I am meeting my EX's newborn... and I don't think his girlfriend is thrilled! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP3075

0:00 Hey, this is Keon.

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0:11 I'm meeting my ex's newborn, and I don't think his girlfriend is thrilled.

0:14 Well, that makes sense. Hey, guys.

0:17 So a few years ago, when I, now 24 female, was ages 20 to 21, I dated a man. Let's call him Toby, 31 male, for a year and a half. He was 29 to 30 during this time. It was a serious relationship and we ended up breaking up reasonably amicably because he was ready for a family marriage. And at age 21, I wasn't and didn't foresee myself being ready until my late 20s. Maybe he shouldn't have dated a 20-year-old if he wanted someone ready for marriage.

0:45 Ooh, and that's the truth, brother.

0:48 I guess technically I ended it, but he didn't resist and acknowledged it was the best course of action since we saw different futures for the relationship. Anyways, we didn't talk for a few months, Toby's request, plus his new job took him out of state. As a coincidence, after college, I moved to his state for work. We met for dinner and caught up. He told me he had started dating again. This is about a year after the breakup at this point, and was seeing this girl who we will call Toby.

1:13 25 female.

1:15 This made me happy because I was nervous he retained feelings for me. And so I felt like we couldn't really be friends. But this made me feel like it truly was platonic and relaxed a lot. Anyway, we texted sporadically. I'm talking like, hey, how's it going?

1:29 Like once a month. Over the course of this, I found out he and Julie had broke up.

1:34 Oh.

1:34 He ended it because he didn't see a future with her.

1:39 He just can't see the future at all. He's not an oracle. He's blind. I guess so.

1:45 I guess she also would get mad about his past relationships, namely me and the girl he dated before me for five years. Since they had broken up, I didn't consider this a disrespectful conversation to have to Julie. By the way, this comes from good luck, Charlotte. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

2:02 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

2:03 I'm Keon.

2:04 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

2:07 We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments.

2:10 And Opie says. Anyway, then one day he suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. I didn't try avidly to get in touch with him. I figured either he didn't want to talk or was busy or whatever. He deleted his Facebook and Instagram, both, but his brother still posted the occasional thing with him, so I knew he hadn't passed away.

2:27 Oh, good.

2:27 Something like that. I always think that.

2:29 Like eight months later, I got a text from him announcing that he and Julie had just had.

2:33 A baby who we'll call Luke. Ooh. Julie his ex? Lukey. Okay. Lukey.

2:42 I was and am thrilled for him. I know how bad he's always wanted to be a dad. I guess she found out she was pregnant a month after they broke up.

2:49 Oh, dang.

2:50 And then got back together and she asked him not to contact me during her pregnancy. It is pretty wild that he's messaging his ex, especially when he knows Julie is uncomfortable with that and like his relationship with his exes in general.

3:04 Yeah, this is a sticky situation.

3:11 He asked if he could tell me after the baby was born, and she said yes, hence the text. He mentioned that they're trying to make it work for the baby's sake, but that it's been really hard. Yeah, he said he didn't see a future with Julie, but now he's stuck.

3:22 With the future. Oh, now the future is in your future. The future's futuring. You made a future.

3:31 Look out, here he comes.

3:34 Not the happy family life I envisioned when I was initially thrilled for him. But still, he loves Luke so much. I suggested family counseling and he said he had suggested it, but she was resistant. At this point, I just want to mention that over the course of mine and Toby's relationship, I got close to his family as he to mine.

3:51 His mom unexpectedly passed away and I helped him through that as his mom's side of the family was really far away. I don't intend to ever have a close relationship or friendship with him. But I do care about him a lot and his family, including a nephew whose birth I was in the hospital for and helped teach to walk.

4:08 Wow.

4:09 We were friends for two full years before anything romantic transpired between us.

4:13 That is even worse. That means you're 18. Well, technically that's of age.

4:22 He said you're of age. We're going to be friends for two years. And then when you're 20, I'm going to date you. Uh-oh, she can vote now.

4:29 Come get her. Come get her. She's a free woman. She's about to go voting.

4:37 So I always felt like more of a friend than a girlfriend, which in retrospect was a contributing factor to me not wanting to marry him, probably. Anyway, Luke is almost a year old now. Toby had mentioned a few months ago that he wanted me to meet Luke. I said I would absolutely love to, but that I didn't want to step on any toes, so just let me know when it's okay and I'm there. He said that, yeah, Julie still brings me up in fights. He didn't elaborate, so I don't know what that means exactly, but I can get the gist of it. Sounds like it's not okay for you to go visit Luke.

5:06 Yeah, and I don't really understand why you would need to. If it's not going to be anything, you know, it's not like you're pursuing each other trying to, like, mend the relationship or anything. Also sounds like you don't even really want to be friends with him either. Yeah, it's kind of like, leave this in the past, you know? Yeah.

5:22 He's made a future. He's futurizing. Leave the past in the past for the future.

5:30 I don't know exactly what you mean, but I agree. He contacted me a few days ago saying he and Julie are doing better and that Julie has agreed to meet me, Luke and Toe, next weekend when they are in the city. I absolutely do not want to F this up. How could I communicate to Julie that I don't want to steal her baby's father from her or break up their family and that my feelings for Toby are purely platonic? And I've been excited to meet Luke the same way I'd be excited to meet any friend's baby.

5:55 I feel like point blank saying all of that would be presumptuous and make it way worse. Is there anyone who has been in Julie's situation that can tell me what would make them feel more at ease? I was thinking of bringing a present for Luke and like a card addressed to both Julie and Toby, congratulating them on one year of parenthood or something. Addressed to both to acknowledge that I see them as a unit.

6:15 Or is that weird? I don't think that's weird.

6:18 To OP, maybe. But to Julie, probably weird. I don't know.

6:24 See, I don't know. I wouldn't like that. If like... Yeah, if I were... If this was my... partner's ex, who is... I'd be like, okay, she's trying. Like, I would feel less if she just... sent a gift to him and the baby, I would address it to both of them. I agree.

6:40 I think you just got to have that conversation with Julie. Not like, I don't know.

6:45 Oh, I don't want to.

6:47 If I were Julie, I would not want to have a conversation with my partner's ex.

6:51 No, I wouldn't either. And I wouldn't want her to meet the baby either. Personally, I'd be like, if my.

6:56 Partner had an amicable relationship with an ex to the point where... It made sense that they would meet the baby. I think I would be most comfortable if they sent that letter addressing both of us. And if they were to meet the baby, I'd be like, okay, I want me there at all times.

7:13 Yeah.

7:13 I don't want you alone ever. Yeah.

7:15 Not that I don't trust my partner, but I feel like that I understand why that would make Julie upset.

7:20 OP continues.

7:21 Again, note that my contact with Toby is limited to a brief four to five text convo around once a month where he asks me about work and I ask him how his family is. And he sends me pics of himself and Julie with Luke.

7:33 I'm sorry, but I don't understand if you're like, you're really not a thing. Yeah. You're hardly friends. You text one to five times a month. You're like, oh, you're right. Like, I don't know. I don't really need to meet your kid.

7:46 Also, he is pretty introverted and doesn't have a ton of friends in the state. So I don't find it strange that he wants to maintain a friendship with me.

7:52 But maybe I'm wrong. And there is an update more than two weeks later. But what do you guys think?

7:59 Do we go and send a letter just to both of them or send a gift just to both of them?

8:03 Do we not go and kind of leave the past in the past? That's two. I guess I would. I wouldn't meet, but I would send a gift to be like, oh, you know, address to both of them. Be like, congratulations. Here's something for, you know. Baby Lukey.

8:17 Yeah.

8:18 Say, like, I'm so happy for you guys, for both of you. I'm really happy for everyone involved in this situation, except for me.

8:27 Yeah.

8:28 We do have an update. More than two weeks later, well, most of you were right. Kind of. Right. About what? What did everyone say? I already know I'm right.

8:36 I was following through with the plan to meet them. On one hand, that probably made things worse, but on the other hand, it was kind of a boat is already sinking type situation, and you'll see why in a moment. Two nights before we were supposed to meet, Toby texts me saying Julie won't be coming after all. And that's when I said, nor either will I.

8:54 Yeah.

8:54 And that's like, oh, actually, I just remembered I can't come either. Can't make it. Because I can only be in the room with you and your ex.

9:01 Yeah.

9:02 Exes only. You mean you and Julie, her partner. Oh, I thought they weren't even together. No, they got back together. Because of Luke. Yeah.

9:11 Oh.

