My father flew me ACROSS the country… to meet his secret second family! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP3071

0:00 Ayo, it's Riley here.

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0:12 My father flew me across the country to meet his secret second family. Oh, I didn't want to know that. I'm a female in my mid-20s, originally from California, wrapping up a summer internship on the East Coast, having the time of my life. I planned on having one last adventure in the city during my last weekend before returning home this Saturday, until my dad decided to fly me out halfway across the country to visit him where he works. Backstory, my parents, who've been married for just over 30 years, are hardworking individuals and have raised us well. Much of the credit towards achieving the American dream goes to my mom for flying halfway across the world away from their native country to land a job in the U.S., where

0:51 my dad, 62 male, and two older siblings, who were toddlers at the time, eventually joined. After years of working up the corporate ladder, we've been living a comfortable upper middle class lifestyle in California. Everything looks fine on the outside. I'm the youngest of three and I'm extremely close to my dad, primarily because my mom, although very loving, has the tendency to nag and micromanage like crazy. The sight of her, my dad says, caused them to grow apart over the years. Because of this, he was quick to accept a job offer out of state six years ago.

1:22 A couple years before this, my mom suspected him of infidelity when she saw him first frantically closing out tabs on the computer when entering their bedroom to the point of locking the door and demanding he fessed up, to which he adamantly denied. Since then, they've continued as normal. There was an incident in 2010 when my sister was in Vegas and dad was in Phoenix on business. until she saw him strolling along at Caesar's Palace with a younger and older woman, presumably the mother. When she confronted him about it a week later, he vehemently denied anything was going on and that the woman was just a friend or co-worker. By the way, this comes from Is A Throwaway, though, and if you want to submit your

2:04 own stories, go to r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

2:08 I'm Riley.

2:08 And we're here to give some good advice in a little goofy way. But we don't have all your answers. We'd only tell you what we would do, but you should let us know what you would do down in the comments. Since moving out of state for work, his weekend visits became so sparse to the point where he barely comes every month. usually on Saturdays and leaves early Sunday mornings. Mom is under the impression this is all temporary and he'll be back permanently in due time, despite recently accepting another job offer in a different state, much further away in the middle of the country. Why is he taking job offers like completely not in state? Who does that? He wants to not be part of this family anymore. If I was the wife, I'd be like,

2:44 take a job in the state. Stop being so far away. Sounds like he doesn't like his wife.

2:50 Ah, but the money's better out of state.

2:53 The money. My other family's better out of state.

2:55 It's like universities. They pay more out of state.

2:58 He admitted to me that he is much happier with his freedom, never having to report to her what time he's coming home, what he's up to, etc. and that he no longer loves my mom. She waits on him hand and foot when he actually is around while he treats her as a roommate. My siblings and I suspected him of dating other women slash having second families with them because he was never short on excuses of why we couldn't just fly up and visit him. why he couldn't make it to my older sister's wedding, etc. Meanwhile, my gut feeling all these years have pointed to him having affairs, but hoping he had stopped while I maintained distance from involvement. I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt because of how close we are, but

3:38 this weekend took the cake. I assumed I would fly out to where he resides for work, anticipating a weekend of bonding time and sightseeing. When we met at the airport, he said, we're going to meet some friends of mine. But don't judge. My stomach dropped. Don't judge?

3:52 He's like, no, we're going to meet some friends of mine that look a little like me. Don't worry about it, don't ask too many questions. I might kiss one of my friends. Don't worry about it, don't ask too many questions.

4:02 I may have to burp and feed a child that may or may not be mine. Don't ask too many questions. Just don't judge me. I joked with my fiance days ago about this, but assumed he wouldn't pull such a heavy stunt. But there we were, driving to the other woman's house. I met someone about 50 plus, and we'll be staying with her. She has three kids, two of which are teenagers. What the crap? I couldn't stomach this.

4:28 And to top it off, I knew I was going to be forced into being social with a family of strangers I don't even approve of. I flew into bomb F Egypt for this. Egypt is kind of cool though. Yeah, that's kind of fun.

4:41 Not back whenever there wasn't much going on.

4:43 Yeah, this was pre-pyramids. This was pre-Egypt. This was tens of thousands of years ago. After the awkward introduction, we all went out to lunch in the city where there was continued awkwardness on the way there with forced dialogue. OP, why are you so quiet? It made me sick hearing this other woman say crap like, do you need cash for parking? Are you okay, honey? While walking to the restaurant, my dad had the nerve to tell me to hold the 10-year-old girl's hand while we crossed the street. I pretended not to hear him, but he kept insisting.

5:14 F that.

5:15 Because who are these dang people? I was even more annoyed when we were alone at one point, and he told me to talk more so that they get used to it.

5:22 What?

5:23 He's prepping you for something.

5:25 So they get used to you, your voice? no thanks i refused to play the big sister role to a bunch of strangers whose existence i just discovered an hour prior and act as if i condone your behavior we walked to a nearby historical monument where i was forced to take pictures with this family smile op i found it weird the way he interacted with the kids like he was trying too hard to tolerate them as a way of getting close to their mother the little girl was trying to point something out at the monument, but my dad kept brushing her off with, oh, okay, okay, nice, just to shut her up. When my dad got up to use the restroom, I asked how they met.

6:00 Online!

6:01 He was just so funny, and we FaceTimed before the meeting. It felt so effed up hearing this lady gushing over my dad, who, by the way, was no longer wearing his wedding ring. Low-key shocked that OP's not immediately just like, not that she should have to, but I don't know how I would hold that in, you know? I'd start screaming. Yeah, I'd be immediately- You met him online?

6:20 Yeah.

6:21 He's married! I'd immediately be like, he's married, he's married, my dad is married. I would say, do you know how I fit in this equation? Yeah, do you know who I am? Do you know who I actually am?

6:30 Do you know how we met?

6:31 Who do you think I am? I mean, I'm sure he introduced them as, this is my daughter. What do you think's going on here? We went back to the house with the intent to rest before dinner and I was told I'd be staying in the little girl's room. Thinking I'd finally have a private moment to myself, I walked in only to see that the girl wasn't going to leave. She sat in a chair in the corner playing games on a phone while I was expected to nap slash rest in her presence. I stepped outside to have a panicked phone call with my fiance about all the awkwardness before mustering up the courage to talk to my dad. When I came back inside, I heard my dad call my name and followed his voice down the hallway,

7:05 only to enter the bedroom of the other woman where I saw them lying beside one another. Is everything okay? Take a nap before we go out to dinner. Yeah, no. Dad, can I have a word with you real quick? I took him outside and told him how shocked I was being brought out here to encounter something I so strongly disapprove of, and his only reactions were to nod, tell me he understands, and say okay. We'll leave early tomorrow morning then before the flight home. He went back to the room to nap, but I felt like I was brushed off.

7:35 Just like the little girl. Also, he wasn't napping.

7:37 What were they doing in there?

7:38 Clapping.

7:39 Oh, no.

7:41 Oh, man.

7:42 I needed an exit plan quick and neither Lyft nor Uber operate in the city. No, it's bomb F Egypt.

7:48 Yeah.

7:49 Yeah.

