My fiancé EXPECTED me to cook for his family every holiday... so I reconsidered marrying him! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP3108

0:00 Hey, this is Angie.

0:01 And this is Dakota, your favorite OK Storytime hosts. And we've got some great stories coming up.

0:05 But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from the sponsors that keep this show running.

0:11 My fiancé expected me to cook for his family every holiday, so I reconsidered marrying him.

0:17 Mmm, yes, chef.

0:18 My fiancé has a rather large family. Parents, two brothers with significant others, numerous adult nieces and nephews and their partners. And there's usually always some distant aunt, uncle, or cousin that tags along. I have two family members that join holidays. This year, neither will be able to attend. Last year, one was present. So for the past four years, I've been single-handedly cooking from scratch and hosting for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. So essentially, I've been cooking dinner for 20 people or so while my partner... Baby sits a brisket in the smoker. There's a lot of logistics behind cooking for a large crowd. I start prepping the night before.

0:54 Cook all morning and afternoon, and by the time everything's done, I'm too exhausted to enjoy the.

0:59 Food I cooked and eat.

1:00 Last year, I requested that everyone attending brings one side dish or dessert.

1:04 No one brought anything. What are we doing?

1:07 I had a feeling that's what it was going to be as no one mentioned what they're bringing. So I prepared for it anyway. And by the way, this comes from Final Blackberry. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.

1:18 I'm Dakota. I'm Keon.

1:20 We're going to read this story. We're going to have our thoughts and give maybe a little bit of good advice. But we're just a bunch of goofballs. We don't know everything.

1:26 It might be bad advice. It just might be. But let us know what you would do in the comments. As OP says.

1:33 Just to mention, I have never been thanked for hosting or cooking. Literally by no one. What is this nightmare family?

1:41 I guess we don't know manners. Just common courtesy manners.

1:44 Thank you.

1:45 Goodness for my parents. They engraved that into my brain to be like, say thank you.

1:49 Good boy, say thank you. And bring food when the person says, everyone bring a side. Never come empty handed. What?

1:56 Yeah, you never come empty handed unless you are told to like, don't come, don't bring anything.

2:00 Honestly, I'm so George Costanza, or I was for so long when it came to that. I was like, what do you mean I gotta bring something? They didn't say to bring anything. It's just good manners. All leftovers get picked over and taken home. Last year I also had to cook the following day because... There was nothing left to eat except some baked brie that my mother-in-law turned her nose up to, and I wanted to enjoy leftovers at least.

2:22 That's... Well, okay, keep reading. But that's like the best part of Thanksgiving in my opinion. Other than like eating and celebrating with family.

2:29 Yeah.

2:30 But the leftovers like next day.

2:32 So you brought and cooked all the food and everyone else took it.

2:37 I think OP doesn't say anything. Or Opie tells her partner, Hey, can you talk to your family for me?

2:42 Yeah.

2:42 Shut up.

2:58 I like how his first response is, well, then it's not going to happen. If you're not cooking, it just isn't going to exist. Oh, no.

3:06 Christmas and Thanksgiving is ruined.

3:08 My reaction was, nope, that's your tradition. I will not make boxed stuffing. And if they're planning on coming, you better put in that catering order. He has not spoken to me since. I also had to explain everything. when I shouldn't have to, that I haven't been feeling well. I finished an eight month course of a pretty rough medication that dries out all the.

3:29 Joints in your body.

3:30 I've been achy and miserable and I feel stiff when I overwork myself.

3:34 I wonder why.

3:35 Am I the a-hole for not wanting to entertain 20 plus people twice a year every year? I've decided to possibly sit out Thanksgiving completely and Buy a pre-made single-serving Thanksgiving dinner at the local grocery store that just needs to be popped in the oven for a while and going to watch the new Lady Gaga movie. Verdict, not the a-hole. And we do have some comments, but yeah, of course.

3:53 Yeah, we all knew that. We all knew you weren't the a-hole. Of course not the a-hole.

3:56 Um, maybe make it prolific that, hey, one. I'm achy and I hurt. I can't cook this year. But also, why is everyone expecting me to cook for 20 plus people when I get no gratitude? Everyone takes all the food that I make. I don't even get to enjoy it. And not even a no thank yous.

4:13 Everyone. No, no one brings anything. Not even a thank you is crazy.

4:17 Like I spent many years of my life not bringing things when I should. But if somebody cooked a whole Thanksgiving dinner, I'm saying thank you so much for this delicious food.

4:28 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Crazy. Doing it for your family, Opie. Thank you.

4:33 Honestly, I would, all that other stuff you said, I would just point out the fact you've never been thanked and shown any appreciation.

4:41 Genuinely, just make your husband cook. You remember he does the brisket?

4:44 Yeah.

4:44 That he just watches?

4:45 Which, yes, it takes a long time to cook a brisket, but it's because it sits in a smoker for 10 hours and you just have to go over there and spritz it with like juice every once in a while.

4:55 Yeah, just make enough, honey, make enough brisket for everyone. And that's it.

4:59 Chellerks81 says, what does your son say about it?

5:02 Oh, we've got a son? We have a child? Opie says he's fine with either way.

5:06 He said we can cook or not cook at all. I hate being the person that goes to establishments on a holiday. I feel like that everyone deserves time off and I haven't patronized any businesses open on holidays. I will most likely pick something up the day before. I was also sent a link by a wonderful Redditor for a Thanksgiving sheet pan dinner for two, which sounds easy enough.

5:24 And that's an option as well. OP elaborates on having to do the cooking and the cleaning. I wash all the pots and pans as I go.

5:32 This story just gets worse and worse. It's like a nightmare for anybody.

5:36 Well, yeah. Otherwise, it's a never ending disaster.

5:40 But even by doing that, it is a big kitchen cleanup. Things have to be put away. Floors have to be swept and mopped. Then the actual dinner cleanup starts. It is a lot and I can't do it this year. And I doubt I'll ever do it again if I feel better health wise. Not on this scale, at least. When OP is told they're ruining the relationship, you know, they're out there.

6:02 They're out there. The people who think like this.

6:05 OP says, I don't think I've ruined anything that was built on a solid foundation of partnership and respect. Because I mean, isn't that what a relationship should be? If me saying no to cooking for a crowd several years in a row ruins a relationship, so be it.

6:18 It's not a relationship I should be in anyway.

6:21 I have made my peace. Updates coming in a few days. I will not be cooking this year. I explained how dismissive, hurtful, and inconsiderate his actions have been, along with a few other things in this relationship. I'm stepping back from the relationship until further notice. He needs help in the form of counseling or alone time to figure himself out. There's nothing I can do for him with that, and he needs to self-reflect. Of course, today he... pretended everything was okay.

6:45 It wasn't for me. And there's also an edit. Guys, my partner found this post and sent me the link. Now apparently we're canceling everything because I'm venting to strangers on the internet.

6:53 I guess he didn't like what he read. Oops. They never do. Yeah.

6:56 For like the most part, like 90% of the time, 85% of the time, they never do. Hey, I found this. You're talking to strangers on the internet. And they say I'm the a-hole. And that's not nice of you. You shouldn't have done that. You should try talking to me first. Yeah.

7:08 Oh, I did.

7:09 Remember?

7:10 I did. And you told me, no, this is your job forever now. And you're going to ruin everything. Yeah. We got some more comments.

7:17 Pride of Cape Town says, quick kind of sort of related question in your edit. When you said we're canceling the whole thing, did you mean Thanksgiving or the engagement? And OP says, we can cancel.

7:26 Both at this point. Uh-oh. Go girl. Let that cook. Go girl.

7:31 I haven't seen him since this post. I just received a message saying I ruined his whole week. The feeling is mutual. I just got off work, picked myself up a lobster mac and cheese. Yum.

7:39 And I'm going to watch true crime all night. Yum. Update from eight days later.

7:44 I think OP knows it's been over for a while.

7:48 Yeah. It sounds like there's a lot more going on behind the scenes.

7:52 A little bit more meat, uh, It's just like.

7:55 A microcosm of like the problem with them, it feels like.

7:59 Truly, truly. You go, girl. You know, I think she's been checked out for a while and I don't blame her.

8:05 Eight days later, since everything was canceled, I picked up a ready-prepared meal from the store that needed to be heated.

