Monday Moments - From Ep: Your Standards are Keeping You SINGLE!

0:00 It's your girl, Sarah Shorter, host of the It's Giving podcast. And welcome to Monday Moments. In case you've missed a juicy throwback episode, tune into this small clip right now. And you never really know what you'll get other than the real, the raw, the raggedy, and the rants. Make sure to click the link in the description below to hear the rest of the episode. Now let's get into it.

0:26 I wanted to ask, shouldn't women have standards? I feel like a lot of men get mad about women not having standards or maybe they feel like their standards are too high or is it because the men don't have the capacity to reach the high standards that women present?

0:42 No, I think that women just live in a delusion and think they're the only ones that deserve standards. I think that women don't think that men also have standards. I think that there are too many people that are not qualified asking for a job they're not qualified for. I think there are too many people trying to be a wife to a man that would not choose them.

0:59 I think there are too many women that have not done the work on themselves, and that is the standard that we need to be realistic about. Why is it that this man has to have all of these things? He has to be perfect. He has to arrive at the finish line, but you haven't even started the race.

1:15 Why is that fair?

1:15 I don't think women are looking for perfection. What? I don't think, I do not think that women are looking for perfection. I ain't never heard that theory in my life.

1:24 Period.

1:25 I'm sorry, what? I've never heard your theory in my life.

1:27 Whose theory?

1:28 Her theory or mine? Your theory. Child, I've never heard a woman say burp.

1:31 Women want the man that makes X amount of dollars, that's over six feet tall, that has a six pack. And the funniest thing is, this whole societal idea of what a good man is.

1:43 Is ridiculous.

1:45 Because nowhere in there does that talk about his character. Nowhere in that does that talk about how he's going to treat you, the type of father he's going to be, the type of husband he's going to be, the way that he's going to go through and actually repair after an argument. Like, people are focused on the wrong thing, and that's the problem. Y'all have these superficial standards and wonder why you're getting these superficial men that won't wife you.

2:05 They're not looking for something real. They're looking for something right now, and it goes back to the dating experience versus partnership in life.

2:11 So list the standards that.

2:13 That they got going on. What unrealistic standards do you believe that these women are having?

2:19 Six feet tall. Six pack.

2:22 Six inches plus.

2:24 Six figures in the bank account.

2:26 Sarah, I have to say this again. I've said this before. Yeah. You have all of those things in your husband.

2:31 I'm sorry.

2:32 Like, what? You had all of those standards. Yes.

2:36 I got lucky.

2:36 Girl, bye.

2:37 God bless me.

2:38 You know what it is?

2:39 And this goes back, and we've talked about this before, right?

2:42 It literally goes back to if you have A circle of affluent men, the odds of you ending up with an affluent man is higher. If you've never been an affluent man, been around an affluent man in your life, and you're just looking at Instagram and seeing what these affluent men do for other women, it's probably not going to happen for you.

3:05 And then on top of that, have you worked on your character?

3:08 Have you done the best with your genetic potential? Have you done the best to be nurturing, kind, and loving? Like, are you doing the things where if you are around affluent men, those affluent men would want to choose you, not because you have a great career and make money and have all these accolades, because they.

3:22 Don't care about that. They care about how do you treat them? How do they feel?

3:27 What peace can you bring? And most of these women don't have a clue how to actually be peaceful.

3:31 I ain't even going to hold you.

3:33 I heard a wife talking to her husband, like, call him on the phone. Like, she didn't even say, hello, how you doing? She was just like, you didn't answer my phone call. I called you twice and you ain't answer.

3:43 What's up with that?

3:44 I'm like, damn.

3:45 Yeah, that's not, that's not, that's not conducive. And this is the thing too, that goes back to standard. Women expect all these standards out of men and don't have any for themselves. There are certain things that should not even be on the table for you when you want a certain type of man. There's no way that a certain type of man that has every option, he's tall, he's handsome, he's rich, he's successful, he's kind, he's masculine.

4:09 Why would that man choose you? You know what I mean? Why are you smiling?

4:14 What is happening?

4:15 I'm just smiling. I can't smile.

4:17 So I'm saying, like, real talk, why would that man choose you?

4:23 Why?

4:23 And this is the thing. I feel like the more women I talk to, I don't get the answers.

4:30 Here's the thing. Women.

4:33 Men have high standards and so do women. Both men and women should both have high standards. What do you think the standards are that a man has for a woman?

4:41 What do you think? What do you think, Anissa?

4:43 What do you think are the standards that a man has for a woman?

4:47 To be peaceful. To be nurturing.

4:50 To add value to his, whatever his situation is, to be able to build and grow with him and be teachable and be submissive.

4:58 Like I would think the Proverbs 31 would be- You feel.

5:01 Like that's a crazy high standard or do you feel like that's just normal?

5:05 I think that's pretty high.

5:06 I'm not saying it's too high to unreachable.

5:08 It sounds pretty basic to me.

5:10 You think that's basic?

5:12 Being peaceful, being submissive, being someone that adds value sounds basic.

