My husband has PRIVATE photos of my best friend… but swore they were innocent! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3091

0:00 Hey, this is Angie. And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:05 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show running. My husband has explicit photos of my best friend, but swore they were innocent.

0:15 They were simply boudoir photos. I, 38 female, genuinely hope that you guys can convince me that I'm overreacting, but I feel like my life has collapsed.

0:26 I've been married to my husband, 38 male... for 15 years and we have a teen daughter. So like any couple that's been through all that, we've obviously experienced the ups and downs, the highs and the lows over the years. We both have busy schedules and we haven't been extremely consistent in the bedroom, but we make sure to find time for ourselves alone at least once or twice a month.

0:46 On a recent Saturday, our daughter was at a sleepover, so I was hoping to have some intimate time with my husband. I spent probably 20 minutes cleaning up the kitchen and then I went to our bedroom. When I walked in, I quickly realized that he was touching himself spicy sleepily to something on his phone.

1:05 Oh no.

1:05 Yikes.

1:08 He pulled up his pants and tried to act like everything was normal.

1:11 He pulled up his pants and he said, hey babe, what are you doing here?

1:14 But I'm not stupid. I'm not opposed to one-on-one pleasure time. Though it does make me feel a bit inadequate. This is not the first time I have caught him doing it. So I asked him to tell me what was on his phone. He said no. And he walked out of the room, but I followed him and eventually got him to show me. He was looking at a photo of my 37 female best friend in lingerie.

1:40 That's actually the most insane thing you could ever do.

1:45 That's like diabolical. That's just like my confidence shattered.

1:50 Oh my God. All it took was her being like, show me, show me. He's like, fine. It's your best friend.

1:54 Fine. Fine.

1:55 By the way, this comes from throwawayfarsky6185. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

2:03 I'm Dakota.

2:04 And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We'd only tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says. At that moment, I wanted to combust. Yeah, same. I was convinced that they were sleeping together and that my life would fall apart.

2:20 I yelled and screamed and I don't know exactly what I said. I cried a lot and so did he. After a while, my husband convinced me to hear him out and he profusely apologized and he said that it would never happen again and that it was the stupidest thing he ever did. I told him that it felt like he was cheating. He promised that he never would, but he acknowledged that he had breached a line and that he should never have. My husband tried to explain the situation like it was an innocent interaction. He said that he had been texting my friend, which I knew he did once in a while, I text her husband too sometimes, though mostly in a group chat, about possibly getting me lingerie as a gift sometime. He says that

2:58 since we have similarly curvy body types, He asked her for some advice and she went to the store, tried some on and sent him photos of her recommendations.

3:08 Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

3:13 That's weird.

3:15 That is so much more suspicious than just being like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know why I did this. This is ridiculous.

3:22 You can just say the fact that she's like sending like photos of herself in them to you is weird.

3:29 That's weird.

3:29 Big boundary cross. Why didn't she just send like pictures of it?

3:33 Not on.

3:34 In my mind, that's an insane explanation.

3:37 Yes, to anyone.

3:39 Never in a million years would I send photos of myself in underwear to my best friend's husband if he asked for recommendations. My husband showed me all of his texts. And that was basically what they were saying, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. There were three photos in total, but I only had to look at one to feel confident that she knew what she was doing.

4:00 Yeah! Girl! Obviously. Girl! Are you actually believing your husband's story here?

4:06 Yeah. No, I.

4:08 They're both guilty. Yes!

4:10 She was wearing a tiny sheer set that seemed to emphasize the fact that she does not have a single speck of hair down there. My husband promised to block her number and never do something so stupid ever again. I don't know that I believe him, but I also don't know what else to do. I am still so angry at both of them. I still have not said a single word to my friend about this, and I don't know that I will have the heart to for a while. She clearly knows something is up because I haven't responded to her texts or seen her since this happened.

4:42 I would welcome any advice any of you have. Advice? I would definitely take space. I'd take space from the husband and I'd take space from her. I would tell her that I know. I'd be like, hey, I know what you did. Don't really want to talk about it right now. But, like, yeah. Don't expect to hear from me until I'm ready.

5:00 You're insane.

5:01 Me?

5:02 Respectfully, how on earth do you see this and then not immediately go, I need every detail I can get to figure out what the hell is going on right now? She's sending like lingerie recommendation photos. My husband say, no, babe, we're not cheating. It's just that. And then gives the most weird, ridiculous explanation of all time. I'm like, I don't trust that. I don't trust anything. I need to hear.

5:31 I need to confront and hear everyone's perspectives right now to get the story straight. I wouldn't be like, hey, I'm going to let you concoct, you know, I'm going to let you guys get your ducks in a row here and, you know, create a defense plan. I'm going to blitz. I'm saying, tell me everything that you know right now. What's going on? Why did this happen? And if you tell me a shingle difference between what my husband said, I'm done.

5:55 I mean, I would just be done anyway. Like, I would just be like, I don't trust you ever. Like, ever again, I really don't. There is no trust there. There is an update here. 14 days later, a sad update to my earlier post.

6:07 Divorce?

6:08 Basically, you guys were right. My husband cheated on me. So, he has been staying somewhere else for the last week. It's crushing. I didn't send the photos to a group chat like many of you told me to, but I did talk to my friend's husband. Afterwards, he approached her and she told him everything. Apparently, she had had spicy sleep with my husband a handful of times and sent him many photos on Snapchat. She says they both agreed a couple months ago to stop, but I don't really care. Oh, as long as they had plans to stop, I guess that everything works out fine then.

6:43 We all agreed that we're going to irreparably damage our relationships and then just go back to it like it never happened.

6:53 Yeah, what? I never want to see her or talk to her again in my life. My husband again apologized over and over and insisted that he would never do such a thing again, but I don't think this is going to work.

7:04 That's when you go, you're right, babe. You won't ever cheat on me again because we're done forever. Boom.

7:11 The cheating is really bad, but the lying is absolutely heartbreaking. We haven't told our daughter yet because I'm not sure that I have any of the right words.

7:21 Ugh.

7:21 I just hate this. It's like these types of people don't think in the long run. It's like, oh, we're just having fun right now, blah, blah, blah. Well, we plan to stop at some point and then never say a word. Like, no, it's obviously going to come out.

7:38 A silly man wanted to wet his willy.

7:41 And now you've ruined not only your life, but your wife's life, your child's life, and your friend's life.

7:47 I guess don't tell your daughter to hate her dad, but she probably will. Yeah.

7:52 You could be like, well, I mean, I would definitely get both of you into therapy for sure. Just to like talk through things and try to figure out ways to cope with, you know, your feelings and emotions because there's going to be a lot, especially when you're a teenage girl.

8:04 My God. Just try to co-parent with dignity. Grace.

8:09 Yeah. Yeah. But that's the end of that story.

8:11 I caught my husband secretly searching for hidden cameras. It made me panic. Who's watching us? I am confused and just at a loss for words. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and we get along great. We genuinely love spending time together and have what I'd consider a healthy marriage. We have an eight month old baby and we parent well together. When I say we have a great marriage, I really can't think of anything negative about it. Our disagreements consist of petty things like him forgetting to take the diapers to the trash and the diaper pail is full. or me forgetting to transfer the laundry over because I'm ADHD, lol. I was sitting next to him, and he was looking up something that we

8:55 were discussing. When he opened his phone, I noticed a private browser open, and he was looking up hidden Wi-Fi cameras, like the ones the size of the head of a pin. He closed out of it really fast, and I thought I was mistaken. My curiosity got the best of me, and I looked at his phone. There it was, exactly what I thought. By the way, this comes from Fruits of the Spirit. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

9:25 I'm Dakota. And I'm Savannah. And we're going to read this weird little story about CIA spy cameras. And we're going to have our thoughts, and you get to have your own. And you can put them in the comments, and we'll read them.

9:38 Mwah.