7:49 Middle of nowhere.

7:50 Middle of nowhere Egypt. There's only pyramids here. We have no other form of transportation. Maybe a camel. But those are also scarce. yes i managed to find a cheap hotel deal for one night close to the airport and a taxi app hoping the cab came quickly enough for me to sneak out just as it pulled up to the house i grabbed my stuff tiptoed to the front door thinking i was clear and heard the lady from the kitchen say is everything okay yeah this was great but i gotta go i sit in the back of the cab and just as i was about to pull up the address to the hotel cab driver told me to look up and i see my dad eyes bloodshot stifling Tears. Where are you going? Why are you leaving?

8:27 When I told him the situation made me uncomfortable to the point of getting a hotel room, he apologized to the cab driver and paid in cash, insisting he would take me instead. When we had a moment in the driveway, I echoed my previous sentiments of not wanting to be culpable in this mess. Yeah, we should have gotten you a hotel room in the first place. Uh, no, you should have never brought me out here, ever. I know you'd be shocked, but I was hoping you'd understand. What the F?

8:50 So this woman can't be married to him because you're... Yeah, no. I was like, unless she's in a different country, I don't know.

8:55 So how long have they been doing this for?

8:57 Well, yeah, because this is just like his girlfriend and they have a whole, they have children. I mean, there's a 10 year old.

9:02 Yeah.

9:03 I don't know if that's his or not.

9:05 He just convinced her to be like chill. I mean, maybe she'd never wanted to get married, but.

9:10 He was extremely apologetic on the drive to the hotel saying he ruined my weekend. Oh man, I'm sorry I ruined your weekend. No, you ruined my life, dad. After he walked me into my room, we had a serious talk and I told him he needs to fix this before crap really hits the fan. I insisted they continue with their dinner reservation without me, and he told me that it was for me and that they would no longer be going. He ended the conversation with, it would make me really happy to see you and have dinner with you tonight. It's up to you. Text me regardless of what you choose. Come 7 p.m., I was torn. Girl, you should have.

9:41 Gotten that cab.

9:42 You should have went back. You should have went in that cab.

9:44 Let's go. Let's go. Like, why aren't we immediately calling mom, saying, hey, mom? You should divorce your husband.

9:49 Hey mom, fun news.

9:51 Yeah, this shit's in. Divorce him. Let your mom divorce this guy.

9:55 Come 7 p.m., I was torn between even seeing him again or going across the street to TGI Fridays for Buffalo Wings. But I wanted to give him another chance. I told him I would like to have dinner with you if and only if it is only you and me. Assuming he'd pick me up for a father-daughter dinner date.

10:13 He said, I will bring you noodle stir fry, honey. I chilled in my hotel room waiting and waiting and telling my two older siblings about this ordeal who were concerned with my safety and well-being. After about two hours, I told him not to come by anymore and that I'd take care of myself. But I have food for you.

10:28 Do you want me to bring it? Cancel your order. Okay, fine. Feeling guilty of rejecting him, I waited another hour, 10, 15 p.m., And he finally came by with what looked to be leftovers or takeout. I was angry at myself for being so forgiving when I was merely an afterthought while he was out treating his other family. The following morning, when he dropped me off at the airport, he said, I'm sorry this trip did not meet your expectations. Well, no crap. You dropped a huge bomb on me.

10:54 I'm sorry learning that I've been cheating on your mother and leading a whole double life didn't pan out for us this weekend.

11:01 Here's the problem. My mom has no idea any of this is going on. I fly back home in California. this Saturday. My dad plans on flying in too. I was under the impression this would be the weekend he'd fess up, but he volunteered to help my older brother and his wife and baby move into their new apartment.

11:16 My guess is he plans on coming clean to the family later in the weekend, if at all. My older siblings want to break the news to my mom either Friday or Saturday. likely before I arrive since my flight lands later afternoon. I'm grappling between even telling her because I'm trying to keep my distance from their marriage, but I feel it became my business from having involuntarily witnessed evidence of the affair firsthand. I mean, you don't even have to tell her. You can let your siblings tell her.

11:41 They'll do it. Just let them do that.

11:43 If it's stressing you out and your siblings are chill with doing it before you even arrive, just do it that way.

11:48 You don't owe your dad anything. It's true. He's a little cheater.

11:52 You should just win the cab. I don't know why you backed out of it.

11:54 Should have gotten that cab to LAX. Well, she saw her dad crying. I would... Don't care. I don't know. If I saw my dad crying, I'd be like, okay, maybe.

12:03 If I saw my dad cheating, I'd be like, what are you doing?

12:07 That is also true. If I saw my dad cheating and then crying, I'd be like.

12:10 Not only cheating, having a second family.

12:13 Second family, I'd be like, ew.

12:14 Ew.

12:16 Cab home.

12:17 I'm done here.

12:18 True, true.

12:19 Or for me, I'd be getting a horse and getting out of town.

12:22 The fact that my mom can be a highly volatile person and my potential absence to help handle this as a family makes me uneasy and almost not looking forward to coming home. On top of all this, I begin school next Monday. So the worst is still yet to come because my mom's reaction will be scary. Our rationale is that it would be better to brief mom on this.

12:45 To not only save ourselves from potential backlash, if you knew, why didn't you tell me? But so that she doesn't feel completely alone in all this. If they knew and didn't tell me, who else could I trust? My siblings have villainized the other woman, but I can't help but feel horrible for her. She thinks she is dating an honest man who is divorced and good to her children.

13:04 and seems excited to finally meet me because my dad often boasts about me. I can't rid myself of the guilt, plus feeling like I betrayed my dad's trust, despite him betraying the trust of the entire family. I'm really sorry this was long, but I'm panicking and I need insight. What is the best way to approach this while minimizing damage?

13:21 What I really fear is my mom's volatility and her taking it out on us, especially me. Have you been a witness and not telling her immediately?

13:30 I think you need to tell your mom. And I think you seem pretty stressed.

13:36 How old is Opie again?

13:37 About to start college again.

13:39 So college age.

13:40 Yeah.

13:40 I would say have your siblings tell her ASAP and say you didn't, you know, if she's like, why didn't you tell me?

13:45 You're like, I didn't know. I just found out. We told you immediately.

13:49 Yeah.

13:49 The thing is, if this were to happen, like in my family and like my dad were to like, you know, cheat on my mom or something, immediately telling my mom. Yeah. Yeah. I, that's just like, yeah, I don't think, don't wait.

14:00 Yeah.

14:01 I'm like, why live in like ignorant bliss? No, it's, you know, she's not even in bliss.

14:05 Yeah.

14:06 Literally marriage already. Why just live in ignorance? Yeah.

14:09 Yeah.

14:10 Have your siblings tell her there's an update here. Mom quit her high paying job to invest herself in a business while I was away for the summer. Even before this, my dad has always been in charge of most of the finance while mom has been stashing away in savings. He pays the cars, mortgage, et cetera. Older sister spoke to dad a couple of days ago and his words were, you know how your mom will react if she ever disrespects me. I will stop paying the mortgage, the cars, the phone bill. And if you say something, I will disown you and never come back.

14:38 Oh my gosh.

