My boyfriend bought THREE fridges for yogurt… so I finally pulled the plug! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3085

0:00 Hey, this is Dakota.

0:01 And this is Angie, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

0:11 My boyfriend bought three fridges for yogurt. So I finally pulled the plug.

0:17 No!

0:17 The yogurt's gonna go bad!

0:20 I'm 29 female. My boyfriend is 30 male. We've been living together for two years in a little studio in a.

0:25 Very expensive, big U.S.

0:28 City. My boyfriend grew up rurally with lots of space, enough to collect all kinds of things. He collected action figures and video games and all the normal kid stuff when he was young. But as he grew older, he became interested in more unusual things. As a teen, he had eight guinea pigs. Those aren't items that should be collectible items.

0:49 You don't just collect pets.

0:51 Yeah, was this like a communism experiment? Like I'm going to get eight guinea pigs and then one is going to have a job and it's going to work the fields. And then the other is going to have another job and it's going to work the bank. They buy everything with wood chips. I don't know, man.

1:09 As a teen, he had eight guinea pigs of different types from different breeders. Since Tide Pods were released seven years ago, he's saved one of every kind of Tide Pod.

1:19 What does he actually collect?

1:20 What?

1:21 What?

1:22 That might actually end up selling for a good amount of money to the right rich idiot.

1:28 You know what? I have a feeling the yogurt, guys, is like Danimals. Or like some like, yeah, like some special like childhood collector one. He's like the one who's going to win like the Suite Life on Deck thing. Remember that?

1:42 He's trying to get, he's trying to win the sweepstakes to hang out with Zach and Cody.

1:48 He's got a big box of international variety of electronic insulators, those little ceramic hats that power lines wrap around on power poles.

1:59 Dude, this is like the craziest collector. This is crazy. What?

2:02 He's not a hoarder.

2:04 He's usually neat, just used to having lots of space for his bizarro collections. At his parents' ranch, he has two big rooms full of containers of weird and impressive things.

2:16 Two?

2:17 By the way, this comes from DuckFairy, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

2:23 I'm Savannah.

2:23 I'm Dakota.

2:24 I'm Keon.

2:25 And we are here to give some good advice, Goofly, but we don't have all the answers that you may seek. We're only going to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments.

2:33 Maybe we'll respond.

2:34 I don't know.

2:34 I don't know.

2:37 As OP says, he recently became interested in yogurt. He always hated dairy products until about a year ago. He not just started drinking milk, and sharing ice cream with me, but he's found a love for yogurts. So he now collects them, of course. The problem is that they're perishable. Yeah, that was my first thing. So until earlier today, our little 550 square foot studio contained about 2,100 cups of yogurt.

3:00 What?

3:01 Excuse me?

3:07 How did he, like, like he just went and got that? He just can afford all of that? 2,100 cups of yogurt? How much would that cost? Depends on what kind you get, but like, even, you know, the 99 cent ones, that's still $ 2, 100.

3:21 How do you do that?

3:24 What are we talking about?

3:25 It comes in tons of varieties, different types, flavors, textures, containers made by different companies in different countries.

3:32 This is like magic to my boyfriend.

3:34 So he tried to pretty much save a sample of everything he could find.

3:38 What fixation is this? This is the weirdest fixation.

3:40 I know what fixation this is. We all know what fixation this is. But I'm not a doctor.

3:46 He filled our fridge, bought a new fridge, and then another tiny bedside fridge. He said he didn't want to walk to the fridge at night, but it was obviously a ruse to get more yogurt space.

3:57 Yeah, I don't want to walk to the fridge for my yogis. My little yogurts.

4:05 My yogurt hurts.

4:06 You just wake up in the middle of the night and you look over, you just roll over like, and he's just like 30 yogurt cups and he's just covered in grease. Yogurt grease.

4:18 These fridges all filled up with his yogurts. And if you keep them for long, they smell bad. Yeah, because it's dairy and gross. Sometimes the packaging breaks, so our apartment was smelling like rotten milk for the last two weeks, and my boyfriend's attitude was, oh, it's fine, and just deal with it for a little longer. Until I pulled the plug and threw it all out this morning.

4:40 Oh, he's gonna love that.

4:42 Oh, girl, I don't know.

4:44 No, no, you know what? She, no, she's right.

4:46 Why didn't we do a yogurt drive?

4:48 This is disgusting.

4:49 Why didn't we go pass out yogurt to all the folks in need in our big American city?

4:54 This is foul.

4:56 I do.

4:56 No, no. This is too much. You can collect whatever you want as long as it's not perishable.

5:02 I was looking at my groceries, which I had to put beside the fridge because there was no space and everything smelled like garbage.

5:11 Everything smelled like rotting dairy.

5:15 And then I kind of snapped and threw it all away. My boyfriend is understandably upset. We've been arguing about whether I crossed the line by throwing away his stuff.

5:23 No!

5:24 It's expired food that is smelling up your house.

5:27 It's rotten dairy. Yeah. Your boyfriend has mental problems. If he can't see that this is a problem, how much money did he spend on yogurt? And we know it's all different kinds. So it's not just like, oh, he bought this one and it was $ 60. It's like he's buying the cheap yogurts. He's buying the yogurts that cost $ 8 a bottle. He's buying every brand of yogurt from here to Timbuktu.

5:53 And he's especially upset because he, of course, had rare yogurts that were hard to find.

5:59 What is a rare yogurt?

6:00 The ones they don't make anymore, obviously.

6:02 Again, it's the Danimals one.

6:05 No, in particular, he had some Cuban and Iranian yogurts that you can't get in the U.S. But I know that we have trade sanctions against Iran and Cuba, so I don't know if it was even legal.

6:17 For him to have them.

6:19 I asked where he got his Iranian yogurt, but he kept insisting the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here. And that the real issue was me throwing out his precious yogurts without his permission.

6:30 The issue is it smells like mold in our... This is disgusting!

6:36 The issue is you have over $ 1, 000 worth of expired rotting dairy in three different fridges. Who's going to want to buy your expired Iranian yogurt? Can you look that up for.

6:50 Me, please?

6:51 Can you look up what illegal expired Iranian yogurt goes for nowadays online?

6:59 Please.

7:00 Am I the a-hole here? Thanks in advance. I'm so exasperated.

7:05 Like... You are in a way in that this is his stuff that you threw away without his permission. However, your boyfriend is insane. He's got a problem in his brain. And like, clearly you're not going to change that. No one's going to change that. So you should just probably leave him.

7:27 It's also strange that he is saying, oh, uh, Just live with it for a little bit longer.

7:33 What do you mean? It's not like you're going to throw it away.

7:36 Brother in Christ, you bought three, or let's just go, two other fridges for yogurt.

7:43 Just for your yogurt.

7:44 That you're not eating.

7:46 And it's like, hey, buddy, at least put it in the freezer.

