My boyfriend accused me of LYING... because I couldn't pay for his car! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP3119

0:00 Hey, this is Dakota.

0:01 And this is Angie, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:06 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

0:11 My boyfriend accused me of lying because I couldn't pay for his car.

0:15 Sorry, I'm all out of money.

0:16 I spent it all on my Legos. Oh boy, doozy time.

0:20 Travis, 30 male, and I, 28 female, have been together for one and a half years. When we met, he was in a little bit of financial trouble, and I was able to help him, but I never offered because I didn't want money to become an object in a relationship so quickly. He also had a good job with income to support him, but not pay his massive student debt or bills just to support himself. After about a year, so six months ago, after seeing that this relationship was promising and we both agreed, heading on the marriage route at some point or another, no set plans on when, could be one year, could be five.

0:52 Before we got engaged, we're not in a rush.

0:54 I told him I could help, and I pretty much insisted on doing so. I paid off about $ 6, 000 of debt so far, and I've been paying for his rental car every month, which is about $ 1, 000 a month for the last three months. He has horrible credit, and I didn't have enough to outright.

1:10 Buy him a car.

1:11 By the way, this comes from Financial Woes123, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okstorytime subreddit.

1:18 I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.

1:20 I'm Keon.

1:21 And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We only know what we do. So let us know what you would do in the comments. I've also been helping out with a few bills here and there. I have always offered for what I pay for. He has never insisted or asked. We've always discussed and he's never been selfish, always very grateful. After some time, I was able to have enough to buy him a nice car and exactly what we wanted. We agreed to have my name on the title, but have him insured to drive it until we got married. We live in a state that neighbors a state about three and a half hours away that always has smoking deals on cars.

1:51 We were all set to buy one and then my medical bills from about a year ago came to haunt me. I had ovarian terminal illness, but now in remission and it halted our tracks to buy the car for a few weeks until I could settle my bills or find a way to pay them off since the bill was quite extensive. They aren't kidding when they say terminal illness is an expensive sickness. Anyways, that was about.

2:11 Three weeks ago.

2:12 Last night we went golfing and I could tell he was a little bit on edge, stressed out. So I asked him what was up. I had gotten a little bit behind on paying the $ 200 a week for the rental car and he was feeling stressed since the bill was due and he had $ 10 in his account.

2:25 What is he spending his money on?

2:26 10 golfing apparently like $ 10 in his account if he's not like if he's doing nothing he's not getting anything you do nothing you get nothing sorry.

2:37 But I'm not like I don't know how did you how do you not know how to do.

2:41 This I told him I would write him a check and we could meet up for lunch tomorrow and I would give him a check for that and the amount of the car that he wants so that he could feel at ease. I got home late after our date and logged on to my bank account to only find two dollars in it.

2:55 No, no, no, no, no.

2:56 Please don't tell me you were stupid enough to give your bank information to this man.

3:01 Please don't tell me that. That is so bad. Oh, you do nothing. You get nothing. I flipped.

3:09 There was a huge withdrawal from my account. I went and looked at what had happened. And lo and behold, when I was 24, my dad passed away and my mom had no income.

3:18 And was struggling.

3:19 So I piggybacked her onto my bank account so that she could have some support. It worked out really well for a couple of years, and then she got a job and didn't need my help. But her name was never taken off my account. Stupid on my part, but I had always trusted her and had no reason to believe she would do anything malicious. About six months ago, she ran off with her boyfriend to Germany. It was weird, and really had an impact on me, where I'm an only child and was left parentless. She cut off all contact and really just kind of abandoned me. I really struggled with it, but I mean, people do weird things.

3:48 Travis thought it was really strange at the time and almost didn't believe that she had just run off to Germany. But he's never met my mom, as she lived in another part of the US than I did, and Travis and I never got around to visiting her. Anyways, I'm getting off track. Like I said, this is a doozy.

4:02 My mom had made the withdrawal all of my money. I had a long talk with my bank and- an attorney, and legally I cannot do anything about anything. Her name was on my account. I had supported her in the past. Legally, she didn't do anything wrong.

4:16 Morally, yeah, she.

4:17 Did some effed up stuff. I haven't been able to get a hold of her, and honestly, I really don't think I will be able to. So I texted Travis after all of this and told him what was going on. I asked him to to be calm since I was freaking out and needed some moral support.

4:30 His response?

4:31 If you didn't want to help me out, you could just say so. He went on about how whenever he really needs help or I'm about to make a big purchase for him, there's something that just conveniently happens. OP's medical bills for her terminal illness?

4:42 That's convenient. Literally buy all.

4:45 Of her money? Why don't you, I don't know.

4:47 Get a job!

4:48 Contribute to society! Do anything other than mooch off of everyone else in your life!

4:54 Freak!

4:54 These big things that are just so rare that they don't happen. I get that.

4:58 And I 100% understand his point of view. But I'm also frustrated and don't feel trusted.

5:03 But I get it. It is like Hollywood crap status. It's so easy to prove. Yeah. It's so easy to prove. It's so genuinely easy to prove.

5:11 You go.

5:12 Baby, baby boy, look at my bank account. Empty.

5:15 I've got no money. Did you think that after all this time of me paying over $ 10, 000 for you, I was just going to stop?

5:22 You think I like doing that?

5:23 I was just going to lie to you?

5:25 I am going over there later tonight after I gather myself since I am stressing the heck out. I don't even know how to broach this with him where he can trust me.

5:33 Help, I don't know what to do. Break up.

5:36 Well, let's do a couple things here.

5:37 Can I get a break up?

5:38 Well, that first.

5:38 Let's take your mom off your account.

5:40 Yeah.

5:41 Let's start there. Let's do that one first.

5:42 Yeah, because she's going to steal that $ 2 next. And that's all you have to your name. You got $ 2.

5:47 Easy.

5:49 Update. So I had quite a few update requests, and it's been about two weeks since I posted. The day of my post, I went over to his house that evening. I had scrapped together some cash to get him some groceries and dinner from his favorite place to lighten the mood.

6:01 Because, hey, I'm a giver.

6:03 You're giving too much.

6:04 Okay.

6:04 How did you even do that?

6:06 How'd that, how?

6:07 Girly Pops got $ 2 to her name. And so what she did was spend it on someone else? Now I'm kind of like. concerned maybe she needs help.

6:16 She definitely does she needs some financial spending help because this is this is bad anyways i walked in as i usually do and he was on his couch and in front of him was a brand new golf bag i just set the groceries in the fridge and told him what i got us for dinner he said i don't want it i'm fine i just brushed that common off since i really wasn't wanting to argue with him i asked him about his new golf bag and he bought it with his club credit which made me soften up a little bit so i sat down in the recliner across from him and started scribbling on my notepad a game plan for him and us with a budget for him and a way he could afford a car.

6:49 At every point you get to like, you know, you get to a path and it's like, should I choose this? or this one. And she chooses her own one. And it's like, hmm, one is very shiny, nice, has unicorns and rainbows. The other one is scary and has witches and torture devices. And she goes, hmm, I don't know.

7:07 I'm at an impasse.

7:08 I just don't know. I told him the game plan and he curtly said, sounds good. Then I went out into his backyard. He lives on a beautiful farmland with a nice deck out back. Said I just didn't want to deal with him. And I just sat outside and cried. He came outside and started fiddling with some stuff in his yard and didn't say a word. He said, so should I just plan on you not talking tonight? And then went on about how I have been such a source of disappointment for him financially. Because you're not an open bank now.

7:33 That's crazy.

7:34 That's crazy.

7:36 Oh my God. Oh my, again, put him right in front of me.

7:40 Ladies, ladies, and actually anybody out there, lesson to never give out money to your partners after a year of dating in this way and this amount. So I didn't say a word. I took the groceries and dinner I bought and told them we're done. I blocked his number and he is no longer a part of my life.

7:57 That's the best thing to come out of the story. Oh, thank God.

8:00 Anything else?

8:01 Is she going to?

8:01 No, that's done.

8:02 Wait, that's the end? That's freaking it. That's the end of it.

8:04 That's freaking it. She released me. She released me from the hold of this story. I would have been pissed if she was like, what do I do?

8:11 Do I break? No, she said, I'm done. She finally saw the light. And that's the end of the story. We're going to go on to the next one. I secretly talk to my girlfriend every day and she has no idea.

