I ACCIDENTALLY saw my boyfriend's scars, and he threatened to end our relationship! | Reddit Stories | EP3076

0:00 Hey, this is Dakota.

0:01 And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host. And we got some great stories coming up.

0:05 But before that, we have a quick two minute break from the sponsors that keep this show alive.

0:10 I accidentally saw my boyfriend's scars and he threatened to end our relationship.

0:16 Sometimes the scars, they go deep.

0:19 Trigger warning, mentions of death and scars. My 23 male boyfriend's 24 male house burned down when he was younger after electrical issues were never disclosed to his parents. Yeah, what would that be? Like he had a taser that he liked to play with at night? He and his father were severely burned. They lived, but his mother passed away.

0:41 He and I met in freshman year and became best friends in sophomore year. I've never seen his scars in good full view until now. Only small glimpses of his shirt rode up and he'll fix it quickly. To cover himself. He's always hidden his scars. Constantly wearing jeans and long sleeve shirts. Even if it's super hot outside. His scars start from the bottom half of his ribs. To just above his knees. So this is the only way he can cover them. He even brings his pajamas into the bathroom to change into. He's done this ever since I've known him. Even after we've been intimate. Which is when we do it in the dark. which doesn't bother me because I know this is what makes him comfortable, he'll immediately get changed back into his clothes before we cuddle

1:31 or do anything else. Is this guy the Phantom of the opera?

1:35 Oh, I thought you were talking about the Venture Brothers for a second. Yeah, does he sing? Does he dance? Does he have a cool mask?

1:43 Is he working on a project? I mean... Is he writing something?

1:47 I think maybe what we need to do for this guy is.

1:52 I'm an opera.

1:53 Just really commit and you should get some scars.

1:58 No, don't do that. I know he is ashamed of his scars. And when we were friends, I was fiercely protective and always changed the subject if his scars got brought up, which he always thanked me for. I have never and would never ask or pressure him to show me. I don't judge his scars or think they're ugly. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Gay Roommates. If you want to smear old stories, go to the r slash okstorytime subreddit. I'm Riley.

2:25 I'm Dakota.

2:26 I'm Keon.

2:27 And we're going to read about these gay roommate lovers. And if you have any thoughts on that, please let us know because we're not experts in gay roommate lovers unless Keon and Dakota have anything to say.

2:38 I love you.

2:39 I would be, but the fire stuff really makes me not an expert.

2:42 So, Opie says, I thought he knew I wouldn't judge him because some of his dad's burn scars are impossible to cover up. One of them is covering half his face. Never once have I judged or even thought his dad's scars were disturbing. He's a very handsome man. They both are, which is why I'm so confused by his reaction and accusations.

3:04 I work weird hours. I'm a nurse, so sometimes I come home at 9 a.m., sometimes 5 p.m., sometimes the butt crack of dawn. I went to immediately take a shower. I was in an airplane mode and was completely exhausted. I opened the bathroom door. and he was getting changed. I saw his scars. I'll admit, I stared, not because I thought they were gross, but because I was having an oh crap moment knowing I messed up. Well, at least you didn't go like, oh God. Or go like, ew.

3:36 That would have been terrible. Oh. Yeah, but again, OP's on airplane mode. Can you imagine being a nurse, having a long day of work, and you're just like, I just want to take a shower.

3:46 Nope.

3:47 You can't even comprehend how hard that work would be.

3:49 The horrors they go through, yeah.

3:52 And if OP's the worst, like Fred Skull says, and OP's a nurse, you know he's seen way worse. Maybe not way worse, but he's been around the human body.

4:03 OP's seen some things that we've never seen.

4:05 You guys are already bumping it, you know? What more can you say?

4:10 It was an accident. He and I have been dating for almost a year. I had to move into his place a while ago after my parents went no contact and cut me off after I came out and told them I was dating him. Long story short, toxic, Bible-thumping parents. So I'm not used to sharing an apartment with someone.

4:29 He blew up at me, yelling at me to get out. No, he has never yelled at me before this. Sure, we got into spats and small fights where he raised his voice, but he never full-on yelled. I shut the door and he went quiet. I was pacing in the kitchen for almost 20 to 30 minutes when he quickly walked past me trying to leave and I stomped him. He was pissed.

4:50 He was yelling at me that he thought I knew I would know to knock by now and questioning if I did it on purpose. I was trying to explain while trying not to cry because I saw how red his eyes were and I knew he had been crying. I couldn't say anything, just made incomprehensible sobs as I tried to explain But he wouldn't listen and left without saying where he was going. Hmm. Yeah. Hmm. I think he's going to the club.

5:20 He's going to the club because there ain't no crying in the club.

5:23 Can't cry in the club. Where else can you not cry?

5:25 In the club, we all fam and we do not cry.

5:27 Or he's going to go play baseball. Could play baseball.

5:29 Yeah.

5:30 There's no crying in baseball.

5:31 There is no crying in baseball, Tom Hanks. Maybe he's going to a therapist.

5:35 Yeah.

5:36 That would be the best thing he could go do right now.

5:40 A therapist. Yeah. A nice, healthy walk.

5:43 Like, in the nicest way possible, brother, nobody cares about your scars.

5:47 Nobody. People will think about it for one second.

5:50 And then they will move on with their lives and not think about it.

5:53 Well, it's layered, though. Because the way he got those scars, his mother passed. And there's, like, deep, deep self-roots. Probably, like, guilt that he couldn't do anything. Yeah, I know. There's a lot of untangled mess under there.

6:04 He's got to go to therapy for them scars. But if you've got a boyfriend of a year and it's like.

6:09 I mean, that's... Yeah, I feel like they should be talked about now.

6:13 Yeah. Because, Opie, you love him. Hopefully that's said.

6:16 I don't know.

6:17 Opie continues, I'm heartbroken. He texted me an hour ago with a single message of, I'm not coming home. Tomorrow we can talk about a relationship. I immediately messaged him back asking what that meant and spent several minutes watching that little text bubble bop in and out before he texted... Whether we should stay together? As if it was obvious.

6:39 I have no idea what to do. He's my boyfriend. My best friend of eight years. I love him and I can't imagine life without him. His dad is like a father to me. How do I make this up to him? How do I let him know that I'm sorry and never meant to make him uncomfortable? We have an edit.

6:55 You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, I get it. He has scars and it's very traumatic and he went through something very, very life-altering, but You didn't do anything, OP. And if anything, you were one of the closest people to him and there for him. He obviously needs therapy, but you didn't do anything malicious or make fun of it, or you just saw his scars. You did nothing wrong.

7:19 Yeah, I think I'd just be like, we can just break up, actually. I know it sucks, but it's like... After eight years?

7:25 Yeah. Really?

7:26 Yes.

7:27 Really?

7:27 Well, no, they haven't been dating for eight years.

7:29 They've been friends for eight years, dating for a year.

7:33 I think at this point, you just got to go, look, man, if that's your reaction to this, clearly it's a super huge deal to you. But you can't just expect me to eat that and go, oh, no, I'm so sorry. I did wrong.

7:48 I was so bad.

7:48 I was so wrong. Just a complete accident. And if me just seeing you as your partner is going to lead to this, I'm leaving, I'm not coming back home, it's like, you're not ready. You're not ready to have a partner like this.

8:02 I disagree, though. And he'll come back.

8:05 Once you say that, you go, fine, if you want to leave me because I've seen your scars, which, by the way, don't care about, you can do that. I'll be here for a little bit. Maybe if you change your mind fast enough, I'll still be here.

8:16 I disagree with that because I think your partner really needs you in this moment, and the best thing For him to do since he was young is just push people away. And you need to be a rock and to be there and have a serious conversation of we're good friends. We're going to be throughout this. I think we should see a professional.