9:39 And OP says he was on a private web page looking at purchasing a small camera you could place anywhere and it wouldn't be seen by the unassisted eye unless you knew where to look. I found this a few days ago and I have no clue what to even think. I can't imagine why he'd be looking at them, especially on a private browser. He never uses private browsers. Sauce.

10:03 I mean, everybody uses a private browser. At some point. I have been feeling uneasy and wondering if he is planning on spying on me or just running possibilities on what use it has through my mind. If he got cameras for the inside of our home, I feel like it would be your standard ring camera, not a small spy camera. I don't even know how to bring it up, if I should bring it up, or what to say to him. I do not feel good about this, and I don't know how to even express that to him.

10:29 It's been bothering me a lot, and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. He didn't purchase it, that I know of, and I checked our Wi-Fi connected devices, and there's nothing I don't recognize. Am I overthinking this, or do I have a valid reason to feel this way? I just feel icky and uncomfortable. I'm not sure what to do from here. Well.

10:49 It is weird, that's for sure.

10:50 I think the first thing you do is you go to your husband and you go, Are you in the CIA? Are you in one of those three-letter agencies? Because why are you buying spy cameras? And then he goes, Huh? What?

11:04 Aw.

11:04 And you go, Ah, no, I saw her. Just tell me what you're doing. Or he goes, keep your voice down.

11:10 They're listening. Shh, shh. I think that's really weird. And I don't know why he would be looking up by cameras. I mean, I would definitely ask about it. I'd be like, hey, are you planning on spying on me or what? Or, like, are you afraid of... Are you paranoid in our house? Do you, like, need these for something? What's going on?

11:29 Like, I truly have no idea what these could be used for. It doesn't make sense he'd be spying on you. Yeah. Right? I mean, unless.

11:37 Unless you gave him a reason to, but I don't know. You said you think it's a happy marriage, so.

11:42 Could there be, why would he need to know your home? Why would he need to know your, or maybe it's so that he knows you're not home. So OP shared the camera link in the comments. OP says, I wish this wasn't happening, but unfortunately it is. I'm 99% sure I have found the camera link that he was looking at, and I guess the whole thing is slightly bigger than a pin, but it's really small and easily hidden. And there are some comments from OP. My ex-boyfriend, prior to my husband, had a really bad problem with tugging his tender to adult entertainment. And he would watch it on his way to work, at work, on his way home, next to me on the couch, without me even knowing.

12:23 Et cetera. What?

12:26 How did you not know? He's just watching it for entertainment?

12:30 How do you not know? He's just sitting there watching it with a blank face. Completely infected.

12:34 Yeah, like.

12:36 Dude, that's like, oof. That's like one of the worst ways you could ever exist. He ended up cheating on me all the time, hiring spicy workers when he'd work in the office a few days a week, slept with women in our bed when I was out of town for my grandma's funeral, and all kinds of sick stuff. That made me very insecure in that relationship and ultimately led to the end of it. So, of course, my mind goes to bad stuff. I hate to even think that way because I don't think it's healthy or fair to seep your past relationship trauma into a new one.

13:07 But it's really hard not to, especially when I have zero inclination on what else it could be for. Genua says, does he work out of the house? Do you guys have a neighbor you want to catch doing something? OP says, I appreciate that. He lays tile. So it definitely is not work related. Well, thank God he doesn't lay pipe.

13:28 You'd be in real hot water then. The part that really weirds me out is if it was anything harmless, he'd talk to me about it. We're very open to each other and talk about everything. I call him like five times a day when he's at work because we just love talking throughout the day. He calls me when something is frustrating at work or when we want to gossip between each other. We have an open line of communication, which is why this is really bothering me. I sort of love it says, honest communication is the only way to move forward. Boom, short and sweet and to the point.

14:01 OP says, I don't even know how to broach this subject. We've never had anything even remotely close to something like this happen. I am not a very confrontational person in general and have always struggled having hard conversations. Hearing that makes me think you actually have no idea if your relationship is healthy or not.

14:19 Yeah, especially considering all the things that happened in your last relationship that you weren't aware of. I'm kind of like, Opie, are you a little oblivious?

14:29 Yeah, you're like, oh, our relationship is perfect. I never confront him about any problems that we have.

14:36 Yeah, it would seem perfect.

14:38 But it's so good. Anyway, which is one big reason I love him so much. He's never given me a reason for a conversation like that in the past. Genuous has... He literally works in bathrooms. This definitely would be weird to me then, too. What do you mean he works in... Oh. Oh.

14:57 Oh. Ooh. I think we both had the realization at the same time.

15:02 It might not be for your house.

15:04 It's going to be for someone else.

15:05 It's going to be for the bathroom of other people?

15:10 Oh, uh-oh.

15:12 Oh, no.

15:13 Oh, no, no, no.

15:15 Opie says, I'm not making excuses at all, but he'd have to know someone's Wi-Fi password to connect the camera, right? And I checked his email and nothing was purchased. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I see all of our mail before he does, and there isn't another place he'd get a delivery at. It was not on Amazon, so he isn't using a locker. I hope it's nothing sinister and perverted.

15:35 I would be devastated.

15:37 Oh, God.

15:39 Also, OP, I hate to break it to you, but, like, do you know how easy it is to make, like, a spam email and a junk Amazon account? Like, for real. Like, you know? Which is why it's, like, it doesn't do any good to just theorize about what this stuff is. You saw this. You need to go to your partner and go, hey, I saw this. What's up with you looking at spy cameras? That caught my eye.

16:02 And then if he acts weird, then you know it's something bad.

16:05 Who you spying on? Yeah. What's going on? Kinder nurse says, are you a stay-at-home mom? Or do you have a nanny or daycare? OP says, I'm stay-at-home mom. Snafu says, have you thought he may think you are cheating on him? If that's the case, he will want to either find out that he is wrong or wants to see proof.

16:24 Getting a spy cam would let him put his mind at ease without raising suspicion from questions. Opie says, no, I do not. He knows I am super loyal and that I would never bring men into our home around our son. Plus, we have a ring camera at the door. I am 30 and he's 38. Nothing crazy. He just isn't techie. He hardly uses social media and really is not on his phone often, which is another reason I'm weirded out by his sudden interest in the camera. And there is an update.

16:51 Yeah, I got to know what this is about. I'm really confused. I like am racking my brain trying to figure out what this is going to be used for. I really don't know.

17:01 I think he's either putting spy cameras in like public places.

17:06 Yeah.

17:07 Or he thinks you're cheating on him.

17:08 Yeah, I think those are the only two options here, unless it's some freaky thing that we are just overlooking.

17:14 Well, we got an update two days later. I sat down with him after he came home from work and I just asked him about it. and why he was looking at that. He said he was looking at getting security cameras for the outside of our home. We have a Ring doorbell camera and had Arlo cameras outside, but they weren't great, and the batteries were always failing after like two days, and he constantly had to charge them.

17:37 We ended up taking them down when we moved. He was watching a video about different cameras and saw a really tiny one, so his curiosity started getting the better of him, and he wanted to see how small they could make cameras. I really believe him, though, because he's never given me any creepy vibes, and he hasn't had any weird spicy sleep or tender tugging tendencies. And prior to us being together, he was celibate for years. So he holds himself to a high moral standard, which is another reason it caught me off guard. We talked about security cameras a few months back when he was taking them down, but we never revisited the conversation again. So my understanding... Is that, I mean, unless you're putting them

18:16 in like a bank vault, like the point of security cameras is kind of to make them obvious. You want the security cameras there so that if a thief looks at your house, they go, I shouldn't even try to break into this house. They've got cameras all over the place.

18:33 Yeah.

18:34 Well, I don't know, because if they see it, then they can destroy it. I don't know. I'm still weary about it, I guess. But why on a private browser? And then he deleted it real fast or whatever. That seems suspicious to me.

18:49 Wait, yeah, that is true. As far as the private browser goes... He isn't good with technology, and he said he had no idea he was in that tab, which I actually do trust him because when he went to show me, he was still on the private browser and had a bunch of normal tabs open. So he was using it like he would a non-private browser and didn't know that was a feature. I can also believe that with you saying he was like 38 and not techie.