8:23 It's either really good or really bad. Let's find out.

8:26 My girlfriend of five years has been deaf since she was six.

8:30 Still really 50-50 here. It's either really good or really bad.

8:34 She reads lips pretty well but prefers sign language. I didn't know a single sign when I met her but I could tell right away there was something between us so I started learning after I got home from our first date. That's a sweet.

8:46 Shut the hell up that's so cute i i hate it.

8:49 Fast forward a few years i'm now fluent in asl and we use it to talk almost exclusively when she's not looking though i talk to her even though she can't hear me or see my lips to read i tell her how much i love her how i'm going to marry her someday how beautiful she is etc i've been practicing proposing so it's not so terrifying when i actually do it she has no idea and i plan to keep it that way wait why is this like a cute little.

9:15 Love story this is good by.

9:17 The way this comes from just a dude 183 and if you want to submit your own stories go to the r slash okay story time subreddit i'm savannah i'm dakota and we're here to talk about some stuff give some advice but we don't have all the answers I don't want to tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments.

9:31 PresentChampion1662 says, I need an update on this. That's wonderful. It's surprising how many family members of deaf people that don't learn sign language. OP responds, she's lucky. Her immediate family are all fluent, and most of her extended family has learned at least a few simple phrases and words.

9:48 My side of the family has started learning too, since they know she'll be part of the family pretty soon. Most deaf people aren't so lucky. I'm really glad she has such good people in her life.

9:57 Hey!

9:58 I'm the OP. Aloha. of people are asking for an update. It's only been four days so there's not much to tell but here you all go anyway. We're still together, of course. She's trying to convince me to get a puppy. I'm having a hard time convincing her not to. I still talk to her when she doesn't know, and she still has no clue. After some comments on the original post, I'm getting ready to propose soon, but it still won't be for a little bit. I'll definitely record it, but I probably won't post it anywhere. She'd be pretty uncomfortable with that, and to be honest, I would too. That's about it, I guess. I have no idea why people are so interested in my love life. Y'all are creeps.

10:31 You posted it online. What? Because it's cute and sweet, you idiot.

10:36 Because you don't see people like this every day.

10:38 So yeah, I couldn't essentially understand or speak to the woman I love at all when I met her, but I knew immediately that there was something between us. Shut up. Of course people are interested in that.

10:48 Isn't that it?

10:48 Oh, F.

10:49 Now even more people are pushing for the puppy. The TTT10 says, how come you don't want the puppy? Is it because you don't like them or is it more... economical op responds it's just economical we already have two cats and we aren't exactly rich however she does this thing with her eyes that i just can't say no to so we're going to the society tomorrow she knows exactly how to convince me guinea pig cooper says how did you meet her and what made you connect with her on the first day op responds we met through mutual friends she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and they thought she needed a reminder not all guys suck Still don't know why they chose me, but I'm so glad they did. In the first 30 minutes,

11:28 we both made the same obscure reference. We have practically identical humor, even finishing each other's jokes. And honestly, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in real life.

11:37 Not exaggerating.

11:38 She's way out of my league. As for her, she told me on our one year anniversary that she knew I was the one. because I didn't even mention that she was deaf. I treated her more normally than even her family. I honestly had no idea I did that. I wasn't conscious at all, but I sure am glad it worked. Update two, I propose 27 days later.

11:59 Oh my God. After all the.

12:01 Comments urging me not to wait, I decided to do it. Life is too short to waste even a day. I bought a very nice ring, silver with three small synthetic diamonds. It's nothing too special, but it's exactly her style and expensive by our standards without breaking the bank. So it was perfect. I told her family my plans and they approved, of course. My family was 100% behind it too. With that arranged, I started planning the proposal. Both of us had already agreed that we didn't want it to be a huge disruptive event. Just the two of us. No family to make a scene. She trusted me to pick a good place. I decided on the beach. And we happened to live just a few hours from one of the best beaches in the world. So it was Our

12:42 anniversary was coming up and we both had the day off. We had planned to go to a local museum, but I asked to change plans to the beach. She was definitely a little suspicious, but she didn't say anything at the time. At the beach, I let the first few hours pass normally. Just relaxing, playing in the waves, and snacks.

12:58 I kept the ring hidden in a zippered pocket in my shorts. And even though I knew it was safe, I think I checked it every five minutes at least. When the sun started to go down, I led her away from the crowded area to a more secluded spot. We had a great view of the water, the sun, and some boats further out. But a cluster of palm trees and low bushes blocked us from other people. At this point, she realized something was up. she started looking at me funny so i knew i had to be quick i reached for the ring and this is where the anxiety i'm not a very confident person i knew she would say yes and i knew i'd planned everything perfectly there was no possible reason this could go badly but i was still nearly paralyzed that's probably why i

13:37 dropped the ring as soon as i grabbed the ring it slipped out of my fingers and got lost in the sand i effing panicked i got on my knees and started digging through the sand like an animal the whole time she was trying to ask me what was going on i wanted to explain but where would i even start i found it after about 10 seconds which felt like 10 hours unharmed as soon as i picked it up she saw it and realized what happened she completely froze for a second then she started shaking and wheezing like she was having an asthma attack Then I panicked again because I had no clue what was happening and I thought something was even more wrong than it already was. Then I realized she was crying and laughing

14:12 at the same time and I started crying and laughing too. This is cute and funny and I love them.

14:17 Yeah, everybody just don't even bother with your proposal stories. This one's the best one. This is the best relationship and the best proposal.

14:25 I figured the proposal was already a mess so it couldn't get any worse. I held it up to her and just said, I think you dropped this. It sounded a lot better in my head.

14:35 Be fair.

14:35 She effing lost it. I don't think I've ever seen her laugh that much. Once we both calmed down, I did it right, and of course she said yes. Despite the complications, it couldn't have gone better, and we're both very happy. We talked about the wedding a little, and it will probably be sometime next summer, but we haven't decided yet. I'm not expecting to make another post on this account after this. As far as I'm concerned, our story is told, and now it's time for the next one to start. I have no idea what's next for us after the wedding. We've talked about living in a van to travel the country, so maybe that? Whatever happens, we'll still be together and I'll still be talking behind her back for as long as I can. To all

15:11 you guys, I hope you all have wonderful lives. There's someone out there for all of us. Just be patient and you'll find them. And if you found them but haven't made it official yet, Do it. Life is short and you only get one, so you shouldn't waste a single moment of it. Don't let anything hold you back.

15:27 Jake and Lex signing off. I mean, cutest story I've ever heard in my life. I'm going to throw up.

15:33 I'm going to freaking barf everywhere.

15:35 Oh, God, I already pissed myself.

15:38 This is so fun. I love this.

15:41 I'm tingling everywhere.

15:43 Her cousin's in town, so she's extra torqued up.

15:47 Oh, but that's the end of that story.

15:50 My boyfriend nagged me over a cheesecake for two straight weeks. Cheesecake?

15:56 More like sleaze cake.

15:58 This Christmas, my boyfriend, 21 male, and his family asked me, 20 female, to stay in town as opposed to going home. I have been here for about a month now. I attended school here but I'm out for the break. During the week my boyfriend works and I stay at home with his family. I love to bake and cook. When he is working I would bake something or make dinner for when he gets home. The entire time we've been dating I have always catered to what he likes and doesn't like. I missed making a few things and brought up that I wanted to make a couple things but He knew he wouldn't like it. He supported me and gave me the okay. We went to the store and got what I needed. He got mad at me for some of the stuff I was getting and even yelled

16:44 at me for getting cookies when we already had graham crackers that could be used for a crust. Hey, man. Not the same. You're yelling at me over groceries? I'm living at your family's house? Shut up.

16:56 You're yelling at me over crackers, dude?

16:58 You're yelling at me over cookies from the grocery store? I break up with you.

17:02 That's on God.

17:03 I should have known and just stopped there. I was planning on making cheesecake bars with a chocolate topping. He said once that it may be too big and it would be wise to downsize. Everything I had made in the past week was nearly gone right after I was done making it. I talked to his mom and asked what she thought. And she said to make the full size deal. So I make it. in the next few days.

