My best friend of 23 years CHEATED on his wife…so I cut him off! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP3073

0:00 Hey, this is Dakota.

0:01 And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host. And we got some great stories coming up.

0:05 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show alive.

0:10 My best friend of 23 years cheated on his wife, so I cut him off. Oh, cut it out. My friend 39 male and I, 38 female, have known each other since our teenage years. We've had a variety of dynamics throughout the years, but recently I felt like I've outgrown him. He married a woman he says is the love of his life. She's beautiful, smart, feminine, and fashionable.

0:33 She's a trophy, which he's always valued above all else. Think performative, cishet male with mild anti-c** behavior. Okay, at least it's mild. Just a little bit of closet garden-ness. He's like, yeah, get them away from me, but I'm a supporter. I don't want them near me. They should have rights, though. That's insane to say. In 2025, I attended their wedding. And prior to attending, he had disclosed to me that he was putting away his childish and lustful behavior of being a womanizer. Sorry. At his wedding?

1:10 On his wedding day, he was putting it away? I mean, what a great day to do that. Could have done it maybe when he started the relationship. Nope.

1:17 Okay.

1:19 He claimed to have grown up. And I thought it was commendable. I feel like when you say that you've grown up, you haven't, you know?

1:25 Have you grown up?

1:27 No.

1:27 Have you grown up?

1:28 I'll never grow up.

1:30 I'm a child.

1:30 See, that feels a lot more trustworthy. I'm a child. Trust me. Trust me. I'm a child. Until you fast forward to the summer when he and his friends were having a boy trip in my city to attend an event one weekend. He calls me up for brunch and tells me that I can't be judging or preaching and that I need to be one of the boys if I'm going to come out with them. I hate that.

1:51 I agree and go along. Not only did he and his friends ogle, I mean, I did too, every attractive woman in the establishment, but he even left his wedding band at home and decided to pursue a really beautiful woman. Immediately, I'm like, I'm leaving.

2:05 Wow.

2:06 I'm telling the girl. I'm immediately. I tell him I'm telling the girl. I go, what are you doing?

2:11 I would go.

2:11 Oh, my God. I'm on FaceTime with it.

2:13 Say hi.

2:13 That's so funny. Oh, my God. Is that your wife? Because it doesn't look like her. Wow. Didn't you just get married? Where's your wedding ring? Yeah, I go up while he's flirting with the girl. I go, oh, my God. I have your wife on the call. Bought her and her friend's drinks. Flirted. And not sure if they exchanged numbers.

2:32 I just know his wife wouldn't approve of the conduct. According to him, he was honest when they were dating, but she told them if they were to be together seriously, that she needed monogamy and commitment more or less. More or less! By the way, this comes from EctoGammit, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

2:54 I'm Keon.

2:55 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says, I didn't say anything to him about his behavior because I agreed to be one of the boys. Opie. But knowing the disregard he has for his union and the woman who gave him a child. Whoa.

3:12 Oh, wow.

3:13 Whoa.

3:13 Like, what kind of child?

3:15 I just can't get down with that kind of behavior. This especially hit home with me because I was ethically non-monogamous in my last relationship and truly value honesty and consideration above all else. Would I be an a-hole to actively tell him I wanted to solve our friendship? Should I just ignore him and let him stop communicating? He's not someone who I would think would learn from or gain insight or consider changing. just because I choose to hold him accountable. But I don't want that kind of man in my life, because I don't want his karma rubbing off on me. What do you think Opie should do here? Uh, tell the wife. Yeah, it doesn't seem like...

3:49 I would want to know.

3:50 It doesn't seem like that's on Opie's option, like one of Opie's options at all. Yeah, which is really weird. I mean, I guess she's friends with this guy and not the girl.

3:58 But if my friend is doing something... Like, I've said this time and time again.

4:01 If.

4:02 My friend is not behaving correctly. I'm going to be like, that's.

4:05 Not really cool.

4:06 I agree.

4:07 If I had a friend who was behaving like this and low-key cheating on their partner, I would immediately call them out and say, hey, I'm going to tell your partner that you're doing that because that's unacceptable. Update. I've locked him on all communication and I unfriended his wife. I don't like you. That didn't solve anything. That did nothing. Yeah, you're an a-hole. So you're just like, I just don't want to be involved, guys. I'm just going to take myself out. OP literally went, I'm actually not going to call him out on it. And I'm not going to tell his wife that he was doing this terrible thing.

4:37 I just don't want to really, I don't really want to do the hard thing and confront him. They're like, I don't want to be a bad guy.

4:43 This is too much work.

4:44 Coward. Yeah, that's crazy. Ew. And I've known him for 23 years and met his wife a few years ago and I've socialized with her maybe a total of five times. Five times too many. You need to tell her. It doesn't matter. She very much knows the man he was before they got married and chose him despite that. There are tons of people closer to both of them who know what kind of man he is. I'm definitely not going to blow up their lives. Sorry, folks. Oh, my God.

5:08 Okay.

5:09 Not doing anything is.

5:11 Is contributing to what's happening.

5:13 So you're just one of those people that sits to the side and is a little bystander.

5:16 Like, even I, the girl with no backbone, I would say something.

5:20 No, I don't like this.

5:21 I would say something, like 100%. I also don't really love OP's attitude. Like, OP is a queer person, I think. I think OP is a queer woman.

5:30 And surrounds herself or was surrounding herself with these types of guys was okay with not calling them out for their behavior.

5:37 Like, I don't know.

5:38 Oh, it's like, you know, when when guys say like, oh, it's like locker room talk.

5:42 Yeah, I'm calling that out. I have a lot of guy friends. Like, obviously, they're not to this level. Yeah. Fortunately, but I'll call them like I call my guy friends out all the time for things because I care about them. Yeah. It doesn't seem like you care about these people.

5:56 You can't say that. Hey, that's not really cool to say.

5:59 I go, no, no, no. If you say that to the wrong group.

6:01 Yeah.

6:02 It's like not even judging them. It's looking out for them. And it doesn't seem like Opie has that level of care for the people in our lives. Opie, you're the a-hole.

6:12 Yeah.

6:12 Everyone sucks there.

6:13 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

6:17 My best friend fell in love with a married man and I want to expose them. Do it! Get him out of there! So to start, I'm looking for genuine advice and want the best possible outcome for all parties. My best friend has been talking to a guy for seven months. Let's call him Jack. Jack told Jane, my best friend, that he has a two-year-old daughter and is in the process of getting a divorce.

6:40 Always in the process.

6:41 Yeah.

6:41 Yeah.

6:42 I don't trust anyone.

6:43 No.

6:43 He said that their divorce isn't being placed as priority because there is no DV involved, so it's taking the courts longer. Oh, my God. That was my first-ish red flag. Yeah. Jack and Jane proceed to talk day and night. They only talk via Call of Duty? Hmm.

7:00 Oh. What?

7:01 Okay. When Jaina asked if he had socials or a phone, they could just text and call off. He said he had neither. Second red flag. Wait, he didn't have a phone or what?

7:11 Or socials.

7:13 He said he doesn't have a phone because he only has one for work, not personal use.

7:16 That's like not true. In today's day and age?

7:19 That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard. I'd be like, you don't have a phone?

7:23 You don't have a phone.

7:25 Unless he recently just broke it.

7:27 Yeah, I don't buy it. Jane doesn't think much of it and proceeds to talk via Cod. They sometimes will be online together while he's in work meetings so Jane can hear a good chunk of the meetings and his boss one day says, How's your wife, Jack?

7:40 How is he?

7:40 What?

7:41 What is going on?

7:42 To which he responded, Good, good, and quickly moved away from that. When Jane confronted him about it, he said he hadn't told his boss about the problems he's been having with his wife because he's embarrassed. Third red flag.

7:55 I think the fourth red flag is your friend still believes any of this.

7:58 That is three strikes, you're out. Yeah. By the way, this comes from actualassignment94, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

8:09 I'm Keon.

8:10 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP said... Weeks go past and Jack is pushing to come meet Jane. Jack lives on the U.S. East Coast and Jane lives on the Canada East Coast. Jane has been pushing it off because of schools and personal things.

8:29 Last week, Jane got an urge to just try looking for his socials. Well, it didn't take her long to find them. Fourth strike, I don't know.