19:16 He's just like, I don't even know, whatever. I don't know how to turn it off. That's where all my tabs go now.

19:24 I don't know if he's innocent or not.

19:26 I can't tell. I believe it.

19:28 He has really good alibis.

19:30 All the skeptics that will say there's no way about not knowing the private browser was a thing. He grew up Amish and poor, so he had no access to electronics until his 20s. So with that additional context, yeah, I'm like, oh my, holy cannoli. They make cameras the size of a pin i gotta get me one of those i i'm i was poor and amish i didn't know you could have pin cameras he doesn't lock his phone half the time before putting it in his pocket so i've had him pocket dial me a million times So it is probable that he was on the internet and it switched to private when it was in his pocket.

20:11 He doesn't have face ID to enable that feature. I checked. I trust this curious Amish man.

20:17 I don't know. I'm just on the fence about it. It's like 50-50. He could be completely truthful and just be like, I'm just oblivious to all of this. Sorry.

20:27 I'm like, boomer.

20:28 I don't get it. Or he could be very much like conniving for some odd reason.

20:36 I don't know. I don't know. So like him pocket dialing the whole time has been like, it's all been a clever ruse. Him pretending to be technologically illiterate has just been a long con.

20:49 Not that.

20:50 That he can put tiny cameras in people's bathrooms. I don't know. He's an Amish tile layer. He's just a man of the earth. He's a simple man. My conclusion is he actually was just deep diving into cameras and got lost in the sauce. His body language was normal and he didn't seem alarmed that I saw it. He just chuckled and was like, oh yeah, you seen how small those things are? Isn't that crazy? I deep dive in all kinds of topics in my phone and it's just out of pure curiosity. I was with a tender tugger and a cheater prior to him who would have probably planted cameras in bathrooms, so my trauma from that relationship took over. Mystery solved, and I feel a lot more at ease. And there are some comments here. HeftySugarnaught6044 says,

21:37 That Amish detail definitely explains the tech confusion. Glad your gut was right, and it wasn't anything shady. Opie says, yeah, he was homeschooled until high school when they moved away from the Amish lifestyle. So he definitely isn't as tech savvy as most. I think that's another reason that the size of the camera was fascinating to him. He has no pictures of his own childhood because I guess pictures are against the Amish. And when he was like five or something, they joined and they made his parents burn all their photos. I don't want that lifestyle.

22:09 I don't know about this, man.

22:11 I don't know.

22:12 How are you.

22:13 Still not convinced? I don't know. What do you mean?

22:17 There's something off.

22:18 Yeah, he grew up Amish and homeschooled. That's what's off about him. Now he's 38. If there was something off, he wouldn't have been like, oh, yeah, the thing I was looking at. Isn't it crazy they get so small? Yeah. I don't think so, bro. I don't know. I trust this. You've got a weird radar sometimes.

22:38 What do you mean?

22:41 I mean you've got a weird radar sometimes. You're like the homeschooled 38-year-old Amish man who doesn't even know how to use a private browser tab.

22:53 I don't trust it.

22:54 I have two photos from his childhood because his grandparents, who were not Amish, held on to them, thankfully. Crazy stuff. Misanthrope X says, I do not know how it can even accidentally switch to private browser. I mean, you just literally can. I've done that.

23:11 Yeah.

23:12 This person has a lack of imagination. You literally have to open a menu and click open private browser. What are the odds? Hope he says he doesn't have face ID and he never locks his phone when he puts it in his pocket. He has pocket dialed me. I can't even tell you how many times. So it is not unlikely that he put his phone in his pocket after looking at something on Safari and it swapped. I've heard of crazier things. I could tell by his body language and the way he reacted when I asked about it.

23:38 He was still on the private browser. And when I showed him how to swap it, he was very confused and didn't realize it was a feature. I know my husband and his reaction told me he's being 100% truthful. I definitely believe him. Thank God we have somebody who can actually be like, yeah, no internet. I actually know my husband and I can tell you with 1000% certainty.

24:00 He did not lie to me because I know him. Shut up.

24:05 No, I believe him this time.

24:08 Don't even believe him. Believe OP.

24:11 She was with a crazy man for years and didn't even know.

24:15 Yeah, and now she's with the Amish man who's like, get a load of these tiny cameras. I mean, if you're really guilty, like, would you really have the private browser open and then da-da? You know, him closing it fast must have just been like a random thing. I mean, sometimes, you know, sometimes you just close your phone around. But if you grew up Amish, you wouldn't have that impulse.

24:35 Close your phone around. What's going on anymore? I don't know.

24:38 OP, as long as you trust him, that's good. You know, problem solved, problem solved. Then live happily ever after.

24:44 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

24:47 My wife mocked me beyond repair, so I'm secretly filing for divorce.

24:53 Oh.

24:54 Um, okay. I, 27 male, never posted because I was too insecure and embarrassed. and I took solace in the idea that there might be some way to dig ourselves out of this hole. But lately, things have been very, very bad, and last night was the cherry on top of a horrendous year. My wife, 27 female, and I had our third child on February 2nd. The last time we did anything spicy-related was a week or so before that, and the passionate kissing stopped shortly after. Intimacy and our relationship were perfectly fine, after the first and second childbirth, so there was no sign things would suddenly go sour after a third was born. Lately, whenever my wife senses I might be wanting spicy sleep, she makes overt references

25:38 to her period coming up or being on it, which is strange because she was saying the same thing a week or two prior. Two periods a month, sometimes that happens with hormones and everything, and also if she just gave birth, she is bleeding profusely. A few months after things started going downhill, I turned to handling things myself in our bathroom. I never thought it would come to that, but there was a lot of pent-up frustration and longing for fulfillment that I missed. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? Last week was our coldest yet. Um, a little pecks on the cheek, forced embraces before work, and a lot of cold shouldering and short answers all day, every day. By the way, this comes from, is that

26:21 all there is 15? And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

26:27 I'm Dakota.

26:28 And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, the worst offender was last night, and it's what finally made me post. It was an impersonal evening as always. After dinner and putting the kids to bed, I went to the bathroom for my nightly shower and wank. Midway through, my wife barged in, I forgot to lock, stared for a few seconds, cackled, and walked out shaking her head.

26:59 And now you feel embarrassed because you didn't have a talk and instead she found you doing that. I jumped into the shower without finishing.

27:06 Quick, everyone cry.

27:07 Like, oh no.

27:10 That was the audience.

27:12 She didn't say a word about it or any words at all when I came back to the room and got in bed. She was reading a book and I was browsing Reddit. When I put my phone aside and laid down a few moments of silence later, she said, just so you know, Your wiener.

27:25 Is getting small.

27:28 Why would she say that?

27:31 What? Is that a thing?

27:36 I didn't respond and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. Is the marriage over?

27:42 Bro, honestly, you know what? We're dunking on the OP on this one. Being married to you sounds like an absolute nightmare. This is a guy who's just like, everything is not my fault whatsoever.

27:56 Are my young children oblivious to the lack of chemistry? How do I communicate with her? And where should I see this going from here? And there's an update.

28:04 Talk to her.

28:05 You have to talk to her. She's also part of the relationship.

28:08 Ding, ding, ding. What?

28:10 I know it's a surprise, but she also can probably communicate what she's looking for as well.

28:16 Update.

28:17 Since some people are private messaging me asking what other emasculating gestures my wife has made this year. Danced with half a dozen other men on a booze cruise for a friend's birthday in September. The last remotely datey thing we have done. Constantly jokes to her parents and close friends about me becoming a neglectful father if I'm five minutes late from work. Storms through open doors whenever I hold them for her and doesn't say anything. Ignores me completely when I say good morning every morning. Sent me into the lady's restroom with her two older children, both girls, and made jokes about it to strangers at the mall.