17:28 When he got home, he instantly was making comments, chocolate is gross, you should have done half without chocolate, it's too big, blahdy blahdy blah. It has been about a week and a half now, and he makes a comment every day.

17:44 Like, what is the point of that? To make me feel bad about something that I already did, that we already decided was, like, you know, good? Maybe I went against your wishes. As in, we don't need that much. I don't really like it. Sorry, you don't like it, but your family likes it and they asked me to do it and I want to do it for them.

17:59 I'm staying at their house. Be like, I owe them something. I'm going to do that. I don't care if you don't like it. You don't have to eat it.

18:04 Like, oh my God, what a white crap. I can make myself five pounds of cheesecake bars if I want. Shut up. By the way, this comes from CheesecakeThrowaway1. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Dakota. And I'm Savannah. We're going to read this story and have our thoughts. You get to put yours in the comments below where we can read them. Just remember, nobody knows everything. And OP says, We have discussed multiple times that I will make it smaller next time and that I was sorry. Girl, I'm sorry.

18:32 Does his family see this behavior? Do they not see this as problematic?

18:36 Yeah, I know. Are they just like not around when he makes these comments or is he making them like when they're not in the room and stuff?

18:41 I'd be so pissed. My boyfriend keeps bringing this up. Last night was his breaking point. I made chicken, but it had skin and bone, which he voiced he didn't like. I offered to use just normal chicken breast, and he said he would just try it how it should be. After I had cut all the ingredients and was about to start cooking, he tells me it's too big. I tell him other people can have some. And I left it at that. He didn't like it, but told me he did. He took some to work and didn't even eat it. He had to throw it away. And there's still some of the cheesecake and chicken in the fridge.

19:16 This morning, we were cleaning up and he looked in the fridge and said, yet again, you need to make this smaller and should have listened to me about the chicken. I confronted him saying he shouldn't have taken the chicken if he didn't like it because other people said they would eat it. But also that it isn't necessary for him to bring it up every day that I made too much. and that he didn't like the cheesecake. He said, well, it's been in there every day. We argued, and I explained I messed up, but also that it isn't okay for him to keep nagging me and bringing it up every day. It doesn't make me feel good or make me want to make something again. He said I am wrong and that I am being wasteful. What do I

19:55 do or say? I am hurt he keeps bringing up that he didn't like it and that it was too big. It seems like he's just trying to prove he was right. But being rude about it, and there's an edit, he doesn't say it nicely and is speaking down to me. We have had about four or five discussions about making it smaller or what I should do next time. That I shouldn't make it again because he didn't like it.

20:17 Then also would bring it up maybe once a day on top of the other discussions we have had. Every time he opens the fridge, he'd say something. And you can private message me for the recipe. i tried to talk to him again he was playing fallout the whole time and laughed when i asked him to stop okay so we just break up with this guy.

20:34 Yeah if he doesn't like the way that you're cooking or you know baking or whatever like one you're doing it for him so don't freaking complain i understand if like you didn't like it then you'd be like oh i didn't like that like you know but if you like it cool then you can keep making it i just won't eat it like that's all you have to say instead he just keeps bringing it up like Then make it yourself. If you don't think I make it right, why don't you find time instead of playing Fallout and laughing at me? Like, go do something for yourself then.

20:59 Or no, you can't because you don't know how. You just want to complain that everything's getting catered to you.

21:04 Bye. Bye. There's an update. After I posted on Reddit, my boyfriend, who I will name James, was still being unreasonable. After we talked the first time I laid in bed as he played a game of League of Legends, another great red flag, just break up with him right now. He acted as if everything was fine or I was not there. I was replying to all of you wonderful people in bed and he was on the ground. That is how he normally plays. He would casually ask me what I'm up to, why I'm upset, or just not say anything at all. I would say back to him that everything is not okay and the way he was treating me was ridiculous. He would not say anything. Eventually, I had it. And said to him that he's being totally inconsiderate and that he's making all this fuss over

21:44 a cheesecake. That he was being immature and ungrateful. And not only that, but not taking into consideration how things make people feel, me especially. He finally responded and said the way I was talking did not make him want to apologize and that he did not do anything wrong. so he did not need to apologize. I continued by saying that his reaction does not make me want to make anything again, whether it be for him, myself, or his family. Due to the fact, he seemed so spoiled and unappreciative of what I do for him. When I said this, he said that he pays for the groceries and that when I made something, he always tells me it's good. I responded that there are times I will spend the whole day in the kitchen making something special

22:26 for him, and it would be nice sometimes to get more than a, that tasted good. I told him I take my baking and cooking seriously and that him constantly berating me over a cheesecake is disrespectful. Here's everything he said to me over the week about the cheesecake. Oh boy. You should have made half with chocolate, half without. Gross.

22:44 It has chocolate. No, I have no idea how anyone likes this. You should have listened to me and made it smaller. I was right.

22:50 No one liked the cheesecake. The reason the cheesecake isn't gone is because I'm not eating it. You need to eat the rest of the cheesecake. You're being wasteful. Don't make this cheesecake again. No one liked it, obviously. Why is this still here?

23:04 We had multiple conversations about how next time I will make it without chocolate and make it smaller. I told him that the recipe called for the same amount of ingredients as a normal cheesecake, but the style in the pan it was made in, people naturally took smaller portions. It was in a 13 by 9 cake pan instead of a cake form. He told me that I was wrong and and should have made less like he said.

23:25 He continued to insult me for not listening to him, acting as if I should listen to only him, and that everyone else is wrong. At this point, I said, I'm done cooking and baking, and left with his mom to the store. She knew everything that was going on, and she said she's so lucky to have me here. What? What?

23:42 What does that mean? What is this?

23:44 I'm so lucky you're here because I also hate my son.

23:46 She says that I do more for their family than all her sons combined. That I cook almost every night and do the dishes and trash and recycle without being asked. And she wished her boys were like that. She apologized for how James was acting and told me how unacceptable it was. That even if I did make half the cheesecake, the ingredients were all in odd numbers and the rest would have had to be thrown away, which is... True.

24:10 We spent a few hours out and then came back and I went back into the room. He pretended like I was not there and I just got back into bed. After an hour or so, he moves to playing Fallout and I go to the ground because I don't want to be near him. He starts talking casually, asking me about the game since I've played more than him. I stop him and tell him I'm not going to be pretending everything is okay. His behavior is unacceptable. He asked me to explain and I did. The entire time... He played Fallout, and when I asked him to stop, he kept messing around with the pause screen. I told him it doesn't make me feel like he cares about how I feel because of the way he's acting. He snarkily replied that he is paying attention and that I didn't

24:51 say anything when I started talking for him to stop. I told him every time we talk... I asked him to stop. He said, He then lays back and closes his eyes as I talk. When I asked for him to look at me and not act like he was asleep or did not care about what I was saying, he laughed. I asked him why he laughed and he said nothing while glaring at me. I went and took a bath. When I came back, he acted... Again, like everything was fine. I told him to cut it out.

25:20 That I was done being treated like a maid and he better consider how I feel. That I am done with how he is acting. He wants me to be open with him. That he needs to quit acting like a child and own his mistakes. And do what he can to make it better. That I deserve better and he is making a fuss over something small. He then said that he was so sorry for making me upset.

25:42 And here comes the real BS. He said that he was jealous because lately it seemed like I was not making stuff with him in mind. That I was more considering what his family or myself would want as opposed to him. Also that we don't cook together really anymore and that it was our thing, which no, not really.

26:02 It never was. I do all of the work while he just stands over my shoulder nagging me and he does the dishes. He apologized and hugged me. A couple of days later, he asked if he could cook with me and he just acted grumpy the whole time, nagging me about how I should do it this way and why I don't do it that way. If I even say anything to him, such as I know what I'm doing, he immediately gets snarky. To be honest, I don't know what to think anymore. He does small things that I'm starting to pick up on. When we went to the store and I wanted to get something for myself, he said, well, if you ever need anything important, then you're on your own.

26:39 I'm starting to realize there is a bigger problem now. He says a lot of negative things and it seems like the fact I haven't had money and don't have anywhere to go, he holds above me. Yesterday I gained a small inheritance. I probably shouldn't have told him about it. I got my first small payment of about $ 2, 000. and I should be getting about $ 7, 500 a month for a few months. When I told him and the money was in my account, it went from, that money is yours, do what you want, to, we should start splitting stuff.