9:11 That's why we've had this whole conversation, because Julie was coming. I thought she was just calling... Okay. Yeah, so Julie is uncomfortable.

9:19 Julie is uncomfortable about OP's relationship with Toby.

9:24 Because they are currently trying to make their relationship work.

9:28 Then, yeah.

9:28 Yeah.

9:29 I could meet him and Luke at his grandparents' house, also in the city we're going to meet at. I responded, are you sure? We could always take a rain check and try again when Julie's free. Because up until that point, I had really convinced myself that Julie also wanted to meet. And so her suddenly dropping out really confirmed all your suspicions.

9:46 He just responded, nope, we're staying at my grandparents' the next couple days anyway, come on by.

9:50 So I did. Hope he's got no gut feelings. OP's like, I don't know. Maybe this could be good for us. Maybe everyone wants me there. Maybe Julie really wanted me to see Luke alone. Yeah, like, literally, what would be the point of going? Like, I don't have any connection to this guy. I don't really care. Like, you know, yeah, we're friends, I guess. But, like, I don't need to meet your child. I guess.

10:12 Call me rude.

10:13 OP says, you were right. Julie really didn't.

10:17 Want to meet me. Three nights before we were supposed to all meet, Toby woke up around 2 a.m. to Julie getting a text. He said the number wasn't saved, but it said, you up, babe? With no preceding conversation, so he proceeded to snoop through the rest of her phone.

10:32 This is not where I thought this was going.

10:35 Facebook Messenger revealed it was her ex, Derek, and she'd been texting him on and off for a few months, usually when Toby was working. He works for a contractor that sends him overseas for a few weeks at a time. Then he's home for a few weeks. Not really anything too incriminating, but calling each other babe and making references to hanging out.

10:52 See you later. Does nine work, et cetera, but nothing overly spicy.

10:56 He said he didn't feel sad at all, just disgusted, got out of bed and began grabbing some clothes for himself and stuff for the baby. Julie woke up, he confronted her and they had this explosive fight where she said she wouldn't have had to text X if he wasn't still hung up on me, how he probably wanted me to replace her as Luke's mom, et cetera. The yelling woke baby up, so he went to go get him and Julie followed him out, basically said there was no way in heck Toby was leaving with Luke Luke was hers, not his.

11:24 What were they going to do? Come stay with me? And so forth. Toby said he told her that.

11:28 He and I were just friends, unlike her and Derek, and that he and Luke were going to his grandparents till she cooled off. I guess they argued all night until it was time for Julie to go to work. Toby told her when she got home, they'd both be at the grandparents' house. Julie said she'd call the police if he took Luke out of the house, and Toby said, try.

11:46 God, what a freaking mess this is.

11:48 Yeah, we're going to pause there because that is not where I expected the story to go at all. I really thought Toby was going to be the bad guy here.

11:57 Turns out it's Julie. Turns out everyone. I mean, I don't even think OP is innocent, truthfully. I don't know. Everyone's all over the freaking place in this story. What's going on? It's Monday. It's Monday. We just had a long weekend. It's Monday. Literally. What's going on here? Yeah, that is pretty wild. This is a whole like another conflict.

12:16 Like this is a whole nother story now.

12:17 No, I know.

12:18 I was like, okay, we're about to find out that Toby is in love with OP. And then it was like, nope, cheating, cheating. Yay.

12:28 So that was three nights prior to me meeting Toby and Luke. And Julie hasn't contacted Toby once, although he hasn't tried to contact her at all either.

12:35 Guess she didn't call the cops. But she's alive because she's.

12:39 Been posting on social media unrelated to the drama, fortunately. Why does Opie always jump to they're unalive? She did that with Toby. She's like, he's still alive. Don't worry, he's alive.

12:48 I wasn't thinking that.

12:51 In our conversation, Toby basically took responsibility for the fight and told me that he never loved Julie and had only been staying with her because she had made it clear if they weren't together, she would fight for full custody and would win since Toby's job does send him overseas for weeks at a time, whereas she works part time at a local place. He actually got teary eyed at this point and said he couldn't imagine not coming home to Luke every night when he was in town and not being able to see him whenever he wanted.

13:16 I don't know the extent of their relationship before. I guess I had assumed they were serious, but it turns out they dated less than two months before he broke up with her because he wasn't feeling it.

13:27 Which honestly, two months is around a.

13:28 Reasonable time to be like, hey, I'm not feeling a romantic connection.

13:32 Yeah. True. You don't want to waste anyone's time if you're not feeling it.

13:36 Perhaps this is a good time to say wear protection until you are sure.

13:42 And this is brought to you by protection. Protection. This is brought to you by Trojan. Use it. No, it's not. Sorry. No free sponsors. But I will sponsor protection. Then a couple weeks later when she told them she was pregnant.

13:53 She has to get back together, and he said okay. He admitted to me he knows now it was a huge mistake to agree to get back together with her when he knew he didn't want to instead of just trying to co-parent slash give support as the baby's father. He told me they have never said I love you over the course of their two years of involvement.

14:10 Zang.

14:11 And that he thought he'd grow to love her because of Luke, but he only grew to resent her more over time.

14:16 Yeah, I don't think this was a very good setup to begin with. I think very much you just kind of, you know, he wanted a family, but he didn't really think it through, and now you're stuck with the worst family. Yeah.

14:30 Maybe.

14:31 I don't know. You know, you do you, but OP, I still don't think you should be involved in any of this. Yeah, this is, like, getting too complicated now.

14:41 It's too messy. It's too messy. If it's not simple or easy and it gets too sticky.

14:45 Yeah. Yeah. It's already messy with two people. Yeah. Now you added the baby. And you added the ex's ex.

14:53 Yeah.

14:53 And also, OP's just still in there. So there's like five, six people involved now.

14:59 Yeah. What's going on?

15:01 Grandma's also in it.

15:02 I feel like Toby just likes to make things really stressful.

15:05 Yeah, I agree.

15:07 I think it's I don't know if I only had an acquaintance type relationship with an ex to the point where I literally texted them maybe four times a month. And then they started getting me involved in their insane parenting. Like I'd be out having custody of their child drama.

15:25 I'd be like, hey, let's step back. I don't actually feel super comfortable with you involving me on this. So I don't really want to do this anymore.

15:32 Bye.

15:34 Toby more like noby toby mcguire more like toby my buyer.

15:40 Oh thank you yeah that was good yeah i get it what there's a little bit left.

15:52 He owns the house that he and julie live in and pays the full mortgage but he said he obviously isn't gonna punt her out because they're family Just that he's now more sure than ever that they shouldn't be together romantically. Because he didn't even feel jealous or sad when he saw that she had been meeting up with Derek.

16:07 He just felt pissed and taken advantage of. He has another week of leave and is planning on staying in his grandparents with Luke until then. It was super awkward for me to listen to.

16:15 Him talk about. Yeah. I was over there about two hours and then left. Oh, this was all in person. You're all right. I shouldn't have agreed to meet them.

16:23 I can't help but feeling that their breakup was coming anyway. But my involvement definitely accelerated it. I mean, I guess that's good for him. That's the end of the.

16:31 Story, guys.

16:32 Oh, what?

16:32 That was it?

16:34 That's the end of the story.

16:35 Well, I hope, OP, you.

16:37 Stay far away from that. I hope that never crosses you. I hope you've learned a lesson. Yeah, I hope you have gone home and really thought about all this and said, hmm, who do I want in my life? And I hope that Toby does not come to mind.

16:50 Yeah.

16:51 Because he's got his own things. He's got his own things. You don't need to be involved with it. You don't need a kid. You don't need to deal with baby drama.

16:58 Yeah.

16:59 Bye. You're 21. No, wait, no, sorry. I hope he's 24 now. But you were very young. And that's the end of the story. We're going to go on to the next one. My ex-girlfriend dumped me because of my past. Now she came crawling back and you can crawl right back out. My ex-girlfriend, I'll call her Emily, and I first started dating in 2010. Not long after meeting at university through some mutual friends. It was around the beginning of the fall semester. I was 22, senior, and she was 20, sophomore. Although I never joined a fraternity or sports team, I made a lot of friends and they always let me sleep at their places after parties. I think that's so funny to be like, although I didn't do these two things, the only way you can make friends,

17:40 somehow I still managed. I also did not join any of that. Nor did I. Still had friends. Nor did I. Look at us.

17:49 Actually, I was going to sororities and just eating a bunch of food. It was great.