7:49 Right?

7:50 Unless you're planning on eating it all. Put it in the freezer.

7:54 Stop, stop, stop. You know what? I'm stuck on this. I want to find this man. I need to find this man. I need to talk to him.

8:00 Send him some yogurt.

8:02 That's how you find the guy selling Iranian yogurt online that's expired, and you have found this man. And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

8:13 My boyfriend knew we were excluded from a trip and let me book the flights anyway.

8:19 You paid?

8:21 My boyfriend, 30 male, and I, 28 female, have been together for five years. One thing we've been fighting about more and more is planning and communication. He hates planning. He doesn't like making plans, contributing to plans, or really even finding out details about plans. If we go on a trip together, I do all the research and booking while he just shows up. I feel like that's.

8:45 A lot of people.

8:47 That feels like an unfair arrangement.

8:51 The bigger issue is when he invites me to things with his friends or family. He'll invite me, but then I can never get basic information about what's going on. If I ask about timelines, dress codes, who's going, where we're staying, etc. He either doesn't know or says he'll find out and never does. Or context, I wasn't always vocal about this stuff.

9:11 Earlier in our relationship, I.

9:12 Was very much a go with the flow person. Looking back, I think I let a lot of things slide because I didn't want conflict. As I've gotten older and started actually expressing my needs, we've started fighting more. By the way, this comes from Crystal0001. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

9:31 I'm Savannah.

9:32 I'm Dakota.

9:33 I'm Keon.

9:34 And we are here to give some good advice, goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments.

9:41 Yeah.

9:42 As Opie says, the current fight is about a trip next week. His friend is playing in a tournament and a group of people are going. Originally, I told my boyfriend I thought I should sit this one out because the guys were driving cross-country with equipment and I'd have to fly. It sounded like kind of a boy's trip and based on past experiences.

10:01 I figured the.

10:01 Planning would be chaotic. He really wanted me to come though. His friend's girlfriend said she'd come too, so we booked flights based on the dates they gave us. We were told they'd pick us up from the airport and we'd all hang out the first day. Since then, getting information has been like pulling teeth. A few days ago, the girlfriend found out that there are events during the first two days that everyone else on the trip is invited to except us. Apparently, we're not supposed to go because we'd be bored.

10:31 Yeah, now don't worry. You wouldn't have any fun on the trip. Yeah, don't. It's not like the world is an infinite menagerie of possibilities and experiences that you can choose to have. You'd just be bored there.

10:46 The thing is, these don't sound boring at all. They're social events and parties related to the tournament. What really upset me is that my boyfriend already knew this and never told me.

10:56 Of course he didn't tell you. You know why he didn't tell you.

10:59 Yeah.

11:00 And also, it doesn't seem like he really tells you anything because he can't speak for himself.

11:04 What kind of tournament is this? I want to know.

11:06 Something with the sports.

11:08 So not only did I find out from someone else, but apparently the plans had changed and nobody bothered to mention it. The guys are going to be gone for a lot of the time after we arrive, which is completely different from what we were originally told when we booked flights. When I asked him why he didn't tell me or why nobody mentioned why literally everyone else was invited except us, it turned into a fight. His position is basically that it isn't his event, it isn't his decision, and he's just repeating what his friend told him. Yeah, I don't like this man. He just seems like he's a horrible freaking communicator. Like, I mean, you got to tell me something, especially if you want me to come

11:44 on this trip. Tell me what I need to pack, where we're going, what we're doing. Like, it's not that I need to know every single thing. Like, you don't need to give me, like, you know... like hourly updates of like, Oh, we're going to do this. Then after that, do this. But it's just like, like this day, we're going to go out. So you should wear something, you know, kind of fancy this day. We're going to just chill.

12:04 So just, you know, maybe spend the day by the beach. Like, so we're a swimsuit and whatever. Like, it's like, you have to plan those or else I'm just going to pack everything or I'm going to pack not enough. And then be like, Oh, I didn't know we were doing that. I would have brought like hiking things. You know, it just, it seems like common courtesy really. And he's just thinking that it's not a big deal. And, And he, like, she could just read his mind or something.

12:26 It's like, ugh.

12:27 He doesn't want you there. He's saying this, but what he's really saying is he doesn't want you there.

12:33 My position is that if you're inviting your partner on a trip, shouldn't you care enough to communicate what's actually going on? And shouldn't you at least think, hey, this is kind of weird that everyone is invited except our girlfriends. This isn't the first time either. Last month, we had a fight because we were attending a wedding, and he wouldn't even send me the invitation when I asked for it so I could check the dress code and details myself.

12:56 Who is this guy? This guy's weird.

12:59 Yeah, why is he just not sharing any— does he, like, not want to be seen with you?

13:03 I don't think this guy likes you, Opie. I don't think your boyfriend likes you.

13:06 I've honestly started declining invitations to things because I know I'm going to spend weeks trying to get information and then end up frustrated. Am I expecting too much from him here? Or is it reasonable to expect a long-term partner to keep me informed when they're inviting me to things?

13:21 That depends. Does he have a traumatic brain injury?

13:25 And it also depends if you're invited or not. I don't know if he's just trying to save your feelings, but what he's doing is worse because he's just not communicating anything. And then you go and buy the freaking flights. And he's like, by the way, we're not even going to be there the first two days. What?

13:43 Why are you not telling me? Why would I buy these then? Like, I wouldn't have done that.

13:46 Also, why am I doing this for you?

13:48 Yeah, you're literally begging me to come. You're like, I want you to come, I want you to come. Oh my god, no, you should come with us. It'll be so fun. The other girlfriend's coming too, so like, you know, it'll be so fun for you guys to hang out and blah blah blah. And then they coordinate it, like, okay.

13:59 And then they're like, by the way, um, you're not invited.

14:03 Got the ti- yeah. Honey, I got the tickets for us that, like, you wanted. Cool, cool, cool. Don't come anymore.

14:09 Yeah!

14:10 Good job. You did it. I'm so happy. Thank you. I appreciate it. I like you. Don't love you. I like you. You're not invited.

14:19 It's crazy.

14:20 I hope Opie realizes that this is crazy. Why are we playing a fun game of guess who or guess what or guess the details when you can just give it to me because you care?

14:31 My advice is he's incompetent and you deserve someone with talent.

14:36 Who knows what they want and.

14:37 Has clear communication within the household because this guy is the farthest thing from communicating.

14:43 I don't even think he communicates with himself.

14:45 Fun idea on how to break up with your boyfriend.

14:48 That's crazy.

14:50 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

14:54 My boyfriend turned bitter over my sister's love life for a reason I never expected.

14:59 Uh-oh.