28:55 You honestly sound like the least fun person alive. This is the kind of stuff that you're keeping a list of? You're honestly pathetic. I hate to say it. I just.

29:07 I mean, like, yeah, I guess if these are. But the thing is, have you talked to her about it? Have you expressed that these are problems to you?

29:14 No.

29:14 Yeah. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say absolutely not. He probably just went upstairs to the bathroom to tug his tender about it. Yeah. And so it's like, dude, this is my wife's fault that I'm doing this.

29:27 Yeah. And if it's like if you have a problem, you need to talk to her because how does she know? We are not mind readers. Just like you guys are not our mind readers.

29:35 Yeah, even if it is a problem, it's like, shut up. It's like not. I'm sorry, but like. me telling my parents, yeah, oh, he was late five minutes from work. Yeah, next, better watch out this guy. This guy's going to go get the milk and never come back. And if that hurt me, I'd go, hey, I actually take being a father very seriously.

29:54 And it hurts me when I hear you say things like that. And then she might go, oh. Oh my god, okay, I'll never make that joke again. Instead, you're just freaking tugging it, bro.

30:04 You're sweeping everything under the rug and then tugging on it.

30:07 You're sweeping and tugging, man. What are we doing?

30:09 You just sweep and tug, sweep and tug. Insisted I walk 10 feet behind her at the grocery store so people wouldn't assume she was married. The list goes on and on. Through everyone's comments and a lot of deep thinking, I've realized my marriage is being held hostage by my own wife, the woman I married because we were in love.

30:26 I had a one-on-one talk with her last night and brought up some of the great points people posted. She turned each and every one against me and made it seem like I was conspiring to ruin our marriage. She told me she's allowed to not talk to me if she doesn't want to, and that spicy sleep was never part of any contract when we got married. When I hinted that divorce or separation might be an option if the hostility continues, She told me she wasn't going to let this marriage become a failure and that was that.

30:54 Last night was the first time I was sent to sleep in the guest room of my own house. She's no doubt phoned her parents because I've received numerous calls from my father-in-law to my office all day, which I have declined 100%. The children are being looked after by the nanny right now and things will be back to normal tonight. by which I mean she'll keep being cold.

31:14 For the record, my wife and I are both full-time workers who split responsibilities for the kids, with the nanny while we're in the office. She is not a stay-at-home mom like a lot of you assumed.

31:24 Facts.

31:24 We got married six years ago. She started withholding spicy-related activities shortly before the birth of our third child. Her parents, or at least her father, are 100% on her side and have made my phone explode whenever there seems to be a minor problem in our household. Okay.

31:40 Opinion shifting.

31:42 Yeah, I didn't think this... Like, OP, I don't think that you're a bad person, but I mean, having these one-on-one talks and then she just shuts you down, like, that's not a good feeling. So I understand why you've been, like, you know, doing the deed on your own.

31:56 I do, yeah. I thought this was only happening for a couple months, not for three years. I thought this had just started. I didn't realize this was happening for years. Got married six years ago. She started withholding the activity three years ago. Wait, shortly before the birth of our third child.

32:13 Yeah.

32:13 Oh, never mind.

32:14 I'm an idiot.

32:15 I don't know. It really just depends how you worded it, because I could also see UOP being very dramatic about it and pointing it into a like, woe is me perspective. But I'm going to keep going. We have not done anything spicy related since January of this year. Edit, I'm going to consult a friend from college who works in law and see what he suggests about starting a divorce process without my wife knowing. Tonight, I'm going to sleep in my own bed, and if she doesn't like that, she can take the guest room. I'm going to help my oldest with her homework, serve my children dinner, and enjoy the solace of my own home.

32:49 Okay, I have, I gotta, I gotta look up, I gotta, I gotta look up the date. He said January of this year, I need to look up when this was posted. Because if you're going to stop... All of the other reasons he said, other than being like, oh, walk behind me in the grocery store because I don't want people to think I'm... I don't want people to think I'm single.

33:08 If that's not like a funny ha-ha, if that's for real for real, I don't even think I stay after that. I think that starts a very real conversation of what the hell did you just do in the grocery store? And if you really feel that way... We can make that happen, actually.

33:27 Could get twisted.

33:28 I don't know.

33:29 I'm torn because the way that she's reacting isn't great, but also the way he's reacting isn't great either. So I don't know. I'm up in the air because we got a second update. As you can imagine, it's been a chaotic week intensified by the upcoming holidays. I met with my lawyer friend over the weekend and had a five hour heart to heart. He reiterated a lot of the comments from the threads and said he and others had noticed little things here and there throughout my relationship.

33:57 It was a relief to finally have honest support from someone in real life. He advised me to get copies of documents proving full or partial ownership of our home, cars, and other items, and I have secured all of that as of today. I have not seen my wife or children since Sunday. When we had a loud argument, I yelled at her for the first time and she called me a loser and blamed the impending doom on me.

34:20 I have 75 plus missed calls from her and her parents and even more texts, some from our oldest saying she doesn't want to see daddy anymore. I suspect my wife and her parents put her.

34:33 Up to it.

34:34 I mean, I don't it just seems like this marriage is not working. It seems like neither of you want to put in the work. You're complaining about this. She's complaining about this. It doesn't seem like there's any compromise happening on either side. So, yeah, I think best thing here is for a divorce if that's.

34:50 Yeah, I wouldn't want to be married to either one of you.

34:54 I'm bracing myself, but the plan is in motion. My friend introduced me to someone who can help me file, and the estimated time for my wife to be served is by the end of the workday. My only regret is that I won't be there to see her face, though after rereading the threads all week, I'm sure I never want to see it again anyway. Some of you will be pleased to know I'm not barricading myself in a cheap motel, but treating myself to a well-earned stay in a luxury hotel in the city right by my office.

35:23 Figured I might as well enjoy life before things punt off. Room service and housekeeping all the way. Lots of love and happy holidays, everyone. I'll be spending mine locked in my hotel room eating peanut butter sandwiches all by myself. Congrats? I don't know if this could have been salvaged. I'm really not sure. But from the looks of it, it seems like you were just done with it and she's done with it. So at least someone's doing something about it, I guess.

35:51 Yeah, I don't know. I feel like there's like two different versions of this story and we read them at the same time. And one is like he just like there was like a snowball rolling down a hill and he just like watched it roll and get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And then he tried to stop it and it rolled over him. And he went, there was nothing I could have ever done about this. Yeah.

36:11 Which is like, no, you could have just reached your hand out and stopped the snowball a little earlier. Yeah. By being like, hey, do we hate each other? What's going on here?

36:21 It doesn't seem like you can salvage anything from this. Seems like this was over a while ago, but neither of you said anything, which is also very weird. So you just kind of sat in it and was like, well, this is it. I guess we just have to get used to it. But nobody wanted to get used to it. And so then you just argued. And then it just became this mess. And also thinking of the timeline, he said they hadn't been, you know, like, or this had been happening since January. And now he's saying happy holidays.

36:50 So now I'm thinking it has gone the entire year.

36:53 Yeah, definitely.

36:54 Yeah. So that's just crazy. I mean, maybe you should have done it sooner if you were that unhappy. I don't know. But I wish you both luck. And hopefully everything can work out in the end. I'm not really sure it will, though.

37:07 And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good time boy host here. We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I rescued my neglected cousin and half of my family disowned me.

37:24 Well, at least it's not all of your family.

37:27 Me, male 30, and wife, female 27. Own a sizable farm that's usually the nexus of family events. Five bedrooms, three bathrooms, 300 acres. And hookups for four campers so the whole clan... don't like that word, can stay for extended visits in the summer. We built it that way deliberately. My cousin Bill, male, early 50s, has a daughter, Alice, female, 18, from his first marriage. His first wife was an immigrant with no family here or back home. She passed away when Alice was two and Bill remarried Tanya, female, early 50s, six months later. Why do I feel like that needs to be like a crime documentary? Like someone needs to look into that. His first immigrant wife with no family anywhere mysteriously passes away, and six months later, Tanya walks in? Coincidence?