17:53 I made a lot of friends and they always let me sleep at their places after parties. So I was fairly successful with girls there and didn't really have any relationships throughout college. I work out five days a week and have been told that I have an 8, 9 out of 10 face. Who told you that? I met Emily at a bonfire celebrating my friend's return from overseas.

18:14 And she was the first girl that I really wanted to spend more time with. She was very well-spoken and insightful. And although she was far from the most attractive girl I'd pursued, she was still pretty cute. That's horrible. Never tell her that. You need to take a step down, bud. Your ego is a little too high.

18:34 Again, this is coming from a guy with an 8 to 9 out of 10 face.

18:37 Yeah, he's got an 8 to 9 ego. So he can basically do whatever he wants. He can do whatever he wants. So I quickly got her number. We hung out two or three times each week, but she was always kind of resistant every time I tried to make a move. Normally, I would have just given up, but she kept showing me more and more interest as time went by, but she held her ground. Also, I wasn't having spicy sleep with any other girls at this time, but I really didn't mind because I just enjoyed chilling out with her. Well, that's good.

19:06 I am confused by his claim of She was getting more and more interested with me, but also not receptive to any physical moves he made.

19:16 Yeah. That's confusing to me. Talking, cooking, watching films, and whatnot. After maybe a month or so of chasing her, we got a little more wasted than usual at a gathering, and I told her that she could stay at my house since neither of us could drive, and her apartment was on the other side of campus. Hmm, well, it seems you have your own place. Why are you sleeping at all these sororities? Yeah, why are you sleeping at all the fraternity houses? We fooled around for a bit, but didn't do anything until the next morning. And the spicy sleep was amazing! Wow. Wow. Okay, well, honestly, good that you did it.

19:52 That was consensual, right?

19:53 Yes, that's what I was saying. Yeah, they waited until they were no longer wasted. And then they were like, all right, consent. Consent. Consent's cool, right? Yeah. Always.

20:01 That's what the kids are calling it these days, right?

20:03 Consent, protection, cool. Cool. Probably just because she was the first girl that I've ever really liked, because I could tell that she was inexperienced. But the next few months were filled with the most consistently great and enthusiastic spicy sleep that I've had to this day. Enthusiastic consent. Very good.

20:22 By the way, this comes from throwaway account 666. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

20:30 I'm Keon.

20:31 And we are here to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all your answers. We only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, Emily was never as outgoing as I was, but she usually tagged along at parties with my friends and I, and she eventually started bringing her own group of friends, too.

20:49 I wasn't going out as often because of the time I was spending with her, and I usually went to parties to meet girls. While you were seeing her?

20:57 No.

20:57 Okay. But I obviously still made an effort to see my friends, and she got along really well with them. We planned on visiting each other over winter break because each of our families wanted to meet, but we weren't able to. Six-hour drive from one house to the other.

21:09 Wait, wait, wait, wait. But you guys made it official.

21:12 That's what is unclear to me. I'm kind of thinking.

21:15 Our families want to meet.

21:17 Yeah, but he hasn't said, like, she's my girlfriend yet. We have skimmed over that.

21:22 Yeah. Let's see if we'll get consent. We're skipping steps here.

21:27 But we stayed in touch, and in less than a month's time, things were back to normal. Shortly after getting back, my roommates threw a party at our house for the beginning of the spring semester that got much larger than anticipated. It was going well, but a lot of girls that I had been involved with over the past three years were there, and I guess one of them said something, or Emily could just tell something was up. Two particular girls were being extra flirty with me, even though I was rejecting them, but still staying friendly. The next morning, she asked about them, and I told her the truth.

21:55 that they were just two girls who I was having spicy sleep with last winter, which I could tell was at least bothering her a little. So I asked if she had any ex-boyfriends to kind of even it out. She said she dated three other guys besides me and had spicy sleep with only two of them. So when she asked about my spicy-related history, I hesitated a little but told her the truth again, which was around 30.

22:18 I always wore a wiener wrapper. Protection. And I got tested before meeting her. Nice. Honestly, good on you, OP. Those are excellent things to do. Yes. Everyone should do that. Spicy health, people. We like that. But she started choking on her words a bit and started to cry.

22:36 Oh.

22:36 But when I tried to hold onto her, she just left and said, I'm sorry, I have to go without looking at me. Oh, okay. She didn't respond to my calls, so I stupidly decided to visit her apartment the next day after one too many drinks. And her roommate came out and told me that her last boyfriend was also pretty gifted with women and cheated on her multiple times, and she only found out afterwards. So that doesn't really have anything to do with now. Yeah. Yeah, well, she just doesn't want to repeat the same trauma. Girl, I get it. But she got to work through that herself.

23:06 That's not an opiate.

23:07 I feel like she should have brought that up.

23:08 Yeah.

23:08 Earlier. Honestly, I don't... Not necessarily earlier.

23:12 She should have a conversation with him. Yeah, but it feels like this is kind of the time that you would have that conversation.

23:17 Exactly.

23:17 Like, it doesn't seem like they're fully official or maybe became official recently.

23:22 Yeah, it's like you can't erase your past. Yeah.

23:24 I don't think anyone's done anything wrong, except I think her reaction is a little bit overdramatic.

23:29 That's where I'm at. I stopped trying to contact her and didn't hear anything back until about a week later. And she came to my house with her roommate to get her things and tell me that she couldn't trust anyone who sleeps around that often. Hate that.

23:42 Don't like that.

23:42 Yeah. That's something you gotta work through, girl. I tried explaining that what happened before I met her was irrelevant, but she had her mindset and I didn't want to argue, so I let her go and didn't hear from her until a couple days ago. That was back in 2011. She called me and left a message while I was at work saying that she'd like to meet up and talk about us. Since our breakup, I had a few small relationships here and there, but nothing longer than three or four months. I've been working a fun job in the same city I studied in, started learning to play guitar, and stopped drinking as often. I think about her every so often. Usually when I'd see her on Facebook, we remained friends, yet haven't talked to one another. But a

24:22 few months after she ended things, I noticed her and her new sorority friends posting far more pictures of them at parties and bars getting wasted. Even some of her kissing different guys. Also okay, as long as everyone's aware. I don't want to assume she just slept with a bunch of random guys because of me, but she seems like a different girl than the one I dated in university.

24:43 All her statuses are pop song lyrics. She just seems... To talk about drinking, raves, and crap with her friends, and she's gained 10, maybe 15 pounds.

24:53 Okay. Okay, that's just college, okay?

24:56 No, there was no need to come for that. I really think it's kind of none of your business.

25:01 Yep.

25:02 Basically, she seems like the girl that I would F after college parties just to get laid. Well, that makes you sound kind of like a D-bag. Hmm. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I kind of want to give her a second chance, but now I'm the one who doesn't know if I could trust her. What do you guys recommend? I'm sorry, did she reach out to you?

25:21 What did she say? Yeah, what did she say?

25:23 Well, there's an update here. Oh, oh boy, let's see. Although I didn't plan on speaking with Emily again, she gave me another call yesterday afternoon and I picked up, not realizing it was her. She asked why I didn't call her back and I just told her that I've been busy with work. She still seemed pretty upbeat and enthusiastic to talk with me and asked if she could come along when I said I was going to grab some food after work. I figured there wouldn't be any harm in meeting over dinner, so I told her I'd pick her up.

25:51 Interesting.

25:51 We also don't even know if she wants to start anything again. She might just want to apologize.

25:56 We'll see.

25:57 Let's see. She had a new place downtown. It was pretty nice, especially considering the fact that she's waiting tables now, hard to find work as a history major.

26:06 Oy.

26:07 I ended up leaving my car parked at her apartment complex, and we walked about a mile to some Japanese place she recommended. Hmm. She was never really talkative, but we could always keep a conversation going for hours. This wasn't exactly the case after we caught up on the what have you been up to's. Her mouth was running, but it didn't really go anywhere. This was the girl I used to talk about philosophy and art with, and I swear all she told me about for 30 minutes was her sorority, how much work sucks, a couple ex-boyfriends, which I have no interest in whatsoever, and parties. Anyway, we got to the restaurant and I asked about a few of her old hobbies because she was really good with pastels and she was a decent pianist. But she laughed

26:48 and said she hasn't touched either in years. I've maintained my hobbies and picked up some new ones and losing hers wouldn't be a big deal breaker, but I liked those things about her.

26:58 Oh. I think y'all changed. Lucy's changed.

27:00 You have changed and I think this is just a person that you're no longer interested in.

27:04 Yeah.