14:39 The hero of this story. He said, you know how your mom will react. She sucks. Also, I'm going to disown you if you tell her. Like what? Why do we all have to be complicit in your scheme? Yeah. For real. If someone said that to me. Yeah. Like if you tell her, I'm going to disown you. I'd be like, oh, okay.

14:57 Then I'm telling your new wife that you're cheating on her. Either way, you're going to get found out, buddy.

15:04 Oh no, I can blow up your life too.

15:06 Yeah.

15:07 Watch out. Literally. Mutual destruction. It's like you have any leverage on OP or any of the siblings. You're the one in the wrong. Yeah, like OP can end both of your marriages. You basically already disowned us when you started cheating. So, oh no, he's going to do the same thing that he's been doing all these years. Oh no.

15:24 Yeah.

15:25 What a threat. As if that's any different than what's going on now. Before telling her, I already hate that this is being stalled. We are going to seek legal advice in order to protect my mom the best way possible. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to want to spill the beans, but that will result in very dire financial consequences for mom. And that's the end.

15:43 Ang!

15:44 You know what?

15:45 I think that's the only reason I would hold off is knowing how mom would react and wanting to safeguard her first.

15:51 Yeah, be there for her.

15:52 Yeah.

15:53 That's smart.

15:54 And that's the end of the story. We're going to read the next one.

15:57 My grandmother promised her piano to me and my sister, but I'm the musician. Only I get the piano. My grandmother is about to move into assisted living. Because of this, she is getting rid of most of her stuff from her current home. My sister, 23 female, and I, 25 female to male, get first choice on many of the things my grandmother is getting rid of. My grandmother owns a piano that used to be her mother's. It is something my family has cherished for a long time. I am a musician, and when I started going to school for a music degree, my grandmother promised me that she would give me the piano. either when she passed or when she moved into assisted living. Last week, I found out that she had also promised the piano to my

16:36 sister a while back. This wasn't malicious or intentional on my grandmother's part. Her memory is no longer the best, and she did not realize she had promised it to both of us. By the way, this comes from Death6Boy. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit on Savannah.

16:53 I'm Sophia.

16:54 I'm Keon.

16:54 And we are here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we don't have all of the answers. We're only going to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in your comments. My sister and I are now trying to figure out who gets the piano. My sister argues that she should get the piano because she has a long-term partner and they want their future kids to learn to play the piano on my grandmother's piano. I argue that I should get the piano because I'm the only one who is actually a musician, so I would already be using it long before my sister and her partner have children.

17:23 My mother says I shouldn't want the piano because I am a vegan and the piano has ivory, therefore making me a bad vegan if I keep the piano. My response to that would be I didn't buy this extremely old piano and it is a family heirloom that means a lot to me. We haven't brought this dilemma up to my grandmother because she has declared that if we cannot decide who gets something of hers... She will sell it without question and no one in my family wants this piano to be sold. It feels like my family is on my sister's side and they think I am being selfish for wanting this piano even though I am realistically the person who would use it the most. So am I the a-hole for wanting this precious family heirloom?

18:00 Update!

18:00 I talked to my grandmother about the situation. Originally my sister and I kept it between ourselves because my grandmother promised to sell any item we argued over. However, I wanted my grandmother's insight. My grandmother felt guilty about accidentally promising the piano to both me and my sister. We discussed the pros and cons of me keeping the piano or giving it to my sister. In the end, we decided it would be best if my sister kept it because the piano hasn't been maintained very well and my sister mostly wants it because of its sentimental value. That was what I was wondering. Makes sense. Yeah, maybe it's just so old it doesn't really play well. It's probably out of tune. Probably super out of tune. I mean,

18:36 you could get that tuned. Yes, you can. But sometimes it's like so not well taken care of. Oh, that it's a, well, if you need, yeah, I guess if it's really, really old, like you get like those weird keys.

18:49 Yeah.

18:49 And whatnot. Like I have, my mom bought me an upright. I mean, we have the upright, which is not tuned at all. Yeah.

18:55 Yeah.

18:56 And she like, she got it from a frigging garage sale. We got it from the street.

19:00 Yeah.

19:01 Like we got it from down the street, which is so cool. That's, That's crazy.

19:05 Well, most people just don't sell pianos because it's so hard to transport them.

19:08 It's true. And plus, when you transport them, you have to tune them again as soon as you transport them because they're so fragile.

19:14 Yeah.

19:14 Like anything, any movement, like literally just moving one like side to side could bring it out of tune. That's why people are like, once you put them in, you don't move them.

19:22 It is a bummer, though, because I totally get the desire to want a free piano.

19:26 Because I'm going to want a piano. I'm also going to want a piano in my house. My grandmother told me that if I let my sister keep the piano, she would buy me a piano that is in better condition. I am beyond grateful for this. Opie's like, I am good with that.

19:39 Yeah.

19:40 Take the piano.

19:41 I'd be like, I am taking that deal. And she just goes back to the sister and she's like, you're right.

19:46 You're right. I do want you to have this piano. I'm guessing this all worked out. out then. I don't know what else.

19:51 All is well.

19:52 What other problem? No, that was, you handled that well. Let's see. My grandmother decided to talk to a friend about this situation and they informed her that they have a piano that they are trying to get rid of. and the piano is in good condition. My grandmother said she will pay for the cost of the piano as well as the cost of moving the piano. I offered to pay myself, but my grandmother said that she has the money and doesn't mind paying, and to consider it an apology for starting an argument between me and my sister. Overall, this turned out a lot better than I expected. My sister and I both get a piano, and a family heirloom gets to stay in the family. Thanks for all the advice on the original post. That went really well.

20:30 Yeah.

20:30 Good work. We never find those stories.

20:32 Sounds like music to my ears.

20:34 And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.

20:37 My husband ran our home like a boot camp, so I stepped in.

20:41 Ooh, tan hut.

20:43 My husband is a former military officer who left the military after 10 years of service and went into civilian work. My husband had previously expressed an interest in early exposure to physical fitness and military training for our son to better prepare him for life, but I said I wasn't ready for that. My husband, for his credit, wanted to start as early as eight for his credit, but I convinced him to wait until he was a little older so he had more time to grow. But I still think 12 is way too early. While I have no problem with the military, I had a problem with regimenting our son so much. I was raised in a fairly free-flowing household, and my parents never really exacted that much regiment or schedule or structure in our lives and let

21:21 us do stuff within reason. My parents were hippies, and his father was a career military officer.

21:26 And family was military. By the way, this comes from son training program. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

21:34 I'm Keon.

21:35 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. My husband has my son on an exercise, nutrition, and firearms training program he came up with. My son no longer has any free time outside of school, schoolwork, and these programs. And my husband only allows him to see his friends or have breaks on Sundays. He no longer does any clubs at school or sees his friends any other times than once a week on Sundays. My husband picks him up at school every day. Brings him home, sits about the dinner table where he does his schoolwork, does an hour of exercise before eating, getting 30 minutes of TV or computer games.

22:10 And then bed.

22:11 My husband makes him do 45 minutes of calisthenics and running in the mornings too. My son is up at 5 a.m. every day to run with his dad and is in bed every night by 9 p.m.

