31:39 And he has discipline. And y'all both know what it is.

31:42 Don't ask that man.

31:44 Who's that one girl that said on a podcast, she said, How you could tell if a man loves you, run a hot bath and have a bath together. That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Run a bath with this man? That's a power play. You just want to be able to say, oh, you can't get this, but you can. Why would you even want to tempt a man like that? And I feel like you don't respect that man. But I wouldn't even put a man into that position. I'm not going to let you see my naked body and then say, oh, but I'm not having sex. You're lying. You're lying. No one is taking baths.

32:17 Who said that? Girl. Who said that? That was ridiculous. It was on Pastor Jamal Bryan's podcast. Oh, say this. It wasn't him.

32:26 He didn't say it.

32:27 A woman said it. You just had to say his name. No. And he was saying what I'm saying.

32:33 There's no way on God's green earth that you should, as a woman, put yourself or him into those tempting positions.

32:39 Don't do it.

32:40 If you know you don't have no discipline, don't spend the night with nobody. If you know that you are weak in the knees for a good-looking man, the date stops after dinner. The date stops after the walk. The date stops at nightfall.

32:54 Okay? Bring your tail back.

32:56 Home by yourself. That's what I would say.

32:59 Now, if you have.

33:00 Discipline and you both have discipline and you both know what it is, you might be able to get away with some different stuff. But if not, like, don't get in the kitchen if you can't stand the heat. That's what I would say.

33:12 I'm complete.

33:13 Okay.

33:15 All right.

33:15 Well, since we're talking about friend groups, let's talk about entitlement in friend groups. We were talking earlier, Chet, about... What was it going on? Savannah James had a friend that said she was okay with her riding first class while she rides coach or something like that.

33:34 Yeah.

33:35 And I guess people were saying that Savannah James should have.

33:39 She should be flying first class with you and blah, blah, blah.

33:42 With her and blah, blah, blah. And I just.

33:47 Because me and Kenny have many times have gotten on a plane with you, Sarah. He'll be riding that coach, baby. I think the crazy part is that you'll wave at us. You'll be like, hey, down there.

34:00 No, I'll wave at you while you pass me in first class.

34:03 Oh, that's wild.

34:04 She will.

34:05 She's such a.

34:05 Butthole about it, bro. She's such a.

34:07 We're over here?

34:08 We're over here.

34:10 I'm going to let you know right now. Can he get a first class to go down with me? I'm sitting in his seat.

34:12 Y'all can upgrade whatever you want to get, but if I'm buying a place, I ain't buying y'all first class.

34:16 I'm sitting in his seat.

34:18 That's crazy.

34:19 I'm not doing it.

34:20 I'm not doing it.

34:21 Now, this is the thing that I don't think people, because people love to speak from spaces they've never been in, right? I say this all the time in relationships and marriage and dating and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. A lot of people are like, oh, if I had that kind of money, my husband is this and my son makes millions. Well, your husband isn't that and your son doesn't make millions. And you don't have enough money to buy yourself and everybody else first class. Now, what I don't think people are paying attention to, for those people that actually fly, is she said she went to business class.

34:50 That's what she said.

34:51 I'll be in business class. She didn't say coach. She said business class, which internationally, which is what they were talking about, is still technically a first class flight.

34:59 And then she later said that she goes.

35:02 And gets in, she leaves her seat and goes and lays in the bed and they watch a movie together. Now, this to me sounds like an Emirates type flight. Now, if you know anything about flying, you know when you fly in Emirates flights, a first class Delta One, well, it's not Delta, Emirates One, whatever that version is. I've never even been on that. But what I do know is they're $ 30, 000 to $ 50, 000 a ticket.

35:25 Why would I.

35:26 Spend $ 30, 000 to $ 50, 000 on my friend? I don't owe you that. And if you can't do it for you, that's okay. Well, you could for sure arrive first class. And I think it is an epidemic where we as people feel entitled to what other people are because the truth is just being close to or in proximity to someone like a Savannah James brings you opportunities you never would have had. And it's not to take anything away from that woman. I'm sure she's amazing. I don't know her, never met her. I don't know anything. I don't even know all the details of the situation, but just from the little things that I'm hearing, I'm like, everybody's talking about, oh, I could have got her.

36:01 A first-class ticket.

