I told my husband I’m EMBARRASSED to go out with him, because of his hygiene! | Reddit Stories | EP3100

0:00 Hey, this is Keon.

0:01 And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime host. And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show going. I told my husband I'm embarrassed to go out with them because of his hygiene. Ooh, he a stinky man. I, 29th female, got into an argument with my husband, 33 male, tonight. I sat down on our couch to watch TV and freaked out thinking there was a giant spider by me. No, it was a piece of matted hair. Oh! He had to cut out earlier this week because I told him his hair was matted from not brushing it. He has shoulder-length, thick, curly hair. I lost it. Not gonna lie, I went off.

0:41 I know it sounds like I'm vain, and maybe I am, but he doesn't care at all about his appearance or hygiene. He had to cut his hair because it matted. I had to roll my car windows down to drive home after picking him up from work because his body odor was that horrible. He works outside and sweats a ton.

0:57 I asked when he last showered, and he shrugged his shoulders. We had the discussion about him being depressed before. That's what I was going to ask. He said he's not. He just doesn't think having a shower daily is necessary since I don't. I work from home and I shower every other day if I don't shower every day. I don't go more than a day without showering. By the way, this comes from Emma the A-hole appearance TR. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

1:22 And we're here to give good advice goofily. But we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do, and that's shower. If you do something else, put it down below. OP says, I told him I'm embarrassed to go out with him. I don't get dressed to the nines, and I'm not asking him to either. But at least shower and brush your dang hair. We went to a high-end hibachi restaurant for our anniversary recently. I wore jeans and a nice shirt. He wore a shirt with a hole in it and basketball shorts. Yikes. It's for your anniversary.

1:48 Yeah, you got to dress up a little more spiffy than that. Like, I would say if you want to do it more casual, like even like.

1:54 Jeans, but basketball shorts. Basketball shorts and a shirt with a hole in it? Yeah. And also, you know that he's going to smell like hibachi for the next two weeks. Ah! It's true. I begged him to at least pull his hair into a ponytail. All this being said, I love him deeply. I really do. I mean, OP, there is no doubt in my mind that you love this man because you're still here. Yeah. The scent would have driven me away. But even his mom refuses to go into public with him because of how he dresses. Am I the a-hole? And we've got comments. But what do you think?

2:25 Truthfully I don't think anyone here is the a-hole I feel like it's just a maybe he was not taught I feel like women know how to like clean and you know take care of themselves and whatnot because it's kind of expected and that's like that's a good very.

2:39 Big societal thing I feel like women have to like manicured and yes like there's things for us to like take care of ourselves and I feel like when it comes to like masculine yes societal expectations of men is is less on hygiene Yeah. And it's more like they do like the dirty work and they get down and dirty and they sweat and they don't, you know, like.

3:01 And he works at like a, you know, physical labor job. So he's probably around a lot of men who are also, you know, getting pretty stinky, who don't care maybe. The matted hair though is crazy.

3:10 Crazy like does he want red locks like.

3:13 Just say like hey dude you can shave your head if you don't want to deal with brushing your hair my ex did not know how to clean himself for like a really long time and i like taught him and everything's like.

3:24 Wow like he just was never taught And like, it was, it was kind of sad.

3:28 And I wanted him to feel confident.

3:29 I wanted him to be like, no, like you should be proud of who you are and how you look and whatever. And you should go out being like, I'm the spiffiest one here rather than.

3:37 It really is a game changer when you like put in effort into your appearance. Cause a lot, I think a lot of men, especially like go out in the world, they're like, oh, I don't care. But then when you start caring, you're like, oh, I feel more confident.

3:47 It's not like you have to care to where you are obsessed about it and need to like look better than everyone. And now I'm judging myself and judging everyone around me. Like, no, like you feel more confident. Yeah. And same with like girls like I never wear makeup. If it's like a nice event, then.

4:00 Yeah, I'll put on a little face.

4:02 But like for the most part, I'm all natural and I like that.

4:06 I just don't.

4:07 Truthfully, it's the taking off of the makeup like really frustrates me.

4:10 Let's see what the comments say. Comment one says, not the a-hole. He's going to ruin his life if he doesn't start caring about how his hygiene affects other people. OP says, we've been together 12 years. You've lived with us for 12 years? And you've never had a conversation? He's had periods where it was bad. Even got sent home from work once because he hadn't showered in over a week and his co-workers couldn't stand it.

4:32 Yikes.

4:32 But for the last six months, it's gone off the rails. Reply says, you've been with a man who doesn't regularly shower for 12 years. That was the emoji. OP says there's only been two times where it was this bad. He went through about four to five years where he wasn't working too, so he didn't sweat or get BO as quickly as he does now. And edit, this isn't a consistent issue. This has only happened twice before. And after speaking with several commenters, I've put together that it's a stress response and absolutely depression. Yes, he can say, oh, you know, it's not depression. That doesn't mean that it isn't.

5:06 Yeah.

5:07 You can say I'm excusing it. That's fine. Maybe I am. But I do still love him. And knowing him, knowing how committed he is when he starts something, he'll go to therapy and continue it. I've even offered to start doing family spa days at home with him, me, our kids, and his mom. My sister-in-law is an esthetician, so she's pitching in. And we do have an update. Let's see if any of that worked. I hope so. For Opie's nose's sake. And everyone else's. Yeah.

5:31 Even his mom. I mean, come on.

5:33 She doesn't even want to go out with him. Update. His sister came over last night after I called her crying. She's one of my best friends and has been for over 12 years. Aw. His mom and sister went hard on him and his sister offered for me and the kids to come stay with her. That's where his mom stepped in and said if anyone was going to leave the house, it'd be him. She then told him how disappointed and embarrassed about him his late dad would be.

5:55 That is maybe not the way to do this, I think.

5:59 I wonder when his dad passed because this may have contributed to this. You know, you don't have a male figure in your life. You aren't getting that, you know, guidance.

6:12 But I'm not willing to say that to him no matter what. I think that got to him though. And when he woke me up this morning to ask if I wanted to bring him to work, normally Friday to Saturday, I bring him to work so we can spend time together. He showed me that he'd made an appointment with a therapist.

6:24 Oh, good.

6:25 Good. We've got a little bit left to this story. What do you think this is the right direction?

6:30 Oh, for sure.

6:30 Yeah.

6:31 Talking to someone about it. Cause maybe he, the thing is, I don't think he sees that as a big deal. I mean, he said, I don't think I have depression.

6:37 Yeah. This is definitely a sign not taking care of yourself.

6:41 I would say depression shows up in many different ways.

6:45 Sure.

6:45 It is obviously very mental. You can also, others can see it physically when you are acting different, when you are down and depressed, when you're not enjoying things as much. And like, no shame in it. It's not like you have to, you know, try to hide it from people or whatnot. It's more just like, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go get help now. I feel like I haven't, I've been in a rut. And I noticed that too, myself.