22:21 The latest.

22:22 Saturdays, my husband takes him to the firing range where he instructs him. I tried to tell my husband to wait until my son was older. especially for the firearms but my husband basically said no and took him anyway i don't think it's healthy for a 12 year old to be so regimented or exposed to pew pews but i don't know how to bring up my concerns with my husband my son complains a little bit about the exercise and the wake up lights out time but seems fine with everything else is this healthy for my son do i try and do anything I tried talking with my husband about it, but he shut me out and said it's for his own good and his son needs to be ready to face the world and its problems.

22:56 And I don't know how to effectively bring up my concerns about it. Oh boy, we got an update, folks. I mean, do you feel like you can't bring it up? Like, is he going to like do something? You know, is he going to be like, all right, son, sicker.

23:08 Like, has he secretly been plotting against you or something? Like, I don't know.

23:12 I don't know.

23:13 Like, the fact that y'all clearly have super different views on how to parent your child, and yet you have no say? Update, I talked to my husband about some of the things mentioned. The first thing I said was that it probably wasn't a good idea to take him out of all his extracurriculars. I also said if it was possible for him to join JROTC and get both the social exposure and the things he wanted for my son.

23:34 My husband said that he was definitely going to tell my son about JROTC and see when he's.

23:39 Old enough that he can join.

23:39 Apparently, you need to be in the ninth grade for JROTC at the minimum. Well, I mean, that's also crazy, but.

23:44 At least even the JROTC realizes maybe we shouldn't put.

23:47 12-year-olds in the middle. Yeah, that's good.

23:51 And my son isn't in the ninth grade for another two years. He's doing a summer school type program right now so he can take some better classes next year and will be in the seventh grade this school year. My husband agreed to relax on the physical stuff from five days a week to three and letting him sleep in on Tuesday and Thursday before school and letting him have extracurriculars back on those days.

24:10 Awesome.

24:10 At least we've got a little bit back. Our son used to be part of an electronics club on campus that met on those days.

24:16 So he'll be back to that.

24:17 My husband also agreed to let him do what he wants on those days with his free time after finishing his homework and dinner. I talked to her son at the same time if he had any thoughts, and he said he liked being with hubby and didn't really mind spending the time and learning from him. And he was really interested in doing the JROTC thing when he was in 9th grade. I talked to both of them about Saturdays and maybe asked if on a purely financial perspective, ammunition is expensive, if they could cut back one or two weekends a month, and they said sure. My husband said that son could do what he wants on Saturdays and Sundays as long as he's home before 9pm. This does seem like a good conference.

24:47 I think so, too. I think maybe he didn't realize that he was going too hard on him. And, you know, he's not like the son is insane. Yeah. You know, hey, dad, maybe this is a lot, you know, because he wants to impress his dad. And also that's how they bond.

25:01 That's, you know, pretty sure any time he talks up, the dad will take it as like or he will take it as like him talking back.

25:07 Yeah that's what i was worried about i do appreciate that he's listened and he's i i think saturday sunday reasonable i think he's got more free time i don't think it's a bad thing for him to say like let's do some workouts but stuff.

25:19 Like i think 12 year olds should exercise.

25:21 I talked to her son alone if he had any thoughts about what he wanted to maybe do when he was older to see inside his head and he said that he liked the idea of serving but he really likes engineering and computers my husband exposed him to that too i guess My husband does a lot of DIY stuff around our house and little projects here and there if he has free time. He said that maybe he liked the idea of working with the Army Corps of Engineers in the future or maybe trying to find volunteering around that. I mentioned that to my husband and he said he'd see if he could do something near us with them. I guess they did a presentation as part of his summer school program and he liked what they talked about and about university and schooling. He definitely wants

25:54 to go to university, so that's good. All in all, my husband was reasonable. Met me on what I said and my son seemed happy with what we came up with and talked about.

26:01 All right, that's positive. Yeah, that's positive. So I think all in all, it was just let's communicate on what we want instead of just having you kind of run the household like a base camp. Yeah, that's too much, especially for a kid.

26:13 Yeah, I hope because I think there could come a day where this kid is not 12 because I remember when I was 12 and I wanted to be a veterinarian and that was all I wanted to do. And if my parents had been like, you have to be a veterinarian, you can't be an actor, that would kind of push me away from them. So I hope that There doesn't come a time where this kid is like, I want to do something else.

26:32 And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.

26:35 My mother-in-law's family talked behind her back, so I exposed them.

26:39 Hey, say it to my face. So recently, I had to defend my mother-in-law against her own siblings. My in-laws just celebrated a big milestone in their marriage. They've been together for 35 years. They threw a little anniversary party and invited all their siblings. My father-in-law only has two sisters and his mother, and my mother-in-law has 10 brothers and sisters.

26:58 She invited all of them to come, and they did.

27:01 Maybe two or three of them didn't come because some are sick or have since passed. While we were all sitting there, my mother-in-law got up to change my son's diaper inside the house. We were all outside in the backyard. I don't think they realized that I understood Spanish and spoke it and wrote it. I'm Mexican-American and I have very much European features. I do have a bit of indigenous in me, but with the way I styled my hair and my makeup, I don't look African. By the way, this comes from HistoricalLeave775, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

27:30 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

27:32 I'm Keon.

27:32 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. Once she got up and they confirmed that she was inside, they started talking bad about her.

27:43 I started to get upset.

27:44 They were speaking about how she is as a mother, a grandmother.

27:48 And a mother-in-law.

27:49 I turned to my husband and I texted him what was going on. He and his father said that it was okay for me to say something, which I did. Once I started speaking in Spanish, they were stunned. And they pretty much realized they had just dug themselves into their own grave. My brother-in-law had been hearing everything as well and they were okay with me saying something. Until my mother-in-law came out and realized they were all trying to fight with me. At this point, I felt like they had all burnt their own brain cells just trying to argue with me. Nothing was working and I was winning that battle. My mother-in-law said that she could have handled it if we had just told her. we all know that if we had allowed her to handle it

28:23 she would have allowed them to all run her over she never defends herself now i'm starting to feel like maybe i should have just allowed her to handle it since they're siblings so am i the a-hole no.

28:32 You stood up for something that you believe in you're never the a-hole yeah but no yeah unless it's like something that's not good yeah yeah i understand that.

28:41 Doing something terrible but i think you got permission from brother-in-law yeah they're.

28:45 Talking crap and you got the permission and they're like yeah get them get them they said sicker yeah get on them and opie did and i think that's it sounds like your mother-in-law was you know it's kind of a thing of like hey you know like you don't have to do that appreciate it you don't have to though i have a bit of an update and i also want to speak about how our little family dynamic works i have not fully met my husband's family and i really haven't had a chance to sit there and speak to.

29:09 Them these last couple of years nor does my mother-in-law really speak too much to her sisters or brothers. This last get-together was the first time they actually came to celebrate anything for her, because they all live outside of the country, and it's very expensive and hard to get a visa to enter into the U.S.

29:25 From Mexico. Did her partner, like, know that this was happening? Like, because it seems like, you know, like, he's like, oh, yeah, like, you can say something. They were all in the room. I don't know why. Yeah, why they weren't saying anything. That's why I think it's, like, kind of weird, and I think that they didn't want to be the bad guys and they were fine with op being the bad guy yeah that is super weird you're definitely not the a-hole i thought of here an icu.