8:38 Yeah.

8:39 Not only did she find them, but she also found out that he is in an active marriage. It's not how he portrayed it to be at all. Jane also found out that he has not one child, but two.

8:50 Dang.

8:51 Wow. Okay, bye. Stop talking to mom. Immediately. Immediately, I find that out. I- A seven-month-old baby. Jane is furious and sends him the screenshots. Jack proceeds to play dumb, saying, is that supposed to be me?

9:05 Wow.

9:06 What an idiot this guy is. And eventually admits it.

9:09 Yeah, of course.

9:09 Yeah, you go, yes. And then he goes, fine, yeah, that's me. I go, did you think I was an idiot? Yeah. Like, what a stupid gaslighter.

9:16 I don't know.

9:16 It's been seven months. We've been talking on COD, and you believe that, so kind of.

9:20 Jack proceeds to say that they've been having problems for the last two years, just about, and have been on and off for that duration. He claims that deep down he knows it won't work out, but he has to try one final time for his parents and his kids, not the wife.

9:34 Dude.

9:35 Dude.

9:35 And this is you trying?

9:37 And this is where you walk away from this mess.

9:39 Yeah.

9:40 Yeah.

9:40 He says he has to try due to family and religious obligation. He feels as though he's trapped and doesn't know what to do. Again, his words to her. He sends her one final email saying she deserves better and he's grateful for all the grace and love she's shown towards him. It's essentially a goodbye message, but Jane is not having it. She's pissed. He was supposed to fly out in two weeks for them to finally meet and start their life together. They talked about marriage, kids, growing old.

10:08 Jane has a lot of questions. She sends Jack one more email saying, I need to talk to you. You can't just disappear like this. Jack responds and says, if you feel it'll bring you peace, then yes, we can talk one final time. They spoke today for five hours.

10:25 Why are we not bringing up? Hey, Jack, tell the truth to your family.

10:29 Yeah.

10:29 Or I will. Or I will, yeah. For this next part, I just want to say that I think Jack is full of crap. Jack proceeds to tell Jane in this conversation that he loves Jane more than anything. And he's stuck. He doesn't know what to do. I'm sorry. He loves Jane more than anything. They've only talked on Cod.

10:46 Yeah.

10:46 True love. They say chivalry is passed away. And that's true love.

10:50 He doesn't want to lose his kids and he knows that if his wife finds out, it's over for him. His life will be ruined.

10:56 Good.

10:57 As it should be. He proceeds to cry into the phone to God saying, God.

11:02 Why would you let me get to this point?

11:04 Why wouldn't you just end my life? Oh my God. No way you just said that. That's such a low blow. An idiot. God. Yikes. Real dramatic for minutes on end. Again, I think Jack is full of crap and is playing on Jane's emotions to weasel out of this. I didn't get the full details quite yet, but Jack has Jane convinced that he truly loves her and is in this miserable life with his wife. I think Jack is just another man cheating on his wife. Jane somehow found out his whole life and he is crap at himself, I think.

11:42 Jane thinks Jack is going to leave his wife in a couple of months and that they're soulmates and meant to be together forever.

11:47 She's so stupid. Pull yourself together.

11:50 I mean, it's been seven months. Your relationship is built on a lie. It's not going to work.

11:56 He's just because literally, I don't think he's told any of what he said is the truth.

12:00 Nothing.

12:01 I've tried telling her he's never going to leave her. And even if he does, it's going to be rough. Jane says she doesn't care and she wants them to be together no matter what. jane told him to leave his wife to add one last thing jane also threatened slash blackmail jack into staying in contact with her by the reasoning that he can't just abandon her after planning a life together and he needs to support her so there's that He could have just said all of this to ensure Jane doesn't drop a bomb on his life and to keep her quiet. But what Jack and Jane don't know is that I have the wife's Instagram and Facebook.

12:34 The only issue is that I have zero proof to send her to back it up. Yes, Jane is a bit dumb and naive right now, but she's a woman who believes she's crazy in love with this man. She's still my friend, and it's disappointing that she's even trying to meddle in a married man's life. I don't know if I could keep being friends with her after this, to be honest. depending on what happens. I just couldn't.

12:56 Yeah.

12:56 I just couldn't. I'd be like, come on. I hope she, you know, it's not going to work out. Everyone around you knows, you know, what are you doing? I hope she makes the right choice. But as for the wife, what do I do? Should I, or should I not reach out to Jack's wife?

13:12 I should.

13:13 What is the right thing to do? And we got an update four days later.

13:16 Yeah.

13:17 No, you got to reach out to her. I honestly agree just because I'm, At this point, I don't think that your friend is going to do it. I don't think Jane is going to do it. No, she's not going to do it. And the thing is, you're doing a favor for your friend. She is hypnotized by this man who's.

13:31 Just feeding her lies, gaslighting or manipulating her into thinking that this is going to work out, this is going to work out.

13:36 You need to help your friend. But by helping your friend... You need to expose this guy's lies.

13:46 And yeah, it's going to hurt her and it's going to hurt him and all this stuff. And maybe you'll be the bad guy for a little while. But ultimately, that is the right choice. That is the that is what you are supposed to do to a friend.

13:56 Yeah. But I would distance from this friend. I would do that. I would tell her, hey, if you ever come out of this and realize what you're doing is really wrong. Maybe we can work, you know, on improving this, but right now I cannot be friends with you.

14:09 Sometimes you gotta be the bad guy.

14:11 To be the good guy.

14:12 To be the good guy, yeah. Four days later, Zoe spoke with her today and she's changed parts of her story. She now says that she never actually blackmailed him. Just thought this in her own head and expressed it to me.

14:23 Wow.

14:23 Apparently they have been talking for the last couple of days like normal, except she has him wrapped around her finger. Oh my goodness. I'm sure to her. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, delusional to the max. Jack told Jane that things were actually going well with his wife and he doesn't want to pursue this any longer. Oh, But Jane was somehow able to persuade him otherwise. Jane told him bluntly, you need to come see me in City X. We're going to go F. She told him that he owes her for causing all this pain.

14:52 You owe me.

14:53 You owe me a big boing. He apparently agreed and said he would agree to her conditions. This is insane. Jack told her to write up a proposal of what she wants out of this because Jack keeps reiterating to her, Jane, I have a wife and two kids. Like, this isn't going to work. Oh, I should have thought about that before, Jack.

15:10 I thought that you guys were like soulmates.

15:13 What happened to that? You're in love. But Jane said, I don't give a F. I'm going to get what I want with you, which is spicy sleep, etc. Jack was basically telling her like, hey, I'm not leaving my wife. Essentially, they're planning to have a full blown affair now, not just emotional. She said she doesn't care that he has a wife anymore. She started calling herself his little sleut and or. I am so quickly cutting off this friend.

15:36 She said that she promised Jack she would never blackmail him, but she's keeping that in her back pocket for just in case. Jane thinks that eventually Jack is going to leave his wife in a couple of years because he isn't getting his spicy needs bed at home and he's unhappy with her and they married too early. The list goes on.

15:53 I'm staring at her. I'm like, do you hear yourself?

15:55 Yeah.

15:56 I'm like, girl, I can't be friends with you. You're crazy.

15:59 The amount of contradictions that have happened throughout this entire.

16:02 Story is so exhausting. Like how, how do you even know what you want at this point? I don't know. How do you know what, like you are living in Delululand.

16:11 Yeah.

16:12 Mind you, she was wasted spewing all this into the phone at me and I could barely get a word in. At one point I told her I had to go because I'm getting another call. I couldn't keep listening to her. She told me I'm the only friend she trusts with all this and then I tell her I don't trust you, bye.

16:27 That's it. She lives with other two close friends at the moment and they would punt her out if they knew the extent that she was going to. I'm debating on whether I should meet up with one of her other friends in secret and tell her about it because it's just appalling and disgusting to be frank. Not sure if that's pointless, though. We've got a little bit left to this story. Any final thoughts?

16:46 I don't think there's any need to add more people into this. But I think you should tell Jane, like, hey, I'm going to tell the wife or something. Like, this has gone on for way too long.

16:57 Yeah, I don't think you can tell friends.

16:59 Truthfully, I'm not even going to tell Jane that I'm doing it.