8:11 Turkey breast, stuffing, brussel sprouts, pie, the usual.

8:15 My son and I decided to make mac and cheese, and that was going to be our Thanksgiving with our cats. Wednesday evening, I was told that Thanksgiving lunch was at my fiancé' s mother's house at 1230.

8:24 Sure, I attended.

8:25 I brought a pan of mac and cheese, cleaned up after myself, and said thanks. and left at 3. I spent the rest of my day on the couch in my pajamas drinking mimosas and watching TV.

8:36 We had our store-bought Thanksgiving meal for dinner.

8:38 This is turning out... I mean, Opie, again, Opie's just ready. And I don't blame her. She's ready to just go.

8:44 Yeah.

8:45 Done.

8:45 It turned out you were dating a turkey. Gobble, gobble.

8:48 You gotta put that boy in the oven because you cooked him. As far as the relationship, this event hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me reconsider this relationship. And right now I don't want to marry him. He needs to reflect and figure out how his behavior affects people around him and what he can do to change it.

9:03 I laid out everything on the table.

9:05 What I need from a partner and what he could contribute to this relationship emotionally and otherwise. He argued and made it about himself because that's easier than acknowledging his shortcomings. Eventually, he apologized and according to him, we'll do better. Whatever that means. Mine was quite relaxing after all.

9:21 Time to put up.

9:36 The tree and some more comments here pride of cape town says about the lunch at his mother's place was that awkward were there any comments or questions about what happened to the tradition or did everyone including him treat you well as if nothing happened op says the only comment i got was when i turned down leftovers because i had a dinner waiting his brother said so you cooked after all i said oh .

9:58 Way to push the wrong button. Wow.

10:03 I would have just Cyclops laser beam vaporized to that man.

10:07 I said, I didn't cook. The store cooked for me.

10:10 Otherwise, it wasn't awkward and everyone seemed okay, which leads me to believe they didn't care much about the tradition.

10:16 Tradition. And it was more about my partner than them.

10:18 I'm sorry that your Thanksgivings and your Christmases were dreadful. I mean, every time he comes around, you're like, you're probably dreading it and it's giving you stress and anxiety. Hopefully you don't have to deal with that anymore and you can enjoy it in the future and get people get to cook for you.

10:30 That's the end of that story. We have another one coming right up. Tradition.

10:33 My partner refused to get a job until an offer came from me. Well, it's best to lead by example. Alright, I guess some background on myself first.

10:42 I grew up poor.

10:42 Like, on the verge of homelessness for most of my childhood kind of poor. My mother and older brother both worked two jobs busting their butts just to make ends meet. I started my first official job. I'd been doing odd jobs to help out since I was 13. on my 16th birthday. Since then, I haven't gone more than three months without having some kind of job, be it waiting tables or cleaning houses. Basically, I was raised with the principle that not having a job or working is just not an option. It was difficult, but both my brother and myself were able to balance school and work, and since graduating college, I've been able to provide for myself fully.

11:16 It's a huge source of pride for myself. On the other hand, there's my significant other. His family is most definitely not mega-rich, But to my knowledge, they have never been anywhere near the financial situation of my childhood. Both of his parents had fairly lucrative careers. They've both since retired.

11:32 They have always had a lovely big home and food on the table. So my significant other was never expected to work or get a part-time job. Today, he's still living at home. And by the way, this comes from user GetADangJob. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

11:50 I'm Keon. I'm Dakota. And we're Goofy Goobers. We only know how to be Goofy Goobers. Rock! See, we don't know everything.

11:58 We only know what we do. So let us know what you do in the comments down below. Pretty please.

12:01 I'll tell you what I would have done.

12:02 I would have made my son get a dang job, even if he is living at home, especially if he's living at home.

12:07 What's going on with that?

12:08 As OP says, now that we both graduated with our respective degrees. First, I got to commend you and your brother and shout out to your family for really just going through hard times and getting through hard times.

12:18 That's the first thing. Shout out to his family.

12:20 Now that we've graduated with our respective degrees, I'm currently working at an entry-level position in my career field. I have no delusions about myself or a current job market. I realize I got lucky getting a good job, and a lot of equally qualified graduates are having serious problems getting jobs. But I do think my work ethic played a huge part. It may have been crappy service-related jobs, but they taught me responsibility and how to be a good worker. I'm not ashamed of doing work that's beneath me because it made me into the dedicated and hardworking person I am today. My significant other is having a much harder time finding work, or that was the excuse a few months after graduation last year. And I do understand,

12:59 his major doesn't lend itself to a whole lot of career options at the moment, And he got extremely dejected.

13:04 But nearly a year later, he is still dejected.

13:07 He's only sent out two applications in almost a year.

13:11 Oh, come on. Come on.

13:13 I know people who send out like 50 applications a week.

13:17 Yeah, but the thing is, that's because those people need it and want it.

13:20 This guy. This guy's like, eh, it'll come to me. Then you don't care.

13:24 I brought up numerous times that he can always apply to a part-time whatever job while still searching for his career job. He always sounds like he agrees, but still, no. No applications have been sent. I've offered to ask around at my past workplaces and see if they're hiring, and he doesn't seem interested. On some level, I get not wanting to take work that's below him or his degree, but guess what?

13:46 I was able to suck it up and do it.

13:48 We had plans to move in together once my lease is up this year, but I've all but given up on that happening. And he knows that I was really counting on him because my current apartment is not owned by a new landlord who's raising the rent ridiculously high. And if we don't move into a place together, I'll need to majorly downsize on my own.

14:03 And I realize.

14:04 that it isn't his responsibility to take care of my living arrangements, but still. He knows that him not getting a job, any job, is going to put me in a crappy position, and I know on some level that he cares about that, but apparently not enough to suck it up and get a job. I don't like ultimatums, and I've tried to be understanding and empathetic about the situation as possible as I can be, but his lack of taking initiative and lack of trying and seriously unaliving the rest of the otherwise perfect relationship for me.

14:32 And honestly, You need to tell this guy, I'm leaving. If you're not going to have a job, I'm leaving.

14:38 Yeah.

14:39 We get a lot of these stories where like someone worked really hard and like the other person didn't work hard enough or is working hard enough.

14:46 And it just never, it's never going to work out.

14:47 Yeah.

14:47 It's two different mentalities. Sometimes it does, but usually this comes up and it pisses off. the one person who works their butt off, they don't understand that.

14:56 Yeah, because it's their values. They're like, I value working hard to provide for yourself. And if you're not willing to just get a job, like it doesn't have to be the last job you ever have. It's just a job in the meantime, because in the real world, you got to do what you got to do. OP continues saying, I'm starting to just feel angry when I look at him.

15:17 Oh no.

15:17 Jeez. And I tried to bring this up to him, but he just gets defensive and tells me not to worry that he's working on it. At what point do I say enough is enough? Am I not being supportive enough? Am I being too hard on him? Any advice would be seriously appreciated. And we have an edit. But Dakota, what do we do?

15:35 Do you think he hasn't he hasn't tried to get a job for like a year? I mean, two applications, even if you do want like your your dream job or whatever.

15:45 Two applications in a year doesn't even reflect that.

15:47 I would be like, hey, have you asked your parents? Like, your parents seem like they know people. They're retired already. They have to know people. Do they know anyone that could help you out or something that you want to like at least do?

15:58 I don't know.

15:59 I would be, I would ask if you really want to stick it, stick through with this, this person in this relationship, be like, I'm going.

16:05 To start signing you up for things. I'm going to start sending out your application. Give it to me. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

16:09 I'm just going to start sending in applications to little Caesars. I mean like straight up, just get a, get a job working at a restaurant, something and literally anything.

16:20 This just shows his initiative. It's not good. But we have an edit.

16:24 I mean, what is he doing all this time? Like, is he working to better his skills in his career? I want to know what his degree was. Because she did say... I feel like it was probably, I mean, just going out on a limb here, maybe software related.

16:40 I think it's like communications. It's like, what is that? Exactly. People in the comments, let me know. We have an edit. Wow.

