My father SECRETLY left me money… now my stepmom wants to STEAL it! -r/AmItheButtface | Reddit Stories | EP3104

0:00 Hey, this is Carly.

0:01 And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My father secretly left me money. Now my stepmom wants to steal it.

0:16 Well, put it in the vault.

0:18 After my parents got divorced, my dad started dating Betty. Everything started OK, but Betty became jealous when my dad spent time with me.

0:26 Weird. Immediate red flag.

0:29 She was never harmful, just passive aggressive and saved her worst comments for when he wasn't around. I learned I can't trust her, but I am polite to her. Betty has a son, Frank, who's very greedy. When she met my dad, Betty stopped giving him everything he wanted. In 2009, he and my dad had an argument that ended with then 40-year-old Frank punching my then 70-year-old dad. My dad passed away a few months ago. The will was joined, so the estate goes to Betty, and once she passes away, what's left will be divided between me, my brother Alan, and Frank. It's unlikely me or Alan will see any of it, because Frank will drain her until there's nothing left, which has already started. By the way, this comes from

1:10 Inheritance Snafu. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Sophia.

1:17 I'm Dakota.

1:17 And I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says, they got married in 1996. In 2006, he changed the beneficiary on his IRA to only me. It's not part of the estate. She's very nervous about the IRA. My dad was fairly wealthy.

1:41 So between his estate, her retirement accounts, and them selling their house for almost $ 1 million... She's not going to starve, but she is still nervous. Alan called me with all of this info because the estate lawyer is sending me a letter about it. Betty told him not to tell me anything, but he felt he had to. Haven't gotten the letter yet, but there may be setting up a trust that she'll want me to sign the IRA into.

2:03 I expect to guilt trip about doing the right thing and following his wishes, but.

2:08 Don't sign anything. Get a lawyer.

2:12 Don't sign nothing.

2:14 Stop.

2:14 Don't let them guilt trip you. The reason they had a joint will is because they couldn't agree on any other kind of split, as my dad didn't like Frank and Betty doesn't like me. If I thought my dad had dementia, I might believe the IRA was missed, but he was very meticulous. It feels like making me beneficiary was his way of providing for me knowing this would happen.

2:35 It does not make financial sense for me to give the money to the estate agency. and end up with 25% of whatever pittance is left when I could have 50% of whatever is in the IRA now. I would split it with Alan. My other reason for not wanting to share is that I'm currently pregnant. And having this money would make being a stay-at-home mom easier, and baby would get a jumpstart on her college fund. Would I be the a-hole if I didn't give this money back to the estate and shared it with my brother? I might be the buttface because while I want to be ethical, I am having some schadenfreude over being in control after she treated me poorly for 30 years. I also don't need the money, but she doesn't either, so... In other info,

3:18 I don't know why she wouldn't call me directly. Either the lawyer said not to, or this is another example of her not treating me as an adult. My brother is my half-brother. He was estranged and came back into our lives in 2008. I feel like he would have been on the IRA too. After my brother came back into our lives, but before he had changed his will, my dad always asked me to be fair with him so I would give him his share. And we do have an update. So I guess the question is, do we give, you know, OP's the beneficiary. Does she give the money that she technically has control over back to the estate?

3:52 I mean, yeah, if you're going to do that, hey, you might as well just give it to me or anyone. You're like, oh, well, I don't need the money, but she doesn't either. It's like, take the money.

4:02 It's yours.

4:03 Update one week later. I got my mystery letter. It was pretty much what I expected. Basically, please give me the money because it's obvious that your dad thought this would be covered by the will and he meant for all the money to come to me. Then filter down to you, kids. Trickle down, economic style. Complete with a guilt-trippy paragraph about how they lived on their social security and withdrawing from their IRAs. and neither of them have a pension or other income. And I quote, only what we had saved over the years.

4:31 Hey, aw, good luck with that after you sell your million dollar house.

4:35 Like only what we've saved over the years and the million dollar house I'm gonna sell. Which she could probably get even more for.

4:41 No one can make it on a million dollars these days.

4:44 No, that's too hard. Everyone needs at least three million. There's also a line about how you can see that there is a large value to the items gifted to you and Alan. Which I'm not going to argue with. Exactly. Except that I sincerely wonder if she thinks I'm an idiot and doesn't realize I know how to add. She just sold their house for almost $ 1 million. Or that I don't know what the apartment in Italy is worth. $ 350, 000.

5:10 I find it very difficult to believe that my father didn't also have a savings account or mutual funds. Plus she's going to get widow survivor benefits. in addition to her own benefits from Social Security. The items Alan and I were gifted come nowhere close to that. I think altogether there is a car involved. We're divvying up maybe $ 100, 000 worth of stuff. Maybe, if we can get a good price for the car. With just those two sales, she could buy a house for $ 200, 000 to $ 300, 000 near her son and still have plenty to live on. But she seems to have her heart set on buying a house by the beach. which doesn't feel very much like my problem.

5:48 Oh, that is an accurate assessment.

5:51 Yeah, OP's like, oh no, you want a house by the beach?

5:54 Good luck.

5:55 Honestly, just blocked on all communications. I respond to the lawyer.

5:58 I said, I'm not signing this and I request no more further communication about this.

6:02 From her letter, you'd think that this IRA has millions of dollars in it that she desperately needs to survive. But no, she tells me that it's worth $ 55, 000. That's 5% of what she just sold the house for. I genuinely think it's both pitiful and pathetic that she wouldn't just let it go. But I'm sure she has Frank whispering in her ear about making sure she gets everything she's entitled to. But now I do have a copy of the will. Two things stand out from what she's sent me.

6:31 The letter isn't on the lawyer's stationery, so there's been no official demand of any sort, and I feel like it's unlikely that I'll get one. Nowhere in the will does it say that she couldn't just rewrite her will and give everything to Frank. Like I said in my last post, I don't trust her in the slightest, so I've contacted an estate lawyer so I can determine my next steps. Thanks for being here with me on this ride.

6:53 I'll update again if there's anything more to say, and we have a second update four months later.

6:58 Oh, I think there's been some new and exciting developments.

7:03 I do not doubt that your stepmother has lied in some way, shape, or form about the amount of money that is actually in this account or in this IRA.

7:15 I would be shocked if she did not. Update.

7:18 There's not a whole lot to update on, as for better or worse, I haven't heard from my stepmother in months. But I suppose this is some sort of closure for people who care. About a week after I got the letter, she sent me a text message asking if I'd gotten the letter and if I'd made a decision. I said yes and no, respectively. She hasn't contacted me since, so nothing since August. Since then, I've also had my baby five weeks early. So it's not like I have a lot of brain power to spend on her. I spoke with an estate attorney, and she had confirmed that there's nothing legally my stepmother could do to get the IRA.

7:50 So I was in the clear there. Yeah, I mean, OP's the beneficiary, so.

7:53 All she can do is cry.

7:55 She also confirmed that joint wills don't really exist anymore, so if my stepmother wanted to, she could just rewrite her will to exclude me, or me and Alan, or whatever she wanted to do. This left me with the interesting problem of, how do I get the money, considering I didn't know where it was, and I didn't really want to contact my stepmother and say, I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request, so tell me how to get my money. Because I felt like that would open up a can of, I'm not going to tell you until you agree to sign it over to me. Luckily for me, the lawyer I spoke to was also the son of an old Italian man, like my father, and mentioned that these old Italian men tend to pick a bank and never change. So I googled around for investment

8:35 firms until I saw a name that rang a bell, and I went, Aha! Long story short, the IRA is now in my name. I had to take a disbursement for this year and sent half to Alan. My stepmother has moved a couple of times, so I don't know her address to send my response letter. And like I said, she hasn't contacted me since August, so I'm considering my hands washed of it unless she actually tries. So all's well that ends well for me. Alan, on the other hand, is still having to deal with her because of the estate.

9:06 He's meeting with the estate lawyer tomorrow to get some questions answered, so I'll be interested in hearing what happens. One of the things she had mentioned to him is that she needs a car that my father left to Alan and I, appraised because of something, the estate, I'm guessing, because there's no way the car is worth this much, is worth over $ 5 million. She says there are tax implications, which doesn't make sense to me, but if she's really dealing with a $ 5 million estate, it's super extra petty that she was coming after me for $ 55, 000.