27:04 And that's okay. It's like I... I played trombone for like 15 years of my life. Yeah. And ever since I graduated college, I have not picked it up. Yeah. Because there's not really a reason for me to just play that around the house. Yeah. So. I definitely don't play the piano as much as I did.

27:21 Yeah.

27:22 Yeah. I would like to. It's just, yeah, I would like to as well. But it's just, you know, people change. Yeah. It's okay. Later, she asked how the love life's been. But by then, I was just trying to leave because she was making me cringe.

27:35 Oh, okay.

27:36 So I said, nothing special. I'm mainly focusing on furthering myself in work. She said, so do you still go after the party girls?

27:42 Oh, no.

27:44 She pulled a Sandy.

27:46 No.

27:46 From Greece. She did a Greece. No. She said, I have to change myself into what he wants. And I gave her kind of a sympathy chuckle and replied if they have anything to offer, which she must have liked because she then said we should head back to her place. But on the walk back, I made it clear that I didn't have any romantic intentions with her. And that's where things went south. Good. That is good to do.

28:10 Just being upfront and honest.

28:11 I appreciate that a piece of being honest. Conversation went like this.

28:15 You guys ready? You want to be Emily, Sophia? Sure. All right, here we go.

28:18 Why did you even bother meeting with me if you aren't interested? Well, I figured I might as well give you a chance and at least catch up.

28:26 I'm so grateful you gave me a chance.

28:29 So am I, but I'm not interested. Well, you were interested in college. Exactly, and you weren't. You're different now, and you'll probably be better off with someone else. But I've been with other guys, and now I know I want you. I didn't need to be with other girls to know I liked you. Well, you had already been with other girls.

28:46 You can't judge me for sleeping with other guys.

28:49 I'm not judging you for sleeping with other guys. I'm judging you for leaving me to sleep with other guys.

28:54 Valid.

28:55 I couldn't trust you. then by your logic, I shouldn't trust you now. Probably shouldn't have said that last line, but I was getting aggravated.

29:02 Ooh. So I kind of called it. Yeah. Yeah.

29:05 No, she did. Oh, so she really tried to. Yeah.

29:10 It seems like OP just kind of wanted to casually sleep with her. And that's why he met up with her or maybe like wanted to give her a chance.

29:16 Yeah. He was like, maybe she's open-minded. Yeah, I was open-minded being like, I don't know, she posts all this stuff for me, she's still the same girl I really liked back then, and now she's just completely changed into someone that, you know, you don't really like anymore, and that's fine.

29:29 Regardless of the somewhat judgmental comments he made, I don't think that he's in the wrong for not wanting to be with this girl.

29:34 I agree she's saying i changed for you yeah that's weird which is very weird you mean you changed for me you want to go sleep with other people for me yeah it's like i.

29:43 Had to sleep with other people in order for us to be together like for us to be like even now I mean, I think there is a world where people, I don't think it's untrue to say I wanted experience to know the type of person that I wanted to be with. Yeah. I think it's weird to.

30:01 Break up with someone to get that experience and then expect.

30:04 Them to want to be with you. Yes. Right on the nose. You got that. From there, she started yelling at me about being a hypocrite and things like her learning better, which smelt of horse crap. So I calmed her down, eventually got back to my car and left. wishing her luck in life, but also making it clear that she was not to contact me in the future.

30:25 It really sucked that she's so different, but if I didn't meet up with her, then I guess I wouldn't have known for sure. Well, we're almost at the end. I mean, do you think he made the right choice? I think he shouldn't have met up with her. I think he should have because he needed to know that, okay, so that was never going to be a thing. Yeah, I guess to know. She's definitely changed from who she was, which is not a bad thing. Everyone changes.

30:49 He was yearning for... Past her. Past her.

30:51 But now you passed her, didn't want him. So the timing never really added well. I don't think that he did anything wrong in how he went about it. I think he was very truthful, even though sometimes the truth hurts. But it's better to be truthful than to be sitting there wondering. Yeah. What's going on? What should I be overthinking?

31:10 Should I have done it?

31:11 Yes.

31:12 Yeah. Should I? Should have? Could have? Would have? Should have?

31:14 Could have?

31:15 Maybe the past is the past. Let's finish it up. I can see where she was coming from in college. I never cheated on her or plan to, but it's far easier for people to trust themselves than others. The girl that cheated on me was known to be very promiscuous, like the girls I had spicy sleep with in college.

31:31 And even though I'm cool with that, I went against my instincts and dated her anyway. She was alright as a person, but I think I just felt like I was supposed to start dating people at 25. I don't think my standards are too high for a relationship, but if I ever start wanting one, then nothing's stopping me from giving it a try. I'm guessing I'm just kind of worried that some girls won't trust me since I like being a sleut winky face.

31:57 I think the right girl will not care about your past as long as you were honest and up front in your new relationships.

32:06 Yeah, it's hard. Everyone's got a history. And don't have much relationship experience. All that being said, one of the first things I found myself attracted to in Emily, other than her looks and personality, was her selectiveness slash innocence. I know it's cheesy. Granted, she used to be a really interesting person as well. So even if she was easier than the other girls I've been with, I might have pursued more than spicy sleep with her. Easier than the other girls? Dude, I'm trying to be on your side.

32:35 You keep saying things that I don't like. Yeah, it is really... But like I said in the last post, if she wanted to get that out of her system during our relationship, then I doubt it would have worked out. Still, it didn't seem like she had any intention of doing that until I revealed my number, so I just hope it wasn't really my fault that she did all that.

32:53 Quit drawing and playing piano too, but maybe her new personality would lead her into a better relationship? Thoughts? I don't know. I mean, everyone... There's always, I feel like, something for someone.

33:05 Yeah.

33:06 You know, so... Is that someone?

33:07 Yeah.

33:08 I don't think... I hope you don't blame yourself, OP, for the way that she has grown. I think, like, she had a choice in her life. She chose to do that. She chose to make those decisions to, you know, go out and be a party girl, sorority girl type of person. You know, like, people just do that. And that's cool. That's for them. It's not for other people.

33:27 I would never do it. But, like, I don't diss people who do it. Like, sure, do it. I know... so many like cute girls that are in like their little, like, Ooh, like little whatever's. And like, they, it looks like they have a lot of fun and like good for them. I just, I just never did it. Um, but yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't think you need to, you know, yeah, you can reminisce, you know, past her, but you know, she's a different person now. And so are you leave the past in the past. Yeah. Leave the past in the past and, you know, start doing you and something will come up. Yeah. I agree. And that's the end of the story. We're going to go on to the next one.

34:04 Hey, it's Keon, your host with the cakes here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

34:11 I racked up debt to support my boyfriend, but he's not making an effort to pay me back.

34:16 Where's my money?

34:18 I'm 25 female, a full-time student and small business owner, and I've managed to rack up some credit card debt. It's not an insane amount, but it still hangs over me every day and brings me a lot of stress. I got myself into this debt because I was supporting both myself and my boyfriend, 23 male, for about six months.

34:36 Oof.

34:37 We've been together for just over a year. Wait, how old is he?

34:39 He's 23, she's 25. He agreed to pay me back when he got a job. He's been working for four months now and has paid back a little bit of the money, but then doesn't have enough to fund himself until the end of the month. I still find myself needing to help him out financially. The debt on my credit card just keeps on increasing. I'm not really sure what to do. It's debt in my name, so it's technically mine. But as per the agreement with my boyfriend, he's the one that needs to pay it off. Can anyone offer up some solutions or insights into this issue?

35:08 By the way, this comes from Maximus Capacity. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

35:14 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

35:15 I'm Keon.

35:16 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And OP says, Oh, we're at an update. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and provided some clarity. I feel pretty broken right now, but I know I'll be okay.

35:31 Wow. What?

35:32 I mean, you know, we are going to pause. Wait.

35:34 Before we get into why OP is broken, just some advice.

35:38 We just got.

35:39 To the beginning and now it's all of a sudden, yeah.

35:42 If you don't have the money to pay for someone else, don't pay for someone else.

35:46 Yeah, don't put yourself in that situation. I know you want to help people and all. I'm the same way. Don't set yourself on fire.

35:52 I want to help people, but.

35:53 Also, yeah, don't. What is it? Set yourself on fire to warm others.

35:58 Oh yeah that's the one.

36:00 I never heard that one don't do it i thought i was like something about like i don't know giving a body part to someone i don't know close don't buy the hands no don't buy the hair don't give them an arm and a leg don't maybe i don't know i don't know it's been an incredible year of growth and transformation and i'm telling myself this was a necessary step to continue my journey to a better life.