16:47 Thank you everyone for your responses. As a few people suggested, I'm going to take tomorrow to sit down and do some serious thinking. Also, a few people have mentioned the possibility of depression. I think there is definitely a chance that he is slightly depressed and has found himself stuck in a vicious cycle. That is the post, you know, post-college thing. people yeah for sure which it does happen i'm going to try to approach him about this as gently as i can if that is a major factor in why he hasn't been looking for work what does that mean for my approach with him i tried my best to be supportive this past year am i justified in telling him he needs to start taking steps to pull himself out of it and we have an update

17:21 and I think that's a great we like hey if you're in a funk let's talk about it like are you are you should we get you help but you just sitting there and not changing this problem or just allowing it to happen or let the cycle continue it's it's the Ouroboros yeah we have an update five months later do we think he has a job do we think They're broken up.

17:43 I sure hope so, man. I hope he's got a job. Let's find out. Or at least been sending out applications.

17:48 Yeah.

17:49 So after posting, I had another serious talk with my significant other about his work ethic and how it was poisoning the relationship for me. I explained that his life choices were his own. But if he wanted to be with me, then he had to step up and get some sort of job. Just any job. He took it surprisingly well and explained that he was too frustrated with his situation. Apparently, his parents had been putting a good deal of pressure on him to not get a part-time job.

18:12 What?

18:13 His mother in particular. Without revealing too much personal information, his family culture is pretty accepting of mama's boy syndrome. Not Italian, but geographically and culturally pretty similar.

18:24 What do you think?

18:25 Greek.

18:25 Greek. I don't know. I have no idea. I would say Greek. That would be my biggest guess. Yeah.

18:32 Basically, that's where he got his attitude of certain work being beneath him. Plus, his older brother had lived at home well into his late 20s. Now, I do love his family. They've been nothing but warm and welcoming to me. But I told him flat out, that it was terrible advice. I also pointed out that his brother was in an extremely different position as he was working on a PhD at the time. The real resolution came about a month and a half ago. Out of the blue, my company offered me a position halfway across the country. This forced us to have a very serious come to Jesus type of talk about our relationship and our future. I told him plainly that I didn't want to rush him But we needed to either work out this problem or I

19:11 would be taking the position. Well, Reddit, that certainly lit a fire under him.

19:15 This man just say he's going to burn you at the stake. I'm going to light a fire under you if you don't. What's that smell? What's that smell?

19:23 Purity.

19:25 A little bit left here. What do we think?

19:28 To be clear, it's not really in so many places all around the world. It's not a weird thing to live at home with your family. Oh, but I think the biggest thing is you're not just like laying.

19:40 Around doing nothing on the teat. You got to be off the teat.

19:44 If you're living at home, you live at home to provide for your family, not to leech off of them.

19:48 Truly.

19:49 I mean, if that's my growing up and he saw his brother do it, I can see him just like, okay, this is okay.

19:55 Right. Yeah.

19:55 Especially if you got the pressure, like the pressure from your mom to be like, don't get a job, sweet baby.

20:01 I'll provide.

20:01 Hopefully that fire that you lit under him, that that was the wake up call. It it it got him up and was like, OK, let's do it. I'll support you and we'll I'll get a job.

20:11 Figure it out.

20:11 Every day he would send me pictures of applications he was sending out around three to five a day not amazing but certainly better than two a year and guess what within two weeks he got a job nice would you look at that anything is possible if you put your mind to it it's a part-time end of the shtick kind of job but it's a job once he got his first paycheck he raved about it how rewarding it felt to earn for himself then he took me out to dinner and he paid so here we are that position across the country ended up being a bad fit for several reasons So, I stayed here and actually ended up getting a promotion recently. He's been asking for my advice about saving slash financial independence, which I'm more

20:47 than happy to give. I'm still hesitant to move in together, but we've definitely taken a step in the right direction. And that is the end of that story.

20:52 Yeah, I think it's a big thing to move in together and then like also move halfway across the country.

20:57 That's, that's a huge step.

20:59 Yeah, but again, keep this in mind. OP, I think he's, I think this is a thing. OP's partner has never been like flew away from the nest.

21:07 Really?

21:08 Like never been like a real adult like financially taking care of himself he got his first paycheck he went it's like getting he's like a star on like on like his homework look mom i got a star gold star it shows op's been doing that for since 13 but talk to them i think everything's working out i think it's gonna be a little bit of slow approach but it's a good this is a good step yeah that is the end that story though but we have another one coming right up.

21:31 Yeah we do My fiance was relieved I wanted equality until I kept.

21:38 My last name. Uh-oh, this is gonna be fun.

21:41 Since day one of dating, I established that I wanted a partnership, not traditional gender roles.

21:48 Drolls. Grolls? Dave Groll.

21:52 I've always paid my half of the dates, unless it was my birthday or something. We'd take turns planning how we spent our time together, etc. When we started talking about marriage, I made it clear that I don't want any of the sexist traditions. Engagement ring, white dress, blah, blah, blah. But rather, I want us to make a commitment to us.

22:12 He agreed and was, quote, relieved. I didn't want all those things. We were planning on marrying soon. And so the other night, we were discussing concrete plans to go to courthouse next month when I brought up the subject of naming our future kids. I know that sounds creepish. We've actually discussed first names. So I thought now would be a good time. And I said, I'd like to either hyphenate or if he hates hyphenated names, do something like his last, my last, which is still, still a hyphen.

22:38 That's still the hyphen. Or is it like morphing it like Dave Grohl?

22:42 So OP says, I want to do something like his last, my last for girls and my last, his last for guys. That's like for the last name. Oh, then he stops me and says, wait, wait, wait, wait. Aren't you just taking my name? I say something like I thought you'd know I'm not since I'm not following any of the other traditions. I said I'd prefer to just keep my name and explained why it was so important to me.

23:03 But if it mattered a lot to him, I would hyphenate if he would as well. He went berserk.

23:08 Oh, cue the berserker from Gears of War.

23:10 Adamantly denied it. He said, women change their names and men don't.

23:15 Whoa, remember how this started off?

23:18 Whoa.

23:19 I said, that's a... Tradition. I don't agree with. And I thought you'd understand since you were on board with everything else. He accused me of not being fully committed to him. I said, that was crazy. That I knew I wanted to keep my name way before I met him. And by the way, this comes from NeedAdvices1. If you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.

23:43 I'm Dakota. I'm Keon. We're going to read this story with this silly man. We're going to have some silly thoughts. We're going to say them.

23:50 You can have your own thoughts and put them in the comments and let us know what you're thinking. And OP says, I asked and then begged for him to keep an open mind. Then I got angry and yelled something like, this is stupid. Why does this matter to you when everything else doesn't? You're not making any sense.

24:06 Then I asked to be left alone so I could cool down. The next morning I called him and apologized for getting so worked up. He apologized too. Then he said he wasn't willing to change his name and would be incredibly hurt even if I hyphenated mine. I said, if he didn't care about all the other stuff, why care about this? He said it was the way he always imagined things. How did this, again, everything was covered.

24:28 It seemed like everything was very covered on the basis of like, don't want the traditional wedding, don't want this, don't want that.

24:33 How did the last names never come up?

24:35 I think OP said that they just assumed that their partner would understand.

24:39 Yeah, but... Which, to be fair, I kind of agree with.

24:43 With when they're, like, on board with 99% of everything else?

24:47 When your whole point is, like, I don't like doing the traditional move, then, yeah, I think the tradition of just taking the man's last name, which is super arbitrary and, like, not really based on anything.

25:00 Be like me. I have a hyphenated last name.

25:03 Yeah, dude.

25:04 It made it harder for people to read my name. Hyphenated last names are, you know... It's the new thing that's in. They can be really cool.

25:12 Yeah, like me.

25:13 I told him I'm not changing mine and asked him to please think about it some more.

25:18 I feel so duped.

25:19 I mean, if he had been the chivalrous traditional type, I could totally understand his reaction, but we planned on doing literally everything else in an equal way. So I'm completely blindsided as to why he cares so much about this sexist tradition. I love him, but I'm not willing to give up this part of my identity. I love my family and my heritage, and like I said, I made this decision long before I met him.

25:43 Sorry for the word vomit.

25:45 This is the best relationship I've had, and I'd hate to break up over something as little as this, but I'm not willing to get rid of my name, even though I love him. And I think it's downright mean of him to ask me to compromise on something so important to me when I offered to compromise with hyphenating.