15:01 Let me guess, it's because your boyfriend used to bang your sister. Okay, here we go. Am I right? I've been dating my boyfriend, 31, for four years now, and before the last few weeks, I, 28, female, felt like he was the best partner I could ever have. I won't go through a whole list of his qualities or what we've been through together, so I'll just sum it up by saying we click in a way I've never had with any of my exes. which makes it all the more shocking with how weirdly possessive and bitter he's been over my sister's relationship. My sister, let's call her Nat, is 25 years old, dating one of my old college friends, Peter, who is 29 years old. I used to host a ton of get-togethers and parties in my college days, since

15:42 my parents have a big house and my cousin would help me set things up. Through those get-togethers, I made a tight group of friends, which includes Peter. And that's how he met Nat, but back then it was just polite greetings and small chats between them. Once I graduated, my group drifted off, and you lose contact with people, so...

16:03 I was a bit surprised when Nat, out of the blue, asked me about him and asked if it'd be a good idea if she DM'd and tried her luck with Peter, confessing she has always had a crush on him. At this point, Nat was close to being 24 years old, already working a lucrative job, and... quite honestly crushing it.

16:23 So obviously, I just wish her good luck and stay out of it. By the way, this comes from Fiaming24, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.

16:36 I'm once again Savannah.

16:37 I'm Keon.

16:38 We're going to read this story. We're going to say things. You might agree, you might not. That's okay. Let us know what you think down in the comments. What are you going to do about it? N.O.P. says. When my boyfriend found out, he made a quip about Nat being way out of Peter's league, but I figured he was maybe just being a bit protective since he's become close with my family. It's been five months now, and he seems so bothered by Nat and Peter's relationship, making comments about the difference in their looks, how Peter should be ashamed that Nat out-earns him, how there must be something seriously wrong with my sister's head for being head over heels for such a loser. What are we talking about?

17:20 Loser!

17:23 Like, does your boyfriend just hate Peter?

17:26 Huh.

17:28 I mean, I hope he didn't bang your sister. That'd be weird, but does he hate your friend Peter?

17:34 Peter.

17:36 At first, I thought something else was bothering him, and he was just taking out those negative feelings, commenting on other people's relationships. But he's made it clear his problem is with Peter. So I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and guessed that he and Peter were just like oil and water and my boyfriend instinctively hated him and didn't understand why. But in his last outburst, he said it wasn't fair somebody like Peter got a great girlfriend without having to do any work. I have asked him several times now if he knows something I don't or if there's more to this than what he says.

18:12 But he keeps insisting it's just that he can't stand Nat dating somebody he considers bad. below her league, and how it's not right. Then when I tell him he's taking it weirdly personal, he accuses me of having rose-colored glasses for my friend and how I'm not saying how this isn't good for my sister. I am not kidding when I say there are no red flags. Besides his weird obsession with my sister's dating life and before Peter, he didn't even seem to care. So I don't know what's gotten into him. What can I do and where do we go from here? And OP has elaborated in the comments, my boyfriend is worried Nat's impulses will get the better of her and she won't see that she can do better and she'll tie herself down. Nat even

18:58 told us she cringes when she remembers how she made a marriage joke in one of her first dates with Peter. I thought nothing of it. Awkward jokes because you're nervous are normal. But in my boyfriend's mind, that was a red alert and a reason for telling me I should try to talk my sister. into pumping the brakes and there is an update whoa i mean what could we possibly be so invested in.

19:25 Here yeah so the boyfriend of op wants to be with.

19:37 Yeah i don't know He wants to or maybe he did and no one said anything and now he's short circuiting about it or.

19:44 Or he's just like weirdly protective over her for what reason.

19:47 Or yeah, he thinks that you're like the stepping off. point to getting to your sister.

19:52 Very weird.

19:53 It is. Yeah, that is weird.

19:55 If someone like if my boyfriend kept talking about. My sister's boyfriend would be like, yeah, he's so stupid, and yeah, I don't like him, and blah, blah, blah. He does this and that and the other thing. Why?

20:05 Just because.

20:05 Yeah, it's at the point where it's like, even if there aren't any other red flags, it's like, your boyfriend might as well be taking a bucket of red paint and just splashing you with it. Like a PETA activist.

20:20 Like a PETA activist.

20:21 He is. He's a PETA activist.

20:24 That's a weird thing. Yeah, she's just out of his league. What? You're dating me. You're dating me. What does that mean? I mean, maybe it could be like, Dieter's a bad guy.

20:36 I mean, Alvin has a good point. Do you think they used to date? I feel like they couldn't have because they would have, she would have mentioned that, I feel. You know, unless they just decided to keep it secret and he's like, I'll date your sister so we can still be in contact.

20:51 Oh God.

20:52 Oh God.

20:52 That would, I would hate my life. Hate that.

20:55 Yeah, so he makes mean comments about the sister's boyfriend. He just hates it, but he doesn't give a reason why.

21:01 It could be just, like, potentially he's just trying to be, like, a good future, like, I'm a future brother-in-law. Like, I'm watching out for you. But it would be better, it would be having a reason.

21:16 All right, now read that frickin' story. Update. Update.

21:22 The snarky and weird comments continued. So wanting to get to the bottom of things, I asked him if he was jealous of Peter. He doubled down, saying he was just worried about Nat getting attached so fast with a guy who doesn't offer her much. I told him he makes her happy and that's all he has to offer.

21:40 My boyfriend got grumpy and outright said, that's BS. He tried to divert the topic with a we'll see how long it lasts comment and then mentioning something else. But this time I dug my heels in.

21:53 Why is he so focused on that relationship?

21:56 Yeah, there's something.

21:58 I would just keep asking why.

21:59 Yeah, I'd be like, seriously, be a man, grow up, let's have a conversation.

22:05 I told him I needed to know what had him feeling so weird over Nat and Peter and if he was hiding something from me that I needed to know. I asked if it was something about college or something about anybody both he and Peter know or if this was about Nat and he responded with a bizarre rant. saying how he's telling me what the problem is and he doesn't get how I'm not getting it. He says, I busted my ump to chip in with my family's bills while Nat was squarely focused in school and college and how Nat herself has worked hard to get such a good job so quickly after college. And all three of us know the last few years have had a lot of ups and downs, mostly regarding my family. And how when Nat is finally getting a feeling of independence

22:50 and confidence, Peter swoops in.

22:53 What is going on?

22:54 He's gassed up.

22:55 Okay, there's something wrong with Opie's boyfriend. I don't know what obsession he has with this girl, but... That's freaky. And how he's, he can't even like explain it. He's trying every other way to just say what he really knows.

23:09 Yeah, he's dancing around it. He's beating around the bush kind of thing. And he's like, okay, just get to the point.

23:15 Yeah, no, I agree with Alvin. He seems to know something about Peter that they don't. I completely agree with that. But he's just not saying it. Maybe because he doesn't want to be the bad guy.

23:24 He's already being the bad guy by being on this subject for way too long.