36:20 I haven't been single for a while, so I'm really terrified of being alone. I did get my money back. Oh, good.

36:26 I asked him to take it alone in his name and transfer the money to me. I did this first and most importantly to get my money back, but I also wanted to see how he would approach the debt if it officially belonged to him.

36:38 Hmm.

36:39 He was in the process of selling some things to acquire the money to pay me back after my endless nagging. But I do think the process sped up and became more urgent. This said a lot to me about his priorities and disrespect regarding my finances. The last straw was that he took out a phone contract for an iPhone 15 despite not having enough money to pay me back.

36:59 but rather spent the money on a new device yikes he conveniently remembered that he had 40% of what he owed me in a savings account that he is now withdrawn and put towards his loan this was after we had a conversation about a month ago about not putting anything towards savings until my debt was paid off even after this conversation I found out that he had put some money away and was upset about it because of our agreement I wasn't putting money into savings because of this He then transferred that money to me. I asked him a couple of days ago if he had any savings, and he said no, only for this large sum of money to be revealed. I think he genuinely didn't have the thought to use this money to port towards my debt,

37:37 but that's the whole point. Lack of consideration. Leading up to the breakup, and we do have confirmation there is a breakup on the horizon.

37:45 Dang, I mean, what is happening?

37:47 It feels like he is just super inconsiderate and OP realized at some point, oh, this guy who I'm paying for is kind of.

37:55 A, you know.

37:56 I was trying to play dumb. He was like, that's my savings money, not your money.

38:00 No, no, I wasn't supposed to give that to you, no.

38:02 But I also wanted a new phone and all these things. Yeah. With my money.

38:07 Yeah. Truthfully, it's two people who are financially irresponsible trying to be responsible. Yes.

38:14 It's OP paying for this guy when she doesn't.

38:17 Have the money to do it. When she didn't even have it to begin with. And then she's already in debt. Now she's in more debt. And then trying to figure that out.

38:24 Nope.

38:25 Could not be me. Too freaking stressful.

38:28 Leading up to the breakup, I was thinking about what things are relationship essentials for me. I realized that too many of these boxes were unticked. The relationship was making me feel neglected and disregarded. Like I'm too much and annoying.

38:41 Unsupported. Like I couldn't trust him. Betrayed.

38:44 And like there was a breakdown of communication. These are all pillars of a good relationship for me. Oh, I think maybe the opposite.

38:50 Yeah, I mean, I think they're just not... It's not going to work out. I agree. And it stinks because maybe, you know... even think it was gonna work in the first place though like that's the thing like i'm trying to think when was it good yeah because she's like actually it's not even just the financial things it's actually a lot of other things uh but financials was the most part that was really stressful financials was just the catalyst yeah realizing but yeah i agree with uh pink pink punk some people are leeches My ex was always short on rent, but always buying BS. Yeah. Some people are like that. And that's why those people are in those situations. Like, I wonder why. I'm like, how people

39:29 put these put themselves in this situation they just like spend money that they don't have and i was like that i mean but some people do that yeah some people have that mentality of like oh i don't have any money don't have any money but i need this yeah like i have to buy this expensive item Yeah.

39:44 I mean, it's a thing that's taught. Parents will, you know, model their financial spending habits to their children. And then when that child, you know, is independent, they do the same stuff.

39:57 Yeah.

39:57 Obviously, it's not, you know, this is not guaranteed. You can break out of that habit or learned spending habit.

40:05 But it does happen a lot.

40:07 Yeah.

40:08 Teach your children good financial spending habits. Make them all be tax people. Yeah. Make them all become accountants and work at H & R Block. Yes.

40:18 I absolutely think that finances and taxes and stuff like that should be taught in schools.

40:24 I freaking agree.

40:26 I think it's ridiculous that we were never taught how to do that because some parents don't teach their children how to do it.

40:30 I don't know how to do it.

40:31 I know.

40:32 I'm learning. We got a tax guy who does all of our stuff. I mean, my parents are teaching me. Yeah.

40:37 But, um.

40:37 But it was never something that I was taught in school. See, the thing is, whoever I'm going to be with later on in life, they're going to have to know that. And they will teach me. And I will be all right with that. And there we go. I will not be able to understand any of that. Even when I try to understand it, even if I take a class and get like a certificate, I won't know. What if we put it in terms of you? Taxes for me.

40:58 You play all the parts. I am the tax girl. What if you're the IRS? I am the IRS. Give me all your money. But we got a little left.

41:07 I told him that I don't think he's ready for a serious committed relationship, which means sharing your life with another person. I told him to go live for himself for a bit and experience not having to worry about anyone else but him. He agreed that he needs to go do some introspection and figure this out. He said he's really mad at himself for ruining this, but he understands where I'm coming from and hates that he's caused me pain. He just pushed me to do this. He said he thinks that I deserve the best in life, and he's sorry he couldn't step up to be that for me. I don't think he's a bad person, or did any of this maliciously. I just don't think he's ready to be part of my team. Right now, I

41:40 need to focus on myself and reach out for support. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

41:45 And that's it. Dang.

41:46 Jeff.

41:47 Awesome Ashley says, we had to suffer. Why shouldn't the next generation suffer as well? Yeah, everyone should just be suffering. Everyone should suffer. I agree. That's how you grow. That's how everyone grows. Suffering. That's what they teach in Buddhism. It's just, you gotta reach Nevada. And that's the end of the story. We're gonna go on to the next one.

42:03 My friends swore they'd cherish my gift, then tried to sell it right away.

42:07 Aw, how much was it?

42:09 I love antique items. I'm in an online group where I'm close to other antique lovers, and one of my friends online reached out to me to offer me a well-sought-after item they decided to part with. They were only giving it to me for free because we have a close friendship online. It's a two-hour round trip, though, and I didn't want to make the trip alone, so a friend offered to go with me. I told them on the way how excited I was to have the item.

42:36 When we arrived and my online friend brought out the item, it was pretty, and my trip friend was in awe and loved it. We loaded it in the car, they asked me about it, and it was clear they had no idea about it. But when I explained it and showed how it all worked, they fell in love. By the way, this comes from still wonky. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay.

42:58 Storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah.

43:00 I'm Keon.

43:01 And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but we do not have all of your answers. We'd only tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down the comments. As OP says, it broke my heart a bit, but at the end of the trip, I told them that since they were so excited by it, even though I love it so much, I would be willing to let them have it instead since they have other antiques already. They happily took it home.

43:25 But that night, I received a text message in all caps saying their friend told them to Google it and they found out it's worth 1K. They said they are super excited. They had planned to keep it, but they want the money more. They couldn't wait to try to sell it and had already posted it online. They said they can get a bigger TV if they sell it.

43:45 I told them it was really rude to do that when they knew I had my heart set on it and I only gave it to them because they acted as if they would cherish it. I actually am struggling for money, so if anyone was going to sell it, I could have. I knew the value. They said it's not their fault because they didn't know it was worth so much, and I can't blame them for selling it.

44:04 I'm livid, though. I told them if they aren't going to keep it, they should have offered it back to me. They say I'm way out of line. Am I the a-hole?

44:14 I mean, what they're doing is an a-hole thing, but once you give something to someone and say it is yours, I want you to cherish it, They can do whatever they want with it.

44:24 Yeah. Obviously, she really liked it without knowing the value. And so you thought, hey, you know, just a fellow antiquer here trying to get ahead of the game and buy something you like. And yeah, and then she ruined that. And now she's like, wait, this thing is worth a lot of money. Let me just sell it and get all the money.

44:46 Yeah.

44:48 It's an a-hole move of the friend to do that.

44:51 100%.

44:52 I don't think it's a whole of you to have that reaction, because you thought that they liked it because of what it was, not because of the money value.

45:02 100%. It was going to be like, oh, you guys cherish this, and you guys seem like you want it more, and you weren't doing it for the money, but when you found out, oh, how much it's worth? Yeah. Again, a whole thing to do, but once you gave it to them, personally... They can do whatever they want. They can do whatever they want with it. Yeah.

45:20 Yeah, there's no rules, so... Yeah, you can be pissed at their decision, but.

45:24 At the end of the day, you should have never given it to them. I know it was a nice thing to do and be sentimental, and it should have been like, oh, yeah, keep it.

45:31 Nah.

45:32 You can't control other people at the end of the day.

45:34 Truly. Also, if you have mind control, that'd be sick.

45:38 There's an update here. I have it back. Oh!

45:42 Did you buy it back?