38:16 I think not.

38:17 They have since had three kids, male 14, male 12, female 8. Alice is a brat. Everything in their house revolves around the boys or their princess, and Alice is left behind.

38:30 I thought it was to show the boys.

38:31 Yeah, wait. That's not typically the recipe for a brat. The neglected brat. Yeah, true.

38:38 Usually I have to get too much attention than a brat.

38:41 Alice doesn't get to go on family trips. They wouldn't pay for extracurricular stuff. She couldn't take elective classes with extra fees. I'm not a smart man, but I can recognize a kid that's hurting inside and being neglected. She's like Mr. Hyde with them and Dr. Jekyll elsewhere. For the last four summers, she's been coming to work on my farm because her parents don't want her around over summer break. She turned 18 recently, and her dad was very adamant she was being ungrateful. removed from their house when she turned 18 because it will teach her responsibility.

39:15 By the way, I'm responsible to let you know that this comes from Striking Emphasis 34. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.

39:25 I'm Savannah.

39:25 I'm Keon.

39:26 We're going to read this story and talk about it and maybe give some advice, but we don't know everything. So keep that in mind as you leave your own comments telling us what you think. And OP says, We discussed it. And early on her birthday, we pulled up with my truck and packed her stuff. We only took things she had purchased herself or that were given to her.

39:49 My boss got creative with our benefits provider so we could get Alice on my medical benefits until she finishes university so she can go to therapy and get back into sports while saving her money. He reads this subreddit a lot so even though this is a throwaway, I know you'll read this, chief. This is where it all comes apart. Bill and Tanya are pissed that we took her in and refused to come to family events. Part of the family refused, too, because I'm undermining Banya. I'll understand when I have kids. Then a few others said that with gas so expensive and not everyone attending... They'd skip as well. My answer of okie dokie, come if you want and don't if you don't further upset people who thought I should have tried harder. So now we're

40:35 down to about a fourth of the family at events. That's so annoying. When people go, yeah, I don't know if we can make it. And you go, OK, well, make it if you can. And if you can't, don't worry about it. Then they go, wow, check a look, get a load of this guy who doesn't care at all.

40:52 See, that's why I just go to everything because I just feel bad. I can never be the victim.

40:56 You're your own victim, Savannah.

40:58 Anyway, my aunt suggested we have Alice over on weekends and that she stay in a dorm during the week to smooth things over. I think that's dumb, but I'm dumb and stubborn. My wife thinks it's dumb, too, and she's really smart, but she's also very attached to the situation. Alice said she'd rather stay with us but would try the dorms to make peace. Am I the a-hole for not going with the dorm suggestion to keep the peace?

41:24 What's up with Alice? Why is the whole family united in not liking Alice?

41:31 Because she's not in Wonderland right now.

41:34 Is she the only child of.

41:36 Or maybe just because she's a girl?

41:38 Maybe because her mom was, uh, different? I don't know. I don't... I don't know! This is a complicated family politics situation, and I don't like it. There's an edit for info. I called Alice a brat, but it's typical teenage acting out. Cranked up. Slamming doors. Screaming matches with her stepmom. Swearing. Three or four big blowouts a week.

42:05 Over disproportionately small stuff. All right, that's a lot. Maybe that's why she's not included in the stuff. Three or four blowouts a week?

42:13 Wait, are you saying the mom has three or four blowouts or Alice? Alice.

42:18 Alice is having blowout matches with freaking a crazy.

42:22 I want more context on her.

42:24 But see, okay, so that's why OP's talking about like what I see underneath the blowouts is just Alice is like a kid that needs help and attention and therapy.

42:36 Yeah, what came first, the chicken or the egg here? What came first, Alice being disregarded or Alice having the blowups and all this stuff? What came first?

42:44 Well, I got to say, if I'm Alice and my mom passes away and then my dad remarries a different woman six months later, I don't think I'd like that woman. I don't think I'd be able to like that woman without extensive assistance.

43:01 This is true. Anyway. Anyway.

43:04 I've watched Alice grow and the acting out definitely came after the exclusion from family stuff. Edit two mini update. I ripped the bandaid off with the old fam jam and told them fewer mouths to feed isn't the punishment they thought it was. That anyone still coming is welcome and that I'd use the extra cash to help the folks worried about gas prices make it out. I'm in like four family group chats and they're all lighting up.

43:32 I'm turning my phone on silent and letting the sparks fly. And there's a third edit. All righty. Here's the update. We're all about Team Alice. She is a Redditor apparently and came across the post independently. There were tears born of stress and relief. And she's staying here with us until she's ready for the next chapter. She's got classes picked and is looking into a women's rec hockey league.

43:57 Get your anger out.

43:59 Honestly, that would be best.

44:01 Big news, everyone. Tanya drove down this morning. Bill and I had some very loud, very angry words when he came down last night after I chose the nuclear option in the group chats. So Tanya actually waved a white flag from her car when she pulled up. You guys are fun. You guys are fun. I actually, you know what?

44:22 I like these guys. Imagine you put, you're in an argument with someone and they pull up to your house and they wave a white flag out of their window. I'm immediately like, all right, let's talk. You got me. Let's discuss. I shooed the dogs and alpaca away. I brought her a muffin, and we had a chat. Allegedly, Bill was only threatening to remove Alice from the home to scare her straight. They weren't actually gonna do it, and they were caught off guard when we showed up on her birthday. I told her she was missing the point, and that I'm not sure I could use small enough words to explain it. Ho ho.

45:00 Oof.

45:00 She cried, peeled out of my driveway at Mach 7, and it's been radio silence since, which I'm enjoying. Thanks, everyone, for the support. You're a good bunch. Keep your sticks on the ice. And there's another update. There's an update here. But before we get into that, I think that that shows the perfect downfall of telling somebody something really serious and impactful that you're going to do to them that's going to affect their life. If you don't mean it, don't say it. They might just, you know, do something about it. Then you go, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. No, we didn't mean it.

45:35 We just wanted to scare you.

45:37 Too late. I'm living at my cool uncle and aunt's farm. I'm riding alpacas. I'm going to college. And like, honestly, like if I think if you're having three to four blowouts a week with like your family, I think that regardless of fault or, you know, I think just removing yourself from that environment is good for everybody.

45:59 Yeah, truly, it's not working, I don't think, obviously for Alice, but then also for the family. Everyone's just fighting constantly, so if it's going to lessen the stress for Alice to be removed and for her to go with OP, then yeah, I think that we'll saw. And they kind of like, I mean, that's what they're hoping for.

46:19 Right.

46:20 And yeah. And it seems like it would work. And, and like if the whole thing with the whole family being upset was because you're undermining Bill and Tanya, I think now would be a great time to let them know, Hey, Tanya just came over to my house and told me that thing that we're undermining them about was never actually going to happen. So now what's going on now? Is everyone going to be mad at them now? Because they undermined themselves?

46:42 It's like, is it the lose-lose situation, or can we find a compromise? Right now, it's seeming like it's, you know, lose-lose, but also, in the end, it's gonna work out? I don't know. Like, why? This seems like the normal, logical solution, so I don't understand why there's still an issue.

46:57 Opie's just looking out for Alice, and the entire family is like, how dare you? How dare you do this? Let him know. There's an update. So about a year ago... My cousin Alice moved in with my wife and me on her 18th birthday after being told to move out by her parents. I'm here with an update at her suggestion. Guys, did it go well?

47:18 It went probably super well.