7:06 I was like, I'm like a little rut and I just don't feel good right now. And so, you know, you go and get help and you feel better about it. talk it through, figure out what the heck happened and how you can get back to being you. Agreed.

7:17 He told me I effed up and something isn't right. Besides you and mama being sick, we're the most stable we've been in years. So I didn't think I had any reason to be depressed, but I think I am. Okay. That's a big step. Huge, actually. I told him to add a psych appointment to it, and he said I'll talk with his therapist and ask for a recommendation.

7:35 Yeah.

7:36 Thank you to everyone who helped. I showed him this post while I drove us this morning, and he said to tell everyone that mentioned depression and potential neurodivergence, thank you. We've decided to do some couples counseling, too, and continue our own individual therapies. I've been in therapy for the better part of eight years.

7:52 Wow.

7:53 Comments said, regarding that update, that's great and all, but did he shower? Yeah. That's what I was thinking. When he like came in, I thought he was going to be like, I took a shower. Look, babe. Look, babe. He goes, he goes, look, I took a shower. Look, look, smell, smell. OP says, yes, he did. He was actually in there showering using all my fancy shower and skincare stuff, which I buy with scents and stuff I know he likes.

8:14 When his sister got to our house, he got out and our bathroom and bedroom smelled like blood orange.

8:18 Yum.

8:19 Ha ha ha. laughing emoji he still strongly smelled of it this morning i mean there really is worse things that he could smell of as you know his boss is now asking for some of my soap lol i that's so funny they're like oh my god that's so brought back this man wow this man from the brink all of his co-workers are like this man smells better than like imagine you know someone who smells so awful all the time and then they come in smelling like amazing I'd be like, what? Even if it's not like that crazy of a scent, I'd be like, that is the nectar of the gods on your body. It's just a new scent.

8:51 And you're like, whoa, my nostrils have been blessed.

8:55 That's the end of that story. What a happy ending.

8:59 My wife had my sister-in-law deported and I want to expose her.

9:04 What?

9:06 Uh-oh. I, 35 male, had to come on here and get some kind of sideline perspective because currently no one else in the family knows that the reason my sister-in-law, 33 female, is deported is because of my wife, 31 female.

9:19 Well, you came to the right place, mister. We have all the answers. We know all about that.

9:24 We have every answer ever.

9:26 Mmm.

9:27 Boy, do we not sure I should out her either in my current state of mind. Sorry if this is long and disorganized My mind is currently in chaos background. We have been together for eight years No kids basically all of this began when my brother and sister-in-law moved back to our home country After he had been living in her country prior to that my wife Emma didn't have an issue with her my wife and my sister-in-law are both from the States but my wife has been living with me in my home country since we got married My brother and sister-in-law are what some people might call free-spirited. Sounds like fun. Don't know what's wrong with that.

10:02 That's what you call free-spirited.

10:05 She is from Portland, something my wife rolls her eyes at. Why?

10:08 That doesn't sound very free-spirited. Well, no, Portland is known for being very like granola, but like that's so weird for her to be like, oh, she's from Portland.

10:16 Yeah.

10:17 Ew!

10:17 Ew! and is very hipster oh that's horrible you guys kind of stink oh oh my god she's hipster i bet she like doesn't shave she's got hair they both smoke regularly something i don't have an issue with but don't feel like getting involved with either my wife has no issues with substances or substance use but she can't stand how much my brother and sister-in-law talk about whenever we see them By the way, this comes from State of Disbelief. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. As OP says, six months ago, my wife decided to finish her master's degree and was offered an opportunity to do a semester abroad.

10:55 What's her name? Why are you only doing a semester with her? What are you trying to hide? Why can't you commit? What's wrong with you?

11:00 Coinciding with that time, my brother and sister-in-law moved back here permanently. However, from what I understand, she is technically still on a tourist visa, which has expired by now since they came in February. And I'm not really sure what was going on with the whole paperwork process. They seem to be bad at planning. My sister-in-law has mentioned before that she wants to have a kid with my brother because she would not only get paid maternity leave here, but it would cement her stain.

11:27 She told my wife this over Facebook messages as well.

11:30 When my wife left to do her semester abroad, and my brother and sister-in-law moved in, we hung out a lot more. At first, my wife was cool with it and would say hi, etc. But things changed when they invited me on a road trip to Sweden.

11:44 Okay, so they are presumably somewhere in Europe. Yes. Presumably. If I had to guess, that's exactly where I'd put them. I'd put them somewhere in Europe. Somewhere in the vicinity of Europe. It is hard to get a visa there.

11:58 Yeah.

11:59 It's pretty like, OP's like, oh, well, they're just not working hard enough. It's pretty hard to get a visa there if you don't have some sort of work permit. Yeah, work-related sponsorship. Yeah. Visa or kid marriage, you know?

12:12 Something that my wife has always wanted to do with me, but we never got around to.

12:16 Uh-oh.

12:17 Here comes jealousy peeking its big old head.

12:20 Run away.

12:21 After that, she would become short in her answers whenever I said I was hanging out with him. She began to make subtle comments about my sister-in-law, and the more I saw them, the more vicious the comments got. As a result, I didn't go out with my brother so much when I knew she would be there. I love my brother, but honestly, he takes a lot of energy to be around, so it's not something I really minded too much. However, things came to a head when both my sister-in-law and my wife entered the same photo competition.

12:47 My wife entered first and then my sister-in-law saw her post and entered two days after. Then the two of them engaged in pretty childish, subtle Facebook statuses about each other, always masked as someone or this person. My wife was pissed and I took the opportunity to ask her what was going on between them. She basically told me that she resented how my sister-in-law got to see me all the time now and how she feels inadequate compared to her because she does all the cooking and I am the one who cooks in our marriage. My sister-in-law is also Asian and I made the mistake of telling my wife that I had had a thing for Asian girls back when I was 20.

13:22 Oh no, why did you say that? Well, they're like way older now. Oh.

13:28 It's like, oh yeah, you know, my type is this. I feel like my type is changing.

13:31 It does. It does change. I have never had a type beyond curly hair, which is funny because my boyfriend does not have curly hair. I was going to say. But I also never like really considered myself to have type. I think I just like a personality. Definitely a personality, but I love a specific look. I feel like everyone does.

13:48 Everyone has a specific style. I really don't think I have a specific look that I like. Really? I think the people that I've liked have looked very differently. No big deal. I'm open. Okay. I'm open to things.

13:58 She was also upset that I had gone to their wedding without her while she had been abroad during her bachelor's degree.

14:04 Your wife sounds like a piece of work. I'm sorry. She is away doing her own thing, getting her degree or whatever. And she's blaming you for the fact that she is away. It's like, I don't know what she, should I just stop my life and wait for you? Do you want me to stay in my house waiting for you? It's like, yeah, I'll hang out with my friends, but also, you know, the sister-in-law, but And also, she continues to get more and more jealous, even though Opie stopped hanging out with the sister-in-law. What else do you want?