17:04 I'm just going to do it.

17:04 No, I'm just telling her. I'm just telling the wife.

17:05 Because she'll probably, you know, like it'll blow up and then it'll be all this drama for never.

17:11 Like, just be like, oh, she found out. If she's this manipulative with Jack, then yeah. Then she's so manipulative with OP. I mean, she is.

17:21 Because she literally fed her these eyes and she's like, oh, like I just, I was thinking about it. I didn't actually do it, but I was just saying like, I think I thought about it. Like, oh my God, you're exhausting. And I hate you all.

17:33 Me too.

17:34 We get a little bit left. I've decided I'm okay with letting go of this 12 year relationship.

17:39 Wow.

17:39 This isn't someone I want to surround myself with or my future family. I also found out that she at one point was having spicy sleep with her uncle, not blood related. And the only reason why she stopped was because her aunt saw them meeting up on the security cameras.

17:55 What?

17:56 So this girl is messed up. Freaky. I feel like I'm uncovering a monster and I have no idea who this person is anymore. Jack thinks this visit here is only going to be a one-time trip. But Jane has other plans and said that once Jack gets a taste of her, he'll keep coming back for seconds.

18:15 Ew.

18:15 I'm still debating on how I would present all of this to the wife. Would I be the a-hole if I did? Am I the a-hole if I met up with the friends she's living to tell them all this? I know for sure if they knew, they would cut her off too. I was kind of debating. telling the friends. Because I was like, I don't know if you need to involve them. I feel like it's important to tell the wife.

18:36 Oh, for sure.

18:37 But now I'm kind of thinking Jane needs to learn a really tough lesson right now that she is a terrible person.

18:44 Yeah.

18:45 And I think she needs to lose all of her friends. I mean, I don't even think that would affect her, truthfully. No, I think she would just move on to someone else and be like, yeah, all my friends are terrible.

18:54 Yeah, just be the victim. Like, she very much is the victim of all of this, but then, like, tries to act like she is so mighty. Yeah.

19:02 D-Rad says it. Oh, so Jane is a proud home wrecker.

19:06 Yeah. That's insane.

19:08 She was on her Bob the Builder cap.

19:10 Yeah.

19:11 Helmet.

19:11 I don't even believe that she didn't know that Jack had a wife. Oh, for sure. I think she knew all along. I think, yeah.

19:18 I mean, especially seven months talking and like you never look them up. Yeah.

19:24 I think she looked him up a while ago and she knew.

19:27 Yeah.

19:27 And then be like, oh, oh, oops.

19:29 What?

19:31 Oh, I hate her.

19:32 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

19:36 Hey, this is Riley, the host that can't really read that well. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.

19:43 My friend lied to his partner that we had a past. No wonder she hated me so much. Why'd you do that, though? I, 28 female, went to high school with a group of kids and we're all still friends.

19:54 Sort of.

19:55 There's been lots of interdating within this group of friends.

19:58 Oh, no.

19:59 That's the worst. The best.

20:01 Oh, no. No, it's the worst.

20:02 It gets political in the friend group there.

20:04 Aye, aye, aye.

20:05 There's 12 of us, four girls, eight guys. One of the girls, Helena, 27, is the sister of Brian, 29, and John, 24, both in the group of friends. Glenn, 29, is Brian's best friend, and Mike, 27, is Glenn's younger brother. I came into the group because I was dating Mike his freshman and my sophomore year. In high school, but Mike is attracted to the same gender.

20:28 So yeah.

20:31 Okay.

20:31 Weird way to get into the group. We're on really good terms. Helena became my best friend when I was dating Mike, and we stayed BFFs. I stayed friends with everyone and started dating Glenn his senior year. My junior year. We were totally high school sweethearts. I lost my virginity to him. We wanted to get married. Ha!

20:51 Okay.

20:51 Ha! Glenn went to community college when I was a senior and wanted me to go to state school. But then I got accepted to a really good school on the other side of the country and decided to go.

21:01 You said, ha ha, Glenn. I'm out. Ha.

21:04 We tried long distance for a few months, but eventually we realized we were just changing as people. We are also on good terms now. But for a while, it was kind of awkward. So I would hang out more with individuals of the group rather than everyone together, including with Brian. Helena and I were BFFs, so I would go to their house, and Brian, John, Helena, and I would hang out a lot. By the way, this comes from deleted, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

21:31 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

21:33 I'm Keon.

21:34 And we're here to give some good advice. In a little goofy way. But we don't have all your answers. We don't tell you what we would do.

21:41 But you know what, partner?

21:42 Let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, Brian studied abroad for two years in the Czech Republic and found a girl, Maria, who he eventually married when he graduated and moved her to the US. First time I met Maria was at their engagement party and she didn't seem to like me at all. Oh, I had no idea why, but I shrugged it off, figuring maybe it was overwhelming to meet so many of Brian's friends at once. At their wedding, Maria sat me all the way in the back with a bunch of work colleagues of Brian's instead of at a table with the rest of my friends.

22:14 That's super weird.

22:16 She claimed it was because I was dateless and just kind of had to fit me in.

22:20 Where she could. You're single, so you have to go in the back with all these co-workers. Again, I shrugged it off.

22:28 As the years went on, I started to realize that Maria never, ever invited me to their place for dinner or.

22:33 To hang out or even... Wow! Dang, they got a kid now?

23:04 Yeah.

23:05 Time's moving quick in this story.

23:06 I was a little nervous, but Glenn told me to stop worrying. I even made them stop at a toy store and bought Mason a gift as well as flowers and wine for the hostess.

23:15 Fun.

23:15 We get to the house and Maria is not happy.

23:18 Not happy at all.

23:20 She kind of slunk back into the house as soon as she saw that I was there, but everyone else was super nice and excited to see me. I went inside to apologize to Maria for showing up uninvited and she was in the kitchen crying.

23:31 Ooh.

23:32 I tried to find out what was wrong, and then she started yelling at me, mostly in Czech.

23:38 Oh.

23:38 Eventually, she calmed down enough to yell at me in English and told me that I was ruining her marriage.

23:43 And that I should just stay away. What? That's insane. I'm so confused if I'm a P. I'm like, what's going on? Why don't you like me? I brought your child a toy.

23:55 Where's her toy?

23:55 Dang. She's like, you're ruining my marriage. You never bring me toys.

23:59 She told me that she knew about Brian and my relationship and that we had dated for years and that I had been so upset when he broke up with me, but that he couldn't be with me after I cheated on him with Glenn and that I was still pining for him.

24:11 Uh, no. Who told you that?

24:14 Wrong. I tried to tell her that I never dated Brian, but she called me a liar and stormed out of the room.

24:20 I literally go after her. I go, anyone can prove this. Yeah. Actually, I follow her out. I go, hey, guys, did I ever date Brian?

24:29 Yeah.

24:30 And everybody's like, no. That's what I thought. That's funny because Maria thinks I dated Brian. Like, Maria.

24:38 Did you date Brian?

24:39 How do I solve a problem like Maria? Brian's like, oh, yeah, you did. Remember?

24:44 In my dreams.

24:47 Wow.

24:47 So I didn't know what to say.

24:49 I went outside and asked Brian if we could talk.

24:51 He looked super shifty.

24:53 So I think he had an inkling about what went on inside. But he wouldn't go inside to talk it over with me. He told me he would talk to me once he was done grilling, so I went inside and sat there, but he never followed me in. Eventually, Helena comes over and I told her what happened and she told me that she figured eventually it would happen. Apparently, Maria had talked crap about OP before the wedding and Helena found out the story Brian had told her about me and him.

25:20 So, so Maria basically was crap talking OP to Helena and Helena found out that Brian had made up this lie about his relationship.

25:32 Oh, Brian, Brian, you little sneaky. Helena didn't feel it was right to expose the lie at the time since it wasn't really her business.

25:42 What?

25:43 Girl, yeah, it is.

25:44 I would be pissed off at Helena. I'd be like, you knew that that was a lie and she's hated me this whole time and you didn't think to say they never dated.

25:52 Yeah.

25:52 I would have been like, hey. I would, I would. Kind of distance myself from Helena. Like, that's not... I don't like that. It's not right.

26:01 Glenn finds me and Helena inside and we tell him what happened. He's kind of shocked as well since he had no idea that Brian had told Maria that story. He was not exactly happy. At this point, Brian was sitting outside staring at.