27:10 I really don't know what to do about it. I'm really starting to not feel like the priority in our relationship anymore. Everything's about him. Pleasing him. What he wants to do. Making him happy. It does not seem like the same goes for myself. He got me pillows and cookbooks for Christmas. Then also said we would go to the mall and I would get a shopping spree. I brought that up the other day and he said, we're going to have to keep it small since we just got sushi. Yeah, this doesn't make any sense because he almost has $ 2, 000 in the bank with no expenses whatsoever.

27:39 He also just bought a new PlayStation when he already has an Xbox, but whatever, it's his own money. How do I deal with my inheritance? How do I set guidelines with him about it? How do I discuss not being the priority anymore? Do I stop cooking? Should I cook without him or ask him not to cook with me?

27:56 Should I even stay with him anymore? There we go. Any advice, OP says.

28:01 Truthfully, OP, there is nothing else you could possibly do. Even if you made him something that he likes, that was like perfect in every way possible, he is going. To find something wrong with it. He's going to find something to complain about. He is not happy. He's not happy in his life. And he's taking it out on you.

28:20 He's just projecting all of that unhappiness that he has. Because, I don't know, the family likes you better than him because he does nothing. I don't know. But it's just like, girl, you gotta wake up. Smell the roses. Get out of there. There's nothing. There's nothing for you here. That's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up.

28:38 Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite rat brain host here. And we're going to get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I go on solo adventures because my husband stays home. Now he resents me for it.

28:53 I'm sorry. I don't want to be boring.

28:56 My husband doesn't like to go out much. It's not something that I've ever faulted him for or been mad at him about. We've never gotten into fights about it until now, and it's something he told me up front when we had first gotten in the relationship four years ago. He said, I'm never going to be the kind of person that likes to go out a lot. I just want to hang out at home. And I, of course, said that was fine because that's not a flaw to me.

29:23 It's just a character trait. Yeah, my guy's boring. He never does stuff.

29:28 He just likes to sit at home and watch TV.

29:30 Hmm. I used to suffer from depression due to a lot of traumas in my life. I found it really hard to go outside at all and especially alone. I missed out on a lot of experiences because of this in our first year of dating he got me to have more confidence in myself so I stopped hiding I got a therapist and have been on a wonderful little antidepressant we got married one year later and I'm still happier than I have ever been And I'm incredibly grateful to have him in my life. That hasn't changed one bit. Now, I know that this isn't what he does. I know that he doesn't stay inside because he's depressed. It's because it's in his nature to be a house cat.

30:14 He's just a little tabby cat. He don't want to leave.

30:17 He's just a cat man.

30:19 Everything's here. Why would you want to leave?

30:21 Is he a cat man or a man cat?

30:24 Man cat.

30:25 Like I said, I'm still fine with that. Lately, he's not okay with me doing this, though. By the way, this comes from Keep Pouring Out of Me. If you want to submit your own stories, you can go to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Dakota.

30:40 And I'm Savannah.

30:41 And we are going to read this story and give our little good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers to life's mysteries. We need a crystal ball for that, and they're hard to find.

30:51 I want one.

30:51 But if you have a crystal ball, send us your magical orb. And also tell us in the comments what you would do. And OP says, If I ask him if he wants to see a movie with me and he said no, or the more common, I don't know, maybe, I'll usually ask him two more times and then if he still says no or maybe I'll go by myself.

31:12 It's the same with going out to dinner or taking little classes, etc. We had fun with this at first. I would come home from doing the thing and then I would excitedly tell him what I had done and the people I'd met. He'd happily listen and hug me and kiss me on the forehead. It was a really beautiful thing. Little forehead kisses.

31:31 I love little forehead kisses.

31:34 At one point, we called it my little adventures, and I would take Polaroid pictures and show them to him and then hang them on the kitchen wall. It was a seriously beautiful point in our relationship, and the times that we would go out and take Polaroids together were some of the happiest times in my life. I even made it a point to have us do or go to do things together that he liked to do. It was great. It was seriously so great. It's like having a sick little Victorian child you come home to and you go, look at the outside world, little Timmy. And he goes, ah.

32:09 Yeah.

32:10 He goes, it looks so wonderful outside.

32:14 What does it smell like, mom?

32:16 About two years ago, I asked him, hey, I've been really passionate about learning a language. And eventually going to this language's place of origin. Do you want to study it with me and then go there too? And he said no to the language. But maybe to going with me. Well, I don't know.

32:33 I mean, learning a new language is hard. So if he doesn't have any interest in it, then it's like, okay. But yeah, I'll go on vacation.

32:41 Cut to now, and I'm pretty dang good at this language. I decided about four months ago that I am going to this place. I asked him if he would still like to come with me, and he said no, and got kind of upset that I had learned this language without him. He said, you're the one that's going to know anything. There's really no point in me going.

33:02 What?

33:02 That's why you should have learned the language, big dog.

33:06 That's honestly... I don't know. It's kind of manipulative in my opinion.

33:10 Yeah, huge red flag if you have a partner who's like, why are you not as boring as me? I resent you for not being boring and doing new things.

33:20 Screw you for having ambitions.

33:22 I was kind of taken aback because during the process, he was really supportive. I didn't really push it, but I apologized and went somewhere else to clear my head about things, and we were fine later on that day. I bought the tickets for me and my mother to go to The Place about four weeks ago. And ever since then, things have been really tense. If I ask him to do minor things like come to the grocery store with me, he gets a bit of an attitude.

33:46 I can tell that he knows this is ridiculous, though, because he'll say sorry almost immediately and be sad and quiet the rest of the time.

33:54 Dude, man up and have a conversation. So annoying to be like passive aggressive, be like, I'm mad. I'm gonna I'm gonna make her feel bad about me saying no. about everything that she asked me to do together. Oh, let's make her feel bad about it.

34:07 Really, really not loving the vibe.

34:09 Yeah, this man, annoying.

34:11 I've tried to talk to him about what's bothering him, but he keeps either saying that it's nothing and he doesn't want to talk about it, or will tell me not to press it and then get mad and leave. I don't know what to do at this point. I think you should just start talking to him in the language that you learned. That's what you should do.

34:27 True.

34:28 You should ask him what's wrong in whatever language. He doesn't understand. He'll just go, what are you saying?

34:35 What's going on? Just keep saying it.

34:37 Just keep talking to him in that language until he cries and lets it out.

34:40 And then you can have a normal conversation.

34:42 Yeah. Our relationship has been so great, but I can feel things being strained. I can feel him kind of slipping away. I don't know what to do. I thought about buying him a ticket to the place anyway and surprising him because I really would love it if he could go with me. And I know for a fact it's somewhere he's always been interested in. But I also don't want to force him because I hate forcing people to do things. However, I also don't want to stop having these experiences for myself just because he doesn't want to.

35:13 I've never faulted him for wanting to be at home. So why is he faulting me for wanting to be outside? I don't know how to talk to him or what to say. If I have to stop doing things, then I guess I will. No, you won't.

35:28 No, don't stop.

35:30 Don't do that. I feel like the core of this issue is just he is like insecure and he stays inside because he's scared.

35:40 I agree. He seems like he has like a kind of like pessimistic look on things just because maybe he's scared to do things like he has some sort of.

35:51 Like it might not even be a thing he's aware of, but it just feels like such a. Like such a strong emotional driver in people's lives is fear and they just don't even recognize that that is what it is.

36:03 Yeah, truthfully. And then they get themselves into these like positions of like, oh, why do I feel this way? And then they're mad at themselves for feeling this way. But it's like, dude, you could have just said yes.

36:15 Yeah, you could just got out of the bubble. He's in the bubble of like, I stay at home. I know what's up here. I'm in control. I'm comfortable. Yeah, I know what's happening here. I am the master of my destiny. Yeah, if you.

36:29 Walk outside, anything could happen. He wants to be in control, and that's fine, but also you're going to miss out on stuff, and then you can't feel bad because you say no.

36:40 I would also feel bad for having to stop, but it's not worth getting a divorce over or having things escalate that bad. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here, and there is an update, and I would say that totally is divorce-worthy.

36:56 If he's making you feel bad about things that you do all the time, even when you ask him and he's like, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it, me, me, me. Okay.