14:29 It's just like a never-ending competition. Yeah.

14:32 She also is afraid that I'm going to start smoking again because of them. I told her it was not something I was interested in. She also brought up that she hates how I will talk crap about my brother and sister-in-law, but act perfectly fine to their faces.

14:44 Oh, my God. She's so annoying.

14:46 She's literally doing that. Is she not?

14:48 That's... Yes. Well, I guess not because she's being mean to them on Facebook. That's crazy to be like, I hate that you are upset with them, you know, and speak honestly about your feelings to me. But then when we're with them, you act cordially and polite. I'll just say I hate them. Yeah. Next time. Yeah, I'm sorry.

15:04 I was supposed to spit in their face.

15:06 She said she feels like I'm placating her by saying my sister-in-law is annoying, but I still go see her. She said it makes her feel like I will lie to fit the situation and that bothers her.

15:16 Oh.

15:18 I can see that, but also he's trying to keep the peace.

15:22 Yeah. Like why he doesn't want to cause any drama. I don't know what she wants, man.

15:27 Well, I hadn't seen my brother or sister-in-law for a few weeks and my wife and I were back to normal. She came home and we were having a good time seeing all our other friends. She didn't even bat an eyelash when I said some of the guys had invited me out for a guy's night.

15:40 All was good.

15:41 Then last week, my brother called and asked me if I wanted to hang out. He sounded pretty high and I told him no. Emma casually asked what was up and I told her. She got a bit quiet, then shrugged and went back to doing whatever.

15:53 There is no pleasing this woman. Dude, that's my brother. I don't... And also I said no. She's like, oh, oh, whatever. About 10 minutes afterwards, she said she was going to take the dog for a walk and run to the shop to get some vegetables for dinner. Oh no.

16:05 This is basically what went down. She went outside, called the police anonymously, and said that she was a concerned neighbor and could smell devil's lettuce coming from my brother's flat. The police came. My brother and sister-in-law were arrested and fined. However, when they went to pull up her profile to record the incident, they discovered her expired tourist visa.

16:29 Oh.

16:29 She had to be transferred to a sort of holding facility for people who are in queue for being deported.

16:35 I would genuinely divorce her. Crazy. Oh, my God. Could you get over this? No. Your sister gets deported by your partner.

16:45 No, I am immediately like we are done. I will not be speaking to you. How dare you do that to me and my family? Like there was not an issue and you made an issue.

16:54 Because you were jealous. Yes. You departed my sister-in-law and got my brother arrested.

16:59 Yeah.

17:00 And fined.

17:00 Now he has like a, you know, criminal record or whatever. Because you were just mad at them.

17:05 Because you didn't get to hang out with me because you chose to go pursue your education. Great.

17:11 Now there is a whole crap storm happening. My brother is beyond upset and the family is shocked. This isn't really something that can be worked around as one devil's lettuce is illegal in this country. And two, she was on an expired visa and they didn't file the correct paperwork for her to live here legally. So if she is deported, she may face a. Five to ten year ban.

17:32 I would never forgive this woman for this. That's great.

17:37 And she's just sitting there like, I didn't know that would happen.

17:39 Are you dumb? I just thought that that should go back to school. Stay in school for longer. Oh, my God. I'd be so pissed.

17:47 This means either the end of their marriage or my brother will need to figure out how to move to the US with her. The thing is, no one knows it was my wife except me. And she doesn't even sound the least bit remorseful. We had a huge row about it, and she stood by her decision, saying that if my sister-in-law was that stupid to do illegal substances as well as not have her papers in.

18:09 Order, then it was on her.

18:10 If I'm being honest, I don't care so much about my sister-in-law being deported, but I care that my wife felt so threatened by her that she went to this length. She's the type to make subtle remarks and be frosty, but she has never done anything close to this before.

18:25 So now I'm in a real bind.

18:27 I definitely cannot tell the family and I don't really feel the obligation to anyway, but I cannot just let this slide. I need to impress upon her that she has potentially ruined a marriage all in an effort to remove someone she finds annoying from our lives. What advice can you guys give me? There's no one else I can even talk to about this. There's an update.

18:47 Oh my gosh what a mess i'm gonna be so for real yeah op sucks.

18:51 Too what for not op doesn't even care like like the way that op is expressing oh you know i don't really care that my sister got reported she kind of ruined things like it feels like he is just way too i mean yes he understands the severity but it feels like he's just letting as long as she says oh i'm sorry he would let this slide Yeah.

19:12 Like I would never let this slide. She got your brother arrested.

19:16 Yeah.

19:16 Like I would never let that slide.

19:19 And now the sister-in-law is being deported.

19:21 It really feels like if she just said sorry, which I don't even think she will, he would never tell anyone and they would go back to normal. Nah, I'd be telling my whole family. Me too. I'd be like, oh my God, you will not believe this horrible person that I've already divorced.

19:33 That I am actively separated from what she did to the rest of the family.

19:38 That's just... You just broke up a family. Yeah. Like, that's what you did. My family.

19:43 It wasn't... Like, it wasn't hers. It wasn't... You know, it literally had nothing to do with her. Yeah.

19:47 She just was jealous beyond disbelief. And now... now you've ruined a.

19:51 Family thanks congrats update things are quite tense at the moment but tomorrow we have agreed upon a sit down we'll update letting you all know what happens now with us and the situation as of this moment my sister-in-law is definitely being deported oh update two i'm just gonna get right into it First, my sister-in-law is on a flight out tomorrow. There's nothing that can be done at the moment to keep her here. She now has a stamp on her passport that says expelled and a 10-year ban from the entire Schengen area. The immigration officer my brother spoke to said that it is possible for the ban to be reduced. but that is the current official time given. The American embassy was also notified about this.

20:31 My brother is a wreck. He was able to briefly visit her in the holding facility and she gets to call him twice a day, but that's it. They don't know when it will be possible to see each other again or where. If he is unable to go to the U.S. because of his arrest, they may agree to meet in a mutual country. That is just so sad to do to someone.

20:50 Yeah.

20:51 How do you live with yourself after just splitting up an entire marriage?

20:55 And also Schengen area is a zone of 29 European countries, which include Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, etc.

21:02 Dang.

21:03 But yeah, so I was the 90 180 day rule visitors from outside the EU who do not need a visa can stay in the Schengen area for up to 90 days with any rolling 180 day period. This limit counts across the whole zone.

21:15 Yeah.

21:15 So when I was traveling for three months, it was the thing of like, you can only stay in all of these countries for like 90 days. Never knew.

21:23 She has family in the Philippines, so that may be an option for them. Many of you told me to tell him what my wife had done, but honestly, in his current state of mind, I just can't do it. It would be the actual tipping point for him. I know that this probably means I will have to either never tell him or accept that when I do, it will completely destroy our relationship.

21:42 Only if you stay with her. I mean, you gotta choose a side, OP. Yeah.

21:46 I get that, you know, you love this girl and blah, blah, blah.

