My husband and our coworkers are talking TRASH about me... so I exposed them! | Reddit Stories | EP3109

0:00 Hey, it's Keon.

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0:11 My husband and our co-workers are talking trash about me, so I expose them.

0:16 That's right, expose the trash for the trash they are.

0:20 My 36 female, husband 39 male, and I are likely divorced.

0:26 Yay!

0:28 We've been married seven years, and a year and two months ago, I gave birth to our daughter. My husband and I work at the same company and at the same department. Until very recently, I worked as an administrative assistant there while my husband is a marketing associate. I was recently promoted to marketing analyst, which is one step below associate. My husband was part of an all-male friend group in the department that I believe has helped him at work. His friend group includes a VP of marketing, who we'll call Ted, Ted's boss is the senior VP of marketing, Allison. I actually got to know Allison because I used to volunteer at the same school she sent her kids to. I know enough about her to know

1:07 she hates people who disparage moms. By the way, this comes from throw a little flower. 808, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

1:17 I'm Dakota.

1:18 And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all your answers. We'd only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says... For about a year after I gave birth, I was focused on getting myself back on track health-wise and professionally. However, my husband started getting distant after month six. Every day it was no conversation, but you can't do anything spicy sleepily.

1:41 None of my accomplishments seemed to matter to my husband because he just wanted spicy sleep. He fell asleep one day before his phone turned off. I saw a host of notifications and then discovered a text thread between him and three work buddies complaining... about his apparently frigid wife.

1:57 I mean, okay, yeah, people will do that. Look, if you guys got bedroom problems, you got bedroom problems, but don't get mad at him because he talks to his friends about what's going on in his life. Just like how people talk about the exact opposite of this. They go, oh yeah, it was so good. Like, oh yeah, friggin' that.

2:15 Girls being like, what was he like? Like, it happens.

2:20 You get the download from your friends. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. But everyone, you know, I don't know. I feel like he shouldn't be complaining about his wife, though, to especially people that actually know her and like have to work with her.

2:33 I think that's his coworkers, not hers.

2:36 They used to work in the same department, but now she works in the administrative part.

2:40 Oh, I thought you went to a different company.

2:42 No, they're at the same company. She's just in a different like branch now.

2:46 So it's like, I guess. Yeah, but.

2:49 I mean, you could talk about your life and, you know, be like, oh, I haven't gotten any, you know, and blah, blah, this long. But it's also like, OK, I don't I don't know.

2:58 Don't message him just to slam dunk on a messenger because like, ah, this is really it feels like it's crushing me. I don't know what's going on. This is what I'm going through.

3:05 I saw responses where everybody sympathized with him, saying they hope he gets spicy sleep soon. And then one coworker, James, had the audacity to say something unhinged about me. Ted liked that text. Then Ted responds, she's ruining your family. Maybe tell her that and she'll come to her senses. My wife did. That's not really a nice thing to say. Yeah, I don't like that. This leads advice on ways to emotionally guilt me. I was furious and started taking screenshots.

3:38 I was slightly wasted. And when I told my sister, she said, since he participated using our electronics, just send it to Allison via his phone because she should know what kind of people are handling company PR.

3:51 So I did.

3:52 Oh, God.

3:54 Oh, God.

3:55 So I did so without any message explaining it and then also sent a formal email to H.R., i've.

4:02 Honestly you're the worst i divorce you everything's we're done that's crazy yeah you saw him you saw people messaging like tell her she's ruining the family so then you go and ruin his job and cut off half the income of your family you're insane.

4:19 Yeah that i would i would have had a talk with him not going not going past him and like tattling on him to like his company.

4:27 There was some questionable ethics in terms of how he was talking about you with his coworkers. Maybe you are now firmly in the out of pocket category for having done this. This is insane.

4:39 I then leave the house. The next day, all heck breaks loose. My husband's group gets notices for meetings with HR. My husband tells me to stay away and that a good wife would have kept it quiet. Now the dust has settled. And Allison made it clear she was narrowly outvoted when pushing for his termination. James was fired. Ted was suspended without pay but reinstated. My husband was suspended, reprimanded, and moved to a different team because Ted doesn't want to work with him. He claims what hurts the most is that co-workers avoid him. My husband refuses to talk to me. Never did he acknowledge how the text would have made me feel.

5:17 That's the most insane thing you could possibly say.

5:22 Yeah.

5:23 Never once did my husband think how the text I should have never seen in the first place would have made me feel.

5:28 It's true. And I mean, like, yeah, he may have been talking crap all this stuff, but it's like that's what you do with your friends, with people you trust. You want to you want to be able to. Say what's on your mind. And they literally were just like, yeah, I just, you know, I haven't been getting it as much as I've wanted to.

5:44 Let's crack open OP's group texts. Yeah. See what kind of things OP's been saying about all kinds of people and let them know. Unless they, maybe they say nothing about anyone.

5:54 I doubt it.

5:55 OP must be just a little school girl. Got her church shoes on.

5:59 Angel OP. Instead saying I was snooping, it was private. At this point, I know we are headed for divorce, and I feel drained and humiliated over his texts. Am I the a-hole? Did I go too far?

6:10 One thousand percent, yeah, you did.

6:13 He didn't get fired.

6:15 Oh my god. Quick spell cast? May this never find me.

6:22 Jeez. I cast a million bees into your eyes. Why did you do that? I understand you were like, you know, under the influence or whatever, but it's just like, girl, you just ruined your entire marriage over what? Like your friend just, or over, your husband just, wanting to be intimate with you.

6:44 Ruined like ruined your marriage ruined maybe his career for who knows how long and to what degree no one in the company wants to work with him anymore yeah i certainly wouldn't either because it's like oh my god we were having a group chat and now now i'm getting suspended without pay yeah i'm staying away from you and your crazy wife like he's gonna be followed this he needs a new job but then when he goes to the new job guess what the new job's gonna do look into what happened at his old job and then they're gonna see this this was your.

7:10 Husband Now, this reminds me of my aunt. She adopted a child and was like very, you know, like wanted her to have friends, wanted her to blah, blah, blah. And like she worked in the school, like her mom worked in the school that she went to and would see her like sitting alone and eating and would go up to the other girls and be like, why aren't you friends with my daughter?

7:30 No, no, no. It's like the surefire solution to make sure none of these kids want to be friends with your daughter.

7:35 And she didn't have friends for a really long time because her mom was like pestering these kids to be her friend and they're like, I'm afraid of your mom and I'm afraid of you now. It's like, that's not how this works.

7:46 At least the mom in your situation was just, I mean, it was well-intentioned.

7:51 Yeah, it just didn't go about the right way.

7:53 It just totally backfires. This was just straight up, oh yeah, let me take my messy sister's advice and blow up my own husband's job security.

8:04 There's an update. I know a lot of other commenters and direct messages were very offended and were rooting for the worst for me. That my reality conformed to their preferred reality. That I'd be fired, thrown out on the streets, banned from seeing my daughter while my husband moved in a younger woman who my daughter will call mom.

8:21 Hey, yeah, so that's all crazy and delusional. Neither of us thought that at all. We just thought you're incredibly self-centered in your marriage.

8:30 All of these have been in either comments or messages I've received from Redditors.

8:35 I get it.

8:35 I posted about me taking a stand and affecting a man's career. So some people on here would like me tarred and feathered.

8:42 A man?

8:43 A man? It was your husband. It was your husband.

8:47 It was the guy providing the income for your children as well as you. You guys were working together.

8:53 Yeah. To bring in money. What are you talking about?

8:56 I love how also she's clearly bringing up like the one context that is the unhinged. Like, well, clearly those people are wrong. She's bringing up those people. And probably not the waterfall of people being like, what were you thinking?

9:11 Yeah. Well, because these ones offended her most.