26:12 The kitchen window. Brian's out there flipping burgers. He's like.

26:17 He's hyperventilating.

26:18 Yeah. I've been found.

26:21 He looked really sad, so Helena went outside. Glenn got Jenny, and we drove home. Saturday night slash early Sunday morning, Brian texts me saying that he's sorry, but that he just couldn't tell his wife that he had been in love with me since we were in high school and blah, blah, blah.

26:37 I never texted back.

26:38 Wow.

26:39 What's the worst that you can say?

26:40 Yeah, so he's still in love with her.

26:43 Things are better if you stay.

26:45 I mean, and none of this, like, none of this is Opie's fault. No. Opie's just like, no idea this even happened. Also, your friends kind of suck. Not all of them, but like, Helena sucks. Brian obviously sucks.

26:55 Yeah.

26:56 Glenn didn't even know. Glenn's just your ex, so we ate him. Maria is just, you know.

27:02 Maria was just told lies.

27:04 Yeah. I don't know what my question is. Do I ever talk to either one of these people again? Our mutual friends are so intertwined. I'm the only one who isn't around often, so I'm guessing I should bow out? I love Helena and Brian's parents. I go to their house every Thanksgiving for dessert, and then Helena and I do a sleepover in the basement. Yes, even now that we're almost 30.

27:25 Oh.

27:26 Do I stop doing this, at least for the time being? Or do I just extract myself from them, invite people to my parents' house, and not invite Marie and Brian?

27:34 I forgot Helena and Brian are siblings.

27:37 Yes.

27:37 Yeah, so Helena and Brian are siblings, which maybe makes some sort of convoluted sense why she was like, oh, I'm not going to call Brian out. But it also makes less sense in my mind, because if I'm the sister, I'm like, uh, Brian... why did you say that? You know, like I'd feel like it was more my place to call it out. Oh, for sure.

27:56 Yeah.

27:57 Especially if you're siblings.

27:58 Yeah.

27:58 I'm calling out. I call out my siblings. Yeah, I would be pretty pissed if Helena was this close of a friend that they still have sleepovers at 30 years old. But she couldn't even tell OP. She not only didn't call out Brian, didn't tell Maria, but she also never told OP so OP could go fix it. No, literally, it's like the last story. These people just sit there.

28:22 And are like, uh.

28:24 I'm not gonna be in the middle of this. I don't wanna be involved. Yeah, I would also cut off Helena or at least distance until she apologized.

28:32 Yeah, that's crazy. There are some comments. Comment number one says, so you never dated Brian, but he told everyone you did. OP responds, Brian told his now wife Maria that we dated. He didn't tell anyone else. Brian's wife Maria told Brian's sister Helena about how much she hates me for breaking Brian's heart and that I'm a witch for cheating on Brian with Glenn.

28:53 Again, didn't happen. I dated Glenn.

28:55 No one else knows. Well, Glenn does because Helena and I told him. Comment number two says, why the heck would he tell his wife that?

29:03 It's just so weird. OP responds, I know, I know, I know, I know.

29:07 I feel itchy all over thinking about him telling his wife that I had a relationship with him. We're not Dawson's creaky at all. I mean, we've interdated, but that was in high school and college. Seven of the people in my group of friends are married. The others in serious relationships, pretty much except for me. I'm the only one you could label as single. I mean, at one point in time, I kind of thought that Brian had a crush on me. And yeah, he did say one thing one time that left me feeling a bit weirded out.

29:34 I don't fully remember, but it was when Glenn and I were in high school about how Glenn always got what he wanted.

29:39 I don't really... remember. But that was eons ago.

29:42 Brian got married like five or six years ago.

29:45 It's so weird. I really need after this story to go into the comments and see if anyone called Helena out. Yeah. It just doesn't feel like she's even on Opie's radar. Yeah.

29:57 Which is weird because I feel like her like Helena and Opie are pretty close.

30:02 Yeah.

30:03 I know. Like but I don't know if one of my friends knew that like.

30:08 Person had told a lie yeah i told someone else to make them look bad or about me yeah if my friends knew about this lie that has been not spreading but had been affecting my life exactly how people treat me um and didn't tell me i would be very offended yeah i'd be like okay like what are we doing here what are we doing update what happened next I'll just kind of tell you guys what happened next in the context of each person, since there are so many idiots, including myself, people involved in this. Maria, can I just say, poor Maria. I had no idea how much pain she was in. Helena wanted to talk to Maria, but Maria beat her to it. She came over with Mason early in the week and wanted to talk to Helena. I obviously am not privy to all

30:53 that they talked about, but what Helena did tell me was that Maria has been pretty unhappy for a while, and this was just the final straw. Her anger probably has very little to do with me. Maria doesn't work and hasn't worked since she moved to the U.S. and doesn't have any friends of her own. Okay, so she's in a, like, bad place.

31:13 Oh, Marie also probably doesn't feel like she can be close to any of his female friends because she's been poisoned against them. Yeah. Oh, he kind of like, and Helena clearly doesn't.

31:23 It's for control.

31:25 Yeah.

31:25 I thought that too. Yeah. And Helena is making no effort to create a bond with her sister-in-law.

31:32 Clearly.

31:32 Yeah.

31:33 He kind of like ousted her.

31:35 Yeah.

31:35 And that's weird.

31:36 Maria told Helena that while she wants to work on her marriage, She first wants to get away for a while. Her and Mason are headed to see her family in the Czech Republic for a few weeks. When she comes back, she wants to try counseling. She did tell Helena to apologize to me, though she doesn't want to talk to me directly. Fair enough.

31:55 No, I don't. That's not fair.

31:57 We're adults. We're adults.

31:59 We're adults. Come on. I know like it wasn't her fault. Like she was fed lies, whatever. But like you yelled at her. Yeah. And like, you know.

32:05 She does owe you an apology. Yeah, she owes you an apology. Not an apology that goes through someone else.

32:10 That's, you know.

32:11 I agree.

32:11 Nah.

32:12 Helena.

32:13 Helena and I had a heart-to-heart the following day. She apologized profusely that she didn't set Maria straight back when Maria got married to Brian.

32:20 We patched things up. She did say that instead of Thanksgiving desserts at her house.

32:24 We'd totally skip Thanksgiving this year and go on vacation somewhere. I don't know if that really solves anything.

32:28 Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's good that she apologized.

32:31 I guess.

32:32 I don't like her. Glenn. Oh, boy.

32:35 Glenn lost his crap. Him and Brian duped it out.

32:38 Whoa. Not actual fistfighting.

32:40 Okay.

32:40 But there was a ton of yelling and screaming confirmed by Jenny. Brian came over to their house to apologize. Glenn started off not saying anything, but eventually lost it. Glenn told Brian they were absolutely done. He doesn't want Brian at any function where he's going to be or where Jenny is going to be or where I am going to be.

32:58 Dang.

33:00 Brian told him basically that he wasn't going to adhere to any rules Glenn set for him. He was a free person and blah, blah, blah. I'm a bit worried that Glenn's overzealous defending his slash my honor will backfire since Brian might just start showing up at functions to mess with Glenn and provoke him. For now, Jenny's told our friend group that Glenn and Brian are having some issues and Glenn would rather not see Brian. Why don't we just tell them the truth? Yeah, why don't I think we all need to sit down.

33:28 Yeah. Like because then we don't have to worry about Glenn showing up to things because he won't be invited. Yeah. Just like clear the air.

33:34 Yeah. I mean, if you guys if you guys want to have a broken friend group, keep doing what you're doing. But if you kind of want to set things straight.

33:41 Yeah.

33:41 Yeah. Let's have a sit down conversation. Be like, all right, leave everything out on the table. Let's, you know, let's duke it out and let's just go from there. You know, if we still can't find a compromise after that, then I guess we're not really friends.

33:52 We just didn't grow together. And that's okay. I'm just ousting Glenn.

33:55 Glenn?

33:55 No, sorry. Brian. I was going to say, I was like, Glenn's gone. No, no, no. I'm just ousting Brian. I'm like individually going around to all my friends and being like, Yeah, Brian told his lie about me for years to his wife because he's in love with me. And no one did anything. And no one did anything. So, yeah, I don't really like him anymore. Yeah. Brian.