37:05 Yeah.

37:06 Then don't complain when I go and do it on my own and then you're like, oh, now I missed out.

37:11 He's not even complaining. It's like the undercurrent of like, hmm.

37:16 Oh, sorry.

37:17 Yeah. No.

37:19 Which is honestly, in my opinion, even worse because it's like, oh, my God. Now. Now what, baby? Yeah.

37:24 What do we need to do in a vacuum? I would totally say if someone's like, hey, I do a bunch of cool stuff, but my partner doesn't and he's getting mad at me about it or he's getting resentful. He's getting weird feelings about it. Should I stop doing things or or should I leave my partner if it doesn't get better? It's like the answer would always be to leave. No one would ever tell you, oh yeah, just stop doing anything outside of your house. Stop going on adventures.

37:54 I mean, that's it though. It's like, I don't know what he's looking for. Does he want her to not? I feel like he fell in love with her for being spontaneous and being adventurous and wanting to do all these things. He just isn't like that, which that's completely fine. She's accepting him, but he's not accepting her for wanting to do all these things.

38:12 Yeah. So it's not like you just go and leave him out of the picture. He chooses that.

38:19 In no world should you ever have to wait for someone in order to do what you want to do. You don't have to. There's no reason to wait for him to all of a sudden have a change of heart. You know what? After like four months and be like, OK, well, you know, can we learn this language now? You know, the answer is still going to be no. So it's like, how long can you wait?

38:40 It's your thing. Yeah. Do what you want to do. Um, he had a bit of a long talk. I'm kind of a mix of exhausted, drained, and excited now. That's a weird combo. So, I apologize if I make a lot of typos or word something wrong, but in a kind of big nutshell, he said he feels like he's drowning in my success.

39:00 And there it is. The truth is revealed.

39:02 Well, I like the honesty, but I still don't like that. Yeah, that's- Not gonna lie.

39:07 You cannot- be jealous of your partner.

39:10 I said I would learn a language and I did it. I said I would lose 180 pounds and I did it earlier in our relationship and got the skin surgery. I have a pretty stress-free job and it's getting to him. He's been trying really hard to just be happy, but it's hard. He understands that it's wrong to feel this way and between feeling guilty about it and feeling this way at all, it's just been taking its toll. He also has a skin condition that makes him feel cautious of going outside, especially in another country. I never thought this would be the problem, because he's always acted as though it's not a bother to him at all, and he doesn't care. He's going to keep trying, though, and to seek therapy independent of me because he thinks that

39:52 he also may really be suffering from depression. Now I have to say that we do have communication problems. Our friendship, which was two years before dating, started off long distance in an MMORPG. World of Warcraft. So we're still kind of better with text talking than out loud speaking.

40:12 No.

40:13 No. No.

40:15 No. Yeah, you got to have a face-to-face conversation.

40:20 I mean, if you guys just met up in the last couple months, sure, we're better at texting. I assume it's been a while. That's not that valid. Sometimes we have a hard time saying when things are bothering us out loud, so we'll text it out and then read off of that text because we find it hard to verbalize.

40:41 And sometimes we just take things harder than we should. I feel like that's a very normal thing people do.

40:47 Yeah, that one seems pretty normal.

40:48 Where it's just like, oh, I have something I want to say clearly. Let me write it first.

40:53 Yeah.

40:54 So I know what I'm going to say.

40:55 Oh, I did that all the time. I still do it.

40:58 We've agreed to go to marriage counseling and we're making an appointment tomorrow together. So there are good things afoot. For more good news, he has agreed to go on vacation with me and my mother.

41:11 Oh.

41:12 Huzzah.

41:13 Yeah.

41:15 Also, I just want to say thank you to every single person who commented. It means a lot that people would wish us good luck and give advice and even say they were going to pray. Thank you for all of the advice. I'm trying to go down and thank everyone one by one, but it might take a while. And in case I can't, thank you for helping save us.

41:37 Edit to the edit. I would also like to add that I messed up on this too. I liked to think that hearing maybe or other Apathetic answers instead of just yes or no didn't bother me, but it did. And sometimes, as some people pointed out, I would get kind of passive-aggressive about it. I'd ask him simply because it meant that I tried at times. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. I'm going to work on that more and myself as well. I don't know. I don't think you should be faulted for that.

42:08 I mean.

42:09 You just want to do stuff with your husband.

42:11 Why is that a bad thing?

42:13 It's just the element of when somebody constantly says no to your plans, like, there just comes a time where you don't give as much to the ask because you just don't want to be like, oh, okay. So it's just like a, hey, do you want to go to this thing?

42:29 No?

42:30 All right.

42:31 Yeah.

42:32 I do that.

42:32 Yeah.

42:33 Sister all the time we have very different interests and i'll be like oh like do you want to you know like we have emo night um on friday i'm like oh you want to come to emo night she would like i don't know if she would hopefully i didn't really ask her but it.

42:46 But she will probably say no i ain't like you're already at the point where you just like don't even ask.

42:51 I will true it's because i know she's gonna say no and it's gonna hurt me to not have like i want to do stuff with her.

42:58 And that's why you're getting a divorce from your.

43:01 Sister But yeah, no, I think marriage counseling is going to work out because I think that he needs to work on some stuff. I think that he is depressed.

43:09 He needs to start swimming instead of drowning. Yeah. He's drowning in it. He needs to start swimming.

43:15 I think he needs to do some sort of physical activity. But yeah, I think everything will work out. It seems like you both are now working towards the same goal instead of being divided. So I think.

43:25 It'll work out.

43:26 But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up. My husband wanted to try polyamory so he could date his young coworker. Oh, I hate it.

43:37 I hate it so much.

43:39 We've been married for seven years. Mostly good marriage until the last year. My husband got promoted at work and started bringing up this one coworker, 26 females.

43:49 Yeah, mostly good until he started obsessing over boinking his 26-year-old coworker.

43:55 The first time I hung out with them all outside of work, alarm bells started ringing. My husband spent the whole night entertaining her while I felt like the third wheel. I asked my husband to distance himself from the co-worker and he said he would implement some boundaries. Months passed, I stopped hearing about the co-worker. I think everything is good.

44:14 Then last week, my husband sat me down and said that he wanted to try polyamory. I didn't want to talk about who at first, but eventually he admitted he wanted to take the co-worker out on a date. I mean, I think in this situation it is maybe a little better than just doing it behind your back.

44:33 I mean, sure, it's a little bit better.

44:36 Yeah, it's a little bit better than lying about it.

44:38 Than him having just been like, yeah, I was cheating on you and I want to cheat on you with this. I mean, that's basically what he's saying.

44:45 Yeah.

44:45 He's saying, I would have liked to cheat on you with this woman, but instead, let's do the loophole.

44:51 By the way, this comes from FantasticSorbet9395, and if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah.

45:00 I'm Dakota.

45:01 And we're here to give some good advice in a little goofy way, but we don't have all the answers. We would only tell you what we would do, but let us know what you would do down in the comments.

45:08 Yes, and Polly people, I don't hate you. I just hate this guy.

45:13 Yeah. I told my husband I am monogamous. Our relationship has always been monogamous. I have no interest in being poly.

45:22 Yes, I married you seven years ago because of this.

45:27 He asked me why I didn't like her. The conversation ended when I said he couldn't have a wife and a girlfriend, but he's been moping around and crying on and off since. Why don't you like her?

45:39 I just want to sleep with her. I just want to be with her intimately, even though we've been married for seven years. Why aren't you like her?

45:49 It's literally crying. It's like you told a kid, like, they're like, oh, can I have a popsicle? And you're like, no. But I really want a popsicle. Like, he's literally acting like a child.

45:59 I hate this man. Girl, leave. Let him have her. Get out of there. I'm sorry.

46:05 I want to save my marriage, but it's not in my control. It's up to my husband and what he wants to do next. That's not true.

46:12 Well, if you want to save the marriage, yeah, sure, but maybe not. Maybe let's not do that.

46:18 Yeah, if you want to save it, I guess you have less control over it because he has to be the one to make the effort.

46:23 It'd be different if he brought this up and then was like, okay, clearly this is not something you're open to. I value you over anything else, so I'll immediately put this to rest and put up firm boundaries between me and this person that I had a little infatuation for. But instead he's, what about today?