26:00 Or am I being selfish? I need advice. I plan to talk to him about it tomorrow. And there is an update. I don't know.

26:07 It just seems like he's stuck on that one thing. Everything else he's cool with. But if that's something you don't want to do, I think we're at a standstill right now. I don't think if this is like really the deal breaker for you, which again, you're on one end, he's on another. I don't think it's going to work out.

26:23 I think the compromise was hyphenating the last names. And I think that works. But if he's set on that, I don't know if it's going to work, unfortunately.

26:30 Yeah. You had your values.

26:32 It's ridiculous that it really is such a little trivial thing.

26:36 Truly.

26:37 But, I mean, to us it is. To them, it's a deal breaker.

26:40 Yeah. On both ends. No, I mean, yeah. I personally think... I mean, I guess if it's trivial one way, it's trivial the other. Yeah. But, like, you don't want to give up your name.

26:49 Only one person has to give up their name in that scenario.

26:53 So, really, only one person is paying a prize. Or you get both. Yeah, where you can just have both. Get both.

26:58 What's the problem? I mean, out of all these, this is a fair assumption. If you're like, I don't even want the white wedding dress. I don't want the engagement ring. I'm not about tradition. It's like, yeah.

27:08 You know what they say when you assume, you know what that does? It makes you a Dave Grohl.

27:12 Update! I talked to my boyfriend this afternoon.

27:14 At first, when I told him I still wanted to keep my name, he got really upset and called me some not-so-nice things.

27:21 Uh-oh, that's a preview into your marriage.

27:24 Then he calmed down and said it was very important to him that his wife take his name, that he had always imagined it that way. I said something like, I know this is very important to you, but it's important to me as well.

27:34 It was wrong of me to assume you'd be fine with it.

27:37 And hypocritical as well, since we both want the biggest tradition of all, marriage.

27:41 True. What's a bigger tradition than marriage? The World Cup? Birthdays. I guess you're right. I am.

27:46 Yeah.

27:47 Holidays. Nailed it. First try. Yeah, you're welcome. Neither of us is right or wrong, and I'm not angry with you at all.

27:53 This is a values thing, but I am willing to compromise by hyphenating my name. And I really want you to consider that because it is very important to me and I love you and want us both to be happy. If I change my name to yours, I would be unhappy. And if I kept mine by itself, you'd be unhappy. He said he'd still be very unhappy with a hyphenated name because they are pretentious and wishy-washy.

28:14 Hey, look, it's me. I'm pretentious and wishy-washy. It's just such a.

28:18 What a lame idea. What a lame, like, thought process. Hyphenated names are lame and wishy-washy? Sorry, my parents had me before marriage.

28:27 Hyphenated names are just cool. Mine's cool. I get to have both. He's just jealous. Yeah, dude, just like... I don't know.

28:33 Embrace things. Embrace the change, dude. It's not that deep. It's way deeper for her to just get rid of her name entirely than for you to both get to have your names.

28:43 I don't know, man.

28:44 This seems like a hill that they're both standing on. And like Opie came down the hill a little bit. But he's not budging.

28:53 He's ready to take his last breath on this hill.

28:55 Truly. Wishy-washy. What a terrible reason.

28:58 I said I thought it wasn't wishy-washy at all because I'm making it known to the world that I'm part of his family and he's still a part of mine.

29:04 Booyah. He said tons of women are fine with changing their name. No hyphen. So why not me?

29:10 I explained again that my name means a lot to me and.

29:14 It's what I'd heard my whole life. that's a part of me.

29:18 He said that wasn't a good enough reason and said that all the women who changed their name still love their families and heritage.

29:24 Here's the point. It's right here, right in front of my face. Missing it. He's looking the other way. I mean, at this point you can go, great. So I make my last name, my middle name now, and then I.

29:37 Just go by that. So no matter what happens, I still just go by that name.

29:41 You know what? I'm going to be fun. Non-traditional.

29:43 I mean, like how the Japanese do it over there. My last name first, first name last.

29:48 Last name, first name. Suzuki Ichiro. Then we let it go for a while.

29:54 Later, he told me, or I guess confessed, that his parents had a more traditional, old-fashioned type of relationship and it was always what he had envisioned having. But when he met me, he fell so hard and loved being with me so much that he thought he could just forget about what he grew up thinking about. I have never heard any of this, by the way. But he said after thinking about it really long term, like marriage for 50 plus years... He wasn't sure if a non-traditional marriage was something he wanted or not.

30:22 I like how he's debating that while he's.

30:24 In a relationship. Bro, it's time to walk.

30:26 Basically, what this man basically said was, I just went along with it the whole time until.

30:32 It became like.

30:34 When he got to the point, we'll get there. Until it became decision time and I realized I'm the opposite of what you want. I was very surprised and thrown. I said, but we're really happy right now. And he said he's the happiest he's ever been when he's with me. Throughout our relationship, I didn't pressure him or anything. I'd say things like, I want this. What do you think?

30:51 Or I've always liked the idea of this, but if you disagree, I'm definitely willing to talk about it.

30:56 Or what's your opinion on this? And then give my own.

31:00 I never presented it as you have to do this this way or we're breaking up. I feel bad we were in a relationship he apparently didn't see himself in, but I wish he would have communicated it to me. I thought we just happened to agree on most things, but apparently he was compromising on his beliefs, which makes me feel very guilty about the whole thing.

31:18 That's not on you, though. It was a facade on him. He lied the entire time.

31:22 That's not on you. It's totally not on you at all.

31:24 And honestly, dude, people get so wrapped up in these stupid wedding marriage things. It should really be as simple as, I love you so much, I literally can't even imagine not being with you.

31:38 And I'll do, yeah, like, not like I'll be on the floor and beg on my knees kind of thing. But yeah, the fact that he said, I'm the happiest I've ever been with you. And he is going to be like, no, but see what you think? Different from what I think, but I'm happy. That's a lie.

31:53 The worst fights we ever had were about our bedroom. I wanted it more than he did, but we compromised.

32:00 And chores.

32:01 Originally, he put all the female chores on me and got really upset initially when I asked him to do the dishes in exchange for me doing the lawn. and things like that, but eventually we came to a compromise that he seemed happy with. We had a few little fights a month, but they were things like me forgetting to pick up dry cleaning or something. I guess that we didn't have many big fights, and that was a red flag? I told him, please be honest with me even if you think we'll disagree. I care more about your happiness than anything else, and that we can work things out together. I wish he would have told me a more traditional relationship was what he wanted. I hate to think I was putting him into something he didn't want.

32:36 I wish he would have told me. I've always been very bad with subtlety and body language. I told him this lots of times. I actually had a diagnosis of Asperger's when I was a kid. I have to rely on words and actions, so I think maybe he could have been upset or uncomfortable, but I didn't realize it.

32:52 Which also makes me feel really bad.

32:53 But he told me today I should have noticed the signs he was upset, snapping at me or things like that. I always assumed he just had a bad day or something since he never mentioned our relationship.

33:03 But that he also should have communicated his feelings explicitly.

33:07 So I'm very in the wrong here, but I think he will be more open with me from now on.

33:11 You're not really in the wrong. I don't.

33:12 Yeah, you were very upfront. You did your part. He did not do his part. Stop saying you're guilty. You feel guilty.

33:18 I'm in the wrong. Maybe a couple of things here, but stop it.

33:21 I'm definitely going to try extra hard to keep my eyes and ears open and notice these subtler things while he tries to communicate them verbally to me. He said in the past that I act like your average man when it comes to being perceptive. As far as names go, he said he really wanted me to take his name, but he acknowledged how important it was to me. So he would think about hyphenating as a compromise. He made it clear, though, that he would not be happy about it.

33:45 Then if you do this, he's going to regret it and resent you for the rest of your life. Or at least the rest of the time you are together with that hyphenated name.

33:54 Yeah, this is going to become like, well, what else is he expecting? It's like what what's going to once you're married is are all of his expectations about what you're going to do like change? Because, well, now we're married. Now it's different now. Like he feels like that kind of guy. What he actually said was, why can't you do this one thing so many others do?

34:14 But he isn't calling the whole thing off.

