My boyfriend LIED about being ADOPTED, and I caught him! | Reddit Stories | EP3084

0:00 Hey, this is Dakota.

0:01 And this is Riley, your favorite OK Storytime host. And we got some great stories coming up. But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show alive.

0:10 My boyfriend lied about being adopted, and I caught him. Ha ha! You're going down, buddy! I, of 21 female, suspected my boyfriend's 25 male story ever since I met him. But I thought I was being unnecessarily skeptical, questioning of someone's traumatic upbringing. Daph made a big deal of it. Until yesterday. We were visiting his parents, and I was making chit-chat. You know how we do. As parents are prone to do.

0:39 Oh, okay, she says that.

0:41 His mother starts talking about when he was a kid.

0:44 Which was odd.

0:45 Because he told me he came to this country at 11. And was adopted by these people at 12. I didn't call it out, but I asked some questions to verify for myself. Like, wow, how old was he then?

0:58 And such.

0:59 Boyfriend has gone very, very quiet as we're talking. We had to leave shortly after, and I wait for him to make the first move when we're in the car, which he does.

1:10 Ugh.

1:11 I hate it when they do that. They fabricate my mother's stories and tell them as.

1:16 If it were their own. What?

1:19 That was the worst lie I've ever heard.

1:22 Sorry.

1:23 Come on, dude. Do better.

1:24 Wait. So... They were having dinner.

1:27 So they were at, OP and her boyfriend were at his parents' house. And they start telling a story from when OP's boyfriend was a kid. And OP has been told by boyfriend that he didn't get adopted until he was 12.

1:41 Oh.

1:41 And so his parents are going, oh, yeah, he was like a seven or he was.

1:47 10 or something.

1:48 And she goes, oh, yeah. And then she gets in the car and Opie's boyfriend goes, yeah, my parents are always lying.

1:57 Oh, what a freak. Nope. Weird. Nope.

2:00 Immediately.

2:01 I'm out. I can't do lying. And then Opie goes, wait, what? Someone has something to say.

2:06 It is not okay to lie about being adopted.

2:09 It's not.

2:10 That create a fabrication of your life. And in result, people don't trust you.

2:15 That's so true, Riley. That's so true. Thank you, Robo Riley.

2:19 Riley, also, I have so much ginger for you. I have a giant box of ginger that I need to get rid of.

2:25 Yeah. I want to know the reason why he's lying. Like, does he just want to be cool? Like, I would love to be cool. I always hated when, like, we went around the class, like, and we were, like, in fourth grade or something. No, and they were always like, oh, I was born in Michigan. Oh, I was born in, like, you know, somewhere else. And you were just born in Ohio.

2:42 Just like everyone else. I was like, now look at me. Look at me. Nobody's born in Ohio anymore. Let's see why Opie lied. Or Opie's born to lie. Oh, someone has something to say. Yeah, okay. Robo Riley's turn.

2:53 I am okay if he is lying about being adopted to save himself from getting f * * * ed from the government.

3:05 Okay. Is true. I guess so is true. Yeah, but why would he?

3:12 OP says, where did they get the stories from?

3:15 Her boyfriend goes, her diary.

3:17 Where is that diary now? In a bank box in the Capitol. Why would they do that?

3:21 Because they don't want to tell people I'm adopted.

3:23 No point in lying to me, though, since I would obviously have been told. Yeah, well, I did notice that she never specifically mentioned herself in that story. Yeah, she. That was the whole conversation that they just had.

3:35 God. Why?

3:37 We talked a little. Mostly, I was quiet, digesting it all. Thing is, I've always suspected his story to be BS.

3:44 Because it is.

3:46 Because it sounds like BS.

3:48 Because that's exactly what it is.

3:50 It's too improbable. Too much sob. He's actually from the US. His real parents and brother passed away in a house fire. No relatives wanted him. And he was abandoned in an airport.

4:01 What?

4:02 By the way, this comes from, congrats, it's Allie. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit.

4:09 I'm Sophia.

4:10 I'm Savannah.

4:11 I'm Riley.

4:14 And we're here to give good advice goofily. But we don't have all the answers. We only know what we know. So if you know something more, prove it. NOP continues. Before I left the car, I told him that I'd love him even if his parents were telling the truth. And he went to work. Late shift. When he came back, he told me the truth. I don't think that's a promise you can make, though. I'd love you even if you were lying to me this whole time. I feel like she doesn't mean that.

4:40 I wouldn't. I'd be like, so tell me or we're breaking up. And then after you tell me, I'm going to break up with you anyway.

4:48 Yes.

4:49 Showed me his birth certificate and some photos. Told me, who knows, a story about why he's been lying for the last... 10 years. He was punted out or ran away from home when he was 15 and lived in a friend's basement for a half a year. When there was talk of getting CPS involved, he lied and has kept it up ever since. He even changed his very traditional name to an English one and explained it by saying his parents forcibly renamed him to make him fit in.

5:19 And he decided to take his name back. We talk English together because he says it makes him more comfortable. He told his parents and family he changed his name because he didn't like it. I still mean what I said. I care for him, even though he's been lying. I said it doesn't change the fact that he's a kind, hardworking, caring person, and I made the demand that he see a psychiatrist, and that he just has to suck up the price because his mental health is more important. Small edit, which he agreed to do, but is this nuts? He wanted to buy a house since before we met, and we had a talk about how the house should fit us five years ahead. He visited his parents to show them the one he set on. I really want some

5:58 outsider perspective here, and I'm not ready to expose him by talking to my friends about this yet. What do you guys think? We've got relevant comments. What do you think, Savannah?

6:08 I'm still confused by this story.

6:09 I don't even get what his response was.

6:12 He said, oh, well, I was punted out by my parents at 15 years. And CPS involved.

6:19 So I had to lie about being adopted?

6:21 I don't believe that. Now, who is he with now? He's with his parents. Yeah. So he's back with his parents. I think he's lying. And has a good relationship with them now? Yeah.

6:30 I think he's lying.

6:31 Still, even the story that he gave doesn't make any sense. Because this is what I have written down. Boyfriend ran away from home. Yes. He stayed at his friend's for a year and a half. CPS got involved. And then boyfriend changed his name.

6:43 Yes.

6:43 And went back to live with the parents.

6:44 Yeah.

6:45 Which doesn't make any sense. So what, what are you, you're just a different persona now? Yeah. Like is that, that's the only, and it seems like he originally maybe didn't, he's saying that he, his like first language was not English, but they speak English at home because he's more comfortable. I feel like he's lying. I feel like he doesn't like, have you ever seen him speak another language? I need that.

7:07 That's a question I need answered. Does he speak another language?

7:11 I'm not buying anything this man says truthfully. Still, even the explanation makes no sense. It doesn't make sense. So I'd just be like, all right, apparently you don't want to tell me. Go on, live a life of lies. Leave me out of it.

7:21 OP replies to a comment, he had no problem lying to literally everyone. He made that clear when he changed his name. This is absolutely the case of a lie spiraling out of control, like you say. I don't think you saw that he did come clean. He did this on his own when it became clear that I was wise to it. I did not specifically call him out on it. He's already agreed to see a psychiatrist. Oh, that was OP responding.

7:44 Somebody has something to say.

7:45 This would be the only reason I would be okay with Angie lying to me. If my girlfriend said she was working all the time and that is why she can't see me all the time and she was covering herself. But the truth is that she was superhero. I would have to really look within myself and think about more than just myself. And so many factors would go into it.