29:50 Perhaps i don't know But we got a little bit left. My mother-in-law is only in contact with maybe two of her sisters. That day they didn't come because, like I said, everything's very expensive right now to travel. So yes, I have not met all of my husband's aunts and uncles. I do not have them on Facebook. I don't allow my mother-in-law to post anything about me on Facebook. And I've asked her to refrain from speaking about me to her family just with the knowledge of them being so cruel to her.

30:14 Low-key, a lot.

30:15 The Facebook thing, sure. But to be like, don't even tell your family about me. I don't even want them to know anything about me. I don't want them to know I exist.

30:22 Yeah, I don't know. This is weird.

30:24 And honestly, they didn't even know I was married to her nephew. That's how bad they don't know each other anymore. I mean, is that because you said don't tell them about me or because... I don't know.

30:32 It's just a family disconnect. Who knows?

30:33 They were truly surprised that he was married to somebody. And honestly, they were very surprised that we also have a child.

30:39 Dang.

30:39 Because like I said, he had not spoken to them in over 10 years. They had no clue who I was.

30:45 That's it. Well, that seems like a whole separate issue.

30:47 Yeah.

30:48 Maybe.

30:48 I don't know. Just maybe next time you talk crap, you don't do it where you don't want anyone to hear it.

30:54 Yeah.

30:55 Truthfully.

30:56 Speak it in your own language. Make your own language to talk crap in.

30:59 Speak it in your own language. Like a little bat of an eyelash. Little, what is this? Eyebrows up. Little oink.

31:08 And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.

31:10 Hey, this is Riley, the new Californian here. We're going to get back to these stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

31:17 My husband and mother confessed their affair and asked me.

31:20 To accept it.

31:21 Your who? I, 21 female, have been married to my husband, 33 male, for a year and three months now. My mother, 40 female, has always had a soft spot for him, which I appreciated. When she first met him, she told me I was so lucky to have an amazing person in my life. The two of them always got along fine, which I figured was just from their closeness and age. However, during our wedding, I noticed weird behavior from her. On my wedding day, she told me she wished she was the one in the gown, referring to my dress. When I asked what she meant, she just laughed and said, She'd had too much to drink. She also suggested she and my husband have a dance together. I laugh because I thought it was a joke, but given everything that's happened,

32:01 it clearly wasn't. Further down the line, she started asking me overly personal, inappropriate questions about my marriage. I told her I wasn't comfortable. And she said my aunt was curious. She also began asking my husband strange, invasive questions that made me uncomfortable. My suspicion grew over the last three months.

32:19 My husband told me my mom had asked him to renovate her kitchen as he works in construction and that he'd be there after work Monday through Wednesday. When I offered to join him, he said it would be boring for me. When I asked my mom if I should come, she.

32:31 Said I was being a nagging wife for asking.

32:33 By the way, this comes from Nikki1296, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit.

32:39 I'm Sophia.

32:40 I'm Dakota.

32:41 I'm Keon.

32:42 And we're here to give.

32:43 Some good advice, goofily, and if you've got advice, put it down below. But we got more story. After he started visiting, he was never interested in spending time with me when he got home. My suspicions grew further when I visited my mom's place and the kitchen looked exactly the same as before. When I confronted them, they said they were still just prepping. In that moment, I knew something was wrong. I left work early one day and went by my mom's place to see what was happening.

33:07 Her place has a lot of windows and you can see nearly every room if you wander around. When I got to the study's window, that's when I saw my husband and mother together. I screamed and cried. When they saw me, my mom looked down in disbelief while my husband ran out of the room.

33:21 Your mom was screaming and crying, too.

33:23 Oh, no. Okay, hon. That's terrible. And it's, I mean, it's probably right.

33:30 Am I wrong?

33:31 Yes, you are wrong, because her terrible husband is a bad lover.

33:36 I ran to my car and drove off, hyperventilating. When I got home, I packed some clothes and essentials, then drove to an empty car park and sat there for over four hours, just crying. I eventually returned home, waiting to confront him, but he wasn't there, and there was no sign he had been. I figured he'd stay somewhere to give me space. When I woke up, I wasn't ready to talk to him, so I called my aunt instead.

33:58 She told me he stayed at my mother's house to be there for her. My mouth dropped and I couldn't say a word. I asked if she could set up a meeting with me, my husband, and my mother, and she said she'd take me there. In the car, my aunt admitted my mother had told her about the affair and that she told her to stop. My mother lied and said she had then yesterday, right after I caught them, confessed everything. she'd still been seeing him i told my aunt i was disappointed she hadn't told me and that she'd lost my trust she seemed to understand when we got to the house my husband had his arm around my mother he's like well we've been caught so it actually doesn't.

34:32 Matter anymore now it's real I'm not exaggerating when I say I would spend the rest of my life making sure these people never, ever live in comfort.

34:41 Yeah, I'm never seeing them ever again. Keep in mind, I'd caught them a day before. My mother started crying the moment she saw me and hugged him, which only aggravated me. To keep this short, they told me.

34:52 They wanted to be together and hoped one.

34:54 Day I'd accept them. I couldn't feel anything, so I just started laughing in shock. Even my aunt told my mom she was being ridiculous. They claimed they'd been in love for a year.

35:04 You've been together for a year and three months.

35:06 Yeah, let's do some math here.

35:07 So three months after your wedding, they fell in love. Why did he marry you?

35:11 Like the rest of my life will be spent.

35:14 Making sure these two people are miserable. And I never think that that's a good idea. That's the only thing you.

35:20 Can do here though.

35:22 And that my mother could see herself starting a family with him. I sat in silence while my mom pleaded with me to say something.

35:28 I couldn't.

35:28 I asked my aunt to take me home and she got me out of the car immediately. As soon as I got in the car, I started bawling. She offered to let me stay with her, but I just wanted to be alone. It's been a week and I've been home alone. My mother and I have always had problems and she's always blamed me for my father's passing. So in a way, I think this is her way of getting back at me. In what way would you?

35:50 How?

35:51 How?

35:51 Pushed him in front of a train.

35:53 Yeah. Oh, he pushed him in front of a train.

35:55 I'm honestly not sure what's next for me. My husband and I had agreed I'd be a stay-at-home mom, which is what I wanted. I'm not great with legal matters and have no idea what to do from here, so any advice on that would be great. I'm sorry this is so long. I would never have turned to social media in the past, but I didn't have anyone else to turn to. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

36:14 And we have an update five days later, but what do you think?

36:17 I think the coyote piss super soaker is the apex of my advice for you, honestly. Just spray that on their car, spray that on the door, spray it on the porch, spray it in the back.

36:29 Spray it in the front.

36:30 Spray it on a train.

36:31 And do it in a way where you can't get caught because it probably isn't legal.

36:35 I don't know.

36:35 My first step is go to the men in black. Be like, hey, erase my brain because I can't comprehend this.

36:41 This is too much.

36:42 Eternal sunshine.