9:14 Jesus.

9:14 I am sorry to spoil that revenge fantasy for some of you, but here's what has progressed since my last post. I was in the process of filing for divorce, had already begun speaking with and paying an attorney. My attorney has had experience fighting contentious divorces in court, but says our divorce isn't worth being vindictive. His tune is, it doesn't matter... Who did what? With your assets, it's just dividing everything 50-50. If either side wants to fight, you're all going to run out of money before October. I am back in the house and my husband is living with his parents. Our plan is to alternate 50-50 because even if our daughter can't understand divorce like older kids might, we still want her to stay under the roof she's

9:56 always known. My husband says he won't talk bad about me to our daughter anymore. but won't pretend to be my friend either. Or communicate with me beyond anything concerning our daughter. We plan on downloading a co-parenting app, one kind commenter recommended. Sure. If that's gonna fix this, sure.

10:14 Thank God you guys are getting divorced. I don't care. And the lawyer is right. It doesn't matter who did what at this point. Just split everything right down the middle and call it a day.

10:23 My husband was texting coworkers on his personal phone, but through a company issued Google voice number on it. They had been in a group chat about work related stuff, but it devolved from there.

10:34 I love how you leave the context out so that it kind of sounds like he was cheating on you. And really, he was just telling his friends, like, yeah, dude, I don't know. My bedroom is, like, completely decimated.

10:47 I'm dry up in this bee.

10:48 It's like the Sahara in there, dude.

10:51 In terms of work, Ted hates me, but he seems to hate my husband even more. Ted was the one who requested that my husband doesn't work more and ignores him when he speaks. Allison doesn't even ignore my husband. My husband... is on a PIP of sorts. And Allison didn't tell me about almost firing my husband. She said that to my husband. To the commenter saying Allison will be fired, her uncle is a member of the board of directors who once served as interim CEO.

11:18 Oh, cool. So nepotism.

11:20 So nepotism will not get her fired. She's there forever. Nice.

11:25 I just hate so much how her vibe is very much like, well, he did this to himself. Yeah. Instead of Taking any responsibility for taking what comparatively is like somebody throwing like a rock at your car versus like taking a semi truck and T-boning it. Like you had all the opportunity in the world to be like, hey, we let's let's figure out how to get to the bottom of this. Yeah. Because you shouldn't be talking to your coworkers about this. I shouldn't be snooping through your phone to find it. Like, we've got problems. We got to work it out. We've got a kid.

11:58 Yes. Like, let's talk it out. Let's fix this. Let's come up with a solution. Instead, you just went, what is it?

12:04 You said, you said, you said, let me roll the dice on maybe making my husband completely unhirable. Let me let me roll the dice on making my husband financially unstable in perpetuity. Maybe.

12:21 Yeah, it's just you went on gung ho to just like ruin your husband. And that is just not it's not a good marriage. He was just complaining that he wasn't, you know, get any. And you're like, how dare he complain about that? Ruined his life.

12:38 Honestly, at this point, I'm doing the calculus in my head, and it's like, I would have you just cheated on me. I would have rather had that. I would have rather you just cheated on me. Instead of what? Making this whole weird thing at work? No, just cheat on me. Now, everyone at work is like, stay away from that guy.

12:57 That guy's toxic waste. You talk to that guy, and you'll get written up and suspended.

13:01 A former mentor of my husband pulled him aside and said he should be aware the company is making cuts and marketing departments always get hit the hardest in layoffs. He said not to think he's being laid off or anything, but just a heads up that nothing is personal.

13:15 So not true, by the way. Like that firing would be 100% or we got to get rid of him.

13:20 Yeah. So both him and I are looking for new jobs. For me, I have not been bothered at work. The company has more than one location and Allison offered to help me transfer to But for now, I just want to figure out an amicable divorce since my husband has simmered down. It's like you could have if you wanted a divorce, you could have just gotten a divorce and not blown up his entire life and be like, oh, well, we have to get a divorce now. You know, you're angry at me. Apparently you don't want this either. So it's not just me who doesn't want it like. You try to like spread the blame to everyone but yourself, Opie.

13:57 You're like, oh, my sister is the one who told me. And I, and you know, then I talked to Allison. Allison told all these other people. Ted doesn't like him. You know, it's not my fault.

14:07 Clearly there is a lot that has happened in your marriage that we have no clue about. But yeah, you poured gasoline on the fire and now you're like, wow, it's burning. How did this, how did this happen? Yeah. Um, and if you didn't like the way he was talking about you with his buddies before, oh boy, you won't believe the kind of stuff that they're going to be saying now. But that is the end of that story.

14:36 And we have got another one coming up.

14:38 I've spent years being treated like a stranger by my own in-laws.

14:42 Hey, you know who I am. Stop acting like you don't. Okay, this one's a doozy. So buckle up.

14:51 My mother-in-law is definitely my main problem, but father-in-law also happens to be an a-hole. Now, isn't that fun? I, 23 female, am married, 23 male. We were high school sweethearts and have now been married.

15:03 For two years. Wowee! Married at 21. I feel old. We have a 10-month-old son.

15:12 Wowee!

15:13 We are just zooming through life, aren't we? And another on the way. Wowee! And another on the way doing me. Wowee! Oh, man, two kids, 23 years old. Okay.

15:26 I've always loved my in-laws. They really were the picture-perfect family, whereas mine were very dysfunctional. Self-absorbed mom, enabler dad, neither of my grandparents in my life. My husband's grandparents, meanwhile, were literally right next door.

15:41 The way my.

15:41 Husband talked about his upbringing, I was so excited for my kids to have that too. My father-in-law was pressuring us for grandkids since before we tied the knot, so we were excited to tell them they were going to be grandparents for the first time. Where do you live that your father-in-law was pressuring you for grandkids at 18?

16:01 Because you had grandkids at 20. What do you mean? Yeah, I don't know. It was weird.

16:07 There were some red flags through my pregnancy, but people at my wedding and reception, even people from my side, were coming up to me all night saying, I'd won the lottery and not to ruin this. It was a little bit hurtful, but I knew they were amazing people, did you? All that to say, I wouldn't believe you if you told me how my year was going to go.

16:26 By the way, this comes from LeftTap901, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

16:31 I'm Sophia. And I'm Savannah.

16:34 And we've got some good advice and it's going to be goofy. And if you've got good advice, put it down below. OP says, oh, the minute the baby got here, they were at the hospital. All their attention was on the baby. They broke a lot of rules I'd sent out right off the bat.

16:49 I'm a people pleaser. They know that.

16:51 And I was going through too much to say anything. It wasn't even anything big. Just don't kiss him. Wash your hands. Don't just pass him off without asking.

17:00 Ooh, ooh, I already hate when people don't wash their hands. And if people are trying to.

17:05 Touch my baby with their dirty, icky hands, I'm gonna throw hands.

17:11 Yeah, that's like the number one rule. I remember I knew friends who had babies and my sister-in-law had babies and she's like, wash your hands, wash your hands. It was like a very big thing. Yeah, no, it's crazy. We brushed it off. They were excited.

17:27 We go home from the hospital. His parents, grandparents, and sister are there, and they continue to be there. They kept being there.

17:34 Stop.

17:35 All day. Every day. For over a week. Oh my god.

17:39 And they take my baby the whole time. You got a husband problem. You don't have an in-law problem. You got a husband problem.

17:45 I'm gonna have to agree with that. We haven't even gotten through, like, not even half the story. Not even a quarter of the way through. And I can see it.

17:52 I was in my room, in pain, sobbing, just wanting my baby. But they had convinced me this was their time to hold him. Because I get him all the time. What do you mean you get him all the time? He's been there for a week.

18:04 Yeah.