36:02 Yeah, if it's $ 2, 500, what if it's 30? And then someone's going to say, well, that's a drop in the bucket for a millionaire. Go make a few million first, and then let's talk about it.

36:12 Yeah. Once you get it, you ain't going to want to spend it.

36:14 And let me tell you this, because I personally have had to cut off people that have been entitled in my life. I brought three women out for dinner as a thank you. Brought them to Marcel.

36:24 Okay?

36:24 Marcel, nicest steakhouse. I spent $ 1, 100 on that dinner. $ 1, 100. And one of those girls said, you should have just gave me a shout out on Instagram to shout out my business. You don't have a business. You don't have an LLC. You don't have any products. You literally don't have any of the things that you want. And if I stand for excellence, what do I look like telling people to go to you when you don't even have the thing that you want people to think you have?

36:55 People move weird and they move in an entitled way where they feel like you're supposed to do this for me because you got it.

37:03 Now, sometimes... We share.

37:06 And I'm nowhere near a Savannah James, by the way, but I have absolutely experienced entitlement. I have absolutely experienced, and those people are not in my life at all anymore. Like I have absolutely experienced someone expecting me to make them successful. Like that's my, you're not my wife. I don't swing that way. Why would you expect that? And why do people, this is my thing too. I don't expect anything from anyone other than what they have to give me. I don't expect any extras, to be honest.

37:41 You know what I like? I like to talk to you on the phone and have conversations about our day. I like, I would, me and my girlfriends will say, hey, we're going here.

37:50 Let's go.

37:52 And we're there. I was just in Italy.

37:58 You know what I mean? Like, I.

38:01 Love that. I love when a friend will say, hey, we're going to Belize for my birthday.

38:05 I'll be there. We'll be there.

38:06 I don't expect you to buy me a ticket to go there.

38:11 Why?

38:12 I would rather not go if I got to put that entitlement on someone else. So I think that we live in a weird, spooky world where everyone that's like, she said business class, which y'all heard was coach because y'all ain't never been nowhere. Business class is not coach. And then they try to change Savannah's first class ticket into, you know, no, that's not first class.

38:39 She had a bed.

38:40 There is no first class with a bed.

38:42 Doesn't exist. A Delta One seat that lays flat.

38:45 That's Delta One, not first class.

38:48 What's the difference between first class and Delta One?

38:50 First class and business class is like first class on a domestic flight. Delta one is a lay down bed. And then there's comfort. And then there's everybody else.

39:03 And that's for international flight.

39:04 Is it safe back there?

39:07 Yo.

39:08 Yo.

39:08 I was just joking. Did y'all ever see Soul Plane? Did you ever see Soul Plane?

39:13 Yes.

39:13 Okay, okay.

39:14 That was what she did with the little dog.

39:16 She's like, oh my God.

39:17 Is it safe? Like, will I make it okay? Makes me laugh every time.

39:20 Sorry, back to you. Sarah's such a.

39:25 Yo, the next production trip we take, I'm booking Sarah business class.

39:29 I would upgrade but you know what else you know what else if.

39:32 Somebody else i would if somebody else booked my flight i'm upgrading like i don't understand what the problem is with that but people don't even want to spend their own money to upgrade entitlement But I'm supposed to do it for you.

39:45 That's valid.

39:46 I can respect that. That's crazy work.

39:47 I can really respect that. I asked a shorty, I said, I'll pay for everything. Just get your flight, meet me in Costa Rica.

39:52 Yeah. She said, I'd like if you pay the flight and then I'll take care of something over there. Nah, you good. Catch you next trip.

39:58 Right. She said, what?

40:00 Basically, for me to front the flight and then she'll cover some stuff once we get out there, yada, yada.

40:04 But I was trying to work that plan in reverse.

40:05 Mom didn't raise no fool now.

40:06 Yeah, you heard?

40:07 You about to get me.

40:08 Not at all.

40:10 So guess who's going to Costa Rica?

40:11 Dola. Here you go.

40:14 All right, so Kenny's giving us the wrap, so we're going to wrap it with this.

40:18 Two more questions. Jeez.

40:21 Yeah, because I'm looking.

40:25 So let's talk about women who make men jump through hoops.

40:29 Oh.

40:30 Like the Harlem Globetrotters hoops.

40:32 What's that mean? Is that a dog?