8:31 Yeah, no, you should. You 100% should tell him, like, I think you definitely need to see therapy for this.

8:36 I think it would be a benefit for you. Yeah. 100%. We have an edit. A Redditor brought up a good point that made me think I should specify. He was bullied for his scars. A huge bully from his middle school always sniffed the air when he entered a class and said really loudly, ew, you guys smell that? Smell like bacon's burning. Every time he entered a room, then left. Ah, what?

9:01 That's messed up.

9:03 Yeah, so I don't know what kind of role models he had in his life, but if that's my kid, I'm.

9:08 Like, you go ahead and beat the hell out of that guy.

9:09 I got your back. Whatever happens, I got your back. You can go ahead and sock that man in his mouth.

9:15 Also, in small glances, a lot of our guy friends would say how cool it is looks like Deadpool skin. They were trying to be nice but failed horribly. Hence my fierce protectiveness over anyone bringing it up. And his family always emphasized that it doesn't matter what he looked like on the outside because he was beautiful on the inside.

9:36 He also mentioned having a really bad ex-girlfriend who had issues with scars in the past but never went too deep into it. and I'm starting to wonder if that's what his overreaction and suggestion of a breakup was rooted in. I'm taking mental notes on all the comments on what's the best way to approach this, and they're really helping.

9:56 Thank you.

9:57 Okay, so that's a lot of information. of what this guy went through.

10:02 I don't know.

10:02 I haven't changed my mind. I'm still not your high school bully. I've copulated with you.

10:08 Yeah, I see your point, Dakota. The best way to overcome this, I think, is just to be met with love and that unconditional, I'm always going to be here. I don't think that'll work. And doing that for an amount of time, if you're always there, you can show up in different ways. I think that's what Opie's done the whole time. If over time it's just not working, you can step back. But after the eight years of their friendship, he's never yelled at him once. Opie's partner is going through something traumatic, and I think this is the threshold of them making it to the other side if he's persistent in it.

10:40 Well, yeah, you have two roads, the spooky tree road and the sunshine happy road. I just think if this guy gets the cold water of like, oh yeah, yeah, sure, we won't continue our relationship. And it's not because of your scars, by the way. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the way you've just reacted right now.

10:55 He's already pushed someone away before, his ex-girlfriend. He's already done that. What's going to stop him from doing it again? Did he? He did. I mean, they broke up. Yeah, that doesn't mean he pushed her away. We don't know the details of it, but I'm assuming.

11:07 But, like, this might be the shock of, like, oh, like, if I, okay, this guy's totally willing to leave me right now. If I continue to just, like, put my scars ahead of all other, like, number one priority is nobody can ever see these.

11:22 And if I keep doing that, it's going to ruin this. So you have two choices.

11:26 You either come back and talk to me about it or we break up.

11:30 Sofa King Sarcastic says, remind him you're a nurse. Thus, it's no big deal, and you're not going anywhere because of this. And Mary Pendulum, heart full of gold. We got an update. Put your predictions in, and do they stay together or not?

11:45 No.

11:46 And if you want to put a cherry on top, who's the one that initiates the break? Probably not OP. How much money are you putting on this? I got this tennis ball. That goes for a market price of 50 cents.

11:55 It still smells kind of new.

11:57 Oh, that's 60 cents. All right. See if Dakota will double up. Update. A lot of your comments were very helpful, but I didn't get to reply to some, but I read them. Most of them were along the lines of get him to therapy and make sure he knows his scars aren't an issue for me, as well as setting up a place to stay in the worst case scenario that he kicked me out. Spoiler alert, that didn't happen.

12:20 I didn't sleep a lot last night. And based on some comments, I decided to send a text that I love him and his scars don't bother me so that it could relieve some tension. He didn't respond to that, but he came back in the morning. We talked for hours. It started with me apologizing for walking in on him, and I didn't mean to. He admitted that he knew that and apologized for yelling.

12:43 Okay, good starts.

12:45 Good starts.

12:45 We're on good starts.

12:47 I think he came to terms. I think he was just all emotion, all talk.

12:51 Good to walk away. He took that nice walk.

12:53 Took a long walk, took a deep breath, and went, Oh no.

12:58 I suggested we get locks on the doors and he seemed pretty happy about that. To clear the air, I asked him about the whether we should stay together text and if it was rooted in his ex-girlfriend. Basically asking if she broke up with him over that. He admitted that he thought she didn't mind his scars and took his shirt off in front of her. She decided to gasp and start making a big deal about how he cheated her. and that he made it seem like the scars weren't that bad, and she broke up with him.

13:28 Dude, what town do you guys live in?

13:30 If you don't look normal, you can't fit in. It's kind of Stephen King type neighborhood. Or The Giver, that whole universe where the children that look a little odd go into the forest. What was that second book called? I just know Jeff Bridges was in the movie. The Taker. Is that, no, it's not called, is it called The Taker?

13:49 No.

13:49 Stop. The Taker. You guys know what I'm talking about? That's kind of the basis of the second and third book. I have zero. So you have The Giver, and then you have the second book that the guy made, where that town's perfect, everyone's beautiful, everyone's great, but then across the forest.

14:03 Brave new world.

14:04 Yeah, and there's no colors. Everything is just like gray scale. That's The Giver.

14:08 Yeah. That's the first one. But the second book kind of talks a little bit more about. What's that second book called?

14:13 Is it Gathering Blue?

14:14 Gathering Blue?

14:15 Yep.

14:15 Or the Give Requirements. I don't know.

14:17 I need to read those books.

14:18 It is Gathering Blue.

14:19 Did you see the movie? I saw the movie. Great book.

14:22 And then Messenger and then Sun.

14:24 It's probably Messenger. So, very niche. Apologies. He said he knew it wasn't an excuse, but his brain immediately went to that and he freaked out. I asked if he wanted to break up and was trying to find an excuse. And he quickly said no, specifying that he was just trying to give me an out if I wanted. When I tell you, I was relieved. He asked if I wasn't disgusted, why I stared, and I said that I had an oh crap moment of panicking knowing I messed up.

14:54 He felt awful and apologized for making me feel so uncomfortable in our home. Every time he says our home, I have a serotonin high and said that he tried to work on being more comfortable with his scars. That's when I suggested therapy. How do you think he responded? Good.

15:11 Right, we gotta know now this is the time that we know to go to therapy, right?

15:17 At 23, right?

15:17 We start watching Avatar, the last airbender, and we go, no, that's not it. We go, so close.

15:24 It's gonna be worth it.

15:25 This guy.

15:27 Oh, ew, gross.

15:31 It's Zuko. We look at Zuko. Zuko here.

15:34 Oh, God, why is half of him bad?

15:36 Oh, oh.

15:38 You know, I think, because clearly I was joking about that, but I think this guy does need some reps, you know? He needs some practice reps of someone being like, oh, disgusting!

15:49 And then just being like, nice. Not right now.

15:51 Thank you for your input.

15:53 Maybe in the future, but let's tackle this obstacle first and then get to that obstacle.

15:58 I mean, yeah, I'm not saying like right now.

16:00 I'm saying like, yeah, you're going to have to get a thick skin, you know?

16:05 I don't know if that's the approach at this moment or... And that's okay. But I will say at 23, I didn't realize therapy was an option until someone mentioned it. They're both pretty young. He instantly got defensive, saying that he already had therapy and it didn't work very well. I pointed out that the way he wants us to live isn't healthy and that we can have locks and a knock before entering policy. But him expecting me to never see him undressed was unfair to both of us.