9:35 Yeah, wait.

9:35 She's, so. So there's a car that needs to be appraised.

9:44 Yeah, it's more the problem that your stepmom hates you and wants your father's biological children to have nothing.

9:52 Yeah, that doesn't fully make sense to me because it seems like she's saying that if a individual thing is worth... more than $ 5 million, like as tax stuff, but there's no way that the car is worth $ 5 million.

10:07 It depends.

10:07 I mean, OP would probably know if this was a super expensive car.

10:11 She just doubts that it's probably not, but there could be. If it's... They've got the apartment in Italy. It's a classic car. Who knows how much that's worth.

10:21 Update three, one month later. I'm not sure if I'm making this post for me or for you guys, but at least this is a chronicle of the issue in case anyone asks me about it later. After my last update, there was silence for a while. Then my stepmother sent me a Christmas card with another letter inside it. But I'm sure that particular irony was lost on her. In it, she explained what she was going to use the money for.

10:42 health insurance payments. And once again, acting like this money is what's keeping her from the brink of starvation. This letter, however, had a return address. So I did what any red-blooded millennial would do and Googled it. One visit to the county deed website later confirmed for me that she has bought a beach house. So she is doing fine money-wise.

11:04 She's got beach house money.

11:06 Well, it's not on the beach. It's a beach town, being purposely vague here, for $ 745, 000. She ended the letter by saying that she had talked to my cousin, who told her that I saw the money as being able to continue my father's memory, and what she felt I should accept are books, photo albums, etc., because those are my father's memory. But she'll discard them if she didn't hear from me by the end of the year, because it just proves I'm all about the money and nothing else.

11:35 That's so stupid.

11:37 Dang, sounds like your cousin is... Your cousin doesn't have all the lights on upstairs, sounds like.

11:43 I'm sure the irony of me being all about the money while offering to replace it with material things while really, really wanting me to give her money is also lost on her. Also, the attempting to sell me memories was a nice touch. As I finally had an address to respond to, I wrote what my BFF described as the most polite bridge burning ever and sent it off before her deadline. She called yesterday, which I did not answer.

12:07 She left a message saying that she just received my letter that day. I know the USPS sucks right now, but almost two weeks for a letter? And to call her back so she could clear some things up. Her tone was very hostile, so I'm disinclined to call her back. Honestly, I don't really want to hear what she has to say, and I'm not sure why she would think I would. Like, there's really nothing she could say that would convince me to give her the money, and she'll probably just yell at me like I'm the kid she still thinks I am.

12:35 Hopefully this doesn't escalate, but if it does, you know I'll update, and we've got an update.

12:41 Oh, it escalated.

12:42 It's escalating. More than four years later. That's a lot of time.

12:47 Okay.

12:47 The good news is there's been no news. I haven't heard a peep from Betty since that last attempted phone call in 2021. I had a sort of close call when my uncle's widow passed away in 2023, and I went home for the funeral. But Betty didn't go, so we didn't run into her. My husband and I moved closer to his work, because if we'd stayed in our old house, he'd only get to see the baby about an hour a day. Now his commute is 20 to 30 minutes each way, instead of over an hour. I'm sure if the new house news filtered to Betty, she'll have assumed that we use the IRA as a down payment.

13:19 She looked down on my husband for being blue-collar, And it never would have occurred to her that he already owned a house. Al and I decided that he would keep the car and any proceeds from it. And I'd keep the IRA just so we didn't have to keep juggling money around because they were basically worth the same.

13:35 I promised myself that half of anything I took out of it would go into my daughter's college fund. Those contributions plus what we put in each month means she has a little over $ 20, 000. Not bad for a four-year-old. She can go to a very respectable community college. Really annoying that a four-year-old's doing better than me, but that's all right.

13:55 She can go to Aruba.

13:57 Aruba or Jamaica. Ooh, I want to take her money. My little preemie is no longer a baby. She's starting pre-K in the fall, and I can't believe the little potato I was baking while all this drama was happening is a little personality of her own. As far as my stepmother, I wonder sometimes if I'll even get notified when she passes away. Well, I guess technically if I'm a beneficiary, I would have to be notified, but I'm sure I've been written out of the will by now.

14:25 No skin off my nose. Yeah, you got $ 55, 000. What I want to know is, I mean, okay, like I guess if OP had given the money back, would they have been, you know, guaranteed to get a certain amount of money? Because it seems like that will was a lot more. Like it seems like it might have been over $ 5 million.

14:47 Yeah, the estate.

14:48 The entire estate. So, like, could OP have gotten more if she gave back the $ 55, 000? Or could, you know, her stepmom just have taken all that money?

15:00 I have no idea.

15:01 I bet she would have just taken it all. She's not going to give you anything, that's for sure.

15:06 Yeah, I guess it's better to have $ 55, 000 and not deal with your stepmom.

15:11 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

15:15 My sister has been selfish for months, so my little brother gave her a taste of it.

15:20 It's probably served cold. I.

15:23 21 female, was calling my mom, and during part of the call, she mentioned that my sister, Macy, who is a junior in high school, has been making candy and desserts a lot, but often saying that other people cannot share most of the final product. For example, if she made chocolate chip cookies using family ingredients, she always put them off limits beyond a certain amount for our 13-year-old brother and our parents. And our parents just went with it.

15:48 Even she kept half or most of the batch.

15:51 Oh, so she's not sharing. Why are they saying it weird like this?

15:55 I told my mom that was weird because, for example, if my siblings wanted to get cookies from the store and not share freely, there's always been a rule they'd have to buy those themselves. Except in special cases where my mom might offer to let each kid choose one item of their own. So, like, weird that Macy gets to make cookies using family ingredients and then say she's barely sharing with anybody. Apparently, she doesn't wash the dishes and mixing bowls she uses either because her only dish-related chore is taking dishes.

16:23 Out of the dishwasher and not putting them in.

16:25 My mom said she'd have to think about that, and then we started talking about unrelated things.

16:30 By the way, this.

16:31 Comes from SchrodingersCat42, and if you want to spend your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

16:37 I'm Savannah.

16:38 I'm Riley.

16:39 And we're here to give some good advice, but we don't have all your answers.

16:42 We're only going to tell you what we would do, so let us know what you would do down in the comments. Macy ended up getting mad at me later because she says that now she has to pay for ingredients if she insists on limiting the amount that other people are allowed to take. She says other people could bake more if they wanted. She says that she wants to set some things aside for her lunchbox or for days when she doesn't want to bake and she should be able to do that if she cooked them without wondering if someone ate them already.

17:09 You did kind of snitch on her, so.

17:11 Can't blame her.

17:12 Yeah okay now i see she's like okay i bake them so that i can have them like you guys can have some of them but i want most okay wait so i think this is not selfish i think this is just she's making it and she's giving you some it's not like she's making it and saying off limits no one can have any you get a little bit you don't need all of it you.

17:29 Know disagree op you're the snitch.

17:31 I told her to talk to our parents because i didn't make the role and she said yeah but you convinced them So am I the a-hole for saying it was weird that Macy was allowed to bake with communal ingredients and put the products off limits?

17:45 One simple quote right here.

17:47 You ready?

17:48 Yeah.

17:49 Overthinking is a thief of joy.

17:51 I feel like I should add this to my post. A big problem with the previous system, which yes, I did also bring up to her mom in the call.

17:59 Previous system. You called it a product.

18:03 Like, my God. Why is this such a big deal? Just buy cookies if you want them.

18:07 This is important to Opie. I'll tell you. It's her biggest problem in her life. We'll give it to her.

18:13 A big problem with the previous system is that Macy would use up chocolate chips or butter or something and leave dirty mixing bowls and then tell 13 male Max that either he couldn't have any cookies or that he could only have a very limited amount and then no more the next day with the chocolate chips and butter still gone. Max also cooks and bakes, and he shares, by the way. But he was unable to bake any cookies for himself in situations where Macy used up necessary ingredients and then said no to him when he wanted cookies.

18:43 Oh, I see now. I didn't know other people were needing cookies. Okay, she is a knight. She serves justice. I like Opie. Opie's growing on me now.

18:55 I think it's just petty.