21:48 But she ruined your family. Yeah. Tore these two apart. She doesn't feel bad.

21:53 Yeah, she doesn't care. And she also, like, lied about it to your face. She said, oh, well, I'm just going out. Yeah, I'm just going out. Don't worry about me, blah, blah, blah.

22:01 Cops called. Everything turns into chaos. Like.

22:04 What is wrong with you? Secondly, I did tell one family member. My mother came to visit to discuss the deportation and I ended up telling her what Emma did. She was furious and she insisted that the both of us talk to my wife. Well, my wife and I had already agreed to have a long talk today about the matter and what this meant for us. I felt a little more grounded having my mother there. And then things just took a freak turn.

22:28 Oh, God. What do you think is going to happen? She's deporting someone else. Ah, actually, your mom can't be here. I'm having her deported. Sorry. And he's like, but my mom's a citizen. She's like, nah, no. I took her passport. I ripped it up and it's in shreds. There's no proof she exists.

22:43 My wife sat down, seemed really calm. She let my mom say what she wanted and just sort of sat there nodding with her hands folded. When my mom was done talking, my wife pulled out her phone and handed it to her. She showed her messages from my sister-in-law on Facebook telling my wife how she planned to have a baby in order to stay and get paid maternity leave.

23:02 My mom is extremely sensitive to this sort of thing because her own mother used her as a pawn many times when she was a child. So my mother went from being extremely angry at my wife to actually siding with her. She said it was better this way because my sister-in-law's motives for having a baby were misguided and that she couldn't believe my brother was going to go along with it. So, with my mom on her side, my wife began to lay out my sister-in-law's shortcomings and how she was creating a toxic environment that would drag us down and any potential child they would have had.

23:34 She also said that it was unfair how she had to go through the process of paperwork before coming here and my sister-in-law was resting on her laurels.

23:41 What are you talking about? talking about i still hate her op already knew about that baby text yeah because he said oh yeah like she had talked about oh well you know once i have a baby then it'll be a lot easier so i don't want to go through the it feels like she's looking for anything it's.

23:57 Kind of like cheating the system like how people do in like the military, like how they just marry.

24:02 They get married so that they can say, yeah. Like people do that all the time. Exactly.

24:05 So I don't think that her, you know, her intentions were like misguided.

24:09 No, and they also seem to have been talking about wanting a family in general.

24:13 Yeah.

24:13 It seems like I could totally be wrong. It does seem to me like from what OP has told us, the sister-in-law was just saying like, I don't want to do any paperwork because I'll just have a kid. Which sure, maybe definitely misguided in terms of like, that's why she got deported yeah but like it feels like that could be like an easier way to go about it than like going to them now with an expired visa.

24:36 Being like hey I'm gonna try to do this and they'd be like yeah actually you have to leave yeah and then fill out that thing and then come back after you get approved like you know it just seems like a lot of extra steps in the middle and.

24:47 Also if OP's wife actually had a problem and actually thought oh sister-in-law's trying to baby trap your brother the fact that she didn't come to OP and say hey what should we do about this Yeah, she's still, she's scheming. She's freaking scheming. Now she's your mom on her side. She's a schemer. Do you think, do you think that she's scheming or is this like, she actually saw this and was like, oh, well, I have to do something about it.

25:10 I think her judgment is clouded by her jealousy. By her, it's just pure hatred.

25:14 Pure hatred for this woman.

25:16 Yeah. I also understand how she may be like, yeah, it took me a while. It's not fair and all this stuff. There are ways to quote unquote cheat the system if that's going to be the easiest route for you. You know, everyone takes a different route. There is a more legal way of doing it. Sure. That doesn't mean like all like since you did it all through. the right legal way to do it, now you have to take down everyone who does it.

25:41 Yeah, now you're the police force.

25:43 It's like, I understand that, you know, it may be frustrating that she didn't have to go through all of that, but why does that give you the right to ruin her life?

25:50 Literally.

25:50 And scheming to cheat the system, something that really pissed my mom off.

25:54 Valid points, all of them.

25:55 However, I wasn't going to let it slide that she had obviously had ulterior motives, such as being jealous. Yeah, absolutely.

26:02 I asked her if she would have.

26:03 Done any of this if my brother and sister-in-law weren't spending so much time with me, if she wasn't cooking dinners for me, taking photos, or entering the same competition as her. She admitted that all these things definitely contributed, but only served to underline the disdain she already had. I told her that no matter how you cut it, she had effectively ended their marriage. My mom decided to jump in and say that my brother and sister-in-law were at fault because they did not get their situation in order.

26:33 My wife seconded that and said if she had taken the time to file papers instead of planning trips with me or being busy playing the housewife to someone else's husband.

26:42 She wouldn't be in that situation. How do you not hear it?

26:45 Yeah.

26:45 She's like, well, maybe if she backed off and didn't try to take my man, then maybe she wouldn't have been deported. No one liked each other in this. Yeah.

26:53 No one was trying to make a pass at anyone or whatever.

26:55 They just, she was being nice. Yeah. cooking dinners for this guy her brother-in-law and then that is what she like like the fact that she's op's wife is nitpicking at at the good things this woman was doing as the reason why she should have been deported.

27:10 To quote maybe she should have been taking care of herself and her own instead of trying to play housewife to someone else's husband well i can take care of my family just fine and if she had any doubts about that now she's in the clear oh my god I will admit the points about her being afraid that I was going to be implicated along with them when it comes.

27:29 To devil's lettuce. I understand.

27:32 That is a valid fear to have. They smoke almost every day. My brother almost always has something on him. My sister-in-law should have done her paperwork. She should have made sure her visa didn't expire. I will not argue that. She probably should not have said she was going to have a baby specifically to stay here.

27:48 That's the other point I was going to make.

27:50 I don't 100 agree with how the sister-in-law went about all of this i do think that you know she should have been proactive and done it the right way and whatnot but she also had an ulterior plan.

28:00 Of being like okay well if i if we have a baby which eventually we do want to have then i could stay here and we can start our family be happy whatever it's not like a horrible idea no it's not like she's like i'm gonna trap i'm gonna make sure i'm gonna put coals in the condoms and She didn't say that.

28:17 Yeah, she was, she wasn't like trying to make this like, uh.

28:21 She wasn't hiding anything. Yeah, it wasn't supposed to be malicious at all. We also don't even know if like brother-in-law, brother-in-law was probably aware of this plan. Yeah, he was. Or sorry, brother was probably aware. Yeah. Brother and brother-in-law, yeah. Yeah, they're probably like, everyone knew about it. Emma didn't like that. Yeah.

28:36 But I know that these are solid excuses that are being used in conjunction with something else. I know that if my sister-in-law was not Asian, if she couldn't cook, if she didn't take pictures of us together for her instagram my wife would just chalk her up as another annoying person who smokes too much for her taste but was ultimately harmless exactly and that is the difference.

28:56 Yeah that's why that's why she's the villain.