8:14 In the end, our relationship would mean more than just being together with ourselves. IT will have the potential to save more lives than our own.

8:27 So true.

8:29 So if, if he's covering up because he was a superhero, it'd be good. It's good. Then I'd be like, all right, all right.

8:36 Well, maybe we'll learn that.

8:37 Yeah.

8:38 Vengeance pigeon says my personal gut feeling is that he's still lying.

8:43 Yeah.

8:43 His new story doesn't make much more sense than the old one.

8:45 Yeah.

8:46 And the blind one says CPS didn't get involved. His friend's parents threatened to get, yeah, yeah. There was talk about getting CPS involved, but like still doesn't make sense. Like he has a good relationship with his parents. Now I, Yeah, so he just ran away and then came back.

8:59 Yeah. It really doesn't seem like it's a trap. I mean, yeah, that sucks. But why'd you have to lie? Yeah, his parents wouldn't have a... I feel like.

9:08 They'd be more hesitant to talk about his childhood. Yeah.

9:11 They seemed so happy.

9:13 Right? I clocked that as well. OP says, you're right. I'll see if I can get some verification on this one as well. If he's lying about his parents being harmful as well, I can't possibly stay. I honestly, I wonder if this is some sort of like maybe he has like bipolar or some other, you know, thing.

9:32 Compulsive liar.

9:33 Yeah, compulsive lying, something like that. Because I have known people who were going through like a manic episode and, you know, lied a bunch about stuff like this. So I'm wondering if this is maybe, has he done it? Well, I guess he's been lying this whole time. So like did that, you know, what's going on? I would want to look into it more. Edit says, scratch all that about trying to be understanding and crap. Turns out he is a compulsive liar.

9:58 Boom!

9:58 Wow, this is kind of like... one of the first times I've been right, I think. I don't... You gotta have been right before.

10:04 Maybe.

10:04 I don't know. It feels like the first time. It feels like the biggest win.

10:09 And I barely know a single true thing about him. This is like the sixth sense, where you've had a weird feeling all through the movie, and at the end, you get that aha moment. That explains everything.

10:19 Oh God. This is the Prestige X, actually.

10:22 I'm currently at my friend's house and honestly a little hungover. I'll make a proper edit later. We've got an update.

10:27 Let's find out. Yeah, I got to know what this guy, what is he been lying about? It's probably the dumbest thing ever. I feel like his family was actually really good. Yeah, and he's just like, I want a tragic past, but I just didn't get that. So I have to make one for myself.

10:40 I was trying to write my school, like my college thesis. Like when you're applying to call the application letter. I was trying to write my application letter, but I didn't have a good enough story. I had to drive over to his this morning to get my work uniform and all my other stuff while I was at it. Okay, Billy says, if Sam were here, he'd tell us about his ex on the skirt. He would.

11:03 He would say that. I don't even know what that means.

11:05 He just had an ex who lied about a dress. And he was like, why did you lie about that? He keeps telling me we don't have to break up. He loves me and wants to change for me. He's got to stop it. Seek therapy. Fess up to everyone. I have zero second thoughts about breaking up.

11:21 All of these.

11:21 Things are nice things to do, sure, but I'm not going to stick around to watch. Yesterday, after writing this and reading your responses, I went to visit him for his lunch break, as we had already planned. And I asked him straight up, was there anything else he had lied about? He said, um, no, nothing that you could think of. So I decided to help refresh his memory.

11:43 Anything I had doubts about, but never called him out on. Other things he has lied about. Being sent to Afghanistan as his army service. Dude, we read another story with Kwesi about someone who I think also lied about going to Afghanistan. Am I crazy? Or maybe it was just deployed.

12:00 Guys, uh, I'm about to confess something really crazy right now. I was also deported. I also was deported. Deported? Sorry, sorry. Deployed to Afghanistan. I was deported back to Afghanistan. You're from Afghanistan?

12:13 Yeah.

12:13 The whole time you could have told everyone. What are they over there? Afghanistanian. Afghanistanian. Is it? That's what I am.

12:21 Afghanian.

12:22 Rebel Riley says no.

12:23 I think it's Afghanian.

12:24 Afghanian. Afghan? They are. Is it just Afghan? Called. Nope.

12:31 Number one, being sent to Afghanistan as his army's service. He's never been there. Number two, owned part of a small business importing cognac. No, his dad did. Number three, he and his brother bought his parents their house. No, he just helped them put down the floors. Number four, owns three cars. One he bought for his father and one for his brother.

12:54 Just, no.

12:55 That wine he served me on our third date was wildly expensive and amazing. Something that had gone down as one of her cute stories because I later told him I didn't even like red wine. In reality, it's a sort of nice one bought on holiday by, once again, his dad. Number six was inches away from passing away when his crazy stalker ex stabbed him in the lower stomach area and she was sentenced to six months forced psychiatric care. Oh my goodness. He's now saying that she did stalk and stab him, but it was only a flesh wound. Liar. He never even filed a police report.

13:30 This is the story he told the first time we met, and it was absolutely horrifying. The amount of gruesome detail I got. He has since repeated it several times while in my company to my friends and his, and this is effed up. That is insane. We just got freaking like six insane lies. That he has lied about. Like, big lies that he has lied about. Riley has something to say.

13:55 Oh, by Riley. And.

13:57 I have a cousin who is a compulsive liar. He just feels like he needs to lie about stuff. His dad was the same way up until he went to jail. I only lie about things to make a certain scenario funnier or making a joke punch up with a bit of pseudo-facts about my life.

14:18 Yes!

14:19 And those are all right.

14:20 And that's A-OK in my book.

14:22 Yeah. But as Christina says, he's still lying on his lies. Yeah, he's adding layers to his lies. Yeah. A cake of lies. I wrote them all down. One, two, three, four, five, six so far. And I'm sure there's others. But I mean, like, I just don't. Do you want to be more in? Christine? Yeah. I think, well, it's also a compulsive thing, as he said.

14:45 And as you said, just like. So sometimes it's like. There is no reason. It's like you could say, like my sister exaggerates stuff. My older sister, when she tells stories, she exaggerates. But she isn't like, lie. She's not like, this happened and that never happened.

15:00 Yeah, my dad, my mom has an eternal gripe with my dad because she thinks that he always exaggerates his stories. And it was a whole thing growing up where my aunt would be like, well, he would sometimes just make up things to see if, because my aunt is really gullible, to see if she would believe it.

15:16 And she always did. It was great.

15:18 And then my mom would be like, he's not telling the truth. But now he doesn't do it as often anymore.

15:22 But because all of that history, people still don't believe him. Yeah. You make your name for yourself. That's my grandpa's. His nickname was Fibber. Yeah.

15:32 My dad.

15:33 Yeah.

15:34 Frank the Fibber.

15:35 Yeah. Mine was Michelangelo. But Fibber for short.

15:39 Oh. I'm still learning more, but I'm ready to go no contact and have wiped my hands of the whole relationship. I'm glad I found out now. A little conflicted on whether I should tell his parents, since I have no faith he'll do.

15:51 It on his own.

15:52 But I'm not sure the relationship could ever snap back from that. We got final comments. OKBillyTime says, Sophia told Sam false facts growing up, though. I did, but that was for fun. And I always told them they were fake. It would go something like this. I'd say, Did you know this random fact? And he'd go, oh my God, that's so cool. And I'd be like, well, it's not true. No, my brother does that all the time. It's so fun.