18:04 Because, like, they don't actually live there. They'll always see him. It's like, he's my child. Yeah, he just got here. Can I, I don't know, hold him or something? I don't even know him yet. He's hungry, guys. Can I feed him? My postpartum was completely taken from me. When I would try to.

18:18 Take him back or get him to feed people, mostly mother-in-law, would hover and immediately ask for him back. They always said it was to give me a break. They saw him every day for at least the first.

18:29 Month and a half.

18:30 You need to put your foot down, girl backbone, and tell him to back off. And also, husband, where are you?

18:36 Yeah, what is the husband doing this whole time? Just like, this is how they treated me.

18:42 After the first two weeks, we started going to them so we could leave if needed, because they wouldn't. Not that it mattered, because they would guilt us into staying with lines like, This would be the first day since his birth we don't see him. Well, we've got to have a first at some point.

18:57 Yeah, that's crazy. You're not the mom and you don't live there. Yeah. Or you're keeping our grandson from us. Oh my lord.

19:06 But that's not the worst part for me. They made it clear that we are not to hold our baby while they are around because we get him all the time. And the one rule I would actually confront them about is treating me like his mother. Not one person beside my husband gave me my baby when he was crying. Everyone automatically gave him to my mother-in-law. Every time he cried, someone would say, oh, baby needs grandma. It felt like a knife through my chest. She ran to the baby before I could get up from pain, and when I tried to take him, she'd say, no, I got it, you go. When we talked to them, they said, that's how it's done in their family.

19:41 Shut up.

19:42 They're masquerading. They're overstepping boundaries. ah yeah yes yes i was like wait but yeah yeah they're trying to mask it as like oh my gosh like i just care so much and i want you to be okay and you need a break you need a break you know you get them all the time you need a break and it's like actually i would very much like to hold my child and have one freaking second with him.

20:03 And this is not to blame you because these people suck but also i am getting really annoyed with you I need those pregnancy hormones, those that like angry outburst.

20:15 I need something from someone. I need you to put your foot down. I need the female rage. Please, please. Mama bear. Where's mama bear?

20:24 Kick him out.

20:25 10 months in now and she's still running to him if she thinks she hears a cry. We talked to them every few visits to try to give them a chance. And without fail, I cried there and back from every visit because they expected that all of our free time went to them.

20:39 At a certain point, Stop giving them chances. Yeah. At a certain point, it's like, actually, we're going to just have him for the day.

20:47 Yeah. We told them we can't do that. That to maintain a healthy marriage, we need family time, just us. They still think that's BS. At a recent talk, my mother-in-law actually asked my husband why I can't just go to work with him and get our quality time in then. Why doesn't it take your wife to work day every day?

21:05 What about that? You can get your quality time in the bathroom when you guys go together.

21:10 And maybe even a lunch break once in a while. Have you thought about that? Hope he can do the spreadsheets while your husband, I don't know, sends emails?

21:18 We can work right next to each other.

21:21 He's their irrigator on their farm, so he's always in a car. And I get car sick so bad, but they don't care.

21:27 There's been more.

21:28 Like my mother-in-law asking hundreds of times to change little one when we said no one but us would. and trying to go behind her backs to each other to get what she wanted. She still defends it after I called her out on doing it intentionally, saying she thought we were trying to be brave by refusing help.

21:44 Yeah, okay. This has all piled up to last month. They got sick, then had a wedding. What?

21:50 It was the first full month I didn't have to see them, and it was heaven. A full month of no pressure. Just me, my husband, and our baby.

21:59 That's sad. Yeah, that is sad. I really... don't know but at this point it kind of is a you problem yeah like you're not telling them so they don't think that this is overstepping he.

22:11 Is telling them but she's not actually putting consequences up yeah you know there are there's boundaries but the boundaries are like uh like automatic door at a grocery store it's like hey don't come in here don't don't come close the door i got to feel like his mother for a full month straight That combined with being pregnant, my brain finally cleared, and I told my husband something needs to change or we need to cut them off.

22:40 Woohoo!

22:42 No more chances. So we went to talk to them.

22:45 That's giving them a chance.

22:47 Unfortunately, we had to tell them about the baby because Esso needs to let his work know so he could come with us to appointments.

22:54 Oh, and they're his work.

22:55 When they found out, they squealed and were so excited again. They gave us the bare congratulations, then went right into how.

23:02 They will have a new baby to hold over the summer. Heck no.

23:05 So my SO made a time to go over and have a blunt conversation. We said the last 10 months have been BS and what they're doing has to be intentional at this point. They did not take this well. My father-in-law started sobbing actual tears. We've never seen him cry.

23:22 Dang.

23:22 Dang.

23:24 Well, I told him they'd taken my first time mom experience from me and I'll never get that back. And he pointed at himself and said.

23:31 Look what you're doing to me. You're tearing my heart out.

23:34 Oh, my God.

23:36 I would not be able to not laugh. Look what you're doing to me. You're tearing my heart out. This tear is for you. This tear is for the baby I'm never going to hold.

23:47 He said they hadn't done anything for the past month. And I said, yeah, because we haven't seen you. We ended up yelling at each other. It was obvious they'd never been challenged like this. My mother-in-law decided to take a more calm route, explaining how the personal things I've told her about my traumatic upbringing have basically damaged me, and that I was taught to be threatened by my mother-in-law from my mom. She said that we're having issues not because they've actually done anything wrong.

24:14 But because I was taught wrong. Oh good, so she's manipulative too. She's so good at this.

24:18 That wanting my baby back when he cries and to be treated as his mother was wrong to need. I was so angry I stifled myself. They basically admitted they never had any plans to not do what they wanted with our son. I packed up my things and our son and walked out, saying I'm done being the bad guy. My husband stayed to try to get them to listen while I got the baby ready in the car. The second I was out of the house, father-in-law told my SO he needed to fix this, and he was the only one who could, and that he needed to stand up to his wife, and that if they couldn't hold him one day to tell them, even though that's.

24:55 Bish, because I'm grandpa, and not anymore. Dang. This just went from, I mean, it wasn't zero to 100, but I'd say probably 50 to 100. Later, my husband tried to talk to my mother-in-law and she said, at some point, you need to stand up for us.

25:12 Both times, my husband said, we're a team. And all we asked for was accountability and change. They don't listen. My father-in-law cornered him at work and said, he's done crying. And now he's pissed.

25:25 I'm done crying. And now I'm pissed.

25:28 Look at this vein. That's you.

25:31 Look at it. You did this.

25:33 We're going to talk to them one more time to give them a chance to come to their senses. You guys piss me off.

25:40 Look at this. You're pissing me off. Like, stop giving them chances. They had almost a freaking year to do all this.

25:48 I mean, stop giving them chances. But then my husband said we could go no contact. I cannot wait to have them behind me.

25:55 Advice? Stop giving chances. Stick to your guns. Stick to them. Stick to your resolve.

26:01 Yeah.

26:02 Stop. dancing around it and saying oh one more chance oh well one more chance okay but now this is the last chance for sure yeah it's like there comes a point where i'd like because even me i'm a pretty big pushover but there comes a point where i'm like i am done with this now like it takes me a while to get there but when i get there everyone will know or and then i will you know i will be the bad guy and i'm okay with it eventually i i become okay with being the bad guy and you're telling me that You took 10 months of this and it took you 10 months to realize, you know what? I can't stand for this anymore. That's too long. Way too long.

26:44 I honestly think, again, your in-laws suck, but I think you guys need therapy. Because if you let this go on for 10 months without just cutting them off and giving them infinite amount of chances.

26:59 You got to work on your backbone. Yeah, I mean, I would have blamed it on them for, like, the first month, maybe two. But then after that, it's like, all right, now you're just kind of letting it happen and just complaining on the side. Like, you haven't done anything. And it's like, you're just going to sit and complain about it but do nothing. Like, that's on you then.