16:33 That it was his insecurities getting worse and me enabling it. He was dismissive of these points, saying how it wouldn't change things, and that it didn't work the first time, so why would it work now? I pointed out how he almost threw out a nine-year relationship over me accidentally walking in on him. He tried to say that locks would help stop that from happening again, and I said it might, but I don't want you walking on eggshells either.

17:00 I want you to be comfortable with me. I want you to trust me. He begrudgingly agreed to talk to his dad about what therapist he went to and going to see them.

17:10 Hey, don't do that. Go see a different one. The first one didn't work.

17:13 I'm going to text his dad just to make sure he does this in a few days. I also repeated a suggestion that other people made about getting tattoos or going to couples counseling. And he just stared. He asked something along the lines of, why do you care about seeing my scars so much? You didn't care before. not mean or aggressive, just genuine confusion. I kind of laughed awkwardly and said, I thought that you would show me on your own when you were ready, but I don't know about that anymore. Baby, I love you, but I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your scars from me, nor do I want you to worry about me breaking up with you overseeing your scars.

17:51 I love all of you, including your scars. Aww.

17:55 Aww.

17:56 It's getting real. This is the real part of the hallmark. This is a hallmark, dude. That's a hallmarker, dude. Oh, man.

18:02 Stamp it.

18:03 Send it off. It'll be on TV in a week. Yes. Oh, my gosh. This holiday. This holiday season. He's two. A boy.

18:10 Boy.

18:11 And another.

18:12 A boy.

18:12 And another boy. Who are roommates. Wrecking with the scars of his past. And they're bad. But it's all good. Because he's a nurse from a big city. Mm-hmm. And he's a boy from a small town. This holiday season.

18:27 Two men in love with each other and one has burns.

18:30 The movie.

18:31 No, I was going to say Healing Scars.

18:33 And that's why we hired him to make the title. Yeah, then it has a colon, and it says Healing Scars. What? It has a colon.

18:42 It's two men in love with each other and one of them has burn scars.

18:48 The movie, colon Healing Scars. You should have just named it Healing Scars. What the hell?

18:54 The Hallmark audience.

18:55 Loves a long title. They love a long title. They love a good descriptive title. Yeah. Yeah, man. There we go.

19:02 They like knowing exactly what's up.

19:04 Mary Pennington says, horses are good therapy. All right. I can neither confirm nor deny this. Opie says, he started crying. It wasn't the first time in the conversation. Tons of tears shed on both ends, and I comforted him. He said he didn't want me to be stressed out in our home and that he was sorry. He was a lot more open to couples counseling than personal therapy, which was a half win that I'll take for now. We talked about our future some more, and I asked if he ever thought that he'd be comfortable with me seeing his scars. He said that he wants to show me, but he's not ready yet. I was happy to accept that, especially since he's agreed to couples counseling and therapy. I am so proud of him, and I'm instantly proud of you. Yeah.

19:49 We win. be proud of you.

19:51 You tell us about it, we will find you.

19:54 And rate us on Spotify or whatever podcast platform. That'll help us. Give us five stars only. Opie says, we got dinner and slept, which we both really needed. And as of today, I'm doing research on couples counseling programs. while he went to work. Beautiful.

20:12 Yeah.

20:14 Beautiful. We got a little bit left. I like this.

20:17 I still wish you would have been a little more like, dude, wake up. You can't let these control you for the rest of your life. You need to go to therapy.

20:24 Sometimes you can't do negative and negative.

20:26 Yeah, yeah. If you did that, then he would have automatically accepted it and then just pushed OP away. What he needed is to be constant, that constant rock in this emotional turmoil to And this is where it ended up.

20:38 That's what everyone else did.

20:39 Yeah, but they're just going to couples counseling.

20:41 That's okay.

20:41 That's a good step. Is that not enough for you?

20:44 He needs therapy to get his own stuff sorted with.

20:47 He's getting there.

20:48 With OP. He was totally against couples counseling until OP talked with him. And then they made a win to go to couples counseling together. And he's going to talk to his dad. Baby steps, bro. I'd just be like, dude, I've known you for nine years.

21:01 I'm your ride. I'm your ride or not ride. I'm your ride or in the ground. Type kind of guy.

21:07 So, we've been dating for a year. I see your scars.

21:10 Great.

21:11 No big deal.

21:11 Doesn't matter. But you're going to like end everything with us over that? That's messed up. You need to fix this yesterday because I love you. Not because I'm like... Whoa, that was so unfair to me. It's unfair to you.

21:22 That's a hard love. Sometimes you can't do a hard love.

21:24 That's tough love. And he's been tough on himself for a long time. I think he just needed to be met with... Yeah, but it's like on the other side of it.

21:32 He's being tough on himself where he's like, I'm gross. I'm gross and I can't let anyone see. It's like, nah, dude, you're gross and it's fine.

21:39 Have you not seen Phantom of the Menace or Igor? Phantom of the Menace. Menace of the Phantom.

21:44 Phantom of the Opera?

21:45 That one. That one.

21:47 The Phantom Menace is Star Wars.

21:49 Ice Windows from Phantom Menace Opera. Dang it. Phantom of the Opera or The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

21:56 Yeah.

21:56 Both of those fellas were met with gentle, unconditional love and look how the movies ended. One was a little better than the other, but.

22:04 We're talking about the Disney one or the real one because the real one for the Hunchback was pretty bad.

22:10 Yeah, I think the real one doesn't get like, you know.

22:12 You know what? Let's just stick with the Disney one. That one's happy.

22:15 The Disney one. Remake. I just remember that lady. I don't know, man.

22:19 You know what?

22:19 Hot take.

22:20 Maybe if they had done what I was doing to them, maybe if they had given him some cold water tough love, the movie never happens because he's like, dude, I'm a hunchback and I'm killing it.

22:30 I'm sick. I got gargoyle friends.

22:32 Maybe. I got a hot Romani woman who's hanging out with me.

22:36 Yeah, I'm a hunchback. Suck it. All right. Which approach would you guys take? Dakota's or Ryguy's and Keon's? Long story short, we are getting... on a better path with a plan for the future where I can see his scars. I won't be showing him this post because quite a few comments were pretty rough on him and he doesn't deserve to read that for having a reasonable breakdown. Lord knows that man has dealt with plenty of my breakdowns.

23:04 Thank you everyone for the suggestion and support. Great story. Beautiful. Beautiful. You'll see that in the holidays. Beautiful. Made by OK Productions. This holiday season.

23:16 Your favorite couple is back with healing the scars that burned you for nine years. Three. We're in therapy now. Colon.

23:27 It's nice. It's getting hot in there. And that's, yeah. And then it becomes a new Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Scars of Grey.

23:36 My husband threatened divorce over where I sleep.

23:41 You sleep here. Beside me.

23:43 My husband and I have a 10-month-old baby. Let me guess, that baby's going to ruin your marriage. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom, and he works full-time. We've been together for nine years and married for three. The biggest issue in our marriage right now is sleep.

23:58 I bet.

23:59 Everyone needs it. Everyone loves it.

24:01 My husband snores and has sleep apnea.

24:06 Ooh.

24:06 For years, I tried sleeping next to him anyway. I tried earplugs. More than 20 kinds of earplugs, actually. Sound machines, putting pillows over my head, and so on. Did you try putting one over his head?

24:17 That would stop it.

24:18 This has been an issue for many years, and he kept promising to fix his snoring. He has a CPAP, but won't practice wearing it during the day to get used to it and only tolerates it for about an hour at night before.

24:29 Taking it off.

24:30 Oh.

24:31 I don't get that, dude.

24:33 Like, once you realize you have the thing that makes you just stop breathing in your sleep, why don't understand how you could be like, I don't know, but the.

24:41 Machine is inconvenient. Yeah.