16:17 He's just like, no, no, no. This is how you do it. It's kind of an improv. No, it's not.

16:20 It's kind of like an improv thing. It's like an improv exercise. How far can you go to get someone to believe a fact? Because you have to make up the fact. You're Gemini? No.

16:31 Cancer. Yeah, my brother's Gemini, which means he's two-faced. Which means he immediately is like... I'll tell you to your face. No, no, like, this is how it is. But then he's like.

16:40 I'm like... I mean, it's just stupid. Why lie?

16:43 Well, you are making lying a theater exercise.

16:46 Yeah, I am. Lying a theater exercise.

16:49 You should try it out as improvisers.

16:51 Like, you see.

16:52 Okay, so first you have to come up with it. Like, you can't pre-plan it. You gotta come up with it on the spot. And then you just, like, you just, like, literally pull it out. Like, you're like, did you know that the sun used to go behind... You just have to make something up. And then you have to explain it.

17:08 Pull it out of your butt. And then you also have to not laugh. Sometimes that part, that one's hard for me.

17:14 Yeah, yeah. Because I laugh. But if you do laugh, then you have to convince the person that you're just laughing at them.

17:19 Because how did they.

17:19 Not know that? Not this Gemini. But we got a little bit left.

17:25 I think that you don't have enough sweaters for a girl that lives in California.

17:30 That's a lie. Now that's a lie. Because I've got tons of sweaters.

17:34 I have sweaters, too. I just never really wear them.

17:36 I wear so many sweaters.

17:37 Because it's pretty hot. Pretty hot here, you know?

17:40 When asked to clear up the name, adoption, and English speaking from the original post, I changed a few details to obscure our identities in case anyone he knows reads this. But I don't care about protecting his lies anymore. We're in Norway. He said he was adopted from the UK. Changed his name to an English one when he was 21.

18:00 and explained to people that it was his original name from before he was adopted, that his parents had renamed him to a Norwegian one when he came here. In reality, he's born and raised in the same little city as me. OP on why she never questioned anything. It feels so terrible that these were such traumatic stories that I wanted to help and support him because it was all so tragic. But, you know, it's too tragic. And what are you going to do? Someone is practically crying from sharing intimate details and you say... Yeah, but do you have any proof?

18:32 And finally, I updated my post with all the other things I found out that he lied about, and yup, he only came clean when he got caught. I gave him the chance, and he refused. That's the end of that story.

18:45 So he lied for absolutely no reason.

18:47 He lied for absolutely no reason, and he still couldn't confess.

18:50 And I hate him. I hate liars, I can't.

18:53 I guess moral of the story is, if something feels too good.

18:58 Sorry, I dropped it. Is it okay? Is it okay?

19:02 Okay.

19:03 It's a hearty phone.

19:04 If something feels too good to be true or too bad to be true, it's probably not true.

19:10 Every day I spill my drink. Somehow. Oh, okay.

19:14 Do you have me, Savannah?

19:16 Do I have you? No, you're over there. I do not have you.

19:19 Do you hate me, Savannah?

19:21 Oh, yeah, absolutely. My fiance wants to dance with her late fiance's father at our wedding. I don't want her to. Why not? Before we met, my fiance, Kayla, was engaged to a man she had dated for three years who passed away in a traffic accident.

19:39 Oh.

19:39 Terrible. Gosh, we just had one like this. I had never dated a woman who had that kind of loss before, so I've been learning as I go. But I've tried to respond... that he will always be a part of her story, and I accepted her relationship with her late fiancé' s parents with open arms, as you should. They stayed very close, and by the time we started dating, they were basically like a second set of parents to her.

20:03 Kayla's real parents and her late fiancé' s parents are all amazing people. so I consider myself pretty lucky to have two sets of great-in-laws. Our wedding is coming up in May, and Kayla told me that after her father-daughter dance, she would like to have a second dance with her late fiancé' s father to the song Vanilla Twilight. How did that go?

20:25 But drenched in vanilla twilight, I'll sit on the front porch all night, waist deep in thought because when I think of you, I don't feel so alone. Who is this? Owl City. Who does Fireflies?

20:37 I was about to say, I was like, why does this sound like Fireflies?

20:39 Wait, really?

20:40 Yeah, I was like, what?

20:41 That's crazy. You caught that. That's funny. You really had that in the back pocket. I love Vanilla Twilight. Oh, I was a big Owl City fan when they first came out.

20:51 I loved Owl City purely because I think they played it in Guardians of Ghoul. Have you ever heard Bird and the Worm?

20:59 That one's great.

21:01 I don't see anything wrong with this yet. Her dancing with her ex-fiance's father. Yeah, no.

21:07 I think that it's nice.

21:08 Yeah.

21:08 I think it's nice, sentimental, and it's not going to take away from your day. No. It's something she wants to do to memorialize him, you know?

21:14 I mean, like, it might not even be that. Like, it could be that. But also, it's like, she just likes her, you know, she has a parent relationship with her father.

21:22 Yeah, she's in love.

21:23 Her ex-father-in-law.

21:24 Yeah.

21:25 I don't see anything wrong with it yet.

21:26 She asked me if I was comfortable with that. and I didn't want to be that guy and say no, so I said yes. Now I don't like you.

21:34 Yeah, just be honest and say, hey, I'm a little uncomfortable, but, like, let's talk through it.

21:38 Yeah. By the way, this comes from Anxious Journalist 2, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah.

21:46 I'm Sophia.

21:47 Hold, please.

21:48 I'm Riley.

21:50 I'm Riley.

21:51 And we are here to talk about some stuff and give some advice, but we don't have all of your answers. We only know what we know. But let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, But really, it makes me uncomfortable that she would be dancing to a love song dedicated to another man at our wedding. I am happy to make space in our lives for his memory. A photo of him is on our mantle at home. We make it a point to commemorate his birthday and the anniversary of his passing. And I feel like I am understanding and supportive when she has bad days. And I am 100% fine with... with having his parents at the wedding because, like I said, we are all family. But I also feel like our wedding is one day that is all about our relationship.

22:36 Am I the knucklehead if I ask her to reconsider this dance? What are the best compromises here? And there are some comments.

22:44 See, I guess I didn't see it that way. And I guess you need to ask her if this is specifically to show the love I had for my fiancé or if this is... to commemorate my relationship with her ex-father-in-law. Because I think there is a difference there. Yes.

23:02 I think that this is allowed. It's something that she, you know, it could even be like a send-off, you know, to be like, I'm letting go of this chapter. Also could be that, yeah. And it has nothing to do with you, OP. You're making it about you. And it really technically has nothing to do with you. You should just be supportive and be like, if this is what you want, I completely support it. I am okay with you just getting that. I understand how you want it just to be about you guys. It's always been like you guys plus him. I get that. But, you know, Emma Wilkins, she's not ready.

23:36 She might not be.

23:37 And that's not your burden to bear, you know?

23:39 I guess. So we read another story.

23:42 I don't know if you were there.

23:43 We read another story where someone wanted to do a whole like memorial, what's it called?

23:50 Like slideshow.

23:52 To honor their deceased fiance at their wedding. And I was like, no, that's weird. That doesn't feel like, okay. This feels a little different to me because it's a dance with a person that she sees as a father figure.

24:10 Yeah, I would think the slideshow's weird.

24:12 Yeah, I wonder if OP is, because I don't, at least so far, I feel like she hasn't explicitly said this is to honor the love that I have for him.