46:46 Now?

46:46 Is it okay now?

46:50 I'll give you a week to think about it. Nothing physical has happened yet. He hasn't even told her about his crush yet. He said he wanted to ask me first. I think I could forgive him for this if things change, but I don't know what's reasonable to ask him for. What are reasonable stipulations? Couples counseling for sure, but what else?

47:10 I think there comes a time when you have to make calls in your own head where you go, okay, like, what am I cool with? Like, if I was you, I would be shocked and it would all come down to his vibe. I'd be like, like, if you talk it out and you go, hey, no, not cool with this. I'm monogamous. I'm not changing that. And now that you've said this, like, you need to put up firm boundaries and blah, blah, blah. If he ever brings it up again, immediately, I'm getting all my ducks in a row to leave him. Immediately.

47:46 Yeah. Because that's going to piss me off, truthfully. It'd be like, okay, so do you want to be with me or with this random woman that you just, you know, you're going to throw away seven years of marriage just to be like, oh, I like this girl now.

48:00 And also, of course, couples counseling. It will be required to move forward.

48:05 Yes.

48:05 There's an update here. I talked to her two best friends, a married couple who have been like family to my husband and me for many years, about what's been going on. To say they were upset on my behalf is an understatement. While I was telling them what happened, one of them started writing down her thoughts. Once we finished talking, she had me call my husband over and she basically talked to and yelled at him for being an idiot while we went through each of her bullet points calling out everything you all said. Starting with, manipulation isn't a valid interest to polyamory it's true and ending with what are you going to do to fix this but the most danging accusation was you don't want to try polyamory you

48:46 just want to f your co-worker and truthfully yeah that's you hit it right on the money that it is it's true he doesn't care you know about actually opening up a conversation or doing any of this like he just wanted your permission to go and sleep with this girl Which is crazy because you've been married for seven years. Like, slow your roll, man. And also, this girl's 26. I don't even know how old, you know, these people are.

49:12 So that, I don't know, seems a little concerning to me. I've never seen someone so upset on my behalf. My husband... didn't say much and when he did our friend clapped back with a comment that i could tell really affected him his whole mood changed after that then i said my piece i told him that while i may not raise my voice the way our friend had i felt betrayed by him i reiterated all the points made and told him divorce was something i was seriously considering By the time I finished, he was crying again. Then I sent him home to think about his actions while I stayed with our friends. This is crazy. This is like a little kid that I sent him home to think about it, to think about what he's done.

49:51 The irreparable damage this would do to my relationship, it'd just be over. I'd be so done.

49:57 Yeah.

49:58 It's just like, okay, so you're not choosing me anymore. That's cool. Then go be with her. Be done with me. I'm not going to be here when it doesn't work out.

50:05 Like I'm like a roadblock between you and your like, You're a little fantasy, like, whatever, I will remove myself.

50:13 I'm sure I'll get flack for having our friends help me talk to him, but I honestly felt better having their support. It made it so he couldn't twist the situation to get me back on his side. And it seemed to knock some sense into him, because when I came home later that night, he was crying on the phone with his mom, telling her about how badly he messed up and how scared he was that I was going to leave him. We talked again, and he really seemed to grasp the severity of the situation. He scheduled us a couples therapy session and assured me I was his top priority. He said during his next shift, he would talk to his coworker and tell her that if she thought anything was going on between them, it was

50:50 over now and they would be strictly platonic moving forward. I don't know. He's kind of a baby to me. He's like a man child. And it honestly, it, it makes me more like turned off than anything.

51:00 Yeah.

51:00 Like I'm not going to sit here and explain to you why what you're asking is inappropriate. Like, why do you not know?

51:07 It's like two plus two equals four level like self-explanatory.

51:11 Yeah. And he didn't even come to you in the way that, you know, how they said it was more of like a manipulation tactic of like, well, I like her. And and, you know, I just feel like I just want your permission, you know, and, you know, nothing against you. I just want to see where it goes with this girl. Like, that's so disrespectful to me. It's like, oh, by the way, I'm going to throw you to the side for a second, see if I like this girl, and then probably break up with you, like, divorce you later.

51:44 It's just so crazy. He's just talking like he's, like, in a cover band, and he's telling his bandmates. He's like, yeah, no, I'm just going to, like, do, like, one show with, like, these other guys. Like, I'm not leaving. You guys are great. I'll be here. I just want to go do this other show. Yeah. Is that cool? It's like, that's not what you're asking, bro. You're asking to go outside of your marriage.

52:06 You are asking.

52:07 Which is kind of the point of getting married.

52:10 Literally.

52:11 He'd be on the thinnest little teeny, teeny, teeny, teeny little sheet ice. And as soon as he falls through that, I'm gone. Gone. I'm already gone.

52:21 Yeah, same.

52:21 I'm already gone. I'm so gone. I'm gone as well.

52:24 Well, he came home from work last night and he hadn't had the talk with her.

52:28 Yep.

52:29 Instead, he doubled down on being Polly.

52:32 Hmm.

52:33 Well, it's going to be hard for him to be Polly when he's divorced and single. That's not Polly. Now you're just trying to date your coworker.

52:43 That's crazy. I mean, this guy. Bye. Bye-bye. He insists nothing has happened yet, but that his coworker probably does think there is something between them. I asked him why she would think that, and he said, by her behavior. At this point, it doesn't matter to me either way. He is already so in love with another woman that he is willing to break my heart. Looks like there's nothing left of my marriage to save. It hurts, but I'm not going to beg someone to choose me. So now we are separated while I figure out what comes next.

53:12 We are in a no-fault state and he has no assets. Does anyone have any advice for an uncontested divorce? I do not.

53:19 My advice would be get a lawyer. And also, makes a lot of sense this guy has no assets.

53:25 Yeah, he also has no brains. So, you know, whatever. I don't wish him luck. I hope it turns out horrible. And he's like, oh, dang.

53:35 He's going to talk to his coworker and she's going to be like, oh.

53:38 Yeah.

53:40 I'm sorry. Literally, yeah.

53:42 He's never even really had a talk with her about how he has attraction to her. And I'm sure when he finally admits that, she's going to be like, what?

53:50 All of this for a probably. She probably likes me. I don't know. I don't know. I haven't talked to her. She's so scary.

53:59 It's like it's all up in the air. Nothing is set in stone and you're like already effing it up.

54:03 You idiot. Oh, what is that? A girl might like me. Maybe we blow up my entire marriage for that.

54:08 Right.

54:09 But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up. My husband was secretly talking about me and I accidentally overheard.

54:18 Well, accidents happen.

54:20 I've been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for two years. We've always had a pretty great relationship, but lately life has been kicking our butts. Issues with health insurance, rising cost of living, work drama, family drama, teenage kid drama, tours building up, paying off debt, never having time to ourselves, etc. So a normal American household.

54:42 Just getting blasted.

54:45 That sounds like a normal Monday to me. We both have been taking turns being miserable, stressed out, and not our best selves. We try to acknowledge that it's life making us feel this way, and we're still good, but sometimes it's hard, you know? We sometimes get snippy or sarcastic with each other, and I hate that.

55:03 Yesterday, I woke up.

55:05 Alone in bed and in a mood. I wasn't feeling well. I woke up with a massive, painful cold sore. I was tired and grouchy and just didn't want anything to do with anything. I walked into my kitchen to make myself some coffee and I noticed my husband sitting on the couch with his back to me and his AirPods in his ears. He had no idea I was out of bed and in the kitchen. He was on his phone with one of his childhood best friends who has been having some issues in his own marriage for a long time now. I heard my husband say my name and I froze. I swear I wasn't trying to eavesdrop.

55:39 I just wanted my coffee. This is what I heard. By the way, this story comes from Mardik's murder. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.

55:50 I'm Dakota.

55:50 And we're here to give some good advice, Goofly. But guess what? We don't have all your answers, surprisingly. They're not all here. But we're going to tell you what we would do. Let us know what you would do down in the comments. As OP says, I remember when my name and I first started dating. I would drive 45 minutes to her parents' house to hang out with her, watch Netflix on the couch until like 4 a.m., then drive back home and get ready for work. I did that crap like three or four times a week. I was so tired, but I didn't mind it because I just wanted to be around her. Okay, this is starting off well.