34:15 So I really hope we can come to some agreement like me legally hyphenating, but he can call me Mrs.

34:21 His name at social events or something. He agreed to go to counseling.

34:24 And if nothing else, I want to go to a few sessions so we can be sure to split amicably. but I'm still confused and not sure whether we are incompatible or not. He said to me for the first time in two years that he had always wanted a more traditional relationship, but also said he's very happy with the way things are now, minus the last few days, of course. So I hope we can come to some sort of mutual understanding and agreement.

34:46 I love him a lot and really want to try and make things work.

34:49 It really feels like y'all should do that counseling before you get married, because I don't think he's just going to magically stop not being... Honest with you, I think he sees getting married as this like goal line. And then once he's married, he can exercise his more traditional will upon you, which is going to result in divorce.

35:10 Yeah, I think we need to pump the brakes here. Not fully, not to complete stop, but just... Let's slow things down here because this is big. This is a big revelation in a relationship that you've had for a while now.

35:22 If I have learned two things from this, it is to one, never assume anything and to make your wants about your relationship 100% clear and also make sure you understand your partner's. Three, pay close attention to your partner's behavior. It may be indicative of something they're not telling you. Thanks for the comments, everyone. It turned out to be a much bigger issue than just I want you to have my name, which surprised me. But I'm glad it's come to light now and not in the future. I'm hoping my boyfriend and I can come to an agreement about all this. I really love him and want to make things work. But we have both agreed we have issues to work on before getting married if we decide to.

35:58 That's the end of that story.

36:00 Hey it's dakota your favorite rat brain host here and we're gonna get back to the stories.

36:05 Soon but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors my sister disrespected my fiance constantly so i cut her from my wedding slice and dice have a nice life so i 28 female am getting married in a few weeks to my fiance jake 30 male and i couldn't be happier However, my sister Emily, 26 female, has made it painfully clear that she doesn't approve of him. It all started when Jake and I first dated two years ago.

36:36 And Emily's criticisms have only escalated since then. I get she might have some reservations, protective sibling, look out for one another, right? But when I say her comments have been harsh, I mean it. She called him too lazy and not ambitious enough on more than one occasion. And she doesn't seem to understand how much it hurts me when she says these things, especially to a guy.

37:07 I mean, is she on the money though?

37:10 Cause you say that it was like way out of pocket and that sounded like it could be squarely in the pocket.

37:16 Depending on certain factors. Depending on the pocket.

37:20 I mean, we haven't gotten a reason yet. The jury's still out. But I will say, if you ever do call that to a guy whose job is, you know, maybe to provide, that.

37:30 Ow!

37:31 Is he providing?

37:32 Ah!

37:34 I've tried to brush it off, insisting that Jake treats me well and that we compliment each other perfectly. But Emily continues to dismiss my feelings, and even when I ask her to stop... She insists she's just looking out for me for context. Yes, he has a job, but we both work at a mall. I at beauty shop and he's a part of a maintenance engineering team. And we have saved for this day. He's kind to me and we share household chores. So when I asked her how he was lazy and She said he should have to put his engineering degree to better use than working at some mall. By the way, this comes from Master Prune 73. And if you want to see my own stories, you know where to go. I'm Riley.

38:25 I'm Dakota.

38:26 I'm Keon.

38:27 And we're here today to read stories goofily. We don't have all the answers. Please comment down below if you have anything to add. So, the last straw was a few months ago when I shared that we finally got a beautiful venue for the wedding ceremony. and that invitations will be going out soon. Emily jumped in with a snide remark about how I might end up regretting my choice in partners.

38:52 What?

38:53 All because what? He's got an engineering degree and works at a mall?

38:58 I could feel my blood boil. I told her that I appreciate her concern, but I'm happy with Jake, and I don't want to hear any more negativity about him. After that conversation... I realize I couldn't invite her to our wedding.

39:13 Yeah, I agree. I back up that sentiment.

39:19 I just don't think I could enjoy my big day with her there, making comments or rolling her eyes. It feels unfair to have her in attendance when she doesn't support my choice.

39:29 Whatever.

39:30 Mentioned my decision to my parents, they were furious. They think I should overlook Emily's behavior for the sake of the family unit.

39:39 Question, Dakota.

39:40 How old does Emily have to be for you to overlook her behavior?

39:45 Teenager. How old? Between the ages of 13 and 19.

39:49 All right. Keon Bot. How old is this Miss Emily?

39:55 She is.

39:55 Drum roll, please.

39:57 I'm going to guess 39.

39:59 42.

39:59 26.

39:59 Oh!

40:00 Too old.

40:03 Too old.

40:04 Your frontal cortex is connected.

40:06 Yeah, I think I'd be slinging a couple shots back over there. I'd be like, sounds like somebody's a little jealous I'm getting married.

40:12 Oh!

40:12 Yes!

40:13 Yeah. I'm going to get a little.

40:15 Ow.

40:16 Ow.

40:17 Ooh, that burned, didn't it?

40:18 They believe I should just ignore her criticisms and not make a scene. It's put me in a tough spot because I love my family, but I also have to protect my happiness and the day I've been dreaming for so long. Now I'm feeling really conflicted. Part of me thinks I should just invite her and try to have a good time despite her presence. Another part of me feels justified in my decision. Am I the a-hole for deciding I don't want to invite Emily to my wedding?

40:50 To address some comments, the wedding is in three weeks, August 9th.

40:55 Holy cow.

40:56 My parents are the type that think she's an adult. She can make her own decisions. My fiance is very supportive of whatever decision I make. He just wants me happy. We have an update.

41:06 I think you're fully justified not inviting her.

41:08 I like how your parents said she's an adult. She can make her own decisions.

41:13 What about me?

41:14 I think if your parents really want to mend the gap here, your parents are going to have to go to your sister and plead to her to be like, you need to make this right. You need to come and apologize to your sister for being out of pocket.

41:28 Okay.

41:29 And if you can do that and express that you do support them, then maybe you'll get invited.

41:35 All right.

41:36 Emotionally available money bags, man. I think you're looking at it wrong. I say Emily do whatever she wants. Parents, you want me to invite her? How much cash you got? Yeah, how much cash you got? The mall engineering fund is running low. Oh, wait, no, it's not. Am I going to break even on this wedding? Or am I going to have a little extra for the honeymoon?

41:58 9 p.m.

41:58 Saturday, I spoke with my fiance when he got home, and he said that he is 100% okay with me not inviting my sister, and that he also worried that she may have alternative motives but she's never treated him in any way that he thinks she might be into him and that actually really freaked him out but he also said if my parents chose not to come to the wedding his father would probably more than happy to walk me down the aisle his family kind of loves me and me and his father and mother get along so well i got lucky in the mother-in-law department We're meeting with them on Monday to discuss the stipulations and our decisions not to invite her.

42:45 To the wedding.

42:46 So I'll have that update for everyone either Monday evening or sometime Tuesday. Update to dinner with my parents and sister. Oh, yum. Can you think it's going.

43:03 To go well?

43:03 I think it's gonna be so much fun. This would be so much fun.

43:08 I could see you being in a situation like this. Couldn't you?

43:11 With my girlfriend?

43:12 No, just like with some random sister.

43:14 Me?

43:15 Like his sister or just someone's sister.

43:17 I can't, dude. He gets along with every woman on Earth.

43:20 Except for his sister.

43:21 Right?

43:23 Just about. Just about. But my sister's a different entity in a whole other universe.

43:29 Well, let's just say it was exactly how I expected it to be. About halfway through dinner, my sister made a snide remark about how simple our wedding would be because of my husband's little mall job.

43:43 So, like, how much does your husband... I need to know now how much your husband makes. How much does she make?

43:47 Why are you on her side?

43:48 They're happy.

43:49 No, I'm not on her side. I'm just saying, like, I want to know how much this little rinky-dink engineering at the mall job makes him. Does she even know?

43:59 I immediately spoke up. I mentioned to my sister... that the way she's been speaking about my fiance has been completely inappropriate. I told her that if she's going to continue to behave this way, I couldn't have her at the wedding.

44:14 She looked at.

44:14 Me with this weird look, almost like she was confused as to what I was saying.

44:19 She was like, wait, I didn't expect you to come at me.