36:43 A bit more context first. I don't fully trust my aunt. She and my mom are extremely close and have only ever really had each other, so she'll always put my mom's interests first. She also has a lot on her plate, so staying with her was never really an option. I'm not going to college just for the sake of it.

36:59 I want to be a mom, but I'll look for a job in the meantime since the flower shop won't be sustainable. I think I've actually lost that job since I haven't shown up for three shifts and have been dodging their calls. Well, pick up the call. Pick up the call and tell them what's going on and say you need a second.

37:14 Get a bullhorn or an air horn, pick up the call, and go.

37:20 Right into the mouthpiece.

37:22 Now to the update.

37:23 The night after I posted here, my husband came banging on our door crying, saying he'd made a mistake. He insisted my mother had been blackmailing him into being with her, that it was only supposed to be a hookup, and that he instantly regretted it. He showed me text where she told him to come over, threatening to tell me about the affair if he refused.

37:40 He went, no, no, don't do that.

37:41 He said she was threatening to tell you about the affair that we were having if I didn't come over all the time and have the affair that she was threatening to tell you about.

37:49 She was going to twist my arm.

37:50 Oh, no. But you were already having the affair, buddy.

37:53 He said he wanted us to be together again and that he'd do anything. I told him I needed space and that he needed to leave. He got upset and I started to feel uneasy, so I called his friend who came and took him back to his place to calm down. The next morning, I woke up to him cooking my favorite breakfast in our kitchen. He said he wanted to surprise me with something he knew I loved.

38:12 I told him I appreciated it, but he needed to leave, and that.

38:15 If I were to forgive him, it would take a long time.

38:18 He started crying and trying to manipulate me, so I told him to get out, pushed him out, and locked the door. Later that day, my mother came and screamed outside my door that she knew my.

38:28 Husband was there, and that I was keeping them apart.

38:31 I told her to leave, or I'd call the cops, and she did. A couple hours later, she came back and tried to get in, but the moment she heard me on the phone with the police, she drove off. I started to feel unsafe and I didn't have anywhere to go so I grabbed some clothes and I've been living in my car since. It's been sustainable for a day or so but obviously I can't do this forever.

38:51 My husband messaged saying he'd come by the house and was worried I hadn't returned. I told him he shouldn't be there but that I was staying in my car until I figured out what I wanted. He sent crying voice messages saying I was torturing myself and that if we were together he'd take care of me. I haven't replied directly but I sent him a quick I'm okay, every few hours, so he doesn't completely panic. My aunt hasn't really contacted me since I cried in her car, but as I said, she has a lot on her plate.

39:17 That's the update.

39:18 I'm in a car with no real direction, but thank you for all the legal advice. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

39:25 Comment one.

39:26 Sorry you're going through this. Sounds impossible to get through, but it will make you stronger.

39:30 Get a lawyer. Get counseling. Seek out support. OP says....

39:36 Very Americanized. She rejected her family's traditional expectations years ago, and they've never really gotten along since. Reply says, I'd tell her entire family. Play nice with your husband, get the text messages, and forward them to everyone. LOL says OP, they wouldn't care at this point. They already think she's a floozy, and they don't even like me.

39:54 Haha.

39:55 And we do have a second update six days later. I wonder if they don't like you because they think that you're like your mom.

40:01 That could be.

40:03 And maybe we could tell them, hey guys.

40:05 on a very real level, bro, get out, leave every single person that you've ever known behind.

40:12 You need to start completely over.

40:15 It's not an exaggeration that that's one of the craziest things that could probably ever happen to anybody on a like person to person relationship level. You're 12 years older than you husband starts having an affair with your 40 year old mom that gave birth to you when she was 18. And like now she's at your door screaming that you're keeping him from her. Like just move as far away as possible and start a brand new existence.

40:43 And it'll be the most liberating thing ever. I agree.

40:46 I'm glad to say I'm not in a car anymore and I'm now living in a women's shelter. An hour after my last update, a man started following my car.

40:53 Scary.

40:53 Weaving in and out of no through roads behind me for about 35 to 40 minutes. It scared me, so I followed your advice and went to a shelter. I explained I didn't feel safe at home because my husband and mother had both been pestering me. The staff were really nurturing and settling me in, and a lot of the women introduced themselves. I've never been in such a supportive environment. It might sound strange to say about a shelter, but I don't want to leave. I've made a lot of friends in the last few days and feel genuine.

41:21 I made one really good friend who's the exact same age as me, and we've even talked about finding a place to live together, which has made me excited. I've met a lot of people from different backgrounds and situations that have really opened my world. As for my husband, he recently sent a text that made me certain I never want to see him again. He said some really cruel things, then admitted he'd been seeing other women the whole time and that they provided more for him than I ever could. I simply told him to go ruin one of their lives instead. I won't act tough. I feel completely hurt and manipulated.

41:54 I really thought we had something special.

41:56 The friends I've made at the shelter were there for me through it. My mom recently posted a photo of herself with a caption, love hurts. I replied with laughing emojis since it's clear she's looking for attention and sympathy. She messaged back saying she was allowed to mourn her relationship and that I couldn't make a sacrifice for her happiness.

42:13 I sent the laughing emoji again. She then posted our interaction on her story with a quote about kids hurting their parents. So I blocked her. My aunt has gone radio silent too. I tried to message her that I was in a shelter in case she was worried, but before I could even tell her, she said she couldn't talk because she was at brunch and never followed up.

42:31 I also reached out to my grandma in Tennessee on my dad's side. I hadn't seen her since I was 15, but I asked if I could stay and explained my situation. She said I could come for a week, but after that I'd be on my own since she already had a full house. Anyway, that's the update. I'm in the shelter and planning to find a place with my friend.

42:47 I'll figure out the legal side soon. Thank you all so much for reading and I'll update if anything significant happens. Significant things are happening six days later.

42:55 Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

42:57 Let's keep going.

42:58 Yay.

42:58 So this will be my final update.

43:00 Boo.

43:01 As I think the situation has finally come to an end. Yay.

43:04 And I'm in a really good place. I left off in the shelter with a lot of friends. The girl I was going to move in with ended up going back home, so I was stuck again until I got a message from my grandma. Her mother, my great-grandma, needed someone to take care of her, and her brother would be happy to have me stay as long as I helped.

43:20 I had nothing to lose, so I took it. I arrived in Miami three days ago, and I've been loving it. I never really knew my dad's side. He wasn't close with his family, and after he passed, it was hard to stay in contact. My great uncle and his wife are very nice and they live in a lovely part of Miami near the beach. I hadn't seen my great grandma in over 10 years and she was so happy when.

43:41 She saw me. She mostly speaks Spanish.

43:43 I'll admit I said my dad was white earlier because I was scared of my identity being revealed. And that wasn't entirely true. My father was Cuban, born and raised in Miami. My great-grandma's been teaching me Spanish, and with my great-uncle translating, she's been sharing stories about my dad. She told me how he'd fall asleep on her lap at family gatherings and make everyone laugh, imitating her accent.