23:27 Yeah, true.

23:28 And not giving me a direct answer by dancing around it. I'd be pissed off.

23:32 I should just go, hey, you want to give her the life? Who's going to give her the life?

23:35 Why are you so hyper fixated on my sister?

23:38 With her high salary and feeling comfortable in her own skin, which is nothing crazy. She just had it glow up last year. She immediately hitches herself to the first guy she asks out and is talking about marriage and babies. He then made a weird comment about how Nat could land a big shot if she actually tried. Who's the big shot?

23:56 Peter? Peter's the big shot?

23:58 I mean, what?

23:59 I think he's jealous of Peter because he wants Nat.

24:02 I think so.

24:03 He says Peter's a nice guy, but it doesn't feel right for him to just swing by into her and by extension our lives when things are now going great after merely being casual and then distant friends for years.

24:17 Dude, what is going on?

24:19 It sounds like he's mad that he's not dating your sister because she's making a lot of money and a good job.

24:26 Is he like, I'm the protector of the family?

24:29 It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts, but I responded by pointing out Nat was dating other guys shortly before Peter, so it's not like she's some naive young girl who is settling. I told him again, he makes her happy, and that's what should matter. He responded by saying he's not going to try and meddle with Nat's life or anything. He's just telling me his opinion, and he's entitled to not like him. So I guess he resents Peter not having to go through what he went through with me and my family the last few years.

24:58 And I'm not sure how to take that. That's the end of that story.

25:02 That makes no sense at all.

25:04 He didn't have to put the work in, he said. He's putting the work in right now. He's dating her.

25:11 But he's saying like Nat did all this work and she just falls for the first guy or something.

25:17 Which is also not true because she clearly dated. She's like, oh, she fell for the first guy after she got this really good job and is building her life. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. When people get really good and I mean, financial security is the ultimate benchmark for being able to consider like, OK, do I want to start a family? What do I want in my life? And maybe I should get married.

25:39 Maybe I should settle down until you have that. That is like a much more like stressful idea to roll through in your brain.

25:49 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

26:01 My girlfriend reconnected with her ex, then called me controlling. Well, you're about to have two exes. I, 24 female, have been dating my girlfriend, Sarah, 26 female, for about two years. Things have been really good between us. We live together, we've talked about the future, and I genuinely thought we were solid. About a month ago, Sarah told me she'd reconnected with her ex, Layla, also a woman, on Instagram.

26:28 She said they were just friends now, and there was.

26:31 Nothing to worry about.

26:32 I told her I was a little uncomfortable, but trusted her and didn't make a big deal out of it. Here's where it gets complicated. Over the past few weeks, Sarah and Layla have been texting every single day.

26:42 Nope.

26:43 And that's when I'm like, yeah, no, this isn't working for me.

26:45 I go, about what?

26:47 Exactly. What else do they have to talk about? Yeah, that makes me a little uncomfy.

26:52 Sometimes until midnight. They also met up twice for coffee without Sarah mentioning it beforehand. I found out both times after the fact. When I asked Sarah about it, she got defensive and said I was checking up on her. Last week, I calmly told Sarah that I'm feeling hurt and that I needed a little emotional space to process everything.

27:10 I wasn't asking her to stop talking to Layla. I just said I needed her to be more open with me about when they're meeting and that I needed some time to sort out my feelings. Sarah completely flipped. She said I was being controlling and that asking for transparency is basically telling her who she can and can't be friends with.

27:27 That's actually not what that is at all. Those are completely different things.

27:32 Like when you said that I had to tell you who I was seeing, that sounded like I can't see them anymore.

27:38 Actually not what I said.

27:40 By the way, this comes from Rosie Vibes. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

27:46 I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

27:47 I'm Keon.

27:48 And we are here to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all your answers. We don't tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, she brought up that I have a male coworker I'm friendly with and said, you'd be furious if I asked you to report your hangouts to me.

28:05 But would you?

28:05 Two different things though.

28:06 Yeah, one, those are different. But also like if your girlfriend said, hey, do you mind like letting me know when you're hanging out with someone?

28:13 I don't know.

28:14 I don't think that's that crazy.

28:15 Usually a significant other I would think, and this has happened to me in the past, it would just happen.

28:22 Like you would just be like, Hey, what are you doing today? Yeah, this weekend I'm going to hang out with my friends. Yeah, have any plans?

28:28 Or like, oh, like what are you doing later? Oh, I'm hanging out with, you know, blah, blah, blah. So I feel like she's, Sarah is being sneaky about it. Also just like whatever, like anything X related is involved. I'm like, well, and also the defensiveness.

28:43 Yeah, I don't trust.

28:45 But I never asked her to report anything. I just wanted her to mention it in passing the way couples normally do.

28:51 There you go.

28:52 Now she's barely speaking to me and told her friends I'm jealous and insecure.

28:57 Well, okay, so immediately the second that I find out that she's telling her friends, insulting me to her friends, I'm like, hey, I don't think our relationship is actually working out.

29:07 Some of them have messaged me saying I need to trust her.

29:10 Break up. I'm immediately the second. Oh, sorry.

29:13 The second that she tells her friends and then the second second when she tells, when her friends come.

29:18 To me and say, hey, you should do this. I'd be like, excuse me. Are you telling me what to do in my own relationship?

29:24 I do trust her. I just felt blindsided by the secrecy. So am I the a-hole for asking for space and more openness after she started secretly meeting up with her ex?

29:35 No, siree not at all i'm done with this lady.

29:39 Here's an update a lot of you told me to trust my gut i wish i had listened sooner oh three days after my original post sarah came home acting completely normal made dinner asked about my day even held my hand watching tv I let myself feel hopeful for the first time in weeks. That night, she left her phone on the kitchen counter while she showered.

30:00 It lit up.

30:01 I wasn't snooping. I genuinely just glanced over. The preview was enough. It was from Layla. I didn't read the full message. I didn't need to. The first line told me everything I had been trying not to believe for.

30:14 The past month.

30:15 I won't repeat what it said, but it confirmed what most of you already knew. When Sarah came out of the shower, I was sitting at the kitchen table. She saw my face and she knew. For a moment, neither of us said anything. Then she sat down across from me and for the first time since this whole thing started, she didn't deflect and she didn't call me controlling.

30:33 She just looked at the table.

30:35 That silence told me more than any explanation could have. I asked her one question.

30:40 Just one. She answered it. Stop leaving us in the dark. If you're gonna come to Reddit, tell us the freaking facts. From my understanding.

30:48 Layla probably sent her either, like, spicy photo or, like, said, can't wait to see you tomorrow or something.

30:54 Last night was fun.

30:55 Something about, yeah, like, a little spicy text.

31:00 And OP saw it and went, and then she probably was like, are you cheating on me with Layla? She cried. She apologized.