27:17 We got an update.

27:19 It's been a week since the initial blow up. Yesterday, we started sleep teaching my 10-month-old to prep for the new baby's arrival. I was in the middle of the first attempt when husband gets a call from his mom. He ignores it, but I tell him to just call her back. My anxiety won't let me not know.

27:35 I don't get it.

27:36 So he does, and she says she wants to schedule a time for all of us to talk. He comes back to tell me, and I ask what is expected from me in this talk. He said he didn't want me there, that he doesn't want to put me in an unnecessary stressful situation if it's just going to go like last time.

27:51 He's a sweetheart. Is he, though?

27:53 Is he, though?

27:54 Yeah, I want to know what he's saying behind your back.

27:58 So I say, if I can't go, just go get it over with so we can be done. I'll work with baby while you work with them. A few hours later, I got a call from my husband to let me know he was done and on his way home. He sounded so defeated.

28:11 Surprise there! Not.

28:14 When he got home, he looked like they ran over his puppy. The whole time he was telling me what was happening, he was wiping his eyes and had his head in his hands. It was a lot of the same stuff. My father-in-law said the only thing he regrets about the last talk... is that he wasn't able to say everything he wanted to. My husband brought up a lot of the things they'd done wrong, like pitting him against me, trying to get in between us as a married couple. My mother-in-law said.

28:38 I understand why you'd feel that way, but that's not what we meant. I don't care what you meant. So then you don't understand.

28:45 Yeah.

28:46 She does this with everything. She tries to manipulate us, and when it doesn't work, she says we misunderstood her.

28:53 No accountability.

28:54 My father-in-law did admit he shouldn't have said my SO was the only one who could fix this, but there was no apology, just acknowledgement. When my husband said the only way we could move forward was with a genuine apology, he said he thinks both sides have done wrong. Our wrong was not calling them out in the moment. Husband pushed and he said he's already apologized in previous talks, which was a quick sorry and nothing changed. Before this, they tried to use his memory against him. Father-in-law asked how much they had actually done. My SO said, a lot.

29:26 And it was constant. My father-in-law asked if he could list them. And my amazing husband came prepared.

29:33 He pulls out. He goes, and it does the thing where it like bounces on the floor. No, for real. I hate like. not to bring my ex into it, but he used to always like name an example. Oh yeah, give me an example. And it's like, I would give him an example. Well, that doesn't count. Okay, great. All right.

29:51 It's very much like, The attitude of like when a guy is like, oh, name three bands. Name three songs in that band if you like that band. It's like prove it. Yeah.

30:01 And it's like, even if I do, even if I do, you're going to be like. No, this is the most popular ones.

30:06 Yeah.

30:07 Well, technically that was like, you know, a single. I wasn't counting the singles. He started listing everything they'd done that he could remember. They went quiet.

30:17 And my mother-in-law actually ended up cutting him off, saying she doesn't think this was helpful and he could stop.

30:22 I wish I could have seen it. No contact.

30:25 Yeah.

30:25 You're done. Please. You've tried.

30:27 Please.

30:27 No contact. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this story continuing. I feel like Sisyphus pushing that boulder and you just go, oh, stop, stop. Just like let it go.

30:39 Yeah.

30:39 Like if you don't want to deal with it anymore, just go.

30:42 Yeah.

30:42 Like, oh, actually, you're not welcome. Sorry.

30:45 Yeah. Oh, no, we're not home.

30:47 Like, you have the control here. They're your children. They're your children. Don't let anyone convince you that these are not your kids. Because that's... That's gonna... Not only, like, are you gonna be doing that with them, you're gonna be doing that with other people as well. Like, you're, you know.

31:03 As a parent, people will try and butt their way into your lives and will try to tell you how to parent a child. Doctors will do this or other parents will do this. Obviously, your family members are already doing this.

31:16 Friends, family, teachers, everyone.

31:18 Everyone's got opinions and you have to be able to say, because you are so young, you have to be able to say, I don't care if I look young or inexperienced.

31:27 I am the parent here, so shut up. And then walk away. And like explosions. Glasses. Mic drop.

31:35 At the end of the conversation, mother-in-law still wanted to talk, but there was nothing to talk about.

31:41 I thought she didn't want to talk anymore.

31:42 Father-in-law tried to give him a hug, and husband gave a flimsy one-arm tap on his back and looked pissed. Father-in-law immediately got in his truck and left. That's when he came home. Fast forward to today, I got a text this morning from my SO. His dad found him at work and now all of a sudden wants to apologize.

32:01 He asked when he could see me and husband said, if you want to apologize, text her. Father-in-law said he wanted to drop by the house to see me in person to make it seem genuine. Husband said, no, text or nothing. I'm terrified to get whatever this is going to be. I just got done finding peace knowing I could go no contact with them because of the lack of accountability and apology.

32:24 You can go no contact with them even if they apologize. That's also a choice. If you're like, hey, I don't actually think their apology is genuine, you don't owe them anything. Yeah, just literally OP, you're just talking in circles now. Talking squares. Get out of the shape. Like, I get it because it's hard for me as well to, like, stand up for myself and be able to, you know, set boundaries and stuff. But the thing is, after 10 months, after almost a year, I mean, you're complicit then. Then you have to take accountability for it. It's not just them.

33:04 Now it's you as well. So, you know, and just go no contact if that's what you want. End of story. That's the end of this story. And we've got another one coming right up.

33:14 Hey, it's Keon, your favorite short king. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

33:21 My belongings have been disappearing for months. My wife was handing them out. All right, give them back. Trigger warning for a potential OD. I, 26 male, have been married to my wife, Emma, for four years. She was a social work major who I met in one of my Gen Ed classes. I explained to her I was a mechanical engineering major. She then asked if I could tutor her in math, and that's how we began dating. Wow, little Rizzler over there. Ooh, you're a mechanical engineering major?

33:51 Maybe we can do some one-on-one tutoring. I need help with math. I need, I don't know how to do addition. One plus one equals us?

34:02 Ooh!

34:03 Afterwards, I decided to get my master's in Japanese to help me gain more career opportunities. That's so smart.

34:10 Cool.

34:11 That's crazy smart. My wife thought it was a silly idea and said she wouldn't be funding it, so then we decided to keep our finances separate. It wasn't a big deal since I was still working anyways. I mean, yeah, if you're a mechanical engineering major, it makes sense.

34:25 Yeah.

34:26 I just had less free time, so she was making more than me during this time. It paid off, and I recently landed a high-paying job, and with that came more stress due to me having to travel to Japan often. Hmm. I've really been wanting to get into gaming so I invested in computer parts costing around $ 1, 500. Once I took the parts out of the box, my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. I don't think that's crazy.

34:54 No.

34:55 I think it is expensive but I don't think it's crazy if you have separate finances and you have a well-paying job.

35:01 And you can spend way more on a computer. I've heard people spend like 5K. Oh, yeah, like computer parts? Absolutely, you can spend a lot more. Yeah, so this is probably, honestly, the cheapest route.

35:14 Also, I'm sure you're not doing a bunch of random frivolous purchases all the time.

35:19 Yeah.

35:21 I don't like how she is constantly belittling your, you know... Like your hobbies or like the things that you want to do.

35:29 You know, your dreams. Yeah. She assumed I still made the same amount. But when I told her that I make triple that amount, she began giving me this silent treatment. Y'all don't talk about money and you're married. This is weird. She wanted to keep financial separate. But like even then.

35:44 Yeah.

35:44 You don't know anything about how much your partner makes. I don't know. Maybe it's like the elephant in the room. Like nobody talks about it. Yeah. Everyone kind of knows. Yeah.

35:52 Yeah.

35:53 Like, I don't know specifically how much my partner makes, but, like, I mean, he knows how much I make. But, like, I generally know, you know?