34:13 I emailed Brian something similar to what a commenter had suggested. I won't post the full text of it, but basically I told him that I was hurt and disappointed. I couldn't believe that he would sully my reputation in this way. I told him that he should clear things up with Maria. This is before I knew Maria was headed to Europe for a while. Then I added a section about the lie itself. I said I wasn't comfortable being around him anymore as I wasn't sure what his intentions were. While I wanted to keep it all via email, Brian called me incessantly and I eventually gave in and picked up.

34:42 He apologized profusely and insisted that he didn't have feelings for me, but that he didn't want to lose me as a friend.

34:49 Well, too late.

34:50 That makes no sense. But you're not a friend for doing that. That's not what friends do. Why tell that lie in the first place? Yeah. You're a crapster. There's no reason for Brian to have made up that lie unless he had feelings for Opie. Exactly. Yeah. There was no other reason. Like, I can't think of one.

35:10 I said that with all the damage he had done to my trust in him, he had already lost me as a friend. I told him to focus on his marriage and family. I asked him to respect my wishes and not be at functions or to let me know what functions he'd be at so that I could respectfully.

35:23 Decline the invitation.

35:25 Just like Glenn, he told me that he was free to do what he wants and that he's not going.

35:29 To be beholden to any rules I make. What an idiot.

35:32 Yeah. Yeah.

35:34 Okay so yeah i apologize but also i'm not gonna listen to any of your rules exactly it's like oh no like i still want to be your friend okay well no i don't trust you anymore and actually i don't want to be at any function.

35:45 Well you can't control that because i'm gonna come whenever i want to come okay i'm sending that to all my friends yeah i'm like hey if you invite him let me know you can do whatever you want but i won't be there i think a lot of people don't want to be around him like glenn's done with him OP's done with him.

36:03 Which is true. They should be.

36:05 Thus, I think I will just invite people out myself and ask them not to bring Brian.

36:11 Perfect.

36:11 As far as I'm concerned, this was the last contact I'll ever have with him. Me. Well, me, myself, and I are safely and soundly across the country where it all feels like a bad dream. I feel like something really precious has been taken away from me. I've decided I am not going to spill the beans to my other friends. If any of my other friends want to know what's going on, they should talk to Brian first.

36:32 No.

36:33 The liar? Yeah, what? The liar? They should talk to the liar first? Yeah, who's going to, like, blame it on you? Yeah, and then he's going to blame it on you, make up something, and then you're going to have to try and win back your friends.

36:46 OP, literally the whole reason this happened was because Brian talked first. So don't let him have that upper hand again.

36:54 Just be like, yeah, Brian sucks. He told a lie.

36:57 Yeah.

36:58 That's all you really have to say. Mm-hmm.

37:00 Like you're giving him the up and down. I realized this might be a risk that he'd fabricate another lie, but I'd hope my other friends would at least respect me enough to ask for my side of the story.

37:11 I don't know. Girl, just tell your side then.

37:14 Yeah.

37:14 Like, I don't, I don't understand.

37:16 Like, you know, they should ask Brian first, but they should also hear me out.

37:20 Like, what do you want? Just, I feel like you could, you know, I'm sure they'll reach out to you and be like, Hey, what happened? Why isn't Brian coming to things? You could just be like, yeah, he kind of made up this story about me to his wife and I no longer feel comfortable. Boom. That's it.

37:34 Easy.

37:34 You don't have to be like, he sucks. He's the worst. Yeah. Just literally tell the facts.

37:39 Brian also must know that if he lies again and Glenn hears about it, Glenn will tell everyone all the details about what happened. Another Redditor pointed out that Brian might have fabricated this whole lie in order to make his Being hung up on me in high school stories seemed better when he first met Maria. Maybe he didn't think it would go anywhere, and then when it did, it was too late to correct the error. I asked Brian outright if this is what happened, and he gave me a non-answer. I asked several times why he would make up a lie like that, and his only response was that without me being there at the time, I wouldn't understand.

38:11 What? Doesn't make sense. This guy's annoying. Bye! I'm going to take some time and just mourn. Aw. I know it sounds silly, but... It almost feels like someone passed away.

38:21 I am sure this Thanksgiving is going to be rough, which is why Helena and I are taking a vacay somewhere else instead of spending it with our families.

38:29 And there's a second update.

38:30 Oh, boy.

38:31 Keep it going. Keep it coming. Let's see. I got a letter in the mail from Maria. Crazy stuff.

38:37 Wow.

38:38 What do we think Maria said? I think she's going to be nicer. I'm sorry. I think she's just going to apologize. Or do you think, like, Brian got to her? Oh, yeah. He told another lie. And she's like, I knew it this whole time. You were lying. I don't know.

38:51 I feel like she's going to be like, you know, I've seen the error of my ways. I'm divorcing him. Like, I'm so sorry all this happened. Yeah, I think she's going to say, I'm sorry.

39:02 Yeah.

39:02 She wrote it sometime after sitting down with Helena. She said she was sorry to take her anger out on me. She really thought that part of the reason I hung out with that group of friends, despite having my heart broken by Brian, as she thought, was to try and get back with Brian. She said she was nervous every time because I have such an easy relationship with everyone and she's always fighting to be accepted. See, it always happens to be like projection with these things.

39:28 And that's just so sad. Well, like projection with a combo of of.

39:33 Lies yeah however she said that didn't excuse her behavior and she was very sorry oh the best part of the letter she asked me if i could give her and brian some space until their marriage was on steadier ground I sent her a short note back saying, sure thing, I'll give her all the space she needs and accepted her apology. I also sent Brian another email telling him that his wife had asked for space, giving him another reason to avoid social interaction with me.

39:57 He hasn't responded, but I'm hopeful. I would have told her, of course, I have no plans on seeing Brian ever again. Yeah. You don't have to worry about that. I don't want to see him ever. Exactly. I don't know why everyone's like holding back. I know. Kind of pissing me off. Just tell the truth. Yeah. Other than that, life's going back to normal. Okay. I hope so. Yeah.

40:18 I mean, truthfully, I'd just be done with, I mean, not that whole friend group, but obviously done with Brian. Yeah. And then I would just check out. I'm sure I would hope that Helena would tell you if Brian was coming to events and stuff.

40:34 Yeah, because she's siblings, so she probably would invite him. Yeah, she probably would know. But, I don't know.

40:39 Ryan sucks. A lot of people here suck. And, I don't know, get better friends, I guess.

40:44 All you do, Opie, is just say so long and goodnight.

40:47 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

40:50 My boyfriend is only sweet to me in public, but it's the complete opposite in private.

40:56 It's because you're his arm candy.

40:59 My boyfriend, 20 male, and I, 19 female, have been going out for nine months. We never went through a dating phase. We were just close friends who liked each other, hooked up, and are now dating. So we have a very relaxed best friend feel to our relationship. I'll admit I wanted to feel more like his girlfriend at times.

41:18 I've come to terms with us being more friends than a couple. My boyfriend has a fear of our friends picking a side when we break up since most of our friends are mutual. As a result, he always acts differently with me when we're with our friends. He'll be more affectionate publicly and try to be this ideal boyfriend to impress our friends.

41:38 Okay, you know what? We have to respect the strat, though. Zero percent. It's a strategy? He wants to make everyone love each other no matter what outcome happens?

41:49 Well, I guess... And it's just his fear. At this point, I can respect it. But I want to wait and see what the other side of the coin looks like when they're alone.

41:59 And what he does. All right, so he's sweet to you in front of his friends.

42:02 I can only respect. He's sweet in public, sweet in private. I respect that to the end of my days.

42:08 We don't know what happens in private.

42:09 A few examples of my boyfriend trying to be the ideal guy. He will only do things like cook breakfast and do dishes if my roommates are around to see him help out.

42:21 Okay. You know what to do.

42:24 He will offer to pay for me when we dine out with friends. I always decline because privately, he has never offered to pay and only does it in front of his friends.

42:34 Again, you know what card to pull.

42:37 Also, because I know he doesn't actually want to pay. I asked our cab driver to pick up our friends along the way because it was raining and my boyfriend did not want to pay for them, so I said I would. When the cab dropped us off first, he quickly paid for us. After we got inside, he asked for me to pay him back.