44:03 Seeing old photos of him as a kid made me tear up. My mom never had a relationship with him, which was her choice, even though they'd wanted to meet her. They told me they weren't shocked by what happened, because my dad had once said my mom would be unfaithful to him. That made me furious. since my mom always claimed my dad was her soulmate. I haven't heard from my mom, but my cousin's wedding went ahead yesterday. My aunt posted it on Facebook and my mom was there looking completely fine in the photos. There is still no word from my ex-husband, but his sister sent me a text apologizing on behalf of herself and his parents.

44:36 So that's the end.

44:38 I'm in a really good place taking care of my great grandma. And I'll work out what I want next in the meantime. This will most likely and hopefully be the final update.

44:46 Wow.

44:47 I mean, like, I am really impressed by how, like, quick OP, you know, got out of the house, got safe, you know, in a shelter, and then contacted grandma and got to, you know, Miami.

45:00 You know, good job.

45:00 It was probably one of the most traumatic things we've ever read.

45:04 Oh, yeah.

45:05 Not one of the most, but it's going to stick with me for a while.

45:08 One of the most shocking.

45:09 Yeah, that one, it's like, holy cow.

45:13 And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.

45:16 My grandmother gave me the cold shoulder over a mudroom renovation.

45:22 Hi everybody!

45:23 So I, 21 female, and my husband, 24 male, and our son, 7 months, are taking over my family's farmhouse. It was my great-great-grandparents, my great-grandma Mary, and then my mother Hillary's.

45:37 And now it's mine.

45:38 My grandma Colleen, 65 female, was raised there by her grandparents. and it has been a very special thing for our family. We agreed to renovate the property because of long-term neglect from my mother and great-grandmother, Hillary and Mary. Well, during this process, we've had to demo out some things, and there are certain features we do not want to keep because we're either putting an updated version in or replacing it entirely. Well, my grandmother, Colleen, has been nothing short of judgmental over every decision we make.

46:12 I think that's super fair.

46:14 The house that you have this super emotional attachment to because you grew up in it and your mother grew up in it and then you raised your, you know, like it's, of course it's going to have a sentimental value to you.

46:27 I think they could be a little bit more understanding.

46:29 Yes.

46:29 My thing that I think is still unclear at this point is you say we're taking over the house. It doesn't sound like these people are moving out though.

46:38 Do they still live there?

46:39 I think these people are all going to still live here.

46:41 Ooh.

46:42 The kitchen cabinet colors, the paint colors, what we're keeping and not keeping, etc. And it's about almost every decision we make. Mind you, we're trying to make this house work for us and our family, as is the point of a home. I grew up next door to this farmhouse and love it just as much.

46:59 As she does.

47:00 By the way, this comes from Toasty Cauliflower.

47:03 If you want to submit your own stories, go to our subreddit. I'm Dakota.

47:07 I'm Sophia.

47:08 And I'm Keon.

47:09 Well, we're here to read this story and you're here to comment what you think about it.

47:12 Just keep the salt ready, baby, because nobody knows everything.

47:15 The reason I'm now choosing to post about this is because she's in tears, giving me the cold shoulder and intentionally puts music on in the car to keep me from talking to her. My husband is in the middle of demoing out the laundry room and mudroom. In the mudroom slash hallway, there's this really old shelf and hooks.

47:35 That's it.

47:36 I plan to put mudroom built-ins there. But for now, we want a clean slate so we.

47:41 Have a better idea of the space we're working with.

47:43 That said, my husband called and verified that we were removing the shelves and hooks, and my grandma, who was in the car with me, got very upset and started crying, talking about how that's where her grandpa would keep his jacket with his hat, etc., And I understand why she's sentimental, but it's not as if I can't use those hooks after the new built-ins are put in. Yeah, you don't get it.

48:03 I don't think you get it at all.

48:05 You get 0% of this.

48:07 Your grandmother seemingly has tried to be involved in this house renovation, and you kind of have ignored everything she said. And then she's upset because this house that she loves is changing.

48:19 And grew up in. And you're like, whatever.

48:21 You can still have them. I'll give you a little box full of hooks. I don't know. I just feel like there's not a level of empathy here.

48:27 Zero. I don't think OP has zero idea. Anyway.

48:31 I don't know.

48:32 Now I'm starting to feel guilty. But at the same time, she's not the one living there anymore. I'm trying to make improvements for what is going to work for my growing family.

48:40 Am I the a-hole? And there is an update.

48:43 I really just.

48:44 Need more information about how the house got handed to OP.

48:48 That's what I need to know.

48:49 I mean, if she's not going to be living there, that is fair. But at the same time, bro, if there was a shelf in my house where it's like, yeah, my great Yeah. I guess after your son is like older, it'd be his great, great, great grandfather like used that.

49:06 Yeah.

49:07 Because it was the grandma's great grandfather. So it's OP's great, great. And it'd be the little kid's great, great, great.

49:13 Yeah.

49:13 It's like, dude, my great, great, great grandfather used these hooks.

49:18 I will cherish them.

49:19 I always.

49:20 It's cool.

49:21 Yeah, I think it's really cool.

49:22 It feels a little bit like when people buy these incredibly.

49:27 cool historic houses.

49:29 And just completely and then just yeah completely renovated to make it like modern and it ends up being really ugly and tacky and yeah you know run of the mill and there's no actual character left in it yeah i'm wondering what he's actually.

49:42 Changing it to update me and my grandma had a real talk the day after i posted and we agreed to use the hooks in the new mudroom built-ins i liked the idea and she said that would make her feel better And there was a comment that had a really good point. My son will be hanging his jacket and hat in the same place as his great-great-great-grandpa. And that truly speaks to my heart. I knew my great-great-grandparents.

50:07 They were both pissed away when I was very young, though. I miss them both very much, but I'm hoping to make them proud. I asked my great-grandma, their daughter, if she thinks they would like what I was doing. And she said she believes my great-great-grandpa especially would love it. My great-great-grandma actually would have been a fan of a white Pinterest.

50:26 Kitchen, according to Grandma Mary. That said, I am taking the.

50:29 Old shelf that was above the hooks to a woodcarver and having him carve or woodburn a picture of my great-great-grandparents into it and make a frame out of that wood as a gift to my grandma, my mom's mom.

50:41 You should maybe, did you ask her?

50:42 Yeah.

50:43 If she would love that or hate that.

50:44 I originally was going to use the old paneling in the dining room only to find out it was a stick and peel style panel. Anyways, thank you all for your amazing advice and suggestions. I feel much less alone. My grandma, my mom's mom, laughed at the comment section and proceeded to tell me in her words, it's not that deep.

51:03 I mean, you were telling us she was crying.

51:06 It still feels like you don't get it.

51:08 You don't get it.

51:08 You're like, oh, it's not that deep to me. So it makes sense. It wouldn't be that deep to anyone. And anyone who doesn't feel this way is an idiot.

51:15 I have zero sentimental value to it. Oh, well, like your grandmother's like, yeah, I carved my name in there. And then my mother and then her mother carved her name in there.

51:24 You should do that. You know, no, paint it white.

51:26 And that's the end of this story. We're going to read the next one.

51:29 Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Jersey girl here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

51:37 My mother secretly got my brother a job at the pool where I work.

51:41 Oh, the more the merrier.