31:09 She said it meant nothing and that she had made a mistake. She said she loved me and didn't want to lose me. Two weeks ago, I would have held on to every one of those words, but that night, I just felt quiet like something inside me had already said goodbye without telling me. I stayed at a friend's place that night. I haven't gone back since. Two years, a shared apartment, a life I thought was mine, and it turned out to be something I didn't fully know.

31:34 It doesn't just disappear overnight, but I'm also not destroyed, and I think that's because of you. Hundreds of strangers told me my instincts were right before I was willing to admit.

31:44 It to myself.

31:45 So no, I am not the a-hole, and neither are you for trusting yourself when something feels wrong. I'll be okay, eventually. And there's a second update. Oh, now, where is it gonna go from here?

31:59 Update two.

32:00 The aftermath, apartment drama, the friend group falling apart, and uncomfortable messages. People keep asking for updates, so here's what the last three weeks have looked like. Spoiler, it's messier than I expected, and the practical stuff hits differently than the emotional stuff. The apartment situation was the first nightmare.

32:16 Uh, Sarah and.

32:18 I are both on the lease and it doesn't end until next September and neither of us can afford it alone. I offered to be the one to leave, but she wanted me to stay and she'd find someplace else. Then she changed her mind. Then she started ignoring my calls about it. I ended up paying for a mediator. A whole session just so we could figure out logistics like adults.

32:39 During that meeting, Sarah wouldn't make eye contact with me and the mediator noted it. The apartment thing gets resolved next month. I'm taking over the lease and she's paying her portion through August.

32:50 But here's where it got ugly. The friend group.

32:54 I lost friends over this. Specifically the ones who had messaged me calling me jealous and insecure.

33:01 I'm not surprised.

33:04 I'm texting back and say, hey, you guys know she cheated on me, right? Not your friends. Yeah, no, they've never been your friends.

33:11 When the truth came out, they had some choices to make. I didn't ask them to pick sides, but apparently the group chat had other plans. One friend, let's call her Maya, reached out a week after and basically said, I'm so sorry for not believing you. She admitted Sarah had been venting to them for months about how controlling I was.

33:30 They had no idea the issue was that Sarah was literally cheating.

33:34 The others?

33:35 Radio silence.

33:37 Or worse, they're still hanging with Sarah like nothing happened. One of them posted a group photo to Instagram last week. Sarah is in it.

33:44 I unfollowed all of them. The weirdest part?

33:47 I got a text from Layla. Not an apology. Not a confrontation. Just a simple message asking if I was okay and if we could talk.

33:56 Girl, what? Why would I want to talk to you? You're the last one I want to see. Yeah, I don't want to hear from you anymore. I think we're over. I think I made that clear.

34:05 I guarantee you she'd be like, it wasn't Sarah's fault. It was my fault.

34:10 I don't care whose fault it is. Like it still happened. And no one.

34:15 And if I didn't find that text, it would have probably still been happening.

34:19 I think it's one of the worst feelings to have when like the cheater doesn't really like still has their friends or like people are on their side. You just like I did nothing wrong and people are still.

34:29 Like siding with that person.

34:32 What I hate is like when you're like dating someone for a really long time and then like you know, any amount of like two, three months there with someone else. And I'm like, are you acting like, are you kidding me?

34:42 How, how'd you do that?

34:43 Because I'm sitting here absolutely freaking miserable and will be for another year and a half.

34:48 I don't know.

34:48 I think, I think some like, I don't, my ex specifically cannot be like, there are people that can't be alone.

34:54 Some people are like that. Some people are literally, they cannot, they can't be alone.

34:59 I didn't respond. And my therapist said, that's the right call. Sarah has tried to contact me three times. Once through a friend, I told the friend to tell her to stop. Once directly, I didn't answer. Once through her mom, I was civil but firm. She wants to explain or apologize properly, but honestly, I don't have the emotional energy for that conversation, and I don't think I owe her one.

35:21 You don't.

35:22 Therapy is helping. My therapist keeps saying I'm grieving two things at once. A relationship and the person I thought Sarah was. That hit hard because it's true. I'm mourning someone who never actually existed. I'm also weirdly angry now. Not at Sarah specifically anymore. That's evolving into something more like pity. But at myself for ignoring red flags that were.

35:46 So, so obvious. Good news? I found an apartment!

35:51 It's small and the neighborhood isn't amazing, but it's mine and I'm moving in next month. No shared lease. no ghost of a relationship haunting the kitchen counter. I'm not healed or whatever people think happens three weeks after a breakup. Some days are still harder than others, but I'm not destroyed either.

36:10 I'm just moving forward.

36:12 So to the people who said trust your gut, thank you. To the people who said I was overreacting, I hope this taught you something. And to anyone reading this in a similar situation right now, your instincts are there for a reason.

36:24 Listen to them. And there's a third update six months later.

36:29 Any hot takes within this update? Do we think anything with Sarah, with Layla?

36:37 I don't know.

36:37 I would hope that. I would think that Opie's kind of done.

36:42 Yeah, I hope it's over. I hope we're moved out. We're not talking to those two gals anymore. No moms are trying to call us. Yeah, I think Opie's doing great and she probably has another girlfriend. Yeah, I think For anyone out there whose ex-partner has moved on quickly and you're like, well, I'm.

37:01 Not in a relationship. How'd they find someone so quick?

37:04 Honestly, just know that you're probably, you know, taking the time that you need to get in a better place and they probably haven't.

37:14 Update three, six months later, I'm finally okay and that's the best part of my life.

37:19 Some days I felt like I owed everyone closure.

37:22 Other days, I felt like airing more of my life was just reopening things that were finally healing. But here we are, six months, and I'm genuinely okay. The apartment is fully unpacked now, I hung up actual art, I bought plants, and I keep them alive, which is apparently a personal victory. I got a cat! Her name is Asha, and she's the most unfailingly loyal being I've ever met, which is saying something given recent history. Therapy has been instrumental.

37:51 My therapist helped me understand that I didn't fail at the relationship. I failed at recognizing that I can't fix someone who doesn't want to be honest. We worked through the self-blame stuff, why I apologized for everything, why I shrank myself. Turns out my parents' marriage was pretty controlling and I internalized that I had to be the easy one to keep the peace.

38:11 I love that if he's like, turns out, never realized this.

38:15 Sarah spotted that tendency and weaponized it. I reconnected with some old friends. The ones who stuck by me saw me through the worst of it. The ones who didn't, we're just not in contact anymore. No drama, no confrontation, just a quiet goodbye.

38:30 And you know what? I'm okay with that too. I also made new friends.

38:34 Met someone at a coffee shop who invited me to a book club. Met another at the gym. I'm slowly building a life that isn't connected to Sarah or that friend group.

38:45 Or any of that.