28:59 Here and i know if i had just gone to sweden with my brother that my wife wouldn't care but because i went with the woman who was playing housewife to me it was a serious offense in her head I waited until my mom left to tell her all of this.

29:13 She didn't deny it.

29:14 I also told her that this whole situation had let me see a side of her that honestly scared me. Yes. I told her I wanted to begin couples therapy together or there was no hope of this continuing.

29:24 Good for you, Opie.

29:24 Yeah, good.

29:25 She agreed and we both began to.

29:27 Research therapists in our area.

29:28 She apologized for not talking to me about calling before doing so, but she has not apologized about the deportation.

29:35 Because she wanted it to happen. Like, why would you apologize for something you so strongly... believe was right?

29:41 She also said, if I wanted to tell my brother and sister-in-law that it was her, I could go ahead and do that.

29:46 I'm not going to. One, they are distraught enough.

29:49 And two, it seems like her coming to claim victory one last time over my sister-in-law to her face.

29:54 She's going to tell her. Your wife is probably going to tell them. She wants them to know. Yeah. She's probably going to comment some vague thing on Facebook like, oh, sorry, you got deported. Wonder how that happened.

30:05 The evil of this woman. She's so evil. So that's what's going on. I'm hoping to post an update on our progress when we begin couples therapy. The issue for me right now is rebuilding the broken trust. Also, as far as things with the family go, well, my mom is on her side. And should my mom decide to tell other people in the family, she will definitely make my sister-in-law the bad guy in the story. Aside from my brother, I think most of the family would be on Emma's side. And there are some relevant comments. Commenter number one says, I am concerned that your wife has this secret in her back pocket that could end your relationship with your brother at any time.

30:40 Yeah. Yes. Hey, Keon here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

30:46 That's concerning. Not being able to trust your partner.

30:49 If you ever show her any sign that you want to rebuild your relationship with your brother and spend time with him and maybe even like, you know, spend time around him when he's like smoking or something. She will use that secret to destroy a relationship. Like, It's like she has so much ammunition.

31:07 Yeah. And she is going when she's mad. And that could be literally at anything.

31:12 Because this girl. Yeah.

31:13 This girl just is jealous and insecure about everything.

31:16 Yeah.

31:17 If you find like, I don't know, a group of people that you hang out with and, you know, there's an Asian girl in it or something like she's going to be like, oh, we'll see about that.

31:25 And now, you know, she wouldn't even consult you. And you also know that she's going to do it behind your back.

31:30 Like, OP, I understand that this is, you know, horrific situation and your mind is going a million miles a second. But you also need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of your.

31:40 Wife is untrustworthy. She is not going to get your permission to do things. She is not going to have a talk about it. She's not going to discuss options. She is going to, in the moment, just ruin someone's life.

31:53 Yeah. That's scary.

31:54 And I feel like kind of going, you kind of mentioned this earlier, but like, I feel like it's the worry is not even, oh, about the deportation. It's like at the core of this, your relationship is broken. Whether or not, whether or not sister-in-law deserved to be deported for, you know, mismanaging the, you know, documents and visa, blah, blah, blah.

32:13 Whether or not that is righteous or not. The trust in your relationship has been broken and I don't think it can be fixed.

32:20 It's like, I guess you could try couples therapy. But the thing is, she seems like she has a very evil side to her.

32:26 And that's so vindictive. It's scary.

32:28 And it's crazy that you are just now finding this out about her. And she's trying and she's sitting there so calm. Yeah.

32:36 That's weird. It is.

32:38 OP responds, I agree. I know I have to tell my brother in order to stop that from hanging over my head. I just feel that right now is the absolute worst time. What if he did snap and do something completely crazy like harm her? He would end up in prison and with no way of even trying to maintain a long distance relationship with her. The most relevant comment says, this is some gone girl level crap. And there's a third update.

33:03 Oh boy. Let's find out what happened next.

33:06 This is the last post I will write on this issue for several reasons.

33:10 Probably some sort of legal reason.

33:12 The first would be that many of the responses made me feel sick to my stomach. Advice is one thing, but there is no reason for anyone to say that they hope someone passes away. Oh yikes. They hope my wife gets a horrible disease, calling her every awful name in the book.

33:25 Yeah, that's just the internet. That is not advice and not welcome.

33:28 I was more willing to listen to people who commented saying perhaps she had BPD or some other type of psychological disorder, because that at least I could give them credit for. At the end of the day, she is my wife. Secondly, a lot was assumed about my brother, and that is probably my fault. I love my brother, but he is 34 years old and still smokes devil's lettuce every day and acts pretty much the same as he did at 18. He needs to grow up. Him being a father would not have been a smart choice.

33:56 He and my sister-in-law are kind people, yes. They are family. But my brother hasn't been here for me. He left home when he was 18 and barely wrote to me on Facebook for the next six years. My wife, on the other hand, has stuck by me for eight years. She has been there for me when I needed her. She has been my rock and she has had my back.

34:13 I'm not going to abandon her just because.

34:15 Yeah, with a knife in it. She's been holding your back with a knife primed. Ah! I unfortunately think that the commons pushed him closer to his wife. Good job, guys. Thanks, Reddit.

34:29 I am not going to abandon her just because my brother is a blood relation. I'm going to go to therapy with her and we will see what happens. She may have been cold and calculating, but she is not without cause.

34:40 And that's it. Short update and to the point. Good luck. Yeah.

34:44 You know, I hope there is an aha moment that you have in therapy for.

34:49 You and for her, but mostly for you. Yeah.

34:52 That is like, oh, she is crazy and will do things in the heat of the moment.

34:58 I mean, she's Freaky Nikki. This is obsession. She's like sabotages her competition so that she can be with you. It's real crazy. I just don't.

35:08 I don't trust her no and that trust is broken forever for me at least I don't know if I mean obviously you're trying to rebuild it but and I think.

35:17 Everyone in the comments my question for you is taking putting all of the deportation stuff aside whether or not you think it was right or wrong do you think this relationship should continue yeah just from what you did like putting all of that righteous stuff outside like away.

35:31 Just the action of her doing that behind his back caused all these issues for what?

35:36 Over jealousy. Over jealousy. Is that normal? Is that a normal response? Yeah. Would you trust someone after that? That's our question. Yeah. But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming up. Sure do. I called my husband's family idiots because of their unwanted comments.

35:52 Oh, well, that is a term I guess you could use.

35:55 My husband's family keeps giving us advice and I thought that advice was dumb. So I told him and now he's quiet.

36:01 What?