35:59 Yeah.

36:00 And, like, we're not even married. By the way, this comes from NoPayment4096, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia. And we're here to give some good advice, Goofly, but we don't have all the answers. So let us know what you would do, and we're going to tell you what we would. As Opie says, during this time, I began to notice my things were going missing. Oh, no.

36:22 I wanted to go fishing with some friends one time, and when I was looking for the rods, she must have noticed and said she had given them to her uncle. I told her not to take my stuff without asking, but didn't mind too much because they were old, so I just bought some more. I would have made a huge deal about that. Yeah, I would have been like, why are you taking my stuff and giving it to your family members? I would have just said, hey, can you get that back? Yeah. I'd be like, oh, did you just let him borrow it? Because that's mine. Yeah, what? No, that isn't a way bigger deal. Another time, I was about to go to the gym and I was looking for my pre-workout. I always keep three jars. Luckily, I

37:01 had a can of Monster and that helped. I asked my wife when she got home from work and she said she gave them to her cousin. Again, I'm calling that out and I'm saying, why? I asked her to reimburse me because they cost $ 50 a jar. She said, I make enough to replace them and just ignored me for the rest of the day. And there it is.

37:20 She's jealous of how much money you make.

37:22 Dang.

37:23 So she sells your items to get even? Yep. I guess so. And then she's like, well, you can just buy more.

37:28 Yeah.

37:29 I wonder if she's actually selling them.

37:32 Oh.

37:32 And getting money. Well, she wouldn't be able to say sell pre-workout if he's been using it. I don't know. I mean, to a family member, if it's like, oh, there's like half in it. Maybe if she's doing it. Give me like 30 bucks. I'll give you the rest.

37:42 Yeah. That's.

37:45 Super icky.

37:46 And it feels like she had more money to begin with. And she was like, oh, well, I'm not going to support you. And then once she found out OP had more money and she didn't, you know, know for a minute, she's like, oh, well, now I'm going to, you know, make you pay for that.

38:01 One day when she thought I was sleeping, she was talking to someone on the phone explaining how she's going to move our parents into our house. I mean, that's... That's a cool idea. Are we going to talk about it? Were you just going to hide them in the walls?

38:14 Yeah.

38:15 And be like, oh, well, I gave them to our parents. Where are they? You'll never know. I don't know. I don't know. You're just like, where was that? She hadn't explained this to me. We only have three rooms. One is her office, one is my office slash game room, and the other is our bedroom.

38:34 And I wonder which room they're going to get.

38:38 I really, really wonder what's going to happen here. I wonder if everything that's gone missing has been in that room. Oh, his gaming room. And she's just slowly clearing out the room. Oh, dang. saying she told the person on the phone, who I assume is her sister, that she's going to give my gaming setup to her brother to make room and that I'll get over it eventually.

38:59 Wow.

39:00 So today I left work early to catch her in the middle of her plans. And when I walked into our apartment, her and her brother were then placing everything into a box. I asked what was going on and my wife, whose face was pale, said she was cleaning when her brother came by. I asked him, did he plan on taking my computer? Of course he denied. So I went in the room to get the iPad we share, and I looked through the text on there, and it clearly shows my wife telling him when to pick it up and to deny that he had it. divorcing her.

39:31 Yeah, what is wrong with this girl?

39:32 Yeah, no, I'm going, oh, so that's strike three. Yeah. Oh, you lied and tried to steal my stuff. Like you got so mad that I spent all this money on it and then just going.

39:43 To give it away. Like, girl, what?

39:46 It's like, oh, you don't have to worry about your parents moving in here because you're moving out.

39:52 Yeah.

39:53 Literally.

39:54 I told him to get out and asked her why does she think she's so entitled to my stuff. I have never yelled at her and I guess this scared her because she began to cry. Oh, shut up. She ended up packing a bag and went to stay with her sister. While she was out, I picked up a lock for my office. Smart. Her sister texted me calling me an a-hole. I'm beginning to think I could have handled this better. I'm looking for advice. And there's an update.

40:19 And then you text her and say, oh, I'm an a-hole because your sister was trying to steal my stuff and give it to family members without my permission. Give me back my freaking pre-workout. Imagine if he didn't hear that and he came home regular time, saw all his stuff was missing. I mean, it would have been way worse, I feel.

40:38 Also.

40:42 The brother was supposed to deny that he had it. So what was she going to say? Exactly. Like, oh, I just got rid of it. I just sold it. Yeah. Or was she going to say, like, someone stole it from our house? Or like, I gave it to my brother. And then he's like, I never got that. Wait, wait, what? Like, what was the plan?

40:58 Yeah.

40:59 Update. After about a week staying at her sister's house, Emma called me and asked if we can meet up.

41:04 No.

41:04 I agreed. And we met at a park. She apologized for everything and said she thought she was doing what was best for everybody. In what universe? Who's everybody? You?

41:13 She's like, everybody's what my family calls me.

41:17 That's my surname.

41:18 My nickname.

41:19 I asked what if I just gave her expensive makeup to my sister. She admitted that she would be upset. I then asked why did she think it would be any different for me? She didn't have a reason and her sister told her how unfair she was being to me. We decided to give it another chance and she moved back in. It was going good until she started moving her things into my office. I asked her what she was doing and she explained how she needed the room for her parents. And then you say, sorry, when were you going to mention they're moving in? Like, come on, girl.

41:52 I told her no and that's not happening. I grabbed her things and placed them back into her office. I told her that they could move in, but my space has to remain untouched. On top of that, We need to determine how bills are going to be paid. She called me a selfish knucklehead and then ran back to her sisters. Okay, have fun over there. Yeah, have fun.

42:15 You're not coming back. It's like, oh, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, no, he's calling me out. Oh, God, I had to run away. And she chooses to flee. It's not effective. Yeah. I guess her sister told her she was being inconsiderate once again. And apparently they got into an argument because the sister refuses to take their parents in and said she's tired of hearing about her problems.

42:38 I agree with her. Her sister has four kids. Wow. So she's like, well, he won't let me bring our parents in. Can you just take them? I have four kids. No. I actually can't. If you want to pay for a new house, sure.

42:52 It's interesting that Opie's sister-in-law was originally on Opie's wife's side.

42:56 It was like, hey, like, OP, why'd you do that or whatever? And now has seemingly completely changed up. I don't think she gave the real reason for why she came over. Yeah. And then said, well, you know, I don't know. I was giving his stuff away. And she's like, huh? What? You were giving his stuff away?

43:13 Yeah.

43:13 And now she's like, and he won't let my parents move in. And she's like, why would he want our parents to move in?

43:19 Like, none of that is justified at all. Her sister called and told me everything and said that Emma went to her parents' house. I tried to call her, but she ignored my phone calls for two weeks. Relationship's over. I decided I couldn't live like this, so I filed for divorce and handed it to her at her parents' house. Question, how long of no contact before you're like, we're broken up? Truthfully, I think two weeks. Like, any time after a week, I feel. Like, and I'll give you a week to, like, chill and be like, okay, whatever. I've calmed down. I'm coming up with a solution. Let's talk level-headed. But she took two weeks, and I feel like that's way too long.

44:00 She called and begged me to forgive her. I told her I'm not sure if I can. She refused to sign it until we go to counseling. I refused and said she had two weeks to suggest that. So now I live alone. She still refuses to sign the papers, but that doesn't stop the divorce. It just makes it harder. Yeah, frustrating.

44:19 And there's another update.

44:20 Oh, boy. Probably just going to be like, trying to divorce her. It's been a while.

44:24 Yeah.

44:26 I mean, I really don't think you're going to take her back. No, I mean, like everything that she's done has been just worse and worse. Yeah. Update two, almost a month later. So Emma was cheating on me. I was literally about to say I wouldn't be surprised. I wish I had said it.