24:44 Crap you not. We read a story yesterday where Opie was wearing a CPAP machine and her boyfriend was like, I'm not attracted to you anymore.

24:52 And we went, what?

24:54 We went, huh? So maybe, maybe, maybe give him the benefit of the doubt. He's like, maybe, maybe Opie won't think I'm attractive anymore.

25:02 Yeah. Oh, my CPAP gives her the ick.

25:05 But the snoring is pretty attractive.

25:06 That is a tough one.

25:08 Getting no sleep, pretty attractive.

25:10 My grandpa snores and I did not enjoy sleeping in the house with him.

25:13 I can't handle it. If somebody snores, it's like the worst, the worst experience. Cause then you get that.

25:18 Brief pause where you're like, Oh my God, it's finally over.

25:21 Thank you. And then it just rips back in just, and you're like.

25:25 Oh God, I just want to go to sleep.

25:30 After having a baby, I finally reached a point where I could not sacrifice sleep anymore. Between being woken up by the baby and then by snoring in between the baby's night wakes, my physical and mental health bottomed out. I now sleep in another room so I can function during the day and care for our son. By the way, this comes from C Fondant 362.

25:51 If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Dakota. I'm Riley.

25:56 I'm Keon.

25:57 And we're going to read this story and we're going to have our thoughts and advice, but we don't know all.

26:01 The stuff all the time.

26:03 We only know what we know, so let us know what you know down in the comments, okay? OP says, My husband says sleeping separately makes him feel rejected and disconnected. I have tried to reassure him that this is not a rejection and that I love him. I'm only sleeping separately because I need sleep. I have offered to spend time in bed together before sleeping to cuddle and connect in other ways and to work on the marriage. But he says that if separate sleep becomes permanent, He won't be able to maintain affection or connection because it would feel fake to him.

26:37 Then I go, hey, bucko, I'm not getting sleep because of you.

26:40 Yeah, that's his responsibility at that point.

26:44 Are you pointing the finger to me because I want sleep?

26:48 I'm pretty sure you could put something over his head that muffles his sounds. Or put him in a box. Yeah. Put his head in a box.

26:55 I'm so... I'm so, I so desperately need to unpack this guy's perspective. If you're not sleeping in the same bed as me, even though we just had a child.

27:07 Yeah. Sounds like a mediator is needed as well. Yeah, you know what the mediator is?

27:11 A CPAP machine.

27:12 Yeah, here's what I think you say. I think you say, I can't sleep next to a freight train in the middle of the night. That's what you sound like, choo-choo man. So unless you get some hostage tape and tape up that mouth you are guzzling down air with during the middle of the night, I don't know if I can stay either.

27:29 How about that?

27:30 I would do a fun test here. I'd be like, you know what? Let's do a fun science experiment. I'm going to have really loud pans just start banging away throughout the entire night. How does that sound?

27:40 Also, my next question, does he help with the baby? Katie has a good thought there. Can we tell him to ask his doctor about... Inspire implant for his sleep apnea. I hear that's more effective than CPAP. Ask your doctor about the Inspire implant for CPAP apnea.

27:58 Side effects may cause nausea, divorce, hating your husband, I don't know.

28:02 Use it at your own risk. Yeah, right, that's funny. You just sponsor them. I just had to say it in that voice. Ask your doctor about giving me $ 5. I'll keep him away.

28:14 The part I'm struggling with is that he says the marriage and family will fall apart over this, yet he hasn't consistently followed through on the things that could fix the snoring. He barely wears the CPAP and won't practice using it during.

28:28 The day to get used to it.

28:30 He refuses a jaw device, though he has talked about getting a custom one for several years without following through. He refuses a wedge pillow. No strips don't work. He says everything is uncomfortable and that he can't sleep with those things. Oh, when you do a baby, you know, it probably felt pretty uncomfortable to start walking when you were a little tiny infant.

28:51 Oh, you can't sleep with those things? Guess what? I can't sleep with you next to me.

28:54 Van Campinator, record him in his sleep and have him listen to it. That's pretty smart.

28:58 I did this.

28:59 You know what? Better yet, every time he wakes you up in your sleep, just shake him.

29:03 Let's go.

29:04 You woke me up.

29:05 Our friend now has sleep apnea, Nick. His girlfriend... Well, he didn't know about it until his girlfriend told him about it.

29:10 Wow.

29:11 That's so scary.

29:12 He was my roommate in college. He didn't have it. I found out in Japan. And we went, when did that occur? He's like, I think it's new.

29:19 That's hilarious.

29:20 Yeah. And he's like, yeah, my girlfriend will... hit me to wake me up and push me to my side because it's that bad. Yeah. He's a CPAP machine now. But it is bad.

29:31 Shoo.

29:32 Literally, honk, shoo.

29:33 Mm-hmm. You know, if survival of the fittest was a thing, people that snored... Gun. in a CPAP machine.

29:40 done for yeah I gotta imagine like that was never a thing you know this is like way back in the primal.

29:45 Days you get eaten by a bobcat yeah.

29:48 I don't yeah cause people were so small back then people we were so we've gotten so much bigger as time.

29:52 Has gone on a giant hawk is taking him away.

29:55 The bobcat yeah like a mountain lion.

29:58 Bobcats are like.

29:59 Sabretooth cat.

29:59 A loaf of bread.

30:00 Sabretooth.

30:01 Mountain lion. Bobcats are pretty... They're like coyote size. Nah, they're smaller than that.

30:06 Probably not by much, but they're smaller than coyotes.

30:09 But a bobcat's still gonna eat anything. Bobcat couldn't eat... It could maybe take out a person. Yeah.

30:14 I think you're thinking about mountain lion. I think you're thinking about mountain lion.

30:17 Well, they're still gonna eat you.

30:18 There's like... A bobcat's not bigger than a Maine Coon. Okay, go ahead and just keep But now I'm tripping out.

30:25 Now I'm like, am I wrong? Oh, my gosh.

30:28 Men. Adult bobcats weigh between 15 to 35 pounds and measure about 28 to 49 inches in total length.

30:34 49 inches. That's crazy.

30:36 Four foot long bobcat.

30:37 Yeah, they're still taking out. They're still hunting.

30:40 Oh, my days.

30:41 Anyways.

30:42 Yeah, I mean, we were so small back then we could get taken out by a bobcat. Anyway. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here. And we're going to get back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. He has suggested that I should compromise by sleeping in the bed with him several nights a week, even if that means no sleep for me. He recently told me that if I will not compromise and sleep in the bed with him four nights.

31:06 A week, he would like a divorce.

31:08 That doesn't make any sense.

31:10 Yeah, I'm immediately hearing that and going.

31:12 All right, let's peel back the layer on that lasagna. Let's get into the meat of this.

31:18 What the hell are you talking about? Are you cheating on me?

31:21 What's going on?

31:22 You can't handle the baby?

31:24 What's happening?

31:25 You afraid?

31:25 You scared? What are you doing?

31:27 Because I know it's not because your bum ass is snoring all night and I can't sleep that you want to divorce me.

31:32 That's crazy. Mediator.

31:36 Yeah, you've been given a half dozen solutions to this problem as well. And instead of having any one of them being used... Your solution is to divorce me.

31:44 Yeah, his real thing is he's not willing to compromise.

31:47 His compromise was, you have to sleep in my bed seven days a week.

31:50 I don't think he understands the importance of sleep. Until he goes without it, he won't understand how important it is.

31:55 And that's what I'm saying. Get the pans ready. Just one night of going, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. Okay, he waits 10 seconds.

32:02 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

32:03 Yeah, good point. This freaking guy. Just wake him up every time he wakes you up.