24:21 Yeah.

24:22 I really want to know. I really want him to ask, is it because of the relationship you have with the father or is it about.

24:29 It also may be she feels bad. He'll never have that. Maybe.

24:33 And Katie Paladin, she's doing both. So she's doing a father daughter dance with her dad and she wanted to do it with this guy who she sees as a father figure.

24:41 Yeah. So technically she thinks of him as her second dad. Yeah.

24:44 Who like, you know, probably thought he would do that with her. Maybe, you know, I don't know. I don't see it.

24:51 Super bad but maybe maybe we're gonna learn more there are some comments comment number one says not the a-hole also it's weird to have a picture of him on the mantle it's a tragic loss but she needs to move on or you do i disagree i disagree with that as well i think you can have a picture of someone you've lost on the mantle my mom has a whole like thing for my deceased pets yeah like my dog and my cat like i don't think there's anything there's a little thing but let's You know, it's just their ashes and stuff. Yeah. If she was.

25:21 Constantly mentioning him and like... There are levels. There are levels. And there would be one that would be inappropriate. It doesn't seem that OP finds that inappropriate. Yeah. He was just uncomfortable with this, which regardless how I feel about this, he should express that he's uncomfortable.

25:37 Yeah. Yes. He needs to say something to her. They need to have that conversation. Exactly.

25:40 Because so far he's just said yes.

25:42 He's been very appreciative and, you know... caring about this whole situation. Yeah. When in reality, is that like, are you lying? Yeah. Is that how you feel? Yeah.

25:52 I think he needs to express it because right now all she's done, I think she hasn't done anything wrong yet. Yeah. Because she just asked a question.

26:00 Exactly. And he said yes.

26:01 Yeah.

26:02 So I would think, okay, he's on board.

26:03 Exactly.

26:04 Like you're saying yes. I'm going with yes. Yeah. OP responds, I definitely don't feel disrespected. We have traveled to six countries together and have plenty of photos and mementos of us pretty much all over the house. The single photo of him does not bother me at all. Comment number two says, Not the a-hole. You might want to honestly ask her to sit down and reconsider if she is ready to be married to someone else, though. She still sounds very much invested in this other man, whether he is alive or not. And she just doesn't sound ready to commit to another person. OP responds, I guess it sounds like he is constantly on her mind because I only wrote two paragraphs yesterday. That we're wholly focused on

26:43 this issue. But it has been about seven years since he passed away. And I think she has processed her grief in a healthy way and doesn't dwell on it. We have our own inside jokes and our own hobbies and experiences that are unique to us. I can truly say I'm marrying my favorite person in the world. That's really sweet. That's so sweet.

27:04 I also feel like we haven't heard enough for anyone to say that she's not ready. Yeah. We just don't know enough about the relationship.

27:10 We are each other's absolute best friend. I don't have any illusions that our life together will entail her forgetting about her late fiance, nor would I want that. Two anniversaries a year and a photo really doesn't represent a significant portion of her thoughts and feelings. Comment number three says, not the a-hole, but that doesn't mean she is one.

27:29 You already said you are okay with it. This day would be about our relationship. Well, it is. Both people are bringing their own baggage here. Hers happened to be her passed away ex. OP responds, we don't ever refer to him as an ex since they never broke up. Obviously, if it was her ex, the whole idea would be a non-starter. I see your perspective, but I'm struggling with it.

27:53 To be honest, although I think I am generally good about her grief, I have asked a lot of her in the relationship. She has moved cities and jobs for me. So I have been thinking that just letting her have this dance would be a way of paying her back for all the sacrifices she's made for me. But I also want to be genuinely okay with it and not just do it to even an imaginary score. I agree with that. Completely agree.

28:19 Don't do it if you're not uncomfortable because it's your wedding too.

28:22 Yeah.

28:23 Like regardless of whether or not any of us think this is okay or not.

28:28 The only thing that matters is you two. Exactly.

28:30 And it doesn't seem like she's going to be the person who, if you said, yeah, I'm not really okay with that, would come back and be like, how dare you? I need this.

28:40 Yeah. It doesn't seem like that. Yeah. No, it seems, it just seems like you need maybe another conversation to discuss this and be like, you know, why are you doing this? Get another explanation, have another conversation about it. Instead of just being like, would you be okay with this? Yes.

28:55 You know, again, it could totally just be the relationship she has with her ex father-in-law.

28:59 Yeah.

29:00 It could just be that.

29:01 Yeah.

29:01 And maybe, maybe the compromise is no romantic song. You know, it's just like we pick a different song. Yeah. There are many different things that a conversation would help bring insight on. Yeah.

29:12 Cause I mean, that song is a very romantic song. talks about how like the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.

29:20 Oh damn wait that's sad yeah i don't know the song oh it's such a good song yeah yeah maybe maybe it's very romantic and just very like sentimental and just.

29:32 Yeah it's also a long song update five months later all right let's see oh two months ago i married the love of my life.

29:41 Yay did they do the song or not we'll find out i.

29:45 Was thinking about this thread the other day how it went and where my head was at when i made it and i thought you guys might like an update a little anticlimactically The thing I was stressing about was a bit of a miscommunication, which probably happens a lot here. Yeah. And there we go. Knew it.

30:03 Knew a conversation would fix everything.

30:05 Kayla wanted to dance with her late fiance, as I'll go ahead and just call him Luke from now on, his father at our wedding. And Vanilla Twilight was an example of a song along the lines of what she wanted, not the set in stone top choice like I had thought.

30:21 Well, there you go. Well, she's just like, oh, I want that vibe or that like style of song or something.

30:27 Like just slow. It is very pretty. Yeah, it's slow and just.

30:30 Yeah. So she's like, oh, sorry, like I can just not do that song.

30:34 Hey, this is Riley, the host that can't really read that well. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.

30:41 I and a lot of commenters in the original thread spent a lot of time over analyzing the lyrics to that song, looking for hidden meaning in every word. While it turns out she hadn't put much more thought into the suggestion than This is a kind of sad song that I like. We got together that night and she had made several playlists of possible first dance songs for us.

31:02 Songs for when she walks down the aisle, music to play at the reception, and song choices for her dance with Luke's father. We spent hours listening to them all and talking about the wedding. We even made a tournament-style bracket for our first dance song in her journal and put songs head-to-head against each other until the victor emerged.

31:22 That is so fun. Do you guys have first dance songs?

31:26 Yes.

31:26 Well, see, mine's not a first dance. It's first performance. My partner will have to sing and dance with me. You're a choreographer.

31:36 You could do that. Yes.

31:37 I have choreographed first dances.

31:39 Well, there you go.

31:40 What's yours, Riley?

31:41 Flaws and Sins by Juice WRLD.

31:44 Where did that go? Flaws and Sins by Juice WRLD.

31:52 Sounds like a really good first dance.

31:56 Wait, get into the lyrics or read the lyrics.

31:59 I'll read the lyrics. I'm the lightning. You're the thunder. There's a difference between I need you and I want you. Girl, I need you.

32:07 Good spicy sleep led to conversations getting a little deeper. Tell me your darkest secrets. Crap, you wouldn't even tell Jesus. My karma been tweaking so much I couldn't even believe in karma. But you give me a reason to thank God for all those recent falls. Percocet 38. I've been getting off.

32:24 I've done chill down.

32:26 On the substances. Suck it like it's love. F me like it's love.