42:57 Beautiful. This is a great relationship.

43:01 Seems like this is the picture of how to build an equitable relationship. By the way, this story about this perfect relationship comes from Under the Bus Girlfriend. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story and I'm subreddit. I'm Dakota.

43:18 I'm Raleigh.

43:18 I'm Keon. And we're here to give good advice goofily. So maybe break out the salt shakers and have a few grains on hand. But if you have your own thoughts, why don't you go put them in the comments? We might read them and laugh and cry and hold each other at night. And OP says. Since the beginning, I've always maintained the stance of splitting the bills 50-50 because we're both broke college students. Fair enough. So I have no expectation for him to pay for me ever. But it bothers me when he only wants to pay for me if there is an audience to see it. I'm a very private person when it comes to relationships, so the PDA makes me really uncomfortable. My friends have implied to me that I should be a better girlfriend to

44:07 him because I don't seem to care for him as much publicly. Privately, I do a lot more for him. Makes me really sad because previously, I've wanted to feel like his girlfriend, but he only makes me feel special to impress our friends. To me, I just feel like this all boils down to when we break up, he gets to look like the better person because of the show he puts on in front of others.

44:33 Ah, the greatest showman.

44:35 With Hugh Jackman?

44:36 Hugh Jackman.

44:37 I feel like he's slowly pushing me under the bus. I am really happy with him when we're alone, but when we're in a group, I can't help but feel we're faking. When I look back and think about it, I get really sad. I really don't know how to address this problem with him. Please give me some advice. Well, my advice would be to call him on it right to his face. See what he does.

45:02 Girl, I don't know if you know what you have. I say keep it up.

45:06 Keep what up?

45:07 The relationship?

45:07 The bar is so low. The fact that he's paying for stuff. Some guys won't even do that.

45:12 He doesn't do that, Riley.

45:13 He does do that when friends are around. Just have a friend on call anywhere you go. That simple solution.

45:20 My real advice would be like, because clearly it's not about he needs to pay for everything. It's about the principle and that he does this purely for optics. So if you go to your partner and you say, hey, It's not that I need you to pay for everything. It's just that I feel like you make decisions to do things in public purely to look good. Because you don't do it in private.

45:48 I respect the strat, though. Because people in college get nasty when it comes to breakups.

45:53 You know, I want a little whipped cream pie to throw in your face right now.

45:58 I'm just saying. Girl, you don't know what you have. You're taking it for granted. Enjoy it.

46:03 Anyway, there are relevant comments. Tells Eternity says, you are saying when we break up, quote unquote. It sounds to me that you might have already decided that it's not worth continuing with the relationship. OP says, well, we're both really young. Remember 20 and 19. So it's likely that sometime down the road, we will break up. So we're not saying we're going to in the near future. But when we do, he thinks our friends will pick sides, which is true. They always do. And I'm happy with him aside from this problem. So I want to work past it.

46:38 Kids these days, dating not to marry.

46:40 Well, dude, that's exactly what that guy we had on, Kevin, what was it, Nahai?

46:46 Yeah.

46:47 He says that when you're younger, you date to break up, right? It's not that you do that when you're younger, but it's much more of like a comfortable thing to do when you're young. You get into a relationship and you go, well, it might not work out forever. But then as you get older... You kind of stop approaching dating in this way where it's like, well, if we break up, it's not like it's the end of the world. It's like, well, I'm dating this person because I want this to work forever.

47:12 If I have someone as a girlfriend, one day they're going to be my wife, hopefully.

47:17 There's an edit. Pretty much every single person is advising me to break it off with him. I want you to keep in mind that there are good things about him, and he does make me happy still. I would like to talk to him about the problem and attempt to fix it. If anyone can share some advice on how to approach the subject, that'd be great. Thank you for all your feedback. And we have an update three days later.

47:41 Let's get into it.

47:42 We've given our advice. They get married and have three kids.

47:45 They get married. They had three kids in three days.

47:48 One kid for every day.

47:50 Three days later. I'll be honest and say I didn't want to break up with him despite that being the general consensus. Unfortunately, it worked out that way regardless. Hey, baby, it's not unfortunate.

48:02 It's okay. There's other fellows out there for you.

48:05 You'll see that in the future.

48:08 They may pay for you in private, too.

48:09 I'm extremely sad right now, but I'm heading home this weekend to be with family. Hopefully, it'll take my mind off things. I brought the issues up in the previous thread with him, and we finally talked to the bottom of it. I guess, in retrospect, this was a long overdue talk. I always convinced myself our relationship was okay.

48:28 But as you all told me, it wasn't. It came down to our relationship being too serious for him. He just wants to go out there and have his fun. After all, we're in college.

48:40 He's 20, you're 19. It's true. If that's where you're at.

48:45 I told him I wasn't going to wait around and have him come back when he needed emotional support. I'd say we ended it amiably at the time, which was last night. But I can slowly feel myself resenting him for dragging me along all these months. It's alright, that's only natural. I just wanted to thank Reddit for pushing me to have this overdue talk. As sad and resentful as I am right now, I know when I look back in a month or so, it would be for the best. It's just very bittersweet. Thank you to those who shared their advice. And that is the end.

49:17 Of that story.

49:18 They're going through their... first college breakup that's so sad.

49:23 Won't be the last well i mean maybe i don't know at least you got some good meals out of the girl at least you got some good meals in public in private he's like i'm venmoing you 297 dollars for the last three months I'm requesting.

49:37 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

49:41 My boyfriend purposely broke our boundaries with his co-worker just to spite me?

49:46 Oh, I hope he's your ex-boyfriend now.

49:49 We have had fights about a particular co-worker because they were spending a lot of time texting and FaceTiming together outside of work? Keon, what are the ages here?

50:01 You got it. Let me check.

50:03 Computer.

50:04 Tell us.

50:04 The ages of all these guys and gals.

50:07 OP, 32 female. Boyfriend, 35 male.

50:12 Oh, we're in our 30s.

50:13 Do we know the co-worker yet?

50:15 We're in our golden years.

50:17 He is her boss, and they work very closely together. The last fight we had, it was agreed that he keep things professional from now on. Because the communication was excessive, and I was not comfortable with it. I want to add, I am not a jealous person. He has plenty of female friends that I don't think twice about or complain about.

50:38 But I have specific reasons why their friendship outside of work made me uncomfortable. She is the only one I've asked him to limit contact with. Today, I found out he had spent the last couple of weeks talking to her on the phone outside of work for long periods of time.

50:58 Wow.

51:01 So that's purely... Platonic, right?

51:06 I calmly asked him about it and what was going on slash why it was happening again after we agreed to set boundaries. His response was that we were fighting and he did it purposefully to hurt me.

51:21 Okay, so that's an immediate turn around on my heels and leave?

51:28 Turn around, bright eyes.

51:31 Well, if you want the world to be blind, she should do it too.

51:34 I'm not Hammurabi. That was his, an eye for an eye was Hammurabi's code. Back in the day, it was like the first, it was like the first law. He was just like, well, if you, if you poked out his eye, you gotta get your eye poked out.

51:48 Thank you for the man's friend.

51:49 Yeah, Hammurabi was kind of a G.

51:50 He spent large amounts of time on the phone with another woman to make me feel hurt because we were fighting. By the way, this comes from GreenFloor46, and if you want to see my own stories, You know exactly where to go. I am Riley Wilson.

52:04 I am Dakota Payne.

52:06 And I am Keon Miller.

52:07 And us gentlemen are going to read this story goofily. If you have anything you'd like to add, please add it down below. I feel like my trust has been completely violated. They spend time on the phone at late night hours. We work graveyard. But still, this has been happening while they were both off. And I was at work.

52:26 None the wiser. Not once, but multiple nights over the last couple of weeks. I feel humiliated. I am feeling like this is a deal breaker for me. This seems really inappropriate and immature. Like he went running to another woman for comfort. A woman he knows very well I am not comfortable with. I guess I'm just looking for feedback as to whether I'm overreacting or this is just really crappy of him and I have a right to be upset. Any answers are appreciated. What do you think?

52:57 What should I do about this? Is it a violation of our relationship enough to consider breaking up?

53:02 Update.