32:08 And he goes, I didn't get enough sleep last night.

32:11 This shocked me.

32:12 Because he has always said divorce would never be an option unless I did something extreme, like cheating.

32:18 Well, this is one step below that.

32:19 I gave up income and career stability to stay home with our babies, so hearing him put divorce on the table over this has made me feel physically sick.

32:27 It's the only way to stay healthy, guys. I'm going to read between the lines here. Mm-hmm. Feel free. I'm pretty sure these people are Christians because he values tradition, like family tradition, because one, she's a stay-at-home mom. I'm doing a lot of assumptions here. One, she is a stay-at-home mother. And then two, he values the wife being near him like this. I think he needs a mediator and talk to a pastor and like really see another perspective because her saying it, he doesn't respect her opinion enough to actually hear her or follow through with any solutions.

32:57 I don't know, man. I don't know how you did it for OP for seven, seven years.

33:02 Yeah.

33:03 Let alone a week, a week of sleeping next to someone who's like, there are solutions. I don't feel like it.

33:10 Yeah. Um, Kim Phi makes a great point. It's so crazy that I'm getting divorced is also totally reliant on OP doing something and not him.

33:20 Yeah, it's backwards. This isn't love.

33:22 Yeah.

33:23 Yeah, man.

33:24 I think I'd go sick.

33:26 Noted. Let's do a fun little experiment. All right. I'll sleep in the bed next to you.

33:32 And you will be and you will get to sleep exactly the way I do.

33:35 Deal or no deal?

33:37 Compromise. Every time you snore, I hit you really hard.

33:40 Oh, he continues. I am not against sleeping in the same bed, but I am against being repeatedly woken up by snoring and then being expected to function as the primary caregiver the next day.

33:52 I feel like I'm.

33:53 Being asked to prove my commitment by sacrificing a basic biological need while he is not doing everything he can to treat the snoring. We're starting couples therapy and I am also in individual therapy. I know this is bigger than Reddit, but I'm looking for a reality check. Has anyone dealt with a spouse who experiences separate sleep as abandonment or rejection and makes the marriage conditional on it?

34:15 Did therapy help, or was this an ultimatum?

34:19 He seems to have some sort of resentment towards you that he hasn't spoken, and that's why he's bringing this up in such a way. There's a lot in this onion.

34:27 Yeah, I bet you this guy's just got unpacked childhood trauma where it's like he wanted to sleep in his mom's bed at some point and then his mom.

34:33 Was like, you can't do that. You're too old.

34:36 I'm not taking, I'm not, you're disgusting.

34:39 You're 24. And that spun around in his head and now he's like, if.

34:44 Anyone doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as me, they're abandoning me.

34:47 Whoa, that's deep. That's deep.

34:49 Yeah, it shouldn't be this, and it shouldn't be, to be clear, it shouldn't be this deep at all. You're like, I need to sleep. I take care of our child all day. I need to be able to sleep.

34:59 I'm losing my mind. Yeah, there's not an update, is there, on this one?

35:03 I can check.

35:03 He's like... So sad.

35:04 He's like, oh, no, but then I have to wear my Darth Vader mask at night.

35:09 Oh, no, I have to wear my Darth Vader mask. I don't know why this guy isn't stepping up. It's crazy. He probably already feels like he's the provider and he's doing enough already. Thus, he's exempt from making any sort of compromise and that OP should do whatever. And someone said... Yeah, I'm... the husband views Opie as a possession.

35:28 Also just extra dumb to not want to fix the problem of you cease breathing in the middle.

35:33 Of the night with no control over it.

35:36 You can just never wake up from that, actually. It's rare, but that can happen.

35:44 If that's how he's handling this, I can only imagine how he's handling other aspects.

35:48 Of his life. We do have a slight update. It's just in the comments.

35:51 What you got?

35:52 Opie says, well... Someone asked, hey, are you okay? Do you have an update on your situation? I truly hope you're safe. That man seems like a menace. And Opie says, thank you. I am definitely safe. The update is his stance is slightly softened, but still not great. Working on solutions. The ramp pillow has greatly helped, but not enough to fully stop the snoring. I'm waiting on Oslo sleep buds to arrive. I'm going to continue doing what I need to do to take care of my health. And if he allows it to be the hill he passes on, so be it, I guess. Sleep is a non-negotiable, especially as a mom to an increasingly active toddler. So it looks like he's still not doing anything, really.

36:31 Good luck, girlfriend.

36:34 It can cause really bad things. That would be my approach if I was OP. I'd be like, you realize this isn't just about how annoying it is you wake me up at night, right? You have a condition that can cause severe harm to you if you just ignore it completely.

36:52 And if you show him the brain scans of someone that hasn't had consistent sleep over the years, that might make him wake up and you see, hey, if I don't get a consistent sleep, I'm going to lose out on the spicy part of my brain. Thus, I'm not going to want to have spicy time with you. Oh my gosh, if I don't get enough sleep, my butt is going to decrease and deflate.

37:13 Someone said this. His comment says, Purposely causing your partner to lose sleep is a form of abuse, which I agree.

37:20 Yeah, we read a story one time where that happened, and that was crazy. Dang, they were doing CIA sleep torture on their partner? It's crazy. Don't let John Kiriakou get wind of that one. He's been awful quiet. He's been awful quiet. No, that's just how the YouTube trends go.

37:35 I think he ran out of stories.

37:37 All right, that's the end of that story, but we have another one coming right up.

37:40 I asked for one night to myself, and my boyfriend ended our relationship over it. Yeah, selfish. What's wrong with you? Okay, the title does seem a little one-sided. Context. My boyfriend, 29 male, and I, 30 female. Are you activating someone's sleeper cell? What are you doing? No, they both have their frontal cortex conjoined. I feel like you're like winter soldiering somebody when you do that.

38:05 No, no, no.

38:05 Frontal cortex. Before 24. Frontal cortex streetcar. After 25. Frontal cortex. I've been dating since last summer. I live alone in an apartment in downtown D.C. Politics. and he lives alone in a house in Annapolis about 40 minutes away. Pre-quarantine, we did well with splitting the weekends between the two places.

38:28 Once states closed for the vid, we decided it made most sense for me to temporarily move in and stay with him in the bigger space with a yard for the dogs. As you might imagine, it had its ups and downs. We were getting a crash course and living together in a space that wasn't really mine at all, having lots of important conversations, enjoying evenings cooking together and having wine while watching shows. We've also been irritable due to the drastic changes in our daily routines. I have continued to work full time from home while he is only working a half day once a week. He is bored.

39:05 Did you say Jurassic changes?

39:07 I said no. Oh, drastic. Drastic.

39:10 Okay, I was like, what do you mean Jurassic changes? Like they all turned into them.

39:16 To dinosaurs. It would be a big difference.

39:18 Big feathery changes. Sorry, go on.

39:23 He is bored. I am stressed with work and finding it difficult to decompress. I am used to and need quiet time to myself to recharge and he likes a noisy household activating you know what do you like a noisy household i mean like the tv on in the background some music playing um.

39:44 Is that noisy to you?

39:45 It depends.

39:46 It all depends. But, like, I don't mind. It takes a lot to overstimulate me with audio. But then once I get there, I'm like, oh, we got to make that stop.

39:56 It takes a while. I like having some music on, some sort of sound happening. Yeah. You, Savannah?

40:03 I like when there's people in my home. I like a big, like, if I hear conversation, I'm like, it gets me so pumped.

40:11 Like, whenever I'm on vacation and.

40:12 I wake up and you hear, like, People making breakfast, whatever.

40:16 You would love a big family. I hope you have a big family one day.

40:18 I have a huge family right now.

40:20 Well, I hope you get one back.