32:31 No protection on my heart. God damn it. I've gone hit raw. Traumatized from my past. Yeah, I keep a log in my mind, in my head where that crap belongs. They say you after my bread crap. I hope they wrong. You always ran up the bands. We can have a ball. Hit it from the back.

32:48 Humana.

32:48 Call a play and huddle up.

32:50 Hit it from the back. Humana.

32:51 Piss that good love in the bedroom. F you on the Prada. Poke her face like Lady Gaga. Ride it like a Mazda.

32:58 Zoom, zoom, zoom.

33:00 I'm all.

33:00 I'm really all in. I'm sure Andy's parents would love this. Ride it like a Mazda. Your scars are really gorgeous. Percocet. Here, I'm going to skip over it. Wow.

33:10 Atta boy. I've done turned to a man. Hot chills when my skin is on your skin. You got to catch a couple out the FNN. That mean Cupid ain't give you a headshot. So I ain't got no choice but to leave you with a headshot.

33:25 Okay.

33:26 Wear your ring finger out. I need wedlock. Got my sights on your butt. Oh, red dot.

33:32 We some bats that made it out of hell. Oh, red hot. Yeah. Okay.

33:36 So that's kind of that's Riley's song.

33:38 That's okay.

33:39 Maybe not.

33:46 Yeah, I actually choreographed... Well, actually, I choreographed my.

33:50 When you say it like that.

33:53 When you say it like that... I choreographed my brother's first dance to All I Ask of You by Family Opera while me and my ex sang it.

34:02 I think Down the Aisle... I don't really know what first dance gotta be. Down the Aisle has to be either... Lord of the Rings.

34:09 Yeah.

34:09 Lord of the Rings, some Studio Ghibli song, or... Maybe like Harry Potter, I don't know. One of those like made it to.

34:18 He walked down the aisle.

34:21 No, not that one. But there's like a lot of really beautiful arrangements. I think Lord of the Rings or Studio Ghibli would be really good. Like Howl's Moving Castle.

34:30 My friend walked down the aisle to something from Twilight. There's like a really pretty song in Twilight that she, no, and it actually was like, oh my God, I immediately cried as soon as she came.

34:42 I was like.

34:43 I think it has to be some sort of Studio Ghibli song because that'll just make me cry. Yeah, I don't know what song I'm going to walk down the aisle to, but I know my first performance. Oh, there you go.

34:51 But wait, what happened in this story? Sorry, I was reading Juice WRLD.

34:55 I did my friends whose dance I choreographed for them was a waltz.

35:00 Love.

35:01 And I also choreographed her and her dad's dance too.

35:03 That's so cute.

35:04 And I had to send them a video because obviously I don't live in Ohio. It's funny. All right, let's do this. At the end, we talked about the wedding and our relationship. Luke and their relationship and grief. What it was like when she lost him and what it was like for me when I lost my mom at a young age. What a family is and all the things we're hopeful for for the future. We stayed up until three in the morning just talking and planning and laughing and crying a little. And I'm so glad for it.

35:33 After getting bombarded by dozens of different opinions from dozens of different people earlier that day, I had been worried that I was going to have a conflict with my fiancé shortly before our wedding, but there was no conflict, just a pure memory. After that night, I started putting in more effort to be involved with the wedding planning process and actually asked for things I wanted, which Kayla actually really appreciated. Yay!

35:57 So cute.

35:59 I would appreciate that too. I'd be like, do you have any ideas?

36:01 Yeah, I would hate to be like planning for a wedding and be like, any thoughts from the peanut gallery? You know, like you've been awfully quiet.

36:09 So like, what do you want the centerpieces to be?

36:12 Is it just me planning everything?

36:14 We also took a long weekend a couple of weeks before the wedding to go on a camping trip together for just the two of us, which I highly recommend to anyone who is getting married.

36:23 Well, I won't go camping, but Airbnb sounds great.

36:27 Yeah. I'll go to a pretty place, sleep in a bed. Overall, there was a complete flip in my feelings leading up to the wedding. From being somewhat insecure and excited, but nervous, to being completely at ease, excited, and feeling stronger about my relationship than ever.

36:43 Good.

36:43 All because of communication. And you know what? Communication wins.

36:46 Communication saves the freaking day.

36:49 The wedding day itself was really wonderful and worth the wait. Kayla and Luke's father had their dance to lean on me. And I also had a dance with Kayla's mom and it was very emotional in a good way. I was going to say, who are you dancing with? Because his mom isn't there. Unless he had a stepmom maybe, you know?

37:06 Well, I guess Kayla's mom.

37:07 Yeah, that's very sweet. I really feel that the day was a celebration of our love. And I was genuinely happy that Luke's parents were there to celebrate along with us because they are very much members of our family. My amazing wife is who she is because of all the experiences that she has had in her life. And I don't want to be the kind of man who asks her to pretend that she has never loved before me or pretend that her grief is something that is or should be done with forever now that she has me.

37:36 I just want to say how glad I am that we shared that night together and that the wedding was nothing but love and celebration. I never thought I could be so happy. And there are some comments. Yay! It's just, it sounds perfect.

37:50 Yay! I knew, I knew. I knew it'd be fine. I had a lot of faith in y'all. I knew it'd be fine. Like, you... Never any doubt in my mind.

38:00 It's just, you guys communicated your needs. And some people, like, that's... That's, like, out of this world for some people. Yeah, some people just cannot do that. They don't get it. It's like, wait, communicate what I want? Oh, God. And I'm the same way. I get weird about communicating the things that I want. Like, I get really weird. I'm like, I don't want to put anyone, like, in a weird position. Ah! I just won't say anything. I'll do everything that everyone wants and then I'll complain about it later. And that's on me having no backbone. And that's on the lack of communication.

38:25 That's on lack of communication, guys. Don't do that. But don't do that. Don't do it. There are some comments. Comment number one says, wait, you dealt with it like an adult instead of overreacting and following the advice of randos on the internet? OP responds, it seems obvious now. Yay! It's funny because when Kayla would ask people online or talk to regular people about her loss, she'd get responses like, oh, seven years ago? That's ancient history. And basically acted like she was broken if she was ever sad about Luke again.

38:57 And when she would talk to people in the grief community, she never got that response. It was always, wow, so you're just coming out of where it's very fresh, huh? She recommended a podcast to me called OK Storytime that I found enormously helpful, not just with understanding her feelings, but processing some of my own feelings about my late mom, who I had a difficult relationship with. Yeah. Going back to the rather just over the giggling. What are you giggling about? What are you giggling? Yeah, we do that, too, with OK Storytime. We do.

39:29 That too.

39:29 We do. We do deal with grief. I was going to say about.

39:32 Going back to like the mental... The mantle piece. You know, putting the picture on the mantle piece. The mantle piece. The mantle piece. Putting the picture on the mantle piece. I feel like if you think about it in any other situation. Like, let's say OP lost his mom.

39:48 And.

39:49 Would, like, would you expect, like, it'd be kind of crazy if anyone expected him to take a picture of his mom down, you know? Because it's been seven years. I, yes.

39:58 I agree. My mom has pictures of my grandma, like, everywhere. Exactly.

40:02 So, like, why are we saying that just because you're in a new relationship, you can't, like, if you lost a person, it's not an ex. It's a person you lost. They passed away.

40:10 Like. Yeah.

40:11 There are obviously boundaries that should be put in place so that the next partner doesn't feel, you know. like they're having to compete.

40:19 Yeah.

40:20 But there shouldn't be an expectation to completely.