18:57 It's just, you know, if they both like to bake, sometimes ingredients run out. Just buy extras next time.

19:03 But you do not see it is not as simple as this.

19:06 There's more to this.

19:08 Our parents tried buying more of those ingredients, but they just got used up faster. Little hoarder.

19:16 Oh, we have a thief too now.

19:20 So now I'm more on your side because now she's just using them up and not giving anyone anything.

19:25 That's rude. We got more context.

19:27 And our mom thinks it would be ridiculous to buy more than a certain number of bags of chocolate chips per grocery trip.

19:33 Mother, I'm trying to run a business. 100 bags of chocolate chips.

19:39 Now I know that. Edit number two.

19:43 Context of it.

19:44 I feel like Max has a disadvantage when it comes to access to limited ingredients because he has been with school, etc. More often than Macy. He does have free time to cook and bake, but there is a good chance that something he wanted to use may be gone by then.

19:59 Simple solution here, I feel.

20:01 Hide him.

20:03 I feel like if Macy's restricting what Max can bake this much by quickly using up limited ingredients, and he's had to wash her dirty mixing bowls at least once before, then she should not be placing heavy restrictions on how much of the final product he can eat, or even not allowing him to have any at all. It's just not fair to him.

20:22 Okay. All right.

20:23 I see your point of view. I thought you were being a little bit petty at first. I'm on your side, Opie.

20:29 And at number three, I've had at least one question about their allowance. If I'm remembering correctly, with chores and good behavior and enough piano practice, they can earn up to $ 42 a week. They are religious and pay tithing, but it still comes out to about $ 38 after everything. Extra info, both children often bake with box mixes of muffins and brownies. The longest recipes are fairly standard ones for chocolate chip cookies.

20:55 Oh, and there's an update.

20:57 What?

20:58 This medieval thing I've been making up, we might not be far from it.

21:02 Oh my god.

21:04 Because if they are religious and it seems like the boy is doing more work, like schoolwork and things and probably working out in the fields more and Macy's more at home, they might be Amish. That's probably the tism I am on.

21:18 They could be Amish.

21:19 They could be.

21:21 There's an update here.

21:22 Macy was really frustrated with the idea of having to pay for ingredients if she didn't want to share. and she pressured Max into agreeing to switch back to the old system, which got our parents to also agree. Max told Macy it wasn't fair because she would use up ingredients and prevent him from baking what he wanted, while also saying he could barely have any of what she made.

21:44 But Macy didn't listen. Max caves kind of easily, which is why he agreed to go back to the old way, even though he had hated it. Before Macy asked our parents about going back to the old rules, Max texted Macy that he would behave like she did if that happened.

21:59 That was unusually gutsy for him to say. Macy left him on read.

22:04 Max woke up early the next morning and baked a lot. It was the day after a shopping trip, so all four bags of chocolate chips were available, and he used them all up just like Macy always did. He made his preferred chocolate chip cookie recipe, boxed muffins, and peppermint bark. For those of you wondering, yeah, there are a few desserts that get made over and over and over there.

22:25 Hmm.

22:26 Max set aside most of everything for himself, which is what Macy usually does. He gave Macy the amount of everything that she usually gives him. Example, two cookies from the whole batch. He dumped the dirty bowls and tools into the sink like Macy did instead of making sure they.

22:41 Got clean like he typically would.

22:43 After school, Macy wanted to make something, but there were no chocolate chips for her to bake cookies with, and the muffins had already been made. She wanted to make pancakes, but the necessary bowls and things were dirty. She asked Max to clean them, but he walked away and locked himself in his room. She yelled her question about cleaning them through the door, and he responded over text that maybe he would when she did.

23:04 Don't like how the way Macy's moving here. She's manipulating little old Max here. Not a fan.

23:10 No, well.

23:11 And Max is speaking up for himself, but Macy's not hearing it.

23:14 Yeah, which she's just getting a taste of her own medicine. But I think this whole thing is just like out of proportion for no reason. But I guess baking is a big part of their family.

23:22 Yeah, dude.

23:23 My question, where's all this bacon going?

23:26 I know.

23:27 Is Macy making all this stuff, taking it to school and getting a little cha-ching on the side? I don't know.

23:33 I mean, could be, I guess.

23:35 I could see that happening.

23:36 Now, Macy is complaining that this system is also unfair, even though it was what she said she wanted. I had nothing to do with what Max did today, but she blames his actions on me because she heard me telling him I was proud of him for standing up for himself.

23:51 Yeah, dude. What?

23:53 You want your little brother not to stand up to people? Macy, you don't understand how impressionable he is at his age. This system must crash.

24:01 It took him forever to get to this point. But I really didn't tell him what to do. I only found out about it during a phone call.

24:08 Within the last hour.

24:09 I told Macy that, and she says that even if it's true, which she doubts, then I'm still the a-hole for giving an encouraging reaction to petty behavior.

24:21 So am I. And there's another edit.

24:24 At first you were, but after seeing that you were standing up for your younger brother Max, I'm not the a-hole anymore. You taught him a valuable lesson. What are you talking about?

24:32 Yeah, I think now he can, you know, stand his ground and he can give her a taste of what she's been doing for like to him for a while.

24:41 So at the ripe age of 13.

24:44 He's learning quick edits.

24:46 By the way, our mom finally agreed to the idea I had previously suggested about just dividing baking goods from the beginning among whoever wants them in the future. If a dozen muffins get baked, everyone will have three since there are four people put into a container with their name on it.

25:02 There is now also a rule that whoever bakes has to wash the dishes they use unless a different agreement is made in advance.

25:09 Let's go add it to the SOP. I like it.

25:13 The agreements are just crazy.

25:15 Your poor parents.

25:17 I want to talk to them.

25:19 Parents are just like, yep, that's good.

25:21 All right.

25:21 Oh, you want to do this?

25:22 All right.

25:22 Back to the old system. Oh, you want a new one?

25:24 Sure.

25:25 Let's try that. It's just like they don't care. They're like, figure it out.

25:29 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

25:33 I decided to move out with my girlfriend, and my mother threatened to disown me over it?

25:38 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

25:39 What are we doing here?

25:41 I'm 24 Mel, turning 25 years old in two days. For the past almost six years since the age of 19... I've been working at my parents' restaurant, 56 female and 51 male, since it first opened. For the first three to four years, it's been a great opportunity to learn how not only to work at a restaurant, but also how to run a business. I earned my bachelor's in business management slash administrative on the side. Dude, this guy comes with 30 years of experience.

26:11 That's nice.

26:12 However, I've gotten to a point where I want to work somewhere else and start building my own life with my partner. After applying to jobs for six months, I just accepted a job offer for a sales management trainee at Enterprise. I start July 20th. This will be my first real job outside of my parents. I will tell my parents the news this Monday, July 13th, my 25th birthday is And I will also announce that I am moving and will have my stuff moved by the end of the week before I start my new job the following Monday. I want to move into her apartment ASAP and then propose within the next month or two.

26:49 Oh my, by the way, this comes from Dingo Bungo Dude.

26:52 And if you want to speak your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Riley.

26:57 And I'm Savannah.

26:58 And we're going to read this story. goofy story here about this man moving 100 miles an hour towards life. And if you have anything you'd like to add, please let us know. I want to know when you got married. It's probably going to be like 32 by the time I get married.

27:12 I don't know if I'll ever get married, but I'm honestly, I'm kind of cool with that.

27:16 Opie says, I've been with my girlfriend, 24 female, for four and a half years. However, we did have a five-month breakup. We broke up because I've been prioritizing my family slash the restaurant. more over her, and this hurt her deeply.

27:30 I see.

27:31 I see. This sounds like something you'd come back from.

27:34 Yeah, of course.

27:36 I feel like, you know, it's only five months, and if that's the biggest issue, now you're finding a new job.

27:41 Yeah! My mom would always be having me do chores if I'm not at work, and her chores, needs, and lectures would frequently cut time into my relationship. When we broke up, I spiraled into heavy drinking, devil's lettuce smoking, and some other substances. At my lowest point, I was watching tons of corn and attempted to see escorts, but I backed out every time. I even got escorted for $ 1, 500 by one for backing out. I took an STD test to prove that I didn't do anything. I was clean.