40:22 They're gone now. We took them. TV always on. Music on top of that. Chattering constantly about sports or draft statistics. I've tried saying, I'm going upstairs to read. Or, I just like some quiet time to myself. And it bugs him that I don't want to do the things that he wants to do. By the way, this comes from Endless Postability. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Riley.

40:51 I'm Dakota.

40:52 And I'm Savannah. And we're going to read this quarantine special story. If you have anything you'd like to add about your time in the quarantine, please let us know because we have limited knowledge about that. And we're going to be silly. Opie says, last night he wanted to watch the NFL draft. So I made plans to FaceTime my girlfriends upstairs while he did that. I am used to weekly girls' nights and miss them as they're also my primary support network. I heard him downstairs complaining to his dog that I never want to hang out with him. Dakota, quick question. Besides watching Josh Allen play football, what do you and your girlfriend like to do?

41:29 Like, we'll go to the movies.

41:32 We'll go get some food. But it's not very sports-centric. No, she does not like the sports. She doesn't like the sports.

41:40 Honestly, the only reason you should be watching the NFL draft is if you work for one of those teams. Like, straight up. There is no universe where you need to watch the NFL draft.

41:53 That's crazy. What if you're a big sports fan?

41:54 It's just the most, like, you can watch, like, maybe, like, the, oh, who's going to get the first pick? Who's going to be first overall?

42:01 That's about it.

42:02 Once you get out of the top five, you'll just see that as a headline and go, oh, nice.

42:07 Yeah.

42:07 How do you even know who's on the roster?

42:10 Who's coming up?

42:10 Do they say?

42:12 You have a preselected amount of people in the NBA draft, but over college, people are like, oh, this is number one pick, and they kind of amp it up.

42:20 You don't know who the number one pick is until... So you've got to watch college basketball as well. I mean, like, you can get a pretty good idea of who's going to... The point is, the draft is boring.

42:29 Yeah, yeah.

42:30 The draft is boring even for sports fans to watch. So your girlfriend who doesn't care about sports is not watching the draft with you.

42:37 I would rather watch a military draft.

42:39 That one's sad, though. Anyways, after FaceTiming, I went down and sat on the sofa with him and said, Hey, I heard you talking to the dog. I came to hang out. How are your team pics doing? Like a great girlfriend. Oh my gosh. He was irritable and replied, ugh, it was quiet until you came down. What?

42:59 Was it though?

43:01 All right. Getting to the point now, I had been to my apartment in over three weeks and needed to go check in on it and pick up some prescriptions I couldn't have transferred. We were originally going to go together, but seeing this irritation with each other, I suggested I should go alone. and take a night or so to myself to recharge and come back. The vid note. I do not have to interact with anyone to access my apartment.

43:28 My car already had ample gas. I literally drive from his house to my street, and I'm alone in my apartment. This morning, when I grabbed some necessities for a night to myself, my laptop, because I have to work over the weekend, someone to wear a face moisturizer, etc., etc., he got upset and said, I might as well take all my stuff, and not bother coming back.

43:53 This feels like no clear feelings or boundaries have been communicated at all between the two of you.

44:02 I don't think he knows what an introvert is.

44:04 He's treating this like you're going, fine, I'm going to go stay at my place, when really you're just like, yeah, I don't know. I think we need a day apart from each other just to be our own humans for a day.

44:18 And like, I'll be back after that. I haven't been to my place in three weeks. Kind of just want to stay there tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The vid being with each other over the vid might have done crazy things to one another.

44:29 He is taking her not wanting to hang out with him as an insult instead of being like, oh, she needs her alone time. Some people are more introverted. Some people are more extroverted. And that's all right. But she's trying to communicate her needs.

44:43 And he's like, well, that's stupid.

44:45 And that's not cool.

44:47 That's not cool.

44:50 That's cool though now that's cool hey this is riley the host that can't really read that well we're gonna get back to the stories but here's three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors i tried to talk through why it was so all or nothing for him he said i clearly didn't want to spend time with him or be around him so i can just go home for good and we can resume dating when the states open back up. He actually bagged up the remainder of my stuff and took it to the car for me? Reddit, I just wanted to read in silence. Get my medications, water my plants, sleep in my own bed for a night, watch my own trashy TV shows without interruption, and now I think my relationship is over. So what do I do from here?

45:35 Enjoy being single.

45:36 No.

45:37 This guy.

45:38 Yes.

45:38 Yes. No.

45:40 I am sick of defending these bad relationships. No, that's... This guy, that sucks.

45:46 He's going to find some girly pop who wants to watch the NFL draft. Somebody said their grandma still watches it.

45:51 She's 80 years old.

45:52 He'll find your grandma and you can go find a guy who actually enjoys the things that you enjoy. Part of this is probably COVID insanity, whatever. Like you're in the house a little cooped up.

46:04 There we go. Whatever.

46:05 I'm like if that's how you feel about it, buddy, sure. Lose my number.

46:08 I disagree with that. I disagree with that. I think it is just that. The COVID insanity of Oh my gosh, there's so much happening because on his end, one, he's not working that much. Two, I doubt he has kept up with his guy friends because what guy friends do is usually every so often they just hang out and they're good. Three, he's bored. He just wants a friend.

46:26 And I think he puts all that on OP and has completely lost all those factors of a place to work, a place to go hang out. And he's just at home all day. I think there's a lot on his end that needs to be kind of reshapened for this new temporary living situation he's in. And he doesn't realize that. And he's putting all that on OP. I mean, it's entirely possible. He's talking to his dog. He's screaming, I want someone to care about something with the passion I have.

46:52 But it's not like he's out here doing, like, woodworking projects, being like, oh, I wish I had somebody to hold the other end of this 2x4. He's watching the draft.

47:01 He's bored. He's sitting around watching TV at.

47:04 A loud volume, and this OP is just like, I would like quiet time to read. Maybe I would like a night to myself. And he went, wow, betrayer, you mean nothing to me. Why don't you go figure yourself out and hit me up when you're not a piece of garbage?

47:22 I just think he has a lack of purpose and he puts all that purpose in hanging out with Opie. Yeah, but then you know what? And she seems to have a lot of things going on. He doesn't have anything going on and he can't see that.

47:31 And he's sad. Then to be an altruistic person, I'm going to take myself out of his equation. So he doesn't have anything else distracting him from finding his purpose. Because I can't be your purpose. I can't be your purpose. So go find whatever it is. I'm not here anymore.

47:46 Bye.

47:46 I think he's just taking it out on OP because he doesn't have anyone else to take. He literally is going to the dog. He's talking to the dog at this point.

47:55 This is screaming loneliness. And there's a male epidemic of loneliness, I think. You can't. You can't say that. That's literally what's happening right now.

48:05 His girlfriend's been at his house for three weeks.

48:07 Because you need more than just your girlfriend to hang out with, and he doesn't understand that. That's the real problem.

48:12 No, I think the real problem is he's not communicating his problem. He's taking her as her actually addressing her problem of being like, hey, you know, I'd rather be in a room quiet doing the things that I want to do rather than being out here doing what you want to do. So I'm going to remove myself. And then he takes that as, oh, I guess you don't want to be with me then anymore. And it's like.

48:34 No one's hearing each other's needs.

48:36 But he's not even saying that he, like, he's not saying, oh, when you say that, I now feel like you don't want to hang out with me. But instead, he just blows up instead of having an actual conversation about it. He's like, oh, well, I guess you just don't want to be with me then.

48:49 Okay, cool. He hasn't, like, gotten to the point of I know what I need. All of his structures in life that has been on default has fallen apart now. I don't know, bro. I think you're giving this guy so much grace. That's fine. But Yeah.