47:21 The good. A year later, she's a year into an engineering degree, playing lots of hockey, raised a couple of steers on her own, and at her therapist's recommendation, she's down to monthly sessions after starting weekly. She's the same sweet kid, but without the stress of being treated like an also-ran-alongside-her-younger-siblings. The bad. Her dad showed up about a month after my original post, and a confrontation ended with a peace bond being issued, restricting how Bill and Tanya could contact Alice, me and my missus, or a couple other family members. After the six months were up, Tanya got back to her old tricks and But Bill seems to have smartened up a bit. The peace bond meant Alice has had limited contact with her siblings, which has

48:12 been tough. The oldest started out hostile, but other cousins filled him in, which I got blamed for his shift in attitude because we've established I'm just the worst. The gossipy family mellowed out when they realized the gravy train wasn't stopping for them. Thanksgiving was 26 people compared to the 60-plus that came the last year before the vid.

48:35 Easter this year was back up to an even 40. So we'll probably plateau a little short of the old numbers. As for resolution, Bill has been texting Alice every couple of days. They've gone for coffee a few times since the peace bond expired. Quote, I'd go to his funeral... but not his birthday party, were Alice's words when I asked where they're at right now. I'm hoping time can heal that wound, but she's been really good at setting boundaries.

49:01 To quote one of the great warrior poets of our time, John Cougar Mellencamp, life goes on. Here's some closure, guys. And there's another update! Update three, because I'm a bit scatterbrained, I'm going to do this in parts. It has been a greasy horror show in a lot of ways, but everyone I care about is okay. That's a win, and we take those. So, Bill. He's been trying his best, I'll give him that. He seemed to genuinely want to fix the relationship, texting Alice daily at first, now weekly.

49:32 I got my hackles up over that, but Alice told me we didn't have enough to talk about when I lived there to talk every day. Once a week is plenty. He's been advised to stay away from me, my missus, and our property, but we've been cordial when we cross paths by accident. He and Tanya are separated. They had been fighting nonstop about Alice since we took her. Their oldest son refused to talk to Bill since they split in October. Their younger son is weathering it as well as a kid can, and their daughter is a daddy's girl, devastated she's only seeing him on weekends. Nobody's told me what happened the night it all blew up. And to be honest, I don't even give enough of a crap to ask. Reaping is never as fun as sewing, and

50:15 Bill's learning that. This hasn't impacted Alice too much. Quick aside on that subject, I'm very proud of her. She navigates incredibly nuanced situations with a level of emotional intelligence I know she didn't pick up from me, so we'll chalk that up to my missus going full mama bear. On to Alice, she is doing really well. School is good.

50:35 She's working part-time in an engineering-adjacent role at a company on her list to apply to when she convocates. She sold off her steers and hasn't raised more because there's only so many hours in a day. We're looking at subdividing some of the property in a few years so she can build her own place and have independence with the title in her name, where she's not beholden to us in any way. On to the rest of the family, with Binya separating... A bunch of people who were firmly in the camp of me being the source of discord reached out to say they had changed their minds. Aw, would you look at that?

51:11 I would have never guessed.

51:14 Not that they apologized, just that their opinions had changed. Oh my goodness, I told them to piss up a rope and suck the wet end. We're done hosting the large gatherings every holiday. A lot of my side still comes, but it's a smaller number. All people who respect us instead of showing up for a free meal and drinky poos. Yeah, OP, you did everything flawlessly. You say that you're scatterbrained and all that stuff, but I don't know how you could be if you managed to navigate four family group chats and all of this insanity. And also you somehow got Alice raising steers on her own that were hers to sell.

51:53 Let's just finish this story.

51:54 Hey.

51:55 As for my misses, that's the exciting news alluded to previously. We've officially begun creating an army of clones.

52:03 The clone wars have begun.

52:05 Real clones are expensive and require a lab, so we've opted for an artificial one. We've got a little boy on the way, due end of July. The whole thing hit me harder than I expected. Comments kept pointing out that it's a lot easier to make waves when you're already the black sheep, and that led to a lot of introspection. Realizing my family had just gone from seeing me as a liability to an asset rather than actually loving me was rough. Thankfully, I'm married to the most amazing person to grace this earth and the family that genuinely loves me came through too. All is well, life is good, and I'm back to being the BFG, which is how I'm happiest. But that is the end of that story. It was a nice one.

52:47 My cousin uninvited my boyfriend to her wedding, but didn't have the courage to tell me.

52:53 Awkward.

52:55 My cousin, 28 female, and I, 26 female, are incredibly close. Practically like sisters. We've shared everything from childhood memories to discussing our love lives. I've always been there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever a guy broke her heart. She is getting married this December. In my country, everyone pays for their own seat at the table. By the way, this comes from Deleted, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

53:22 I'm Dakota.

53:22 I'm Keon.

53:23 And we're here to read some stories and give you some advice. In a little goofy way, but guess what? We don't have all the answers. We can only tell you what we would do. We don't really know a lot. I mean, we know some, but eh. But let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says... I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for four years, and we're eagerly planning our own future together, including getting married after we finish our theses.

53:48 Despite our close bond, my cousin has never met my boyfriend in person, only through video calls. I've extended invitations for her to visit and meet him numerous times, but due to her busy schedule, she's never been able to make it. Conversely, I've made the effort to travel to her city and meet her boyfriend. We were eagerly anticipating the moment when they would finally meet at her wedding, and we had even discussed it during our last conversation.

54:14 We had dreams of traveling the world together, making plans, and continuing to be the inseparable duo, now four, we've always been. However, my excitement was abruptly shattered when my mom received a call from my aunt, my cousin's mom, delivering unexpected news. They had decided not to invite significant others of family members to the wedding due to budget constraints, while still allowing the partners of her friends to attend.

54:38 This decision felt like a slap in the face, particularly after all the anticipation we had shared about her and her partner finally meeting mine at her wedding. I couldn't shake the feeling that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some of whom had let her down multiple times in the past, and that they take me for granted. I don't understand because you said that everyone's kind of paying for their seat, so I don't know why there would be budget constraints if you're not actually paying for everyone to be there. They're paying for themselves to be there.

55:11 Yeah. Maybe it's like budget constraints on like catering, but no, because you're buying your own seat. That includes buying your own seat. Maybe it's like the size of the venue. I don't know. It would be really, really extra of your cousin to do this just so that she doesn't have to meet your boyfriend. That would be super extra.

55:29 I doubt it's because of that.

55:31 Until that's confirmed, like this really just feels like somebody's going to have to be upset. And I don't want all my friends to be upset.

55:39 It's like we can't just have one person not come. So let's just uninvite a lot of people. So then it feels fair.

55:44 But also let's let's keep reading.

55:46 The news left me feeling devastated. It wasn't just about not being invited anymore. It felt like I had lost a piece of my family. All the plans we had made together suddenly evaporated. While my boyfriend wasn't angry, he understandably questioned the value of investing in future vacations with someone who hadn't even invited him to their wedding. Additionally, it hurt even more that my cousin didn't have the courage to tell me herself. Instead, she had her mom relay the message through mine. When I expressed my disappointment, some family members, particularly uncles and aunts, accused me of ruining my cousin's wedding day by speaking up. They argued that it was her day and she had the right

56:24 to do as she pleased. However, I couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal. While I understood weddings are expensive, my boyfriend had even offered to pay for his seat, as is customary in our country. So am I the a-hole for speaking up? And there's an edit.

56:39 I feel like before you do anything to stir the pot, you could just reach out to your cousin directly and be like, hey, I understand that you have to make decisions for budget, but could my boyfriend still come and he pays for himself? Because I was so looking forward to him meeting you and also your partner and us meeting. Meeting, you know? Can we make, he'll pay whatever needs to be paid?

57:09 Yeah, because if it's money constraints, and if he's paying for himself, then it should work, right?

57:15 And, you know, she can come back with the, well, that wouldn't be fair to everyone else.

57:19 There is an edit here. I'd like to add that I am particularly hurt because my cousin didn't tell me herself, though we spoke on the phone yesterday morning, and she knew she was not inviting my boyfriend, and that my aunt was going to call any day to deliver the news. Yet she didn't say a word about retracting the verbal invitation.