28:14 Dang. I mean, this guy does not stop. If anything, Opie is determined.

28:19 My girlfriend texted me and said she'd like to see me again, but just for coffee. We ended up talking about everything that happened and decided to try again. My girlfriend saw the pain I was in and reacted with love and compassion, not judgment and scorn. This is how I knew that she truly loved me. I saw a TikTok today that said you're not picking your partner for the best day of your life. You're picking your partner for the worst day of your life because that's when they're really going to be there.

28:46 And that's truthfully very true. And that's really nice.

28:50 This time I realized I must fight for the life that I truly want. I told my mom we got back together and she flipped the F out. My parents would guilt trip me. My mom especially would tell me that I'm abandoning my family and ruining every holiday and every time I've hinted at moving in with my girlfriend or getting a new job. Both of my parents are telling me we're not going to have a penny to save and that we're wasting it all on rent. My girlfriend is an RN and is making about $ 2, 600 bi-weekly.

29:21 She's able to save up $ 1, 000 a month alone. I will be moving in and making roughly about $ 1, 700 bi-weekly. I haven't started the job yet, but this is an estimate based on my wage, the hours with overtime, and a rough estimate after taxes. My parents are telling me that I should tell my girlfriend to move into their house once their lease is up you guys will actually save a lot more money we won't bother you we won't charge you rent etc mom you made me break up with my girlfriend you're the reason we got broken up mom I mean, I don't.

29:53 Think it was technically like she didn't say, oh, you need to break up with her.

29:56 You know, never done that.

29:57 Like she he was just more focused on the family business.

30:01 OK, cause and effect cause.

30:04 Do my chores do all these things affect break up with girlfriend?

30:08 But now they're back together.

30:09 And honestly, I kind of agree with the parents. I mean, they're trying to just save you money if they're. But if if it's going to cause issues within the relationship, then no.

30:18 My mom straight up told me that my girlfriend is fat and a C word right to my face when I told her that I was looking for a job outside the restaurant and just want to move out because it's just a job and not a career.

30:32 Nope.

30:33 And now I'm not moving in with you. That solidified it.

30:36 She accused her of being on substances because she had a strong drink at a family wedding and threw up. Everyone was drinking at the wedding and there were multiple open bars. My mom brings up this incident from three years ago to this day. She frequently calls my girlfriend a control freak. Yeah, my partner who treats me with love, respect, and autonomy a control freak? Sounds like heavy projection.

31:00 Oh, well.

31:01 Okay, he sees it.

31:02 Yeah, this could have been bad. It looks like it's going in the right direction.

31:06 Oh, here's dad's point of view. Dad tells me how evil everyone is and that we're, my parents, me, and my older brother, the only good people in this world.

31:15 However.

31:16 It seems that the outside world has treated me better and more like an adult with dignity than my own family. My brother, 26 male, has been good to me though. He supports my relationship, respects my girlfriend, and treats her like a sister. And she also treats him well too. My girlfriend's family is also very nice and supportive of my adulthood. I'm in an environment where I have to walk on eggshells all the time. I'm constantly evaluated. Every choice, every decision I make is a mistake, apparently. I know I'm not right about everything and I know I'm going to make some mistakes, but that's the beauty of doing your own thing. Heck yes, dude.

31:55 This guy is very philosophical.

31:57 He's one of the good ones.

31:58 The only good one left, apparently.

32:00 I get to live up with the pros and cons of my own decision as a 25-year-old man. You're 24.

32:06 You're 24.

32:06 Don't you do that.

32:07 No, he's 25 now. No, in two days he is.

32:08 He's 24.

32:09 He turned 25.

32:09 He said he's turning.

32:10 25 in two days. He's still 24.

32:18 I swear he said.

32:19 Up, up.

32:21 You want to read it back? You want to read it back? All right, here we go. I'm 24 male turning 25 in two days.

32:27 Okay, but then in the middle of that, when he tells his mom he wants to move out.

32:31 He said he wants to do it on his 25th birthday, July 13th. He wrote this on July 11th.

32:36 Oh, so he hasn't. Okay.

32:39 Update. Today is my 25th birthday.

32:43 He made it.

32:45 I spent the weekend at my girlfriend's place. I came back to work today to announce that I will be leaving for a new job next week and starting to move my stuff out.

32:54 All right.

32:55 My parents were okay with me changing jobs, but they both don't agree with the move. My question, are you paying rent to your parents?

33:03 I don't think so. I doubt it.

33:05 We don't know, but that's what I would like to know. Because if he's paying like 500 or 600, 800 bucks and he's leaving. And they're running their own business, and I don't think it's very profitable right now?

33:16 That's not his burden to bear. That's a family business. He got out of the family business, and then he found a new thing, and that shouldn't affect him at all.

33:24 My dad has been calm and respectful, although still strongly discouraging me from moving. My mom, however, went crazy. Tons of screaming, insults, guilt-tripping, and even threats. She took away my birthday presents from her right in front of me?

33:39 Oh, dang.

33:41 Honestly, that'd probably be something my mom would do.

33:45 Dude, I got something to say after this. I talked to my mom. So I had a conversation with my mom. I was like, Mom, how come me and my brother have already moved out and a lot of other people haven't? And they're like, well, some parents like to have their kids dependent on them. That's not how we roll. Nope, not gonna do that.

34:03 My....

34:05 Mom likes to keep a leash on all of us.

34:08 My mother is threatening to disown me. She even threatened to call the police on me for stealing the car. In context, my current car is illegally under my dad's name, but I'm a driver on the insurance. It's like a company car that my parents help pay for as long as I work at the restaurant. I promised my dad that I would make sure they have the car back by the end of the week, and he said that's fine.

34:29 I'm happy my dad has actually been pretty reasonable, unlike my mom. My girlfriend and I will work on getting a car loan for me. I was able to get about half of my belongings, my birth certificate, and my social. I couldn't find my passport. I think it's expired. This whole thing has been an effing mess. At least it'll be over soon. Update two. Okay, mom is still pissed, but she at least apologized for threatening to call the police and still gave me my birthday presents. Call the police to get you to stay? Or the car thing?

34:59 I don't know.

35:00 I think it was a car thing.

35:01 It would have to be because you can't be like, my son wants to move out.

35:05 He needs to sleep right here. This is his spot.

35:09 That's not illegal.

35:11 That makes me feel better, but it's been very hard to deal with her. I got about half of my stuff moved in last night. I will finish working at the restaurant until Friday, but I will have everything moved out by Friday night and start my new job Monday.

35:25 And he doesn't stop. If he wants something, he gets it. That's true.

35:29 He's so, this guy's so encouraged by this.

35:32 But how do we just blow past the escort thing?

35:34 He just like mentioned it on the whim. You know how crazy that is?

35:37 Yeah.

35:38 Yeah, I was thinking about hiring escorts and I just couldn't do it. It's crazy, bro.

35:43 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

35:47 Hey, it's Carly, Keon's girlfriend, here.

35:49 We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

35:54 I treated myself to something expensive. My boyfriend tried to take it away from me. Excuse me, my money, my rules. I, 24 female, live with my boyfriend, 27 male. For some context, we've been dating for four years and living together for eight months. We live in an apartment I inherited along with one more other house that I rent out and some cash inheritance. Now on to the story. Me and my boyfriend both love playing video games. We both have full-time jobs, but still find time to play together as well as separately with our own friends. He is a much better player than I am. He plays tournaments and competitions where I just play for fun. A few months ago, my boyfriend started talking about some new PC and other

36:34 items he wanted to upgrade his setup and how he was saving up for it. I was okay with it since we have separate finances. He doesn't pay for the utilities but splits groceries, which wasn't an issue because I had extra income from the rental property. I thought I could use my inheritance money and get myself an expensive set upgrade as well. By the way, this comes from Gamer Girl, Am I the A-hole? And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

36:57 I'm Sophia.

36:57 And I'm Savannah. And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. I took suggestions from YouTube and some friends. I scheduled the delivery for the day that I knew he won't be home all day. The setup came, they sent someone from the store to set it up for me. I used the PC for a while and it was amazing. My boyfriend came home during the evening and saw my new PC. I was so excited to see his reaction, but his face remained very dull. He looked at me and asked why I was on my side of the room. I told him because it's mine.