44:22 She was like, are you serious right now over a joke? There was a comment on here that I had been working really hard to memorize, so I basically repeated it for her. That this type of disrespect that she has been portraying was definitely not how I wanted my entire wedding to be.

44:46 Get her.

44:47 I don't want to be exchanging my vows with her little huffs and eye rolls. I just didn't need her attitude messing with my day. She was either going to come to the wedding and behave herself or the moment she disrespected or interrupted in any kind of way, I would have her escorted out. Thankfully, prior to this, I did speak to my best friend and she said absolutely she would help me with this so that I wouldn't even have to know if anything bad happened. I would just realize that my sister was no longer at the venue, etc., etc.

45:23 My father didn't say a word. He just nodded in agreement with me. But this was when my mom finally woke up.

45:30 Ooh!

45:31 Like a sleeper agent. Bright and early, let's go! Well, I mean, she slept in, but... She's up! She's up! Boo! She's right.

45:41 Emily, you have been very disrespectful and unsupportive of your sister. And if you can't behave, we will not bring you. Finally, my sister spoke up. I'm really sorry, Emily. I was just trying to joke around. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, and I promise I won't spoil your day. But I guess this all makes sense now why you didn't ask me to be your bridesmaid. So my parents stuck up for me. My sister promised to behave herself and is going to come to the wedding, but I will have to back up to make sure that the moment that she does anything disrespectful or makes any comments whatsoever, she's going to be out. But I did realize with her bridesmaid comment, That may have been why she had been

46:25 a little extra snippy after we started planning the wedding. So hopefully this all goes well. I guess we'll find out in a couple of weeks, but either way, I'm going to have an amazing wedding and I'm going to marry my best friend. So in all, it looks like things are going to be okay. I'm sorry for those that said I should just cut her out, but I've learned that thanks to my amazing mother-in-law, that communication is the foundation for any relationship regardless of what kind. But I did warn her at the end of the dinner that if she did cause any issues at the wedding, I would be going either low contact or no contact with her after her promise to behave herself. We hugged it out and I went home quite happy and even

47:10 had a little cry in the car that things seemed to be working out. I guess I will talk to everyone in a few weeks after my wedding. I am not the type to just hop on here and update everyone after the wedding. We go on our honeymoon, and the last thing I'll be doing is being on Reddit, so it's going to be quiet for a long time before I update, even if I do remember to. Update three.

47:31 Okay, thank God. Thank God.

47:32 There is an update.

47:33 I was about to be like, F you.

47:37 You give us this beautiful story, and you aren't even going to see the end of it?

47:40 We could probably get the update on a couple years into the marriage, maybe. Who knows how long it's been.

47:46 Update three.

47:47 Does the sister still be nice? Thoughts?

47:50 Thrup date.

47:52 Your husband has a better job. Even though the job he has right now is not even bad. I mean, it's got to be a bonus.

47:57 Like, you work at the same place as your partner. Like, in a way. Same area. Same area, different departments. But it's like carpooling, maybe. Different stores. See each other on lunch. Different places. Yeah, but what if, like, you know, the makeup shop needs an engineering fix, you know?

48:16 Yeah, that's a good point.

48:17 I'm thinking sister probably made a couple snide comments, but nothing too major.

48:23 And everything was great. That's what I'm thinking.

48:26 So my sister saw the post and figured out it was her and I. She was hurt at first and a bit angry until she read the comments. And she said, and I quote, Wow, I'm really a witch, huh? I am so sorry.

48:39 I really effed up.

48:41 I promise no shenanigans. So I truly believe the wedding should be fine. She was truly smacked in the face with her own BS attitude. And I think everything will be perfect day of. But if everyone insists on a full wedding update, I can do it at a later date after. But hopefully this is all good news.

49:02 Update four. All right, we got it. Yeah. What was that whole like?

49:06 I'm not going to update you guys because I'm going to forget about it.

49:09 I'm not going to update you guys. It's in the heat of the moment when you post it, you know.

49:12 I won't update you guys till after i've been impregnated i'm not i'm not gonna draw more attention to myself and then does.

49:20 How'd your mouth get all small like that why'd.

49:24 You do that you made it so small update four i'm married But not sure if this is the update you wanted. Everything went fine. No drama, no stress. And it was a beautiful day. And Emily was the perfect sister. So a happy ending. I don't know if it's what everyone expected, but it seems a happy ending is always a good update.

49:49 Let's go. Agreed. Agreed. The world is healing. Everyone needs a happy ending now and then. We can't have it all be bad. And that's the end of this story. Let's head to the next one.

50:04 Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fashion host here. We're going to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My sister insisted on planning her entire wedding alone, but it unraveled.

50:17 Yeah, unraveled into a huge mess.

50:20 My sister has been planning her wedding for over a year now, and the event is scheduled for May. She decided to schedule her wedding for the week after we graduate from college and after our other sibling graduates from high school. So our entire family will be stretched thin for her wedding. Additionally, my sister has a hard time choosing anything for herself. For example, she told me that she was marrying her fiancé because he felt safe, even though he is five years older than her and unemployed.

50:50 Nothing says safe like that.

50:52 Yeah, safe in what way? Is he just like a giant meatball?

50:55 I'm assuming nice guy.

50:58 Meatball. She also had no definite reason for choosing the wedding dress she did. Not even in, I can't explain it, but I like it. Just nothing.

51:09 What?

51:10 This has resulted in her telling my parents and me that she made a choice. Then we ask for her reasoning and she ends up changing her mind to seemingly make us happy. She is determined to plan this wedding by herself. No help from her fiance, family, or a planner. But she doesn't know how to plan a wedding at all.

51:28 Doesn't seem like she can really do much. She doesn't really have any reason to.

51:33 I feel like we need to sit her down and be like, hey, we gotta slow things down.

51:37 Slow it down, baby. Here is a non-comprehensive list of things that she has done. She scheduled the photographer from noon to 8pm. but wants to get sunset photos with her fiancé even though sunset is scheduled around 8.30 p.m. that day. By the way, this comes from My Middle Name is Sky. And if you want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash OK Storytime subreddit.

52:02 I'm Savannah.

52:03 I'm Keon. I'm Riley.

52:04 And we're here to talk about some stuff. Maybe make you laugh, maybe make you cry, I don't know. I don't know what's in store tonight. But I am excited to be here, and I'm also going to tell you that we don't have all the answers. We'd only tell you what we would do. So let us know what you would do down in the comments. As Opie says, she publicly promised a short intermission between the afternoon ceremony and dinner, but planned a two-hour intermission for photos and private vows. She did not ask for our stepfather to be the officiant of the wedding or walk her down the aisle, She just planned for that in her head.

52:38 She wanted to send wedding invitations to all guests by mail less than two months before the wedding, and some people who received Save the Date cards did not receive an invitation because she was working out of two different lists.

52:50 What? Two months before the wedding?

52:54 This seems like just a huge dumpster fire. It keeps getting bigger and bigger.

53:00 Some people can't even.

53:01 Have dinner two months out. You need like three months out. That's how Keon is during the summer.

53:05 It's true. This is very true.

53:08 She told the DJ that roughly 200 people would be there but told the caterer it would be about 150 people with the guest list currently reaching 250. She passed all decoration planning over to her future mother-in-law who has no experience decorating but does have a plant nursery. She somehow wants to prevent our divorced parents from being in the same room during the wedding for the whole day even for the reception.

53:34 I feel like this girl is just throwing darts at a planning board and going, that makes sense.

53:39 Yeah, I don't know. That makes sense.

53:42 Oh, it's going to go so bad. It's going to go so horribly bad. She didn't invite her uncle, who is in his 40s and in a wheelchair, to her wedding because she assumed he couldn't make it, even though he has been to our city before. Her future mother-in-law and father-in-law were not on the guest list.

53:59 This is so bad. What is her husband doing in all of this? Or her fiancé?

54:04 Nothing, because he's unemployed, and so he has all the time in the.

54:08 World to do nothing. I don't even know these people, and it's stressing me the F out.

54:13 Dude, you know what's cute? Is that my mom bought my sister-in-law a wedding planner, and she used it for two weeks straight and planned her wedding out in two weeks. Yeah, she was on top of it, dude.

54:25 Wait, you mean a wedding planner is in like a journal?