38:47 Here's the wildest part, though. I ran into Sarah at a grocery store. We both froze. She looked like she wanted to approach me. I grabbed my groceries and left and I felt nothing. Not anger, not sadness, just a neutral acknowledgement that that was a person I used to know. I think that's when I realized I was actually healing and not just going through the motions.

39:08 So satisfying when you run into that person in your life. Who, I don't know, it just was in a dark time for you, or like was a dark time for you. And you just, you don't even care.

39:19 Alright, you know what to do. Go in the car, blast it. Somebody I used to know.

39:25 About dating, I'm not ready yet, and I'm okay with that. Some people told me I should jump back. in to prove I'm fine.

39:31 No, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.

39:34 I'm not interested in proving anything to anyone.

39:37 I didn't know I was going to say that. When I'm ready, I'll know.

39:40 And I'll be looking for someone who communicates, who's honest, who doesn't hide things for my own good. The questions people keep asking, no, I haven't heard from Sarah or Layla in months.

39:50 Yes, I blocked them.

39:51 No, I don't regret it. Yes, I sometimes miss the version of Sarah I thought she was. No, I don't regret leaving. To everyone who commented on the original post, thank you.

40:00 Genuinely.

40:01 You gave me permission to trust myself when no one else would. You reminded me that I was worth more than the crumbs of a broken relationship. To anyone reading this while they're in a similar situation, trust your gut. Not as an excuse to be controlling. but as a voice that knows you better than anyone else does. If something feels off, it probably is.

40:22 I'm glad, I'm glad, OP.

40:23 You know what?

40:24 It looks like you're really making moves.

40:28 In your healing journey.

40:30 I think that you did everything correctly, and you followed yourself. You followed your true self. You followed your gut. You went into this thinking of this version of this person, and they proved you wrong, and that's okay. You live and you learn. But we're going to go ahead and finish it up. I'm not healed in some final perfect way.

40:48 I still have rough days. Last month, I saw a couple that reminded me of Sarah and me and I cried in my.

40:54 Car for 20 minutes.

40:55 But then I went home to my apartment and my cat and made myself dinner and felt grateful for the life I'm building. So no, I am not the a-hole. She made her choices.

41:05 I made mine.

41:06 And for the first time in a long time, I'm genuinely proud of myself for the choices I made.

41:10 Thank you, Reddit.

41:11 I think I'm finally ready to stop being a throwaway.

41:14 Aww.

41:15 Oh, I love that. That was like a beautiful ending. Yeah. Good job, OP.

41:19 Yeah, I'm glad that you ended up finding yourself and have taken the time to really reflect and understand and see where all of these different issues lie.

41:30 Because now, look at you. You're doing it. You're freaking doing it, girl. Go out there.

41:36 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

41:39 Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host.

41:43 Here, and we're going to get back to the stories, but here's a three-minute ad break from our sponsors.

41:49 I confessed a secret to my fiancé, and he revealed a secret of his own. I, 25 female, understand that what I did was wrong. I don't deny it or try to excuse it in any way. I feel horrible about it, and I will do anything I can to make this right. So while I understand calling me names is fair game, I'm really looking for advice on what to do from here. Very early on in our relationship, six weeks to be exact, I went on a trip to visit my sister at her school. The second night there, we attended a huge party. I was dancing and drinking.

42:26 One guy in particular kept hitting on me. As the night wore on, I started flirting back. I make no excuses. I was drinking, but not wasted. And I made a horrible judgment call, and I ended up going with him back to his room. I knew the moment it started, it was wrong. I got up and left as soon as it was done, and to this day, I don't even know his last name.

42:48 Well, usually you don't.

42:49 I mean, I don't ask someone their first and last name, so.

42:52 Half the time, I only ask them their first.

42:54 My sister was so wasted, she went home with a friend and never knew I didn't spend the night at her place. I went back home and was just guilt ridden. And although I knew it would cost me my new boyfriend, 25 male, I was going to tell him and beg him to forgive me.

43:09 What shocked me is that you waited until it was done. You knew it was wrong. But after it was done, you just left.

43:13 That's what I'm saying. It's just like the selfishness of just being. And she's like, I make no excuses. I know what I did was wrong, blah, blah. And it's like you had a choice and you chose to just be like, who cares? When I see him the next day, he is already very down. He didn't get the job offer he thought he was going to get. I decided I didn't want to add to his problems, so I spent the entire day trying to tear him up and be a comfort for him.

43:37 Sometimes when something like this happens, you just give him more bad news.

43:42 Yeah. What's the math? It's the two negatives make a positive.

43:47 And right from that moment on, he will just keep going up.

43:54 Then the next time I see him, he is so happy because he said I was able to make him forget about how crappy his life was.

44:00 So once again, I didn't tell him.

44:02 Oh! This is going to be a never-ending cycle.

44:06 There's never a good time to tell someone anything. You just do it. By the way, this comes from Artthrow23.

44:13 And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the rslideshowcase storytime subreddit.

44:17 I'm Savannah.

44:18 I'm Riley.

44:19 I'm Keon.

44:20 And we're here to give you some good advice, but we don't have all your answers. We'd only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do.

44:26 Down in the comments.

44:28 As Opie says, Yes, I know it was wrong both times, but I was young, immature, and scared.

44:34 After those two times, we were getting along so well that I.

44:36 Just put it in my head that nobody other than myself and the other guy even knew it happened. So I ruined a great thing when I knew I would never do it again, and I would never see or hear from this other guy.

44:47 No one will know except for you, and you have to live with that every day.

44:51 Flash forward to two months ago. We have been together for years now, and in fact, we've been together longer than any of our friends have been with their significant others. We love each other, and we live together. He asks me to marry him.

45:06 You sit on a throne of deceit, lies, and cheating.

45:10 I was overjoyed, and of course, said yes. We told our family and friends, and everyone was happy for us. But two days after he asked me, I become overwhelmed by guilt. I called in to work because I couldn't function and spent the entire morning sitting on the couch crying. I was a liar and a cheat and I had tricked my boyfriend into proposing when in fact if he knew about it from the start, he would have probably broken up with me.

45:34 But now since you have years together, he probably won't. Dude, that's so smart. Oh my gosh. She was thinking the long game, dude. Holy cow.

45:45 I decided I could not live the rest of my life like that and determined that when he came home, I had to tell him no matter what his mood was. The other part of this that is important is that I am his first and only spicy related partner. He knew I had been with one other guy before we got together, but that never bothered him.

46:03 Or so I thought.

46:05 He comes home and immediately sees that I'm a mess and asks what's wrong. I told him everything and he is understandably very upset, very emotional. I tell him I will do anything to prove to him that I have never done anything like that since, nor will I ever do anything like that in the future. I offer to let him go through my tablet, phone, Facebook, anything, and he says it won't be necessary because he doesn't want us to live like that. He said he wanted some time to himself to think and said he would sleep on the couch. I told him I would give him all the time he wanted and that I would be the one sleeping on the couch, not him. Next morning, he is quiet but does not show any bitterness towards me.