37:30 He asked me to confirm that I bought his dream PC setup for myself. And I said, yeah. He got visibly mad, but then said, it's useless for you. We should just swap. You don't play well and won't be able to use it to its full potential.

37:44 You could have mine.

37:44 At first, I just laughed. because I genuinely thought he was joking. But when I realized he was being serious, I told him, no, I said that I bought this for me. He blew up at me and told me that I need to buy the same one for him as well. When I said, no, again, he started yelling about how unfair I was being and how I wouldn't be able to appreciate technology like that since I'm too dumb to even understand the specs. By that point, I was losing my crap, so I told him to get out.

38:08 He grabbed a few items and left to stay with his best friend. Now his best friend and a few other people are blowing up my phone saying that as a girl I shouldn't own something so expensive that I don't understand and I could buy him the same setup since I can afford it due to the inheritance. don't have any loans, so it's not like I'm saving the money for something particular in the future, which is making me doubt if I was the a-hole. No, him and his friends are just misogynistic. And jealous beyond compare.

38:35 Yeah, don't worry.

38:36 Edit, everyone's saying that it's kind of my fault for buying the exact same setup he told me about and flaunting it in his face. I do understand your point and take responsibility for it, but he never really mentioned any specific models. Like he would say how this brand has launched some really powerful items in the past few years, or how That brand is such amazing monitors. I did know the brands he was referring to, but when it came to purchasing, I depended on YouTube reviews and suggestions from my gaming friend. Why would you not buy the recommendations he said were good? Yeah, like then he, I feel like this is a trap. Either way, he's going to be upset. Yeah.

39:09 Like you could have taken all of his advice and still got it for yourself and he would have been mad and you could have taken his advice and got it for him.

39:16 And I feel like he still would have found a way to like be mad about it. This is lose-lose situation. It was purely a coincidence that happened to be exactly what he wanted. I do understand that I should have been maybe more aware, but I genuinely didn't know that it would offend him since I wasn't doing it out of spite. Exactly.

39:33 As a partner, you don't do things out of spite and he shouldn't take it that way. You wanted a new gaming system. You had enough money. You did, you know, you happen to get the one that he wanted. Why isn't he happy for you?

39:44 That's weird. If anything, at the back of my mind, I had thought that We could have twin setups eventually and make cheesy TikTok videos on weekends. Well, you're just going to be making a video on your breakup. So there is an update. What do you think?

39:57 I think it's over.

39:57 Yeah. He is a censored word that I cannot say. But yeah, I hate him.

40:03 The fact that like, even if I got the same thing as you, why are you not happy about?

40:07 I'd be like, oh my gosh. Yeah, we get to play together. Like, oh my gosh, you got such a cool model. That's exactly what I wanted. No way you got it.

40:14 Oh my gosh.

40:14 Could I like play it once? Yeah, could I borrow?

40:16 No.

40:16 Could I see if I would like it?

40:17 Yeah.

40:18 Or like, oh my gosh, we could play together. You know, all this stuff. No, he immediately. He called you stupid. He said you were too dumb to know how to use it.

40:25 Yeah.

40:26 He's like, you're not even that good at video games. You won't even use it to its full potential.

40:29 There is an update though. It's 11 PM here right now. And I'm kind of shocked at everything that happened today. I made the original post in the morning before I left for work. While I was at work, I received an alert for my security system. I checked my front door cam and saw my boyfriend at the door walking in with his keys. Something didn't feel right, so I checked the camera in our game room. We set it up months ago because he wanted us to do streams.

40:51 I had set it up this morning before leaving just in case. Now I feel so much better that I did. I see him trying to unplug my monitor and I immediately call the police. By the time I reached home, two officers are waiting outside my door with my boyfriend. He claimed that he was just at the apartment to get some stuff like clothes and other essentials. I had no energy to argue, so I just showed the camera footage and he starts apologizing. He goes on and on about how his friends riled him up to steal my system to teach me a lesson. That's not illegal. Oh, so police, police, you just admitted. Yeah, what bothers me the most is that all this while he hadn't texted me once. Not a single call or anything. His first

41:31 instinct was to break into my apartment. The cops asked me if I wanted to press charges and I said no. I know most of you will not be happy with this, but I kind of want to be done with this thing. Get out of there.

41:42 Get out of there.

41:43 I know you inherited that apartment, but... Oh, well, no, you could just change the locks. That's true. Yeah, you could just change the locks. duh but we got a little bit left i asked for my key back and told him that i will send his pc and other stuff to whatever address he wants later but i don't want him or his friends to come over and if i receive a single accusatory text from him or friends then i will go ahead and press charges he kept trying to apologize but i stood my ground i'm genuinely surprised at how i didn't break down in front of him I'm still in disbelief at how my four year long relationship just crumbled in 24 hours. I called my mom and she's on her way to my place. She'll be staying the night as I no longer feel safe

42:22 in my own home. I just want to thank everyone who texted me and gave me advice. I'm taking the day off tomorrow and I will be changing the locks and sending him his stuff back tomorrow. And that's the end of that story. Good thinking. You survived and you got a new PC out of it. Yeah, just keep his.

42:38 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

42:41 My boyfriend expected me to pick up after him. He called it showing love. Why don't you show yourself out? I, 23 female, have been with my boyfriend, 29 male, for one and a half years now. And we recently moved in together. I'm hoping to get some advice on the division of household labor and what's considered... as this is my first time living with a partner. First of all, I am so excited to be living with my boyfriend.

43:05 Waking up in the same space every day is what I have dreamed of, and it's so nice to be able to come home and know that he will be there. That being said, we've lived together for about three months now, and I'm realizing that we have a Huge difference of opinions on how household chores should be handled. Should we have discussed this before moving in together?

43:24 Absolutely.

43:24 And I now feel silly for not doing so. I had this mistaken impression that things would kind of fall into place and we would help each other out and adhere to common sense cleaning practices.

43:34 Boy, was I wrong. Basically, my boyfriend does not clean.

43:38 I learned after the first two weeks that if I didn't clean something, it would just sit there indefinitely. Mail piling up on the counter, dishes crowding the sink, trash can overflowing. I'm a pretty easygoing person, so I can handle clutter and not be phased, but this is really frustrating. He seemed enthusiastic and nice enough when I asked him to clean certain things, but then he just wouldn't do it we recently got into an argument about this and i'm wondering if my boyfriend's overall attitude slash perspective is one that's just totally unreasonable by the way this comes from both tells 75 19 and if you want to spend your own stories go to the r slash showcase story time subreddit i'm savannah i'm sophia and we had

44:17 to talk about some stuff get some advice you better tell us what you do because we're going to tell us what we're doing i asked him how we could more effectively divide up household responsibilities so things stay clean and organized Again, I don't care about having a perfect home, just a decent one.

44:31 Life happens and I like a place that looks lived in.

44:34 And he told me that if he was being blunt and honest, he thought cleaning was a waste of his time and mental energy. And if he has to focus on slash think about cleaning, he's draining valuable mental energy that could be put towards his side hustle projects.

44:49 And immediately I'm saying, well, I don't want to live in a house that's dirty. So you have two options. You move out or you get a cleaner.

44:56 Yeah.

44:56 Because that's why people hire cleaners, because they're like, well, I don't my time would be better off spend doing that.

45:01 Yeah.

45:02 OK, good.

45:03 So then spend the time doing that. But either your home's going to be nasty or you hire someone.

45:07 To do it.

45:08 Yeah. Yeah.

45:08 You either have to spend the time or the money. True.

45:10 He is trying to start his own company, but rarely, if ever, actually works on it. He then outright said he expects me to pick up after him and that in doing so, I'm showing my love and respect. This all sent me reeling. And I've been kind of keeping my distance and figuring out what I should do. Don't want to spend any portion of my life cleaning up after a grown man. But this attitude from my boyfriend is truly shocking. And that's why I'm struggling with it and wondering if it's a deal breaker or if we can work through it and come to a compromise. I've always known and seen him as a very progressive person who actively fights against old school violence. misogynistic mindsets, and believes in a more utopian world where gender differences don't

45:51 define us.

45:52 Yeah, he's like, it's not because you're a woman, it's because I'm better than you.