5:18 The reason why I say it's not basic is because it's so rare to find. I believe that having those standards do make you a person that has high standards. I don't think having high standards is a bad thing.

5:28 It can't be harder to find than a man that's got everything, trying to take you serious. Say that one more time.

5:36 Like a high value.

5:37 Man trying to take you serious. I don't think it's more rare than that.

5:41 I think that I personally think that when it comes to men finding good women, women don't even hit the basics. When I hear these single women talk and they're saying, well, I don't need to be soft. I'll be feminine when he's masculine. You should be feminine because you are feminine. You should be feminine because that's what you're striving to be.

6:06 You should not be hard because life has made you hard. What that says is you're not as strong as you think that you are.

6:11 Okay, so let me ask you this. Let me have a follow-up question.

6:14 How can a woman be peaceful in the eyes of a man? In your opinion as a woman, how does a woman achieve a peaceful nature?

6:22 Stop trying to control everything.

6:24 That's number one. Women try to control life. They try to control their man. They try to control their kids, especially in our community. We think we know all the answers and we don't. And then I think that that brings me to number two. When you are stalemated, because being a married woman and having a husband that is very masculine and knows exactly what he wants to do, even if I see it differently than he sees it, My job is not to argue him down. My job is not to say, you're wrong, you're stupid, you're doing it wrong. My job is not to say, oh.

6:52 You gonna learn. I'll wait till I tell you I told you so.

6:55 My job is to go to God and for me to pray, to be in alignment, to make sure that he is covering my husband, he is ordering my husband's steps, he is doing everything that he needs to do to be his best version for God and for me to release and relinquish the things that make me think that I have control over a whole other human. My job is to, the peace comes from, I'm not going to nag you. You passionately feel how you feel. My job is to go get some girlfriends or have a mother or have a best friend or have a therapist or have a priest that you can get it all off your chest on so you can go home to your husband without being a nagging jerk, without being a loud cop from the side of your neck.

7:34 I'm about to disrespect you. That's the problem. Women don't know how to regulate their emotions. They don't. Too many of them.

7:42 And let me tell you, just because they don't know how to do it doesn't mean that they're not doing this easy thing.

7:47 It's hard to be regulated. There are some times.

7:52 Where I have, even in my marriage, there have been times where I'm like, ooh, in my mind, I am cursing you over and over. But out of respect for you, I would never let those words come out of my mouth.

8:03 I can't.

8:04 Because you can't come back from certain things. It's not on the table. That's what peace is. Taking off the things that create destruction. And getting better at it.

8:14 Because if you started and all you know is destruction, but you're getting better at eliminating destruction and leaning in towards peace, then you know you're getting better.

8:22 That's growth.

8:23 That's progress.

8:23 We should be proud of that.

8:25 But for me, peace looks like stop nagging.

8:28 Stop thinking you know everything.

8:29 You don't. You don't know. You don't have a clue. You don't have a clue.

8:32 And the fact that you think that you do is really the problem. That's a bigger problem than most of it.

8:39 You're complete? Because I got a question. Yeah, okay, yeah, go ahead with the next question.

8:45 Okay, rest178 said, why do men just seem like they don't know what they want? They are such casual daters compared to women. Husband material is so hard to find these days. Why do men seem like they don't? I think men know exactly what they want.

8:59 I'm going back to, I just don't think they're safe spaces.

9:02 Like, we want vulnerable men. We want men to want you and raise you and be there providing all, but there's no safe space. Like, you hunger gaming them. They're in warrior mode. And you got the other girls that are hoeing on them, like nine out of 10 times, you got to protect themselves. Yeah.

9:17 But I feel like there's a difference between protecting yourself as in using discernment and protecting your heart from what could be good. I think that men know that they want a good woman, but I also think that it's timing for a man. I think a lot of the times men might have exactly what they want around them, but they're not ready to sow their oats. They're not ready to be finished with what's easy. They're not ready to lock into something that could be great for them.

9:44 And oftentimes it's that one woman that a man fumbled combined with the timing of him ready to take something serious, that he will choose the nearest.

9:52 Woman that's around him.

9:53 Has nothing to do with the woman a lot of times because there's a lot of good women.

9:57 To choose from.

9:58 And that's why I'm saying, even for me, I think I'm an exceptional woman. I think I am an exceptional wife. I think I do my absolute best. And also it was timing.

10:08 For Brock and I.

10:10 Had we not been on the right type of time, it wouldn't have mattered. Two years we were friends. And it wasn't the right time, so it never happened. So it's not even to say that one woman is more special than the other. It's firstly, what are you in proximity to? Do you have power over your proximity or does your proximity have power over you? If you're surrounded by bums and prostitutes, odds are you're going to date a bum or a prostitute. If you're surrounded by go-getters and people that are spiritually inclined, and financially successful, and mentally and emotionally sound, you're probably going to date one of those people, male or female. So what, where, and how are you getting around the people that you would

10:49 actually even be interested in dating? So I don't think it's that men don't know what they want. I think it's that men know exactly what they want. It's just not the right time. That's what I think. It's Giving Podcast is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network.