46:41 He told me that of course he was hurt and upset. He said the hardest thing for him was the time frame because he doesn't know if being upset is justifiable or silly at this length of time. I told him he was certainly justified to be upset and we both went to work. A week goes by and he seems to get a little better every day to the point that we both went out to have a somewhat celebration dinner for our engagement with one of his friends. Everything was fine until Wednesday when he tells me he will be back very late from work. This doesn't bother me at all because it can be a normal occurrence. When they start on a project, they can't stop until it's completed and there have been times it's taken 16 hours.

47:19 Is that what they're calling affairs these days? Oh, I gotta work on this project. It may take 16 hours, but I gotta do whatever it takes to get it finished.

47:30 So I spend the evening catching up on some work, watched a movie I knew he wouldn't want to watch, and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning and he still wasn't there. I texted him and asked where he was. He just replied with, I'm on my way home. We passed each other on the street as I had to get to work. I call him and he just says he was longer than expected and was going home for some sleep. Okay, this isn't normal, but he did give me a heads up and he wasn't acting weird, so I just went about my day.

47:59 I come home and he's sitting in the living room waiting on me.

48:02 Oh, he probably went on a booty call. I think he went on a booty call to get back at Opie. And he's been interested in a girl for a while at work. And this was the time he could do it. And he's like, I'm just going to do this and then we'll be even.

48:14 All right.

48:14 Long story short, he told me that he spent last night with Tracy, a married woman from his work. I just collapsed in the chair. He then goes on to tell me that this was a one-time thing, that she is in an open marriage and that he has no feelings for her and she has none for him.

48:33 But.

48:33 He said that he felt completely paralyzed with anger and envy about me not only having slept with this other guy, but over my previous relationship as well.

48:43 Oh, he probably is like, oh, she's been with like more people than just me. And I've just only ever been with you. And that's not fair.

48:51 Time to make it even.

48:51 I guess he's got to sleep with one more other person then.

48:57 That's just not how that works.

49:00 What? What?

49:02 An eye for an eye?

49:03 That's not how it works? What?

49:07 He said he knew he was wrong, but he just felt like he had to be with someone else just once so he wouldn't feel so insecure about me being with other guys when he had only been with me. I started crying, then got pissed. and started yelling at him then he stops me and says why am i yelling at him i cheated first and when he found out about it he never yelled at me which is true he didn't he says he regrets the action really regrets feeling like he cheapened himself in the process but that while he is sorry it has hurt me He felt like it was something he had to do.

49:43 That's just like weird. I don't like that. I don't like how it's.

49:48 Like I just feel like I had to do. Oh, you had to cheat on me. You had to go be with someone else because you felt left out. Like that's not cool. Like, OK, like I didn't even know you and you're like kind of throwing my past in my face.

50:03 But also, oh, he obviously cheated.

50:06 If they want to stay together, they just need to get over this and then they're good. This is just the part of you cheated. They cheated. What he did was horribly wrong. What you did was wrong. Do you want to stay together? Cause if you do, this is the only way that it's going to be even in both of your eyes. And it seems like if you going down the line, if one person does something, it's, it's a transactional thing where the other person has to do it. It's not a love thing. Like a love thing is like, I've absolutely loved you and I wanted to be with you forever. The other thing, though, is like, okay, okay, okay. Keon, I want to know your opinion on this, too. Would you rather you cheat and your partner cheats back on

50:45 you and that's how you're even, or you cheat and they hold it over your head all the time for years to come and it's like, oh, stop talking to the guy and you're kind of on a leash with that stuff?

50:57 Wouldn't that be the same thing, though? Wouldn't that, like, wouldn't you hold that over each other's heads, like, kind of?

51:02 Like, looking at this... this would cancel it out. Because I don't think this is a couple that looks at things as if, I forgive you, I'm never going to have resentment over you. It's always going to be like a, how do we even score type of thing. I do too, but which one would you rather take? I know they're both horrible options, but like, this is what OP's looking at though. This is like, what do I want my life to look like going forward?

51:26 You know?

51:27 And this is what the guys think. He's like, I can either hold this over her head and every time she talks to a guy, I can be like, stop talking and block him, blah, blah, blah. Or you can just go ahead and cheat on her.

51:35 Now he wants us to move on like nothing happened. I have no idea what to do from here. I would be the world's biggest hypocrite if I left him, but I'm so hurt that I just don't know how we go forward from here.

51:48 Any advice would be appreciated. There's an update.

51:51 It's like a chess. It's like a game of chess. So hear me out. So chess is a strategy game. So he put her in a specific scenario that if she moved this way and left him, he could counter and be like, well, you cheated on me first. So if they did break the engagement off, she would look like the bad guy, even if she stayed or left.

52:11 You cheated on me and you didn't tell me and you continue this relationship for however long.

52:17 Weird, indeed.

52:18 Make your next move your best move and leave him.

52:21 It's like a moral judgment type thing, but also you left your morals back then.

52:27 And you left this guy on that you want to stay with. Here's my thing.

52:31 Truthfully, I don't think that there is a right answer.

52:34 I think there's just wrong answers.

52:36 I honestly, if I was the one that cheated and then deceived this person and then they cheated right back on me, I'd be really hurt. But I feel like I would owe it to them because I want to marry them. If I viewed this person like I do my girlfriend right now and I'm like, this is someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, I would probably duke it out and stay with them.

52:55 And I know like an eye in an eye and I'd have a serious conversation of like, We can't function like this growing, like, staying together. Nah, see you owe him freedom, not get back, see.

53:06 If I really had to pick, Riley, and I don't want to pick, but this is the ultimate, like, this is the options I have in this wild freaking scenario, which is, again, it's like the train situation or, like, the trolley situation of, like, who do you save? For me, having to be like, it just depends on who it is, who it's with, but Out of the two options that Rowdy gave me, I would rather be like, all right, eye for an eye kind of thing. Because if it was just like, my partner's going to hold this over my head or bring it up in any single discussion, you can do that whenever. Nonstop. It's just like, oh, I mean, at that point, just break up, but.

53:44 At that point, but this is sort of like this will even it out. Nobody will talk about this going forward. No one's going to accuse anybody of everything. This is even the score. Are you staying? A lot of people say no, they're leaving because it just makes it messy and toxic. But he just learned two weeks ago that you cheated on him and then he did a proactive thing and cheated on you.

54:04 But he did it then also be like, I didn't lie to you. I said it to your face. Straightforward. I think it's just it's so messy because now that the truth's out there, I think he did both. He'll be like, okay, now we're even. But now I can also hold it over you that you cheated on me and you lied to me for years or whatever.

54:26 I think that he did that in order to be like, I'm better than you because I did it and told you right away.