45:55 His attitude is a total 180 from his usual take on life and the world. If you're wondering how I never picked up on any of this before we moved in together... He lived with his parents and their house was always spotless. I'm now suspicious that his mom was doing all the cleaning. Nowadays, I feel like people live with their parents for a while until moving out just because of financial reasons and stuff, which I understand. But if you're doing it because you want mommy to pick up after you and you come home to a clean room and clean underwear because you can't. you're too lazy to do it yourself that is a red flag.

46:28 And genuinely anyone out there if you know like a guy who has been living at home and he's you know almost 30 you should ask his mom who does the cleaning just be like oh like hey does he ever help you who cleans.

46:41 So yeah, my question is, have you ever dealt with something like this? And is it possible to reason with someone and come to an agreement slash compromise?

46:49 What might that compromise look like? Is this a lost cause?

46:52 I love my boyfriend so much, but this has tarnished my respect for him and I just feel awful.

46:57 Update eight days later. I have since left the relationship. Yeah, I suspected that.

47:04 Staying with my parents until I can effectively get the lease broken. And I came back to Reddit to read through the comments and remind myself that I made the right choice. I told him as nicely as I could that I didn't think he was acting like an adult and that we needed to come up with a solution where we were both contributing to household responsibilities. I suggested we both decide on chores we prefer doing to divide things up evenly. Example, I handle laundry, he handles vacuuming or whatever. Or we could agree on a general standard of cleanliness to help each other follow and uphold. His response was that this would make him feel like we were roommates.

47:39 And not partners.

47:40 I tried to get him to explain this to me in more detail, but this devolved into him telling me that I'm starting to feel like a burden to him And that moving in together was a huge mistake.

47:50 You're feeling like a burden to him?

47:52 Yeah.

47:52 He's a little man baby. Because he can't put his, like, laundry in the hamper.

47:57 Yeah.

47:58 Because he can't fold and dry his own clothes. Clean some dishes.

48:01 Yeah.

48:02 He can't vacuum the floor once in a while.

48:04 It felt like I was talking to someone I didn't even know or recognize.

48:08 He told me, what good are you to me if you can't clean and take care of me? And that was the final straw for me. I mean, that was completely the right decision. Yeah, I agree. I back you 1000%, OP.

48:20 I truly feel like moving in together brought out a side in my ex-boyfriend. that I never knew existed. How did I not see this before? How did my gut pick up on it? I feel really sad and I worry that I actually projected all of my loving feelings onto the relationship and failed to realize how he felt towards me. I feel disrespected and totally haunted by the entire situation. I haven't stopped crying for three days. Thank you again to everyone who helped me see the situation for what it was. And thank you for reading. Maybe all the details of this don't matter or are only really important to me, but being able to share this here is really helpful to my current state of pain. Aww.

48:56 Not your current state of pain, OP. You know what? Go you, though. Because you saw the problem and immediately handled it.

49:02 Exactly.

49:03 And we read so many stories that people are just complicit or just like, I know a lot of you said for me to do it, but I just couldn't.

49:10 So I've been in the relationship for 10 years. Yeah.

49:13 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

49:16 I refuse to move.

49:17 Into my boyfriend's dream apartment because his parents live next door.

49:21 Ew, I hate them!

49:23 Me, female 22, and my boyfriend, male 22, are moving in together. We've been apartment hunting this week and found a couple suitable options. There's one apartment I really like, apartment 1, that is around 110 square meters.

49:35 And rent would be $ 1, 400.

49:36 This apartment is located in a nice neighborhood around 10 blocks from my parents' house. I like this apartment because the price is good for the size and location and it's also.

49:45 quite pretty. My boyfriend, however, prefers.

49:47 Another apartment, apartment two, that's around 140 square meters and rent is around 1600. The apartment's in the middle of the city we live in and literally next door to his parents' house. As in, if we sit at the balcony and look to the right, we can see and talk to his parents on their own balcony. My issue with apartment two is that it's not very nice looking on the inside. It's an older building, so the tiles in the kitchen and bathrooms are very out dated, and worn.

50:12 It comes with some furniture even my grandma would have gotten rid of already. The kitchen is all mismatched as if it was fixed by someone who took apart another kitchen and reused the parts.

50:22 And by the way, this comes from The Two Shoes Girl. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to our subreddit. I'm Dakota.

50:29 And I'm Savannah.

50:29 And we're going to read this story and have our thoughts. And you get to have yours in the comments. It's overall not a nice looking apartment. And for me to be happy in it, I would need to change pretty much everything. I'm an interior designer. The look of my own apartment is important to me. But that would also be quite expensive to do. And there are certain things we wouldn't be able to change because it's a rental and the owner would not allow it. But my boyfriend still really wants it because it's very center of the city, close to where he does language classes and a big supermarket he likes to shop at. And apartment one would be about a kilometer or two away from these things.

51:01 He uses his mom's car, but she said he can't take it if he moves out, even if she does not drive. Apartment one is not available for visitation yet, and apartment two needs to be rented today or tomorrow. I need an answer soon, and I'm afraid I'm being unreasonable if I say no.

51:17 There's an update four days later.

51:19 You're both living in this apartment, so one, you both have a say in it.

51:22 Yeah.

51:22 And two, if you don't want to live by his parents, just say that.

51:25 You also don't have to move in together.

51:27 I mean, or just be like, okay, we can't pick out of these two. Let's look for another one. But I'm sure you've gone through like, you know, a billion apartments already being like, this one, this one, this one.

51:36 So I get the struggle, but.

51:38 Well, I doubt it's... I don't actually think that because they said we've been apartment hunting for the last week.

51:42 So it's only been a week. Keep hunting. That's what I would say. Just keep looking.

51:45 I met with my boyfriend the day I made the post and we had a very long discussion about the whole apartment situation. And by the end of it, we decided to go with apartment one. I must point out that at this point, we had not seen any of the apartments in person, only through pictures. We had a scheduled visit for apartment two the next morning and we didn't know when apartment one would be available for visitation.

52:04 Morning comes and we visit apartment two. We didn't want to cancel last minute and it was not as bad as the pictures made it look. My boyfriend absolutely loved it and I was pleasantly surprised by it. After we leave, I get a call that apartment one is available for visitation and we could go in immediately.

52:19 So off we went and saw that one too. It was not Very good.

52:22 Pictures of apartments really are deceiving, y'all. It felt very small, despite it saying it was 110 square meters. The bedrooms were so tiny our bed barely fit in the master one, and our closet and desk did not fit in the second one. Also, the balcony was over a neighbor's house, and we could fully see into their living room, which is kind of awkward. It also probably had very thin walls as we could hear children running around and yelling as if they were.

52:45 In our own apartment.

52:46 So we both said no to apartment one and ended up going with apartment two.

52:50 We had a meeting with the.

52:51 Owner and he assured us he would get rid of any unwanted furniture and we were welcome to renovate any part of the apartment and he would give us a discount on the rent to cover the costs.

53:00 That's sick.

53:01 Cool landlord alert.

53:02 Yeah, what?

53:02 Nobody freaking does that.

53:03 Cool landlord alert.

53:05 We're working up a contract and will most likely be signing the lease this week. We already have the keys and everything. In regards of my in-laws, we sat down with them for dinner. and we set clear boundaries. We'll be covering the part of the balcony that overlooks theirs, and they will not be getting a copy of our keys, and they are not to expect visits from us too often.

53:25 I'm hopeful and excited at the prospect of this apartment, and even though 98% of you guys told me to run for the hills, I have a good feeling I made the right decision. We just talk about how stupid the internet is sometimes. They're like, run for the hills.

53:38 They probably think, oh, he's a mama's boy.

53:40 He doesn't want to be away from his parents and he needs them. And they're just going to be over your apartment, taking over everything anyway.

53:47 You know, but I mean, it just so happens that they just live right there.

53:52 Yeah. Like you have the conversation.

53:53 You go, hey, we need to set boundaries with your parents so that we still have, you know, independence. Because even though we live next to them, we don't live with them. And if he goes, but, but, but, but, but my mommy's lasagna, she's going to come over and make lasagna every day.

54:06 Then you go, all right, well, that's not really my vibe.

54:09 But I think that you, you set clear boundaries from the beginning. So if they don't listen after that, then it's time to be stern.