40:35 That's a dog team?

40:36 The little agility team?

40:37 Are you for real right now? She's not from the city. That's an American thing.

40:42 Yo, it don't matter, bro. She's been in America long enough. You don't know who the Harlem Globetrotters are?

40:47 Not from New York.

40:47 Are they dogs that jump through the hoops?

40:49 It is dogs.

40:50 They're basketball players that play like a... Oh, my God.

40:55 It's almost like a fake basketball game where everything is exaggerated.

40:59 Like, They shoot, like, a four-point shot, and they just.

41:02 Oh, it's a video game.

41:03 More like a show.

41:04 No, it's... These are actual people that do, like.

41:06 They are known for their exquisite basketball skills.

41:10 In the NBA.

41:10 Like, the basketball circuit.

41:11 Well, they're not in the NBA. They're in their own... They have their own, like, league of their own.

41:15 Is it NBA players that play?

41:16 No, it's a show. Like, I know they think it's real basketball. It's, like, a big show. And then.

41:21 It's, like, think of the circus like a basketball play.

41:22 Like a basketball circus?

41:23 Yes.

41:24 Do they have dogs that jump through hoops?

41:25 No.

41:26 No, Sarah.

41:27 Why did you say that? Because... Oh, my God.

41:31 Because they do crazy things to get through hoops. Okay, anyway. It just went over your head.

41:35 Okay.

41:36 Let's talk. Okay.

41:37 That's crazy.

41:38 I mean, have you guys never seen the dogs that jump through hoops, though?

41:41 Yes, we've seen the AKC competitions. Okay.

41:45 Okay.

41:45 God, dog.

41:45 I just want to make sure I'm not tripping.

41:47 Because I know what I saw. I didn't know that. Don't judge me. I'm not a big sports girl. I know the sport.

41:55 I don't know anything about teams.

41:56 Don't ever let your husband see that part of the show.

41:58 It's okay. There's no shame in my game. I told you. I thought the Splash Brothers was a juice endorsement. He had to learn. I did. I didn't know. Why would I know that? Like, why would I know?

42:10 You want to know who doesn't know me?

42:12 The Splash Brothers. They don't know me. They don't care about me or what I'm going on. You got to relax.

42:19 You got it.

42:19 You got to relax. Brock is teaching me. I'm learning.

42:22 And now we have football Sundays and Thursdays and sometimes Tuesdays. And college football plays on Saturdays. No, not Tuesdays.

42:29 Tuesdays and Thursdays, date days.

42:32 No, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

42:34 Not Thursdays.

42:34 There's still football on Thursdays.

42:35 I got a homegirl that's like teaching women about football so that they could conversate with men.

42:40 I hate the word conversate.

42:42 The way I'm out the way, I'm just like, you do you. I don't want no parts.

42:47 Anyway, okay.

42:47 So women that make you jump through hoops, men, they don't like you.

42:53 You heard?

42:55 Any woman that's making you go above and beyond for her, she doesn't like you. She's not interested in you. She's interested in what you could do for her. She wants to have a dating experience. She wants the gifts. She wants to be spoiled. She wants to be passenger princess, but she doesn't like you. Now, if you do those things for her and she's utterly grateful and she's like, oh my God, this is absolutely amazing. And she's calling you even when you don't do those things, she's invested.

43:17 But if she requires those things for you to date her, baby, she's just trying to see what she can get out of you. I shouldn't have said baby. I didn't even mean to say baby. I meant to say baby girl, but then baby came out and I'm like, nah, I'm married. So what I mean by that, men, is that she don't like you.

43:33 Yeah.

43:34 So I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't go for it.

43:37 I just... Yeah. Okay.

43:39 Well, we love that.

43:40 So let's talk to the young ladies now. Because it's the end all be all.

43:47 End all be all.

43:48 What do young.

43:53 What do young women.

43:55 Need to hear, just in general, to get the result that they want, which is nuclear family?

44:06 I think young women need to hear.

44:13 That it's okay to want a man. It's okay to want marriage. a nuclear family and being sexually promiscuous is one of the worst decisions you could ever make. And, you know, I was having this conversation with Brock and I don't want to make it personal, but I'm gonna make it personal.