54:36 And this is what you should have done type of thing.

54:39 They both suck. I guess the best choice is to leave. But I don't know. I just I just if I was put in this situation, I was like, I love this person so much. I it's hard to imagine a world without them. I do. I'd stay with them. I'd stay with them.

54:55 Well, I have an update.

54:56 All right. This has been a very rough week. I'll start off with this. We are still together. We have agreed to postpone telling people when our wedding will be, but for now, we are still together and still engaged.

55:10 Oh, I knew it!

55:11 He has agreed to go with me to couples counseling. We can't get in until the end of next month, but we have it set up and his insurance will cover his portion. We have had several long conversations that have involved lots of crying, mostly me, and one full-fledged mental breakdown by him. I'm not going to lie, after posting this last time, some people were saying they thought She was fictional and he only said he did it.

55:38 So during one of our conversations, I finally got the courage to ask him if he was just saying this to make me feel bad. Sadly, he continued to claim that this happened and how bad he feels about it. I'll also just admit this now, I snooped. I went to his workplace and started looking for her. I've been there many times before, so security didn't even pay me a second thought. I found her and really truly wish I had not. She is everything I am not. She is tall, big blonde hair, and extremely pretty.

56:08 As though my.

56:09 Self-esteem wasn't already in the toilet, this pretty much put a fork in me. I never spoke to her. And I've never told him I've seen her, but the thought of her and him working together every day was making me lose my mind. I know how much he likes Spicy's sleep, and I can only imagine if she is really available to him, he will go.

56:27 Back for seconds.

56:28 But this leads me to another part of my update.

56:31 Oh my gosh, there's more? Leads into seconds?

56:35 Ehhh! He's probably like, honey, before we get married, we should probably have an open marriage. This is really fun.

56:40 I honestly believe he is very emotionally hurt by what he has done. He loves spicy sleep, but he is also very uptight about it, if that makes any sense. He has told me on more than one occasion how he feels like he has betrayed not just me, but himself. He said the entire time was very weird to him initially, but very upsetting to him ultimately, because going through the act without any emotional ties was unsettling and he didn't really enjoy it. I'm calling BS on this, by the way.

57:08 I've seen her, he doesn't know that, and I can tell you he would enjoy that. I've unloaded on him a few times, probably unfairly on a couple of occasions, and I got so mad one night, I smacked him. I immediately begged him to forgive me because I knew it was wrong.

57:25 Okay, I'm going to.

57:27 Pause here because now it has gone into not just emotional turmoil, it is now turning into physical turmoil. And that's not good. Like, you guys need to get out. Someone needs to leave. Someone needs to go. It's not going to work. There is too much resentment here that there is no way you're working past this because it's all, as you said before, it's transactional.

57:51 All of it is transactional. You do something, I'm going to do it. That's not fair. I want to try it. Like, it's a competition now.

57:58 I don't know. I feel like OP, the fact that OP is trying to speak for him when he's Like, I didn't like it. I tried to do it. I tried to get over this. I tried to just, like, even it out. And she's like, I've seen her. There's no way you did not like it. I don't know. Maybe this guy was emotionally tied.

58:13 I don't know.

58:13 You can't speak on his behalf. Maybe he was being honest. But at this point, I don't think it's going to work.

58:19 It's all they talk about. I'm guessing.

58:22 I don't think they have had a normal day since. I doubt that they now can just move on and be like, oh, how's your day been?

58:29 Like, without her.

58:30 Completely thinking, like, This is such a mess.

58:35 He still has never yelled at me or even raised his voice, but his full meltdown did reveal that he truly feels betrayed. Sadly, he remembers the weekend that my cheating occurred in great detail because he had asked me to attend a family function with him and I had already planned to go to my sister's so I couldn't.

58:53 He put two and two together and determined that I was having spicy sleep when he was miserable and had asked me to be with him. Basically, we have both hurt each other badly, but we both still want to be together. So we are going to try and make this work. I also asked him again why he did what he did, and he affirmed that he did it to ease his own pain. He said it wasn't just done to spite me or to get even, but he won't deny that maybe somewhere along the way, he did consider it. The ultimate update is this. He has told me he is going.

59:28 To leave his job.

59:30 Step in the right direction.

59:32 He said he does not feel right walking into work and seeing her, both of them acting like nothing ever happened. I did not ask him to do this, and once again, he doesn't even know that I have seen her.

59:42 Honestly, I am relieved about that part.

59:45 This is a definition that eye for an eye doesn't work.

59:48 Yeah.

59:50 It doesn't.

59:50 It's just like, nothing....

59:53 Him going to sleep with someone else when she had already done that and knew it was a huge mistake.

1:00:00 And he's like, oh, I also want to make a mistake. Like, that is just stupidity to be like, oh, well, you did it. I'm going to do it.

1:00:08 Like, it's just dumb. I just like don't understand. Like, this is going to fix my marriage if I go do this.

1:00:16 No, idiot.

1:00:17 Think he is still lying and hiding things. She is nuts. Well, they're perfect for each other.

1:00:24 Do I think he did it to spite me? Honestly, yes, I think there is a part of that in there. But in talking with him for hours, I just really get the feeling that he thought it would make him feel better, but it didn't. He now feels like he has to deal with the pain of being a cheater on top of dealing with the idea of being cheated on.

1:00:42 I'm far more emotional than he is, but I can tell you from knowing him so long that he is a mess emotionally. He is just trying to cope differently than I am. I wish I had a more definitive update for you guys, but this is where we are. We both hurt, we both want to keep trying, and we are both trying our best to heal ourselves while trying to heal each other. Oh, I know it was probably a snotty thing to do, but I demanded he get tested for STIs, and he did, came back clean.

1:01:10 I know that was humiliating for him, but I just felt like I needed that for my peace of mind. Also, we had spicy sleep for the first time since all of this last night.

1:01:19 Very intense.

1:01:21 And after it, we eventually ended back into a more romantic state soon after.

1:01:26 One day at a time, I guess.

1:01:28 That is a freaking band-aid! You're gonna feel good for about an hour. Like, did you write this right after doing it? I mean, this is stupid.

1:01:37 He let his flesh take control of him. He did not think with his mind. He thought with his wiener.

1:01:43 Little head over big head.

1:01:45 Exactly.

1:01:46 And.

1:01:47 He let it do it. He let it do it. And they have this thing. They have this dilemma of an eye for an eye. And they could have an even score and walk away from it. Because that's the definition of it. But they can't. Because there's more than just that. It's more than just evening the score. Oh, man, I hate her. She's evil.

1:02:04 Yeah.

1:02:05 She said she and her ex agreed that they weren't meant to be together because they're both happy in their lives and relationships. The story is exhausting. She's on repeat. Yeah, that was crazy.

1:02:17 Crazy to live life through that. And that's the end of this story.