54:16 I have a good feeling I made the right decision. Thank you all for your time and your judgment. And unlike your recommendations, we did go with apartment two. Comment number one says, look forward to Am I the A-hole for being annoyed that boyfriend's parents are always in my apartment?

54:28 Opie says, hopefully I won't have to do that. Yeah, hopefully not.

54:31 Yeah, I hope it works out.

54:32 I don't know.

54:33 Like, yeah, they can't just like barge in and have their own keys. But it's like, if they're just there, I don't know.

54:38 Like, what if they want to do a little smexy time?

54:40 What are you talking about? What?

54:42 Talking about if, like, the parents just end up in their house.

54:46 Banging?

54:46 No, and OP and boyfriend want to go.

54:50 Well, that's what I'm saying. They don't have keys.

54:51 Oh.

54:52 I'm just saying. It's like, you'll probably see them a little.

54:55 I mean, yeah, you're going to see them.

54:57 They're your neighbors.

54:57 Yeah.

54:58 What in the heck are you talking about? Well, that's the end of that story.

55:01 My boyfriend keeps lecturing me, even on the subject I got my master's in.

55:06 Hey, who's the master here?

55:08 My boyfriend, 27 male, and I, 26 female, have been together eight months, mostly long distance. I'm in his city for the next couple months for a work placement.

55:17 It's great. We're seeing each other more frequently.

55:20 But I've been feeling a little down about it, and I finally realized it's because he speechifies.

55:27 We had a fantastic date.

55:29 Night last night and it was because he was more out of his own head and we were actually having conversations together instead of him explaining things to me.

55:38 It's how he shares his interests.

55:39 So he usually goes into some minute detail about his work or hobby and explains it in detail. Often it's not relevant to a story or anything. He just enjoys explaining things and talking about his passions.

55:52 Usually I let it go.

55:53 So it means 70% of our conversations are him talking to me about how XYZ thing works. And on rare occasions, he even explains simple things or things which are in my field of study.

56:05 I'll point it out.

56:06 I'll say, uh-huh, I know how to do simple X task, or I actually did my master's on that, remember? But it has the effect of bumming him out because he feels like I don't care about his hobbies, making him embarrassed, which is good. He should feel a little sheepish about explaining my own field to me. And he doesn't seem to register it and kind of just keeps on going.

56:27 By the way, this comes from Not Excused. If you want to submit your own stories, go to our subreddit.

56:31 I'm Dakota.

56:32 I'm Savannah.

56:33 We're going to read this mansplainer story, and I'm going to mansplain my own perspective on it.

56:38 How about you, Savannah?

56:39 No, I'm a woman. I can't do that.

56:41 Well, let us know what you think about this story in the comments and OP says. From what I can tell, it's how he interacts with everyone and how he fills the silence. I'm guessing it's from how his dad talks to him. Their conversations are basically just explaining things back and forth to each other, even though they both know it because their work is the same. He's a little awkward and lacks social awareness and he's neurotic, but I know he's a great guy who cares a lot and is passionate about his interests. He's really sweet and his heart is in the right place on the left side of his body cavity. And there's hope because when he does get out of his own head, we do have great mutual conversations. I'm also worried to introduce him to

57:21 my parents because I'm almost certain he'll do the same thing to them instead of asking them what they do. and otherwise making small talk. How do I bring this up without hurting him and so that he understands how speechifying or over-explaining as conversation is more condescending and feels like I'm watching a speech instead of having a conversation with or listening.

57:42 To a story about my boyfriend?

57:44 Like if he could be saying the exact same words in a class presentation and he's already been talking for 20 minutes.

57:51 He might want to modify a smidge. There's an update. Oh my God, this guy rants for 20 minutes at a time.

57:58 I think he might have some neurodiversions here.

58:02 Yeah, probably.

58:03 Yeah, where he doesn't take into consideration like social cues or anything. And it's just like everything I'm saying is really, really interesting and everyone needs to know. And if I don't explain it right, nobody will know what I'm talking about. So I'm going to over explain it.

58:16 Yeah, I mean.

58:16 And then it becomes like a.

58:17 Whole like, oh, my God, I'm getting a lecture on things I already know. I, for one, have never ranted about anything.

58:24 And that's a lie. I rant about everything.

58:26 I'll catch myself after like a couple minutes instead of 20.

58:29 Me too. And I'll go, oh my God, I'm sorry. Is this the worst? Am I being the worst right now? I'll stop.

58:36 Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, I've talked about myself. How are you doing? What do you do? What things can I get from you now?

58:42 Well, there's a two month update. We had a few conversations about how he spoke to me. One time he started getting emotional and then turned it back on himself about how he can't explain himself well, instead of acknowledging how hurtful it was to me. I spent the hour after making him feel cared for and abandoning the goal of the conversation. The second time was much more productive, but nothing changed. There were other contributing factors, like upcoming long distance and difference of hobbies, and he wasn't taking care of himself physically like he wouldn't brush his teeth.

59:11 But ultimately, I broke up with him. It's been three weeks now. There was a lot of good in the relationship. He was kind and giving and an amazing adventure buddy, but I felt alone and anxious, and like he didn't care to know about me, even though he was a good listener. I need someone who shows act Interest I cried the day of But ever since It feels like a weight Has been lifted I've been chatting on Some dating apps Ew gross Get off of those And I am now Much more aware of people who just talk about themselves. And I'm having some good conversations, though I haven't met up with anyone yet. I'm hopeful for a partner who will be a little.

59:46 More similar to me in communication. And that is the end of that story, folks. The apps are the worst. Get off the apps. Just start talking to strangers.

59:53 I mean, even that is hard. It's just, it'll happen when it happens.

59:56 You know what's the best advice I ever heard for talking to strangers?

59:59 Yeah, what?

1:00:00 Just let it be nothing. Let it be bad. Try to strike up a conversation if it goes absolutely nowhere and that's not your friend now or you don't.

1:00:07 Know, whatever. Just be comfortable having a nothing burger with somebody.

1:00:12 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

1:00:16 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host here.

1:00:19 We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1:00:23 My boyfriend no longer wants to wait for marriage after making me hope.

1:00:28 Oh, he wants to bang?

1:00:29 I've been with my boyfriend, 20 males, since we were 13 and 15.

1:00:35 He's the love of my life. He's attractive. Out of my league, honestly. Kind, empathetic, honest, intelligent, and mature. He's everything I've ever wanted.

1:00:45 I know this sounds silly, but he means so much to me.

1:00:48 I come from a not-so-good background, so... He's the light of my life.

1:00:52 When we were 15 and 17, we decided that we'd wait till we were married to have spicy sleep.

1:00:57 His idea.

1:00:58 And I agreed.

1:00:59 He's been so respectful of my boundaries. Never has he ever pressured me to do anything. But our relationship has been a bit strained this past year. In my senior year of high school, he was already in college in a different state. I feel like the distance harmed us. This summer, he came back to visit me for June to July 4th. Throughout his visit, he didn't sound like himself.

1:01:18 We ended up having a long discussion.

1:01:19 About our relationship.

1:01:20 He said that he felt like we were growing apart physically and emotionally. He didn't want to wait for marriage anymore. The idea of it didn't sit right with him. I was crying at this point and asked if he wanted to have spicy sleep with me. He said, no, he didn't want me to force myself to do something just to have him stay.

1:01:39 By the way, this comes from Lily Crow 0214.

1:01:41 And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

1:01:46 I'm Savannah.

1:01:47 I'm Dakota.

1:01:47 And we're here to talk about some stuff, get some advice, what your job is to do the same thing, but in the comments. He said he'll always love me, but that he just wanted to have a short break. I asked if he met someone else in his college, but he said no. think he has met someone and has already had spicy sleep.

1:02:04 I mean honestly it's possible but i feel like it's equally possible that he's realized that that's just what he wants and he's like i gotta i gotta end this i don't.

1:02:15 Know he reaffirmed that he loved me but that he needed some time alone for himself he said that being apart has made him view things values intimacy etc differently he then packed up said goodbye to me my family his family and left I've been crying four days non-stop.

1:02:30 Food.

1:02:31 Mashed potatoes, grilled chicken, fried onions, and garlic green beans. Update three days later. It's been so freaking hard trying to move on from my 18 female five-year relationship with my ex, 20 male. I still love him so much. He drove five hours down from his campus to see me. My parents are letting him stay.