36:01 That was quick. I will try to keep this short and to the point. All of it has been very short and to the point. I, 31 female, told my husband, 32 male, that his family's dumb. So far OP has just repeated the same thing three times. But she's making it very clear. We've been married for seven years and have built a beautiful life together. He is an amazing partner and father to our two girls and I love him dearly. We met in college that was six hours away from our home cities so we never really met each other's families until the wedding. Everything seemed fine. They were all so nice and accepting and I got along with everyone. There were occasional yellow flags and my husband warned me of some family members. But for two years,

36:38 everything was great. Then I got pregnant with our first daughter. I will now list out the major flags I have clocked. We had been trying for a year. His sister responded with, ugh, this baby is going to be more important than me. While pregnant in 2020, height of the vid, I find out alone that my placenta wasn't giving her enough nutrients and oxygen. so we had to induce labor so she could grow. I was so sad and scared, so I just made a general Facebook post to inform family and friends.

37:03 His mom's response, why did all these people on Facebook find out about this before me? Didn't ask how I was or the baby, just mad she wasn't the first to know.

37:11 Okay, okay.

37:12 I'm like partially on her side there. Partially what? Just only partially. I think it's ridiculous that she didn't say, oh my God, how are you? Are you okay? Do you need anything? But also, yeah, why?

37:22 Why post about it and not actually.

37:24 Like talk about it with family?

37:25 Yeah.

37:26 To each their own, I guess. I don't know. I think if it was a text chain, I'd be a little bit like, oh yeah, okay, that makes sense. But a Facebook post feels a little bit.

37:33 Yeah.

37:34 Other than that, I'm not on her side. Daughter is perfect. She is beautiful, silly, full of attitude and happy and autistic.

37:42 Sorry, I just wasn't prepared for the last thing.

37:44 It was on the next page, so I also wasn't prepared. I didn't know where that was going. I was like, oh, this, that, the other thing. And that. Also autistic. Sure, yeah, okay. Why not? His mother comments on the size of her nose and how dark she gets in the summer. I'm black and my husband is white. Well, sounds like she gets dark in the summer because she is dark skinned.

38:04 Genetics.

38:04 Genetics. That's just how that works. Melanoma. No, melanin. Melanoma is getting canceled. Yep, kid. Editors, you know what to do. By the way, this comes from all forms of potatoes. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit. I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice goofily and not melanoma. Now you have to keep it in.

38:24 No, no, no, no.

38:25 Take it out. Now, the moment I commented on his family, that I finally lost it, was when his uncle told us that we just ate a feed of raw milk for six weeks to cure her. I'm not confrontational, so I told him that's not how autism works, and it's not some life-risky disease that needs curing. absolutely right that is an insane thing for him to say when we were home i was fuming over another fix our daughter and why isn't she like her sister a comment that i said his family were a bunch of idiots so valid yeah so valid with this context i am definitely on your side Because they're coming at you with, like, the moon landing's not real. Vaccines cause autism. Yeah.

39:06 Fix your kid. It sounds a lot like Flat Earthers.

39:09 Yeah.

39:09 And, like, how, what was it?

39:11 If you, like, inject Lysol into your veins, like, you'll be clean.

39:16 Isn't it bleach or something? Yeah, bleach.

39:18 If you drink bleach, you'll be cured of any disease you have.

39:23 Yeah, because you'll die. You'll be cured because you won't have life. The biggest disease of it all. He got really quiet and hasn't brought it up, but now when his mom calls, he really doesn't tell me about it and sometimes leaves the room. I know some of what I was feeling was justified, but should I have not told him how I felt about some of his family members?

39:42 There is an update, but what do you think? should OP have kept that thought inside or perhaps wrapped it a little differently truthfully I think you got your point across yeah if you tried to say it in a sort of you know like oh I don't really like your comments you know blah blah I don't think that would work yeah like truthfully, you kind of went about it in the right way of just being like, hey, you know, you're going to sit here and tell me that my daughter's wrong or tell me that she's there's something wrong with my daughter. And why is she like the other one? You know how hurtful that is to her?

40:13 You know how hurtful that is to us as a family? I wouldn't want them around my kid if they're going to make those comments. Exactly.

40:18 Like you don't say that. You don't make her feel any less than anyone else. Yeah, that is just not OK. And so, yeah, I think that calling them out, use an idiot. I think it was the right thing to do, truthfully.

40:29 I honestly could see exactly where she's coming from. I also totally understand his feelings of maybe defensiveness because no one ever, even if you see your family's flaws, no one ever wants another person to call them out, you know, because they're like, oh, I can say that, but you can't. That's kind of the feeling. However, again, these people are saying pretty stupid stuff.

40:51 Yeah.

40:51 I think OP just got sick of it. She sounds like a very blunt person. OP continues, thank you for all the comments and advice. I was not expecting such a reaction. Oh, also OP is a black woman. So I'm sure there might be some other, you know, things going on there. That's also true. These are all comments and microaggressions made over the past four years. And my husband isn't tuned into those. So most of them go over his head. Yeah, because they're microaggressions. And he's like, well, I don't have to worry about that. And he's also a white man. When I made the Facebook post, it was just to inform friends and family. She was coming earlier.

41:23 And we called his mom the next day because she's old and knew she doesn't go on Facebook. And my parents. So they heard it from us still. Okay. So what was she complaining about? My daughter was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ID when she was three. I knew she was a little nerd a virgin princess way before then.

41:39 So we jumped on all early interventions and therapy to make sure she had a great life and we know how to be good enough parents. Now for the update. I took some people's advice and just had a real conversation about why I felt the way I did about his family. And I apologized for my language because it is his family. But it turns out he was clocking my reactions and their words for a while now. He was actually more upset that I had been keeping my feelings to myself for so long and didn't talk to him about it. He already barely tolerates his sister and calls her out every time she wishes our daughter was normal and would just talk. Hard eye roll. But the reason he's been leaving the room to talk to his

42:17 mom is to screen her comments and so he can educate her on how to not suck. there. So now she goes, oh, well, why can't you just fix your daughter? He goes, mom, don't say that. Yeah.

42:27 And he should, that should have been day one.

42:29 He didn't say that, but that's my interpretation. He is the golden boy and he doesn't want to strain my relationship with her anymore. Very smart way to do that. Instead of being, you know, calling them out when OP's in the room, making it feel like OP's problem, because they would definitely turn it on OP and be like, well, you're making our son attack us. Instead, just calling them out on his own time. I think that's a good way to approach it yeah definitely should have done it sooner as you said i.

42:55 Think it came off maybe a little aggressive but they they've been doing it for a while so obviously there's been some feelings mixed in here so when he.

43:02 Thinks she is educated enough she will be allowed to have supervised visits he's like so i'm her tutor right now and once she passes the class then she'll come it's probably gonna take five years and truthfully that's how it should be Thanks again if you have read this far. I know it's not piping hot tea, but that's the update.

43:17 My husband was secretly trying to teach his mom that the internet does not equal a medical license and that I am in fact a proud black woman and she needs to think before she speaks. And that's the end of the story. I agree. I'm glad that your husband was taking initiative. Yeah, definitely could have told you that though.

43:32 I definitely could have been like, you know, I'm so sorry that you felt that way. I totally should have been doing something about this.

43:39 OP, since they did not communicate, it felt like OP was being, you know, victimized.