44:43 I was about to say I wouldn't be surprised if she was also cheating on you.

44:47 The rods and pre-workout didn't go to her family.

44:50 Of course it didn't.

44:51 It went to her affair partner.

44:54 Wait.

44:55 I bet the freaking. The computer was going to go to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Playing freaking chess. That's weird. Giving all of your husband's stuff to your affair partner. Oh, what a piece of crap she is.

45:08 Yeah.

45:08 And then she moves in her parents to his house. And then she goes off to the affair partners or whatever.

45:16 Wow. She had this all planned out. That's sick.

45:19 Ew.

45:20 She needs help. I found this out when her parents invited me over to their house. Oh, I bet she never went to her parents' house. When her sister said, oh yeah, she went to her parents', I bet she never went. When I got there, Emma looked sick, like she hadn't eaten for days. Her parents asked why I threw her out, and that me neglecting her is taking a toll on her mental health. Emma sat there, silently crying.

45:43 I explained that I never threw her out. And Emma refused to talk to me for weeks before I sent the divorce papers. I showed them text of me practically begging her to come home so we can talk it out. I asked Emma what did she tell her parents. Her dad chimed in saying that I went back on my word about letting her brother stay with me.

46:02 He's like, when did she say her brother could stay with me?

46:06 She never asked me. Oh my God. I thought you guys were moving in. Oh, the web of lies. So many lies. I asked what they were talking about. And the reason we got into an argument is because they were supposed to move in. Emma ran to her room before she could be questioned. What a little freak this girl is. Yeah, she's a little freak. Like, grow up.

46:28 You can't even end a relationship like an adult. Yeah, you can't end a relationship. You can't talk like an adult. You can't communicate like an adult. You can't act like an adult. I mean, come on. There has to be a time where you grow up. Please. Please. Her parents explained that they were happy with their home and had no plans to leave. Then what was going to happen?

46:46 Who was moving in? I'm so confused.

46:49 Yeah.

46:50 Like, I genuinely don't understand what her plan was. Her lies were not going to add up.

46:55 No.

46:56 Like, you didn't even come up with like a backup plan. You just told everyone to deny everything. Yeah.

47:02 Like. What?

47:03 You're stupid. I then showed them the text from her sister, Mary, explaining how Emma was mad at her because she couldn't take her parents in. They were confused. I was confused. So her parents called Mary to have her explain. Her brother Jake was also there. Emma just explained everything. Emma was cheating on me. Jake caught her and kind of blackmailed her. So he was a freshman in high school and we live in a better district where basketball recruiting is more likely to happen. what i don't know what's going on here what i'm.

47:35 I'm sorry the brother blackmailed op's wife so.

47:40 He could do basketball i don't know and also maybe take his take his computer what she's like if you don't tell my husband i'll give you his computer you probably and it's like oh he's not gonna be bad at that that's probably what she's like just deny everything It.

47:58 Wasn't deny that you took it. It was deny that I'm in an affair.

48:02 Oh. That's crazy. The web of lies. Emma thought I would be more inclined to say yes if I thought it was her parents moving in. Emma's parents called her downstairs immediately. She was listening and began to tell her side. Her affair partner's wife found out, so he thought that relationship was over because she punted him out the house.

48:25 He convinced Emma to quit her job because he got a job opportunity in a different state, but he was secretly meeting with his wife and they got back together. Secretly meeting with your wife is crazy. He hadn't put in his two weeks yet, so his life resumed normally. Oh my, I just got to get right into it.

48:45 I'm on the edge of my freaking seat. Emma, on the other hand, didn't even put in her two weeks and just stopped showing up, so she was fired. This woman is stupid. She's ruining her life. For what? She's stupid. For a man with a wife. For a man who doesn't actually choose you. And then the man that does choose you, you sell his stuff.

49:05 Yeah.

49:06 Or don't even sell it. Just give it away to the affair partner. Like, here, take all these really nice things. Like, she's been awful from the beginning.

49:15 The second that she said, oh, you shouldn't go to get your master's in Japanese.

49:20 Yeah.

49:21 First red flag. And when her affair partner told her it's over, she went into a depression and tried to call me so we can go to counseling. She's like, oh, my backup. My backup. Do you want to go to counseling?

49:33 Yeah.

49:34 Well, that didn't work out. Would you like to try? I told her it's over and asked that she sign the paperwork so this divorce can go smoothly. She begged for another chance, but I just left her crying. Her parents informed me later that night that Emma was in the hospital from an OD of pills. Oh my God, girl.

49:54 This can't.

49:55 What?

49:56 Like every every time I think that I know where this is going, it goes 180.

50:03 I don't even know what. Like, is that going to help the situation now? You're just doing things to yourself. Oh, baby, I promise. I'll go to counseling now that you've tried to end your life.

50:19 What?

50:19 I just ignored it. Her dad is asking that I come visit to show I care. I texted back, I don't care. I don't know what to do. The moment I found out about the affair, I fell out of love. But I feel cruel not going to visit her. Do not visit her.

50:34 Yeah.

50:34 I honestly don't even think that would help her.

50:36 No!

50:37 I don't think it would either. I think in this case, you have to just remove yourself as quickly and smoothly as possible. Because she's doing it for your attention.

50:47 Yes.

50:48 So don't even play into that because it will honestly not help her recovery at all.

50:53 Yeah.

50:53 She's gone completely. bat crazy she's she's gone now that is not the person that you met I mean it was but not anymore yeah I mean that person's long gone so yeah but that's the end of that story hey it's Carly Keon's girlfriend here we're gonna get back to the stories but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

51:17 My best friend's secret affair is forcing me to lie to my own wife.

51:21 Oh, my God. I.

51:24 39 male, I've been best friends with my buddy, 38 male, for just over 20 years now.

51:29 That's a long time.

51:31 We met working at a restaurant, and from the word go, just got along really well. Obviously, over that amount of time, we've been through some stuff together and seen some things, the good, the bad.

51:42 The ugly.

51:43 The dirty. And the hilarious. We've been there for every grown-up milestone from meeting our spouses, having kids, losing loved ones, etc. Marriages have been great, and our wives and kids are even close. They hang out without us. We've gone on vacations as families. Our daughters even complain that they just wish they were sisters so they could play anytime they want.

52:04 They probably wouldn't like each other as much as they.

52:06 Do now, though. Fair enough. Kind of an all-in-all dream scenario, honestly.

52:11 That is my dream.

52:12 To have a sister who's not your sister.

52:14 Well, I do have one of those, to live next to them and have all of our friends and families be friends.

52:19 Needless to say, after this many years at that level of friendship, there really isn't anything we don't know about each other or don't feel comfortable talking about, including the fact that back in the day, I had seen him hook up with a guy or two. Never bothered me, to each their own, but his wife was also never informed of his experience on both sides of the aisle.

52:37 Are you sure? It's a big thing like that. Are you sure, though?

52:42 How do you know that?

52:43 We might have been like, hey, don't tell my wife that I've been on both sides.

52:46 Of the aisle. Don't tell my wife I've been playing both sides.

52:49 You know what I mean?

52:50 Sometimes I dip into the frozen section and sometimes I dip into the fruit aisle.

52:55 By the way, this comes from Intelligent Idea 1619. If you want to submit your own stories, go to r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota.

53:03 I'm Sophia.

53:03 I'm Keon. And we are here to read this story and give you our thoughts. And hopefully they are helpful. And if they're not, you should tell us. And if they are, you should tell us. Tell us whatever you want down in the comments. And OP says, While I told him I didn't agree with the not telling, it's not my place to say anything, and it's his relationship, so it's always been something I still razz him about in private when we banter. Oh, I remember when you hooked.

53:30 Up with guys!

53:31 Hey!