53:02 Okay, OP. Did you consider that maybe he's throwing you a surprise birthday party and you're just being crazy, Luno? Think about that.

53:10 Do you consider that you're crazy and your boyfriend's perfect and you should let him.

53:15 Do whatever you want?

53:17 Sounds like she didn't.

53:19 Yeah, because that'd be the wrong thing to consider. Of course you have a right to be upset. We all have a right to be upset, but... We don't have the right to say that the way that we feel about something means someone absolutely has to do something else. Which means if your boyfriend is willing to do this to you, you should break up with him.

53:38 Update! So, as I mentioned, once we were both home from work, I told him, we need to talk. The conversation went like this. By this time, he thought I had gotten over it by now. and said he thought we were moving past this. I will say this is a trend with him, never wanting to spend much time listening and working through issues. I said this is a huge deal breaker for me in and of itself. The fact that it's not important to you to resolve issues with your partner, and that my feelings around serious issues annoy you, are not considered or flat out don't seem to matter to you. And to speak of deal breakers, you seem to be very comfortable with disrespecting me, whether it's speaking to me in a derogatory manner or thinking

54:27 you have the right to feel freely to do things that cross common sense boundaries in a relationship. Okay, you didn't even talk about the way he talked to you. Oh my gosh.

54:38 Sounds like this guy's bad news all around.

54:41 I should not be viewed or treated like someone who is beneath you or expected to adopt a shut up and take it approach. and accepting whatever treatment I get from you. The conversation took a sharp left, with me being questioned as why I look for things to be unhappy about, and constantly criticize him. If you refer back to my last two posts, I'd hardly call that a woman who is nagging or criticizing a man out of thin air. I am responding to a very serious instance of disrespect. He also accused me of cheating with several people I haven't spoke to since we've been together. Any number I still have in my phone that belongs to a male means I'm saving it with bad intentions or already cheating with them. Side note, I changed my number

55:30 after getting with him and very few people have it. He got his best friends involved and said they all agreed that it was weird I have such a huge problem with this female coworker that it seems as if I have a guilty conscience and Because I must be the one who's cheating. And that's why I'm trying so hard to make his communication with this coworker seem wrong.

55:53 And Heather Marie flipping it right back on him. If he's accusing you of cheating, he's guilty. What am I living in the freaking twilight zone? So not only is there no accountability most of the time for anything he's done, I'm at fault for any problems going on in our relationship for having any kind of emotion or And I'm suspicious for calling him out on things that I'm not comfortable with. The rest of the conversation was spent with him antagonizing me repeatedly over and over saying I've been caught and that he's a better person for having overlooked this until now because he actually loves me. Cherry on top. Wow, dude, I.

56:36 This guy, what school did this guy go to? Holy cow. This is textbook.

56:42 He went to Alabama.

56:45 Alabama?

56:45 I don't know.

56:46 Roll Tide.

56:47 He went to Northwestern. What's their mascot? They're Northwesterners.

56:51 No. I think it's a cat or like a lion.

56:54 I know this guy be lying. Oh, there we go. Full circle.

56:58 All of their mascots are lions because they always be lying.

57:01 Blah, blah, blah.

57:01 That's what I'm talking about, Maine.

57:02 Maine. That's right, Gucci.

57:05 B-A-R-F.

57:07 Needless to say, and hopefully you can spell that out. I ended the relationship. I'm going to focus on being a mother now. What, you have a kid?

57:16 What?

57:17 Why did you now just say that?

57:19 Maybe you should have done that the whole time.

57:21 What?

57:22 Wait, what? Wait, what?

57:24 Oh, my head hurts.

57:25 I guess it makes sense they have a kid together. She's like 32. He's 35.

57:28 She just didn't.

57:29 It wasn't relevant in the story, I guess.

57:31 Thank you, everyone, for reading this and giving me comfort and reassurance. Bless you. I didn't sneeze. That was great.

57:38 Phenomenal. Fantastic.

57:41 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host here. We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My boyfriend kept delaying his marriage proposal to me and I'm tired of it.

57:58 Do it right now.

58:00 My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four years. We both turned 27 this year And since forever, my goal in life is to get married at 24 and start trying for kids at 26 or 27 years old. My boyfriend knows this. Since we first started dating, I've told him I wanted kids before I'm 30 or at least to start trying for them. The reason being having more energy to raise them and knowing I'll probably have trouble conceiving, which TMI, I have very irregular periods and my parents took 14 years of trying before they had my brother. A couple years ago when I was talking to my boyfriend about this, we had agreed to delay my want for marriage to a later age than 24 as he was still in school. I

58:40 graduated at 23, but he graduated in December of 2017 and started his job in February of 2018. I explicitly told him that I wanted to be married ideally by 27 years old. So age 26 comes to knock it. And no engagement yet. And from what I know, no engagement is coming either.

59:01 Plans change sometimes.

59:03 So I bring it up again, which I've brought it up a couple times before, but not in a serious way, more like just a, sharing reminder with him when our friends are getting engaged on facebook or when we attend friends weddings together even his brother-in-law brought.

59:19 Up so we need to get married our kids need to have more cousins to play with.

59:23 But this time i ask seriously i say hey are we ever gonna get married you know, I want to get married before 28 so we can try for kids before 30, right? We're Asian. Having kids before you're married is generally frowned upon. He replies along the lines of.

59:41 He wants to get married.

59:43 But not yet.

59:44 Okay.

59:45 End of story for that conversation, apparently. By the way, this comes from a deleted user. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota.

59:55 I'm Riley.

59:55 I'm Keon.

59:56 And we're going to read this story and give our thoughts. We're going to try to make it as good as possible, but break out the salt shakers, people, because we don't have all the answers. But we're going to try our best. Really, we're just here to be entertaining. And we want to know what you have to say, so put it in the comments and we'll read it. And OP says, A few months ago, I really started feeling stuck in life.

1:00:17 I have a history of clinically diagnosed depression, but right now I am no longer on medication. My career is stable. Relationships with friends and family are pretty good and drama-free. But I just feel like my life isn't moving, and it's probably because my biggest goals in life, I've always wanted to be married and have my own house and be a mom, are nowhere in sight, and I literally can't do any of these things on my own, even if I wanted to own a house. Where I come from, you literally can't buy public housing unless you're married or you're 35 years old, and private housing is too expensive to buy on your own. So I reach out to him again and tell him about this. I'm frustrated. And I ask him to give me reasons why he doesn't

1:00:56 want to get married. That's a good question. His answers were along the lines of, just because other people are getting married or telling us to get married doesn't mean we should let them rush our judgment. Marriage is an important decision. And I need to be sure that everything's right. Well, it's been four years. I'm procrastinating and confused. I don't feel confident. Some days I feel useless, which I just pulled out his email on the notes he sent me about this, which I asked him to send me because I'm more of a reader than a talker. I don't know, dude.

1:01:28 The tail end of all that just sounded like, I don't know if I want to marry you.

1:01:31 Yeah, he just doesn't know how to put it and actually go through with it. In a relationship, out of convenience.

1:01:38 Before the conversation, I wrote a very long note for him as well on the reasons I want to get married and what it means to me. I felt really exhausted at the end of the conversation and basically told him that if he's not interested in getting married, maybe I should move out. We're both quite aware that if I move out, it kind of means it's over. He cried and he said that he doesn't want to hold me back if he doesn't make me happy, but he really does want to get married to me. He asked me what it would take for me to stay, and I told him that I needed, at the very least, some sort of plan to show that he has intentions of marrying me. We agreed to have talks once every two weeks on various topics that would make him comfortable

1:02:23 enough to want to get married. We had these talks for about two months, and then they stopped. I haven't reminded him about these talks because I'm just so tired of feeling so one-sided about this situation. Logically, there is no reason why we shouldn't get married. I could contest that, but I'm not here to do that today.

1:02:43 Emotionally, it doesn't sound like you guys are on the same page, though. I'm just confused why he still wants you around. Four years? Does he have a secret? Is he already married and he can't get married again?

1:02:54 I think nowadays, I don't know, but my guess would be the biggest fear that people have when they get married is that it's going to end in just like my life is imploding, I'm losing half of my income that I must pay now in perpetuity, and this is terrible, and whatever. It's like, people are like, once you get locked in and then it goes bad, it gets sideways.