56:27 Yeah, but it's starting off in like the, oh yeah, this is what I went through. I was so tired, but I liked her back then, I guess.

56:35 But now I hate her guts. We weren't even fooling around or anything because my son was still little and sleeping in her room. But it didn't matter because I just loved being around her and couldn't wait to see her again. It's different now because we've been living together and I don't have to do all that driving anymore.

56:53 And we're stressed out about life and money and stuff. But I still love being around her. That feeling never went away. OP is my best friend and she makes me happy as crap, man. The best thing I ever did in my life was marry her. If it weren't for her and my son, I don't think I would have made it this long. When she's not home, I freaking miss her. When I'm out with you guys, my mind is on her. You and friend's wife haven't been good for a long time. I don't remember you guys ever being happy, even when you were first dating. Therapy isn't working for either of you. Maybe it's time to pull the plug and find someone who makes you feel the way I feel about her. Okay, I thought this was going to be so bad.

57:33 It's good.

57:35 It's a good story. Yes.

57:37 It's overhearing in the good way.

57:41 This could go south. He could be like, just kidding. Or like, psych, I hate her. I hope that's not the case.

57:47 He just goes, wouldn't that be funny if that's how I actually felt?

57:51 And that's what I would say to a woman that I love.

57:55 That's so funny.

57:56 The way my heart melted like a block of ice. Every negative thought in my head, every eye roll out of socks on the floor, every resentment I had built up just melted away. I walked back into my bedroom, coffee in my hands and tears in my eyes.

58:11 I'm just happy that this was you overheard your husband being like, yeah, dude, I won the lottery. Your wife sucks.

58:20 It's true.

58:21 My wife rocks. I don't even think you like her. Let me tell you about how much I like my wife.

58:28 She's the best in every way possible.

58:31 She's not even in the room. I have no idea where she is. I wish she was in the room with me. I love her.

58:38 I'm thinking about her.

58:39 When I'm hanging out with you idiots, I'm like, none of these people are my wife.

58:45 My wife, my wife.

58:47 And it makes me sad.

58:50 Help me. Where's my wife? Give me my wife. An hour or so later, he slipped into our bedroom and said, good morning, love. I see you already have coffee, but do I have some tea for you? Meaning the gossip with his friend.

59:08 Oh, he's, he's, he's. a girly pop. That's the best kind. He's just one of the girls.

59:14 I may not have everything that I want. There may be bills and laundry and dishes piling up. And sure, my car needs new tires, and I have no idea where the money for that is coming from. But I am so, so lucky, and I needed that reminder.

59:27 Aww.

59:28 Stop it. Lovey-dovey meet cute. I love. I love it. That was really, really nice.

59:34 I love your wife. No.

59:38 I love your wife.

59:39 You love your wife.

59:40 No, I.

59:41 I love your wife as well.

59:43 Well, OP is loved by her husband.

59:47 And a lot of love in this story. But that's the end of that story. And we got another one coming right up. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here. And we're going to get back to the stories. But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

1:00:03 My wife cheated with a stranger, then did everything to win me back.

1:00:09 Too little, too late.

1:00:11 My wife, 28 female, cheated on me, 29 male, two months ago. She went out drinking with her friends, which happens rarely, despite me asking her several times to stay home with me that night and spend time with our two-year-old son. Oh, I hate it. Apparently, at the bar, this dude bought her several drinks, and she got wasted, which was extremely atypical of her. Her friends had a bad feeling and tried to bring her home, but she insisted she would take a cab, and they eventually left her alone with the guy. Bad friends. As it turns out, she went home with him. The whole time I was blowing up her phone, dozens of texts and calls, and I kept asking her friends where she was, but I got no answer. Then she comes back at 3 a.m.,

1:00:58 reeking of drink and covered in tears. She confessed to everything right at the door, every single detail. She didn't even know this guy's name, yet went to his house and slept with him. She said as soon as her head cleared up, she broke down in tears over what she had done and took a cab home.

1:01:15 That's actually insane.

1:01:16 Like what?

1:01:18 I am not going to defend this girl at all because I think that's very crappy. I like horrible freaking friends who leaves their wasted friend at a bar by themselves with a random guy. Yeah. Who does that?

1:01:30 Who was also like, this is don't take drinks from strangers.

1:01:34 I mean, if someone's going to buy me a drink, cool. But like, I don't like that. I don't like your friends. Two, they left you with a strange man who just kept buying new drinks. Why didn't you say, like, oh, I'm married? Or why didn't your friend say, oh, she's married or something, you know? And then three, they leave. You go home with this guy. And then you don't even know his name. Like, that's insane.

1:01:57 Crazy. Crazy on multiple fronts.

1:02:01 I don't know. I've been wasted, but I still know what I can still make cognitive decisions.

1:02:07 Yeah, that just makes me feel like that there is something sketchy in the drinks. Now me, I was enraged, but didn't want to say or do anything. I calmly told her to shower and go to sleep. Then I took off my wedding ring and got out of the house. I just went driving around for a bit. Meanwhile, she's blowing up my phone with messages and voicemails apologizing and begging me to come back. By the way, this comes from wife cheated throwaway. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.

1:02:34 I'm Dakota.

1:02:35 And I'm Savannah.

1:02:36 And we're going to read this story and give good advice googly, but we don't have all the answers to life's mysterious little situations. We only know what we know. So let us know what you know in the comments. And OP says, I come back a few hours later and she's awake, still sobbing. I asked her what we would do now, and she swore to do anything and everything to regain my trust. I was of a mind to divorce immediately, but I loved my wife. I didn't forgive her yet but gave her a chance to try.

1:03:04 She was ecstatic but still in tears saying she doesn't deserve it but will make the most of it. And I guess she's been true to her word. She doesn't go out to bars anymore without me. She gave me complete access to all of her stuff. She only drinks when I'm there and she has been giving 200% to please me. Cooking all my favorite meals, buying gifts, continually apologizing, doing more housework, even writing poems asking for my forgiveness.

1:03:29 Feels like Once something like that happens, all of those things just become tinged with like, yeah, you cheated on me.

1:03:37 Yeah.

1:03:37 It's like, oh, you're only doing this to suck up to me because you did wrong. Now you have to do right. And you have. But it's like you never know what point is going to be OK. You never know when it's going to get thrown back in your face like that.

1:03:50 You're just just a little just a little thing just at the back. Here's your hamburger helper you love. I cheated on you. I got you this watch. I cheated on you. Oh, doth I love the way the love me I cheated on you. She even confessed what she had done to her friends who have been avoiding her out of disgust for what she did. Shut up, friends.

1:04:12 That's insane.

1:04:13 Shut up, friends. You literally abandoned her with a strange man at the bar.

1:04:17 Just went, all right, bye, see ya.

1:04:19 That's so gross.

1:04:20 And didn't even like... And, like, didn't even have the audacity to tell the husband, who was also texting you guys, like, where is she? And they just, none of them answered. Like, who are you?

1:04:29 You're not friends. I would have had my Brody in a headlock if something like that was happening.

1:04:33 Yeah.

1:04:33 I would have dragged him out of the bar. She also told her parents what she did on her own accord and explained that she was trying to save her marriage. Not once did she try to blame the cheating on me or remove any responsibility from herself. She accepted full blame and owned up to her actions. She still cries from time to time out of remorse, like before bed, during showers, or sometimes just while cooking. She's doing everything flawlessly.

1:04:59 Despite this, I just can't get the image out of my head. Every time she tries to be intimate, I think of her and him. I clam up and push her away. Since that night, we haven't so much as hugged. She's tried to kiss me before, but I just distance myself. I've been sleeping in the guest bedroom while she begs me to come to her and then cries herself to sleep every night. I know that she's truly, genuinely sorry.

1:05:23 These aren't crocodile tears that most cheaters cry when they get caught. She confessed immediately, changed her habits, and did everything I asked. She sometimes asks me if I've forgiven her yet, and I always say, not yet. I mentioned possibly divorcing her a few weeks ago, and she broke down saying she will never love another man, will never allow another man to raise our child, and that I mean everything to her. Despite all of this, I just can't forget what she did. Our anniversary is in nine days, and this keeps triggering memories of our relationship, the wedding, the birth of our son, trips we took, and now it just hurts. We've been together since high school, fully committed and faithful, and I just can't grasp how she

1:06:04 could do this to me. Well, I can. You've been together since high school.