57:38 Posting this here because I want to see both sides of the problem before speaking directly to my cousin. I don't want to act out of anger without getting perspective. I mean, that's smart. But yeah, it is weird that she's kind of, I mean, maybe she thought it would lessen the blow or maybe she's just super stressed and she felt bad. And so she's like, can someone else deal with this while I like deal with wedding stuff?

57:59 You know, I don't know.

58:01 I feel like it's pretty normal for that to happen, right?

58:04 Yeah, I would think.

58:06 Messages are relayed down the grapevine.

58:08 But if there's no grapevine, no messages are being relayed.

58:11 Yeah, I would say don't be angry and just talk.

58:15 That's the only way you're going to get answers, is if you talk to the person who is directly giving the orders. You know, being like, hey, what's going on?

58:22 OP's taking it really personal that she wasn't contacted and told directly from the cousin. And is then filling in that gap with her own, like, you know, I'm upset and I'm hurt emotionally because she did this. But really, like, it probably didn't happen with any consideration to you one way or the other. And it's like, it has really, it's like, it's not about you at all. I don't know.

58:44 Let's see the update. Update. Long story short, my cousin uninvited my boyfriend from her wedding out of the blue without giving a plausible explanation and not even calling herself, but sending her mother to tell my mother who ultimately told me I was judged as not the a-hole. So I had a conversation with my cousin a couple of days back. It seems like it was a mix of her own decision and her mother's influence. Long story short, she is considering making an exception. for my boyfriend, but she couldn't confirm yet. She said she wouldn't know until last minute. However, my aunt informed my mother that they had collectively decided not to make any exceptions. Now, either my cousin or my aunt is not being truthful, and

59:25 I'm leaning towards my aunt. Here's how it all unfolded. Right from the start, I could sense her nervousness. As you may recall, my aunt had informed my mother that they weren't including cousins' boyfriends in the guest list due to budget constraints. I knew this wasn't the real reason. Their financial status is more than comfortable, but naturally I didn't confront her directly about it. Instead, I expressed surprise that she hadn't mentioned it to me herself, to which she had no response. And I found the decision where her friend's boyfriends were invited but not her cousin's boyfriends quite bizarre. Eventually, she confessed. The budget excuse was made up by her mother, as I suspected. The actual reason

1:00:07 behind this odd rule was that she didn't like some of her cousins from her other side of the family who aren't related to me. Their boyfriends. She simply didn't want to see them at the wedding. Her solution was to exclude any family boyfriends, including mine, from the guest list. After this, she did mention her intention to try to make an exception for me. However, she said she would not be able to confirm until a few months had passed.

1:00:32 I have no idea why. She literally said, I'll try to invite him at the last minute. The conversation ended there with me not really knowing how to feel. We didn't argue, but we weren't as sweet to each other as we usually are.

1:00:45 So Opie's cousin's mom, who is not getting married, is making the unilateral decision that, well, I don't like these people's boyfriends, so no one's allowed to bring their boyfriend to the wedding. And it's like, stop. Stop letting these people you don't like control your life and live in your head rent-free. Just stop.

1:01:04 I have cousins that I don't really... Well, I have one cousin that I just really don't like for no reason. But obviously, she's still going to be invited to my wedding. I understand that you don't want people who you don't like at your wedding, especially if they're not actually family. These are just extensions, like cousins, boyfriends, you know? So I don't know. I would... It's your wedding. I feel like you can tell some people, like you can tell OP, yeah, you can bring yours because I want to meet him and I'm excited and blah, blah, blah. And I feel like it'd be fun.

1:01:33 But not.

1:01:34 Tell the others, like, don't give your cousins, you know, a plus one. And I feel like that's, you know, that is your role. You can do that. It's your wedding. You don't want them there. Then don't have them there. You know, no hard feelings. It's just my day.

1:01:47 So, yeah. And the moms being like, well, these people are going to be problematic and I don't like them. So we're going to do this thing that is problematic and people don't like and creates a problem. You're making a problem before any of these other people are.

1:02:01 Mind you, I did not tell her I wanted an exception made with me or anything like that. I promise. I would never try to change a guest list. The only thing I complained about was not being told by her directly. Absolutely nothing else. The exception thing was only her doing, not mine. The relatives who told me I was ruining the wedding by complaining have not apologized or talked to me about the issue yet, and I don't really think they will.

1:02:28 They're really good at that, just letting you figure it out.

1:02:30 Saying stuff, causing a ruckus, and being like, figure it out. I'm at a loss for how to feel about all this. I think there were far more tactful ways to handle the situation. I can't even decide if this revelation makes things better or worse, lol. Anyway, thank you very much for your help. And that's all.

1:02:48 Dang.

1:02:49 I don't know. I mean, I hope that he gets to come. But, I mean, I guess it's not up to you, so... All you can do is hope for.

1:02:58 The best, I guess. Yeah, this feels like it was her mom way more than her. And I don't think you are really mad at your cousin. And I think probably the reason that she didn't tell you is because she doesn't really want that to happen. And it's not like her prerogative. It's a weird place because, you know, who knows? Mom's probably like funding a lot of the wedding.

1:03:20 She's clearly got a lot of sway. And like, you know, a person like that is very hard to deal with. especially in the midst of having to do your wedding. So it's like, well, I can either fight my mother or I can just accept and take the more peaceful path.

1:03:38 I can understand both sides here, but I do... It does suck that she did that. It is like a punch to the gut. It's like, okay, you know, we're all leaning up to this. You said this months ago, and now all of a sudden it's like, oh, just kidding. My mom feels like this would be a better option. It's like, what do you think, actually?

1:03:55 It's your wedding. Yeah, and just it being the lie, too, of like, it's the budget. It's like that made no sense from the very beginning.

1:04:03 That's the best excuse we got, is blame it on the budget when everyone's paying for themselves.

1:04:06 But that's the end of that story, and we got another one coming right up. Hey, it's Carly, Keon's girlfriend, here.

1:04:13 We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1:04:18 My parents couldn't stand me being so close to my estranged sibling, so they crashed our trip.

1:04:24 You're not invited.

1:04:25 Get out of here. I, 19 male, have been living in Europe since I turned 18. I went directly into work from high school and have been almost entirely self-sufficient since I moved. One of the biggest factors for this decision was my parents' issues with my identity as a bi-man.

1:04:43 Bicentennial, bipolar, biracial.

1:04:46 Bi-man.

1:04:47 You say, bi-man. They never disowned me outright, but they consistently tell me ways I can change back and refer to the me from before I came out as an entirely different person. They have even referred to the me from before as their actual child. The first year I lived abroad, I ended up going back to the U.S.

1:05:08 for the holidays, and it was rough for a myriad of reasons. The following Christmas, I decided not to go through the same thing and informed my parents I wouldn't be visiting the U.S. I used the excuse of not having enough vacation days, and they left it alone. My aunt, who is supportive enough, and the reason I could even move to Europe, suggested I should spend the season visiting my sibling Sam, 23, non-binary, in Canada... since she knew I was much closer to them than my parents. By the way, this comes from OK Entertainment 2321. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota.

1:05:44 I'm Savannah.

1:05:45 I'm Keon.

1:05:45 And we're going to read this story. We're going to have our thoughts, but we don't know everything. We're just a couple of goofballs. So let us know what you know in the comments. And OP says, For context, everyone else in my family is pretty tolerant. My older brother has begun to break out of their bubble and has been reaching out to learn more about LGBTQ topics, but he is still stuck on some of our parents' ideas.

1:06:10 Sam moved out years before I did, moving to Canada when they were 18 for college and never moving back, and never fully came out to our parents. My coming out was a rough affair that stretched out for years as I had to fight for my parents to believe me. They still don't. Sam decided they don't want the drama of all that, and we bonded on our shared queerness.

1:06:32 After figuring out that I had enough funds to even do the trip, I was beyond ecstatic. It had been years since I'd seen Sam, as they had been slowly cutting off the family, and spending Christmas with someone I cared about and who cared about me sounded amazing. We messaged almost every day discussing ideas, costs, timings, logistics, and eventually settled on a pretty relaxed trip with money set aside for a few big dinners. At some point, I had the usual forced phone call with my parents where they tried to show me they had interest in my life.