40:22 Forget about that. I agree.

40:23 Because it was still an important person in their life.

40:25 I have a pit cure with my great grandfather who has passed away in my room.

40:31 And I love that. And I'm sure that, you know, you're not going to, you're allowed. No one's going to tell you in seven years, Oh, get over. It's been seven years.

40:39 Yeah. You know?

40:40 Yeah.

40:41 I mean, I know no matter what grief is grief and it comes and goes. Yeah. It always like, It's never ending, truthfully. It is never ending. It's like I can still think, you know, fun times about, you know, my grandparents or whatever and like get emotional.

40:58 Yeah. Like I lost my uncle during 2020. And, you know, I don't cry. Like I don't cry all the time or anything. But I think about him and I, again, as you said, I get emotional.

41:11 Yeah.

41:11 Because this was a very, you know, he was very important.

41:14 Exactly. Exactly.

41:15 And, you know, like, it doesn't matter how long it's been. Because when you think about those moments, you get transported right back. Yeah.

41:22 Comment number two says, I mean, if Luke hadn't passed away, your wife would be with him.

41:27 I hate that idea.

41:28 I hate that.

41:30 Like, if, if, you know, like, why are we what if-ing? What if he didn't pass away? She wouldn't be with you. So?

41:36 Yeah.

41:37 If I was a frog, I would be a frog.

41:39 There you go.

41:40 My boyfriend would not date me if I were a frog.

41:42 But look who is still standing.

41:43 What? Look who's still standing. Look who's still standing.

41:46 It's like that, there's that movie with, I'm forgetting her name. She's one of the Olsen people, Elizabeth Olsen. And she's like in the afterlife and she's being forced to choose between the husband that she had when she was younger, but lost him. So she was like in her twenties and then, or between the husband that she had for the rest of her life. So it's like, which, like my first love or this person that I grew old with.

42:11 And I actually haven't seen the movie, but. So I won't spoil it.

42:14 I watched that movie with John. Yeah.

42:16 But it's like, why would, you know, like you don't like, she didn't, she didn't not love her. Like she lost that person, but like she made a new love with the next person. It's like, why are like situations happen and we just kind of keep going. Yeah.

42:31 Like if my, like, it's like if an ex didn't break up with you, you'd still be with them. Like, okay. Yeah.

42:39 But they did, but they did, but that didn't happen.

42:41 So yeah. If, If my ex wasn't mean, sure, I'd be with him. Exactly.

42:46 It's like, what ifs are stupid?

42:47 Yeah. Opie responds, this line of thinking has never bothered me because it can be applied to so many other situations. All of life is millions of branching paths of choices that we do and do not make. It doesn't bother me to think that my wife would be with Luke if he hadn't passed away because, well, he has passed away.

43:07 So that is not the situation. And it is only because that happened that my wife became the person I fell in love with. I have an ex-partner who I was very much in love with years ago, but we split up due to circumstances beyond either of our control. If that hadn't happened, then there's a good chance I would be married to her instead. But that's not the situation.

43:26 That doesn't diminish the love that I have for my wife. And my wife, having lost someone very dear to her, doesn't diminish the love she has for me.

43:34 Period.

43:35 That was great. I loved that.

43:37 Yeah. I also loved that.

43:39 Yeah. There he goes, folks. There he goes.

43:42 Yeah. I don't.

43:43 Again, there's no timeline for grief. You can still grief anything. You know, you can even grief your phone passing away.

43:51 My married coworker confessed she's fallen in love with me.

43:55 Oh, yikes.

43:56 Not good. I, 26 male, just started working with a great woman, 30 female, a few months ago. And we started talking during our coffee and lunch breaks. We really hit it off and agree on a lot of things. Our backgrounds, our beliefs, our habits, etc., However, much as the title says, she's married. What's more, she told me that she's fallen in love with me in a way she hasn't with her current husband. She says there's nothing wrong with her husband and that there is no hostility or resentment in her marriage, just that her husband's away from home a lot of the time. So there's a big gap in her life that is only filled when he visits her on the weekends. Okay, Riley's laughing again, probably because she said a big gap that he fills.

44:39 Because he never listens.

44:40 And it is hard for her, and she need to be filled.

44:44 Yep, and there it is.

44:46 How did I know? Or in this circumstance, during coffee break with me. She finds me attractive. She says I'm very charming and very captivating and emotionally supportive. She can't help but want to talk to me as much as she can. Let me make something completely clear. I do not want a romantic relationship. With this woman. As much as I find her attractive and great to be around, I simply can't and won't start anything with her.

45:11 Period.

45:11 There's too many factors at play here and too many red flags for me to consider anything serious. She asked me point blank if I was in love with her. I replied by saying, I might have been if she were single, but since she is not, I can't be in love with her. So I'm not.

45:27 Very practical, Opie.

45:29 Opie's like, I can't and I won't be. I could be if you weren't, but.

45:33 You are, so I'm not. If circumstances were different, sure. But you're married.

45:37 If I were a frog, I'd be a frog, but I'm not.

45:40 And therefore, I can't marry you.

45:41 Maybe.

45:42 Therefore, I cannot fill your gaps.

45:44 Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern belle. We're going to get back to these stories, but here's three minutes worth of ads from our sponsors.

45:52 Maybe in another life, but not this one. She has another family to take care of and another partner in her life. By the way, this comes from Asla Carton. 191. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

46:06 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

46:08 I am Riley.

46:10 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says... When she confessed to me, I told her that as flattered as I am, I think she's basically crushing on me because she isn't seeing her husband much.

46:25 To which she admitted.

46:26 and is aware of all the same, she says she can't help but see me in a romantic light. I enjoy talking with her as a friend, and don't really want to completely lose that, because she really is a wonderful human, and it's nice to talk with someone you relate to. But I don't want to lead her on romantically, or confuse her further. I told her to focus this romantic energy on her marriage and her husband, to start seeing her husband the same way she sees me, convince her husband to change his work schedule if possible, and more importantly, just open up with him and let him know that she feels emotionally starved. For the time being, I told her that we shouldn't do anything drastic in either direction. We shouldn't start seeing each other after work

47:07 and build on this, nor should we immediately cut off all contact and just forget about each other existing. I think either move would be less than ideal. The former choice would inevitably end in disaster. The latter would just be needlessly depressing. I told her to have faith in her own fidelity and her own integrity and realize that this infatuation will pass over and to think of me more as a friend and a brother than any sort of romantic partner.

47:32 Damn.

47:33 OP is just, wow.

47:35 OP is like, consider me J with a G.

47:38 Consider me like I'm not even here. Consider me like I'm a frog.

47:41 Yeah, Lucky Moose agree. He needs to take a break from talking to her. She sounds exhausting. I agree.

47:47 I don't think you can get anywhere in this sort of friendship if she's.

47:50 Like, I'm in love with you. Yeah. And are you in love with me? And he's like, Robo Riley?

47:55 Consider me as if I have no reproductive organs.

48:01 Consider me as if I'm a eunuch. don't consider me at all don't consider me at all stop considering if she continues to pursue me romantically i am not against completely cutting off contact and limiting time together just to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control but only as a last resort however my hopes are that eventually this crush will fizzle out and we'll continue to be friends that are able to enjoy each other's company without any hint of romance my question for now however is if I'm doing the right thing or making the right choice. Should I swallow my own feelings of wanting to spend time with her as a friend and force distance between us at the cost of not being able to talk and relate with someone? Is my

48:45 thought that exposure over time will dissipate this crush actually correct? Basically, what can I do to make sure this doesn't get out of control? We have an update. I don't think that seeing her more will help.