54:28 Yeah, like a wedding planning journal.

54:30 Not like a person who plans it?

54:31 No, no, no, sorry. My mom got her a wedding planning journal and she just went through everything. And my brother was just like, yep, whatever you want. Sounds good.

54:41 That's funny because imagine hiring a person and they got it done in two weeks.

54:47 It was very impressive. Katie says this lady seems very disorganized. More than that. Where are her friends? Where's the squad? Yeah, this is even her family. You're her family. I'd be like, girl, what are you doing?

54:59 The three-year-old ring bearer was on the guest list, but his parents or anyone who could watch him were not. What?

55:06 He's just going to drive there? Yeah, just drop him off. We'll take care of him. Drop him off.

55:10 He'll be able to spend the day at the wedding.

55:13 We'll just get him an Uber. It's fine.

55:14 Yeah, and then we'll just go home after.

55:15 This is so messy.

55:18 She scheduled makeup for 9.30, but as mentioned, the photographer arrives at noon, so no getting ready photos are going to be taken unless someone is really dedicated. She scheduled the dinner to start before the grand entrance.

55:31 What?

55:32 What? Is she doing this on purpose?

55:35 Does she know how weddings work? Does she know, like, yeah, sure, there could be, like, a little bit of, like, disorganization.

55:40 She told the DJ that the first guest that will arrive at the reception after the ceremony will be at 3 p.m., but her wedding ceremony is scheduled to start at 3.30 p.m.

55:49 I feel like anyone who's hired for this wedding is going to be like, you know what? I'm getting my money's worth, and I'm just going to be paid from this time to this time.

55:57 That's it. No questions asked. I don't need to ask questions.

56:00 This is the short list. There is so much more, especially when it comes to who is paying for the wedding, how the guest list has expanded, and more. Tomorrow is the bridal shower, which is what made me think to post this stuff, but I am happy to keep you all updated with future events. There's an update.

56:16 This is so stressful.

56:17 Remember when we read that story where someone was like crying so hard that they started throwing up? Yes.

56:23 She's giving me that.

56:24 Babe, please.

56:28 I don't want to do this. Yeah, that's what she's giving me right now. You got to sit her down and be like, hey, we got to make a list. Check it twice.

56:35 Got to find out who's being naughty or nice because this is not good.

56:38 Update! I needed time to process everything that occurred. I first posted to the sub about three months ago regarding my concerns about my sister's wedding, and I really appreciate the support and the critiques that I received. I agree that a lot of my concerns were petty, and I was not doing a great job of supporting her. So I had a talk with her where I brought up some suggestions and asked how I could best support her.

57:03 And she was adamant that she knew what she was doing and did not need or want help planning the wedding. And she would let me and my family know if and when she needed us. I respected that choice and told her that I would be there for her if she needed anything the day of. So here are the bits that occurred before the wedding day. I learned from her that her fiance had no part in the wedding planning, not even expressing his preferences. I wonder if he was on the guest list. Like, I would, it would not.

57:37 Surprise you?

57:37 Surprise me, yeah. If, like, they just forgot.

57:40 Oh, my God, the groom.

57:41 We didn't accommodate for the groom. Oh, no.

57:44 Do we think all 250 people are showing up?

57:46 Two months out?

57:48 They even invited more people after that. So I don't even know.

57:52 That's crazy. I mean, it makes sense why this guy didn't participate, because he's too busy looking for jobs.

57:58 You know? This is so bad. I hate this.

58:02 She told me the only thing he was doing or in charge of was choosing suits, which had already been done two months before this conversation. He was also refusing to steam or iron his own or his groomman's suits, so she asked our dad to do it.

58:18 Oh!

58:19 Oh man, you're supposed to be the one to provide, not the dad still.

58:23 What are we doing?

58:25 Set up for the wedding and reception was on the day before the ceremony and the father of the groom did not attempt to help with set up or take down the day after. Additionally, my sister and her in-laws brought a bunch of flowers for the ceremony arc, which looked beautiful, but didn't bring any food to eat or additional decorations. The rest of the wedding party was told when we got there. that we should have brought our own lunches, even though my sister had promised to bring us lunch. The rehearsal dinner was scheduled at the reception venue the night before, and I had offered to my sister that I, as the maid of honor, could text the wedding party the rehearsal dinner information, but I would

59:05 need the wedding party's phone numbers. I never spoke to a single member of the groom's party until the rehearsal dinner. And the timing information for the dinner to send. My sister said she would get back to me on that, but she never did. I reminded her a few more times, and she eventually told me she wanted to take care of it and to stop asking her.

59:24 Then you stop. You know what?

59:26 You did all what you needed to do, O.P., You let this mess be handled by her. You've told her numerous times you want to help or how can you help? And she said, I got it.

59:36 Great.

59:38 That's just.

59:38 I walk away, if anything. If I'm UOP, I walk away because this is way too much.

59:43 I did.

59:44 And she decided that instead of making a group chat with everyone in it, she made smaller group chats based on the rules people held in the wedding. Groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearer, parents of the bride, parents of the groom, etc., but forgot to create one for the bridesmaids.

1:00:00 That is like the first thing you do. You walked in on a mess. This is a mess.

1:00:05 I knew the rehearsal dinner date and time from my parents, but she didn't inform her other two bridesmaids who didn't show up.

1:00:13 Gee, I wonder why.

1:00:14 Because they didn't get an invite or there was zero communication.

1:00:17 I took the two bridesmaids and walked them through the ceremony on the morning of the wedding so they had some idea of what to expect. She asked our dad to officiate her wedding, but kept refusing to talk to him about what things she wanted included in the ceremony, telling him she would get to it later. A few weeks before the wedding, instead of initiating a conversation with him, she sent him a word-for-word script that she wanted him to follow, which maybe wouldn't be so bad, but for the fact that she used AI to write it.

1:00:48 No, don't do that.

1:00:52 No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:00:55 This story should be titled, How to Burn a Bridge with Everyone You Know and That You're Inviting to Your Wedding.

1:01:01 How to burn that bridge.

1:01:02 I like how my chanclas are vibrating off my feet. I thought of this.

1:01:08 I guarantee you she asked AI how to plan a wedding.

1:01:11 Even AI can't help this person. There were so many stupid errors in the script. The most memorable being a line about... Like this speech, their love will last forever. Y'all, we are in the Midwest.

1:01:28 Oh, man.

1:01:29 Three hours from anything that could be interpreted as a beach. My dad then took the speech, edited out the incongruent parts, and sent it back to her. My sister texted me to complain that clearly my dad must have used AI to edit the speech because it read as if it were AI written.

1:01:48 Girl.

1:01:49 That's what you did.

1:01:50 What do you mean? Surely you just AI'd the edits after I already AI'd it. So you're using too much AI.

1:02:01 How?

1:02:02 The story's pissing me off. Not even pissing me off. Can't even think of the word right now.

1:02:06 Frustration.

1:02:08 Sure. That's the one.

1:02:10 A week and a half before her wedding, our mom asked her what time brunch and decoration takedown were going to be on Sunday because she was in charge of getting the food for the day, to which my sister looked her in the eyes and said, I don't know, brunch time? And walked away. Not brunch time. That could be anything. I would say brunch time is usually around like 11 or noon.

1:02:37 I don't know.

1:02:37 Every time my sister starts talking about anything wedding related, I'm just going to give her a look.

1:02:42 Let's go. Hey, what do you think, sissy? What do you think, OP?

1:02:48 She told the caterer to bring an appetizer tray of 75 chicken wings for 150 guests. She also made 50 veggie spears for the same 150 guests and thought that would be enough between the ceremony and dinner.

1:03:02 No!

1:03:02 No!

1:03:03 No, actually, not even everyone's about to have a wing. Everyone just gets, like, one nibble. Everyone, pass around your nibble.

1:03:11 Like, what?

1:03:13 Your sister's the type of person, like, you know what we're eating today?

1:03:16 Air. Yum. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. And then if you see grass on the ground, it's free.