49:03 At the end of the day, he's like, oh, oh, you don't want to hang out with me right now? It's like, yeah, I don't. I want to go read a book by myself. If you can't cope with that, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, have fun with the dog. Have fun with the dog.

49:16 I don't, I've never met this guy, never seen him. This is just, if I was in this scenario this is probably how I would want to be treated but we have an edit I am home in my own apartment alone he is not contacting me I spent yesterday drinking wine cooking listening to music softly facetiming girlfriends caring for my plants and reading a good book I'm not crying or sad I feel comfortable and at ease in my own space again. While my boyfriend is not working, he is still being paid his full salary. While I'm currently working a lot, I normally have a much healthier work-life balance. Some big deadlines happen to coincide with and to be exasperated by the pandemic. I was very clear with my boyfriend before this upswing started and let him

50:01 know I was going to be a lot busier and would appreciate his support extra for a couple of weeks before until things settled down again. I like the part where you communicated. Many of you have brought up quality time. I have attempted to express my desire for quality time to him. Things as blunt as, let's hang out together tonight.

50:21 What should we do? Sometimes it would work, and we'd have a nice dinner and watch a show together. And other times, it would end in frustration and not go anywhere. In regards to the mattress thing, I'm hearing all your replies about how it wasn't important to him, so he didn't want to compromise. took having a very dramatic emotional breakdown after nights of no sleep for him to realize how important it was we find a solution. It came after numerous, I'm really not sleeping well. Can we work something out so I'm more comfortable conversations? Okay. Wait, is this the other story?

50:57 Mate, did we just slip into the twilight zone and this is the other story? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think maybe there's just another problem. She's over there for three weeks, not sleeping well on the mattress. He's like, whatever, snooze you lose.

51:16 But I don't know. And finally, you are all not wrong that I have a low bar for thoughtfulness. It's not really something I've ever experienced in a relationship. I have some relevant comments. I'm sorry. If I'm in the pandemic and my girl is working her booty off She comes home, food's cooked. She's going to have alone time.

51:36 And then we're going to, I'm going to plan something out. Yeah, man.

51:39 Yeah, that's why I think, I don't think you can compare yourself to this guy. Because there's no universe in which you would respond this way. Like, Angie wanted to go read a book.

51:47 Unacceptable.

51:48 You'd be like, wow, you want to go read a book instead of watching, like, shoot, I don't know.

51:53 Paul George highlight reel?

51:55 Yeah, the same Paul George highlight reel for the eighth time.

51:59 This week, I have shown her some Russell Westbrook highlight rules like a few times.

52:04 And she probably went, whoa.

52:06 Yeah. Exactly.

52:07 She did.

52:08 That's exactly what happened.

52:10 Whoa.

52:10 But like, honestly, that's good. Because, you know, like, Russ is probably one of the only players who could get someone who cares nothing at all about basketball to go, oh, wait, that was, that, I don't know what I'm looking at, but that was crazy.

52:21 For real. We have some comments.

52:25 I will say, if you're looking for that, When I was the nanny for the twins, one of them was very extroverted. The other one was more introverted. And when they would come home, the one would go to his room because he had to be so extroverted at school that he would need to reset and go upstairs, be by himself, read a book, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then he would come downstairs. He needed a reset. And we just gave him that time. And we're fine with that.

52:49 They're like, yeah, you can go home, decompress, and then start your work or whatever.

52:53 It's a thing. It's a thing. Commoner says sounds like spending time apart is not the worst idea. Go home and decompress and let him reach out. Hope he says exactly my plan. Currently I'm having a glass of wine and cooking some gumbo and my sweats playing my favorite music softly. Commoner, if he does contact you, please be objective about the things he says. Gaslighting is insidious. Also try to notice how you feel unless you are filled with joy by the sound of his voice. and he is passionately sorry and says he will take care in the future to better consider your needs. Do not settle.

53:34 Opie says, I haven't really been upset tonight. Maybe it's just because nothing has been officially decided, but usually lack of closure in situations heightens my anxiety. I'm just weirdly calm and unemotional about it. Maybe that says something in and of itself. On setting boundaries with her boyfriend, Opie says, I struggle with setting boundaries. and grew up with a really unhealthy conflict dynamic in my family, so it's difficult for me to set a boundary calmly and before I am already feeling it crossed. This was one of my most mature and calm attempts at doing so. He is used to getting his way, past things we've been able to work through and give me hope that he is capable of understanding and adapting, but his initial reaction when

54:20 he doesn't get his way is really off-putting and a trend And I don't see changing. Whenever she was saying I'm cooking and listening to my music and having a good time, it really does feel like you don't get a lot of that at his place. Yeah.

54:36 Feels like the activities you are doing at your place are making you much happier than sharing your time and space with this guy.

54:48 On her boyfriend's family background. Dang, we're getting it all. Oh, Pete? He comes from a well-off family and is, from my lower middle class perspective, spoiled. Oh, is he? No. Spoilers. We both lead similar lives now, but how we got here is very different. I moved away after college, have been financially independent since college, put myself through grad school, and worked very hard for my career and apartment in a city I adore. He works for the family company.

55:24 Still lives one town over from his family and gets a lot of nice perks from it. A few specific examples. His family owns season tickets and club seats for the NFL games for their team. Wait, what team is near him in D.C.? The Commanders. I thought that was Washington State.

55:44 No, it's the Washington Commanders.

55:45 It's the Washington, D.C. football team. That's why he was watching the draft. He's like, anything will be good for our team. Yeah, maybe a better name. That'd be a good one. Good one to start with. His father hands him and his brother a credit card and allows them to run their bar tab for the entire game on him.

56:03 One particular game, his aunt was using two of the tickets and sitting in his preferred seat. So we sat two seats over. He complained the entire time. His parents sent us hundreds of dollars worth of groceries this past week. He complained for over an hour and even called his mom about it. That ground beef wasn't included. despite his having every other meat legally butcherable in the U.S. in the freezer. He has an extra firm mattress on his bed.

56:33 I hate it. Even he doesn't love it. I couldn't sleep for weeks and restored to sleeping alone in the guest room. He was upset that I wouldn't sleep with him despite my saying I couldn't sleep on his mattress. He eventually agreed to split the cost of a topper with me. But it took weeks to get to this seemingly simple rela... Rela.

56:52 Rela.

56:57 You know why this is happening, Riley?

56:59 Because you have dyslexia. And also because you were defending this spoiled brat baby man.

57:05 I didn't know this about him. This is what you get. I didn't know. You should have sense. I didn't know.

57:12 You saw too much of yourself in this man. You were like, this guy, I can stand up for this man.

57:16 He's a good man. I didn't know he was a baby about season tickets and not sitting in his usual season tickets.

57:22 There's nothing that rubs me the wrong way more than being somewhere like you're in box seats at the NFL game. Your dad's paying for your entire bar tab, but you're sitting two seats over from where you usually sit and you're going to moan about that for the whole game?

57:40 I leave you. I leave. I'm breaking up with you. Doesn't sound like OP has said a single good thing about him. Now that I'm thinking about it. Oh, wait. He's not always selfish. First thing. What? He can be incredibly thoughtful and generous. Giving me one of his two bedroom closets. Making me a work from home space in the basement. Bringing me coffee in bed some mornings. Giving an entire bathroom in his house to my use.

58:07 But.

58:08 It's a toss-up, which side of him I am dealing with in any given instance.

58:12 I love how all the stuff you lined out was just like basic, like what you do when someone lives in your house for a whole month, which is what you've been doing.

58:21 He's like, I built her a shelter in the basement.

58:24 He gave me the extra closet no one was using. He let me use the bathroom no one was using. He let me use the basement no one was using.