1:02:48 For the weekend.

1:02:49 I told him he should have called, but he said he needed to see me in person. He apologized for breaking up with me. He lied about wanting to break up. While being away at college, his mind kept telling him that he didn't deserve me. He has depression and anxiety, which is weird since I feel like he's out of my league. He's so convinced that I'd be better off without him. He said he's ashamed for acting selfishly, being dishonest, and letting his insecurities take over. He then gave me his phone to check in case I didn't believe him about the no cheating. I didn't find any evidence of him cheating. I was very thorough. But I did find a private photo album of me he made. He named it My lovely Lilybee. The pictures and videos reminded me

1:03:31 of when we were happy. I don't understand why he feels like he doesn't deserve me. He apologized again for hurting me. He said he'll do the work to get me to trust him and forgive him. I don't know if I can trust and forgive him yet. The topic of celibacy also came up. My views on it have changed. I'll wait until I'm ready, safe, and comfortable to have spicy sleep. That may be when I get married or not.

1:03:52 It's now my choice to choose without shame. This isn't exactly a happy update, but I do have something to celebrate though.

1:04:00 It's a small win.

1:04:00 I have a full ride scholarship to my college this August. It's also the same college my ex goes to.

1:04:06 Oh, well. Like which ex? Like the one we're talking about now? Yes. But are you guys not getting back together?

1:04:14 I think they are.

1:04:15 I don't know what's going on now.

1:04:17 Maybe we'll be in a better place by then. Thank you all for all the advice given to me. As of right now, I'm just focusing on getting ready for college. I'm a little nervous, but excited as well. I think for the remainder of this summer, I should just focus on myself, food, cheesy bread sticks, marinara sauce, and not pictured a Vietnamese avocado smoothie.

1:04:37 Yes, there are pictures of food. We got it. We figured it out.

1:04:40 It's just so random.

1:04:41 There are pictures of food attached. She wasn't just like, I'm sad. I've been eating mashed potatoes and grilled chicken.

1:04:49 I don't know. I still think, I mean, it's sweet.

1:04:51 You guys are trying to figure it out, but I really do think my advice for almost everybody would be like.

1:04:56 Y'all should separate and see how it feels. And like, yeah, I don't know.

1:05:02 Couples, I feel like, especially since they've been in it for so long, since they were, you know, in high school or.

1:05:08 Middle school.

1:05:09 Yeah, middle school. Yeah, like 13.

1:05:10 Yeah.

1:05:11 I just think that there comes a time where if you don't be with other people, if you don't explore, if you don't allow yourself to do that, you're going to resent them later on.

1:05:20 And it happens all the time. We hear it all the time.

1:05:22 And like, there are some stories where like people like, for example, my parents are high school sweethearts. Everyone in my family is a high school sweetheart. But at some point they did break up. Like they did it all throughout high school, broke up, dated other people in college, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

1:05:36 And then found each other again. Like, that's kind of always how it goes. Doesn't mean that that's not going to happen for you guys. Doesn't mean that's what happens every single time. But you're not even giving yourself the chance to experience, you know, something with someone else. And I know you don't want to right now, obviously. But eventually, I don't know, OP, if you're going to the college because he's there and you want to fix the relationship or because you actually want to go. And I mean, good for you for getting a full ride.

1:06:01 So there's that.

1:06:02 But I just don't, I want you to choose you and not choose him, you know? There are some comments. Vodka7tall says he ambushed you by driving five hours and showing up at your house uninvited, then hands you his phone to check for cheating unprompted. Babe, something here stinks and I'm fairly certain it's all his BS.

1:06:19 He told you he doesn't deserve you and you should believe him. OP responds, true. If he cheated, then I deserve so much better.

1:06:26 That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

1:06:28 Yeah.

1:06:29 Oh, he ambushed you by driving. And it's like you put that in a movie and it's.

1:06:33 Like, oh, my God, it's so sweet.

1:06:34 He's in love.

1:06:36 Exactly.

1:06:36 Yeah.

1:06:36 They're like kids.

1:06:37 He's like 20 and trying to figure out how to do a long distance relationship with the.

1:06:40 Girlfriend he's had for five years.

1:06:42 Yeah.

1:06:42 And he's like, should we break up? Should we not?

1:06:44 I don't know.

1:06:44 Am I good? Am I bad? Do I want to be with someone else? Does that make me bad? I'm anxious. I'm depressed. I don't think he is.

1:06:49 I think he's just fighting with the thought that he's like, I kind of do want to be single right now.

1:06:53 Yeah.

1:06:53 Yeah.

1:06:54 And he's like, well, if I do that, then I'm really bad. I don't think this guy cheated. Yeah. It really doesn't feel like this guy cheated.

1:06:59 Yeah, I don't think he did either. Well, you never know. I don't know. Update two, two days later. Hello.

1:07:04 This is my 18 female final update about my ex-boyfriend, 20 male, who broke up with me on July 4th because he no longer wanted to stay celibate. It was his idea originally to wait for marriage. I guess he wanted me to stay while he had fun at college. Believed that he didn't deserve me. We ended up meeting one last time before he left since he had some of my things he wanted to give back.

1:07:29 I honestly think it was an excuse to see me.

1:07:32 Maybe out of guilt, he actually admitted that he'd been cheating on me for.

1:07:36 A whole year.

1:07:37 No, he was doing it.

1:07:39 No.

1:07:41 No. Dang.

1:07:44 So.

1:07:44 The commenter was so right. Yeah, and.

1:07:48 No.

1:07:49 No.

1:07:52 And also, girl, are you still gonna go to that school with the full ride? Witness that?

1:07:57 He said that he grew resentful over the fact we weren't having spicy sleep. He no longer looked slash sounded like the Prince Charming I described in my first post. When he finished talking, I just said, okay, and took my stuff back. I'm surprised I didn't cry at the news. I'm a big crybaby, lol. I think he was annoyed since I didn't react. He didn't get the satisfaction of seeing me break down. I think the pain he put me through numbed me, or I realized in that moment that I no longer had to deal with his manipulation tactics ever again.

1:08:25 Dang, rollercoaster.

1:08:28 Don't go too crazy out there, college now, girly pop.

1:08:30 Yeah, don't be trying to, like, win him back by doing all this crap and not being yourself.

1:08:37 I don't think that's gonna happen.

1:08:38 I hope not.

1:08:39 I think you deserve so much better, obviously. He deserves whatever's coming to him. I mean, truthfully, like, I want to paint him as the bad guy, but, like, in the end, like, you both just grew apart.

1:08:51 You wanted different things.

1:08:53 Should he have cheated? No, that does make him the villain. I don't agree with that. He should have been upright with you and should have told you the truth. But I also, I mean, like, I want to say I understand why he did it, but he shouldn't have done it. You know, he should have broken it off and then been with someone else, not cheated behind your back for a whole freaking year and then be like, yeah, actually.

1:09:12 I don't know. I think we should break up now.

1:09:15 Yeah, I don't deserve you.

1:09:16 Yeah, I'm not allowing a man, especially him, to break me. Another big win, though.

1:09:21 My college has extended the benefits to my full-ride scholarship. I just got the notification email about it. So I'm getting a new laptop and school supplies, textbooks, online class programs, etc.

1:09:31 Soon.

1:09:32 Now it's time for me to focus on my studies and not boys. I'm putting myself first.

1:09:36 I'll probably see my ex on campus, but instead of being sad, I'll be happy that he's no longer my problem to deal with.

1:09:42 Thank you for all the previous advice. It really opened my eyes to the truth.

1:09:46 Food.

1:09:47 A double cheeseburger, garlic parmesan fries, and a strawberry lemonade.

1:09:50 Mmm. Yummy. Yeah, girl. Screw this guy. He just.

1:09:55 Nah.

1:09:56 There's so many other fishes in the sea. And you're gonna find someone at college with how... You know, you must be pretty freaking smart to get a full scholarship plus like extra benefits. That's crazy. So good for you. And yeah, don't even pay mind him. You probably won't even see him depending how big the school is.

1:10:11 You know, keep doing you. Don't worry about him.

1:10:13 And that's the end of this story.