1:03:24 Five days before the wedding, she came to my parents' house and begged for help with a bunch of stuff that she told us she was going to do herself. Things like steaming the flower girl dress, making chocolate-covered pretzels, etc., which we took on and completed, but we explained that they would not be of the highest quality because of the limited time frame we had. My family was dispatched to the store two days before the wedding because we were told that the mother-in-law was handling all the decorations, but apparently that meant only the centerpieces and the wedding arch, so no additional decorations were available whatsoever. For the sweetheart table, gift table, cake table, etc.

1:04:01 I would not do this. I'm sorry.

1:04:03 I would stare her right in the eye like I did earlier and go, Are you kidding me? You waited three, four days prior to the wedding to stress everyone out?

1:04:16 I back out. I'm not going to this wedding.

1:04:18 My sister went with my mom to the store to pick out decorations, but when we got there, she couldn't pick out a single thing she wanted. Well, of course. No flowers, vases, or random decor. She would walk up and down the same two aisles, then get to the end and just stand there for a few minutes before repeating.

1:04:36 My mom and I began begging her to tell us what she wanted and what she was thinking. And she said she had a vision of some flowers being on the floor by the head table. To which we said, okay, how are we going to do that? Do you see any flowers you like? Do you want to put them in a standing vase? and she just stared at us blankly before pacing the aisles again. So she just wants some flowers on the floor. What's wrong with that? She told the venue that she wanted 15 tables with 8 chairs, each for the reception, which is 120 seats for a wedding with 150 people who RSVP'd yes. My dad caught this issue five days before the wedding, during the final walkthrough, but when he brought it up to my sister, she

1:05:20 became irate because it messed with the vision in her head. and would change how the photos would turn out.

1:05:26 I shake her and say, what is the vision in your head? What is in your head right now?

1:05:31 Show me your head vision!

1:05:33 Show me your vision!

1:05:35 Please!

1:05:36 I don't even know if you know how to decipher it! Come on!

1:05:40 Come on!

1:05:42 She couldn't articulate why it would change them, and eventually just said, okay, to more tables.

1:05:48 Well, yeah!

1:05:49 What are you gonna do with the 30 people who don't have seats?! Oh my god, I mean, just be like, oh sorry, we ran out of room. They'd be like, what? Five days before her wedding, at the same walkthrough, she told me that the wedding party would line up outside the garage door for the grand entrances, to which I said, which one?

1:06:07 Because there were three!

1:06:09 She looked perplexed and turned around to stare at the garage doors, as she had never noticed them before, before seemingly choosing one at random. I say choosing one at random because that garage door had the cake table in front of it.

1:06:22 Oh my gosh. Uh, that one.

1:06:26 They all go in and they just tackle the cake.

1:06:30 They go, all right, cake time.

1:06:35 This is funny.

1:06:36 We asked her how that was going to work and where the cake table would be moved to. And she just went quiet and eventually said that going in through the garage door would make for good pictures. We said, okay, how can we do that? And she snapped at my mom, fine, we can go through the regular door before storming off.

1:06:55 Those were the highlights before the wedding. Here were the events the night before and day of. My parents and I planned to bring all our suits, dresses, and snacks for the day in our cars so the work was evenly distributed among us. I mentioned this to my sister at the rehearsal dinner and she gave me a blank look and said, well, who's bringing my steam dress then?

1:07:17 To which I said, what do you mean? And she informed me that she had hidden her dress at my parents' house and had lied to us about taking it with her when she moved out. And she expected us to know that and have already steamed her dress and bring it to her on her wedding day. Oh, my God.

1:07:34 I think she's genuinely trying to do this.

1:07:38 I think she's.

1:07:39 Trying to sabotage every little thing. There's no way in hell someone is doing this and be like, oh, I forgot. Or sorry, miscommunicated. She's doing this has to be blatantly on purpose.

1:07:54 I immediately informed my parents and my mom's first reaction was, I would have thought that the wedding dress was something you think about more in advance than the day before the wedding. But we found her dress and my dad steamed it on the morning of the wedding on site.

1:08:09 I don't know. I'm going to say this right now. Your family, you, angels. Arc, not archangels. She's an archangel. You're all angels for doing this.

1:08:17 She brought in straight vodka in a water bottle and drank it the morning of the wedding. My sister, the moment she gets any booze in her, turns into the meanest person you have ever met. Oh, no.

1:08:30 You know that that stuff was saved. She had that for like. Drink in case of emergency.

1:08:36 She kept snapping at everyone and we just thought she was stressed. But then when I was cleaning up the getting ready area later, I caught a whiff of the water bottle she had been nursing all day and it all made sense then. My sister ordered her bouquet but didn't get any for the bridesmaids. The three of us bridesmaids gathered the decorative flowers from the centerpieces to make passable small bouquets. The deflowering of the centerpieces also upset the mother of the groom, who had arranged them. She reamed me out privately for not asking her before touching the centerpieces, and in hindsight, I should have talked to her instead of just getting permission from my sister. My sister did not have a list of the orders she

1:09:15 wanted people in for photos after the ceremony and truly seemed to be making it up as she went along. The photographer was amazing and very quick. She had fantastic ideas for whom to take pictures with and what poses to do, so she was extremely helpful. Thank God. However, my sister took a long time to decide who was up next for pictures, to the point that by the time everyone had finished taking family pictures, there were only 15 minutes left for couple pictures. Thankfully, one of the pieces of advice she did implement for me was to talk to the photographer and schedule a time for couples' sunset shoot where they read their private vows to each other, but my sister was very upset and frazzled by the

1:09:54 end of the photo shoot. I did my best to support her by helping to fix her gown and trying to get people where she wanted them to go, but it was hard to understand what she wanted in the moment. I will say the pictures themselves have already come back and they are stunning!

1:10:10 Yes!

1:10:11 Thank God. I am sorry it was so stressful for everyone, but the pictures came out beautifully, so I am glad that my sister and her husband have them to remember the good parts of the day. I have no idea what was happening with my sister's father-in-law after the wedding and during dinner, but he was pissed off. He was there all day but didn't talk to anyone, including his son, the groom, before the ceremony. He stayed to get after-ceremony pictures with his son and his wife, noticeably in all the pictures. Though the mother-in-law has both her arms wrapped around her son instead of her own husband.

1:10:46 I know why he's upset. Are you ready for this? Wasn't told until today. He's paying for it.

1:10:53 That could be it. That could very much be it.

1:10:58 So who's paying for this? And they all looked at him and went.

1:11:00 You are.

1:11:01 Then when it was dinner time, he got up, got two plates, piled one with food, covered the food plate with the other plate upside down, then sat at his table with his arms crossed, sullenly staring at the plate for over an hour.

1:11:14 Yeah.

1:11:16 Somebody's paying for this. Remember what the sister said? We'll get to that later. Who's paying for this? We'll get to that later.

1:11:25 Dang, so he's like, well, I make the best out of it, taking all the food. That isn't even enough for everyone there.

1:11:33 Dang.

1:11:33 And just staring at it.

1:11:36 I don't know. I didn't really enjoy this story.

1:11:38 If you guys didn't see or hear my reactions, this was one of those stressful ones that I didn't like. It's going to stick with me for a while.

1:11:46 Yeah, I think I'm going to just go ahead and finish it up.

1:11:50 Truthfully.

1:11:51 This is in no way the end of the craziness that occurred before and during this wedding, but these were some of the moments I felt comfortable sharing. My sister has pretty much nuked her relationship with our parents because of many factors, some of which are above, and my sister and I aren't really talking. Not because we are fighting, just because we don't have anything to say to each other.

1:12:14 The day after the wedding, my sister was pretty quiet, and at one point said, I should have talked to you about this stuff, but then turned away. Well, I think we all did the best we could, and it went as well as it could have, because it truly could have been much, much worse.

1:12:34 Dang.

1:12:34 And that's, that's it. That's actually insane. And the fact that I don't know if it was just her ego that she was like, no, I can do it on my own. I can do it by myself. I don't need any help, blah, blah, blah. Or if she didn't trust anyone to do anything. But girl, nothing got done. Nothing went well. And now you have broken relationships because of this. Maybe next time, either get a wedding planner or just ask for help. And not the day of or the week before. Maybe like, you know, four or five months out. Be like, hey, I'm going to need help with all this. Do you want to help with me?

1:13:15 You know, whatever, blah, blah. That's all. Just take the initiative.

1:13:20 Next time. It'll go better next time. And that's the end of this story.