51:43 For context, I, 19 female, have been working at one of the two neighborhood outside pool as a lifeguard for three summers. My brother, 16 male, finished taking his lifeguarding classes about four months ago. Since then, I've been telling him to apply to different pools which he did not do. Throughout these months, I've had at least 15 conversations with him telling him that he needs to be applying if he wants to get a job this summer. Mind you, he's almost 17 in a month, and I started working at freshly 15, but our parents have always had different standards for us because he has ADHD. A month ago, my overworked mom, seeing that he had not applied, did it for him, applying to about nine polls. She had

52:26 a lot to deal with as she is working full-time while teaching and taking classes in uni. I know, she's amazing. She was taking care of his applications and told him she secured him an interview, which he had to miss for a class activity, which I understand. Again, I told him that he needed to apply himself as I think he is old enough to do it and otherwise he wasn't going to be able to find a job as summer started in two weeks. He applied to nothing and told my mom to do it for him, which she did.

52:54 She applied to the pool I work at. Anna did not tell me, as she knew I would be upset because we had talked about it before. By the way, this comes from always a bystander, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to our subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Dakota. And we're here to talk about some stuff, give some advice, and your job is to put your comments down in the comments. Fast forward to now, he passed the interview and is supposed to be my co-worker this summer. This upsets me as I feel blindsided because had I known, I would have looked for another job because I don't want to work with him. I am pretty close with my co-workers who are all my age and older. Every Wednesday and often Friday we hang out together.

53:35 I would feel extremely awkward around my friends and having him around me. I can't really explain why but I really do not want to work with him as the dynamic would be weird. I have always felt responsible for my brother and I do not want this extra pressure during my last summer working a fun job as I am in a program with scheduled internships. My whole family is calling me selfish for asking my brother to find another job, even if it's not necessarily a lifeguarding job.

54:03 I would agree.

54:04 It's come on.

54:05 It's lifeguarding.

54:05 Who are you talking about? She's 19. He's 16. And she's like, I don't want to look after him.

54:10 And you don't have to. Like anytime there's like a metric of I've been working for three summers.

54:15 It's like, shut up.

54:16 It's a summer job. Who cares if your brother works there? It's going to work there when you're not working there, too.

54:21 I also proposed to quit my job and find something else myself, which was also shut down by my parents as I am saving money for university and only have light gardening experience and they think that I won't be able to find a job that pays me as much as.

54:35 $ 19 an hour. Hey, so did you know that you can just look for a job anyway and you don't have to care that your parents say that because you're 19?

54:42 Would i be the a-hole if i tell my parents and brother not to take the job at my work or else i will talk to my manager about possibly not accepting him or quitting the fact that my mother did not tell me until it was really too late for me to find something else and that my brother did not apply even though i told him to multiple times is making me really upset the upset is mixed with guilt as i feel responsible for my younger brother so am i the a-hole there Notifications and the final update.

55:08 Working different shifts is not really an option. A lot of comments have suggested this. The pool is generally open from 11am to 7pm, plus opening slash cleaning, and there is essentially just one shift. We don't have like a separate morning and evening shift. There also aren't that many lifeguards on staff, so if my brother works there, we're going to be working together most of the time, like 3-4 out of 5 weekly shifts. I would never actually tell my manager not to hire my brother. I really regret that last line of my post. I was frustrated emotionally and honestly just ranting. After sleeping on it and rereading my post, I can say that I would never actually do that. And I was just speaking out of

55:46 frustration for an accumulation of feelings that stem from how I feel like I'm carrying more than my share in this family. and I feel like my brother is not understanding this. That part of my post was written out of frustration, not because it was something I genuinely planned on doing. It isn't really possible for me to just find another job now. Summer has already started and the pools are open. The seasonal hirings are already done. That's a big reason why I feel blindsided by the situation.

56:12 I talked to my brother about applying for jobs for months. I reminded him repeatedly. I offered to help him. I talked to my mom. about not wanting us to work at the same pole. I feel like I did everything in my power to prevent this situation from happening. I don't think anyone was playing against me or trying to hurt me. I understand that, but I do think I'm allowed to feel frustrated that the exact situation I repeatedly expressed concerns about happened anyway after I did all I could to avoid it. When I say the dynamic would be weird, I don't mean that I hate my brother.

56:43 People were saying that I must hate my brother, but I actually love my brother a lot and feel protective of him. The problem is that I've spent years feeling responsible for him, even when nobody explicitly asked me to. That's the role I naturally take, even if it's not something I want to do. There's also another aspect of it.

57:00 Last summer, there was a guy who worked with us who reminded me a lot of my brother. People didn't bully him or anything, but they would sometimes make comments or joke about his interests and personality. Whenever that happened, I found myself defending him because he reminded me of my brother.

57:13 I'm so confused how OP's brain works.

57:16 If those comments were being made about my actual brother, I know I would have taken them much more personally. I would probably get protective and defensive. I worry that instead of just enjoying work, I'd constantly be worrying about how he's fitting in or whether people are judging him.

57:31 What do you mean just enjoying work?

57:33 You're a lifeguard.

57:34 You're supposed to be constantly worrying about all the people in the pool that you have.

57:38 To make sure aren't drowning. What are you talking about?

57:40 A lot of my coworkers are friends, but they're mostly summer friends. We get along really well at work and hang out during the summer, but I don't see most of them during the rest of the year. I guess part of my fear is that having my little brother there changes that dynamic and puts me in a position where I feel caught between him and the group. That's what I meant by it being weird. Not that I dislike him, but that I think I would have had a hard time separating being his co-worker from being his older sister. Finally, I've had some time to reflect and I've come to terms with it. After making this post, I talked to one of my closest friends. We've been friends for almost 14 years. She works at the same pool,

58:17 knows the work environment, and has known my brother since he was about four years old. She's someone who I felt could give me good advice as she knows me, my brother, and the pool. She agreed that the pool environment probably isn't the most natural fit for my brother and that having us work together will likely be a little awkward. At the same time, she also helped me work through my feelings and reminded me that while I'm allowed to be frustrated, at the end of the day, the situation is happening and I'm going to have to accept it. And I know she's right. bit left here.

58:43 I'm glad you came to terms with it, OP. I was afraid for a second.

58:47 I mean, what else was she going to do? Drain the pool?

58:49 She helped me realize that a lot of my reaction came from an accumulation of things that have nothing to do with this specific job. For a long time, I've felt very responsible for caring my family emotionally, and I've tried to communicate that to him, as he is often the source of conflicts. But I don't think it's really gotten through. Whether that's because he's a teenager, because we communicate differently or for some other reason I don't know I can't admit now that some of that frustration turned into resentment And I don't feel good about that. So while I still wish things had happened differently, I've accepted that he's going to be working there and that I'm going to have to adjust. I don't have to love

59:27 the situation, but I can deal with it. I care about my brother. I want him to succeed. And I'm hoping that once the summer actually starts, it'll end up being much less of a big deal than I've built it to be in my head. Hopefully.

59:40 Yeah, I think it will.

59:42 And I think.

59:43 you've definitely got anxiety and I think you're probably already in therapy based on the way that you speak and just keep going and keep working on it.

59:51 And that's the end of this story.