49:00 You're not her therapist. Seems like that's what she's... She's kind of trying to, like, make you feel bad about her situation.

49:06 Yeah.

49:07 Like, really confide in you. It's like, tell this to your husband. He's there. He could do that.

49:11 He could do that for you. He could be your emotional support.

49:13 Yeah.

49:14 I'm just kind of your coworker.

49:15 Yeah. And OP, I think, I think you're doing everything right. I thank God, you know, you're putting this boundary down and saying, no, no, no, I'm not getting involved with this.

49:25 No, no, no. It's going to be messy. Going to take a step back.

49:28 Yeah. But I mean, I, if you eventually feel uncomfortable, you could take this up with HR. Yeah. True, true, true, true. You could bring it to someone else and be like, I'm done with her, you know, if it gets too out of hand. Other than that, I would try to say keep the conversation short and sweet. Yeah. You know, and just be like, oh, yeah, you're great. You know, oh, that stinks.

49:50 Yeah, we don't have to go get lunch together anymore.

49:52 Yeah, just be like, hi. Oh, haven't seen you in a while. How is everything? That'll probably be better. You know, Robo Riley has something. Yes.

49:59 Now, I say look more and more like her husband every day. Meet her kids. Lock in on his mannerisms and slowly just infiltrate his life and be with her forever. No one will notice because he is not around.

50:17 True. Or he can start acting like her husband, who she doesn't want to be like. That's what you said. Oh, yeah. But then you said to marry her at the end. Oh. I'm saying act more like her husband so she stops liking him. Yeah, because she obviously doesn't want to be with her husband. So just act like him and then she'll be like, Oh, one more response.

50:39 She is just lonely. That is the real reason.

50:43 And that's the truth. And that's the breaking truth.

50:46 Of course, Ronan Q. I mean, update.

50:49 I just got off the phone with her Sunday morning. She called me to let me know how she's doing and asked how I'm doing. And I cut the BS right away and said that we need space apart from each other and we can't keep seeing each other anymore.

51:03 She agreed. And that was that.

51:04 At least now I don't have to worry about what she's thinking about anymore. And I'm glad she understands OP is so practical. That's really, this is not what we usually read.

51:13 No.

51:14 All I hope for now is that we all just move on from this and this doesn't bite me in the butt in the future. I also want to say thank you to everyone who told me everything that needed to be said. I had a really effing brutal time last night just trying to process all of this and I'm still pretty aching and sore this morning. But I greatly appreciate everyone. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is way more helpful advice, way more honesty, and way more tender wisdom than I could ever ask for. This colossal tsunami of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

51:43 Do, do, do, do, do.

51:45 OP continues. It touches me deeply.

51:47 Yada, yada, yada.

51:49 Earth helping another person in pain. Yada, yada, yada.

51:52 What is this poetry?

51:52 I can see now the ocean of love.

51:54 What? Yada, yada, yada.

51:56 I can't wait to find more people. He's a poet.

51:59 Thank you. That was crazy. He's like, and let me say this really quick.

52:05 And just three more paragraphs about how much I love you guys.

52:09 That was crazy.

52:11 And that's the end of the story.

52:12 Yeah. Good job, OP. You really handled that like a champ. Yeah. I will say one thing that stood out to me was I don't know why you would be aching sore the next day. I thought he meant like emotionally.

52:24 Or maybe he played pickleball. I'm always aching and sore after pickleball. Or maybe went rock climbing.

52:29 Could have done that. Could have done a lot of things.

52:31 I went rock climbing two days ago, and I was trying to get this one climb, and I could not.

52:36 It was a red one on the slab wall. It's a V4. I saw someone do it the other day. I saw a bunch of people do it.

52:43 Couldn't do it.

52:43 Oh, V4? I'm going after it tonight.

52:45 It is so balancey.

52:46 Could not get it. Yeah, I mean, truthfully, OP. Glad that happened.

52:51 Yeah, good job.

52:51 Really glad that you didn't do anything. Yeah. So pragmatic. And I loved the poetry at the end. Thank you. Yeah. For that.

53:00 He was so like analytical throughout the whole story.

53:01 And then at the end, he was like, I have to give them some poetry to know. I still feel things deeply. No, I still feel things very deeply. So, so deeply. I wanted my fiance to take my last name, but she wanted me to do the same. Compromise. Smush them together. I, 27 male, have been with my fiancee.

53:21 24 female for three and a half years we are very happy together and i can't imagine my life without her but we have had a hard time reconciling this disagreement so i posted here at her suggestion we have been talking more and more about marriage recently and what it would look like for me part of the significance of marriage is becoming family with each other and that includes sharing our last name when i think of being bonded with her in that way i get really happy and excited like We are a true pair and the whole world could recognize it. However, she wants to keep her last name as she says it is a hassle to have to change it. It is.

54:01 It is. It's a huge hassle.

54:03 You have to change all your credit cards. You have to change your license. You got to change literally everything.

54:07 And then it's also, it's tricky because especially now there's, you know, with birth certificate stuff, it makes it harder if your name does not match your birth certificate.

54:17 Yes. My sister-in-law is going through that.

54:19 Especially with like voting laws.

54:21 Yes. Yes. I think that's fine, but I'm the only guy on my side of the family who could carry my family name. I have two sisters who are married already, so it's literally just me left. It's a pretty unique name. Not one like Johnson or Smith. So my family name would be gone if I don't carry it and pass it on to our kids.

54:44 Why wouldn't you be passing it on to your kids? Because she wants to keep her last name. But, like, why can't they just both keep their last names and then their kids get hyphenated?

54:52 Could be. That's a possibility. And it's solved.

54:56 It's solved. I feel like I just solved it for you.

54:58 We did it. By the way, this comes from Nameless Future. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.

55:06 I am Riley.

55:08 And we are here. to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all your answers. We're just going to tell you what we would do, but you should let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, Beyonce doesn't really care about matching our names and suggested I could change my name to hers so we match or otherwise just keep both of our own last names after we marry.

55:29 Yeah. I don't understand why we can't do that. Because Opie said, well, I don't want to give up my name. Well, don't. Yeah. And she doesn't want to give up her name.

55:37 So don't.

55:38 I'm not giving up my name.

55:39 Yeah, I don't know if I want to.

55:41 My name is mine.

55:43 Mine, mine. She has a brother, so her family name would be carried on either way. I feel like it's different for that reason, and she should compromise with me and change her name.

55:53 That's not a compromise.

55:54 Yeah, what?

55:55 She should compromise with me and do what I want.

55:58 Yeah.

55:59 And Snickersnack says what I said, hyphenate the kids' names.

56:02 Am I the a-hole for not wanting to change my family name and asking her to change hers instead?

56:07 You were the a-hole for the last part, yes.

56:09 Yeah.

56:09 First part.

56:10 No.

56:10 Last part. Yes.

56:11 I never found like an issue with that. I know my friend went through this. She didn't want to change her last name, which I don't think she did. She wanted to have it like hyphenated. But I don't I don't know what ended up happening. She still has the same name on Instagram. So I wonder I should ask her that. Like if she ever did it, because I know it was a big, it wasn't a big deal for her family, but it was for the, her partner's family, which is.

56:34 Often how it goes. I feel like with like, it usually is more important for the male. They're also super religious.