45:44 No, my friend's mother brought it to me. She told him he was in the wrong, but he was too stubborn to take it back to me. So she and her husband brought it to me. I doubt my friendship is worth salvaging. A 40-year-old man shouldn't need his mom to fix his problems. That is very true.

46:02 Was it really his problem, though?

46:04 What?

46:05 That's the thing. Was it really his problem to be selling it? I think his mom fixed your problem, OP.

46:13 That's true.

46:16 His problem was, I want to sell this for money.

46:18 Yeah, so it didn't even fix his problem. It just fixed yours.

46:22 I mean, again, he was doing a whole thing.

46:24 I don't know.

46:24 I'm very torn between this.

46:25 It's hard.

46:26 So, Savannah, say if you like something. Like, oh, you like this necklace or you like my shirt. Oh, you want it.

46:34 Great.

46:34 Have it. It is yours. I think you're going to love it. I think you're going to enjoy it. And then later on you go, I sold it or I gave it to somebody else. And you're like, that's kind of crappy. I gave that to you for you, but it's yours. I gave it to you. Do whatever you want with it.

46:50 Yeah, see, I wouldn't do that. If someone, if I was like, oh my gosh, I really like that, can I have it? I wouldn't think to sell it and get money for it. I would want it because I want it. Exactly.

47:02 But, yeah.

47:04 They figured out the value later on and were like, well, I could, you know, do I want this antique or do I want a new TV?

47:14 Let us know in the comments because, again, we're both very torn.

47:17 Yeah.

47:18 Yeah.

47:19 Once you give a gift to somebody or you give something to somebody, you have no control over it and how they use it or what they do with it.

47:25 Some people mentioned the friend who gave it to me. They created a story in which my friend was upset that I gave the item to someone else, that I broke his heart, etc. I didn't touch on that in the OP because it was such a non-issue. The issue was between me and the other friend and dragging the first friend into it and making him out to be emotional about it in the story was frankly odd. He was upset for me and joked about making the guy disappear.

47:53 He's not a sappy, hurt guy like someone tried to portray him as. I used to send him things I thought he'd like over the years, and he would also get things constantly himself, but lately, for personal reasons, he's put a full stop on acquiring more items. He's getting rid of the clutter, what his wife calls it, which makes his wife happy. I may have it back, but the damage is done. I'm going to move on.

48:17 I don't know.

48:17 Well, I mean, if you think that that's what's best, if you, like, don't trust that person and feel like they just betrayed you by doing that, then, yeah, then you don't need to have them in your life. But if you feel like there is something salvageable in this relationship, I would, you know, maybe have a talk with them about it. But I don't know if that will be for better or for worse.

48:36 Now, here's my real question. Is OP keeping that antique that she gave the friend because, you know, she knew how much it would cost.

48:43 Yeah.

48:44 But she also said, if anything, I need the money. Do you think OP's going to sell it to get money? Because she said, I'm in a financial hard place right now.

48:53 I don't think... I feel like OP... Well, I don't know. There's not really a lot of context here.

48:58 I know. We're going off a lot with a little.

49:02 They are like an antique person. Like they, you know, buy and sell, I would think. But I feel like she, you know, OP was waiting for this. And so for them to go out and get it, you know... I don't know.

49:19 I'm intrigued. Let us know in the comments how you feel about OP and how the situation unfolded. That is the end of that story, though. Luckily, she got it back, which is great. I wasn't expecting that.

49:30 Yeah, I wasn't expecting that either. I just thought, you know, chalk up to a loss and be like, well, got to move on. But now you can move on and also get your antique. For $ 1, 000. So, who's the real winner here? And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one.

49:46 My friend gaslit me into paying for a trip, but I can't even go.

49:50 Dude, where's my money?

49:52 So, me and nine other friends had planned on going on a holiday together, and we booked an Airbnb, each of us paying an equal part and sending it to my close friend, 22 male, who was in charge of arranging the holiday. I'm not a citizen of the country I live in, and I had some problems with my immigration status right before our holiday, which interfered with my ability to leave the country. I made my friend aware of this and apologized, but I assured him that I would still pay for the stuff we had already booked.

50:19 I also said I knew some of our friends couldn't come on the holiday since they couldn't afford it, so they were welcome to come into my place and they didn't have to pay me back. They just pay me for a name change on my plane ticket. A few days later, he messaged me to say the Airbnb that we had booked had canceled on us and our money was being refunded. I asked him if it would be all right if he could send me the chunk of money and pay me back, and their group could rebook another Airbnb that would accommodate a smaller group. He said yes.

50:48 And by the way, this comes from user Wiley99. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Keon.

50:55 And I'm Savannah.

50:56 And we're here to give good advice goofily. Look at us. Or listen to us. We don't know everything. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments down below. Pretty please.

51:08 As OP says.

51:10 As Savannah says?

51:11 Yeah.

51:13 As OP says. So my friend texted me again a while later, saying there were only expensive Airbnbs left, and they needed my chunk of the money to help everyone afford the more expensive place. Saying, sorry, we need the money so I can't give it back. He also said that I had bailed on everyone and left everyone in a tight spot, so I had to do this. And I was already okay with my money burning, so me paying would be the lesser evil compared to making everyone else pay more. I told him me bailing wasn't a problem until he decided it was. That what he was trying to do felt opportunistic, because he wouldn't have asked me to resend him my money to pay for them, if the money had been refunded to my account and

51:58 not his. I also looked up housing around the area for myself and found many options that fit all of our criteria. They were perfectly capable of booking a more reasonable place that they could afford. I felt as though he was trying to use me to help the group afford a more luxurious place. The Airbnb he was now trying to get was way over budget and was costing about more than double what my lack of presence would have been costing them if they got a place with a similar price to the original one. I told him I wasn't the reason for them being out of the house.

52:31 That was the Airbnb's fault and they were making it now... My problem. I also couldn't have afforded the new place, even if I did come so. Would they have expected me to just pay my old part again? Just so they could go on holiday without me? I told him I felt disrespected, because he never even asked me if I could help them pay, you know, as a favor to a friend, or just a genuine ask for help, because of course I would have. But he resorted to treating me like a kid that he was lecturing. I said the money wasn't a problem, but the entitlement was.

53:04 Everyone in our group said I was super unreasonable. Before we keep going, Savannah.

53:09 No, I hate this guy.

53:09 I hate all these people.

53:11 Yeah, the fact that you're not even going on this vacation. Like, you were willing to pay the chunk if they, you know, they already booked in. It's like, well, whatever. I'll just eat the money, whatever. But then they got refunded. So you should be able to now take your money back. And why would you pay for another place? Because originally you were going to go on the vacation, but then you couldn't. This one, you're just completely not. So why would they just take your money and be like, you're not coming, but like, we need that money. Like, that's not your fault. Why do I have to pay for you guys to go on vacation without me? Huh?

53:45 Yeah. I'm sending him options of Airbnb options with this, you know, either the same price or a lower price. Yeah.

53:52 Like none of this is your fault. So why are you getting like degraded like that? And also the friends. Being like, yeah, he should pay. Screw you guys, you're not my friends. What?

54:05 Upi continued saying 22 male later called me on the phone and it ended up devolving into what essentially felt like a humiliation ritual. It invited over some of our friends prior to me calling. And the entire time, as I was talking about how I felt wronged, our friends in the background were giggling amongst each other, making weird comments and doing little reactions after my every sentence. I'd say I feel taken advantage of, And they laugh audibly in the background and I go, I can't believe she actually said that. The audacity, which really pushed me to the edge. And I ended up telling everyone involved to get their crap together and to stop acting like children and hung up on their face. Honestly, the phone call

54:47 came as a shock because I've been friends with them for six plus years and I hadn't realized they were capable of what essentially felt like straight up bullying. He later texted me and said he found some other option and offered to pay me back to make amends. But I told him I was done and to keep the money and blocked him. Am I the a-hole?

55:06 I mean, that last part, yeah.

55:08 That last part, yeah. You made, okay. That last part, you should have got your money.

55:12 Yeah, what was the whole point? You don't want to pay it. So why all of a sudden you're like, you know, and I don't even care anymore. Just take it. Like, that's, that's just, that ruins the entire argument.

55:22 Yeah, you ruin your entire argument there.

55:24 Yeah, you just argued with this guy for, like, days and all of your friends over this, and now you're like, you know what, never mind, keep it. Like, that's just letting them win.

55:31 What?

55:32 What was the whole point of this?

55:33 So you mean to tell me you lost not just your money, but also your friends?

55:37 When really, you could have only lost your friends.