1:07:05 I was so excited about the trip, I ended up telling them all about it. They were a little shocked, but they seemed to let it go pretty easily, and I moved on to small talk about my job. Unfortunately, the next day they started spamming me about covering my flights to see them that Christmas. I was understandably confused and clarified that I was visiting Sam that Christmas, but They explained that it would be so much cheaper if they covered my tickets to see them, and then I bought tickets to visit Sam from there instead of from Europe, which would have cut my visit to Canada from two weeks to three days. I refused and said that I had already purchased the tickets, and they relented. At least

1:07:41 I thought they did. That's crazy that he's like, I'm, yeah. So your parents are going to do a one, two, skip to my Lou. Oops. We're in Canada too. Um, we informed them that we had planned for a very chill stay in Christmas and would be paying for everything ourselves. Our parents affirmed that it would be fine because Mike had his allowance about a hundred dollars a month. Me and Sam were floored. They were sending their youngest child to a foreign country with only a hundred bucks on very short notice. It was already 30 bucks for an Uber to the house. And since Sam didn't have a car, that would be how Mike would be getting to and from the airport. That's already half his allowance. And we were planning to do much more traveling along with expensive meals.

1:08:46 I raised my concerns and our parents waved us off saying he could always dip into his savings. about 850 bucks, which was given to us by our grandparents when we were born and they added to every birthday. It became clearer and clearer that they were more so sending Mike in an attempt to have some kind of control over our Christmas than for him to actually enjoy his trip.

1:09:06 Can you imagine sending a kid to just a country? $ 100? Fend for yourself.

1:09:11 Yeah, they're basically trying to be like, well, OP and Sam will just have to take care.

1:09:15 I just want to see the argument that Mike's having, like, I don't want to go.

1:09:18 Can't you like just reach out to him and be like, do you even want to do this? Like they're not giving you any money and we're not paying for you.

1:09:26 Well, they're paying for his trip. Like they're paying for his flight, but that's it. And he's going to stay there for two weeks as well. You're going to need a little bit over $ 850.

1:09:36 I think the avenue here is to get Mike to not want to go. Though they didn't let up on trying to guilt trip us on how sad Mike had been that he couldn't spend Christmas with us. It also became clear that they were not comfortable having the two of us spend an entire vacation together as they didn't want us to create an echo chamber to talk bad about them. They often refer to our conversations as echo chambers if it was about anything they didn't agree with or want us talking about. Thankfully, we had four days to ourselves before Mike arrived, which included Christmas Day. thanks to them buying their tickets last minute, which was a blessing.

1:10:11 We did talk bad about them. When our brother finally did arrive, we did our best to keep everything fun and civil. We invited him to play group games and video games, figured out how we could include him in playing Minecraft, since he didn't bring a computer. But he refused every time as he wanted to continue playing his phone game that he had gotten very far into. Fair enough.

1:10:31 I get really into games sometimes too. But I was getting increasingly agitated that he would go complaining to our parents about us not including him.

1:10:38 That's fine. He's not your responsibility. In a sense, he is, but he's not really.

1:10:41 Yeah, it's like at some point, you just got to be like, my parents are annoying. And if Mike says stuff that makes them annoying, business as usual. Sam assured me that even if he did, it wouldn't be our problem. And so we moved on. We got him to go out with us one day and offered to go on a train museum because he loves anything vehicle, which he was pretty excited about. And we covered the Uber and his entrance fees. Mike disappeared in the museum, though. and we ended up having to keep tracking him down while we went through the museum. After that, we went to one of those food hubs with tons of restaurants to choose from. It was a little stressful for me as someone with a food allergy, but I managed, and we

1:11:19 agreed on a table to meet up at. We were chatting through dinner when Mike poked fun at me for not being a real adult, and I snapped that at least I covered the entire trip myself. He asked me if that was really true, and I confirmed that I paid for everything from the flights to the meals, and then I had to restrain myself when he scoffed. The conversation moved on, and I asked Sam about our plans for New Year's Eve. Mike was leaving early New Year's Eve, so we had the night to ourselves, and we started discussing party plans. Mike brought up how he did not like parties, and I made a joke about how I found them hard sometimes, and that social anxiety could be a witch, not knowing what to say to people and

1:11:56 all that. Mike proceeded to say, yeah, I mean, people are such a-holes for not talking to me at parties, and me and Sam had to figure out how to casually move on from that, The night before Mike left for his flight at 7 a.m., he had to get up at 5. I got distracted playing Minecraft, and before I knew it, it was almost midnight. I closed out of the game and turned to see Mike on his phone watching videos. I caught his attention and told him he should probably head to bed soon and that I was sorry if I had kept him up. I did my business, got in bed, and tried my best to sleep.

1:12:25 But after 45 minutes of fighting allergies, Sam has the most perfect, beautiful, amazing cat. I finally got up to take some meds! When I went out of the room, I found the living room light still on and Mike was awake and playing on his phone. I told him again with a little irritation he should probably go to bed soon as it was past midnight and he needed to be up early. He just looked at me before going back to his phone. I took my meds and went to bed, pissed and knowing full well I'd be blamed for keeping him up in the morning. I originally had no plans of waking up to see him off, but I'm a light sleeper and the sounds of Sam moving around woke me up. I laid in bed trying to decide if it was worth getting up to say

1:13:03 goodbye or not. When out of the silence, I heard Mike say, You know it's your fault that I'm so tired. To which Sam went, Oh, uh, okay. And suddenly, I had the energy to get up. I told Mike that when I went to bed and he was still up on his phone, and when I came out almost an hour later for allergy meds, he was still on his phone.

1:13:21 In no way was his proclivity to the screen my fault. I gave him a curt goodbye and went back to bed. Hours later, we learned Mike's flight had been delayed. I mean, yeah. Mike's a 17-year-old who's annoying. Sounds like you've made the best of it, though.

1:13:39 Yeah, I mean, I don't know. He's leaving anyway, so... You dealt with him. He's gone now. I don't know. I thought what the... I thought the problem was gonna be he, like, didn't go to sleep and then he missed his flight and was like, oh, I guess I have to stay here. And I'd be like, oh. But no, he...

1:13:57 He left, right?

1:13:58 Why would he even want to? He doesn't seem like he's like really having a great time.

1:14:02 Yeah, because you guys are just going to go party it up. And he's like, I hate parties.

1:14:06 I guarantee you, again, his parents are like, listen, if you do this, if you do this for us, you get one wish.

1:14:12 You get one wish.

1:14:13 We'll give you one thing that you want.

1:14:15 Okay, well, let's finish this. We went about our day and started getting ready for a small New Year's Eve party hosted by one of Sam's friends. It was evening when we found out Mike's flight was cancelled and there were discussions on what to do. Mike offered to stay in a hotel and I told Sam to not offer to have him back over as he wouldn't be able to attend the New Year's party and I could not stand another hour with him. They offered anyway, but Mike chose to stay in the hotel. He ended up staying in the hotel overnight while me and Sam had an amazing New Year. Weeks later, our parents started berating us over the fact we abandoned Mike alone in a hotel on New Year's Eve and were so rude and inconsiderate

1:14:49 to him the entire trip. They told us off for not including him properly, not checking in on him during New Year's, and not making sure his trip was an absolute blast.

1:14:59 You invited this guy. We didn't invite him here. We had plans. And all of a sudden, now you put him into our plans. We're like, make it work. Make him have fun. And I don't care. I don't care what you think.

1:15:11 Do what he wants. Yeah, make this 17-year-old who's into his phone game.

1:15:16 What is plank if not inspiration for child violence?

1:15:22 Now, it's August of the following year, and they still bring it up as a gotcha whenever they can. Needless to say, we will not be letting them know the next time we visit each other, and that is the end of that story.