44:38 You know, people, most people have like their wildest days in college. I never had that. And I thank God that I never had that because number one, I didn't even think I was really pretty. Until I moved to America, and then I got so much attention, I was overwhelmed by it, that I thought everyone was just trying to sleep with a Canadian girl. And I only had 14 kids in every semester in my school because I was in a conservatory, right? So I didn't have the turn-up parties like they have on movies.

45:08 I never had that.

45:09 I never had the dorm life. I lived across the street from my school.

45:13 It shows, though.

45:15 Shut up.

45:16 I know I'm a square.

45:17 Okay.

45:17 I know I'm a square, but I never, I never had like that experience. And I feel like that's the thing that a lot of women are not prepared for. It's like a free for all in college. And you just do all these things. And granted, if you don't get pregnant, at least that didn't happen, but just don't, don't be that girl that builds a reputation because Because it's something, a reputation is so hard to build and it's so easy to lose. And so I would just be mindful of the fact that, you know, keep your eye on the big goal.

45:53 What do you want?

45:54 Anything that's out of alignment with it, throw it away. It's not important. And I know that that's hard because we, especially as women, are emotional creatures and we want like what we want right now. We want to feel right now. We want to be loved right now. We want all these things right now.

46:08 Understood.

46:09 And also don't get duped. I feel like we're duped from a really young age and it sucks. And I just would want young women to know that like, it's okay to want a man. It's okay to want marriage. It's okay to want nuclear family. And it's okay to be selective. You do not have to sleep with these men in order to like, what is that proving?

46:28 It don't prove anything.

46:30 It doesn't.

46:31 Like other than now you're a notch on his belt, which means nothing to him, by the way. Because sex isn't creating any connection for him. Well, it's not creating any connection for a man. And then it does create connection for her. And that's the saddest part because that's the hardest thing to overcome. And then, you know what?

46:50 I was even having this whole, so I really shouldn't, this is why people shouldn't have podcasts. They say things they really shouldn't say. There was one guy I really liked when I was in college and I had a friend and she went to like a real college in LA, like one of the bigger colleges there. And there was, and she had a, there was like, she was in a, she was in a, what's it called?

47:10 A sorority.

47:10 She wasn't in a sorority.

47:12 He was in a fraternity. And I really liked this one guy. I was like, he's so cool. And he said these little like kickbacks at the house. And I really liked him, but I was doing me. I don't sleep with men. I'm like, oh, you're so interesting. And I'll have conversations. Do you know the other girl in our little, in our little, she slept with the guy.

47:26 Like I was like, well, the crazy part is, is that was God's protection. I can't mess with you after my girl mess with you.

47:36 Make your choice. Stand in it.

47:37 Then you try to talk to me after. Absolutely not.

47:40 I will not. And the girl, she told me she.

47:42 Was like, I have something to tell you.

47:45 It just happened. How does that just happen? they fail on.

47:48 When you swagger vicious it happens you.

47:50 Can just slip and fall on penis you didn't.

47:52 Know i didn't know i'm just hey god dog my floors have too much grip i don't know what.

47:57 That's why people don't mean to cheat because it they got too drunk and somehow grip over here grip city somehow yo somehow i'm not slipping and falling on.

48:07 It that's what i'm saying there's no way in which like how does that just happen.

48:11 I don't know But it happens all the time. It just slips in there sometimes.

48:15 I don't understand that.

48:16 I get into those accidents all the time.

48:17 I don't want nothing to do with those accidents. So anyway, I feel like little girls need to know, work on regulating your emotions. Don't let this world ruin you. And, you know, it's okay to love a man. It's okay to think that men are great. Don't let the world brainwash you because they'll try it. They will absolutely try it. Okay, so look, pause. I know you're enjoying this episode. I'll be super quick, okay? When you are on the go and you want to look cute, baby, we got merch now, okay?

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49:17 Back to the show. We're complete? We're complete. Oh, my God, guys. We made it this far.

49:24 They're now starting to see how corny I am for real, okay?

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49:48 Who is Kenny V? What's up?

49:49 Who?

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50:01 Let's go. Hey.

50:01 For sure, for sure. And if no one has told you today, you are freaking phenomenal. Bomb.com. Nothing gets happier but you. But you got to do something about it.

50:09 I love you guys.

50:11 Bye.

50:13 Peace.

50:15 What's up, guys?

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50:54 Love you guys. Sending love and light. It's Giving Podcast is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network.