55:40 And there is an edit here. For the people confused about why I just let them have the money. For me, it really wasn't about the money in the first place. It's how I felt I was disrespected. I also told them this numeral times. Money comes and goes. I'd rather have the dang money if they'd need it that badly than leave any space for them to paint me as, you know, someone who's frugal.

56:01 But you're not frugal. This is a legitimate thing. Like, I don't understand. Now you're just... I mean, it couldn't be me. I'd be like, okay, yes, give me the money. And now I won't talk to you guys. But instead, you're like, you know what? Keep the money, and I still won't talk to you guys. Why are you giving them money for... For you feeling disrespected, you're going to pay them to disrespect you? OP, it's not adding up.

56:25 I don't know, V.

56:27 That last part, now I lost respect for you on that last part. Because it's like, I understand maybe you just want to be done with it. I've argued too much, blah, blah, blah. But if they're like, okay, no, we'll send you the money. I'd be like, yeah, send me the money.

56:42 And I better have it in like an hour. And then cut off contact. But you said, no. This entire argument wasn't about the money. It was about me being disrespected. Which I personally think stems back to the money. Yes.

56:54 Like the whole reason for this argument was because they weren't paying you back. But now you're like, nope, this is about disrespect now.

57:00 I don't know.

57:01 You're changing it.

57:01 I don't think you really I don't think you showed them. But as long as you cut them off and you don't have to deal with them anymore. Great.

57:09 Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, do what you want. But I just I don't think that was the best decision just to let them have the money and then be done with them. It's your money.

57:17 The money being given back to me was being framed as him making amends to me and making things right. But nothing about any of this was right, so I didn't want to make him feel validated in having made his amends. There were also stuff said along the lines of, some people won't be able to afford the holiday without it.

57:35 And not everyone involved were a-holes, just spineless. And as much as I don't want them to be my friends, I also don't want to even slightly be responsible for ruining their holiday, whether it's warranted or not. Most of my family and really close friends have also said I should have just taken the money. It's definitely my ego or pride speaking, but I'd rather have my peace of mind than anything else. This was a quick out. I had no energy left to try and further arrange or chase my refund. I just wanted to cut ties immediately. OP, he literally said, I'll just give you the money.

58:07 And you went, nope, you're disrespecting me. Ah, okay.

58:11 My job isn't to teach them a lesson. I'm sure someone along the way will do that for them. And that's the end of that story. You pissed me off, OP.

58:19 It's not even like teaching them a lesson. Like, I mean, but that's kind of what you wanted to do, though, because you're saying you disrespected me. I want you to know that you disrespected me. And so I'm going to block you and not talk to you, blah, blah, blah. But by the way, you can keep my money.

58:32 I will get some comments on this one. I'm sorry. I have to look at comments on this one just to see, like, OP make it make sense.

58:37 Yeah, it's just like I'm still I still don't think you're the a-hole here. But how you are handling it is just kind of bewildering me.

58:45 I know you're like, yeah, I'm reading some of the comments here. To be honest, you should have just taken the money and then not come back. The call is the breaking point. They didn't want to hear you out or really talk to you, but make a circus show out of your emotional vulnerability. And I think you're correct.

59:01 They wanted to have luxury at your expense, not the a-hole. And someone else says, yeah, you should have just taken the money and then blocked them. I don't think you're going to teach them a lesson with any of this.

59:10 Yeah, no. They're not going to learn. They're just going to be like, oh, sweet, we got the money. All right, guys, let's go. I mean, I know you're not trying to teach them a lesson, but I don't know. Just get your money back.

59:21 Yeah, you know what?

59:22 Apparently that's not what you want.

59:23 It's too late now. Let them enjoy the thing. Don't deal with them anymore. Get friends who actually will treat you with respect. Easy as that.

59:31 And that's the end of this story. We're going to go on to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're going to get back to the stories, but here's a three-minute ad break from our sponsors.

59:44 My friends turned against me over a simple game night.

59:47 Was it Uno?

59:48 Because then I understand. I, 16 male, went to a game night with people from work. I almost didn't go because I had a headache and I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I arrived about an hour late.

1:00:00 Later.

1:00:00 more people showed up. Eventually, there were around 10 of us. One of the games we wanted to play was Werewolves, similar to Mafia. I see you. Love this game.

1:00:11 I used to play Mafia all the time when I was younger. I haven't played it in so long.

1:00:16 And to those younger than us, like among us.

1:00:19 Yeah, basically, yeah. It's like, yeah, it is. I never made that connection.

1:00:23 Opie continued saying, I had brought the game because everyone was supposed to bring one. While I was setting it up and getting ready to explain the rules... A coworker, let's call him Jake, 17 male, suddenly announced that he was going to host. I told him no, because it was my game, and I thought it was already agreed that I would host. Several people then told me that they had apparently voted for Jake to host.

1:00:46 Okay. I would just let him host.

1:00:49 I don't know.

1:00:50 Okay.

1:00:51 I honestly didn't even know there had been a vote, which means things escalated fast. By the way, this comes from user AcceptableGarden23. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Kion.

1:01:05 And I'm Savannah.

1:01:06 And we're here to give good advice goofily. Look at Savannah. Look at me. We don't know everything. We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments down below, pretty please. As Opie says, Jake started shouting at me. This solves things real fast. Another coworker, Ryan, 17 male, who I've had issues with before, also started yelling and saying it was just a game.

1:01:32 While this was happening, my friend Emma, 18 female, started talking to another friend, Sophie, 16 female, right next to me. Emma was saying things like, he always does this, and calling me childish while I was sitting there listening.

1:01:46 Oh, so none of these people are your friends?

1:01:48 Eventually, I snapped and told her to shut the F up and sit down.

1:01:54 You don't say that to a girl. I don't care if they're your friend. You don't say that.

1:01:57 Hey, Savannah. Aw. Shut the F up and sit down.

1:02:01 I'd be like, wow.

1:02:03 I'd be like, no, you know what you should say? Be like, hey, dummy, I'm sitting down already.

1:02:08 Hey, you idiot.

1:02:08 Hey, idiot, use your eyes.

1:02:09 Look where my butt is.

1:02:10 Yeah.

1:02:11 You see? I'm sitting.

1:02:13 After that, everything just got worse. Ryan stormed out and slammed the door. The room went quiet and awkward. Someone suggested I go for a walk, so I went outside. Once I was outside, I started tearing up because I felt overwhelmed and guilty for what I said. I genuinely felt bad about it. Later, Emma came outside and said she didn't expect things to escalate that much. I apologized to her for what I said. She accepted that I felt bad, but also said she wasn't going to apologize for the things she said about me because she didn't regret saying them. What hurt even more was that she later told someone that she had actually felt that way about me for a while. At that point, I wanted to go home. But Sophie, who was trying to stay neutral,

1:02:54 told me not to leave angry. So I stayed. When I came back inside, everyone was acting normal again. I was still shaking from the adrenaline, but I kept that to myself. Later, we were making teams for another game, and I got paired with Ryan. He immediately refused and left the event entirely.

1:03:15 Dang, he didn't just say, no, I'm not playing. He said, you know what? I'm out of here. You put me with Opie. I spit on him.

1:03:23 This game night sucks. After that, people started doing karaoke. And surprisingly, the rest of the night was mostly normal. And even fun. On the way home, I saw Emma and Sophie talking again. But I couldn't hear them. Later, Sophie told me that Emma was still angry because she thought it was disrespectful and unprofessional that I swore at her at a work event. I understand that perspective. But I also feel like people are ignoring the fact that I was being shouted at, insulted, and talked about while sitting right there. I know telling someone to shut the F up wasn't the right thing to do, and I already apologized for it. But I don't feel like I'm the only person who handled the situation badly. Am I

1:04:04 the a-hole? I think everyone sucks here.

1:04:06 Yeah, I'd have to say everyone sucks here as well. I mean, I do think that you're the a-hole for saying that. I think you could have been like, hey, we'll handle it, you know?

1:04:14 But I feel like, again, in the moment, OP, picture this, picture this. You're sitting down, you were expecting to play the game that you brought, and you were excited to show off this game and explain the rules, being shouted at by not one, but two people, and then someone, your friend at work, says, yeah, he does this all the time. Like, I can't believe him. OP's probably going like, What is happening?

1:04:40 Yeah, I.

1:04:41 What he said was wrong. 100%. But why is everyone yelling? Why did he get to this point? Have you done this before in the past, OP? If Sophie did say that. Or, sorry, Emma said that. Or whoever.