43:46 And ignored. And yes.

43:47 Yeah. And it's like, actually, we're a team and we could be working together instead of being separated, still trying to work towards the same goal.

43:54 You know? Yeah. It's like when in those action movies where all of the teams go off into their own separate plots and stuff. And you're like, oh, if they were just together, they would solve the big issue. And that's how I feel here. Yes.

44:06 Yes.

44:06 You know, like in Stranger Things, they all have their separate plots. And then when they finally get together, they actually solve everything. That's how I feel.

44:12 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And we're going to get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

44:20 I attended the weirdest funeral I have ever been to.

44:24 Were there unalived people there?

44:26 My family is weird. My dad's side especially. Apart from probable doses of autism spread throughout, we were fortunate enough to have descended from a short lineage of smart investors and developers. My dad retired from his job as a math teacher around 40, but is a passionate, though unsuccessful, hobbyist business entrepreneur. As I like to put it. That's a lot of words.

44:50 Hobbyist because he has a lot of interests.

44:53 His most successful idea was a fruit of my eight-year-old brain wanting to be an inventor 20-plus years ago, creating what I called at the time a light glove, where a battery pack in your wrist would power a light on your index finger for scuba divers wanting better nighttime flashlights. He shared this with a friend, and well, according to Amazon, the friend is doing very well.

45:17 The friend?

45:18 Yeah, but this isn't about him. So much as my grandmother, who, like skiers say after a run, two more and skip the last. After her first kid, but had to try again since the not-last run wasn't the greatest. She was a successful woman in her own right, investing in many businesses and people alike. She became somewhat a powerhouse in the micro-communities she participated in. Becoming recognized beyond my own father's achievements. By the way, this comes from CertainHorrors3755, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit where this was submitted.

45:57 What?

45:59 I am Savannah.

46:00 I am Riley.

46:01 And we're here to give some good advice in, you know, a little goofy way, but we don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do in this situation, but you should let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, she was without a doubt the matriarch and had the ability to speak her truth until... At a younger than most age, she started to lose her mind and memories.

46:22 Aw.

46:23 The upside of this being that for the first time in my teenage life, she started saying it had looked like I lost weight rather than gained, no matter how much I actually put on between seeing her. That's the bright side of this, is that she doesn't remember what you look like, so she just says, you look like you've lost weight. Oh, no.

46:43 I mean, that's a nice compliment.

46:45 Yeah, I mean, I guess she could be mean and be like, ew.

46:48 You're chubby.

46:50 That's gross. Yeah.

46:53 She was given mercy when I was around 21, leaving a family somewhat lost in their own confusions. Her funeral was quiet. The respect she had spent her whole life earning had run dry with her memory. What was anticipated to be a 300-plus person affair tossed in maybe 75 of her nearest and dearest. We all tossed on what we could for the funeral. I wore a black dress I ordered prior to her passing, fearing having only inappropriate attire.

47:23 My sister wore a dress that was seen only months earlier at a black tie. My brother threw on a pair of dark gray trousers, eight years too small. And my father found some leather-worn shoes to go with his mismatched suit. As they carried out her casket, I was approached by a rather pinched lady.

47:41 It started as one would anticipate.

47:44 Are you her granddaughter? I am so sorry for your loss. My son isn't here, but you are really pretty and I would love to introduce you at some point. Her husband pulled her away with a swift but stern hand, as you would say a child when they say something a little too honest. I laughed to myself and my sister as what was my grandmother but a networking woman, trying to help me find true love at her funeral. No, I did not follow up. It was a rainy day somewhat appropriate for the ambiance. My grandmother couldn't have planned better for herself. She always was a fan of theater.

48:20 My father, who found himself walking up a gravel path, lost the grip sticker that lay on the bottom of his leather heels. He laughed at how he could never be put together enough for her and put it in his pocket. As we exited the graveyard site headed for the cars, this part of the shoe became very apparent as he slipped. Little did I think of it, but his knee was in pain, so I offered to drive.

48:44 As we got in the sedan, siblings in back, I look over to him having what appeared to be a stroke.

48:49 To my right.

48:50 I ran out of the car, leaving my brother and sister to fight for his life while I flew through the five stages of grief in an extra round called panic, just to make sure everyone knew. I called 911 but had to hand it off to someone else as I was afraid to see if my dad was still living.

49:06 Oh my gosh. Not another one.

49:10 There's a little bit left.

49:11 Any final thoughts?

49:12 It's probably going to be a cheap funeral because you're already at one.

49:15 Double it in.

49:15 Can you.

49:16 Throw him in the hole too. In all seriousness, I hope... he's doing well. That is terrifying.

49:22 Yeah. What are the odds?

49:24 I hope everything is all right.

49:26 We'll never know.

49:27 But we will know because there is an update. He didn't pass away nor have anything beyond an arrhythmia. The paramedics assured me. But there I was, wailing at the thought of leaving my grandmother's funeral and having to plan another.

49:40 Ugh, I hate that for you, Opie. That's horrible.

49:44 The story became one not about health, grief, or family, but rather my insistence on one-upping my grandmother. To this day, I can't think about her passing without both of these stories popping up in my head and the absolute onslaught of emotions that happened at that funeral. That was, in my opinion... a reflection of a curse that came with the fortune. No updates on the story, but just a slew of curses from jewelry whose beholders pass away prematurely.

50:13 Endless divorces and an ever-existing presence of something unexplainable bringing the family back together to grieve. Maybe I'll post one of those stories.

50:22 One day, too. Oh, and that's the end.

50:25 That is a weird funeral.

50:27 There was so much happening, so much to process, and A very short amount of time.

50:34 Yeah.

50:34 You're trying to grieve while also look for a date while also help your dad not pass away.

50:42 Who isn't matching.

50:44 His clothes aren't matching. That would drive me insane. Dad, your trousers do not match your suit. Why are you having a stroke? I should be having one.

50:52 They're eight years too small.

50:54 That's so funny.

50:55 But that's the end of that story.

50:57 And we got another one coming right up.

50:59 My brother demanded I cater his 500-person wedding? It made me livid?

51:06 Yeah, just you? That's insane.

51:09 My piece-of-crap brother dropped a bomb on us on Christmas that he was finally marrying his longtime girlfriend. Since he lost all of his inheritance, mostly stocks we all received when we turned 18 on cryptocurrency, he's broke. So he is having everyone in the family cover certain expenses. Since I worked for years in fancy restaurants, including a shoe chef for James Beard award-winning chef, I get to cover the mill. After pressure from my parents, I caved in.

51:43 This morning he called me to tell me what he wanted. Attendees, 250 invites with all plus ones allowed. Cocktail hour with tray pass hors d'oeuvres. He's still working on what that will entail still. Main course plated, not buffet style. Beef dish filet mignon served with your shower pudding and roasted asparagus.