53:32 Banter, banter, banter!

53:33 Hey! When he said raspberry, you give him raspberry.

53:38 He goes, razzmatazz. He's like, all right, let me see your tummy.

53:42 I'm going to give you a little raspberry.

53:43 Give me the razzmatazz.

53:45 Remember when you liked guys? Remember when you liked guys?

53:48 What do you think about these?

53:50 OP, you've got a weird vibe about you. I'll tell you that much.

53:53 But it's a secret I've been expected to hold without consent for years nonetheless. It's also something he said he doesn't care about and that he loves his wife and they have the great sparse sleep life and he doesn't act on it. So I've always written it off as not my monkey, not my circus, moot point. So imagine my surprise when he tells me he's been cheating on his wife with a guy 33 male and it's kind of morphed into a full-blown relationship slash affair.

54:18 Oh, brother. Well, now you go, oh, hey, dude, I'm not going to keep that secret.

54:26 And also, oh, I thought we were friends, but we're not really friends because I don't, I don't.

54:34 Black when people do that.

54:35 It sounds like your monkeys are getting out of your circus.

54:37 Oh, my monkeys have escaped my circus.

54:40 The monkeys are in the circus. You're in the circus. The monkeys are in charge.

54:43 The monkeys have replaced you, and now you live in the circus.

54:46 They will do to us what we've done to them.

54:48 It's a planet of the apes all over again.

54:51 The affair has been going on for six months now.

54:53 Oh.

54:53 But I've only known for a few weeks.

54:55 That's too long.

54:56 As far as I knew, per him and his wife, to my wife, remember, they're good friends... My buddy and his wife had a great relationship, so I was shocked AF, but listened to the whole story. Key points are, basically, they met on Snapchat.

55:11 Hold on.

55:12 How?

55:13 How?

55:13 Snapchat is the root of all evil.

55:15 That's why I firmly believe if you are over the age of 25, don't have one.

55:21 And I also agreed to go.

55:26 I Snapchat like a very handful of people.

55:28 Keon, you don't have to defend yourself. We know you're a demon.

55:31 I Snapchat my friend Drew, and whoever claims best friend spot is Carly or Drew, and it's very funny.

55:38 Keon, you're a child. Just admit it. Hell yeah.

55:42 They met on Snapchat, and it ended up escalating from online to in person and then to hooking up. The guy knows he's married but doesn't ever want to be married himself. He likes his alone time and has a very busy career, so is completely fine with the situation and not being the number one. They got gym memberships together and started hanging out that way. My buddy now has a key to his apartment and will work from there a few days a week instead of going to the office. His job has a hybrid work model, so his job isn't in jeopardy as a part of this.

56:11 This is bad. We tell your buddy and be like, hey, that's bad.

56:18 Yeah, you said there are no off-topic conversations. We tell each other anything. So tell him to stop. Tell him to tell his wife. Yeah.

56:29 Also, just like, You might be a J with a G, brother. Might be a little J with a G, you know what I mean?

56:36 I mean.

56:36 Is this living your truth?

56:37 If he's bi or J with a G, he's still cheating. He's a full-time cheater. That's what he is.

56:43 A lot of me wonders if he knows about the gaycation. Maybe he just needs a good gaycation.

56:47 I think he's just a frickin' cheater. And I think he needs to be honest with his wife.

56:52 Folks, this is not how you gaycation.

56:54 Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

56:57 Mm-hmm.

56:57 He says that it's actually made his relationship with his wife better somehow.

57:01 What?

57:02 Oh, shut up.

57:02 That he is more relaxed and happy. I assume because he's now getting to express something he's been repressing? Anyway, I have now gone from a concerned and pissed friend internally who's been coaching him through all of the various ways and reasons that this is and could become even more spectacularly effed up to completely torn up inside after last week when he introduced us. And to be clear, to be clear, when I say coaching, I don't mean I'm coaching him on how to keep this up. I mean, I've been talking him through the moral, ethical, physical, mental, et cetera, things that are wrong about what he's doing.

57:36 And to essentially just make a decision, crap or get off the pot, brother. In my opinion, he should be the one to do the right thing. And that's what I was hoping would happen in these last few weeks. I haven't sat on this for months.

57:49 Honestly, last few weeks sounds like we're at somewhere in the range of two to four.

57:55 And that's too, too many.

57:56 Don't worry. Your buddy's been sitting on it for the last six months.

57:58 Yes, six months. Oh, my gosh.

58:00 Sorry, I had to.

58:02 And also, he's keeping this from his wife, who is friends with the other wife.

58:06 He's very generous.

58:07 Oh, my God.

58:08 If my partner kept the fact that a guy that I knew well was probably friends with was cheating on his wife, who I was also very close friends with.

58:19 Like, they're all friends. I'm boozed. You kept that from me? And also, you didn't. force him to tell her? Or tell her yourself?

58:27 Essentially, what had happened was that he told the boyfriend that I knew, which then became, well, I can't be a part of your daily life or your circle at all, but if your best friend knows, then why can't I meet him? And when I showed up to a coffee, not at our normal Starbucks, which I didn't think anything of at the time, there they were. I stayed for an awkward 45 minutes of small talk and then left.

58:47 You're the a-hole.

58:49 I disagree. I stayed more so because I was frozen. Call it weak or whatever you want. In all honesty, I think I was just in shock and sad. It kind of became about me in that moment because there was a realization that the whole thing was something I could never even dream of doing to my wife or family.

59:05 That someone I knew and loved and thought more of didn't have a problem doing it. and had dragged me in without a second thought to me or my family. And the broader implications. Our friendship and our lives were fundamentally never going to be the same. Yes, I reamed him out on the phone afterwards when he called me to ask what I thought. Yes, I escalated my coaching him out of this situation after that as well. Now, here's where the advice comes in. This guy is like a brother to me. I have also known and been close to his wife for over 16 years because they dated for multiple years before marrying. I'm basically an uncle to his kids. Our wives and our kids are great friends, too.

59:44 So as much as, yeah, he's the one effing up, by proxy, I'm simultaneously protecting him, but also a massive part of my own life, my family's life, and his family's life. So my automatic response was to fix all of it, not to end up aiding and abetting.

59:58 That's what you're doing.

59:59 I disagree. In what way? There's so many more variables here. Speak on it.

1:00:04 Of the kids.

1:00:05 They're almost like a blended family. I agree. Their kids are like sisters.

1:00:10 I think that's what makes it worse.

1:00:11 It makes sense that he'd be like, dude, you gotta do something now to fix this. Do something.

1:00:17 But I don't think there is any... I think OP's advice right now is... seemingly stop doing this.

1:00:25 Well yeah no that's that's what the coffee meetup was of like the oh my god this is it is it's ruined there is no fixing this this is it's gonna explode thank you thank.

1:00:35 You for this best friend it was bad when one six months into it i mean already cheating all bad but yeah he's six months deep maybe six inches deep um and Also, he got a key to the apartment.

1:00:49 If you're... This is for both of you. If you're... Okay, vice versa.

1:00:55 Yes.

1:00:55 Keon asked you, Dakota asked you.

1:00:57 Yes.

1:00:58 To meet up and go to coffee with him and his affair partner.

1:01:04 All right, immediate red flag, because Coda would never ask me to go to coffee.

1:01:07 Well, yeah, there we go. I mean, neither of you would cheat, but in this world, that actually is even better.

1:01:13 Do we also have kids and our families blended? That's the thing. Sure. Even if there were no kids.

1:01:17 If there were no kids, I'd be like, blow it up immediately.

1:01:23 No, no, no.

1:01:23 I'm not even asking, like, oh, do you tell on him, blah, blah, blah. Do you get coffee with him and his affair partner?

1:01:29 I'm just looking at... Honestly, probably, yeah.

1:01:32 What?