1:04:54 Also, just given the circumstances of where you were, you literally were backed into a corner and everyone was coming at you in every single direction. So it's like, okay, what do you want? I'd probably freak out too.

1:05:06 So.

1:05:07 I'll give you grace on that.

1:05:09 I just think everyone sucks here. Yeah, I also think everyone does. And there's an edit and or clarification here. A lot of people are asking the same questions, so I wanted to clarify a few things. This was not a formal work event or a work shift. It was a casual game night at our office. I work for a neighborhood platform, and most of us are either friends from school, friends outside of work, or became friends through the team. We are coworkers, but we're also sort of a friend group. Being late wasn't unusual. I arrived about an hour late, but I wasn't the last person there.

1:05:41 Almost everyone arrived late except the host. I genuinely didn't know there had been a vote about who would host werewolves. If I had known, I wouldn't have been surprised that someone else was chosen. My issue wasn't really about hosting the game. What upset me was that as soon as I questioned it, multiple people started shouting at me. While that was happening, Emma started talking about me to Sophie while I was sitting, again, right there, saying things like, he always does this, and calling me childish. I didn't immediately tell Emma to shut the F up. I first asked her to stop. She continued talking about me, and that's when I snapped.

1:06:21 I don't know. I don't know if this is going to go over well, but I don't know. I kind of think you're... a.

1:06:28 Little dramatic op but like i feel like maybe if you do do this all the time where it's like oh well i planned you know to be the host so like why can't i be the host you know something whatever blah blah and everyone's just yelling.

1:06:41 At you and yelling at you and like this happens all the time then yeah i'd be annoyed i'd be like this guy again.

1:06:47 I mean i get it i would this is just a game night this should be fun why is everyone taking this so seriously kind of thing exactly why is everyone talking crap about why are we yelling I would honestly be like, I mean, everyone, again, is 16, 17, 18, young adults. Why are we yelling? Why are we yelling?

1:07:05 The thing is, didn't even start the game yet. You were yelling before the game even started. So obviously that wasn't going to go over well.

1:07:13 I would go, quiet coyote, quiet coyote. But again, I understand in the heat of things.

1:07:19 Yeah.

1:07:20 I get it.

1:07:21 I get where you're coming from.

1:07:22 Obi also continues saying, Emma and I had already discussed had some minor disagreements while playing online games over the previous few weeks. They weren't huge arguments, mostly just silly disagreements over who got to choose what we played, but there had clearly been some tension building. Jake and Ryan used to be good friends of mine. Lately, things have become more difficult because I've started standing up for myself more, instead of always trying to keep the peace. I am the youngest person in the group, and usually the one trying to de-escalate the arguments. That doesn't excuse anyone's behavior, But it's part of the background. Some people asked why I stayed after everything happened. I actually wanted to leave immediately,

1:08:02 but Sophie... Again, Sophie is the one who asked me not to leave because she didn't want to give everyone the satisfaction of walking out angry. So, with that, I stayed. And after a while, everyone acted like nothing had happened. Even Emma said let's do a sorry dance. So we did the just dance. Timber. Kesha. What?

1:08:24 This is so teenage coded.

1:08:25 Yeah.

1:08:28 Sorry, dance. Sorry, dance.

1:08:30 Let's do timber.

1:08:31 It's going down. Like what?

1:08:35 He says, I fully understand that telling Emma to shut the F up and sit down was disrespectful. That's why I apologized to her that same night. What hurt me the most wasn't that she disagreed with me. It. was that after I apologized, she told me that she wasn't sorry for what she had said because she had actually felt that way about me for a while. I was the person who introduced her to this team, so hearing that felt more like a betrayal than anger. I'm not asking y'all to excuse the way I reacted. I know I lost my temper. What frustrates me is that people seem to be focusing entirely on my reaction while ignoring that I was shouted at, insulted, and talked about while I was sitting there. I apologized for my part. All

1:09:15 I really wanted... Was that for the other people involved to acknowledge theirs as well? And we have an update. I agree. Why am I the only one apologizing?

1:09:24 Yeah, I'd have to agree with that as well. I don't think that you are entirely in the wrong when everyone was coming at you in different directions.

1:09:32 Do we also remember Ryan got angry that we got paired up and then left? Yeah, are we going to forget that? Are we just going to let that slide?

1:09:39 Yeah, like he acted like a baby. He's like, I'm not being paired up with him. I don't like him. I'm leaving.

1:09:44 I'd be like, goo goo ga ga. See, that's what it sounds like when you talk.

1:09:47 And here's your diaper. Don't let it hit you on the way out.

1:09:50 After the game night, I spoke to Sophie. She said she wanted to stay neutral, but thought I shouldn't have spoken to Emma that way. Especially because Emma is a woman. I replied that, in my opinion, the issue should be my behavior, not her gender. I asked whether she would feel the same way if I had said that to Ryan instead. And she admitted she probably wouldn't. We left the conversation there and wished each other a good night.

1:10:13 The next morning, my coordinator texted me. apparently Sophie had already contacted him about what had happened. He said he thinks both Emma and I are good people who have contributed a lot to the team, and that he wants to hear my side before making any assumptions. He suggested meeting in person with the three of us to talk everything through calmly because he doesn't want a division within the team. For now, I haven't responded. Yet. There are some personal things happening in my life that need my attention more than this situation, so I don't really have the mental energy to discuss it right now. I also don't feel the need to keep apologizing. I already apologized that same night for telling Emma to shut the F

1:10:52 up and sit down, and I meant it. I'm not taking that apology back. I think it's commendable for a 16-year-old to actually apologize and be like, what I did was wrong.

1:11:04 Yeah, I agree. I feel like they don't really do that.

1:11:07 But I would also go up to Emma and be like, what did you mean by that? Like, I'm your friend, one, but what did you mean by... it's been a while, like you've been thinking about this of me for a while. Can you give me context? Be honest with me, be upfront with me. What makes you think that or what has caused you to think this of me for, again, said a while that I'm childish or I act like this?

1:11:29 Do I? Do you, OP?

1:11:31 I don't know.

1:11:31 I'm not there. I can't witness it. But if someone's saying this, who knows you, if she has context or proof or something along these lines, I'm like, hey, Sophie, what Emma said, do you agree with that? Also, are we just letting Ryan walk away by shouting at everything or shouting at everyone to get what he wants?

1:11:49 Yeah, I don't know why no one's talking about Ryan because I feel like that, you know, well, I don't know if that's a bigger issue than this. But, you know, you decided to suck it up and you ended up having a good night. So why are we all like, you know, still talking about all of this and trying to come up with a solution? Was there not a solution yet? Because so what happened? Emma went to like their boss.

1:12:13 Sophie did. Sophie did. The neutral person, yeah.

1:12:16 And went to the boss. I don't think the boss even had to be involved. I think that's weird.

1:12:20 I think it's maybe cleared the air, which is fair.

1:12:23 I mean, yeah, but also, you know, they can do that. This happened outside of work. It's not like it happened during work, so I don't understand.

1:12:30 What still bothers me is what happened afterwards. When I apologized, Emma told me she wasn't sorry for what she had actually said because she felt that way about me for a while. That honestly hurt me more than the argument itself because I was the one who originally introduced her to this team. I never expected her to automatically agree with me, but I also didn't expect her to start criticizing me while I was already being shouted at by other people. If she had problems with me, I would have rather much preferred it if she had spoken to me privately afterward instead. Maybe we'll have the meeting, maybe we won't. Right now, I'm focusing on other things, and if we do talk, I hope it's a conversation where

1:13:09 everyone is involved and is willing to acknowledge their own part in what happened, not just mine. And the verdict is, everybody sucks here.

1:13:17 Yep, I'll agree with that. I think you guys are worrying too much about this.

1:13:22 This is a game night, but I feel like this needs to be brought up in certain layers here. This is your friendship with Emma and why she thinks that way. It's the argument during game night and why Ryan gets to shout at me and shout at everyone to get what he wants. I think we just need to clear the air. Everything should be cool.

1:13:41 I agree with clearing the air. I just don't understand why it now has to be like a whole company thing.

1:13:47 Yeah.

1:13:48 As much as it like it wasn't like a formal company retreat or game night or whatever. But everyone who worked there was there.

1:13:57 Yeah. But also I think you realize you lost your temper. Maybe it's again with everything going on in your life. Doesn't mean it's an excuse to say that to a friend. You know, even it was to Ryan. I'd just be like, dude, stop. Why are we yelling? A shouting match is not going to win anything here.

1:14:18 And that's the end of the story.