1:03:18 I mean, we read stories all the time about people getting divorces, and then it's like, and I lost all of my money to the court.

1:03:24 Okay, so you think it's a financial thing? It's too expensive? Keon, what do you think?

1:03:27 I think that's where the 20-somethings are at.

1:03:29 I think he's just coasting.

1:03:31 Okay. Just participating?

1:03:33 He's just like, Yeah, I have a partner and she wants to get married. I'll keep lying to her and just see how far it goes.

1:03:41 It's ridiculous of him to do this when from, like you said, the very beginning, you were like super clear about your intentions with marriage and even the timeline of it. And then you turn 24 and he's like, ah, we'll just push it on down to 26.

1:03:56 People say things and people do things. Which one speaks louder?

1:04:01 The doers.

1:04:03 And we know what he's not doing.

1:04:05 Not proposing.

1:04:06 And he's not having those talks with you anymore. That's like a clear sign of he's not going to make any sort of progress on this.

1:04:12 OP continues. We're both in a good place financially. We both work in tech and we have calculated our finances and we'd have enough to cover both the cost of the wedding and the down payment of a house at this moment. Our families approve us. Our careers are in a good position. We love each other. We both want kids.

1:04:29 We've been together and living together for years. and have had no major conflict so far. Even he has admitted that he is procrastinating. Right now, I'm just disappointed and tired. I feel unwanted. I know logically I'm still considered young and have years to try for kids, but I feel like if it doesn't happen in the next couple years, I'm going to hate him forever for denying me one of my life goals. Thanks for reading. If you've managed to get all the way down here, Should I hold on with the risk of ending up resenting him, or should I break it off and give up the dream I've had my entire life? There's an edit, but.

1:05:06 Everyone, put your theories down right now. Alvin says, so commitment issues, he can't commit. But what he has for the past four years is the confusing part.

1:05:14 I think the main crux to this, unfortunately, doesn't even really lie in OP's partner. I think that the big crux for OP is the dream of being married at X time, at X age... Don't know if it's going to happen. It's not going to happen whether you stay with him. It's not going to happen whether you break up with him. So at the end of the day, the real issue is you're going to have to let go of that idea that you've had. And it's really, really hard to do when you've been thinking it your entire life.

1:05:46 Yeah, and that's kind of been your purpose in life too. Your dream, like this is what I'm going to accomplish. That's tough. It feels like she wants to get married for marriage sake and he happens to be the guy she's dating.

1:05:59 Yeah, it does. It's like, I think they care about each other. But her thing is, it's like, there's a finish line and I have to cross it before this time where I lost. And it's like, it's a fixation. But it's also fair if you just want to be married. And he's like, I don't know. I kind of don't. Let's check back in later. And then you guys just never do it. Neither of you are behaving in a sustainable way for the relationship.

1:06:25 Yeah, agreed.

1:06:26 Edit, I'll bring up the conversation again in the near future and probably suggest counseling and ask for an actual plan. I didn't actually expect that the words I've been telling myself seem to be the general consensus. I was honestly expecting to be called demanding and some nasty names. I think that also speaks volumes to your, you know, baseline anticipating just saying it out loud is like, yeah, I'm bad and wrong and everything sucks and I'm demanding. I think there's a lot going on maybe you guys could figure out outside of a relationship. So, finally had another talk with him about it and insisted he give me a firm date. Our current target right now is to be married before we turn 29. So, before late 2021.

1:07:10 Over the weekend, before we had our talk where I made him give me a latest by date, but after I made a comment about what happened to our fortnightly talks. He brought me to a few different jewelry shops to look at engagement rings. Oh, nice. He was surprisingly knowledgeable about rings. It seems like he has actually been doing research.

1:07:31 For example, he knew what the different parts of the ring are called.

1:07:35 Whoa.

1:07:36 That's the shiny part. That's the holdy together part.

1:07:40 That's the rock and that's the metal. And then that's the part you put your finger in. He suggested me holding out my hand at particular angles to look at it and knew about the seas of diamonds. I didn't even know the band part of a ring could have different designs until we looked at a few pieces. We tried on many different engagement rings and also wedding bands to match the engagement rings with. He asked the shop about possible customization options and asked them for the model numbers written on the name card of the salesperson who attended to us. It was kind of fun... Personally, I was more concerned about how the design of the band looked, but he seemed concerned about whether it can fit a.

1:08:22 5 carat diamond, which I'm guessing is what he wants to buy, although the size of a diamond doesn't really matter to me at all. I think he likes tradition. If any questions come in on why I was basically picking out my own ring, which doesn't even need to be questioned because it's a very normal thing to do, well, I told y'all he's an overthinker. He doesn't want to buy something I don't like. What do you guys think?

1:08:44 Right now, to me, it seems like he has put thoughts about this independently by doing research and is not just thinking about it only when I say something. And there is an update.

1:08:55 Number two. Honestly, what's your gut feeling on this? That's what I'd ask you first, OP. The fact that he knows different parts of a ring, he's put thought into it. He has thought about marrying you and what that looks like.

1:09:05 I think you guys need to work this out in couples counseling so that he and you can both at the same time get to the bottom of what makes him reluctant to get married. And what really makes you so driven to be married by a certain time.

1:09:21 It seems like he's uncomfortable. Doesn't know how to say it to you. You're close. This is a great step though. I like it.

1:09:31 The direction we're heading in is in resolution.

1:09:35 Not resolute.

1:09:37 Update number two. So much has happened over the last year.

1:09:41 Oh, let's go.

1:09:44 It's been a year.

1:09:45 We're still together.

1:09:46 There were sadly passings in the family. Less let's go energy for that. A new job. A house move among the most notable happenings. I could feel myself going into the state similar to the height of my depression around the time that I posted the original post last year. It wasn't just my relationship, but it was my job, my friendships, my place, and the other activities I'm involved with.

1:10:09 So, did he propose... Did he do it? Let's all put our guesses in right now. One for yes, two for no. Keon, what do you think?

1:10:20 I'm going with one.

1:10:22 Yes, he did.

1:10:23 At least, like, got the ring. She knows about it.

1:10:27 They're engaged.

1:10:27 They're engaged.

1:10:29 Think so, too, Dakota? I think they're putting in the work.

1:10:32 I think it's a two. I don't think they are.

1:10:34 Oh.

1:10:35 All right.

1:10:35 Here we go.

1:10:36 Let's find out. Despite the advice here, I wasn't willing to let go of my relationship yet.

1:10:42 And I don't regret it. More on that later.

1:10:45 So I changed the other aspects of my life that I could change. The most important one being that I quit my job that I realized I was beginning to hate and got a significantly higher paying one with much better bosses too. I also moved out, picked up a couple new life skills and started doing things independently. I've also seen a gyna and it looks like everything is fine and normal on that front.

1:11:09 Oh, for children.

1:11:11 For her dino... gino.

1:11:14 For her fertile nest.

1:11:16 A dynamic gynamic.

1:11:18 I'm not a dynamic, but I'll take a look.

1:11:20 I'm not dynamic, but I support anything anyone chooses to do, as long as it's not hurting anybody.

1:11:24 Or making people feel sad.

1:11:26 Doing these really helped improve my mental state. I still want those things as I described in my previous post, but I felt better about myself, even if I didn't get those things in life. But anyway... He came through with an awesomely planned proposal and I've been engaged for a few months now.

1:11:44 Called it.

1:11:45 They did it.

1:11:46 Give me my money.

1:11:47 I lost a bet.

1:11:48 We already have a date to be married early next year. Hopefully things with David won't spill into 2021.

1:11:56 Oh no. Been there. We know what happens.

1:11:58 We know the future. I have bad news. The reason why I don't regret not letting go of the relationship is because he's been so involved in planning our future over the last few months, like finances and housing and Cultural pre-wedding things. So I know he is serious and he is finally ready, which is completely different from when I made the first post. I will be deactivating this account because I don't need it anymore. I'm in a better place mentally, married or not. Thanks for the input, everyone.

1:12:26 That's the end of that story.

1:12:27 Let's go. All right. That's pretty solid, dude. I like it. I like it a lot. Well, that was a good story.

1:12:36 I'm glad they're engaged.

1:12:36 It looks like she'll have babies within the near future.

1:12:40 And that's the end of this story.