58:31 Wow, there was a desk there.

58:33 One time he brought me coffee.

58:36 Yeah. And he didn't even make it.

58:37 It was from Starbucks. He brings me coffee sometimes in the morning.

58:42 Every so often. He puts your desk in the basement. He said, I don't want to deal with her. Put her in the basement.

58:49 Send her to the dungeon.

58:50 To the dungeon. Put her in the brig. Is Opie's boyfriend in therapy? Opie says he is not. He supports my being in therapy, but doesn't think it's for him. Commenter, he sounds pretty trash, by the way. does he make any attempt to do things you enjoy or is it always stuff he likes? He says, I was very into yoga when we first started dating to the point where we talk about doing our class together as a date.

59:16 It didn't happen. And despite a few opportunities, he was never up for it. My practice fell off, but I've been doing it more at home practices during the quarantine. He finally agreed to try 20 minutes with me and seemed to enjoy it. He also once agreed to go on a short hike with me, and seemed to enjoy it, and had mentioned after that he'd do it again. The opportunity just never came up again.

59:41 It's the like, he seemed to enjoy it. Like, he didn't say anything bad about us, so I think he liked it. Like, why does this guy be like, I really.

59:50 Appreciate us doing something together.

59:52 Like, this is great. Like, that's all he had to say. But instead, he didn't say anything.

59:56 She's like, he didn't complain, so... I guess he liked it.

1:00:00 Yeah, it only took me months to get him to commit 20 minutes to one activity I really enjoy. But I can't seem to get my head off the comment you just made of we went.

1:00:13 On a hike.

1:00:14 He seemed to enjoy it. Like, who doesn't like going outside, first of all? Second of all, what do you mean there's just no time? There's time every day. There's time.

1:00:23 He doesn't work. It's just going outside. It doesn't work, dude.

1:00:27 What are you possibly aligning?

1:00:29 Dude, I wish I had the vid happen again, dude.

1:00:32 Oh, man.

1:00:33 Why?

1:00:33 I would be so proactive. I'd have so many things happen. Dude, I'd be like on top of the world. I'd be a millionaire. Because I would have just invested in crypto. I would have just invested in everything starting with crypto. Why is this guy? Christina says. Why is this guy? Update. Put your predictions in. Do they stay together? Do they break up? I hope they break up.

1:00:58 It's just not a good match. OP, it's like she's walking on eggshells. It's really sad because she's like, I think he liked it.

1:01:04 I don't know.

1:01:04 We did something I liked and I don't know if he really enjoyed it. So maybe we'll do it again. Like, girl, it's something you like. He can take 20 minutes out of his day to walk.

1:01:14 Unacceptable. Maybe 15. It's just this guy.

1:01:17 He's so thoughtful.

1:01:18 He lets me use the basement. Sometimes he even lets me out. For real? He took me on a walk once.

1:01:26 He packed my bags to leave. He helped out.

1:01:31 Yikes. Update. Over a month and a half later, well, as a likely shock to no one, we broke up. It wasn't as swift as some comments encouraged. We reconciled after he insisted he hadn't meant to end things and had overreacted out of emotion. We gave it another shot, living in our own spaces and again for a few weeks.

1:01:56 Things went well enough, but unresolved trust issues became exasperated as I was not in his physical proximity as often as he felt insecure about the distance between us. Yeah, so this guy sucks.

1:02:10 What, you can't be, like, what, you think she's cheating on you because she wants alone time?

1:02:15 Dang, he really is just looking for a dog. He's just looking for someone who goes.

1:02:18 Hey, come here.

1:02:19 Come here, sit.

1:02:21 He wants a doormat.

1:02:23 So did my ex.

1:02:24 A pet? No, a doormat.

1:02:27 He wants someone to just.

1:02:28 No, I was quoting.

1:02:30 Oh.

1:02:31 Oh, from Invincible? Marky Invincible. Ultimately, a few weeks after reconciling, we ended up in another argument after dinner one night. There was once again a very disappropriate reaction to a situation that should have been more calmly communicated about. And I realized if we reconciled again, I'd be in the same position a few weeks later. It had become an exhausting cycle. We aren't in contact this time. He found the original thread I posted and was understandably hurt by what I wrote and by my not sticking up for him.

1:03:06 I am sad, mourning the end of a relationship, and feeling bad for hurting someone I care about. Just taking things a day at a time and trusting that I made the right choice. Send your most encouraging and hope-restoring love-after-30s story. And they've been together ever since last summer.

1:03:23 Hmm.

1:03:24 Truly a marriage of the ages or a partnership they're not married partnership yeah truly a relationship for the ages right if it ain't easy it ain't easy for me that was.

1:03:35 Just some summer loving that you had going on honestly I don't know I just say to me now he seems like a football guy that just likes to drink adult beverages and that's about.

1:03:46 It yeah he's um he's a selfish spoiled rich brat yeah those are not my favorite type of people That's what he is.

1:03:56 That's what he was. That's who he is right now. That's who he'll continue to be. But that's not.

1:04:01 Who he needs to always be, you know.

1:04:04 He has the capacity for great change. He does. We've got comments. Yeah, Lily Levered. Sorry, that was my pirate persona.

1:04:14 This comes from the video my friend tried to steal my girlfriend right in front of me. That was posted August 15, 2026.

1:04:21 This is the TLDR for the third story.

1:04:24 OP met a cute, funny guy named AJ on Tinder and thought she'd found something great until she showed his photos to her best.

1:04:33 Friend, Kara.

1:04:34 Kara instantly recognized him. AJ was already dating a girl at her office, and she even had proof. A photo of AJ and his girlfriend right there on her co-worker's desk.

1:04:46 OP felt sick.

1:04:48 The more OP pushed forward, the angrier Kara got until her reaction became so bizarre and over the top that OP started to wonder what was really going on. If you want to know the full story, go watch the full video.

1:05:05 I think I remember this one. This one was some goofy stuff.

1:05:09 I kind of do. I kind of remember some of that.

1:05:12 Yeah, go ahead and read them, boys.

1:05:14 I'm going to read these boys. Comment number one by Mofo5157 says, the Kara story is wild because she's the one that was gossiping, right? LOL, she connected the dots to the co-worker and OP and then said she minds her own business. Like, what?

1:05:31 What?

1:05:32 Yeah, I just remember this story was Lionel Messi.

1:05:37 Comment number two from Rebeculus RK says, to claim a good person would mind their own effing business is obviously a reflection of her own issues. If you see something, say something. All it takes for evil to win is for good people to do nothing. She's hiding something, or her moral compass is broken.

1:05:59 Either way, don't take her advice.

1:06:02 I'm seeing all of you right now, and I'm thinking, you're beautiful. Just the way you are.

1:06:07 Comment number three by Nightshade189 says two reasons and they aren't good. One, OP's friend was or is also hooking up with that dude and doesn't want OP to find out. Two, the friend is also a cheater herself. And I wouldn't be surprised if OP had any previous relationships she had ended up being broken off. And it was due to this friend. Cheaters often defend, stand by, or project when others get cheated on and don't like when someone has morals, points out how wrong it is, and they don't like it, makes them realize they are a crappy person.

1:06:46 Oh no, I gotta wreck it with my own badness.

1:06:50 Yeah, crappy people make me sneeze.

1:06:53 And that's the end.

1:06:54 He's allergic to BS.

1:06:55 He's a crappy sneezer. Is that you? Did you just toot? She just squeaked.

1:06:59 I heard it. You heard it.

1:07:00 I heard that as well.

1:07:04 That's the end of those comments. And the end of that episode. So, if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1:07:12 We love you.

1:07:13 And see you tomorrow.