1:06:09 Yeah, she... I mean, obviously, this was kind of like in the back of her head, but never really came to fruition until she... Could not control her actions.

1:06:21 I am here to ask. Is there any way I can bring myself to forgive her? Or should I just divorce her and move on? I want my son to grow up with the belief that cheating is totally unacceptable. And I feel like if I stay, my son will learn that it's okay to forgive cheating. I'm thinking about therapy for myself. I'm reluctant to do marriage counseling since I fear the counselor will try to spin the whole thing on me and blame me for creating an environment that led her to cheat. Please help me. I don't know what to do. And there's an update. Go to marriage counseling, dude.

1:06:48 Yeah, you definitely have to go.

1:06:49 There's no way. You can't just stay in this weird thing where she does everything at 200% trying to make you feel better and you just go like, ugh.

1:07:00 Yeah, it's like you're not even trying to... Well, it's hard. I couldn't imagine. If my partner cheated on me, I immediately would want to leave. But also, it's like we've been together for years. There's a child, you know. Like this is all I've ever known and now what are we supposed to do now? It's a horrible situation.

1:07:20 But I truly believe that if you want to make it work, You will find a way. But if you don't want, I think you're still kind of throwing it up in the air of, do I want to be with her? Do I not want to? And now you are bringing in your son and being like, oh, what would he think, you know, when we grow up? And then he learns that. And then I stayed like, you know, it's not okay for him to think that that's all right.

1:07:45 But the thing is, you have to worry about yourself in this situation. And I feel like you're really worrying about her, which obviously you love her. You want her to feel okay. And she's worrying about you. I think you both need to worry about yourselves right now and understand where you want to go in the future with this.

1:08:03 Because obviously she wants to be a thing, but you're up in the air about it. Which is totally understandable. Your life just got flipped upside down. But you need to express that to someone outside of the situation. And I feel like individual therapy would be very good for both of you. And then also marriage counseling would be great.

1:08:23 Because that's going to bring you That's going to let you guys understand it from an expert point of view. Here's the thing. This is not the first time this has ever happened and it won't be the last, you know, in any marriage. I'm just not saying like she's going to go cheat again. I'm saying like, you know, people cheat in marriages and they still make it work. And sometimes people cheat in marriages and it doesn't work. Which one do you want to be?

1:08:45 I mean, I think with the context of everything, it could be salvageable, but you 100% can't do it alone. Mm-hmm. And you can't just be like, oh, I won't do it because I'm afraid that they'll pin on me it's like if they do that then just leave the marriage oh I figured out what I'm gonna do I'm going to ask her for the full truth about this guy I find it weird that she remembers he's divorced to 33 and not in shape but can't remember his name I'm just going to get the full truth out of her and then steal myself to suggest divorce As one user said in a private message, she will suffer most if I leave her. In her own words, she said that would destroy her, but I'm not divorcing her just to spite her. I'm doing it because I don't want

1:09:29 to remain in a ruined marriage and because she betrayed me and I'm not willing to be a doormat. I probably won't change my mind, but I'll come back with an update later anyway. Dude, honestly, for you to be like, I don't want to do marriage counseling because they might say that it's my fault. And then to instead just listen to just random unqualified people on the internet. Which is what we are. But we tell you that. That's why we're telling you go talk to someone qualified to deal with your issues.

1:09:57 We give the CTA that we don't have all the answers.

1:09:59 But there's a second update. I thought long and hard about what to do after reading all the responses and PMs. And even had a phone conversation with another Redditor who was kind enough to lend me his time. I confronted her for the full truth yesterday. Same old stuff, her crying and apologizing and begging for forgiveness. She didn't remember his name, since it didn't come up after their introduction, and she said the reason she kept talking to him was because he was practically drooling over her and she took pity on him for being recently divorced, losing his house, custody, money, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:10:31 So basically, my wife tried to comfort him and got her ego stroked at the same time, then slept with him. Her phone was on silent the whole time, very unusual for her, but she wanted to hang out with her friends undisturbed. She swore on her life that she would do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to save our marriage. I asked her what lengths she was willing to go to, and she said if what it takes is me being with another woman right in front of her, then she would go for it. That sounds healthy!

1:10:56 Yeah, that's not the way to go. It's not fight fire with fire, an eye for an eye.

1:11:01 That's, nope, not it. If it took having a half-open relationship on my end, then she would do it. If it took her admitting to our son when he's an adult what she did, she would do it. Another question. terrible idea there's just some things your kids don't need to know yeah if you're worried like i don't want my kid to think that cheating's okay then maybe just never ever tell him that your wife cheated on you and you guys stayed together after marriage counseling yeah unless it becomes relevant she said she would do whatever it takes and i'll admit i was surprised and touched by this in that moment i understood that my wife was truly remorseful and loved me beyond measure i saw that her apology her efforts and everything she had done was

1:11:39 genuine i loved my wife Then I remembered that many people go through life without ever cheating on their partner. For the 12 years of our relationship, I have not strayed once despite having several opportunities. My wife did all she could to try and atone, but once something is broken, you can't restore it to what it once was. I'd rather be unmarried than stay in a once-broken, repaired marriage, even if I took her back. The marriage would never be the same, and I don't want to constantly be in paranoia wondering if she's actually working late or hurting me again. I told her I wanted a divorce and she broke. I explained to her why, despite her pleading.

1:12:15 She got on her knees and begged at my feet, saying she would rather pass away than be without me. I told her that actions have consequences and I will never forgive her for cheating. I told her to move back in with her parents for the time being, and I said I would take care of our son, but she's allowed to visit him anytime. She kept crying and begging, but I was firm on this, and she's moving out in two days. I mean, you're not wrong, but I don't like that. I don't. I don't know why. I mean, you're not in the wrong, but it really feels like you guys were together since high school. It's like the most like cliche, like, oh, why did someone cheat? It's like, well, you're the only person I've been with for 12 years.

1:12:51 It's like, I don't know. Out of all of the context in which like, with all the context of the story, I think you guys should have tried marriage counseling, but whatever.

1:13:00 I feel like, OP, you're just comparing yourself to other people instead of trying to really feel what you want to do. Like, what do you really want to do? Do you want to divorce or do you want to keep trying? And I feel like you think that if you keep trying, like you do want to try, you do love your wife, you want to be together, but you're thinking too much about what everyone else is going to think.

1:13:23 But you're also not wrong. You're not wrong. There's just two wolves inside you and one loves your wife and one just always remembers that she cheated on you. And that wolf is eating the other wolf.

1:13:34 Yeah, they're just fighting. You gotta deal with the inner turmoil that's happening.

1:13:38 I guess there's really only one wolf in you now. It's the wolf that remembers your wife cheated on you. I plan to meet with a divorce lawyer soon and get the ball rolling. I've already decided to remain on civil but minimal terms with her when we are divorced. Never will I entertain the idea of reconciling, but I will be polite in our future interactions solely for my son's sake. For the next few months that we're apart, I'm going to make the most of it. I will focus first and foremost on my son. I won't go out and mingle with new women until I'm divorced. I will spend more time at the gym and focus my free time on my hobbies, playing the piano and painting.

1:14:14 I won't update anymore. Thanks to all who gave advice and tried to help me make the right decision. I'm confident in what I'm doing and I pray things work out for me. And that is the end of that story.

1:14:24 Yeah.

1:14:25 Again, I got to just say you're not wrong, but man, for the kid, I don't know, but maybe it's for the best for the kid. Like you said, maybe it's, you know, maybe the kid needs to understand, hey, yeah, you know, there are lines you don't cross and lines you don't come back from, but I don't know. A lot of cheating is black and white, but this one felt a little grayer, but again, you're not wrong. It just is hard and sucks.

1:14:49 Yeah, and I don't, truthfully, OP, I feel like if you stay in it, you're never going to actually forgive her.

1:14:55 Yeah.

1:14:56 So.

1:14:56 Not without counseling, which you were not going to do, so I guess that's.

1:15:00 So that's off the table.

1:15:01 And counseling might not have even worked either.

1:15:03 True.

1:15:04 It sounds like it honestly probably wouldn't have. Sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

1:15:08 But that's the end of that story and the end of this episode.