56:41 So I don't know if that has anything to do with it either of being like, you should take the men's name or something like that. But yeah, I don't, I don't know. I mean, I don't really think it matters. Like, yeah.

56:53 And I, The thing is that I don't think it matters to take the name, but I think a name is very important to people.

57:02 That is her own name.

57:04 And to give up one's name is a big thing that I think a lot of women make that sacrifice. And some don't care, but some do care, and they make that sacrifice. We just kind of gloss over it. It's just like you're supposed.

57:18 To do it. There is an edit to add, getting some questions about hyphenating her names. I am willing to do this, but she is not. She does not want to change her last name at all due to the hassle of it. So basically, she says I can take her name or just accept us having different last names. Also, some comments are mentioning this is my hill to pass away on. It's really not, or I wouldn't be posting here.

57:42 It's just something my fiance and I are having trouble sorting, and we wanted to get some others to weigh in. I obviously won't or can't force her to do anything. There's a second edit to add. It's hard to keep up with the comments, but I am reading them all, and so is my fiance. She is getting a real laugh out of it, which makes me glad, I suppose.

58:03 But to address a couple more questions that are popping up, We talked and are both okay with the kids taking my last name.

58:10 Okay, then like actually what's the issue here?

58:12 Yeah.

58:13 There actually is zero issue here.

58:15 Yeah, I don't think it really does not matter.

58:17 That's actually crazy. Because I thought the issue was going to be like, oh, well, she says hyphenate or... Take my last name for the kids. But if she says, no, I just want to keep my name and we can name the kids your last name. Yeah. Then what's the issue? You said your whole thing was, well, I have to pass on the name.

58:35 You are. Yeah.

58:37 There is no issue. My mom didn't take my dad's last name. There was no issue. There's no issue. I have my dad's last name.

58:44 Yeah.

58:44 Yeah.

58:45 Literally. That's crazy. We talked and are both okay with the kids taking my last name. Perfect. She is thinking about this still, but might use my last name socially and keep her name legally. So she doesn't have to deal with the hassle, but we still get a shared name. And there's an update.

59:00 Perfect.

59:01 Yeah. Okay. So what's happening? Wait, wait, wait. What's the issue? So that's it. um so problem solved end of story right christian the greek i don't think we unless you're talking about a story i we read when i wasn't here but i don't think we i do not recall reading this story but we have read similar stories there's an update here oh hold on uh robo riley.

59:22 Has something really quick yeah hannah says i'm confused.

59:25 Hot take if it is just a hassle of getting it changed Can you just have someone change it for you?

59:31 It costs money, though. But the thing is, you would have to pay someone to change everything. There are so many things, and it's not just about changing it. It's like you change it, and again, it goes into the voting stuff. There are a lot of different things that are affected by this. And also, sometimes people just like their last name.

59:54 Hannah's saying, what's the update to this non-issue?

59:56 It's really a non-issue.

59:57 They solved it. All right, well, there is an update. My wife and I read every comment together and discuss things thoroughly. I had not considered the patriarchal slash historical angle of asking a woman to take a man's name and give up her own. It's just not something I'd been exposed to much. It turns out this was there in the background for my wife and was bothering her, but she wasn't fully aware of it, much less how to explain it to me. So it wasn't just about the paperwork or hassle of changing her name. She was also resisting because she felt weird about giving up her name. Yeah.

1:00:31 I had no idea that she felt that way and was glad some commenters gave her the language to actually talk about it with me. Part of our process in resolving this difference was to do 23andMe tests and build family trees. This ended up being really enjoyable and we both found out some great family stories and tidbits from relatives.

1:00:51 I highly recommend for other couples to do this too. We both feel much more connected to our personal histories and therefore our last names now. And it was very moving for me to link our trees together and gave me that sense of romantic connectedness I was seeking through the names. The end result? We got married two weeks ago without a legal name change.

1:01:11 Heck yeah.

1:01:12 That was so easy. In the future, we are thinking of hyphenating our names.

1:01:16 Maybe.

1:01:17 Neither of us are pressed to do it immediately as we are basking in the newness of our marriage. Our kids will also have hyphenated names, too, if we are blessed with some. Yeah, there's a little bit left, and you did it. You did it. You solved it. You solved it. This problem, not a problem.

1:01:34 Zero issues here, bud.

1:01:37 Cool. I don't have any thoughts because there's something in my eye.

1:01:41 Okay, that's your thought? That's your final thought?

1:01:43 My final thought, there's something in my eye.

1:01:45 Ouch.

1:01:45 I mean, like, what else would there be to talk about here other than your eye?

1:01:49 See this? This is a problem. That solved.

1:01:52 Not a problem.

1:01:53 I am thrilled to be married to the love of my life, even if we are not a matching Mr. and Mrs. for now. I would still like to be someday, but if we do, then the hassle of changing our names will be something we suffer through together instead of an unequal burden. Most of all, this experience has massively changed the way my wife and I approach our differences or conflicts together. We work through things slowly, gently, and without assumptions until we understand each other, and that has been the best thing to come out of this experience. So, although I didn't expect to say it, thank you to everyone who called me an a-hole a few months ago.

1:02:29 My wife thanks you too. That's funny. Perfect. Great job. That was pointless, but thanks for sharing.

1:02:36 We solved your, we solved it. We saved the day.

1:02:39 Once again, okay, story time saves the day. That's us.

1:02:43 But that's the end of that story. But we've got comments from the video. My husband chose his niece over our kid.

1:02:51 I want a divorce.

1:02:52 And this was posted August 13th, 2026. The TLDR comes from story one. Opie thought her husband's niece, Kelly, was only staying with them for three months. That was 14 months ago. What started as a temporary favor turned into her husband treating Kelly like their own daughter, even threatening divorce when Opie refused to adopt her. The problem, Kelly targeted Opie's 18-year-old daughter, Sarah, relentlessly, breaking her things, calling her names, and playing the innocent victim while Opie's husband excused every single thing she did. Then one day, Kelly exploded on Sarah over something tiny, screaming that she was lazy trash who should be kicked out. Opie finally snapped, and when her husband came home demanding a divorce to

1:03:37 protect Kelly, she gave him exactly what he asked for. But the truth about who Kelly really is adds a shocking layer to the whole mess. And if you're curious to know how shocking it gets, go watch the full video. But we've got.

1:03:50 Comments I want to read. All right. Read them. Nah. First story. It's good to be honest about this. Her actions broke up a family. Their son has to split his life between two households. She needed the truth, and the husband is the biggest a-hole for refusing to listen until his life was ruined. Sarah has an awesome mom.

1:04:15 I just hope their son will be okay. Jessica OG says, First story, not the a-hole, and I'm glad she told the niece that the divorce was her fault. She can't take accountability for her actions if she's shielded from the harm she caused. Glad OP stood her ground, protected her children, and maintained her dignity. So true. Next comment's From Robin Hines, 7528, and says, when my kids were D-bags, I told my kids they were being D-bags.

1:04:46 Yep.

1:04:47 And that's sometimes how you gotta do it. And our last comment, Tree something, said she's going to be branded for life. Yes, that's how consequences work. That's how you learn not to do something again. The things that keep you up at night.

1:05:02 That's also true. You have to have consequences or you just don't, you just keep behaving terribly.

1:05:09 Yeah.

1:05:10 But that's the end of those comments and the end of the episode. So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1:05:15 We love you.

1:05:16 And see you tomorrow.