1:01:33 Just for the plot of it, I would be like, I gotta see.

1:01:35 What the hell's going on.

1:01:36 Okay, that's Dakota's answer.

1:01:38 My answer is, I would go.

1:01:40 What?

1:01:40 No, no, no.

1:01:41 I would go and be like, I know my answer. I know what I'm doing, but I'm like... brother, do you see what's happening right now? You just invited me to a coffee date to meet your affair partner.

1:01:50 Yeah, to be clear, I'm not going to the coffee.

1:01:53 Date to be like, hi, it's good to meet you.

1:01:56 I'm going to the coffee date to be like, what is wrong with both of you? You're both... Being terrible people.

1:02:03 I don't know.

1:02:06 Not to just be like, you guys are so cute. I'm so excited for you guys. No, of course not. I would not do that.

1:02:12 That's what OP did.

1:02:12 No, that's not what OP did.

1:02:14 He showed up at the coffee shop. And then just kind of.

1:02:16 Sat there like, I can't, I'm like, this is, what's this?

1:02:20 I'm walking out.

1:02:21 The second I see my friend with the affair partner, and Blind One says he didn't know, regardless of whether or not he knew before, the second I see the affair partner.

1:02:29 I'm going, bye. Bye.

1:02:32 The big thing is, why are we at this point? Why are we not like, hey, dude, like immediately when I hear when I hear I've had I've been having an affair for six months. I found out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe Opie's still trying to process this.

1:02:44 Well, it seems so.

1:02:45 But why are we at the point of we're meeting for coffee?

1:02:49 That's what I'm saying. Like, that's crazy.

1:02:52 Regardless of whether or not he knew he was going to meet up with this guy and the affair partner, the second you see the affair partner, I'm like, what are you doing?

1:03:01 Bye.

1:03:02 You know what I do? I do go to the coffee date. I get a hot, hot black coffee, and I go.

1:03:07 Yeah, go. Shut up. That's a crime.

1:03:12 I go, oops, I accidentally spelled it that way.

1:03:15 It's like, yeah, you're like, oh, it's you. Now I know the person I hate. It's you. And also my brother. The hell's going on? What's wrong with you?

1:03:25 That's what I'm saying.

1:03:26 Did you think I would be happy?

1:03:28 That's what I'm saying.

1:03:29 But he was just in shock because he built his life with this guy for 20 years. They both have families. They have kids that think of each other as sisters. All that is rolling through his head of like, oh, my God.

1:03:40 That's not Opie's fault. No, it's not.

1:03:41 He was just shocked. He said he was just stunned. It's fair.

1:03:45 I would think it was a little bit more fair. if OP hadn't known anything and then showed up at the coffee shop and just been like out of the blue introduced, but because he's known for three, like two to four weeks, I feel like I'd be like, dude, now you're, now.

1:04:01 You're introducing me to your boyfriend. Yeah.

1:04:04 Oh, we have a coffee date.

1:04:06 Cool.

1:04:06 I'm going to bring the family. I'm gonna bring the girls. I'm gonna bring the wives.

1:04:10 I hate this.

1:04:11 I fully can't imagine not going off at the coffee.

1:04:15 That's what I'm saying.

1:04:16 That's what I'm saying. But I also, you know, wouldn't have seen 20 years of my life imploding in front of me.

1:04:21 Dakota, I guess I just don't see you reacting in any way like this guy did because the second that you find out about this.

1:04:28 You're like, you're not coaching him. You're like yelling at him.

1:04:33 Yeah, no, it's like, it's definitely, I would probably give him a shorter timeframe.

1:04:38 That's what I'm saying.

1:04:39 But it would definitely be like, I'm not saying it. It's like, you'd say it, dude. Yeah. So, While having dinner as an extended family this weekend and sitting at the table, I zoned out from all of the guilt building up by proxy and almost lost it. I love his wife and his kids and want nothing but for them to have the best life as a family. But in that moment, I realized that my buddy unintentionally has me not only keeping his secret, but also lying to my wife, his wife, who is also one of my best friends, and the rest of his family. Yep. I don't even want to think what my wife would do or say if she knew that I've kept this from her.

1:05:15 Never mind, also met the guy. If I say something, I blow up their marriage a large part of my life and my wife and kids' lives. Beyond that, what would my relationship look like with my buddy after? With his wife? With my wife? After she finds out I knew? I don't know if I can continue to keep it under wraps, the guilt I felt sitting at that table.

1:05:36 As long as I know it's still happening, I think our dynamics will change regardless because I'm honestly too emotional about it after having to face his family. So either way... I'm losing. He's put me in a super effed up position. I'm going to talk to my wife tonight and let her read through all of this and we'll figure out a plan together. Part of me even posting this is because of how conflicted I am. But most of all, the hiding something from my wife. I've never kept anything from my wife ever. What would you do? Tell? Give him an ultimatum? Do I tell my wife?

1:06:06 Yes.

1:06:07 What if she then tells?

1:06:08 Well, then perfect.

1:06:09 Do I just keep to myself and be a bit removed and wait for it to end? No.

1:06:13 It's never going to end.

1:06:14 It's never going to end.

1:06:15 It's been doing it for six months. Whatever you do, the last one is not possible.

1:06:20 Yeah.

1:06:20 I honestly, I got to be real. I don't know if you tell your wife. I think you... Because you're right.

1:06:28 Listen, the truth will come out sooner than later.

1:06:31 And if anyone knows that you knew and didn't tell, genuinely, I genuinely think I would not be able to look at.

1:06:41 Just for coming from me.

1:06:42 Just coming from me, if I'm OP's wife and I find out that he's kept this secret from me and was just going to let this all kind of play out, I.

1:06:51 Am rethinking.

1:06:53 But what if he tells you now and it's been two weeks?

1:06:56 And he tells me now and he says, I've been trying to fix it on my own. I was worried, but I realized I can't fix it and I need help.

1:07:04 I'm like, okay.

1:07:05 I'm upset that you didn't feel like you could tell me, but let's figure this out together.

1:07:09 Okay, tell your wife.

1:07:10 And I always say it. It's like, oh, I'm torn. What do I do? Get another person in on it. If it were rules reverse or if it was, say, your wife cheating on you, Wouldn't you want to know? Wouldn't you want to know?

1:07:22 Yeah.

1:07:23 I don't know. Am I the weekend?

1:07:24 No, you're the tight end.

1:07:26 I don't want to know. Yeah.

1:07:29 I just, I just feel like you're, you owe nothing to your, when you're in a marriage from what I know, I have not been in one. Your partner is like top, that family unit, top priority. And you do not hold a secret that of that magnitude from your partner.

1:07:50 At least that's the relationship I want to be in.

1:07:51 It's just so, it's so hard for me because of the kids being like family and then breaking that up. And if that, if that, if it all goes south real bad, like that's the only reason I'd be like, yeah, yeah. I guess you and your wife need to be a united front of like, how do we navigate this in a way that at least lets us to keep his wife in our lives and the girls can still have that level of relationship and, you know, like sisterhood. Yeah.

1:08:26 Without all of this imploding and everyone hates each other.

1:08:28 I don't think everyone's gonna be hating each other. It's only the one guy. Oh, as of right now, both OP and his friend.

1:08:34 I think best case scenario, OP right now, because you can't, you can't go back and like take anything back right now. OP goes to his wife, says, hey, I was, I didn't know how to tell you.

1:08:46 I was scared. I was trying to fix it. Couldn't.

1:08:48 They together go to friend's wife, say, hey, we found out this information. OP didn't know how to fix it, was trying to get your husband to tell you to stop doing it, wasn't working. we don't think he's going to tell you uh we support you we're there for you this is what's going on i feel like that's best scenario going forward good luck yikes but that's

1:09:12 The end of that one