52:06 Poultry dish, red currant glazed duck breast with fondant potatoes, grilled Brussels sprouts, veggie dish, chickpea bolognese with cauliflower pasta and mushroom. Great. Dessert, a collection of Cox Patriots, other Patriots and many cheesecakes. To make matters worse, the kitchen rental at the venue is $ 1, 000, which includes the cleaning fee, but not any cookware or utensils. I'll have to pay for additional cooks, servers, bartenders, busing staff, and serving ware.

52:38 I am beyond livid. By the way, this comes from Crying the Walk-In, and you know where to submit your stories. I'm Riley.

52:44 I'm Savannah.

52:45 I'm going to read this story goofily. This is pissing me off. Savannah, what can they do?

52:49 You guys can also be pissed off in the comments.

52:53 You don't have to be, but you could be.

52:55 As Opie says, more frustrating is my parents have always babied him, and so when I called to let them know that I wasn't going to do it, not if he's going to be demanding all of this when getting it for free, I was told that I should call up my restaurant contacts and see if they would be willing to donate their time or the ingredients. We have an update.

53:18 That's crazy to ask all of that. This is going to be... the most expensive wedding just for the catering.

53:27 And we already know this man's history when it comes to materialistic things. He gambled his whole inheritance on cryptocurrency.

53:35 Which is also insane.

53:37 There's a strategy with that. I can't. Cryptocurrency is a way to aggressively invest. You should not put all of your investments in aggressive stocks.

53:50 Yeah, so.

53:52 This is ridiculous. I am having a hard time. I'm so glad my brother didn't ask me this for his wedding. He just said, show up.

54:00 Which is what families should do. They shouldn't be responsible for doing all this stuff. If they want to, out of the goodness of their heart, sure. But it shouldn't be everyone's problem to make your wedding good.

54:11 If my brother asked me to film his wedding because I'm a videographer, I would be a little peeved off. And that's kind of what this feels like. Hey, brother, you're a chef. Give me all the food. Update. My parents had a heart-to-heart with him. After discovering that he's been taking money from other relatives as well for a few years, they gave him an option of not taking any money for the wedding and they would pay for courses so he would learn how to be more responsible with his money or when they put an undisclosed amount of money in an account and hire a wedding planner who can use the money from that account but that would cut off all contact with him. This is a weird ultimatum.

54:54 Yeah, I was going to say.

54:55 The long ass one. They gave him an option of not taking any money for the wedding and they would pay for the courses, how to learn to manage money, or they would put an undisclosed amount of money in an account and hire a wedding planner. So it's, we either pay for you to learn how to manage money or we have a wedding planner do it for you and we go low contact with you. There was apparently a lot of crying on both sides, but ultimately he decided to take The cash. We were told to no longer help him out financially, and they recommended it, not contacting him either. Is there a word for feeling happy, sad, relieved, and disappointed all at the same time? That's called losing your brother and also losing all the weight of the

55:41 world off your shoulders.

55:43 That's called stress, baby girl.

55:45 Update. It's been a wild few weeks. I learned that the trust my brother received was revoked by my parents a long time ago. In its place, they gave him a small allowance so he could still afford to live, which they also stopped. The reason, as many of you pointed out, it turns out my brother was serious regular use problems. And when he said he was going to Malibu for seasons or headed out to the Courtney Love Dance Festival, he was actually checking into rehab. He called me last week to make amends because he's going back to rehab and it's a requirement that you put to rest any hard feelings before checking in. We did nothing but argue. To continue, first he insisted that the food costs wouldn't be in the tens of thousands because he

56:36 knows that it only costs a dollar or two per plate and that all that extra cost is nothing but a markup, something he wouldn't let go of. We have a second point from him. He's still on this wedding crap while going into rehab.

56:51 Yeah, I mean, that's what he's going to rehab for so he can be better for his wedding, I guess. I don't think that's enough time, but to each their own.

57:00 Second, he couldn't understand why I think there is 500 people coming when he clearly stated that they invited 250 people. with each a plus one since any reasonable person would know that that meant there were only 125 invitees who have the option of a plus one. Lastly, he absolutely despises my parents and everything they represent. The only reason he took the money was that he wanted to hurt them.

57:29 By the way, the only reason they offered to give him money at all for the wedding was because they are very Catholic and wanted him to at least have a proper Catholic service. It has been very eye-opening to know that there were a lot of hidden skeletons in the family that have been kept from us so that we appear normal. That's the end of that story. Holy cow, bro.

57:51 So this guy is going to rehab and he took his parents' money so that he could get revenge on his parents?

57:59 I don't think he's going to ever learn until he has zero money in his bank account and is living on the streets. Also, who was marrying this guy? Can we have a heart-to-heart with this girl?

58:08 Yeah, what does she... Does she not make any money either? It's just... Like.

58:14 People that still have an allowance from their parents and they are of working age is a wild concept to me. He was getting an allowance from his parents and he's about to get married. You should be financially independent on your own, ready to take the burden of another person coming into your life. I mean, not saying you have to fully support them, but you guys should have a plan that, oh, we're good.

58:35 On our own.

58:36 I never even had an allowance. And I still don't.

58:39 The allowance I got was working at the sawmill and getting a paycheck.

58:44 I worked for my dad a few times.

58:47 Like odd jobs?

58:49 No, I would do.

58:50 It was more like organization and kind of like accounting, really.

58:55 Trusted me with the numbers. All right. But that's the end of that story. And we got comments from the video. I refuse to attend my sister's wedding because of her dog. And this was posted August 1st, 2026. TLDR comes from story one. OP was excited to attend her sister's wedding until she found out her seat at the family table was given to her sister's dog. Instead, after feeling replaced, OP refused to attend, causing a family argument. If you're curious to know the full story, you can go watch the full video.

59:24 The first comment we have is from CrystalNobody4689 saying, Are they going to replace one of the groom's siblings with his labradoodle? I wouldn't go to the wedding either. Comment number two from Kiki underscore net. Nah, I wouldn't go. The fact that it even happened in the first place and the dismissive attitude from the parents shows that OP isn't valued by the family.

59:46 Comment number three.

59:47 By T League. Sisters is telling you exactly how she feels about you. She sees her dog as being a higher value than you.

59:55 Your dog, yeah.

59:55 And more like family than you. This is like in the movie Air Bud when the dog gets to be on the basketball team and the other kid has to be like, wow, I'm worse than a dog. Oh, the dog got his yearbook photo. Yeah, tough.

1:00:07 And the last comment we have here by quinoarrat2528 says, does sister's dog even sit in chairs that size? Wouldn't a wedding reception chair just fall over if a golden retriever tried to jump up to it? Couches are a lot more heavy and sturdy. Taking a chair from a human and giving it to a.

1:00:23 Dog who can't.

1:00:24 Who can't even really use it instead of just giving the dog a bed under the table, which the dog would probably prefer anyway, is wild.

1:00:32 I don't know. A lot of people said a golden retriever couldn't play basketball. Now look at him. But that's the end of those comments and the end of the episode. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you. And see you tomorrow.